Dearest: My guest tonight is SANDRA PERTOT, PH.D. Dr. Pertot is a Clinical Psychologist and Sex Therapist in private practice. She has been published in Woman's Day, Penthouse, and many publications in Australia where she lives.
Dr. Pertot's new book, "Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido", rejects the current notion that a "healthy" sex life means frequent and exciting. Instead, individuals fall along a wide spectrum of interest in sex and low libido does not necessarily mean sexual dysfunction.
Dr. Pertot, thank you for joining us tonight. It's a pleasure to welcome you to Power Surge :)
Welcome to Power Surge, Dr. Pertot :)
Dr. Sandra Pertot: Hello to you all - I hope I get the protocol right!
Dearest: You'll do fine. You're the guest. You don't have to ask any questions :)
Dr. Sandra Pertot: Thanks, it's great to be here.
Dearest: Dr. Pertot, you make a fascinating statement in you book, Perfectly Normal, "Despite 30 years of access to sex therapy and an increasing openness about sex during that time, the reported cases of sexual problems have not changed significantly - making for an interesting paradox." What do you think accounts for this continuing problem?
Dr. Sandra Pertot: I think a large part of it is that we now expect much more from sex. We can probably all remember how sex was presented in the 50s and 60s. Now we expect prolonged, hot passion, this is reinforced in the movies and by sex therapists.
Soul2Soul: They are working wonderfully well.
Dr. Sandra Pertot: I would ask about side effects, or search the web. A woman needs to feel relaxed, not tired, and secure with her partner so she can slowly work on establishing her sexual interest. These are the issues I explore in my book. It certainly isn't hopeless, but you need to work together as a couple to make progress.
SLMM36: What happens when they are completely comfortable but have no interest in even satisfying the husband?
Dr. Sandra Pertot: That has to be up for discussion between you - some relationships do end up coping well without sex, but unfortunately sometimes couples just don't find the common ground between them and the relationship suffers.
Macrina: My husband has a high libido. I have very little. He loves me but has difficult with intimacy, which I need in order to become aroused. I mainly touch him when he needs it. Sometimes we try to make love, but it becomes so complicated for me and I start to withdraw, because I don't feel we're connecting. I can't relax. Often when he touches me I get closer and closer and then I seem to pass over orgasm. Does anyone experience this? Any suggestions for my situation?
Dr. Sandra Pertot: It is important that you think about what makes sex pleasant, relaxing and enjoyable, with or without arousal, and talk to your husband about that. Help him understand that sex cannot happen as often as he would like if your needs, emotional or physical, aren't understood and met.
Women shouldn't take full responsibility for infrequent sex, because often the partner isn't doing what she need to want sex in any way. I encourage women to be confident when they talk to the man, to get him to understand his part in what is happening.
If he won't, he has to understand that you may need to withdraw from sex, and that is reasonable! It goes back to the issue of whether he will listen to and respect what you say about you.
Angel0508: Is your book available in USA?
Dearest: Yes, of course. Not mine. Dr. Pertot's.
Dr. Pertot, thank you for sharing your expertise on living and loving with low libido. I strongly recommend everyone get a copy of "Perfectly Normal" by Dr. Sandra Pertot.
Dr. Sandra Pertot: Thanks to you all!
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