Day three of bh vacation and I am ready to explode. Hurry to get dressed in the morning and do not want to go to bed at night. Tired of playing the sex game. Its not that I don't have any sex drive at all. But what I do have he is driving away. He starts as soon as he gets up and continues until he is snoring at night. I stay in my recliner at night hoping I will hear him snoring and then finally I can go to bed to sleep. Hoping I will not wake him. To me love making is something you both should want and not something to push on the other person. Don't get me wrong I think it is great that he wants to be with me in that way. But lately I yearn for late night tv and the quietness that night brings. Then too it is not something that we do just once a week, or once a month. This is everyday at least once, usually twice. I feel like a punching bag. No matter how much I try to explain to him he does not listen. I yearn for my period. To have 5 days of being left alone. I want to be able to decide when I want to have sex. I don't want him groping me while I am eating or when I am finally watching a tv show that I finally got a chance to set down and watch. I want to take my own shower and relax in the warm spray of the water. I constantly feel that I am being forced and I am ready to scream! Last night he went to bed and kept coming out and saying aren't you coming to bed to sleep with me. Not if I can help it!

OMG! I'd go crazy. Have you slapped his hands & told him you need a break? Of course I'm kidding, but have you explained to him how you feel? That you love him, but..... ???

I agree, this would drive me nuts.

Is he, like, 20 years old???!


You poor thing!

_bhood

Sounds (from some of your other posts that I have read) you are not having a good time in your relationship right now.

I love making love ... but there needs to be some communication between the two of you. He needs to know what makes you happy and what doesn’t.

Barb

My goodness bhood...I feel so bad for you .... He needs to know how you feel ...you already resent him for being in your bed...it won't be long before you resent him being part of your life... He needs to respect and love you without pawing you everyday of the week. Boy oh Boy that upsets me.
Blessings,
Stacy

Bhood This is the way I used to feel with my EX husband although I
loved him very much for 25 years he finally drove me away with all his continual groping and insistance on sex. It's SUCH a turn-off. Now I am married again since 2 years and my new husband would never insist on sex if he wasn't CERTAIN that I wanted it too. Bye the way, that's not all it's cracked up to be either, since perimenopause my sex drive has increased drastically and I'm not good at asking for sex (he doesn't understand body language!!!) so really we all have our own crossed to bear. They tell me that when I get to full menopause then I won't have much desire anymore - then I'll be glad of him won't I?? HOPE so!!!

My hubby used to grope and nag and whine for sex all the time......but then i did that to him for awhile(not that i really wanted sex,just wanted to show him how it felt)and it has helped.I groped and was all over him at the most inappropriate times,like when he was talking to his mother on the phone,when he just got home from work and was tired,when he was trying to watch t.v.,etc.....sometimes telling them or trying to explain doesn't help and you gotta give them a taste of their own medicine.

I had a boyfriend years ago when I was between husbands, who used sex as a way to control. He was insecure and sex was the only way he felt powerful, so he was constantly at me. I put up with it as long as I felt I needed him, which wasn't long! What a control freak he was. Sounds like your guy is the same way. Someone who truly loves you and cares about you would not impose himself on you this way all the time. You deserve your quiet time and your tv viewing at your own schedule. Don't let him call all the shots.

Don't feel guilty about being good to yourself. You deserve it!

Shel

Bhood,

I just read your post. I really feel for you. I once had a boyfriend like that but that was a long time ago and we were very young then too. Needless to say, our relationship didn't last long. I agree with Shel, in some men, it is mainly insecurity that causes it. What's up with him? Has he always been like this or is it a recent thing?

Bhood..

I'll take your guy for about a week

My hubby is so not-there anymore.

He had major back surgery 18 months ago and I think we have made love 4 times since then..... I would feel sorry for him, but he feels good enough to swim every day, work out at the gym, travel and do chores....everything but sex. It's caused a bit of a rift....it's like we are roommates.

At first I thought it was because I had gained so much weight.... but he has gained about the same amount since his back surgery.

So sorry to hear all the mismatches going on. It's so frustrating on either side of that fence, and I've been on both. I'm sure this is not a novel idea for you, but are there other ways you can make him happy more, uh, quickly and easily? Sometimes it seems that if a man knows he can get some satisfaction it takes the pressure off both of you to have a lengthy involved time. Works for me in my new pathetic nonsexual state (although my testosterone cream might be helping a little...at least I'm not annoyed by the thought anymore...maybe new good things are coming)
I think men get panicked sometimes if they feel rejected, which makes them yet more needy.
Hope you are working things out. What a bummer of a vacation.

Ruby, That would drive me nuts too. We went through a phase where it was all me. I was so insulted. At the time I was looking good, too. Then I decided rather impulsively to have breast augmentation (it's a long story) and that really set us both off. Not that carving your body to get your man's attention seems like a particularly good thing, but as it turned out, it was fun for us both. Then peri hit and there's a lot less fun to be had all around, boohoo.

I think that sex (love making),is a very delicate thing. We do tend to assume that men have to want us ALL the time (at least they better when we want to!!!) or we are insulted - but when we have no interest, we think that they should understand. Don't get me wrong I'm no different from any of you ladies and get FURIOUS when I'm in the mood and he doesn't catch on immediately!! - but when I actually (finally) discuss these things with my husband (when we are mad at each other and haven't been near each other for ages!!). He tells me that men don't have to want it all the time either, even when we are looking good and are stark naked!!. On the other hand he tells me that my rejection of him hurts too and that he feels wary about approaching me the next time - fearing rejection. It's a viscous circle - and not easy to break. We are all so fragile with our egos. Tell you what though, if you are in the mood, forget your pride and make the first move, it will do a lot of good for both of you because afterwards you feel so much closer. I am the WORST for doing this. WHY should it be so hard to admit desire to your own husband??!!! Well What do you lot think? Am I a prude??

Giiiiiiirl , I don't know how anyone could stand having sex that often, I'm 46 and my husband and I do it about once a week, your husband sounds like a sex monster, oooooooooweeeeeeeee! Trista5 the hell raiser

Well, my husband used to grope me and want sex constantly. But, his parts don't work. Didn't then either but it did not stop him from trying. Nothing worse than trying to have sex when the parts don't work Now, that is a real turn off.

Twice a day??? Every day? Now I consider myself pretty sexual (or I used to - not sure WHAT I am now) but I probably physically couldn't do that. I'd avoid him too. You poor thing. Sheesh. At this point you'd probably prefer he have an addiction to porn or something besides you I'm sure!

Sorry I meant to respond to this post when I responded above. But I forgot to ask- do you ever get UTI's? When I was in college I had them constantly and my Dr. used to call it honeymoon cystitis. But my boyfriend and I weren't that bad - mine was caused from a "conformation flaw" as we say in the horse world! But he did tell me that too much sex often causes UTI hence the nickname. You can ask the Dr. for macrodantin to keep around and tell him you have that to ease him off. Might help? Then he wouldn't feel rejected at least and you could get some peace. Not nice to be sneaky but sounds like you could use some rest!! BTW how old is he?

you should be happy that your husband has interest in you......in most couples it is noticed that the sex appetite dies with time. i think you should make an effort otherwise this relationship will die. you must have noticed that you are not the right person for him and it will not take him time to be aware of it. if you love your husband then try to find a solution. i belive that if you do not feel like making love to someone then this means that you no more love him......

even though this thread is like a couple of years old,i wanted to respond to this statement....it's pure B.S.....just because you don't feel like making love doesn't mean you don't love the person anymore,it just means you don't feel like making love!!

Good lord, I have been there, been there, been there!!! I remember telling my ex boyfriend, "I can't have sex EVERY TIME you get a hard-on - just let this one GO!"

Luckily, I'm with a different guy now. We had gone seven months without sex (because of me) until last weekend, when I said okay after a party, knowing it would be quick and I would pass out right afterward. I just hope he doesn't think this is an open invitation for all the time now.....

You really have my sympathy.

I WOULD SUGGEST YOU START TAKING PART IN THOSE ACTIVITIES! IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS TRYING TO LOSE THE WEIGHT. MAYBE IT WOULD BE GOOD TO LOSE THE WEIGHT TOGETHER AND HE'S AFRAID TO ASK YOU. THIS HAPPENED TO ME. AT FIRST I WAS DEFENSIVE BUT NOW THAT WE ARE DOING ACTIVITIES TOGETHER- LIKE WORKING OUT- WE ARE SO MUCH HAPPIER! GET INVOLVED AND YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH MORE LIKE A COUPLE INSTEAD OF A ROOMATE.