Hello, precious ladies. Before I begin this post, let me share with you that it is steaming hot in Northern Maine today. We will long for this day in mid-January when all we have to gaze at is hard white snow.

I woke up yesterday morning at 3:17 A.M. with the usual urge to go to the bathroom and as I returned to my cozy, familiar bed and snuggled up against my husband, I realized suddenly that I was on the brink of "one of those days." Yes....one of those days: Everything goes in reverse. Tears are on the surface. Gloom and doom reign. Worries are magnified and the thought of illness and inevitable death are the focus. When I arose at 5:15 A.M. and forced myself to go about my usual morning routine, everything from the way my hair looked to my saggy, baggy pantyhose nearly brought me to tears. Indeed, it was "one of those days" and I thought they were long behind me.

I cannot begin to tell you how many horrifying, debilitating thoughts and foreign physical maladies have plagued me over the past three years; but I can honestly tell you that it gets so...so...so...much better! I have posted several times about getting to the "other side" and I have to reinforce that not only to you but also to myself after yesterday. When these days arrive, I feel as though the me I know and love is forced to abandon me until further notice. I do not like this evil, brooding, tortured creature who creeps into my mind at 3:17 A.M. in the morning, but I am seeing her less and less these days. In fact, I believe she is losing much of her strength and nearly all of her ability to hold me hostage for days at a time. By mid-afternoon, I watched her scamper away and I regained control once again.

You see, my dear friends, there are times when the sun goes briefly behind the clouds....but the clouds never win. I guarantee you this.

With much love and many hugs! Belinda

Hi Belinda, Thanks for such a encouraging post, Some days I just feel like I will never be my old self again, then I see post like theses and it really gives me hope. Thank you , (((hugs))) Cathy

Belinda,

I am hoping that what you said will be true for me. I go through long spells of sunshine and then something triggers the cloud and I'm in the dark again. I see you live in Maine. I am in NJ. I often wonder about the women to women doctors that promote natural HRT. They are in Maine and I wish I lived nearer so I could try them out. Anyway, its good to know that there is someone else out there waking in the wee hours with the creeps. Makes me feel less alone.

Belinda,

I have tears in my eyes as I'm reading your post. Thank you for showing the blue sky behind the clouds.

I have a friend who said she envisioned dancing with God the Father. She was standing on His feet as children do, and He was leading. It was fun and effortless.

Suddenly, He started dancing forward, thus she was dancing backwards. She then realized that when we feel we are going backwards, we are still going forward on God's feet.

I thought that was a great picture!

Hugs,
L

Dear Belinda,

What a wonderful thing you did for all of us that are in the thros of peri!

I can't begin to express my gratitude for your simple little "uplifting" post!

I was just stting here remembering how uncontrollable this odd behavior can be. Crying one day and soooooooooo crabby the next! Not at all how I really know myself to be. HOPE. You just gave me hope..............it won't alway be like this, and I already knew that, but it was still very encouraging to read your words..Thank you

Thanks Lynsi, I needed to read this. It's a beautiful image.

Oh Belinda,

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! I just said to my husband today that I wonder if I will ever feel good/be happy again. All this has taken such a toll on me, my family, my friendships, my LIFE.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! Your post has been the most encouraging thing I have read since all this started.

Hugs, Susan

First let me say Mamamia, the lil picture you have at the bottom is a quack up, how funny, made me laugh, thanks.

Belinda you are very poetic how beautitful you put it, the other girls have said it all , thanks, Tinks
Hope your day is filled with polka dots and moonbeams

Belinda,

More than ANYTHING we need to hear that we will not feel this way forever. Thank you so much. I need to believe that I will see my true self again some day.

If it weren't for all you wonderful women I would think I had some dreadful disease that my doctors don't know about.

Those creepy thoughts love to creep but we need to chase them away.

With much affection to all,
]
Lisa

Belinda how lovely to read your uplifting post.
I am moving on from my cancer shock but having no ovaries and not being allowed anything-not even natural hormones is really taking its toll.
I am drained from hot flushes and tears are always near the surface. The anxiety never goes away-it is crippling.
I thought that when I accepted I was cured and that there was nothing more to fear the feelings of dread would go.
I realise that my body is still reeling from the loss of hormones. Some days I am scared that it will never recover.
I am feeling very sad at present because I have everything to be happy about but I just can't feel happy.
It is nice to know that you are still around because I haven't seen you posting for a while.
Hugs Janet c

I am still here, Jan! And as always, I am concerned about all of you sweet ladies and your struggles and your victories. Jan, you have been an inspiration to me in so many ways: your battle and defeat of the endometrial cancer and your strength when you faced the possibility of the problem with your mammogram. I was there cheering you on throughout all of it, my friend.

Today, as my husband worked on putting tile in our new kitchen, I asked him if he thought the old Belinda was back, and he said, "Yes! And I am so thankful to see more and more of her every day. I thought I had lost her."

It truly, truly passes, my dears. When you are at your deepest, darkest moment - please think of me and recall my promise to you. This horrible time of your life will fade away - leaving you stronger and wiser. I have floundered in the depths of it and I am much stronger than it can ever be.

Thank you all for your positive reactions to this post. Your appreciation for my words means everything to me. I plan on sharing a very positive experience I just had with my annual mammogram with everyone later on this weekend. Tonight, I am sitting on my love seat, hooked up via wireless router and struggling with this tiny Apple keyboard; just wait until I get the chance to dance my fingers over the desktop keyboard!

Love to all - and Meryl, if you read this post, I send you many hugs. Belinda

Belinda,
I am speechless, and hopeful at the same time. I am really going through today but thanks to your encouraging words I can see the light at the end of this journey. I wish you all the best that life has to offer to you!
Peace & Blessings,
Robbie (NUTIPERIBUDI)

Belinda,

"This too shall pass" were my father's favorite words of advice. Only as I get older do I realize how important it is to think like this (hard to do sometimes when I am fueled by peri anxiety!)

Thanks for passing on some words of wisdom - it makes me hopeful!

maura

Such wonderful thoughts. However, I've been postmenopausal for15 years due to ovaries surgically removed and I have had plenty of weeks that I felt normal and plenty of weeks that I felt off balanced in many ways. The little complaint of hot flashes that I keep hearing about is nothing compared to other problems dealing with menopause. I still have hot flashes. Yes, even after 15 years. I wish this minor sympton was the BIG problem. There are plenty of times when the sun goes briefly behind the clouds, but the clouds will always come back. Sometimes the clouds stay put for months. I quarantee you this. I have kept hoping after all of the passing years that I would be like some women and just breeze through menopause..I am not one of those.

I want to encourage all women to continue to explore the right path to wholeness and to not give up. 10 minutes with a Dr. does not do it. If they or anyone else has not experienced what I have, there is no way they can understand. I have now been on bioidentical hormones for 2 weeks and already feel a difference for the better. I don't care what studies have been done for or against, I will do whatever to survive emotionally.

I have a wonderful life and I want to be emotionally fit for what time I have left. I am not endorsing the bioidentical hormones for everyone but I feel better now than when I used other hormone replacement pills. I know studies show they are the same thing in the final analysis but these seem to help me. I will continue this route to see just how long the bioidentical therapy helps. I hope forever.

Belinda~~While browsing the boards today, I found your post from July 2006. I want to say Thank You! I wish I had seen it sooner. Your statement about the "brooding, tourtured creature" and how you are seeing less and less of her.... how she's losing her strength and ability to hold you hostage gives us reason to believe that it gets better. Those of us who have had many days of wondering if we'll ever be whole again, can find so much hope and strength in your words. I think your post represents so many of us. I felt like I was reading my own story, esp for the past 3 years. I'm confident that the "other side" is in reach now as I do get glimpses of it now and then.

Thank You and ((((((((Hugs))))))))

~Fin~

Fabulous! This helps so much no matter how old the post. I search for more positive words. They truly help.

Thank You!

Hi all its 7.45am here in adelaide, I had a bad night last night waking at 2am and having butterflys and crawling skin, I go off to work at 6.45am so I don't get much sleep, I have had hot flushes for a few years but for the last 5months I have had this and it is so depressing, I have been on Kliovance for 4 weeks then I start the patch, i just want it to end i am only 52

A wonderful thing to envision! Thank you!

Thank you for these encouraging words!

I am so glad this thread was brought back around again. I've been having new symptoms that are draining me of what ever remaining hope I had that "this too shall pass". Everytime I start to feel a little better and some symptoms subside, new ones come along that make me feel as if I am back to ground zero.

This thread gives me hope that eventually I will someday find a new me that I can be comfortable with.

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to post the uplifting and encouraging posts. It really helps!!!!

Hugs,
Susan

I've really enjoyed reading this thread! It has given me HOPE that my life will get better and there really IS a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! Thanks everyone who posted on here.....