Hi All,

Now that I've finally accepted my terminal perimenopause (no gettin' outa this one ), I'm digging deeper into why I found this diagnosis so troubling.

With perimenopause came my discovery of not being immortal. Yeah, I know, it took 'til 44? Let's just say I was a little slow in this department . For the first time I am facing the very real idea that I will age and eventually pass on. Now mind you, having anxiety most of the time does not add to much of a rational thought process so making sense of this is definitly tougher that normal.

I guess I just wanted to get everyone's thoughts on their experiences. This whole mindset is a big change for me. I don't think of it in negative terms - wouldn't change things if I did! Hope I make sense and appreciate your thoughts.

I think the way we look at and accept aging is like a lot of things in life.

Before I was married, I couldn't imagine being married, but I got married and all the things I'd worried about marriage didn't pan out, or if they did we dealt with them.

Same with kids. Before I was a mom, and during my pregnancy, I couldn't imagine what it would be like, but once the baby came, things just feel into place. Not that it was easy, but it was "natural."

I think aging sort of creeps up on us the same way. When we look at aging from the perspective of a "middle aged" person, it seems like it will be hard. But talk to the elderly and they accept the results of aging in an almost casual way. Like it's the natural place to be for them. You even mentioned in your post that you had "accepted" the peri, and like you said, what else can you do. That's the same with aging, there's no getting out of it, it's going to happen.

I am often reminded of worry and "anticipation of the worst" thinking when I read the boards. Lots of peri symptoms seem neurological in nature, and people are always worried if they have MS. I have MS, so when I get all the weirdness, I never worry if I'll get MS, so a lot of the anxiety around symptoms of peri is not there for me (this is not to say I don't have anxiety, it's just to say that I don't worry about my symptoms being a neurological disease.) I can't say having MS is natural, but it's not scary like it is if you think you might have it and you're waiting to find out if you do.

Does this make any sense?

Anyhoo, my whole point is that until we're at a certain age there is no way to anticipate how we'll feel about being that age.

Dawn what a different view to think about things.
I have also been check for MS, guess when you don't feel well you look for reasons, you want a FIXED.
I am a survivor of cancer (thyroid cancer). The word cancer just becomes a part of you.
I can remember my Mom saying she wasn't worried about dying, she had lost most her friends and older family members. Dying meant she would just be reunited with them. I find that comforting and on the other hand it makes me feel young. I don't see my friends frail or old, they are out there enjoying life. Hope I can join them soon!

Peri-meno is just so strange, I think it worries us so, because it is emotional? Is that the word I want to use?

If you look up emotion in the thesaurus; passionate, turmoil, perturbation, affection, sentiment, feeling, trepidation, agitation, overwrought, .

Kinda sums up peri

Dawn, thank you so much. i did feel all those things you mentioned but they all worked out beautifully. i think you are right the anticipation is worse than reality. when the anxiety hits i get so scared. I think practicing just taking each day and enjoying it will work best. It's the practice that is hard. I'm on NHRT but still have insomnia which causes anxiety. I wish I didn't

# Don't put off talking about caregiving issues.

# Take small bites - but not of each other. You don't have to sit down and have a whole weekend where you'll map out every possible health care situation and preference. Schedule a conversation and give yourself enough time to do it in small chunks over a long period of time.

# Take responsibility. Don't assume that your parent, sister, or child is going to bring it up. Everybody in the family needs to take some responsibility for having the conversations.

# Flex and forgive. Be flexible and be willing to think about ways you can forgive one another for things that may have happened in the past that may be getting in the way of having good family relationships in the future.

That is sure reassuring to know. I have just begun peri or should I say I probably started some years ago since I am 49 but never noticed the symptoms until the past several months.

Dawn what you said was very reassuring, because I feel sometimes like my health is slipping away and I am getting old. Well I am, I just refuse the notion though that I must feel and look old...hehe...well, it's nice to try to be positive when you feel all negative inside you.

Funny, when I talk to my Mom who is 71 she tells me I am still young, but my 25 year old son ribs me about getting old. This inbetween young and old, mid-life is really so surreal.

I am blessed I still look young, but inside, everyday it bothers me that in another six months I will be 50. It is not so terrible growing older, it is just I feel like I have to find my way in a society that says you must look young, be fit, be healthy, and NOT GROW OLD...or adleast not look like you are. Some double standard...LOL...sure hard to live up to and definately more hard to attain in REAL LIFE.

Does this make sense to anyone...sorry for the rambling, sort of down, and feel like everything is changing and I have no control anymore.

It is not so terrible growing older, it is just I feel like I have to find my way in a society that says you must look young, be fit, be healthy, and NOT GROW OLD...or adleast not look like you are. Some double standard...LOL...sure hard to live up to and definately more hard to attain in REAL LIFE.



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When ever you hate the thought of getting older and aging...all you have to do is think of the alternative...DEATH...that is the only thing that stops the aging process.
I think we all have had those thoughts at some time or another,so your not alone in your thoughts, but then you realize its age or die and you get over it quick! LOL

Peace
AA

AA ............... I LUVYA girl ........ ROFLMHO ...... xxxxxxxxxx

Julie x

AA...good one...

yeah, the minute we were born we started the dying process... as we get older, most are getting closer to the enevitable <_<

I must say that I wish that I could say that it doesn't bother me. But because I am single I am freaking out about it. I was never vain. I always considered my self cute, now I constantly wonder who on earth is going to find me attractive. I used to have long hair up until November of last year and it fell out and refused to grow back in correctly. Since that time I have tried everything....every potion, bad weaves, and now wigs that I just don't like wearing... But the problem is the front of my hair, the hairline won't grow in about two inches right in the front! What is a girl to do with that look...it is not attractive. On top of that I don't go anywhere so who is there to meet. My cousins and family say I still look young at 45 (people have always thought I was 5 years younger than I was), especially with the wigs that I wear, but aging is a difficult pill for me to swallow. I guess because I've spent the last 5-6 years of my life battling this...trying to survive this... I don't think any man would be able to handle it...particularly anyone that I'm dating...

I used to not wear makeup, now there is no way that I would every go anywhere without makeup... I scare myself when I wake up in the morning lol... I little goes a very long way lol... My cousin who sees me when he comes over to fix things said, boy that makeup job is good lol... I just laughed and thought to myself that it isn't that extensive....it probably takes 2-3 minutes...foundation, consealer, liner, mascara, blush, and lip gloss...the fountain of youth LOL!!!

hmm.. i'm looking at my 53rd birthday in just 9 days..... looking at all the white hairs in my long blonde hair, noting the slightly receding hairline on both sides.. seeing the creases and lines that never used to be around my eyes and mouth.. not liking my neck at all! knowing my figure is shot and there isn't anything i can do about it - well, surgery maybe, but i don't want to go there.. feeling all the new aches and pains each morning as i put my shoes on to go walking.. making healthy choices in the supermarket!


but you know what? AA is so right!

"every day above ground is a good one"

and i won't give in, give up, or give over till the day i can't do anything else...

Part of the reason I'm having such a difficult time with getting older is because I FEEL SO ROTTEN so much of the time!!!!! Otherwise, I would probably think about it on the few occassions when I look in the mirror, and then go on taking care of business. I just turned 49, everybody tells me I look 40, but I feel 95.

Mocca you are so right...if I didn't feel 100, then I wouldn't think about it either...lol...

I'm not making light of a serious subject I just couldn't find the exact right place to post this. I found a way to temporarily turn back time! We went to a free concert the other night and the band was one that I loved in my twenties. They were playing on the beach and they drew a large crowd of "older" people with their kids. All I had to do was close my eyes and I was transported back. This was the first time in a long time that I felt so good. My Hubby even danced with me! I'm going to buy some CDs of that great time in my life and "transport" back when ever I want. Hope some of you find the same pleasure as I did.

Hi Girls,

I have had an awful time getting used to aging since the day I turned 30 (I am now 42). All through my 30's I felt I was getting old and actually felt quite depressed about it. Now that I have turned 40, I look back on my 30's and realise it's not that old at all! However, now I am even more fed up discovering I am going through peri when I thought I had another 10 years to go before any of that. So I do feel even older now and my life is zooming past. The words "middle age" ring so true since women live to an average age of 80. Oh, why can't I be more positive?

I think that I have found the years since my fortieth birthday the hardest. Not just because of getting older but due to a few problems in my personal life and the whole peri issue.

Now I'm looking ahead to fifty (I'm now 47) I feel that almost the whole decade has in a sense been wasted through worrying about all sorts of things.

I do have a sense of regret but I suppose some of that is the depression that comes with peri.

I have to say that I am trying to view things more positively now and was told the other day that "it is better to grow old than to die young".

This is a difficult time for all of us but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs

Janeyxxx

Great motto Janey! I will try & bear that one in mind!