Hi there,

I am new member of the club... I've always thought that I was going to be ready for this change... for the last few years, I have read EVERYTHING about menopause. What to expect, treatments, etc. And according to a lot of magazines, it didn't seem that menopause was such a big deal. According to them, women were looking forward to it and live it and embrace it... YEAH RIGHT!!! well, I am just starting and I already hate it. The hot flashes, the sadness, the idea that I am not going to have my period scares me. I hate it! I hate all these feelings and I am stressed about it. So, who is right? Am I crazy for feeling this anxiety? I guess the books are just theory and now the reality is getting at me.

What do you think?

Hi Michelle...
I'd say your feelings are very normal. We can read til we're blue in the face, but what we read is about someone else!! Every woman's experience in meno is going to be different. I'd also say you're a pretty smart gal to do your homework!! Just think where you'd be if you went into this with no information.
I can't exactly say that I'm enjoying it either, but since I don't have a say on what the symptoms are going to be, I'm just gonna hang on tight and hope this ride doesn't last forever! ha!
Merry Christmas..June

Wow thank you! Let me tell you what I don't like. What I don't like is that the media from Oprah and her magazine telling us how we should be (I love her but sometimes she makes me feel quite inadequate). I just feel all those women are unreal. Frankly, when someone says "I love the stage I am at because I know who I am", "I don't have to worry about pregnancy", "I can enjoy sex..." (WHAT???) there is nothing to enjoy there... my vagina is so dry and believe it or not I miss my periods... I feel like there is a lot of hypocrisy on this matter. THANK GOD for this website... I have been reading a lot of posts for the last hour and I am amazed how many of us feel sad, depressed, sometimes angry. It's funny because my husband and my (sometimes) kids (when they are around) kind of know what is going on and I think they try to help and be supportive but I just don't want anything... So look at me, I did all the homework. I can tell you all the theory, recommend books, etc... but going TRHOUGH it is hedious.

Hi again Michelle...
I had a hyster at 38 (now 46) so I haven't had a period in a long time! I was having meno symptoms before that tho..the hyster just speeded things along even tho I still have my ovaries. ( they have seem to gone on a permanent vacation.)
Yup, I had the sadness too..weepies spells. I still get them if I forget to change my estrogen patch regularly. I know alot of gals chose to stay away from estrogen but it's been a good thing for me. Estrogen has done more for me than any other 'cure'...except maybe my compounded progesterone cream..that's good stuff too. Have you tried any of these things? I also was using Premarin vaginal cream...that helps ALOT for that dryness. I have recently switched to a compounded estriol vaginal cream..and I'm thinking I like that even more.
I have another thing I like to do for um..down there. You gals are gonna laugh. I have found that using an aloe vera gel does wonders. I apply it with my applicator from the Premarin cream. I have also found that, when used externally (down there) I have NO itching, sorenesss, irritation etc. With the aloe vera gel, I only need to use the prescription cream once a week....instead of every other day!! (just be sure your aloe very gel is pure and doesn't have any other stuff it in)
And yes, those poor relatives of ours. What should they be doing? Just try to picture this...if the tables were turned, and men went threw this, and you had to sit and watch and try to figure this out, what would you be doing to try and help your husband? I'm sure your family is trying thier best...but they have no idea what to do. I too don't want anything from my family..except space. The less of thier messes I have to clean up, the less meals i have to make..etc.. the happier I am. Dealing with myself takes about all the energy I have.
June

I get mad when they advertise Meno on TV and all they say are the Night Sweats and or Hot flashes. Sure they are no fun but I would rather have them than any anxiety that is thrown at me all of a sudden. Why don't they say stuff about anxiety, vaginal dryness, sore boobs, ,memory lapses, MIGRAINES, weight gain, hair loss, whooshing in ones ear, PALPS, achey joints etc., etc. It is always Hot flashes or Night sweats. By the way, I had none of these symtoms 5 years ago. Ugh.

Mopsy

I'm going to have to agree, meno is NOTHING I thought it to be. It is the ultimate battle. Falling apart, crushing fatigue, depression, hot flashes, anxiety etc....

I honestly didn't know what hit me a couple of years ago, it wasn't until I accidently came to this site that I began to understand that I was entering the "Change Zone".

Reading books does help, but the reality is hard!!! Its like your going along in your life minding your own businessness, and all of a sudden, your body and mind falls apart, whats up with that???

I'm taking it day by day. I started some hormone treatments about 3 weeks ago, I actually "caved" and decided to try something, as I was miserable, and it has helped some, not perfect, but better than it was.

Jules

Michelle: Welcome, welcome. I am right there with you, dear. I HATE menopause. Or peri-menopause, or pre-, or whatever it is I'm in. It seems so unfair...we have to go through pregnancies, child birth, the bulk of child rearing, caring for our parents, and now this!

And I also completely agree with your assessment of the media's treatment of this condition (for lack of a better word.) All you ever hear about is hot flashes. Hah! Hot flashes are a drop in the bucket compared to all the other scary symptoms, not to mention the emotional hell we're throw into. Personally, I admire Oprah for her achievements, but beyond that, I can't stand the woman. Her magazine is a joke. It's for women that have lots and lots of free time to light 150 little white candles all over their bathroom, while they sprinkle wisteria leaves, or whatever, over their bathwater. I'd like Oprah to take a week off from her posh, wealthy, manicured, pampered life and spend it in one of our pair of shoes. If I can even find my shoes. (My brain fog lately is so bad I'm losing things constantly. ) Then she can write a magazine telling me how I should feel.

If it weren't for Power Surge, I am positive that I would think I was having some kind of nervous breakdown, or dying a of dread disease. I'd be checked into a hospital and spending all my time trying to figure out what was wrong with me. No one has EVER prepared me for this. I have a cousin who is 40 and hasn't had any peri symptoms yet and believe me, when she does, I'm going to make sure she is armed with more information that I had.

One more thing, Michelle: I too, miss having regular periods. I was very regular in my cycle, and at least I knew what too expect and when. Almost like a reassurance monthly that everything was where it should be and occuring when it should happen. Now? Forget it; trying to figure out my cycles is like navigating through a maze.

You aren't crazy. You're in peri-menopause, and you have a lot of company. And the books that tell you what 'wonderful time in your life' this is are full of CRAP.

Write back and let us know how you're doing...

Peace and Sanity,
RR

I agree RoundRobin;

The only time I am certain that I am going to have a period is when my abdomen becomes Rock Hard, I experience horrid back pain around my Kidneys and am so constipated that I couldn't make change on a loaf of bread. Then suddenly it all changes, A massive bout of Diarhea, (bad Word) , and then the flood gates open. Thankfully this expulsion of bodily fluids and other matter seems to break up the dam, and with this release the other symptoms seem to "lessen". At this point I am simply stuck with the "Messen".
By the way, I can speak so eloquently about the experience because the last 2 - 3 days have been exactly that, and the flood gates opened this morning and I feel like I have returned to the land of the living.

Linderful

Michelle and RoundRobin. I've always felt guilty for critisizing Oprah because of all the positive things she has done in the past - but, having said that - I'm really going off her lately!! It's true her magazine is all about women who seem to have the TIME to totally pamper themselves. She's always talking about your bedroom should be your sanctuary and be luxurious - the candle bit in the bathroom gets me too!!! I think she has changed consderably - before she did good and charitable things for the sake of doing them, that's admirable - now she seems to want or need the acclaim for it and the praise. She had become a bit regal and thinks has all the answers. Just my opinion............
Meno is NOT easy. I HATE the peri and all the things that go with it!!!!!! Rita

Hi there,

I am actually relieved to hear that I am not the only one annoyed by the media and all the nonsense they say about Menopause. Menopause is more than hot flashes and mood swings... it's like what Dearest says... a big, big wave that just impact all your world, physically and emotionally. I frankly am tired of feeling the pressure from all this media, including Oprah (who I do admire and respect) but I just want her to stop saying that if you don't embrace your life and the stage you are, you are WRONG. And you know what, I just can't embrace this thing... I can't... I refuse. Every time I have an anxiety attack or I just cry out of nothing, I truly don't know how I can possibly embrace this stage in my life. Look, I have always been very positive, I swear. I used to look at myself in the mirror and say how beautiful I was. I used to have the policy of never say anything negative to myself - especially in front of a mirror - always good to me... but today, if I can say something positive is "good I am alive"... this is so sad. I wish Power-Surge was everywhere... not only on the internet. The magazine, the show... a place where menopausal (peri and post) can be just the way we are.

Michelle,

I feel exactly as you do. This has been a tough week and is still pretty hard. I have my period still but a week before and a week after is hellish for me. I am a nervous wreck and I have been crying a lot. I think the hardest thing for me is when our estrogen is really low, it gives us a glimpse of how life will be like as we get older. My God, I am only 48 still in peri and it freightens me to think that my symptoms could get even worse.

For those of you in post, was peri harder? My Mom, MIL and several older women friends say peri is definitely harder, God I hope so.

Plumeria

hi girls.. well i am post and i dont feel that it has gotten a whole lot better , just that i have gotten used to feeling like heck., and that it has become the norm for me. And... i thought menopause was just going to be hot flashes .

Don't even go there... I know we all think menopause are only hot flashes... but surprise surprise... its a whole issue... it impacts all aspects of our lives, emotionally, physically, sexually, EVERYTHING. So, thinking about the future, what should we prepare our daughters about this? certainly my reality hasn't meet my expectations so how should we make the whole thing easier for the generations to come?

Well, I am going to join the I HATE MENOPAUSE club.
I have been locked out of my life for all of the last year, with the las t 2 months being complete hell. I've lost myself.

I am taking steps to survive this, but no, this is not something I can embrace.
I can't embrace, my arms and legs shaking all the time. My stomach in knots, thinking fearful thoughts all the time. Depression so bad that I can't read a book. It's like someone took an invisible black bag and tied it over my head so I can't see life clearly.


I'm going to be one of those ladies who can't walk through this gracefully with natural cures. I'm trying all of them, but now it's time for serious drugs, because I can get no relief.

Karla

I am pretty new here and have been reading a lot of different posts. What you ladies are saying about peri, menopause, and post is scaring the cr*p out of me. I am 46 and have been experiencing symptoms - night sweats, depression, moodiness, absent-mindedness. With the expection of the depression, my symptoms have been pretty mild. I have the depression under control at the moment.
From what I have read, it looks like I am in for much worse.
I don't want to give it to it, but when your hormones are screaming, how can you not? How do you NOT give into it? How can you fight it "gracefully"?

Angizu,

Don't worry, not everyone gets it really bad. Statistically 20% have mild symptoms, 60% have moderate and 20% are severe. I see a lot of women here who can fit into the moderate or severe. Perhaps if you have mild symptoms you don't need power-surge? I don't know.

I think you can prepare ahead of time and I wish I had been knowledgable enough to know that. Yoga, other exercise, mediation, healthy eating with lots of veggies and less carbs all make a big difference. As does stress management - the hardest part for me in this 'sandwich' time of life.

If your doing ok so far, congratulate yourself. Then get as educated as you can using this site and the book recommendations listed here.

Take care!

I agree with Rendy, Angizu,

You may have already "peaked" with the worst of the symptoms. Some women are all done with peri by the time they are 50 (lucky them!). Some women are still having regular periods at 56! (horrors!)

Try not to concern yourself with what "might" come, as it might not come!

Praying for this for you,

JJ

angizu: I agree with the others here...your symptoms may not get any worse than they are now...but on the off-chance that they do, you will at least know what is going on.

You know, when I look back on my life, it's easy to romanticize the earlier days--but in reality, when my daughter was a baby and I was a young nervous mother, I had a whole different set of problems to deal with. I was freaked out all the time, unsure of myself, scared to death of not doing the right thing for my little girl.

My body is different now, and definitly giving me problems...but emotionally, I've never been wiser or stronger. I feel less apologetic about myself, and I can stand up for what I think is right without wondering if I'm making a fool of myself. I feel.....LEGITIMATE, for lack of a better word. It's not easy to be a woman, and I think that anyone who makes it to 40 reasonably intact deserves a big pat on the back.

Each stage of life has it's own problems, concerns, difficulties. This is just another phase. I wish, at age 26, that I had had the support of fellow women like I do now. There was no internet then...all I had were the few girlfriends who had new babies like me--and we were basically the blind leading the blind!

So hang in there, and let us know how you are doing...congratulations for getting the depression under control. Sounds like you are going to be just fine!!

Robin

Well I hated having heavy periods, which came when they liked and always turned up when I was on holiday!

However I find peri-meno or whatever, really debilitating. My last period was in June (but I've gone 11 months before) and I hoped that the worst of my anxiety and symptoms was over BUT for the last couple of weeks my boobs are tender, I've had bad hot flushes, especially burning in my neck and shoulders and today I've had another migraine (I never had one til about 2yrs ago). I am also getting the nauseas feeling before a hot flush.

I went to a dance on Saturday and was fine until I felt sick, hot and felt I couldn't breathe, so I had to come home at around 10.30 and haven't felt up to par since! I then had some bad flushes and palps when I got home.

I wrote awhile ago about Celebs and mano and only one or two out of the dozen or so in my paper found it tough. They all went on HRT. Dr Quinn apparently has HRT patches and herbs. The only thing mentioned in our paper about the downside of memo is that meno women don't absorb information so easily.

Yes, I hate it big time!

OOps, meant meno not mano...can't see cos of these dark glasses!

Thank you all for your input.

I have started back with my exercise routine and am feeling much better. My doc put me back on birth control pills and that seemed to do the trick.
When I was depressed, it was extremely difficult to do things. It's a vicious cycle. You feel like cr*p and don't want to do anything, but you know that if you just get up and exercise, etc. you will feel better, but you can't bring yourself to get moving.

Robin- I agree with you. If I only knew then what I know now!

Oh, no, Alice, sore boobs?

You know what that means. Stock up on the sanitaries....

My sympathies,

JJ

I'm not really depressed - just don't have the energy I used to.

Hi all,

I'm new to posting, although I've been reading for sometime. Know what I hate most about this whole thing? It seems no matter how much I know or prepare, a new symptom catches me completely off-guard!

You'd think by now I'd be able to say, "oh, another symptom." But no...I have a meltdown before I figure out what's going on. This morning I was having a "weepie fit" because "my life is over...I have nothing to look forward to!" Now how pathetic is that at 46? I know (in my head) that I have many good years ahead of me and I will enjoy my life. And yet, the "weepies" got me!

I seriously hate this!

Lori

Lori, I know what you mean. I have learned to expect the unexpected.

RedFox

Hi Ladies,

I hate all the physical and emotional turmoil that menopause is causing, but each day I thank God for getting me through another day. Those who know me really well have asked, "Are you okay, you don't seem your cheery self?" I try to keep up a good front but I have wept infront of numerous friends and at times no matter where I am I would be overcome with great sadness. I have run countless times to the ladies room at work so I can compose myself.

My older brother was in town for a conference and we spoke on Sunday and then again on Tuesday, he asked if was okay because he sense something in my voice that doesn't right (he and I are very close)... well you guessed it, I started crying on the phone. He reminded me that our Mom went through a hard menopause and she survived and is thriving still at 72. He also reminded me about all the people our age who have died and are not around for their children. I have had quite a few high school friends who have died. My daughter and I finally saw my brother yesterday... it was so good to is him.

I think we all have to remind ourselves about all that is good in our lives and try and focus on the positive and THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER! Let's not lose HOPE.

Thanks you Dearest and all you ladies for being here for me. If this website ever goes down, I don't know if I could survive the anxiety.

Plumeria

LOL Redfox !! I AM the unexpected

Julie x

Oh man, you guys just totally said it for me lately. I can't go a day without crying!
I'm so thankful you are all here.

I a newbie here as well.....and today felt like I was in a deep dark cave. I went to a Naturopath yesterday and walked out emptyhanded and more confused than ever. I feel outside myself, miserable, with severe headaches, hot/cold flashes, anxiety and depression.......I just want someone to hand me something and tell me it will make it go away. Is there something? Im in such a state that I am incapable of making a decision, yet here I am, needing to make a decision on my health care. and I cant....everytime I get close to thinking Im going to take NHRT, then something talks me out of it.....Im actually hearing voices in my head. I have another appt with a GYN....but not for 5 weeks....how will I survive until then? Ihavent had thoughts of suicide, but im not far from it. I have never felt so in pain, so disconnected from my family and friends, so alone than I do right now.

How does anyone come to a decision? Can someone tell me how to come to one?

"Physical and emotional turmoil"....that sums it up exactly!

I'm with all of you. I hate all of this crap!

WaterGoddess, I wish I knew what to tell you to make it easier to make a decision. I read things on here that have worked for others and try them.Sometimes they help. Sometimes not. Not sure I want to trust doctors anymore.All they want to do is push big pharm and I'm still not ready for that,though as time goes on and the anxiety gets worse, it may come to that.

WaterGoddess,

I have been where you are - it's soooooo tough!!!

Hon, if you are having any feelings at all like you're "not far from suicide," as you put it, please go immediately to your doctor and get some help!!!

My depression and anxiety were so severe at one point, I couldn't lift myself out of the bed. This was two years ago, and it was the ABSOLUTE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE. I want you to know that although there have been ups and downs since then, I have gotten a LOT better.

Please take good care, and do whatever it takes to keep yourself going through this difficult transition. One day, things will ease for us. For now, I say "whatever it takes."

Anti-depressants helped me. They aren't for everyone, but there are many things you can try, from supplements, to lifestyle changes, to medications including hormone replacement therapies.

Please don't lose hope! Meanwhile, we're here to offer support.

JJ

WaterGoddess,

I agree with JJ, first you have to address your depression and reach out to your family and friends for support. You sound just like me in December, I am so scared to go back to those dark thoughts that I have decided to try the antidepressant prescribed to me and at the same time start bioidentical hormones.

I am also seeing a psychologist to talk about all the changes and feelings that I am going through... it helps to have someone to talk to and the psychologist I am seeing is post-meno and is on hormones.

You have to find your inner strength and think about those who love or those whom you love and how much living you still have to do.

I know it is hard but please take it a day at a time and know that we are here for you. Please don't despair, you are not alone.

Plumeria

Watergoddess: Don't you hate having to wait for those doctor's appointments? If I were you, I'd call my doc, any of them, and tell the nurse you have to see him/her sooner than that. When they press for details, just say it's urgent, and very private. Maybe you can get on some anti-depressants until your big appointment.

All I can offer to you is just to keep it simple. Do what is in front of you, and don't think too much. Try to keep busy...make a cake, rearrange dresser drawers, start a project (gardening, sewing, carpentry) on something that you like. Try to stay focused on something besides yourself....I remember at one point I was so depressed that I drove to the nursing home where my grandmother died, went into the lobby and started playing the piano (I asked the front desk if it was okay...they were thrilled.) I just played a bunch of old songs I learned when I was younger; dumb stuff like the theme to Dr. Zhivago and Dixie. The old folks just loved it; they clapped and laughed. I could only stay for about an hour, but during that hour, I didn't feel depressed and full of despair. It taught me something; when I'm focused on someone else, I don't feel as much inner pain.

I know this all sounds easy, and it's not. Sometimes it gets so bad, you literally don't know how to keep going. At that point, I break up my day into little pieces. I say to myself, okay, I'll just get through the next hour. Then when that is up, you get through the next one. I learned this from a guy I once dated who was a recovering alcoholic. In AA they call it the 24-hour plan...you just deal with one hour at a time.

Hang in there, sister, 'cause you are not alone. We've all been there, and some of still are (Robin here!)...I have really bad days, then I have days that are actually okay. Today in New England we're getting slammed with this big snowstorm, so I've plunged into baking. Discovered my new hubbie has never had pineapple upside-down cake (can you believe it?)...so I'm making one. Next I think I"m going to try making brioche (a sweet rich bread make with yeast.) Everything is fattening, but for the moment, when I'm measuring stuff, and stirring things, I'm not thinking about how scared, angry and depressed I am.

Hope this helps. Keep posting...I'm sending positive thoughts your way!!!

Hugs and Strength,
Robin

It's a relief to hear so many speak candidly about their experiences. I've
been experiencing intense panic attacks, depression, irregular periods and
night sweats off an on for two years(age 50). I always ignored the
gossip about menopause and thought it was for other people - now I know
why the library book shelves are overstocked with menopause books.

I've tried herbal HRT, vitamins, antidepressants and also have taken
a mindfulness for health course. While these help it's been hard for
me the last few months to break out of a chronic state of depression made
worse by intense anxiety and fear.

I'm glad I'm not alone and feel a little better writing this.

Jlynes,

Welcome to Power-Surge!

Like you, I expected to have a nice breezy menopause - YIKES! What a surprise to be hit with severe depression and so many other rough symptoms!

It sounds like you are on an excellent regimen of medication and lifestyle changes. One has to be patient with recovery from depression. I took a full 18 months to really get over a severe bout that came in April 2004. Had a few great months off the antidepressants, but then took another "dip" in December, tho' nowhere near as intense as the first bout. And I've gotten back on my feet quickly.

Hang in there, Bud - you are definitely not alone! And it does get better.

JJ