The Contemporary Woman's Guide to Midlife
Power Surge™ Live!
Host: Dearest
Guest: Carla R. Herrera
The Contemporary Woman's Guide to Midlife

About Carla R. Herrera

The Contemporary Woman's Guide to Midlife

Dearest: My guest tonight, CARLA R. HERRERA, publisher of 40+ -- an online magazine for midlife women. She has worked at several newspapers over the years and has had numerous published articles in publications throughout California -- Idea News, Connections, Clearlake Observer, El Foro Magazine. Her online publications include, Seven Seas Magazine, Womanlinks.com, Uselessknowledge.com, Alumbo.com and most recently at ezinearticles.com. Carla Herrera's new book, "The Contemporary Woman's Guide to Midlife," takes the reader through the transitions of midlife. It's an intimate portrait of a midlife woman, as well as a poignant, entertaining and educational relation of the midlife journey. A very warm welcome to Power Surge, Carla. We're very informal in Power Surge. I hope you don't mind if we call you by your first name. Carla Herrera: Not at all. Thanks for having me here. Dearest: Carla, you say, "Midlife brings with it many things - among them, for some women, a slap across the head! The bucket of cold water dumped on us during slumber. The metaphorical kick in the teeth. Beauty is one of those things. We can't help but think about it because it's right there in our face every day. We have to look in that mirror every morning and if the image of the woman staring back at us isn't what we want, we have to question what it is we need to validate ourselves." Although some of us may not admit it, the waning of our youthful beauty can be distressing. What suggestions would you make to midlife women who are unhappy with the way the midlife transition / aging is changing their looks? Carla Herrera: Well, I think there are several things we can do. First and foremost, begin with the inner work. I think we have to do what we need to do for ourselves. If you want to change the way you look, I think some of us may go to some expense to do this. We do want to retain beauty, but I think there's a difference between beauty and youth. I want to look my best for my age. I don't want to look 23. So, for me, electrolysis wouldn't hurt, but I probably won't go have a breast lift. The inner work takes quite a bit... journaling and the quest for ourselves. Dearest: So, basically, by the inner work I presume you're referring to working on how we emotionally see ourselves as opposed to physically? Carla Herrera: Yes Dearest. Plus there's that added aspect about how we want others to perceive us. We're going to ask ourselves how important it is. Unfortunately, for some, it can be too important. Dearest: Very true. Thanks, Carla. What impact does empty nest syndrome (suddenly the children are grown and gone) have on some women at midlife and what recommendations can you share for coping with empty nest syndrome? Carla Herrera: Empty nest, I think, is fading. We're hearing less and less about it. At one time, it was one of the midlife buzz words, but I think now women are so active and at this time in our life, grieving for the adult child is cut very short, because we're overjoyed with having our own lives again. But some of the women who go through can get hit pretty hard. I read something that said the depression can last a couple of years and there are some women feel their lives have no meaning. Help: therapy, talking to other women, a support system. Dearest: Carla, but aren't those usually the women whose lives have been totally wrapped up in their children? Carla Herrera: Yes, you're right. Most women today, don't do that. We are too busy to wrap ourselves up in our children. Mugget57: Its so hard, it only hit me now and my girls have been gone for several years. I'm trying to do new things and enjoy life and then I'm in tears. Any suggestions? Carla Herrera: You may be going through depression. I'd suggest you get checked by a doctor before anything else, but if you're fine physically, then maybe you could explore why you're sad. There has to be a reason for breaking out in tears. Sometimes it's repressed, sometimes it's not. It's whether you want to acknowledge the reason or not. I think talking to someone professional or not would help. Dearest: Carla, Do you find that midlife women's feelings in general change about men and intimacy and, if so, why? Carla Herrera: I think everything I have read points to that yes. But I also think that when we choose relationships in midlife, most of us choose them for deeper reasons. We choose relationships that are going to help us rather than hinder and most of us want something deeper I think. I can only speak for myself on this one, but I know when I choose someone, he's going to be someone I can trust. I do care about attractiveness, but how I feel about him is much more important SassyNewMe1: I would like to know about aging with small children in the home. I have a five year old who is healthy and a 12 year old who is handicapped. I will be 45 this year and just feel so different in the last year. I just feel like a big ol' blob sitting around. Carla Herrera: Well, I don't have young children. In fact, mine are all grown, but I think that one thing you could do is probably get some help from your family so you can do something for yourself. SassyNewMe1: Like what? Carla Herrera: If you feel like a blob, get up and exercise. Go do something you've wanted to do. SassyNewMe1: Oh, I do that but seems like lately I just have no ambition. BrassedOff: When perimenopause ends and menopause starts do you go back to feeling normal again or do the symptoms persist and get worse. I have read a number of books on the subject and get very conflicting views. Dearest: It's different for every woman, Brass. Carla Herrera: Brass, everyone is different. That's why the books differ. Every experience I've read about is a personal one. So the best you can do is find what works for you. I've learned quite a bit from coming to the Power-Surge site, but we have to personalize our treatment because it is such an individual experience. Sometimes they will get worse, but sometimes they won't. Wish I could help more with that one. Dearest: If I can insert something here - some women, once they become postmenopausal - feel better. Others may continue to have various symptoms and in fact, may have them for the rest of their lives. I think once you become menopausal, it's very important to make changes in your lifestyle to effect the best results. One of the most important things you can do during perimeno and postmeno is to exercise at least 3x a week. It'll make a great difference in the way you feel. Read Power Surge's Menopause Survival Tips at www.power-surge.com/educate/survival.htm Mermaid2: Do you think that women in the midlife stages are well represented by television and the media? One daytime soap, Guiding Light, has tackled the menopause issue with one of their main characters "Reva". She's all over the place emotionally and they written her as "acting out" pretty often, much like a bratty rebellious teenager. Carla Herrera: I don't watch television much, but I think women are well represented in film in midlife. Barbra Streisand, Annette Benning, Diane Keaton. We have actresses who are at this stage, it's whether they choose to use this. You've seen what Keaton did. Dearest: What's the film with Keaton and Nicholson? As Good AS It Gets? Carla Herrera: Yes Dearest: That's one of the best films I'd recommend for midlife women! Carla Herrera: Me too. Also with Benning - Being Julia Dearest: I haven't seen it, but I love Annette Benning - but I love the part in As Good AS It Gets when Jack Nicholson asks Diane Keaton about "birth control" and she says, "Menopause!" And he's so relieved. What a wonderful portrayal for midlife women. Veggiegardener: Is there an easy way to transition into midlife? What's your advice on the best way to prepare yourself (besides the obvious biological stuff like exercise and nutrition)? How do you see it as a positive experience (personally)? Do you think it was easier in the past or today? Carla Herrera: An easy way to transition - if you find it, I would like to know. I'm reminded of a commercial I saw recently. The big, red "easy" button. Fortunately, we have it much easier than twenty years ago in that there has been some serious research into women's health Preparing yourself. I think you need to talk with other women, journal, become selfish, take time out. Veggiegardener: Any personal advice? What "works" for you? Carla Herrera: I'm selfish and everyone knows it. I tell them it's part of my program. Dearest: Selfish doesn't have to be a bad thing - I think Carla means to learn to put yourself first and not always attend to others and put yourself last. Mugget57: I'm in menopause from a total hysterectomy last Sept. I am on estrogen and progesterone, but how can I possibly sift through all of my medical difficulties? I have MS. I have many medications. I take antidepressants and some of the meds cause the problem. Most of the time I just want to throw up my hands and give up. Often, I want to ask my doctor, neurologist if I could please do my treatment in the hospital just to be AWAY from home stuff that bothers me. He's willing too. I can't help but wonder how long this will be, probably as long as my hair will grow right? My husband is an angel, but I could hurt him with his teasing. Intimacy is so hard - I feel like he doesn't want to be close because he doesn't know WHAT I will do next. I think I just have to leave often, and journaling means I have to sit still. I have no clue what to ask. It is so very hard. Dearest: You've got a full plate there, Mugget. Carla Herrera: Yes. I don't know that I'm qualified to address this Dearest: Can I recommend something? Carla Herrera: Please. Mugget57: Anything please . Dearest: I think there are some of these issues Carla can deal with, but perhaps better in e.mail than rushed in a chat room. Agree, Carla? Carla Herrera: Yes Mugget57: But been there done that probably.Love y'all anyway. Dearest: Where can they write to you, Carla? Carla Herrera: carla@contemporaryguide.com. I'll try to respond as quickly as possible. Dearest: Thanks. Mugget, make a note of Carla's email address, or I can send the question from the transcript to her if you send me your e.mail address to Dearest@aol.com BrassedOff: Going back to my question about post menopause, Dearest suggested that I need to make changes to my lifestyle to feel better, however if the debilitating symptoms such as as agoraphobia panic attacks mood swings and emotional turmoil don't abate, how can you change your lifestyle? Carla Herrera: A lifestyle change takes some serious work. Sometimes you have push yourself and at times, I've had to make others push me. I think there is medication to control the panic attacks and mood swings you're speaking of but you also have to take the initiative and become involved in the care of yourself. If you know exercise is going to help you, exercise. Eat the right foods. Dearest: Have you ever tried CBT? Cognitive behavioral therapy? I also strongly believe that exercise can help everything. When I used to suffer with panic attacks, I'd go into an exercise regimen and the panic would abate - it works the same way for depression and anxiety. I'm not saying it will "cure" the panic attacks - read Dr. Claire Weekes - she helped me immeasurably. Her books are on Amazon.com Carla Herrera: I agree with the exercise. It does incredible things for depression. Aussie49: Do you think after medical problems during perimenopause such as flooding, etc. have been taken care of that women feel a lot better in themselves, have a greater interest in life and don't take as much notice of other symptoms, such as hot flashes, tiredness, etc.? Carla Herrera: I think that if any medical problems you have had previously were cleared up, then yes, you would feel better. But I think we can't help but notice hot flashes and lethargy. I also take vitamins and herbs to help with those symptoms. Mugget57: What about having your women friends? I feel I can't get enough of their company but where do you look for new friends when old ones aren't available? Carla Herrera: Good question. I moved across the country and am just now beginning the social interaction thing again. Community groups, get involved in community, take a class. Anything to meet people your own age. Mugget57: But AARP? I'm 47. Carla Herrera: AARP? Mugget57: American Association for Retired Persons. Carla Herrera: You don't have to join AARP. You can join a local group, something you would enjoy doing. Or start your OWN group! SebagoGal: Is the characteristic menopausal weight gain around the midsection absolutely inevitable? I have never put on weight in this area before and can't seem to begin to get rid of it. I exercise often and nothing seems to make any difference. Carla Herrera: I think Dearest is more qualified to answer this than I am. From a personal standpoint, I lost weight in midlife. Dearest: The answer is yes - it's inevitable - even for those who've exercised and stayed fit all their lives, it's a redistribution of weight as we age. I wish I could tell you otherwise. You can lose weight, but that midsection won't be the same as it was when you had a flat stomach - unfortunately. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news :( SebagoGal: Drat! I wonder why some women don't have this problem????? Carla Herrera: Tummy tucks? Dearest: Girdles? Carla Herrera: Grueling crunchies Dearest: Believe me, they all have it. SebagoGal: I have enough to tuck these days!!!! Dearest: We all go through pretty much the same thing. Also, it depends somewhat on your body shape before midlife. SebagoGal: I'm afraid that left unchecked I could appear quite pregnant at 50+. Dearest: I'll meet you in the delivery room, Sebago :( Angel0508: What kind of vitamins & herbs do you take to control symptoms of menopause? Dearest: Angel, this is all on the Power Surge Web site - especially the Recommendations page at www.power-surge.com/recommend.htm Carla Herrera: I take soy for hot flashes and prenatal pills as a substitute for regular vitamins. Marlo: I think stress is the the number one issue of menopause. Do you agree? If you can control that you can control everything. Carla Herrera: Stress is a big one. There are an awful lot of issues concerning menopause, so I can't agree there is one number one issue. There are several we have to deal with at once, which is what makes it so stressful. Mrsurgeherself: I've been having night sweats forever it seems and hot flashes. How long do they typically last? Dearest: Read the article on Power Surge at www.power-surge.com/educate/whatsinahotflash.htm Mermaid2: Do you find yourself feeling braver and or bolder at this phase of your life? I do. Transitioning through menopause has brought me some great gifts along with the hot flashes. Dearest: Any diamonds? :) Mermaid2: LOL, sadly no Carla Herrera: Yes, I am much braver now. I think because I've been pushed enough that I don't care what most people think now. Mermaid2: Yes! Carla Herrera: I do care what some people think, the people who matter to me, but I feel bold. Dearest: You said a mouthful, Carla. I think that's one of the most beneficial parts of aging and going through menopause - you learn not to concern yourself with what everyone thinks anymore. Carla Herrera: I think I've had some help learning that one, actually, a lot of help. Dearest: Carla, thanks so much for joining us tonight in Power Surge to answer questions about the midlife transition. I highly recommend Carla Herrera's new book, "The Contemporary Woman's Guide To Midlife". Carla Herrera: Thanks for having me here Dearest. I enjoyed it. It was great being here. Hope we can do it again sometime. My site is www.contemporaryguide.com

Disclaimer:  Every guest in Power Surge is a highly respected professional whose
opinions are his/her own. An appearance in Power Surge does not constitute an 
endorsement of a guest's views.

None of these transcripts may be reprinted or reproduced without 
the express permission of Power Surge™ and the respective guest.

Read other transcripts by returning to the Library.


Dearest
aka Alice Stamm
Power Surge
Founder, Facilitator, Host


Copyright©1994-2012 by Power Surge.  All Rights Reserved.