Do you find that your symptoms are similar or different than what your Mom went through?

How much, if any, does heredity play a part in what the daughters will experience?

I hope I'm posting this question in the right place.

Brace yourself, Perimom

A lot of us have mothers who swear they BREEZED through menopause...

And our memories of them throwing things, waving their hands in the air to cool down their red sweaty faces, or bursting into tears every moment make us beg to differ!!!

Anyway, in my case, my mother had no symptoms of menopause whatsoever.... HAHAHA!


JJ

My Mom is the same way. She said she didn't have any symptoms at all. Of course my memory of that time is a tad bit different.

Well, when I asked my mother about her peri/meno, she was COMPLETELY unhelpful. I am 33 and going through this prematurely. When all of these bizarre symptoms manifested themselves upon me about 18 months ago, and I finally put it together (after many dr's visits, mind you) that this could be the cause, I came to her for help. She stated that she might have "had a hot flash or two," but that she was in meno by her early forties with little incident. She had none of the other 110 symptoms that I have.

To add insult to injury, I am a very conscientous, clean-living, non-smoking, exercising (when I feel up to it) "Dudley Do-Right" kind of person, while my mother has always thrown caution to the wind in every aspect of her life! Poor lifestyle choices, smoking, drinking, etc . . . it hardly seems fair!

But I'm not bitter . . .

I have asked every older woman in my life what their change was like. Only one admitted to having bad symptoms (panic attacks)...the rest can't remember a thing. Now either they never associated some of these symptoms with peri (very possible, think about it....most of us did not realize what was going on before finding PS and others going through the same thing....doctors were no help) OR they really did have mild unmemorable symptoms. I have read that only 20% of women have severe symptoms, 20% have no symptoms, and the other 60 % mild to moderate symptoms. I think most of us are in that top 20% with the more severe symptoms, which is what got us to PS in the first place. I don't think what you go through has anything to do with what your mother experienced, except maybe timing. One thing is for sure, I will never "forget" this experience should a younger woman ask one day.......

My Mom says it's no big deal....."just grin and bear it." She still has tingling and such...but she can't understand why I am in such a tizzy. I agree that my peri is probably more severe than hers was. She never had the twitching muscles and burning mouth thing.

Like all of you I remember a time when my Mom went through what she called a "nervous breakdown"....now I'm wondering based upon her age at the time if it really wasn't perimenopause.


The only thing we have in common is doing it a bit before 50. Mom was completely done with menopause before 50 and my peri went into overdrive at 46.

I keep believing there is a light at the end of the tunnel....just hope it's not an oncoming train

TeeJay

Well, when I told my Mom I was in peri she cried. She had a hard time with it ... bad migraines and this is the period where they thought she had lupus from all the muscle aches, etc. I think then they didn't think their symptoms were peri related.

I was gone for most of those years in college but I do remember her mood swings
(very angry, crying, etc.) when I was home. She was completely finished my 50 and I am 48.

I just found out last summer that she always experienced palpitations and it started with peri. I don't know, it just seems that I don't get as much sympathy from her as I expect. I really I don't want to frighten her by asking to many questions, I mentioned the head pressure and she drills me about whether or not I have high blood pressure. I love my mother but sometimes she makes me crazy !!

Me, again. I will never, ever forget this experience and you better believe I'll share it with my daughter. I truly pray she has it easier than me.

Plumeria

I think all the previous generation of mothers will give you the answer. "we just got on with it in our day"-they say they never remember PMS or the menopause.
My mother has always been very dismissive about my hormonal problems . She seems to think they are caused by suggestion in the media etc.
Mind you in her day, when she gave birth to me, she said that of course my father would not be allowed to be present at childbirth even if he wanted to.(he would have run a mile)
She was happy to put makeup on and brush her hair, holding me sweetly in her arms before my dad was allowed to see her, as though I had been delivered by a stork!
I'm glad my husband was there to witness my pain and anguish when my kids were born!
i think we just have to accept that it was a different world then. People had been through the war with the fear of bombings etc so maybe a bit of hormone trouble was nothing by comparison.
I wonder in reality how many women went mad, though!
I shall certainly have great compassion when my girls go through it !

Hi all:

My Mom was totally different from me (at this point) She had massive flooding with her periods and I am just getting lighter and lighter all the time. I have horrible migraines (almost gone now with progest cream ) But she never had one single migraine. Other than that, my Mom didn't say much when I asked her. She mostly talked about her heavy periods. I tell her all my symptoms and she doesn't think they are peri related since she didn't have them. Oh well, maybe we are meant to forget to go on.

Mopsy

Years down the road, I will have to be careful not to go the other way, and scare the heck out of younger women who ask about peri.

I envision someone bringing it up, and my launching right into: "IT WAS HELL, I TELL YOU! HELLLLLLLLLLL!!!"

Girls,

Joliejacq cracked me up I agree...I don't intend to beat around the bush with anyone who asks me about my experience and my daughter will be totally educated. I can definitely relate to those women who went "mad". I truly feel as if I've come very close during this last year.

Teejay

Fortunately my Mom who is 72 does remember going thru menopause. I also have letters from her written to me when I was in college documenting her hot flashes and depression. Although on some levels we are not really close, she has been a great source for info and the possibilty of what to expect. I do have one large fibroid for which i had a UAE procedure. She did not have that problem so OI have been her informant on the plague of fibroids.

Teejay,

I am with you, about feeling like I am going "mad". I can't believe half the stuff I am going through. Everything is so confusing, do I go on hormones, do I take antidepressants, sleeping pills, antianxiety drugs, natural supplements ... is it me hearing those things cause of my tinnitus or do others hear it too.

God help us all!

Plumeria

Well my mother was busy chasing and babysitting her first five grandchildren by her oldest three daughters. I was fifth daughter down (there are six girls and one boy in my family), so I was always the little girl who viewed my crazy house...........and made personal vows to myself that I would avoid all of their mistakes! And I have to say I have managed to avoid most of them. I have been married for 25 years and have two daughters 23 and 24 years old. Anyway, my mom was busy sleeping upstairs with her grandchildren.......not sleeping with my father. My mom had dizzy blind spells (silent migrains). My mom would get panic attacks in the stores.....my dad always grocery shopped...so that saved her. My mom even decided to go with her oldest daughter to meetings dealing with women who could not leave their house (agoraphobia). My mom always had a beer and some cheese in her purse when she left the house in case she had a panic attack she could drink the beer and eat her cheese (my mom was driven by each of her daughters....so she was not driving). Yet.......if you speak to her today........she can remember all of the stories listed above....but she never connected the DOTS! BUT......my dad always went around the house saying she is going through the CHANGE......LOL!

Mothers are so funny...........and my mom can be so unsensitive to her six daughters......because now it all about her.....she is 76 years old this May 2006......and life is short (Dad passed 2001).

Loved this post, Rumoret!

I'm gonna try the cheese and beer thing!


JJ