Tonight is my first night back at home. I have spent the last week and a half living with friends.

Honey and I had a fight. He hit me once to get my attention. He hit me again when I got "hysterical" to calm me down. He hit me a third time when that didn't work.
I threw on some clothes (thankfully) grabbed my purse and left. He chased me down the street, tried to stop me, but didn't touch me again. I was able to cross the street and get away.
I spent the night on a co-workers couch. My boss put me up the next night. He also accompanied me (with another big, burly friend) to my apartment to pick up some stuff.
Honey was distraught, had been sick about what had happened, couldn't sleep. But was himself again, so I let the body guards go. We talked for about an hour. I was NOT coming home while he was still there. I got socks, undies and my meds and went to stay with other friends until he could get himself together enough to get out of town.
We have talked a few times, made arrangements about our stuff, figured out the "game plan".

He left today, and I am at home with my cat again. It feels really wierd to be here without him, but I WILL NOT PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT AGAIN!
I will help him get settled elsewhere, as best as I can, but I have to get on with my life.

He has Brain Injury from menningitis, and has been known to fly into rages. They had never been directed at me before. He is on disability because of this. We have had a happy relationship.
But I couldn't chew solid food for a week!
Because of his disability, he will only get worse, more unpredictible. Because he has hit me once, he may hit me again.
I still love him, but I deserve better than that.

I have cried myself to sleep every night since, but he is gone now, and I will be better for this.

Now I am home again, and I will work on getting myself and my life back together.

Just needed to rant.
Please send positive thoughts in my direction. I can use all the help I can get!

Marilyn

Marilyn, Let me first say you are a very smart gal and did the right thing. I am sorry you had to go through that whole ordeal it must have been hell. I am also sorry for his condition but you can only do so much and once he hit you thats it the end. I was up because I just came back from the hospital my 16yr old got hit playing football and they had to transport him to the hospital he had his hip dislocated so bad they had to knock him out with drugs and put his hip back in place. Wow from one day to another your life can just take turns you werent expecting. I will pray that you have the courage to be at peace with your decision and to take care of yourself and make a better life for yourself. God bless you, Tinkybug (lety)

Marilyn...I know you are in pain and hurting right now.
But, you have made the wise choice.

You are right... you would never be able to trust him not hitting you again. Once the violence starts it is so very hard to control the urge to hit again...to control the other person. Sounds as if, he has no control over his urges since the brain injury.
Even, if medicine was to help...it takes a strong desire to be violence free, and a working effort toward that goal. Doesn't sound as if he had any counseling in anger management, otherwise this would not have happened.

So many wait and stay with the abusing partner...thinking things will get better. This is not the case with abuse...it's a form of control that many do not want to give up.
Your one of the lucky one's...more often than not many are not able to walk away and end up dead.
This is nothing to fool around with...if he continures to come around get a restraining order. If, it happened once...it can happen again.
Keep your self safe...at all cost.

You will heal and the hurt will ease over time...your right you deserve so much more in your life.
I'm so proud of you for thinking more of yourself and walking away.

May God heal your pain...sending you prayers.
(((HUGS))) to you.

Yep

Merilyn,

We're all here for you...I don't have to tell you you've done the right thing...But i do have to tell you how proud I am of you.

Of course positive thoughts and prayers are being sent your way...Please lean on us...We're all here for one another!!

Thanks for loving yourself that much...Im sure your strength has helped others that are struggling to do the same.

(((( BIG HUGS))))
Lynda

Marilyn: I had to post and tell you that I am so sorry you are going through this awful time. It must be so hard to be ending a relationship that was once happy. I'm curious; is there any medicaiton the doctors can give your partner to control his rages? If they're caused by something neurological, maybe an anti-seizure med would help...maybe you've already gone this route...sorry, I know you asked for support, not advice. I'm here for you, we all are. You'll get through this, and the lonely days ahead. It's so cliche sounding, but when one door closes, another one really does open. Hang in there and try to be extraordinarily good to yourself. You've been through a horrific experience, and you deserve comfort and nurturing.

My prayers are with you...

Marilyn,


{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} Good for you! I can't imagine what you must be going through! I certainly commend you for what you did. That must have been so hard.

You will get through this and be all the better for it. You're right, you do deserve so much more than that. Hopefully, he can get the help he needs but you don't need to be there while he does. It could be so much worse next time.

I'm so glad you have people by you to help you through this and just know that we are all here for you too. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way too!

mrsb

Marilyn,
Sorry that you have to go through this. It is always painful when a once good relationship must end.

But, you are obviously a strong and brave woman. I admire you for the strong decision you have made for yourself.

Sending you lots of prayers for happy times in the future.....they will come.

Thank you ALL for your support!
He was on medication at the beginning, but it didn't make sense to him. He spent a lot of time getting over the damage the conflicting meds did to him. He was a better man without them; researched his condition, learned to recognise the triggers and avoid them.
It just got out of hand.
We had too many words.

There are no support groups here for us. (either he as a sufferer, or me as a spouse)
That was one of the things he said to me in our "parting" conversations, that if I had had support, maybe I would have been able to better recognise the stress that has been building for the last several months that contributed to the end. And if he had had better support as a brain injury sufferer, there may have been different avenues opened to him.

It's sad, but it's over.

My cat has not left my side since I came home.

I'm decorating wine glasses for my hosts for the last week and a half.

I am sad, but I have always been able to land on my feet.

Got new batteries for "BOB" (battery operated boyfriend)

And everybody at work is on my side.
My boss even said how proud he was of me for not going back.
((Has even offered a spare bedroom in his house if I need it))

I need to take a little time to figure out where I go next.,
BUT GOSH IT FEELS GOOD TO BE HOME!!!!!

I have my crafts, I have my kitty, and I feel safe.

Thanks again for just being here.
You gals are the best support I could ever ask!

Oh, yeah, the herbals are kicking in again, so at least I don't have to deal with flashes again. The mood swings on the other hand are another story ((may not be able to put them down TOTALLY to hormones!!))

Marilyn

Sending prayers for Marilyn and tinkybug (and her son).

You are not alone...don't give up,and keep going forward. God's mercies are new every morning.

My first marriage lasted about 10 months; the first time my new hubbie smacked me in the mouth was his last; I walked (he wasn't pleased with the cleaning job I did in the bathroom).....the psychological pain of feeling like a first class, public a**h*** was part of the worst of it. Luckily, I didn't have children involved in this.

I will now have been married to a terrific guy, 19 years in June. He is a sweetheart. Sometimes you gotta marry wrong, in order to marry right.

Least that was the way it was for me.

The hell you are going through now, will pass........tough it out anyway you can, for you will persevere and living well is life's best revenge.

Its still wierd with him not being here.
I went for a pee tonight. Put down the seat (cause he NEVER did). Stood up quickly and put UP the seat, cause I'd put down the lid!
Each day gets easier, tho.
Thanks for the support!

(((((((((((((((((MARILYN)))))))))))))))))))

I cant really add anything to what your other friends here have already said. But just wanted you to know I REALLY feel for you......... to love someone and have to let them go and lose all that is 'good' is indescribably heartbreaking and requires a special kind of courage and strength. The choking loss WILL slowly get less. I have loved reading your posts - your warmth and kindness and humour sings through all that you write and Im confident that your 'very attractive soul' will have them queuing up to 'connect' - I hope next time brings the happiness and security and great times you sooo deserve ...........

With much respect

Julie x

Marilyn,


I just want to tell you that you are my hero. So many women don't have the guts to do what you did. You hang in there girl. You are going to be fine.



Patrice

(((MARILYN)))

Thinking of you right now. Thank God for our pets, huh? My kitty (and dog) have helped me during many a sad moment...

We're all proud of you.

JJ

So glad that you are out of it and safe !!!!

Thinking of you,

Big hugs !!!

Margali