I have looked for a thread that addresses heartbreak during menopause, but I can't find one. Has anyone had to go through a breakup where HE found someone else? This is what I am going through right now. This is the most difficult thing I have had to go through and with so much other stuff (peri), I just don't know how I am going to handle this.

Does anyone have any suggestions?


What are your experiences?

Help!

Patrice

IMO.....As hard as it is right now...you have to look yourself in the eye and say "HE missed out on ME!" Get dressed in something that makes you feel sexy, call up your girlfriends and go out and have fun. dance up a storm on the dance floor, flirt shamelessly and laugh hard and loud. Just have a girls night out. It will do you a world of good.

You are two years younger than me and that is exactly what I would do. Don't let your peri define you. Don't let your age define you. Go live your life. Indulge in your hobbies, take a class you put off taking, pamper yourself, and watch out....Mr. Right for You is out there. *hugs*

beth

Thanks Beth for your response. That is exactly what I need. I need someone to tell me that it was his lost and that life goes on. I am praying hard to get through this. I just thought that at my age, heartbreak was not possible. I suffered when I was younger and it was very tough, but now it is almost unbearable.

Oh, my dear - you need to tell yourself that it was his loss and that life goes on... My ex-husband did the same thing - and one of the last things I told him, and in a calming, smiling way, a month before the divorce was signed by the Judge was "I'm the best thing that ever came into your life and there will be a day that your sorry you did this"...ahhh, it took a few years for him to realize what I said was true..Groveling was interesting to watch Ooops, to late for him - it really was a blessing because I met a man that is truthful, much more handsome , a sense of humor that is unbelievable and gives me flowers for no reason at all...and I married him.

So Patrice - everything in life happens for a reason - and maybe the reason is that there is someone around the corner of your life who will treat you and love your more then ever...

Blessings,
Stacy

Patrice;

I'm trying to think of a nice way to describe "The Change" and I think I just figured it out. I am sure it is not original but here goes.

You are a Chrysalis Undergoing your Transformation to a Butterfly. So There !!!

Linderful

Patrice,

Just look at your name "bigheart". And re-read your post as if it were someone else's. You'll see a gentle, loving person. I know if I were posting in the same situation, someone would have to censor it. (not that you haven't probably expressed that anger elsewhere...) Truly, if some guy didn't value that sweetness, well, let's just say he'll end up with what he deserves.

And start doing all those things that you didn't do because he wasn't interested! That's a good way to start enjoying things.

Hi Patrice..................Just want to echo what the other lovely ladies have said - when my ex left me I thought it was worst thing that could have ever happened to me - but he did me the biggest favour of my life - Like Stacey I met and fell in love with a gorgeous irishman - truthful, handsome, great sense of humour and would move heaven and earth for my happiness. I truly thought it would never happen to me and it would be just something I would read about in books.

I know your heart is breaking and the pain feels unbearable and the problems seem insurmountable but there are lots of us here who have walked through that dark tunnel and come out the otherside. Draw on their wisdom and experience whenever you need to and though you cant believe it at the moment you are on the brink of a whole new life full of treasures you never imagined possible .......
((((((Heartfelt hugs)))))))))

Julie x

I love all of you for your uplifting responses. I do know that in time that I will have the victory over this situation. I just feel as if someone has thrown a rock the size of Texas through my heart. One day, someday, I will wake up and wonder what the heck I was so upset about and I can't wait. Gosh, I am too old for this.



Hugs back to all of you,


Patrice

I was in bed last night, reviewing the day, and I thought about my post here...... I just want to add that I dont just think that our only salvation and happiness is through a relationship with a man ..........I was 8 years single after my ex-left - and not one boyfriend ........ my happiness came slowly but surely by discovering the freedom to think and feel and experience life through my own eyes and heart and soul and learning to trust and share myself with people who cared about me for who I REALLY was. It was an interesting (and sometimes painful) ride - but I wouldnt have missed it for the world ............

I suppose in a nutshell what Im trying to say is - Those unimagined treasures arent just man-shaped First and foremost they are Patrice-Shaped ............

Julie x

Ps You are never too old for anything ........... except perhaps Bunjy-jumping

Wise words from a wise woman...

JULES!!! wow, wowo wow, that gave me goosebumps...Patrice shaped...wow!

Biggy, Im so sorry you have to experience this..i dont have any words to offer..just Ditto....and Im here for you and as all the other gals...

BigHeart -
I am glad you started your own thread, reaching out is a really good sign! Keep doing that and gather all the support you can.

I am sorry that you are going through this. Just keep in mind that what he did/does is about him and has absolutely nothing to do with you, regardless of anything to the contrary you may hear or feel. His lack of integrity and character is no relfection of you or anything you have done. There are many ways to work though issues, the path he chose just demonstrates his extreme immaturity and lack of integrity. You deserve better!! We all do!!

All you have control over is you, and and the fact that he has done what he has shows he doesn't even have enough self reflection, internal trust and strength of character to overcome his imaturity, selfishness and gnawing emptiness. Not the description of a man that is anywhere close to being good enough for you.

I have been through this, and there were many time I beat myself up for not knowing, for being trusting when I "should have known" better, for trying to love even though the pain, and you know what? That was the worst thing I could have done...why should I feel bad that I am a trusting person, why should I feel bad that I gave everthing to a relationship and tried to love unconditionally? Those are good things, why do I need to berate myself for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, for trusting, for doing the best I could? The bottom line is I did everythin with the best on intentions, do/did I have things to learn? Of course, but one thing I know for sure: whatever decisions I made, I made them with good intentions and my heart was in the right place. I bet your ex can't say that.

You are certainly not alone and I hope that you continue to reach out and treat yourself with love and kindness! You deserve it!

I will be sending positive and soul strengthening thoughts your way!!

Gosh, ladies, you are making me cry. You are all so right about what you have written. I love the "Patrice-shaped" phrase. I also know that I am special and I have a lot to offer anyone who takes the time to get to know me. It is his loss. I just can't believe how stupid I was to believe in him. I also feel so used. However, I am on the road to recovery though it still is a long way down that road. I will just keep on being me which is not so bad and just live life the best way I know. God bless all of you!


Patrice