I have been reading everyone posts and it does help, but I can't stop this depression I'm sinking into. I was told in Jan I am post according to my FSH. A biopsy shortly thereafter confirmed it, although my last period was only last December. Can a biopsy show that I won't have a period again? Looking back into the last 2 years, I realize now I was in peri. I was crazy but chalked it up to losing my dad, my teenage girl going bonkers and hormones bouncing all over since I had 2 babies back to back. My headaches I had in Jan and Feb are pretty much gone. But the last 3 days I feel like I have gone over the edge. I have lost any motivation I had. I have no desire. Even going on the computer doesn't help. Nothing brings a smile anymore. My 3 old is telling me not to be mad. How pathetic is that.I can't stop crying. I told my husband I hated him. He's extremely uptight and usually I can let things slide. Not any more. He's looking at me and I know he's thinking it's my hormones. My 16 year did some stupid things a year and a half ago and he took it too personal. He's her stepdad. He still brings it up. It completely changed him. He can not understand why she did things as he says to him. Mind you, it had nothing to do with him. He was the furthest thing from her mind. I'm like .. will you just let it go. I have absolutley no more tolerance for this. Life is way too short. I know that I let things go easier since I had an extremely bad first marriage to an abusive drug addict. It changed me. I feel like I have no tolerance left for anything. Anyways, I spotted a little yesterday and this morning. Is my body trying to have a period? Will this depression lift now? I made an appt to see my doctor next week but for what? Now the 2 little ones are fighting and I want to crawl in a hole. Problem is, I can't. I suppose that's a good thing because I probably would never come out. Does anyone have hope for me? I am truly sorry for the rambling.

Welcome to PS !!! I'm sorry that you are going through these issues, but you've come to the right place for support, encouragement, and vast information. I don't understand about the biopsy, but postmenopause means that you have gone without a period for 12 consecutive months.

Have you spoken with a doctor about your depression? I hope that you have a knowledgeable and supportive doctor, if not keep searching because help is available. Since going into perimenopause I've found relief by taking various medications, changing my diet, taking vitamins and supplements, and communicating with others about these changes in my life.

You are not alone.

Hi Marian

So sorry you are so down - you have such a lot going on

If you have had a period in Dec then you are still perimenopausal according to medical definition of menopause - I didnt know they did biopsies to check???? Was it for something else?

You are right life is way too short and precious and you will get through this

I was told my hormones were post meno and then I was told they were normal again (?) and then I was told they were post again - I dont listen much to my DR anymore - I take the result and I listen to my body and the girls on this site - who are going trough the same cranky stuff

I have been depressed on and off this year - been on and off meds - I have days when I feel like climbing the walls, days I cant be bothered to get out of bed - days I dont want to eat - totally lost my way motivationally BUT I am hanging in there - and when I am feeling nuts - I come here to this site...it really helps me.....to share and find people who understand my symptoms and feelings however werid and off the wall they are.

I have found that a healthy diet (even when I have to force food down), exercise (even when I have to drag my unmotivated butt out of the door), relaxation (even when I dont want to) and a positive attitude is helping - I will come bouncing out the other side!!!!! Love yourself - be your own best friend and keep logging in here and find help. Do it - dont think about it.

Love and hugs and smiles from a fellow perigirl

Mele

Mariann,

Things do get better. There are good days. I know that it is hard with teenagers and little ones cause I have both too. Sometimes I feel like crying over the fact that I feel like my kids are getting ripped off by having a peri mom. But on my good days I realize that even people who look like they have it all together don't. Our kids are lucky that they have moms who really love them! We really are useful even on our bad days. We are here for a reason! I will pray for you today! I really know how you feel !

Hi, Mariann.

Please know that you are not alone in your feelings. Not by a long shot! This peri/menopause stuff wreaks havoc & there are times when it feels like I'm circling the drain, too paralyzed to do much of anything.

I agree with "MyFaith" who made the suggestion about seeing a doctor or some other specialist for your depression, if you are not already. I am in the midst of getting help for my depression, anxiety, and overwhelm, too, even though I felt I should be able to will myself back to my old, sturdy self on my own. It took me a while to decide to seek help. But, then I thought about this analogy: if my child needed eye glasses to see, would I make sure he got them or not? Of course, I would. Well, I need some support with my emotional state now. Whether it's anti-depressants, or holistic, or herbal remedies, there are people out there who can help us. I haven't found the right combination to take my symptoms away, yet, but try to be hopeful. My husband, poor thing, just wants the old me back. We need to be extra kind to our spouses because they don't know where in the world we are coming from. God knows, I don't want to lose my guy over peri/meno nonsense.

I don't mean to sound preachy or like I have it together, because I do not. I am struggling daily, too. However, I see a woman counselor who reassures me that I am not crazy and that I will find my path. She has had many clients who are suffering, as we are, through peri/meno. She swears there is light at the end of the tunnel ... as do many of the women here at Power Surge. During my bad days, I literally hang on to her words and I pray for help. We will get through this.

Mariann, you will find your path, too. Take care of yourself. I'm thinking of you & your family.

{{{{Mariann}}}

Hang in there,sweetie. You'll get through this. I do think you should keep your doctor appointment even if you really don't know what you're going for. He needs to know what is happening with you so that he can help. Maybe you could ask him about referring you to see a counselor.

Don't beat yourself up if you need to go on meds. It won't be forever. Your family needs you and you need to be able to take care of yourself so that you can be there for them.

Just know that we are all here for you! We're all on this merry-go-round together! See me? I'm the one over there next to you on the pretty pink horse!

Love ya!

mrsb

The advice given here from you ladies are excellent ...if I had only found this site back in 2002 when my perimenopausal symptoms became severe.

Like Wendie I thought that I could will my way back to "normal"; this attitude caused me much panic attacks, depression, feeling of derealization, insomnia, jitters...you ladies know the rest . Now I tell other women if they need help (medication, antidepressant, antianxiety, hrt, bioidentical hormones, herbal remedies, counseling...whatever) there is no shame in reaching out and seeking whatever assistance you need. There is no need to suffer needlessly when there is so much available.

Mariann, I really hope that you find comfort from these post and get the assistance that you need asap in order to feel better . You and others here are in my prayers.

Thank you all for your posts. This morning, so far, I think I feel better. I do think somehow my body was trying to have a period. I know that I have been depressed here and there but have never felt like I was sinking so low so fast. It was overwhelming. I am seeing my doctor on Friday and I have a bunch of questions that I am starting to write down. I am absolutely not against meds if that's what I need. My mom and one of my best girlfriends are on them mostly because of me pushing them to get help and I'm amazed at the difference.

I told my husband that I needed him with me today for me and not hanging around in the yesterdays. If something happens to our relationship, he would regret not being here. I told him for every minute he spends angry, he losing 60 seconds of happiness with me and the kids. He said he knows, but it's so much easier for me to let go of things. He said he's trying and I said try harder. I felt harsh, but it needs to be said. I never, never ask for help for me. I am an extreme caretaker and always have been, hence the relationship with an abusive drug addict for 20+ years. Years of counseling helped, but it's easy to fall back in that role especially when you have 3 kids. Lord know I am trying, really and truly. I have to remember it needs to be about me sometimes.

The only thing that keeps me sane through this is knowing I'm not alone and the support I get from so many caring ladies each of whom I wish I could personally give a great big hug too but this will have to do Thank you so much. xoxoxooxox

One more thing, I think yesterday I had those internal tremors. I couldn't believe it. The great part was that I knew what they were because of this site. Lucky me.

Marianne-

whenever you feel alone or scared try to remember you are never alone. This site is proof of that. Many, many of us go through the same feelings and we will get through it! There's lots of help out there, and wasn't when our moms and grandmoms were going thru this. Which is very needed today because today's women are under more stress these days. There is a God and He listens! so pray out your heart to Him. He will give you strength.

Helene

Marianne,

I pray things get better for you soon! I'm glad today was a bit better. Hang in there! Let us know how your doctor visit goes.

Zelma

Mariann -- so glad that things appear to be looking up and that you are speaking to your spouse about being more supportive to you. In the meantime, we are all thinking of you and hoping you are able to get on track soon. Good luck with the doctor on Friday.

Wendie

Marianne,

I agree with the others - speak with your doc and consider medication if it will help you keep going right now. Anti-depressants aren't for everyone, but for me they were an essential lifeline. I had stopped getting out of bed, too, so know EXACTLY what you are going through.

It's good that you've put your foot down with your husband about the situation with your daughter. It's not appropriate for someone to hold on to this for so long - and how can you possibly feel anything other than stuck in the middle? You don't need this right now! Your husband might benefit from some counseling. Kids do stupid things at times, and when adults hang on to this, they make matters much, much worse. (Speaking from experience here!)

Good luck, and hope you feel better soon,
JJ

Mariann,

Glad to hear you had a better day today!!

Thanks everyone. I am taking it slowly till Friday. I feel the strangest sensations right now, almost like my body isn't mine anymore. I feel drained and just going through the motions but that's okay because I know it will bring me to the end of the week. Lots of hugs and thanks.

Mariann,

Thinking of you right now, and hoping you're doing okay. I know those feelings of "unreality," and want to assure you that they pass! It may be hard to believe while you're in it (it was for me), but things truly do get better. Take it an hour/minute/second at a time for now, and have faith..

(((HUGS)))

JJ

Thanks for thinking of me JJ. I went to the doctor and he wants me to stop my thyroid medicine and come back in 2 weeks for a complete check on all my hormones and thyroid. I'm glad I have a doctor that cares but disappointed a little because I had my mind set that I was going on an antidepressent. He said he wants to get at the root of my depression and other symptoms and going on an AD might mask the problem. He also said to think about the idea of HRT which wasn't what I was thinking at all at this point. So now more homework and more waiting..... that's the worst part. I can't say thanks enough to everyone, it's like a lifeline.

I just need to vent a little. I told you all that I talked to my husband about being more supportive and letting go of the past. What was that a week ago?? Well all was going well as I'm coming off my thryoid medicine and waiting to go for blood work. I actually have been taking it a day at a time and feeling pretty good. Well then yesterday he brought up the past AGAIN!!! He had this look of anger and I said what's wrong. He said you don't want to know and I asked him if it was about ...... Of course it was. He's half my problem I'm realizing. I walked away and did what I know everyone would say. It's not my problem, I took a deep breath and went on with the day. Why is it when us women have issues, they come to the forefront temporarily???? Don't get me wrong, I do love my husband, but more often than not, I feel like I have 4 kids, not 3.

Good for you,Mariann! You have to pick which battles to fight and you're right...this one isn't yours. It's his. The more you ignore the supposed slight he's feeling, maybe the less he will bring it up.

Next time you ask him what is wrong and you know he's going to go on about it yet again,just tell him,you need to get over this. It never was about you and I don't have the energy to deal with it!

It's either that or you really need to sit down and let him know just how much this is really bothering you,though it does sound like you have done that.

He just needs to realize that teenagers are very self-centered creatures and they do grow up! Eventually...

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Oh I forgot to tell you. I think the reason I'm feeling better is I am really spotting now. Maybe even a light period. It's been over 4 months and I'm thinking my body is having an estrogen surge. I have been doing so much research in the last couple of months, I forget what I read. I think also since I'm coming off synthroid it could make me have a period. So now it should be interesting to see how I feel in about a week and I wonder what all my blood work will now say. Maybe having an FSH level of 68 means nothing but damn do I feel pretty good right now. Another way of telling how I feel.... I would have lost my mind and screamed at my husband with his attitude a couple of weeks ago.