Hi Rosie,
I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with your mother's recent death. My sympathies to you.
Regarding Effexor - it is one of several SSRI antidepressants. I work in the mental health field and also take antidepressants for my major depression. Just like most medications, Effexor can affect different people differently in terms of effectiveness and side effects. Antidepressants usually take a few weeks to reach full effect, so you have to be patient unless you're experiencing intolerable side effects. If Effexor isn't right for you, you'll know it and can ask for a different antidepressant. I take Zoloft with good success and no real side effects other than constipation. Sometimes the doctors get it right on the first try - other times they don't. It isn't an exact science. Just out of curiosity, is your doctor a psychiatrist?
In terms of night sweats, it's the same trial and error process. I had great success with bioidentical estrogen and progesterone; others have found different solutions.
Hang in there - at 52 you're probably close to the end of the worst.
Cesca