I have been feeling so suicidal lately because of all this peri stuff!!! I want all of this to stop and I want to be me again! Although tests reveal nothing.....i have vaginal itching that is driving me to distraction....if not itching, then burning...or soreness....not sure which of those is the worse.....having tooo many symptoms to count or name . I'm a Christian and I don't believe it feeling like this or having all this fear but i can't see to help. I'm going mad and I want out! There is not end to all of these horrible symptoms and I am so afraid ....of everything really! What is wrong with me???!!! Will i ever be normal again....or just comfortable???? If there are any Christians out there,,,please pray for me. I need it desperately! Thanks!

Hi there, sorry you're feeling so depressed, I'm sure that many ladies on this board, including myself, can relate to the feelings you describe of just wanting it all to end. I too get vaginal itching, as well as a multitude of other symptoms which drive me bonkers, although for me the itching is not nearly as bad as it seems to be for you. Have you been prescribed any treatment to help the itching? There must be something out there that would at least help to relieve the symptoms and give you some quality of life back. On days when I'm feeling particularly low I remind myself that this cannot last forever, I have had days of feeling on top of the world before and will again.

If you are seriously thinking about ending it all PLEASE seek help before doing anything you may regret. I live in the UK and here we have a crisis telephone line called the samaritans, I'm sure there must be something similar in the US. Just try to hang on in there, this WILL get better with time however hopeless it may seem now. You can get yourself to a Doctor on Monday morning and get something that will make you feel better than you do now - whether it's anti depressant/ anti anxiety medication or something that will help to relieve the itching. I reached a particularly low point over a year ago where the anxiety got too much for me and I spent most of my time in tears feeling like I was going to die - I do know how it feels and I promise you I feel so much better than that today - partly thanks to anti depressants! I am praying for you and I'm sure there are many others here who will too. Take care and don't give up!! Jess xx

Hi,

Sorry you're feeling so down. I had fear problems with perimenopause. A few weeks ago, I posted about them, in detail, on another thread, because a person on that thread was experiencing similar fear issues. As far as the fear thing goes, it does get better.

Here's a link to the thread where I posted (it's a long post, so I thought it would be easier just to link you to the thread.)

http://www.power-surge.com/php/forums/inde...?showtopic=7522

GHM,

I posted a response about the vaginal itching on the "My Symptoms" board - I had this, too.

I'm with the others - get yourself some help if you're truly despairing. Anti-depressants kept me going while waiting for the crappy symptoms to ease up. And if you can't take AD's, there are many other approaches to get yourself feeling better. Just keep working with your doc.

Let us know how you're doing, okay?

JJ

please go and see your doc about the itching, burning and soreness... there are a few conditions that will cause this, and there will be treatments available to help you. prayer alone will not do it.

GHM, perhaps you would like to try seeing a counselor? I have found counseling to be very helpful as I learn to deal with the anxiety, depressed feelings, agoraphobia, relationships, and various changes related to "the change." If you can, look for a counselor who does Cognative Behavioral Therapy and who knows about perimenopause.

You might also want to look for a doctor who specializes in menopause. If you google "North American Menopause Society" you'll find their web site and lists of menopause specialists in your area. Perhaps some natural bioidentical hormones could help?

The other thing I've found most helpful is acceptance. Accepting that this is really happening to me, that I am getting a little older, that these symptoms are a natural and normal part of peri. They are temporary, and eventually will go away. If you fight it and don't accept it, you'll be discontented and work yourself into a tizzy every time a symptom pops up. You are not dying. Your life is not over. You are going through a passage, a difficult one. And God is with you though it all. He created us, so he knows exactly how you feel.

Hang in there. You are not alone!

Hi GodHelpMe,

I hope you are feeling better today. I am not a Christian but you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please hang in there and write to us. We are all in the same boat. Please if you really feel depressed TALK TO SOMEONE. If there is no one around you who understands ( very possible!) then tell us. i don't know where you are but if you want I will give you my number. Call me and talk to me as long as you want, we will help you get through this...

See a doctor, may be some medication might help you. Most of all know this, You are not alone!

It's a wierd, wacky, scary road we are all on. With the emotional ups and downs, we never know where to turn to next, or what to expect next.
The changes in our body chemistry are confusing the heck out of the rest of our systems, everything is under stress!

GodHelpMe, believe it or not, this IS a natural process, the next progression on the path of life that God has set for us.
Your faith will let you know that He will not give you anything you cannot handle. I also believe that He does not intend for you to try to handle this yourself.
You have made great strides by coming on line here, asking for help. Go through the posts, read others' stories and you will learn that you are not alone.
You must also seek a doctor's advice. The itching and burning could be an easily treated infection, nothing to do with peri, but none-the-less hugely irritating. You won't know for sure until you get it checked out. There is no reason for you to suffer. If the tests reveal nothing, ASK YOUR DOCTOR about a soothing cream for the itching, she/he should be able to recommend something.
Go to the "Educate Your Body", "Ask the Experts" and "Reccomendations" sites here. There is all kinds of info, and these girls have been through it all, at some point.
There are so many paths left to explore before you give up on yourself. Just by reaching out, you have made the first step.

I believe there will only be one set of footprints in the sand for this particular phase of your life's journey.
You are in His arms, and he will not let you fall if you are willing to help yourself.

Godspeed, honey. We are here for you!

I just want to say thanks so much to all who has replied and all who will reply in the future. I'm still here and hanging on but some days by a thread. What makes all of this so much worse is that after 27 years my loving husband just up and left me and so on top of feeling dried up, barren , and old....i've been deemed useless and traded in for a newer, younger model at the worst time of my life that this could ever happen. Talk about feeling worthless. We never had any children and now here I am at the end of life (2monthes from being 47), and in peri and drying up , withering away, and all hope is virutally gone. I'm terrified of doctors. The last time i went nothing was found wrong with me but will have to go for check up again in 2 monthes. I hate doctors and will almost die before going. I'm really backed into a corner.....have disablilites from a wreck, in financial trouble badly....no insurance so can't afford to keep going to doctors and being sent around for test after test. My back's up against a wall and I desperately need some miracles here...now all these peri symptoms on top of everything else....something new everyday plus alot of the same ones such as the itching.Period was 2 weeks late this month (with spotting at ovulation time) and about lost my mind completely over all of that...have never had this happen before in my life!!! This is the scariest, gloomiest time of my life and i feel like i'm losing my mind. NIce to know that some others are having some similar symptoms although I would sure never wish any of this on anyone. Found out i was in peri right after husband left.....shock after shock after shock. I just wonder if i can ever be happy again or if i can ever even get a grip and get back on my feet again. I'm really trying to help myself...but somedays are just unbearable. My heart hurts so bad and my head is reeling from all the shock and all the symptoms are just too much. Well, thanks for listening and replying. Maybe it will make me feel better just to be able to express my feelings here as i have to hide my feelings here in the reality of my life. Blessings to all my new friends here. I'm thankful for all of you. I sure hope this is an easier transition for all of you.

GHM, I am so sorry to hear about your husband leaving and about your difficult time with peri. There are many of us here who are experiencing difficulties too, so please know that you are not alone!

Many men have a mid-life crisis, and I've heard that it's not unusual for a man to go out and find a younger woman. It has nothing to do with you, GHM. It has to do with him and his ego needs and his difficulties in accepting his own aging process. If he wants to be irresponsible and unfaithful, that's his bed to make and he'll have to lie in it.

As far as doctors go, as long as they have tested you for things that are similar to peri, like low thyroid function, then it's probably safe to assume that you are in peri and you don't need to keep getting test after test. Even if they did test your hormone levels, they are usually not accurate since our hormone levels fluxuate so much during peri.

And lastly, I just heard on the news the other day that the average life expectancy for women is 79. So you are nowhere near the end of your life at 46! When all this peri business is over, the worst of the symptoms will disappear and you will feel renewed energy and "zest" for life. Hang in there, we are all here for you.

hoping for good things for you... you are certainly not an old woman yet, and nowhere near to the end.. good things are still in store for you! life isn't over till it is..

GHM: Ditto for me; goodness, I can't imagine going through peri and then having your life partner leave you. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise...the begininng of a whole new you. Remember, when one door closes, another one opens. You'll get through this..post here every day and let us know how you are doing. Hang in there...you are valuable, and precious, and you'll make it through!!!!!

Peace and Hugs,
Robin

Hi, I am sorry about your suicidal thoughts and vaginal itching. From what I have read, higher estrogen levels than progesterone levels can cause the suicidal thinking... Higher estrogen levels also cause yeast bacteria to form...or yeast overgrowth (outbreaks of rashes on the skin), progesterone cream helps me to combat this. I notice that when I don't use the progesterone cream my yeast outbreaks are worse, and so is my suicidal thoughts!

I know that some of us on the boards are don't particularly want to use the cream, but I am telling you that it has been instrumental in the fact that I am still here on this earth! Please message and I will be happy to discuss this further with you, in terms of the specifics of my experience...

Try taking oatmeal baths. It will help sooth you "down there". You can find outmeal bath packets at your local drug store. Buy the store brand over the more expensive Aveno is you can, works just as well and is alot cheaper.

Also washing with a massengil type intemate wash can help, again the store brand is okay to use. I buy the Target one and that works great.

Try to wash your underware in Woolite or sensative skin detergent.

Good luck and God bless.

Hi:

I just read your posts and it took me back to where I was in 2001 with the most unbearable vaginal symptoms. I thought I would lose my mind!!! I still don't know whether it was yeast or low estrogen or a combination of both - all I know is that after 6 months of total hell and being sensitive to everything I tried that in 2002 I was given Vagifem ( a local estrogen treatment in a pill in a nifty dispenser). It relieved the dryness without causing other problems and then I was able to tolerate the antifungals like Monistat when I needed them. I went along with this treatment for a long time and then a doctor of Chinese medicine told me to take Royal Jelly capsules to balance hormones and that seemed to relieve the vaginal stuff to the point where I hardly ever had to use the Vagifem.

This is a process - I had about 20 other symptoms of menopause as well as this one. (I never had a hormone problem in my life until the age of 52!!!)

In September of 2005 I decided to give progesterone cream another try and for whatever reason - THAT IS WHAT HAS ELIMINATED THE VAGINAL DISCOMFORT. I just realized the other day that I don't even think about that any more. It acts as a diuretic as well and relieves the problems with urinary retention.

Hope this helps

Godhelpme. It isn't surprising you're feeling so bad, but first you need to tackle the things you can do something about. It sounds as if the itching is thrush, a very common problem for women of all ages especially when hormones are changing. I've had it several times in the past and was given either nystatin pessaries and cream or if that didn't work ecostatin. You can clear it up in a few days, and over here you can buy some treatments from the chemists. Also drinking cranberry juice keeps it at bay once you've got rid of it, but often it isn't needed. Please seek some help, and believe that you can make a good future for yourself. Many of us have had similar experiences with relationships breaking down and have bounced back. I don't have your religious faith, and I found getting angry and determined not to be beaten helped a lot. Use your faith to motivate yourself and you'll be surprised at how strong you are. We're all with you here.

GHM- I empathise with you so much. I spent virtually the whole of last year sleeping in a separate room from my husband.I decided i hated him although he hadnt really done anything that bad, and I just lay awake night after night thinking suicidal thoughts and praying to die. I used to think of different ways to end it all and it was only the thought of how it would devastate my family if i did it that stopped me.
The irony was that I got over the menopause at the end of last year and was feeling great-and then I was diagnosed with endo cancer and all I wanted to do was get it sorted out(which i did- I am cured) and get on with my life.
I am now feeling so positive and happy without messed up hormones and I know if you can ride out the storm I promise you will be fine!
I am facing vaginal drying and itching and am unable to have any hormone treatment because of my cancer. It is horrible but when you are feeling better mentally I promise it will not seem so bad.

I used to have horror vaginal itching, it was all most always a yeast infection...that's is when you used to have to go to the doctor to get something before you could buy it over the counter. Once I gave up sugar I no longer had them! I think it's pretty common having suicidal thoughts doing peri, I don't worry about them anymore after reading Susan Weed book and how she explain it... Hang in there I know this is worse I have ever felt in my life! Just when I think maybe the worse is past I'll hit with some new symptom!
I feel so beat up!