I am heading towards 46 and am having lots of tummy bloating and wind and I think it is peri causing it.
Has anyone had any relief using any of the supplements like red clover?
Have any diets helped?

Machair, it seems the older I get the worse the "windiness" I remember my mom getting windy as she aged and we'd laugh about it when I was in my 20's. Now I'm the same age she was when it began and hahaha, it's my turn. I'm not sure if its genetic, or aging, or what, but I should've bought stock in Beano, because that's the only thing that seems to help me. And even it doesn't completely do the trick, but at least it makes the wind odorless (can't believe I'm sharing all this...)

I used to get bloated when I first went back on the Pill and I still will if I eat something that has too much salt in it. I seem to be very sensitive to salt and don't even really like stuff salted--I'll pick salt off pretzels before eating them!

I don't know if red clover tea helps. Herb tea just makes me pee more.

I can't even eat apples anymore without problems...

The trick is remembering to take the Beano with the first bite of gas-producing food, and having brain fog has been detrimental to that plan on too many occasions. Sigh.... <_<

Good luck. Hopefully someone else will respond with their solutions.

Shel

machair,
i've had the worst bloating. in trying to see if any foods set it off, i discovered that breads (simple carbohydrates) and too much meat will make it much worse. i usually take betain hydrochloric acid to help with digestion. (as we get older, most of us produce less acid than we did in our younger years.) i should probably be taking enzymes as well for the same reasons, but i'm just taking so many pills right now, i don't really want to add to that number any more than i have to. one of these days i'll get to taking enzymes again. if any of this sounds like it's something you want to try, be sure to ask at your health food store first. i'm not an expert, but have learned a lot in my quest of good health.
take care!
laura

Wind?!!! Man if I heard the wind sound like some of the ones I have "personally been proud of sharing" it would scare me to do more than just f**t in my "grunders"... Thats what they are f**ts... wind???!!! on come on gals...

Oh, DaMomma, you crack me up! I was trying to be so lady-like and you go and call a spade a spade (or a f**t a f**t as the case may be). OK, f**t. There, I said it. Could ever a word sound more like the sound of what it describes than that one?

Machair and LauraJane, Beano is an enzyme.

Shel

DaMomma and shellbelle

You both crack me up!!!!

My son "let" one not too long ago and didn't mean to. (He's 27 years old) It sounded like a "Quack". That was funny enough but when he turned around and said "Excuse me, I had duck for dinner", I literally rolled on the floor laughing. So now any time one of us "breaks wind" or "f**ts", we all say that!!!

Such a symphony that can come from our behinds!!!!!

Geez!!! Sounds like we're a bunch of adolescent girls. "Saying "f**t" and then snickering behind our hand because we were being really Daring and Naughty. Hey, what can I say. f**t jokes are funny.

My husband is a gasser extrordinaire, so I have heard them all. (Double Meaning). This one however is my favourite.

" Well I might as well wipe my arse and that one a **** "

I think Gassing is a normal part of Peri. I know that it is for me.


Linderful

\

Well I might as well wipe my arse and CALL that one a ****"

Sorry" missed a word.

Shellybelly,..ahhhh now dont you "feel" better? you did it!!

Tots,...ken better be careful...lettin those off like that, huntin season is here.. Tell him I said he better get a cork if'n his a gonna be around some lakes.


Linder...I dunno if I have been fartin actually more since peri, but I do know, the stench sure can make a grown man cry! Ask my BF...

One of my favorite things to do to my kids is when we are in a store , i'll let one "slip"..(Ok, almost did the same thing, in tryin to be lady like..i'll rephrase that.."RRRRRRRRRRRIP") , then i'll move down the isle a few feet and call who ever is with me to come and check something out. MoooooooOOOOohahaha, they walk in the MIST of it..hehehehe

I am laughing so hard right now that I have tears in my eyes!!!!!!

"Excuse me, I had duck" !!!!!

Oh, DaMomma, you're cruel. My husband goes grocery shopping with me and he has let one and I've walked through it...I try to escape the vicinity before anyone thinks I did it!

Believe it or not, I really do get a kick out of f**t jokes and the whole topic in general. I used to have some Flarp, that f**t-in-a-can stuff, and if I needed a good laugh I would play with that for a while. It can really make some very realistic sounds that are hilarious.

OK, does this thread belong on the Humor board?

Shel

Shellybelly..i taint either! Just sometimes I have to act "the male part and dad role", at least thats my story and Im stickin to it! so Naaahh ... (good excuse..huh?!)


I gotta share this with ya then,.. ok... When I drove school bus, I had this litle gal who was in 3rd grade, she was so prim and proper..such a girlie girl. One day she belted out,"EWWW, You're so gross David!" (One thing Im big on is not allowing names are labelin to be called..their actions maybe addressed, but that was it.)

I asked Kelleen what was wrong.

She said, "DaMomma, tell David to quit letting out his gas!"...

I told her,"Well Huney, I know you f**t too, its a natural thing our bodies need to do."

Her reply, "Well, MY mom says it isnt lady like!",

I then asked her, "Kelly, do you think Im a lady?!"...

She answered, "Well yes of course."

I couldnt resist...when I came to the next stop, and let 2 other students off, I put the bus brakes on...stood up, lifted my right leg....and let'er fly...

The whole bus was in rocking, from the laughter..and Kelly placed her hand over her moth and was tryin not to giggle...I just knew in the mornin I would be hearing something from Kelly..

Sure enough, Kelly got on with a disappointed look on her face,...I asked her what was up..

"DaMomma, I told my mom what you said and did,..she said that it was ok for you to do that but I still couldnt."

Poor little thing,...she may end up with a complex every time she f**ts, she may end up thinking she's not a lady!!

Okay, its " fess up time"..... who has coughed, sneezed and f**ted at the same time?!

Talk about a one woman band!

OMG....DaMomma.....LOL BIG TIME!!!!! I'll bet everybody has done this....at least 2 outta 3!!!


Achoo......QUACK!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I should sign up for AFLACK aflack....

No No..Tots tell your DS HE NEEDS TO!!!

Doe anyone have bloating??? Well, let me put it this way.... I could fall overboard a cruise ship, not be found for days, and I'd still be floating!!

(f**t f**t f**t!! There!!! Now I've said it too!!) LMAO!

\O/ yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh leanne!!!!

I have so much gas, I could donate a portion to the local power company. I bet with my donated gas, I could power half of San Franciso opps, scuse me..

I meant *burp*, opps scuse me. Apparently there's some weird HTML thing that doesn't allow brackets.

Oh, you're all cracking me up so much! And Leanne, you said the F-word! As Damomma said to me, didn't it feel good to say that instead of pass wind or some other lady-like phrase?

I was in a fancy card/gift shop looking for a card and I had a cold that was making me sneeze rather powerfully. Well, yeah, you know what happened. Sneeze! And BIG old loud f**t out the behind. This very proper old lady was a couple yards away and she said "Oh, my!" I could've died...But I bet she went home and sat in her favorite stuffed chair and let a few out herself. I mean, really, who is she kidding?

Oh shellybelly,,..lol...she was just probably jealous. She musta had a cork in hers when she leaves the house. Oh maybe yours has a pruuurrrrttttier tone to it than what she has hit in her later years.

What cracks me up, is when "Gandma"...my BF's grandma... is when she starts walking around, every* step she takes shes phffft, phfft, phfftin... I told her just yesterday... "Gandma.... just run around the table and let 'er all out, dont keep it in."

She replied..."Dolly, if I could I would, but Im afraid I might **** my pants!"

Gandma is a 94 year young, farm lady mame. I got a laughing so hard, tears ran down my face, and then we BOTH*, i kid u NOT* BOTH started fartin too! LMAO!

I have known Gandma for 40 years, and I have never heard her even swear before. BF says, i just know how to bring the best out of her. I cant agree with him there, because if that is bringin out the best out of her..we're in trouble because hers smell as if something has crawled up in her and died a few times!!!! I hope that maybe someone will come up with kind of suppository that tames them critters down b4 too long!

Cracking up here

Not only sneezed, coughed and f**ted at the same time - but then I wet myself as well...

And then there are the "Butt Cheek Flutter f**ts". Extra volume due to flesh slapping on flesh. And the "Sticky f**ts", which are so thick that they cling to your clothing and any fabric in the room in which they were released.
And then when you are sweaty and your butt cheeks are stuck together the gas escapes from the front.
And then there is also the morning cloud. This is when you keep your bedroom door closed at night and you could either float out of your room on top of the cloud or climb over it.

By the way, isn't it Cow f**ts or Cow Burps that are depleting the Ozone Layer? I wonder what our gas is doing !

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you f**t."

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD IT'S A GOOD THING I'M NOT GASSY AT THE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You ladies (and you still are!) are sooooo funny!

Sometimes my hubby will go to bed a little earlier than I do. By the time I go into the bedroom, he has filled the room with a cloud. I cough and gag and fan the air with a magazine to clear it a bit. But then I have to get under the covers and when I lift the sheets, I'm overcome again!

I'm really glad f**ts are only noisy and smelly--imagine if they were colored too. Can't you just picture everyone walking around with their own unique colorful cloud trailing along behind them? How embarassing would that be?

Thanks for the laughs!

Shel

You have really put some DEEP thought and study into this havent ya???

Shellybelly!!!! Oh my Gawd....me and my kids has said the same thing about the colored f**ts!!!!! We have even tried to come with something we could add to our diet to make a rainbow..hehehe but no luck...HEY maybe we could all participate here...lets see what we can do to make colored f**ts.. Hmmm, better yet, maybe I should call a few Frat-houses at the UofM and give them the ball???!!! Im serious here now, I dont think I aint!

My BF had to go a show my boys how to light their gas bambs with a lighter! OH MY GAWD! They (my boys, and their friends have even video taped it... They wanted to do it in a coffee can like in the movie of "Jack" with Robin Williams..I have to put my foot down on that one, but I wont be surprised if they still try it else where.

Just thought of another study...I wonder if you could see steam shootin out after lettin off one in the winter. Well, I guess my boys will be came for this!!!

Oh goodie, I asked them and 2 of their buddies are here..now they cant wait!

I'm gonna admit something here.......I used to "light" mine too!!!!!

KID!.. you, you,...you f**t FLAMER you!

Yep..the bigger the f**t, the bigger the flame!!! Real pretty shades of green, yellow, blue and orange!!!!

3P here! Go on, own up. I bet some of you girls have done it too. Haven't you..?

Whenever my son comes to see me he always does one on the kitchen chair (a f**t, not a pee) then he blames the dogs!
When one of the dogs does one, she looks round at her bottom in surprise as if to say - was that me? And then looks at me accusingly.

Hi DaMomma;

No deep thought or study really. I live it. !!!!
Between my extra gas and my husband's contributions, you simply give them (gas expulsions) names.

Gas on Ladies !!!

Linderful

Oh Tots! You're brave! I always heard you could damage your innards if you accidentally s*cked any gas back in while lighting it. Well, that must be if people do it naked...Otherwise you'd just singe your jeans.

There are some things I guess I just must do before I die, and light my own f**t will go on the list

Yes it's cow f**ts that contribute to 2% of the depletion of the ozone layer. I think somehow their gas is more potent than humanoid gas, so I don't yet think the scientists will blame us meno gals!

Do you think we've encouraged Machair about gas and bloating yet? I noticed she hasn't come back on since we all got sharing our f**t stories.

Shel

Hey Shel

It's probably been 30 years since I've done that.....and I didn't do it naked

Might be something I want to show my grandkids. I can hear them now.....grandma showed us how to light our f**ts

Take care
Gastronomically Yours!!

hey shellbelle;

You're right! Machair has only ever posted once and created this topic. Little did she know what she was encouraging with her post.

3P..now now, I Didnt say that hadnt ever happened to me, Im just Not gonna admit it! (huh?) anyways there can only be 1 3P!



Lindery.....LMAO!

Heh, we adopted a little taco bell dog 4 years ago, when ever he f**ted, he would take off running...and then look at his behind, but the real funny thing is now, he doesnt run except when one of us do!!!! Then he'll stop and stare at the one who "cut it" as if, Im not gonna get blamed for this one, amn, what did YOU eat?!!!

We have been trying to film it, but havent succeeded yet....I think Im just gonna have to leave the cam in the livingroom all the time.

You ladies are hilarious. I laughed reading all your posts.

Tots, I have my first grandchild on the way - due in January. I won't have to show him how to light f**ts. My son will definitely have that one covered - much to the dismay of my sweet DIL. She is much more on the prim and proper side. However, she has found out that pregnant f**ts can require those around to wear a gas mask.

My gas problem has been so bad lately one would think I was the pregnant one. I remember mine were terrible during my pregnancies. I guess it must be the hormone thing.

Maeflower

Oh, I have had such a good laugh at this topic ladies!!!! LOL!!!! I'm always up for a lively discussion on flatulance LOL!!

Here's my contribution to the topic:

www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/f**ts.htm

Had a friend that said when he'd burp "Smart f**t took the elevator"

Thanks for the laughs!!

Karen

ok, speaking of being bloated, If I even look at a piece of food I am going to explode!
I am on my period and I just ate but not alot and I am sooooooooooo fat! As I type this my top button of my pants are undone! I think I need to get into my jammie pants!
Its awful but when I wake up tomorrow I'll be back to my normal self. (thank God)

I have a small dog, a Miniature American Eskimo, who does not f**t that I have heard or smelled. He does however jump up in your lap, put one paw on each of your shoulders and then BURPS in your ear. I don't know how this got started, but he's almost 4 years old, in November, and he has done this ever since we got him at 11 weeks of age. It's a real kick. It makes me laugh every time he does it. It's sort of like a baby being burped after feeding.

Linderful

Linder, I have a mini american eskimo too!!!!!!!!! her name is tasha and shes 13 and I have never heard her f**t. Shes very prissy!!!

I have to share this..my hubby was at work once and he was in this glass office with a bunch of workers and he cut a quiet but deadly one. He got out before the smell came and walked away and when he looked back he saw them all blaming one another for the horrific smell. He laughed his ass off!!!!

SHELLYBELLY!!! Now listen, well actually go back and read your post up above..(I dont know how to do the quote thingy)... do a bit of DEEP soul searchin here now..HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU s*cked A f**t BACK IN???!!! I mean is this even physically possible? I know what "prairie doggin" is but never heard of that even being possible with a f**t!!!

Sweetheart, I tell you what, if that is a speciality in which you proudly, personally possess, then Honey, I want to shake your hand.!!!


Glad to see Mommy, junnepearl, and flower come and join us. (Did you remember to bring your own gas masks????

Im gonna hit the hay here, its been a long day..Night all, and gas ya later o/

I FORGOT!!!! gals, dont ever burp, because every time you do, you have just robbed your butt out of a f**t! <_<

DaMomma!!!!! I don't think you can actually s*ck a f**t back in. I think what I heard was that it was some sort of sphincter muscle thing that you can't help but draw some lit f**t back in. But what do I know? I have never in my life lit a f**t. So don't go giving me talent I don't posess

Now when I was a young'un I could talk in burps. That was true talent

Shel

Hi Gals...
Love the posts!!
Have you thought about lactose intolerance? I realized that was my problem about a year ago. Try giving up dairy products for acouple days and see if that squealches the wind. THere's also Lactaid, an enzyme to help digest the lactose in dairy products..there are generics of it too. And there's also lactose free milk in the grocery store.
It seems the older a person gets, the more likely they will become lactose intolerance. One more thing for us to think about in our golden years!! ha!
June

Yes lately I have felt bloated but I also have been eating apples, something I thought caused it last time.

My husband is the king of f**ts, I have never heard such tone in my life, he actually can control the sound!!!!!!!!!!

Don't Light a Match,
Pat

Apples are an absolute sure-fire (no pun intended ) f**t-producing food for me. I don't eat them raw anymore and really miss them. I made apple crisp recently from apples that my daughter picked and it was soooo delicious! Trouble is the house needed fumigating after eating any of it

If I want to eat anything from apples, I guess I have to double my Beano dose before indulging!

Interesting thought about lactose intolerance. I never thought I could have that, as I never have. And my diet includes cottage cheese and regular cheese, so I don't know if I could ever go without it. Maybe I'll at least try the lactaid and see if that's the culprit.

Thanks for the info!

Shel

June_ berry...now now, we dont say "wind" in this forum..its f**t! yes, it is very proper in here to say the f-word...heh

I dont believe Ill quit drinkin my milk and eatting my cheese..because I dont want to f**t anymore


WOAH Nelly! apples?! MooooOOOooooohaha..im gonna see if theyd do that 4me!

ShellyBelly...oh boy! You DaQueen! I could never do that because it hurted my throat too bad..but I CAN make myself *BLUUUUURP* on Demand...

Now I see how certain Certain Discussions just slow down and die a natural death. I suppose you could say that they "Run out of GAS." Tee Hee !

Linderful

Lindy...lol..no pun intended eh?!!!! LMAO...... (biy at this rate, maybe I lose some lbs on my arse, if I keep laughing it off...

Darn, I was enjoying this thread! I finally come out of the closet about f**ting, and now the wind is knocked out of my sails...

...though it continues to be knocked out of my tail