...and this my dear is why we chose the states for our home amongst other things lol! We are planning our trip over in a couple of months. I found a gorgeous little cottage near Flatford Mill http://www.grove-cottages.co.uk/suffolk-ho...Caddy%20Cottage. This little cottage is now my screen saver with promises from the hubby we will think about building one similar here in the states. I'm in love with it but not nearly as much as I am in love with him ha ha! Of course we will have to supersize it a bit to fit our American lifestyles!

Sorry-I meant Suffolk- which is obviously south East Anglia as opposed to Norfolk which is north East Anglia-well you know what i mean!

I know I am younger, and I am still in the early peri stages but I have noticed the diminish in sex drive. Maybe it isn't that I don't want it but more I don't feel good health wise to have it.

Anyway on the 23rd of December I had some last minute shopping, wrapping and baking to do. We have one vehicle so when the DH got home I set off to finish my shopping. When I got home I could smell cologne and soap and I came to the back of the house to find candles lit, music going and my husband sitting in bed smiling at me. I know he was trying his best at romance but in all honesty it really ticked me off. I had groceries to get out of the car and the gifts to finish wrapping. I tried my best to be polite and stated something along the lines of, this is very nice of you but I have so much to do at the moment and hope we can wait until later. Maybe I was wrong, but I just couldn't get my brain or body around intimacy at the moment.

He did come to help with the groceries and he finished some gift wrapping/cards himself. Then he left me to my own in the other room and he got on his laptop to play a game. By the time I got finished and came to the bedroom, he seemed to have lost his romantic state and he ignored me. That night he got up and down out of bed stomped about the house and the next morning slammed doors and spun tires as he left the house without so much as a love you or a kiss. This truly aggravated me to the point I couldn't see straight. He was mad imo because we didn't get intimate!

So two days of not speaking, I finally broke down and wrote him an email at work. I came to the conclusion it was a constant lack of romance in the little sense, all the time every day and not just in one fleeting moment that bothered me. I had stopped getting the "I love you" calls and emails, I wasn't getting the hugs with the pat on the bum everyday, I wasn't getting a token of affection, flowers, gifts, cards ya know the little things us girls like. It was like I was to climb in bed and he could rub on my back for a few minutes and I should be in pure bliss or something. In my email I noted that I don't always feel like it, but there is no harm in still showing me affection that I do appreciate it but that what I don't appreciate is this expectancy of being intimate when I feel so darn bad sometimes. Intimacy is more than a sexual act. Sometimes a cuddle is all I want, that might not satisfy his desires but it does mine and I wanted him to understand that. Basically I told him if you give me what I want you will probably get what you want. I also told him to read my words and that I DID NOT want to discuss it further, he just needed to do what I ask and not question or blame me for anything!

Sure enough for the last week and a half, he has done everything just right. This morning I had a love note waiting for me on my keyboard, it simply states "good morning to my beautiful princess, I love you, have a good day, see you later ...your hubby xoxoxox". Just this very moment while I was writing he called to ask how I felt and how my day was going and to encourage me to journal so he too can keep up with what is going on with my body and that WE will work through these problems. I don't feel like knocking out some hot loving in the bedroom but I do feel loved and I do feel romanced and maybe that is enough for now while I go through this hormonal hell.

Don't get me wrong we still have intimate moments and when we do they are great. It isn't however what it was five years ago when we met, but that is life and he as well as I have to accept that. The more he has done this week the more I have actually desired some form of intimacy. So maybe we aren't all having sex, but are we all trying our best to help our husbands understand what we feel and are going through? Are we telling them what we need? Are we still trying to be romantic even if we don't feel intimate? They are our husbands and they need to be shown love and romance just as much as we do, but we have to help them understand. Seriously by him trying a bit more, to just love me has improved what I feel over all even when I am having heart palpitations or that nervous anxiety...I can go for a hug and cuddle and get a giggle out of him groping my butt in the middle of the hug or whatever it might be. I get comfort he gets a bit of a feel up and it works for both our needs. I have also been making sure that my hair is done, that I put on a bit of makeup, that I try to greet him with a hug and smile when he comes in the door all the while relaying that I will try my best but that doesn't mean I want to jump in the sack!

Also have given in to watching a bit of softer porn together, really I can watch it and not feel the slightest bit of anything but it gives him the visual that he needs as a man. I am trying to find new ways of being intimate together. We have never been afraid of sexual aids in our marriage, and have gone into that a bit more. I have even suggested a visit this weekend to a local shop that is done very well so that a woman can go in and not feel embarrassed about being there. The front portion of the store has beautiful lingerie, not any different from going into victorias secret really. As you move to the back of the store you find creams, massage lotions etc, then the back end is curtained off and of course you find the toy section and further on a curtained movie section. Only women work in here and they are pleasant and very helpful (it is weird in a lot of ways) if you get in the right mind set it isn't any different than asking a doctor for help about embarrassing things. My suggestion is to try the suburbs for an adult store and not hit one that is in the middle of downtown or next to a bar of some sort. Of course there is always online resources and home parties too. If anyone wants to chat or ask questions about new things that might help, I would be glad to help without making you feel uncomfortable. For myself having the gals in the shop explain things or recommend things makes me feel more comfortable in choosing new stuff. I know this isn't for some women and against others beliefs and I am not trying to offend anyone or be perverted. For those that feel that way, try romantic movies, or read a romantic book, buy some new sexy lingerie, or dress up just to feel sexier.

Whatever it takes to make you feel more beautiful, more sexy, more romantic, more intimate. I know personally my husband could stand stark naked in front of me and it would not turn me on the slightest. On the other hand I can put on some stockings, heals and a hot little dress and that can make me more in the mood than he could ever do even if he had rippling muscles and looked like he stepped off a romance novel cover lol.

I am fortunate that even when my husband has a dumb man moment and forgets romance he has always been one in the bedroom to be patient and he doesn't get his big finally until I have mine. I will say there are plenty of times when he never has a big finally because I get to the point of .....well I'm done, this is all that is going to happen and the mood just isn't there. I know this bothers him, but he isn't persistent at those times and I am grateful for that.

I dunno I guess I needed to share my experience through peri. Also felt the need to share with other women that even if you don't want to be intimate, do try to keep the romance alive in some way and to converse with your spouse to help him understand that you still love and want him! Try new things even if they seem way out there for your character, nobody has to know but you and your husband! This really really is hard for them to understand just as it is for us. I don't think any of you can say you don't want the romance and love even when you don't want the intimacy. Spice it up ladies and at least put forth the effort for other means of love besides sex. You might find you feel better all over because you get comfort in these crappy times of our life.

Bethanie

I would prefer lights dim or out myself. He kisses my fat tummy so I guess he loves me no matter what I look like lol so lights on typically.

Have you actually booked to rent the cottage, and when will you be coming?