Full Version: Sexual Libido
Is your sex drive affected by perimenopause? If your libido has diminished, do you worry that it may never return? Will you ever have a normal sex life again? Do you care? How has it impacted your relationship with your husband or partner?
My only menopause complaint is loss of libido. I tried numerous hormone replacements; however, I couldn't deal with the weight gain and bloating. I finally gave them up entirely. The patch itched something awful. Once my husband was watching me from across the room in a Las Vegas casino, and he said I was scratching like I had fleas. I scratched so much that I wasn't even aware of what I was doing.
Before I had a partial hysterectomy in 1991 at the age of 44, I noticed that I had very little sex drive. Now, 11 years later, I still have no sex drive. I could live without sex, but my poor husband isn't ready to call it quits.
After hearing on the radio about a Chinese herb called Horny Goat Weed, I decided to give it a try. I ordered some a few days ago through the internet. Once I receive and try it for a few days or so, I'll report back and let you know if it does anything. What have I got to lose? I was too embarrassed to ask for Horny Goat Weed in the store, so I decided to order it on the web. Glad I did, because I got two bottles almost for the price of one. Do wish it went by another name though. (ha!)
I have been taking Paxil for about 4-1/2 years. I was diagnosed with chemical depression in 1996. I never even related it to menopause at that time. Anyway, it saved my life. Within about 4 days, the depression lifted, and I have felt great ever since. After about six months, I cut the dosage in half (from 20 mg/day to 10 mg/day), and I still feel great. I tried going off of the med a few times, but developed flu symptoms (nausea/dizziness, etc.), so I decided to keep taking it. Don't know how it will affect me in the long run, but I'm more interested in quality of life rather than in longevity. On a final note: My libido was already gone by the time I started taking the Paxil.
Thanks for allowing me to ramble on.
Hope to hear from some of you soon.
My sex drive is totally gone. Left about 3 years ago. At first, it really bothered me. I wanted it back, enjoyed sex, but by now I could care less, unfortunately, my husband does not feel the same way. He has really gotten depressed in the last few months and it is definetely affecting our relationship (and I still don't really care). SIGH, but I am trying to find something that helps, I started HRT about a month ago, helped my sleeping and hot flashes, but has not done a thing for my libido. I would appreciate any suggestions. Thanks ladies!
TheHag (I hate addressing you like this),
Have you tried a hormone with testosterone in it. It helped me sexually somewhat, but I didn't like the bloated feeling and weight gain I experienced on any of the hormones.
You might ask your doctor about it.
Once I see how the Horny Goat Weed works for me, I'll let you know. Unfortunately, I haven't received it yet. Maybe this weekend.
Good luck to you. I know what you are going through. It's like all of sudden things just aren't right. Why can't I feel that old sex drive like I used to? It's a mystery to me.
Shirley H.Thanks for your post and don't feel bad about "TheHag", I feel like an old hag. I haven't tried HRT with testosterone, I just started HRT a month ago and my doctor wanted me to try a progesterone/estrogen combo first. So far, nothing, nada, zip, zilch as far as improving the sex drive. Doc. said he would give me the HRT with testosterone after I try this one for 2-3 months. Wait, wait, wait. Easy for him to say.
Hi .... after a total hysterectomy four years ago I lost my libido little by little until now it's entirely gone. I'm also on Prozac and I realize that plays a small part too. I've been on the lowest dose of Premarin and my new female gyne wants to start me on Estratest HS ... I'm half afraid because I KNOW it will make me gain weight, grow facial hair and make me feel bloated. I could live without sex for the rest of my life....but dh doesn't feel the same way. I think I'm going to give this one more try...and if it doesn't work, I give up. After all.....sex isn't everything..............right??? LOL
Jean
Check this article out. My wife tried ginko biloba (standardized extract) and Siberian Ginseng root with similar results-increased libido. I did not link the herbs with these effects until I read the article below. If you get the two herbs above from a reputable manufacturer I don't think you need to buy ArginMax but I am not sure about this. Any comments?
The article below can be found at the following url:http://www.msnbc.com/news/582624.asp?0nm=C12M
Herbs may boost female sex drive
By Robert BazellNBC NEWS
An herbal combination that includes ginseng and ginkgo may help women energize a lackluster libido, according to a new study.
DR. MARY LAKE POLAN, a highly respected researcher and chair of obstetrics and gynecology at Stanford University, undertook the study of the herbal preparation because so many of her patients complained about lack of sex drive, and she had little to offer them. “The most common thing you hear is ‘I had a wonderful sex life. And now I’m just not interested,’” she said. That included patients like Hendy Lund. “It became a problem in our marriage,” she said. There is no Viagra or similar treatments for women. But Polan heard anecdotal reports about the herbal preparation called ArginMax — a combination of ginseng, ginkgo and other herbs and minerals designed to increase blood flow. It is already available in health-food stores and costs about $30 for a month’s supply. With a colleague, Polan designed a scientific experiment that included Lund and 92 other volunteers. The researchers followed what’s considered the gold standard for proof: Neither the women volunteers nor the scientists knew who was taking the herbal preparation and who was taking a dummy pill.
Lund suspected she was taking the herbs — not the dummy pill — and she was right. “About two weeks into the study, which was about a month long, I noticed an increase in my sex drive,” she said. And she was not alone. In the four-week study, 73 percent of the women said they had an increased frequency of sexual desire and improved satisfaction with their sexual relationship. Only 20 percent of those taking the dummy pill had a positive response. Polan, who was not a fan of herbs before, is now a believer. “What matters is that you help the patient,” Polan said. “And if you can do it with an FDA-approved medication, that’s terrific. If you can do it with nutritional supplements, that’s terrific.” Researchers say they need a bigger study to prove it for sure, but the herbal preparation could help millions of women cope with a very common and distressing problem. Robert Bazell is chief science correspondent for NBC News.
My libido is diminished, but in an unusual way. I feel like I lost my "fun button", for sex or anything else. I still really LOVE sexual intimacy, but getting it going is overwhelming. I am very serious and introverted and private, where I used to be outgoing and enthusiastic. I think my problem is feeling old. I feel dowdy and like I have let my husband down for not being the woman I used to be. He hasn't said this, but the reach-over-in-the-morning move is gone. I have never been a "babe" but always cute in a quirky way, and I'm losing cute real fast.
Being sexually appealing was a big turn-on for me, and losing that is turning me off.
Aw jeesh, Waterfall, ANYONE can be sexy!! I think it's all on how you feel...and how you want to be felt!! I am sure your husband still thinks of you as being as sexy and loving as you were when he first met you....we just all get 'older' and more 'settled' into our relationships as time passes, don't you think? Try a new perfume, or a new slinky nighty some night...maybe you'll get that old 'flame' back before you know it! I had a friend once, tell me that variety is the spice of life, and so I went out and bought the cutest frilly nighty, and some nice perfume, went to bed, and believe it or not...I DID feel sexy!! What works for some might not work for others, but I remember my Gramma & Grampa having sex until they were WELL into their 70's...not sure what they did (don't WANT to know! LOL!) but it was always an inspiration to me to HOLD on to that good feeling and even WORK to hold on to it if I had to!! Good luck! Luv, Kleeo
Excuse me, I must have the wrong forum. My understanding was this was a place to discuss the effect perimenopause is having on my libido.
Not sure I should post here (based on last message) and I understand that this discussion did start as the effect of perimenopause on libido. Is there anywhere for postmenopausal women to post on the same topic?
Meanwhile, I'm sorry but I need to talk to someone! My partner (of 1 year - we do not live together and see each other once or twice a week) has essentially told me to get back to him when I get this straightened out.
As a 53 year old (today!) woman who is through menopause (thank god), I found my libido started diminishing about 8 years ago. That, I think, was the beginning of menopause (perimenopause) for me. I put it off to stress (work; divorce; single-parenting).
I did have a relationship, but also found I wasn't feeling passionate at all. We walked and talked a lot, both of us had low libido. I think menopause was what ended that relationship -- I went through that emotional stuff, my anger was out of line and emotions were a mess.
(During perimenopause, exercise actually helped - relieving stress, I think. I can't take the gingo stuff people talk about for medical reasons.)
After that, I got out of denial (thinking weight gain and wild emotions were not due to menopause, as at 49 I was much too young!) Now that I'm on HRT, I'm having more problems. My desire is totally gone, I mean, totally. Before I was interested in pleasing myself, now I can go months...maybe years.
I have no desire and my well-educated lover (a psychologist) says this can't be hormonal since he knows women who have become more sexual after menopause. I am trying to sort out which is hormonal (I think you can take some kind of hormone level test) and which is psychological (he thinks it all is) and which is the relationship (which is less than emotionally intimate - he's got a big ego, but otherwise is a nice enough guy).
I would really like to just put sex aside and get on with the other parts of life -- I am financially OK, and have the option of just deciding not to be in a relationship. But the idea that that I'm a frigid woman unwilling to solve her sexual dysfunction makes me think I should seek help, medical and/or psychological. Is there a board for post-menopausal women to discuss this kind of topic - sort of sexual libido and emotional/relationship needs? I will be glad to take my postings and go there -
This is the correct place to post about sexual libido and emotional/relationship needs.
It is the place to discuss meno and libido , but as with everything we experience it is with our brain and our physical selves. Menopause can make you look at yourself in a different way, but it is up to us to assess the reality of our changing shape and attitudes and after doing so accepting ourselves as we are. This will lead to an increase in desire on the part of both the woman and her partner. I felt too fat, too grey, too this , too that also. But when I accepted the fact that I am no longer a drop-dead beauty and accepted that my husband still loves me no matter what (and he is aging too 
then my libido started getting better and better till now it is just fine. I think Kleeo is right . You do what works best for you. For me , just changing my attitude did it, for her a slinky night gown (I'd freeze my butt off , heehee), So this thread has to include not just the question of menopause, but the whole being. Can't have one without the other. I know I don't catch any 30 year olds eye but I still catch my hubby';s and that's good enough for me. Hugs, jeanne
then my libido started getting better and better till now it is just fine. I think Kleeo is right . You do what works best for you. For me , just changing my attitude did it, for her a slinky night gown (I'd freeze my butt off , heehee), So this thread has to include not just the question of menopause, but the whole being. Can't have one without the other. I know I don't catch any 30 year olds eye but I still catch my hubby';s and that's good enough for me. Hugs, jeanne
Hello everyone,
About a year and a half ago, Age 47, It seemed like over nite I began to recognize that I was having a hard time achieving orgasm. I also noticed that where I had once thought about sex 2-3 times a day, it rarely crossed my mind. I noticed a decrease in breast and genital sensation. Curiously, I also noticed that where I had once had to shave my legs every day, I noticed that I could go three or four days before hair stubbles were noted. My husband pointed out that I had always had very oily skin, especially on my back and now, my back wasn't oily. I also experienced fatique, lack of motivation. To those close to me, the only way I could explain it was that "I feel like I've lost my passion for life." There were days that I would sit on the couch and do nothing. God bless my husband, he's always been so supportive, would say, "it's alright, maybe you needed the rest. " I discussed my lack of sexual desire and sensation with my husband. I reassured him that it had nothing to do with him and that I felt this probably was the beginning of the perimenopausal phase of my life--but I wasn't sure. Then the palpitations began. I went to a cardiologist who performed an ultrasound. I was told that everything was normal. Not once, did this cardiologist suggest that my papitations could be a fluctuation in hormones. I went home thinking that I was facing the beginning of cardiac problems. I got a computer two months ago, and began researching the web for information concerning menopause. I couldn't believe my eyes. I discovered that I wasn't the only one with these symptoms. I spent hours on the computer researching the subject. My research led me to the office of a Physicans assistant (female). We live in a rural area, so much of the health care depends on these wonderful people. I told her about my symptoms and that I would like to have my hormone levels checked, including total testosterone and free testosterone. She told me that she totally understood and then related a story to me about the first time she wanted to put a patient of hers on Estratest, which is both estrogen and testosterone. She had been working with a physician in neighboring town and when she told him that she wanted to put one of her patients on Estratest because of a low testosterone level, the physician told her that he didn't want to be noted for that. "Noted for what" she replied. The doctor replied, "You know, for the sex pill thing". I'm not saying that all male doctors respond this way, because I run across plenty of them on the web that take testosterone levels into account when prescribing hormone replacement therapy, but this remark from a physician typifies the attitude I have encountered on numerous occasions, when dealing with gynecological problems that I have encountered over the years. I feel that I can safely say that if this same doctor experienced the same symptoms, that many women experience in menopause, he would be on top of a building yelling for help. This coming week, I will have to make a decision on whether or not to take testosterone. From what I have read, there are, of course, side effects to consider. It is my understanding that taking oral testosterone could have bad side effects on the liver, in addition to possible increase in acne, facial hair, weight gain and lowered voice. I have read that testosterone injections and gel patches side-step the liver effects because these methods bypass the liver. My question is, are there any women out there that have used Estratest or testosterone by injection or patch? What has been their experience with replacing testosterone. I have found limited information on the drug therapy protocol. I would appreciate any input. Thank you.
chirogirl!!!
Oh, my Lord -- reading your post felt like you had read my mind.
The 'symptoms' - down to the lack of needing to shave often - fits me to a "t".
Last week I had hormone tests done, I requested testosterone He recommends we "keep an eye on that" and that I take 15 mg a day of something called DHEA, which can be bought over the counter and is "sometimes helpful. " I don't feel like I'm anywhere near normal. I don't think I've been this disinterested in sex since I was 12 or 13. Menopause, for me, has been like doing adolescence in reverse. Regarding reasons why all of a sudden I don't want sex, is this really in my mind? I was raped at 32, and that didn't kill my interest in sex (was able to separate rape from normal sex with little difficulty.) My body's been out of shape for years, and that hasn't stopped me from wanting sex. In fact, I am more comfortable now about the fact that my body is changing/aging than I was two years ago. (In fact, I'm glad I don't have to try to look 30 or 40, I can just look like me.) Until I read your post, I was resigned to having to 'report' to my significant other that he's right, this is all psychological. Of course, some of it may be. In my resignation that this is all in my head, I have tried to think when it got really bad (it started nearly 10 years ago, at 43, but has gotten worse as I went through the 'change' -- period stopped, etc.) The most recent trigger, for me, was when he became overly concerned about my being non-orgasmic. I didn't mind not having orgasms - it was nice to be close and the touching and kissing and all was very very nice -- I found myself having emotional orgasms, if not physical. But he thought I was faking (I wasn't, really -- I don't know if anyone else knows what I mean by having an emotional orgasm, but it is just that feeling of being so close you start to cry). He started checking to see if I was having 'real' orgasms (putting his hand over my vagina to see if there was any movement), and that's when I began to find I wasn't interested in sex with him. Performance anxiety. It doesn't help that he's a psychologist with a booming practice -- he believes he knows more than I do about intimacy and menopausal women and that this essentially is a problem with my mind, not my body (or anything he's done.) However, I don't think his expectations or his ego (he really is a charming man) are why I'm non-orgasmic, although it is why I'm not interested in having sex with him right now (we're in the process of talking about this.) It clouds the reality, though. I don't know what I'd do if I was married and loved my husband. In my case, if I have to pick between hormones with side effects and a life with little sex, for now I'd pick the latter. The side effects sure don't sound good. This is really annoying, I hate being written off because I'm a woman going through (or gone through), the change , but I feel like both my lover and my doctor are doing so.
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Quote: from jeanne on 1:33 pm on June 15, 2001For me , just changing my attitude did it, for her a slinky night gown (I'd freeze my butt off , heehee), So this thread has to include not just the question of menopause, but the whole being. Can't have one without the other
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with this one. I can douse myself with perfume....put on the sexiest nighty I can find.....watch dirty movies till the cows come home.......but.......Nuthin'!!!!!! I do not think of myself as less of a woman but anyone who has truly lost their libido realizes all the bath oils and nighties in the world won't help. The only option I've been given at this point is Estratest H.S. which I refuse to take because of the side effects. I also believe that anyone who's gone through a total hysterectomy may have a more difficult time finding their lost libido (I had one in '97). My testosterone is non-existent. I've used creams, pills, etc. etc. and I think I've given up. Anything prescribed by a doctor has more side effects than I'm willing to put up with.
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Quote: from ThistleGal on 4:16 pm on June 15, 2001[br]chirogirl!!!
However, I don't think his expectations or his ego (he really is a charming man) are why I'm non-orgasmic
Charming? He doesn't believe you're having orgasms so he FEELS FOR THEM?? Sorry...this isn't what I'd call charming. Sounds very insecure to me....like he needs proof he's able to give you an orgasm.
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Quote: from ThistleGal on 8:52 am on June 8, I have no desire and my well-educated lover (a psychologist) says this can't be hormonal since he knows women who have become more sexual after menopause.
Ok, now I KNOW he's not charming. He told you to "get back to him"????? I'd say he's got more than just a huge ego. He's a psychologist...not a doctor!!! And just because he's run across a few women who've become more sexual after menopause doesn't mean that we're all then lumped into the same catagory and that there must be something mentally wrong with us if we have no libido. Honestly, I think there are plenty of men out there and that you'll find yourself a kind, gentle, understanding person.
Amala44...Hi!!I really don't have a problem with libido.....however I have friends who have had hysterectomies and have lost it entirely!! From what I have read.....(concerning hysters and hormones) that testoserone is a major factor with libido?!?! I know that estratest can help some and be a nightmare for others, eg. (side effects)!!
It must be very frustrating for you and other gals in your situation who try their best with what has been lost to find answers for this delicate problem!!I concure that libido can/is due to hormonal shifts in the body.....sometimes due to surgical reasons like yourself!!I wish you all the best!!Take care and Godspeed................
(((Hugs from a Canadian Gal)))Nancy
I know that a lot of women have this problem , but waterfall seemed to be talking about psychological reasons, like feeling dowdy , not cute , and unappealing to her hubby. That's why I said to accept the changes to both herself and to hubby. He isn't necessarily the same either. The hormonal reasons are an altogether different problem. I'm amazed that I have been able to skip that one since I have or had almost every symptom on the list. My lost libido was definitely mental and from a lack of self esteem on my part. It came back when I accepted myself ,and my husband reassured me. In no way do I consider this a cure for a hormonal problem. I was speaking of personal outlook only . I hope this is a problem that all of you are relieved of as soon a s possible, and I hope I didn't sound like a pollyanna about it . I really was just talking about that one specific letter.Hugs, jeanne
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Quote: from Snowbird on 8:17 am on June 16, 2001[br]It must be very frustrating for you and other gals in your situation who try their best with what has been lost to find answers for this delicate problem!!
It's more than frustrating.....and after battling it for 4 years I think I give up. LOL Sex isn't everything......................is it??? LOL
Oh shoot Jeanne, you wouldn't freeze your butt off here in a slinky nighty...it's been well into the upper 80's and low 90's the past few days! WHEW! Glad my flashes have been under control lately! I admire your attitude about 'accepting' the aging process. I had to finally accept the fact that I'm NOT in my 20's anymore, and do the best that I can to make the 40's the best that they can be. It sure has made a difference with me. HUGS to you my friend! Luv, Kleeo
Hi gals:
This is my second post. I am 48 and will be 49 in Oct. For almost two years now, I have faked an orgasim. My desire to even have sex is completely gone. I have a wonderful husband who has read up on this perimenapause thing and he is very understanding. I've talked with my doctor and she said that this too will pass in time. I knew something was wrong when after seeing Harrison Ford in a movie I didn't even get that strange sensation I usually get. I'm just not going to worry about it and not try so hard. I like to do things spontaneously and that seems to help a lot. Just knowing that this too is going to pass makes me feel good. I wish all you gals the very best as you go through this very confusing and exciting time of your lives. I truly feel this website was God sent! Marsun
First time power-boarder. Reading with interest all your comments. Just started into hot flashes and night disturbances. Libido? I may be loosing mine too but it's hard to tell since my husband, even thought he is on testosterone has completely lost his desire. I'll just bet there aren't too many with that problem.
Hi Camden,I bet there are a lot more with that problem than you think. Awfull lot of interest in Viagra , must be a reason for that.Men also are losing there hormones and adjusting to it. But there is help if he will dicuss it with a doctor. If he won't you can discuss it with yours and maybe some kind of solution can be found.i can't get my hubby to a doctor for anything, but if I say there is something to help him and it's not too invasive he usually comes around. His libido isn't what it was either, but hasn't completely left.To a brighter future :)hugs, jeanne
Yes, this is a great website! This is only my second post, but I am also frustrated by "loss of libido". I am 49, and about 4 years ago, my "desire" increased greatly. I thought, "What fun!". Now it's 98% gone. Even though I have had much stress in my life the last few years, I assume it's age/hormones/peri-menopause. :confused:
I strongly recommend taking a look at the transcripts of Dr. Alan Altman, the co-author of "Making Love The Way We Used To ...or Better : Secrets to Satisfying Midlife Sexuality ."
For example, here's a brief exchange about sexuality ...
Dearest: Dr. A., take a woman who's experienced pubic hair loss. How do you suggest she talk about it with her husband, or, even more difficult, a new partner? Dr. Alan Altman: It's my new do... Dearest: Hahaha! Dr. Alan Altman: It's easier to be honest and explain, if it's at all necessary to, that it's normal to have those kinds of changes, but there are a bunch of other changes that are better. Dearest: Share some of the better changes, please. Dr. Alan Altman: Freedom to enjoy your sexuality without fear of pregnancy, periods and interruptions. The ability to make love when and where you want and at the speed that you want. For him, especially if he had premature ejaculation before he'll be able to last much longer now. Quality takes over from quantity.
Read the rest of the transcript of Dr. Altman's 2nd visit to Power Surge -- and when you've finished that, you can read the first one by checking back in the Library
Dr. Altman's discussion is good. If I'd read it before I started taking the DHEA, I would've been quite upset that once again, thinking that a woman's lack of libido was being somewhat minimized. Despite all the good conversation in the discussion, there is more belief in relationship and self-esteem impact on libido than lower testosterone.
Yesterday I realized I was having some sexual thoughts and desires -- how amazing! I have only been taking the DHEA for a week or so, so is this just a placebo response?
I don't know. What I realized, though, is that though the libido seems to be improving, my desire for my partner has not. And I thought back to the last time I'd had this anger at a partner, so intense that it affected my desire. Was long ago, some 30 years, when I was married to a very manipulative man. Sex was some kind of a control issue between us, it was seen as all my fault, and I hated the whole thing. I've thought divorce was kind of a radical response, but never had those problems again until now. So some of this is my stuff about commitment, too -- I hate feeling owned and obligated, it takes any desire out of me. I don't feel like solving this problem through therapy.
My lack of libido evidently is caused by lower testosterone level, my own issues bout commitment, and problems in this relationship.
Going to keep the DHEA, probably ditch the partner.
My husband has lost his libido, but mine is in tact - not that he cares! We haven't had sex for almost 3 years nor is there anything that resembles affection in our marriage, i.e. holding hands, kissing, massaging, snuggling, etc. I informed him at the onset of his self-imposed celibacy that I had no intention of giving up sex - and I haven't. Naturally I am discreet, but I have a very good friend who is in somewhat the same situation with his wife, and we have found a great deal of pleasure with one another. I hope some day that my husband realizes what he is missing before he is too old and can't have sex. It is a difficult situation.
LADIES- Would you like a chuckle? I was just reading Kate's statment and went to her profile. It says "I enjoy piano and sax"...I thought at first glance it said "I enjoy piano and sex" 
Maybe I need new glasses
Maybe I need new glasses
Bonnie,
You are too much!! LOL! You see what you are thinking about it seems......!
Hello everyone, I posted the first time about two weeks ago. Since that time, some interesting things concerning sexual libido have come to my attention. Like many of us at this age, I had been experiencing a decreased sexual drive for about a year, despite a great relationship with my husband. I went to the doctor to have my hormone levels checked. I displayed all the symptoms of low testerone levels and I was throughly convinced that this was my problem. Prior to the blood test, my doctor and I discussed testosterone replacement. I researched on the internet day and night, through hundreds of articles concerning hormones. When I consulted with the doctor about the blood level results I was floored. My testosterone level was normal, my progesterone level was normal but my estrogen level was 1244. The normal estrogen level is somewhere in the 350 range. My first question was "Is this a tumor thing?" My physician Assistant didn't have an answer but felt that it might be the herb and vitamin supplements I had been taking. I take a multiple vitamin, Q10, calcium, Vitamin C, Soy tablets, Dong Quai, Ginseng, and Gingko biloba. (The one good thing is, if it turns out that my estrogen level was a result of my herbal intake, then by god those herbs work) In addition to the decreased sex drive, I had such incredible fatigue---the only way to discribe it was I was so tired I could cry. Of course, I immediately stopped all supplementation. In three days my fatique stopped. I was flabbergasted at the estrogen level and realize that I'd better bring it down because an increased estrogen level could feed cancer. Through my research, I discovered that Vitamin E helps to break down estrogen and that's the only thing I'm taking now. But I still didn't have an answer to my lack of sexual desire. What I learned, and who knows if it's correct, is that estrogen competes for the same receptor sites that testosterone attaches to, in order to exert its hormonal action (without testosterone, there is no sexual desire). According to what I've read, this is the reason that women on hormone replacement therapy can experience decreased sexual desire--they're getting their estrogen to help with the hot flashes, but if their testosterone level is down, they'll experience fatigue, decreased sexual desire, loss of the sense of well-being etc. That is why many leading experts, such as Dr. Barbara Sherman of McGill University in Montreal, advocates testosterone replacement in women who have had their ovaries removed or have postmenopausal decreased testosterone levels. I plan to continue researching and hopefully I'll find the answer. I'm just not willing to give up on the sexual side of my relationship. It's very distressing to me that more information hasn't been developed for women in this area. Yes, we have message boards like this one, (and thank God for that), but how many clinics do we have to deal with female sexual dysfunction? From what I've read, lack of sexual desire in perimenopausal and postmenopausal women is a BIG problem. I know of only one clinic that deals with female sexual problems, and it's run by the Berman sisters. I think it's in California--I live in Kansas. It is my hope that the baby-boomers are going to change this. There are eighty million of us baby boomers and I don't know about you girls, but I pity the first doctor that tries to tell me that it's in my head. But you see, most doctors have come to understand that women are tired of hearing that and that most of us, that have ovaries or have had ovaries, are not going to sit still for this type comment. I read one article where the researcher, (male), said, "I know that it may cause some of you to snicker when you think about a bunch of menopausal women on testosterone..." What a jerk. My female Physician Assistant told me that she had to argue with the medical doctor she worked with because she wanted to put one of her patients on estratest. The doctor told her, "I don't want to be known for that." She asked him, "Known for what?". He replied, "You know, for the sex pill".. PLEASSSSSSE! Some of us need to drag our physicians into the year 2001.
Just amazing to learn that this is still so much in the dark ages. Where have these doctors been that they are so out of touch? Even some of the women doctors I have talked to are the kind that pat you on the head and tell you that "you'll get over it" . Man , I hate that!!Well, like you said , we just have to enlighten these folks . I will gladly do my part .hugs, jeanne
Hello, I'm so glad I found this site. I'm getting much more information than I did on my own. I've lost my libido, and I'd really like to find it. I enjoy sex when I have it, and have erotic dreams occasionaly, but when I'm awake I just don't think of it. I don't really care. I was always easily aroused and initiated sex often. It really bothers my husband a lot. Maybe he feels undesirable. I know that he doesn't initiate sex enough. We have gone a month without. And I didn;t notice. He brings it up every time he gets mad, no matter who's around. I can't tell him I have no sex drive. It's been an important factor in our relationship and it would be a blow to his masculinaty. Does DHEA work? Is there any reason not to take it?
Hi. I am 23 years old and I have noticed a decrease in my libido with in the past 6 months. I have been married for 9 months. My doctor put me on Estratest and I have been taking that for 1 week today. I have noticed an increase of headaches. (which I usually don't have) and also noticed I have been very bloated. I am a petite person and I am very nervous about weight gain. I am seriously considering stopping the medication. The other side effects I am also afraid to find out I may lose my hair or have my voice change. Has anyone taken Estratest and if so had these side effects and gone off the medication and still have the lasting effects of the side effects?I do want to add..that in the last week I have noticed an increase of sexual desire for you ladies that may be interested in trying this medication.My other worry is that I am so young and they are not sure of the long term effects of this medication. My husband has been very understanding, but I am worried that if I can't please him that our relationship may diminish.Vixen
Vixen, I'm curious. Did the doctors do any testing to see why you would have lost your libido at such a young age before they started giving you medications?
It's possible there's an underlying endocrine problem that should be treated first - and maybe, your libido will return automatically when the other is cured.
Just my 3 cents
MaryOThanks for your response. Yes. They did a Free Testoserone Level test and all the results were low. Not significantly low, but still under the "average".
Dear Friends, Thank you for this board. I am 48 now and married 29 years.My experience has been typical desire and orgasms during my 20's and 30's. Then I experienced an increase in my libido and sexual response during my 30's to age 44 which seemed affected by my period,e.g., increased libido & orgasm post period until I ovulated which was the pinnacle then a gradual decrease until I got my period. Then the cycle repeated it self. This went on until I entered perimenopause when my cycle got all out of whack.. sometimes two periods a month & then no period for 3 months. When I became menopausal at 46 my libido & sexual resonse diminished until ithey are nonexistant today.. My dr. started me on HRT at 44 & this helped regualate period but no help to libido. Now I have no period and no sex drive. My husband is patient but I miss those great feelings..sometimes I cry myself to sleep. Has anyone out there tried "Niagara"? It's an herbal drink. What was your response? Can anyone explain the physiological changes I went through when my libido increased in my 30's and now is gone? I also noticed that alcohol has no affect on my me anymore or my libido like when I was young. THis leads me to think changes occur in the brain connected to libido & sex drive.
Sex- could take it or leave it. I started the progesterone cream- been on it for a month- and also found some under the tongue spray sexual enhancer. Boy, did I have a mind blowing "O" the other day1 Don't know if it's from one or the other or the combo but I'm stickin' with it!
I would like to know if anyone here on the boards have had a consultation with Dr. Susan Rako regarding loss of libido? How many women are on testosterone treatments and how you are doing with it. Did you get your own doctor to prescribe it? I am looking for help on this issue. I have loss of libido and vaginal astrophy and can not take estrogen. Thank you for any help you can share.Joyce K
I am 61 years old. Dr had given me Estratest for libidoI have not read or heard anything good about this drug.It is very discouraging. I have previously taken Premproto prevent osteo which I was borderline after bone density test. If anyone has a good word about Estratest please tell me. Thank you very much --Sara
Has anyone tried Viacreme? It's wonderful, all natural, externally applied to the clitoris, helps a women have an erection(yes we have them, too) so we can have an orgasm. And it is FANTASTIC!!
What is Viacreme? What is in it? And is it over the counter? How long have you been using it? Do Tell!JoyceK
Viacreme is an over the counter clear gel applied only as needed, 10-20 minutes before the "moment". It contains menthol (small amount that causes a warm, tingling sensaton) and L-Arginine. I've been using it for about a month and it gets better the more I use it.If you e-mail me I can give you a website for more info.flywithme5585@hotmail.com
Well. Never thought I'd be posting under this particular subject.
I've been, shall we say, celebate-not-by-choice for about 3 years (i.e. - no boyfriend). So libido was not really an issue for me during perimenopause. Now, I'm 5 months without a period, hormone tests are fully menopausal, and I'm dealing with a weight-gain issue along with a self-esteem issue. And guess what? The old libido comes roaring back with a vengeance. I've felt within the past week that I might be ovulating, or might be having a "phantom period". Who knows with my hormone levels? But I do know that in my younger days, my libido was strongest just around ovulation. Hooo-boy. Every guy is looking good to me these days. And the dreams are truly tantalizing!
Does anyone else have this experience, with the libido storming back after a long hiatus? I don't need tips on how to "take care of myself" - geeezzz, I've been doing that for years. But does this "here today, gone tomorrow" syndrome strike any one else?
Oh yeah , just ask my hubby! It could be weeks and then in the middle of the kitchen I will say NOW! heeheeOther times it's controllable or just normal or whatever , but there are those days when he is pleasantly surprised.:biggrin:hugs , jeanne
(Edited by jeanne at 1:43 pm on July 31, 2001)
Sigh! Wish I had someone to pleasantly surprise me!
Aww I'm sorry Sylvry please don't be sad ok?I will feel guilty all day if you are 
hugs , jeanne
Don't be sad, Jeanne. Just enjoy it!! You lucky lady, you!
taking activella and zoloft for depression. Only problem is lack of libido!! Help!
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