Please bear with me as this post could be all over the place cuz im thinking in so many directions. there are a couple of reasons we are deciding to move . my husband retired last year after 20 years in the navy and we bought our first house , since then we have found that it is very hard to live off of his retirement pay and a low-paying job. he hasnt been able to find a good job because he is so over-qualified noone will hire him. the other reason is my mom has leukemia and lives in iowa and she doesnt have alot of time left and we wanted to move closer to her and spend the time with her. we live in washington state and the cost of living here is very high. so anyway , my crying is coming from the fact that we have 7 kids and 5 grandkids here and i cant bear to think of leaving them. our 2 youngest , 9 & 5 obviously will be going with us but our older kids all have their lives here and will stay.they all range in age from 17 to 27. we are all very close and i am the proverbial "glue" for our family. this is the first time i will be away from them and its breaking my heart. but on the flip-side , my brothers and their wives and my sister and my mom are all close together over there and i will have a chance to be with them again after years of being apart and im looking forward to that. the plan is to move to iowa until my mom passes away and then we are going to come back home. im so torn its causing me to panic and my anxiety is back so that i feel sick and cant sleep. thats it in a nutshell. i could go on and on about my fears and tears but i was trying to keep this short and not bore anyone. i just need some advice and reassurances and maybe some positive ways to look at this situation. thanks everyone!!!!

Sudio....first let me give you a big ol' HUG. Having to move away from your children and grandbabies...thats a sad thing for sure. Moving is a task all in its self...let alone away from loved ones.

The positive side is that you will be able to spend quality time with your Mom, be with family members you haven't spent much time with over the years...You said your hubby retired from the Navy...doesn't the military offer cheap flights to its retirees? If they do...at least you'll have inexpensive air fare for lots of visits to your kids.

I sure hope you are feeling better soon !!!!

Pam

Moving away from one's family is always hard. Think of when each of your children grew up and moved away from home. They were beginning a great adventure, but they always knew that their parents were always there for them if they needed you. This is a greater adventure in a way for you and your husband. You Sudio, however, will apparently bear the brunt of it. Your husband must be familiar with being away from the family for extended periods of time with his Navy career. This will be a new experience for you.
Just like you would welcome your children home in a time of need, it is time for you to go home to your mother in her time of need. It is important for you to build some memories of your mother at a time that you are both adults or else you are bound to continue seeing her through a child's eyes. You have a choice, Build Memories or Build Regrets. Memories are great, regrets gnaw away at you over the years. Perhaps this would also be a good move for you and your husband financially. Perhaps there would be an entry position in some firm that could arrange a transfer for your husband when the time was right to move back to Washington State. Look for Iowa Newspapers online and check out the classified section to see what kind of employment opportunities there are in Iowa within an hour's drive or so of where you will be living. You did not say whether you would be buying, renting or living in your mother's house while you are in Iowa. Having sold your house in Washington State, you may have fewer expenses for a while. You may not be paying Property taxes, some utilities, etc.
Something FUN to consider, Set up a family BLOG where You, your Children,
The Sons & Daughters in-law, and Grand Children could keep in touch on a daily basis. It could be that you would get to know your Family even better with this kind of communication. Oh, And don't forget, there's Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, all kinds of holidays where families travel.
Finally, You Are ALLOWED to be sad. You are ALLOWED to miss your Children. You are ALLOWED to say goodbye to your Mother.

Keep Well and I hope this helped.

Linderful

Sudio;

I meant to say you are ENTITLED to be sad. You are ENTITLED to miss you Children. and You are ENTITLED to say goodbye to your Mother.

Linderful

Dear Sudio,

first of all let me start by saying you are not boring anyone.you are going through a tough time right now and you need to hear feedback.

My heart is breaking with you.Just reading your post i can feel the heart break and the hesitation in your words.

My Husband and i moved to VA beach 9 yrs ago and left our family and friends behind also.
We needed to for financial reasons.My husband became disabled after a car accident and living in NY became too difficult both financially and physically.The winters were tough to get around in and up in the country hospitals and DR'S were too far.

even though i knew in my heart the move was inevitable and the best thing for us, i just couldn't imagine my life without my family and friends close by.

In the long run we had to do what was best for us to survive.We see our family they love to visit and the STRESS of staying where we would have to struggled is now gone.

I know how torn you are and i know this is breaking your heart,but the gift that you are giving your Mom is something that she will Cherish. .The time you spend with your mom now will last a lifetime in your heart forever.Her quality of life will
improve with you near her.You are an amazing person.

You obviously already know what you need to do.you just are having a hard time leaving.There is allot of love in your family and it sounds like no matter what or no matter when you will all be together again.

take this time and enjoy your Mom,give her the gift of time.

HUGS,
Lynda

Sudio, OMG I have lived your life. My husband retired from the AF in DE and I loved it there, we had been there for years. But then peri-meno hit and he had a affair and I became unglue. Stay Go Stay?
Guess you have missed my posts on this subject! We had our place in DE on and off the market 4 times, three different realtors in 3 years. One realtor scream at me when I changed my mind again... I just loved De but felt so unhaapy!
Anyway A older lady looked at our place in Dec 02, had wanted to put a contract on it but on that very day we took it off the market. Few months later (spring 03) she stopped by our house and ask if we had any plans to relist it. I took it as a sign because at that time I wanted to move again. Plus no realtor fees.
I tell you I regret it! We tried to find a place in the country here (I have a horse) but with the housing market we couldn't. So we settle for a small place in town, Which I hated. Fast forward two years later (6 weeks ago) we moved to a perfect place. Nice house in the country and room for my horse. Hate it!
Funny thing is this place was on the market last year but for 24 thousand dollars less. We looked at it then and loved it but that very afternoon the sellers excepted another contract.
Please just take my advice like a grain of salt, I'm pretty much unstable now and truly I feel it wouldn't matter where I live right now I wouldn't be happy. I used to be so happy.
Moving for me doing peri has been the worse thing I have done. But on the other hand I bet if I had stay I would be saying WISH I HAD MOVED!
I hated to even share my story, but felt compel to. Just my view and remember I'm having a rough peri-meno>>
I'm in therapy.


PS I spend the last 5 years caring for my Mom before she died, it was hard but OH I wouldn't trade that time for a million bucks! Maybe after your Mom is gone you will return to live near your kids. Maybe this is what you are meant to do at this time!
This will be one of the hardest thing you have ever done! I Feel so VERY sad for you.

Hi Sudio, I feel for you. My situation is a little different, but still I'm having a real hard time with it. My daughter (also my only child) is moving from Maine to Florida in a week. She is 20 years old, and she and her friend are moving down there to start a 'whole new life' with better opportunities. I'm VERY proud of her, because she is much braver than I ever would have been at her age. But still, I'm suffering TERRIBLE separation anxiety over all of this. She is my one and only, and has been my WHOLE life since we lost her Dad back in 1989. We are more than mother/daughter, we are best friends. I'm just sick over this whole thing, and I know I'm going to be just lost after she goes. We have never been this far away from each other, with the exception of short vacations. I can't imagine not being able to see her on a daily basis. It's hard, VERY hard, and I feel for anyone that has to away from their loved ones. I just pray that everything goes well for her and all of her dreams do come true.
Hugs,
Kleeo

But you have to put on a brave face and let her go...

(seemed to lose the page so I hope I won't be repeating myself)

How right you are, Alice. Today, I went and helped her pack up some of the things in her apartment. We laughed and giggled, but you really could sense the tension. The sweetest thing about all of this? SHE is worried about ME being left here alone without her around!! Bless her young heart. I just keep the faith and let God take over from here. He's going to be LOTS closer to her than I am.
Hugs, Kleeo

Sending you love and hugs Kleeo

Oh Kleeo .......... REALLY feel for you ((((((heartfelt hugs)))))) .... can feel yur anguish in your words. God Bless you Kleeo - your positive determination shines through even in your 'darkest' 'tiredest' posts - you will find Something positive in this really sad time too........... You and Perkins Cove are never far away from my thoughts my lovely PS friend ............



Julie x

Good Morning;

Feeling kind of pissy this morning and it's showing in my Post. I just want to ask one question. Why is it that when an individual, Sudio for example, records a post requesting encouragement for her situation it seems to be hi-jacked by other people who seem to think that their situation, though not on topic with the original request, is more important? Sudio has asked for encouragement and positive feedback on her issues. Shall we keep that in mind while posting for her.

Thanks, and sorry for the Pissy Mood. <_<

Linderful

Studio and Kleeo my heart breaks for both of you I can’t even imagine what you are going through I had a hard time when my youngest moved out, she is 21. I don’t even know what to say to you, but I can feel your pain and it is justified. My prayers are with both of you.

Barb

I think women just like to comfort each other Linderful. It's a similar situation.
You only have to look at the Welcome thread where Dearest constantly tells us not to answer posts.

Hi Kleeo,

My thoughts are with you.This is a tough transition not to mentioned coupled with peri/meno.

Again i feel that the love and closeness that you all have for one another will ALWAYS draw you near.

I'm so sorry to hear about you all losing your husband and the kids losing their Dad.I know that it draws you even closer to one another and I'm sure you felt even more protective of them when this happened.You all had to be there for one another and of course this builds a bond thats hard to break.

It sounds like a new chapter is entering all of your lives and this is very


hard for all of you,especially if you have given your whole person to them.Your kids are looking at this as a new adventure and i can tell by your post that you are proud and excited for them to strut there stuff!!.

And maybe its time for you to strut your stuff too I don't know your situation,I don't know if you have dated or remarried,but if you haven't maybe its time for you.Time for you to share yourself with someone.

This could be a time to enjoy something you deserve and haven't experienced in a long time.

I know right now your probably cant "go there" in your mind but do know that this is your adventure too.this is your new chapter.

So when your ready....spread your wings and fly....And you know what you know your kids and you will have wonderful stories to tell.

You will always have a strong bond with your kids and this could be a very good thing.I'm sure as you get stronger you will venture too.

My thoughts are with you KLEEO,
HUGS,
Lynda

Hi Kleeo

Me again OK hows the brain fog.....thank you peri
I'm sorry i see by the post you have one child.And to think I'm always yelling at my son ........Dobble check your work :Lil: :Lil: .I'm definitely not telling him this one,ill NEVER live it down.

Thank you all for your posts. The past few days have been so stressful and busy. kleeo, my oldest daughter and i are like best friends too. I was only 15 when i had her and so we kind of grew up together. She is almost 28 now and im only 43. She depends on me more than anyone else and we see each other almost daily and talk every day on the phone. I guess i will still be able to talk on the phone every day. and i dont know about the military giving cheaper rates to their guys. I think that they will fly us really cheap if we want to go to some place that they are already heading to , but thats it , and they arent usually flying from place like iowa to washington.It woulb be more like if we wanted to go to germany or baharain or something like that.Anyway, I an really torn. I am trying to look at it as an adventure for me , since ive never lived anywhere else since i was little, and like you Che Che we really NEED to move for financial reasons too. The cost of living here is sky-high and we just arent surviving. I just keep reminding myself that once we get there and start seeing our bank account looking good , i will feel justified. and with the extra money we will be able to fly our kids to visit and vice-versa. And you and linderful are right about my mom , it will do her a world of good for us to be there and i would regret it if i didnt go.
LINDERFUL, Thanks for jumping in there and caring so much! i appreciate that, but i know that im not the only one going thru a rough time. I feel for all of you and i hope for the best for all of us. Thanks again everyone.

I understand how you feel, Kleeo, as I would miss my kids very much if they moved away or I moved away, but (ducking) I am looking at this very selfishly as a way to get my good buddy down to Florida where I have a house so close to where your daughter will be!

Thereya go Kleeo - the first positive thing? ...........MERYL!!!!!!!



Julie x

I don't think anyone here is trying to 'hijack' a request for encouragement. And frankly, I am offended by your insinuation that I think my situation is more important. These boards have (at least since I've been a member now for some 7 or more years since it was an AOL board) been a 'community' where women in menopause get together to SHARE feelings, support, etc. etc. I don't think anyone here is trying to make their situation 'priority' over anyone else's. It's a 'share and understand' thing here, not a rush to the finish line to get more attention to a post. Now said, I'll drop this subject. These boards do not need negativity.

MERYL!!!! my buddy! You always remind me that there is something GOOD in everything! (And I DID tell my daughter that you will be close by to keep an eye on her for me!!) And I'm STILL checking out properties down there......more to come on THIS one in the next email I send you!

Sudio, we'll get through this JUST fine. Because we are both strong enough to do so. All of this support is amazing.

And to the rest of you SWEET LADIES....bless you all. After I get past this seperation anxiety (~!!!!!!~) I'll be fine. When I get that call next week that she MADE it down there safe and sound, I will start adjusting.......Thank you for the very sweet words and support.......this is NOT an easy time at all. For me OR Sudio, or ANYONE that is going through this sort of life change.
Love & Hugs to each and every one of you!

Linderful I do not see where anyone hi-jacked Sudio post. Sometime we see a topic and say>> hey been there >done that and share our story. There used to be a post all over the place that even encourage this. OK took me awhile but I found a post about this subject.


Please READ Before Creating New Topics:
http://www.power-surge.com/php/forums/inde...?showtopic=4422

My Apologies to all;

As I mentioned, I was feeling Pissy this morning and probably seeing things that were not there. I stand corrected.

Linderful

I feel the need to express/ explain myself a little further. I truly did not mean to make any accusations, or to violate any message board protocols, my endeavor was simply to provide SUDIO with viable solutions and supports.

Sorry Ladies if I offended anyone, that was not the intention.

Linderful

Linderful, it's been my experience with the boards that the way we support each other is by sharing similar problems, experiences, symptoms, etc. I do know that was Kleeo's intention. I, for one, have felt nothing but good will from women who have shared their own experiences with me and have never felt that they were hijacking a topic that I've either begun or contributed to. That is the beauty of this message board -- it's a place to come to share.

I'm sure you were just having a "hormonal moment" and really didn't mean what you wrote. Let's all forget about it!

Meryl

Hi Sudio;

I was just wondering how you were doing now with your move. I hope everything is coming together smoothly. Bye Now



Linderful