I ama a married man, mid 40's, deeply in love and married to a wonderful lady, Tracey, also mid 40's. I am convinced she feels the same to me.

We have been together for 13 wonderful years. I know everybody thinks they are happy, but I truly believe we have a special relationship.

During the last few months Tracey has become more and more irratible and angry. The anger always stemmed fromminor things and were ludicrous when looked at afterwards.

After seeking help Tracey was told she was pre menopausal, and as she was suffering from a lot of pain advised that a hysterectomy was the best course. This is due in a few months time.

I am at the end of my tether. The outburst are happening more and more frequently. Because of the effect on my energy levels I struggle to back away more and more and I am becoming terrorfied that at some point things will go to far ending our marriage.

I have always been supportive, and always will be, but cannot find anyway of managing to make the situation workable. I know that this is hormonal and not my real wife speaking, but it is hard to take when the person that means more than life to you is being so nasty and vindictive to you.

I am at the point of just giving up and saying I cannot do this anymore. I am hoping for any practical/personal experience on what worked for you or people you know. I am willing to try anything that I have not already.

Believe me when I say there has been no change in me, this is definitely hormonal. I am no control freak, Tracey has achieved a lot in her professional career and I have always been supportive and proud of what she has done.

Pease believe me when I say she is the most precious and important thing in my life and I will do anything to help her get through this, so that we can once again look to the future with confidence. I want to put that smile back on her face, and if I can start to get more sleep myself that will be a bonus.

YOUR HELP WILL BE GRATEFULLY APPRECIATED FROM A SUPPOSEDLEY INTELLIGENT MAN WHO FEELS LIKE THE MOST STUPID PERSON IN THE WORLD.

I'm sure you will get lots of feedback, but I feel so sorry for the man in my life, haveing to deal with me. I am the same way you described your wife. The anger came on very sudden for me. We were deeply in love and very close then wamm everything he did irritated me. It was hard to talk to him about it because it was hard for him to not take it personal. I had him read this board. I am feeling better some days now. My doctor put me on prozac to start with because this can trigger depression and the irritability can be from that. My man is very supportive also. But that even irritated me. The best thing he could do was to leave me alone and give me space. We talk about it alot and it helps to be reassured that he still loves me. I really feel guilty for my moods and he knows that. I try to tell him I still love him and I hate feeling like this. It is hell for both of us. I do think the antidepressents are helping already though. I have only been on them 4 days now. I am still waiting to see if I can get hormone repacement therapy. My doctor reassured me that I dont have to live like this and there is help. hang in there... its something your wife cant help ask her what you can do, I hope she goes to this board it helped me....

My husband has also been at the boot end for a couple of years. Though things have much improved and I occasionally have my "moments"! It's wrong that you are so mean to those you love the most but you can't help it. I'm sure she's really polite to those she deals with professionally but lets it all spew out (which sums it to a T) when she gets home.

Is she frightened about her op? Sometimes fear makes me irritable and nasty.

If you can just tell her calmly that you won't listen to it. You know she doesn't mean it and leave the room. You'll probably then find it all comes out in floods of tears!

It's just a horrible time for everyone!

Hi Chris,

My Aunt had a hysterectomy some time ago for a miserable peri- She finally said forget it I want this over with.
I am now going through peri myself and I know anger is a big problem for me. When I read your post I thougth of my husband who says he can't seem to do anything right anymore. He is such a gentle man and giving and caring, but yet I am increasingly aggitated wiht him and very annoyed over small stuff he does and I will throw in my children here because they get a good dose me it too.
I say things that I don't mean, but there they are coming out of my mouth..stuff I can't beleive I say.I certainly am not using peri-meno to justify my actions because I really dislike myself right now.
My husband actually left yesterday because I said things once again I would never want him saying to me. Yes we can really hurt those closest to us. My husband is somewhat my "safe zone" where I feel I can spill out my frustrations, however there is no excuse for making him feel less than who he is. He did come home later that night and just said why am I such a bad person. I can't beleive we can do so much damage with just a couple of words.
There is intense frustration for me as well as i'm sure for your wife. Our bodies have rebelled and have become unpredictable, sucking the joy out of everyday pleasures, as we wonder ig we will ever feel "normal" or adjust to the changes.

Also anger is an easier emotion to deal wiht in comparison to fear or sadness, loss and disapointment. I have no doubt there is a level of fear over the surgery. I personally feel like I am losing my youth and need to adjust to this and it is scary for me. Women feel so many different things at this time that bring on sadness, loss, fear and so on...

I encourage you to hang on and see the woman you love beneath all the anger and frustration. She is there...wiht time and adjusting I believe you and your wife as well as my husband and I can see light throught the darkness.

I took this passage from Jacquie post in An Open Menopause Journal, it was intended for daughters but feel it shall also apply for husbands...

Watch over her tenderly, wait upon her patiently, and wait FOR her hopefully. For HER REAL SELF WILL RETURN WHEN THE CLIMACTERIC HAS PASSED.
My husband told me he really took that message to heart. I know it's hard but just be there when she needs you and give her space when she doesn't!