I have so many things I am dealing with right now that my mood has reached rock bottom. I just found it so hard to keep up with my fluctuating mood and battled on regardless. I hoped that I would be able to sort this out myself but with all the problems I am dealing with, I really cant do this anymore.


I am still dealing with the loss of my father who died a year ago. The will has gone to probate and I have to go to court to testify against his wife (who he married 11 weeks before he died), and who is contesting the will. I tried to explain to my brother and sister that I was suffering with the effects of depression and that I did not want to go ahead. They made me feel very guilty and pressured me to continue with it anyway. Its a very long story and a complicated one. Then, this year, unfortunately my 17 year old son got into trouble with the police. It wasnt his fault, but he still had to be arrested by the CID and cautioned and taken into police custody. We attended two court cases and he was found not guilty. I know this will sound petty but my neighbours are now pressuring me to cut down my conifers in the garden because they are too high. I would cut them down but, I dont have the money to do it at this time. So, I face prosecution and a fine if I dont comply to their demands.

The reason why I have told you al this, is because I am wondering if I should be dealing with this and am I just making a fuss about nothing. I just cant seem to deal with anything thses days. I cry a lot, feel so alone and isolated and wonder how I can get out of this mess I am in. I feel so out of control with my thoughts-thats what scares me the most.

Anyway, I took my anti-depressant today and I hope it helps me.

Its nice to be able to vent here.

Thanks

Gez

Good Morning Gez,

I think during peri/meno every feeling and emotion is escalated. We don't do this intentionally I just think the hormones play havoc with our nervous systems. Like you I suffered loss (both of my Grandparents who were like my parents) in Feb. then in May of this year. My peri symptoms hit hard at the same time (Feb). I tried to cope on my own for quite a few months and on top of everything else I couldn't sleep. I was a basket case. I was anxious about my health. My body was twitching and sore and I was depressed and exhausted. I couldn't even think anymore let alone figure out how to continue to function at work or cope with the problems in my life. My husband was also diagnosed with a chronic illness and I have a family member that is struggling with alcohol. I have always been the rock and everyone needed me and I couldn't even be there for myself.

I think you are justified in not wanting to deal with these things a this time. It really is a struggle....but I also found that life won't stop even if you need and deserve the break. I had to go onto an AD and it has helped tremendously. I don't know what your relationship with your neighbor is like, from you e-mail it doesn't seem to be too friendly. I would have suggested explaining your money situation to them and letting them know that you would comply as soon as you are financially able.

Your siblings don't understand just how miserable you are feeling right now. I think the depression that comes with peri/meno is a bit different in that you feel really hopeless and it's not something anyone else can understand unless they experience it. I doubt that they are trying to be inconsiderate but I'm sure they are anxious to get the court thing over with especially if there is any financial issues. They probably don't want to loose whatever your father wanted them to have and rightly so. Just keep in mind they don't understand where you are at mentally and physically right now.

Kids....well...even the best of them have their moments. It's never easy to be a parent, but well worth it and rewarding.

Take it one day at a time, minute by minute, step by step. I hope the AD kicks in and helps you soon. In the interim don't hesitate to not do anything you absolutely don't have to.....and don't feel guilty about it.

My thoughts will be with you....

TeeJay

I would have taken one too!

Though I know it's not what you need at the moment I would go to court and testify, if only for your Mum and Dad's sake. It's what they worked for and why should she cream it all. If you don't at least try you will regret it later when you are back to feeling your old self. If you need to take something to help you then do so.

Sorry to hear about your son and glad everything is OK.

Why don't you tell your neighbours you can't afford it but if they want to cut down the conifers to a reasonable height, they are welcome to do so?

You don't need this now, do you?

Hi Gez;

You left a lovely post for me, thank you;

In regards to your AD's, once in a while won't cut it. You need to take your meds as prescribed, for them to have any beneficial effect. When I first started taking AD's, I fought it too. I thought i was being brave by toughing it out. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. Those thoughts were part of the "Twisted Thinking" which comes from depression. I decided that I would look at my depression as one looks at Diabetes. {Little did I know that 10 years later I would be diagnosed with Diabetes.} Just like with Diabetes, If I did not take my AD meds, I would get sick. It worked for a long time. Later on, just too many things happened in my life which knocked down to the ground, And I am still struggling to get up.

I have mentioned in a previous post in a different forum, about hospitalization for depression and I still maintain that it is a safe haven. My Psychiatrist told me that the reason I was there was to block out all external stimulae and to focus on myself only. They would look after me while I Rebooted and my family were quite capable of taking care of themselves.

And I Agree with Alice3 about your neighbours and your conifers. Give them access to trim your conifers down to a reasonable height without doing a Hack Job on them. Rather than arguing with them, tell them that you would love to have their input on what would be an attractive display for them while retaining the esoteric quality for you.

I don't know if any of this helps, but I hope so.

Linda
Linderful

Gez............I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. If it is any comfort, we are all at the age that we have either dealt with or will have to deal with the death of our parents and it is no easy task. To throw on top of that the legal ramifications of no will or living trust and then to have it contested, well no wonder you are so depressed.

I totally understand your feeling like you just don't have the strength to deal with going to court. In our heads we know that we "need" to do something in order to get things settled and worked out but our depression/anxiety tell us that we just can't deal with it. Not now anyway.

If you decide to go to court you will probably do fine but you will need to be prepared to take care of yourself afterwards. I can only speak for me but there are times when I feel that if one more demand is made on me I will crumble. Up to this point I have been able to dig deep and find the strength to get through it but after it is over I am so wasted and my meno symptoms including the depression and anxiety take a nose dive and I feel just horrible for a few weeks. During this period you have to take care of "YOU" and take the AD and give them the chance to work.

We are there for you...Please know that!

Good Morning Gez;

I have not seen any posts from you in the last little while. Are you OK?

Thinking about you!

Linda
Linderful

Hi Linda and to all that replied to my post.


Linda-I'm ok I guess, but just struggling and I cant even write a full post. I have so much to get off my chest here so I'll write in the next day or so. I feel like I need to just get everything out of my system as far as my problems are concerned. I'm tired of bowing down to the people who dont care about me so be prepared for a long post.

Thanks for thinking of me.

(((Hugz)))

Gez

I meant to say..thank you all for thinking of me, inlcuding you Linda. I love you girls.

Good Morning Gez;

Glad to hear that you are trying to put things in perspective.

I find that when I am overwhelmed by numerous issues, it helps to get out a bunch of index cards and assign one card for each problem. Prioritize the cards from "immediate need" down to "can wait awhile". As you are writing out the cards, you will find that you can focus on each problem, one at a time. Read them over from time to time and add or delete points as they occur to you. You can add contact phone numbers and names as they come up.

Regarding your Son and his problems with the Police;

I believe that in the UK that tolerance has become a thing of the past after the Subway bombings. A smaller infraction which would have brought a slap on the wrist in days gone by will now bring closer, harsher scrutiny. He is still young enough to learn. I realize that you said it was a mistake but with the police erring on the side of caution, there appears to be less room for youthful pranks.
"Forgive me if I am speaking out of turn." I have a 14 year old son and am concerned that the sillyness which was part of growing up for me will no longer be tolerated. The schools have ZERO tolerance for many activities which can lead to suspensions and expulsion.

Regarding Probate;

Your parents worked their entire lives to ensure that you and your siblings had a fair quality of life. My father is 85 years old and is frugal with himself to the point of being miserly. He advised my 52 year old sister the other day that his frugality is not for himself but for we, his children. He wants to make sure that we have some comfort in life after his death. If your father had meant for his new wife to have a share of his estate, he would have done something about it when they married. I might consider looking for a pre-nuptual agreement which she does not want any one to know about as it would state that his estate was to be divided among his offspring born to him and his first wife, your mother. Another thing which I have seen done, is that the estate be put "in Trust" for his children with an income being paid to the 2nd wife from interest, from the estate for a specific length of time with the assets in the estate never being accessable to the 2nd wife.

AD's

Take them as prescribed as I mentioned in an earlier post. They won't work properly if you decide to self medicate at your own discretion.


Hope I didn't stick my nose in where it does not belong, but even if I did,
"OH WELL?" tough noogies.

Wish you well.

Linda Linderful