Hi,

I'm new here and very glad I found this wonderful place. Wow!!

I have been married 26 years to the most handsome and sexiest man in the entire world (sorry, ladies - I got him! LOL). We have always had a very very passionate sex life. We have a great relationship. We've even maintained a great sex life through seasons of sorrow, anger, pain, and stress.

Suddenly - and I do mean suddenly - I find myself unable to have an orgasm. This comes from a woman who is used to easily having 2 to 3 per "session"! Suddenly, I can't even have one orgasm. I know I'm in menopause - I just turned 45 and I've been "peri" for about 8 years. My periods are whacky, I have night sweats, etc. -

So ladies, I'm worried. This is one thing that keeps my husband and I so connected way down deep in spirit. What will I do with the loss of such a gift? How can I tell him without making him feel like something is wrong in there or in my heart?

I see a new gynecologist end of June - I'm ready to get some help. This has been going on for 2 months. I know that's not much to many of you who have struggled hard in this area and I'm sorry you have such troubles. But this is definitely affecting me.

Thanks and God bless, Kath

Hi Kath,

Welcome to Power-Surge, and I hope you'll get some good advice here.

I have a couple of thoughts on this. First, are you on an anti-depressant? This can cause inability to have an orgasm (unfortunately).

Also, it's possible your pelvic floor muscles are spasming - this could cause the same kind of problem. The muscles "down there" that control urine flow, etc., can sometimes get out of whack.

It's good that you are going to see a gynocologist soon - I would mention this to him/her, and hopefully they'll be able to help you out.

Take good care - sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your husband.


Jacquie

Thanks for the quick reply.

I am not on any anti-depressants and I really think that this sudden loss of desire is related to menopause but I could be wrong. I just want to know what's going on because I feel so guilty this way which is not helping things!! I feel like I'm causing a "kink" in our relationship.

Kath

Sorry to be so blunt, but can you give yourself an orgasm?? Maybe you just require more time now???

I would definitely discuss it with your husband. He may not realize how much these hormonal changes affect our sex drive. I've written it before, but my husband (of 21 yrs) was feeling like I didn't love him anymore but after I told him how I felt & what was going on, he says he can deal with anything if I just keep him informed. Maybe try more time in foreplay & more variations in the ways in which you climax. Definitely worth working for, huh?

Glad you're here & I hope the best for you.

Thanks again for your support here. You know, I really do think it is hormonal. And, yes, I think I could give myself an orgasm if I tried. I just think that it is menopause doing this. Making love has always been a big part of our relationship - sort of the glue that always holds us close despite "life", you know? And, I have never had any problems in this department until now - well, the first "failure" freaked me out so bad that I started worrying about it every time we made love. So now I think part of it is just a mind game for me. But I also think it all began because of menopause.

Yeah, I think the mind plays as much of a role as the hormones.