Q: I have made absolute identification that my x of 8 yrs. Is a narcissist and cp. I was forced to break our engagement off due to her progressive insane and destructive behavior. I was always so confused and she convinced me over the last few yrs. It was me. I now have been in 7 months of absolute zero-zero contact and am almost back to myself again. my question is why is it so painful to get them out of your system/psyche even when I understand what these freaks are all about....i feel like she is still sucking my energy and it is still painful ....if I even hear anything about her I immediately get pain in my chest.....is this normal...does it stop...am I feeling normal feelings/pain for someone running from this sick person?...

A: The less you got the harder it is to heal. It is the fantasy that you are grieving, not the reality. And this is completely normal and predictable. Narcissists dismantle you and typically leave you feeling as though they are the only ones who can make you whole again. It isn't true but that's the way it feels. 100% disconnection is the only way to truly heal and yes, it takes a long time and it hurts like hell. But it does stop.

Steven Carter
Relationship expert and author of 19 books, including the New York Times bestseller, Men Who Can't Love, What Smart Women Know, Getting To Commitment, 'This Is How Love Works' and his newest, Help, I'm In Love With A Narcissist

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