just found this on the internet. i'm rather skeptical myself. i think it's more hormonal related.
but i know that if you aren't feeling good about yourself, it will affect your sex drive somewhat. i've also read that men don't really care about your body image as long as you're a happy participator.
so ladies, what's your opinion????


WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Women who lose their sexual desire as they age may not be the victims of hormonal changes but may be reacting to their own body image, U.S. researchers reported on Wednesday.

The more a woman perceived herself as less attractive, the more likely she was to report a decline in sexual desire or activity over the past 10 years, the team at Penn State University found.
"Our results suggest that 'treatment,' via medication, of menopausal effects for this purpose seems unwarranted in light of the findings that menopausal status did not have a significant impact on the sexual responding of the women in this study," said Dr. Patricia Barthalow Koch, an associate professor of biobehavioral health and women's studies who led the study.
Koch's team studied 307 mostly white, heterosexual women aged 35 to 55.
About 21 percent said they were pre-menopausal, 63.5 percent said they were undergoing some menopausal changes and 15.5 percent were past menopause.
Nearly 21 percent of the women could not think of even one attractive feature and reported an overall sense of dissatisfaction with their bodies, Koch's team reported in The Journal of Sex Research. The women especially disliked their stomachs or abdomens, hips, thighs and legs.
Two-thirds of the women said they either desired sex less than 10 years before or that they had sex less often.
But the women reported that when they did have sex, there was a high level of enjoyment, with 72 percent saying they were physically and emotionally satisfied in their sexual relationships.
"There has been a dearth of research examining the relationship between body image and women's sexual response. These new results support a link between body image and sexual responding that needs further study," Koch said.

Yeah, I read that today too. I must say that I am definately skeptical about their 'conclusions'.

I'm sure that body image does matter. But from everything I've read about what little research has been done on female sexuality, I think they jumping to conclusions.

Every so often I'll see some news tidbit about female sexual research and always the research concludes that they really have no clue what makes us tick. Medicine/science isn't even sure exactly what a female orgasm is nor exactly how it occurs. I've read that the female genital nerve pathway system is not well understood. And as we all well know here, science still insists thst many menopause symptoms are some kind of
*imagined* problems.

And if you went on to read the longer version of that report, it said very little research into female sexuality has ever beeen conducted, and that funding for such research especially in the US, is nearly impossible to get.

So no, I don't give it a whole lot of credence.

Hi laurajane,



I heard this today on "The View". I believe that to be at least 50% true. I really hate the way my body looks. I am 53, about 10 pounds over weight (and I'm sure much more over fat %) and I feel like a pile of rippled jello!

My husband has always (and still does-I think he has blinders on ) thought I looked sexy but I have always had a problem with self image. Geesh - I look back at pictures of me even 10 years ago and wonder why I thought I didn't look good. I looked pretty damn good. Must me a childhood issue...dunno.

Anyway - I don't have much of a libido these days and it sure is coincidental that it surged at menopause, but then so did the weight gain. I know I need to get to the gym and work out and watch my caloric intake but it's hard when you are depressed and can't get motivated to do anything (except type on message boards ). I think what I need is a LOT of $$. That's a whole other issue on another thread here but it makes sense and if that is the case then menopause is (at least partly) just a state of mind and we all need TO SNAP OUT OF IT!!

BJ

I think there are a lot of variables to this. Yes, if I feel unsexy...then I do not want to get naked much less "get busy". However, when I am feeling good about myself, I find my sex drive is much stronger and I am pretty focused on sex and wanting to have it more. So yeah...but are my feelings about myself also hormone related, depression linked...etc. Who knows.

beth

Sorry Laurajane;

I'm just not getting the direction your post is taking. I have tried to "SNAP OUT OF IT" for so long on so many different levels that I think my "Snap has Snapped". I believe that if it were all in our minds we wouldn't be manifesting most of the 34 symptoms of peri-menopause.
They may not have figured out the female genital nerve pathway but is that any wonder when for centuries female sexuality has been more of women being receptacles for male seed. I do not think that a woman as been encouraged to be an active participant in the sex act and encouraged to enjoy sexual contact until the last century. Much of that would have been during the Suffragette movement and even at that time, many women acted in a "Manly" fashion in order to be taken seriously.
Man am I a downer this evening.

Sorry for the Rant

Linderful

Linder... man, I hope I write this well.... LOL....

I can't speak for BJ, but I must admit I often have thought the same thing, GET OVER IT- Now before you make your case, hear me out.....

I realize now, something I didn't realize when I first came to Power Surge. And that is for as rough as I thought I had it, I didn't experience the depression, the anger, the sadness, the isolation, the lonliness, the fear that so many women experience in peri and in meno. Yes, I've had a few bad days over it, but NOTHING like some of my sisters here have. So, in my defense, the reason I thought it could be a state of mind, and everyone should just get over it is because I couldn't possibly relate to what others here were feeling. Because I couldn't relate I was quick to ASS U ME that some were creating their own menopausal drama.

Now.... if I am completely honest, I still feel that some women do create their own drama. In a small percentage of the women here, I think they are so busy trying to fix themselves when what they need to be doing is understanding what is happening, and educating themselves, which is what this site in entirely about. There is nothing to fix, they are just changing.

Now ..... to the topic of body image.....

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could single out one thing for our lack of libido?? We could have that problem licked in an hour if we did that, but the truth is our body image DOES effect our sexuality, so do our hormones, so do our relationships, so does a lack of sleep, so does depression!! Actually there are 720 minutes in a 12 hour day and if we all worked together we could come up with 720 different things that effect our sexuality.

Thanks to Power Surge, I have learned that few things are black and white. Everything is mostly gray.

And Linder, you're not a downer I enjoy your posts!

Huggzzzzzzzzzz

Leanne;

Thanks. Your post was very well written and well thought out. Just snapping out of it, I agree, would be wonderful. This is a thought now which applies in a twisted sort of way. I have always thought that if a "Confidence Man",
my ex-husband, a man of few scruples and a lot of charisma, spent the energy he does on devious and unscrupulous pursuits, instead on honest and imaginative pursuits, he'd be the richest man on earth. Instead he lives off fragile women, creating low self esteem and never valuing what he has/had. Had, because I don't know if he's dead or alive and kind of wish it was the former.
I guess the point behind this post is that if we peri-meno women, me included, spent the time we do wallowing, yes I wallow, in healthy pursuits, perhaps our symptomology would be different. Again, I am not lessening anyone's suffering, because we do suffer. I just wish I could find a way to lessen or alleviate one symptom, any symptom. I guess I would want to focus on the Emotional Rollercoaster which accompanies our journey.
As they say, "I'd rather be ..................." Fill in the blank.

Linda

thanks for your input ladies. i can see both sides of the issue..... not feeling good about yourself would affect your sex life, and that it can be hormonal as well.
as for the symptoms of perimenopause being in your head. i'd have to disagree on that one. i myself wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy. and i sure don't like feeling like this, so how could it be in my head??? i'm not a hypochondriac, i've enjoyed being healthy up until 4.5 years ago. sure, i'd like to snap out of it. every day i'm looking for this to be over.

bjinsco,
i think it's great that your husband thinks your sexy! much better than the alternative.
my ex didn't like the way i looked, but he was looking for someone in the magazines, and no one stands a chance against those.

linderful,
i too would like to get rid of this emotional rollercoaster. while i don't like any of the symptoms, this is the worst of what i've been dealing with. i've atleast learned to not make any major decisions when i'm not in my "right mind". i have good days and bad ones, and thankfully today is a good one. i pray you have many good days all in a row!
laura

Gosh, I loved reading this...this one made me think alittle more.
I hadn't ever thought how your own body image might effect your sexual desire. But I do think there would be a corralation...it just makes sense, I guess. I think too, that your 'desire' might also be affected by how your mate sees you...if he thinks you are sexy and desirable, that should bolster your own body image.

And of course, we all live in that world were we tend to..um..care(? for lack of better words) what other people think of our appearance. It would be great if we could throw that information out of our brains, but, as females, we tent to put too much emphasis on it. Remember, we ARE our worst enemies.....sorry to say...and guilty of it too....

June

Hi there Laurajane;

I think you may have learned one of the most important lessons. You have no idea how many times I have made up my mind about something simply from something my husband may have said on the spur of the moment. Lets look at a period of time about 4 to 5 weeks ago. My husband was in contact with an old friend from out west. My husband returned from the west (Calgary, Alberta) in August 1990, where he had worked as a High Power Hydro Electrician. This friend who is still there, talked to my husband about work conditions out there for no other reason than general conversation and catching him up on previous workmates. I had us MOVING out west in my mind within a couple of days. What was I thinking? My husband owns his own business here, his and my families are here, We own the greatest little house imaginable and out son is in Grade 9 and is having the greatest time because he has a sh*tful of friends. Now why would you leave all that behind? You wouldn't. But for some reason I thought he might want us all to go there so I got myself ready and then some. This happens to me all the time. My husband says that If he had a client come in who was as easy to sway as I was, he would have everything Sold on the Lot, because the clints would be what are called "Lay down Customers". No Tire Kicking, No having to talk to the Spouse,etc.... I am far to much of a soft touch.

Anyways Laurajane, what this post was meant to be was a congratulations post for knowing who you are that there are times when you shouldn't even pick out paint colours, much less make major decisions.

Linda
Linderful

I dunno,...I can say that back when I was with my ex,..I didnt feel good about myself and also I was afraid too that If I didnt do something, right, or they way HE wanted, and he was also very mean about degrading me for my body's appearance...I wasnt the least bit interested...

NOW, with my BF, i am so "wanting" to, desire him, and to tell ya the truth, I am not in the least bit happy with my body...except that he is...I can be myself so much with him, it has become so much FUN!!! We laugh so much and oh, the tenderness,..but it is because of HIM, that I feel so much like a woman.

Sex was, rarely enjoyable for me...no matter what my body looked like...something i wished I could of taken a knife to my face and also to parts of my body, because I thought my preditors and abusers would leave me alone then...with my ex,..i can now say..he is sick..in every area,..plain and simple.

LJ..I bet that was compiled by mere men,...again...trying to grab at straws, to eliminate some of the resposibilites from them again... and it has been mainly "them" that have established what is supposed to be the desirable figure for a woman...they used to want to wide hips, (easier for passin babies) blah blah blah..and now its the "barbie doll figures,..why do we women allow them to dictate was is the desirable shape?

I know that we women , have some what played into their ways...knowin that we can have some what a "power" or "presitige" over them sexually. there is more I want to add,..but im still dealing with dizziness..and I need to try to get some things done in the house...

I want to add, (my head is a bit calmer) is that even after having my last baby(age 34)...up until I had my gall bladder out ..36...I had a very desirable body shape...36, 25, 36...now I have no idea what my bust, waist, butt size is,..but because my BF finds me so "sexy" and because he doesnt degrade my body and finds pleasure in me...it "turns me on" even more. My self image has changed more for who I am, not who I look like, or who else I can turn their heads, all I care about is seeing his head turn and his eyes watch me from accross the room.

There has beenmany a times when I didnt know he was watching me..ex. I was sittin in my car, cleanin it, wiping it down, had my tunes cranked, and I dont know how long he had been standing accross the driveway, leaning up against his truck, just smiling...just watchin me, havin fun cleanin and singing...man I "attacked him!" hubba hubba...

I , myself, would like to have a tummy tuck or even lipo..done on my belly...but he thinks its stupid. I have asked him, wouldnt he find me more appealing though if it was gone? He tells me "no, because partly he knows it has to do with having children, and going through stress, and meds." Even though I havent physically bore him his children..(which he doesnt have anyways)...physically that is,..but because of the mother I am, he finds me sexy, and my desire to please him, not out of fear, or control...just because he can tell i enjoy giving to him...how right he is.

When ANYONE, male or female, feels acceptance from another human being....there is a boost in our self image, our self esteem...sometimes though, we can gain the WRONG perceptive from that person, we have tried to "please" or find desirable. We need to be careful on who we are allowing to say, what is desirable. My ex was never satisfied and would degrade me even for the stretch marks that came from HIS children...

hope this makes some sense..

linderful,
i know what you mean about jumping the gun on issues. i do it and i also obsess about issues as well. the way these hormones mess with your mind is just amazing, and frustrating. but i'm glad i've got God to guide me thru the tough spots!

damomma,
i'm so glad to hear you've found someone who loves you for being you, not what you look like! it's so nice to hear about a man who looks at the person on the inside and not just on the outside.
i'm waiting to find someone like that, and i know he's around here somewhere....