In my lifetime it has always been hard for me to have orgasm while having sex but I always had the drive to want to have sex. Well this month after my very short period of three days I find myself having no interest and no orgasms. My better half has had sex with me every day since then and I decided that last night enough was enough. I just did not want to be touched. I love this man with all of my heart but feel like when I go to bed I am being backed into a corner. My breast are not mine they are his to fondle anytime he feels like. oNe of the things that was a big attraction for me with him was his openness in the sex department but now I find it a pain. He is constantly after me like he is in heat which I feel should make me feel good but I just want to be left alone. This weekend was stressful for me as we had my stepdaughter and at the age I am and the emotional place I am in sometimes its just too much. ITs the dalmation in my rear from the time I wake or walk in the door. We have a very small home 800 square feet and no where to hide! The dog will not leave me alone, my man will not leave me alone and then I have my stepdaughter who is 11 too. Barb will you get me a glass of milk, barb will you fix me eggs, barb will you get me my socks and I feel like saying I am not your maid. Then too what reaction did I get from him this morning because I did not want him pawing me and I wanted to sleep after going to bed at 2am finally was you dont love me anymore or want me sexually anymore and them he pouts all day long and I am made to feel like a leper for mistreating him. Then there is also the cartoons blaring away as soon as i get up so loud you can not hear yourself think. I truly believe that she is death and realize she is almost 12 so she can get her own milk. I raised two of my own who are 20 and 22 but they think that I cater to her to much, all I know is its all wearing me out. As soon as I get up on the weekend they think ok its eggs and a pound of bacon for breakfast that was yesterday and when I did not do it this morning she was asking her dad if he wanted her to fix eggs and all I am thinking is yes and then you will leave a huge mess in the kitchen for me to clean up so its easier for me to do it. I use to get up on the weekends get my own cereal when I was a kid. I am 44 going on 45 and feel like I am bone tired. Is there any relief out there. I know I am putting on weight which I can not deal with and I try and try to not eat but its the only thing I look forward to.

Whew, Barb, you've got a lot going on. I'm exhausted just reading this!

Your family is certainly capable of getting things for themselves. At 12, your step-daughter can get herself some cereal for breakfast, or be taught to make herself some eggs. The best thing for this young girl, for whom it can't be easy going back-and-forth between 2 households, would be for her to take care of what she can, so that there's time for you guys to do something fun as a family. You can't become close to her if you're feeling resentful.

With your hub, you have every right not to want sex every night. Personally, I shudder at the thought, as my libido has headed south with peri-menopause. I can understand that he might see this as rejection, and the best thing is to reassure him that because you're not in the mood for sex, doesn't mean you don't care about him. And there's part of me that thinks: let him pout, LOL. Sex can't be good if both people don't want to play, so to speak.

It's healthy to let other grown members of the household know you're not the maid. It will do you no good if you become completely overwhelmed.

I feel for you - your home sounds hectic and crowded right now. Is there a little nook anywhere where you can go for a breather once in awhile?

Hang in there,

Jacquie

Barb- You should try testestrone cream! I had suddenly completely lost my ability to have an orgasim 5 years into menopause. I tried everything. and nothing would happen. So Finally I asked no BEGGED my gyn to give me the cream. Well 3 weeks after a daily application BINGO! My gyn suggested to rub a small amount of the cream into the clitoris, however, rubbing into your upper thighs works too. But it does take about 3 weeks for it to kick in. Ask for a PRE testrone blood test level and I would guess your level is low or low normal. It happens in menopause but male doctors do not seem to test for it!

Barb- You should try testestrone cream! I had suddenly completely lost my ability to have an orgasim 5 years into menopause. I tried everything. and nothing would happen. So Finally I asked no BEGGED my gyn to give me the cream. Well 3 weeks after a daily application BINGO! My gyn suggested to rub a small amount of the cream into the clitoris, however, rubbing into your upper thighs works too. But it does take about 3 weeks for it to kick in. Ask for a PRE testrone blood test level and I would guess your level is low or low normal. It happens in menopause but male doctors do not seem to test for it!

What about the pills that I see advertised for loss of sexual desire? I do not have much sexual desire left at this point...and my husband....God bless him! He has been so patient with me over the past 3 years! He never pushes me for sex..and I don't even approach him anymore for making love..it's terrible! But if he insisits I give in...but it really does not feel that good. If I didn't have to have sex for the rest of my life....I'd be happy...that's what I say to myself.

Any thoughts on this????

Rita

All I can say is that I could have written this. I've been interested in those pills and wonder if they work at all. I don't worry about me, its just my husband. He wants to please me, but it takes so long to get there and I'm exhausted and just don't care anymore. I wish that I did.

You'll want to attend the chat this Thursday, March 10th at 9 PM, ET, with clinical psychologist and sex therapist, SANDRA PERTOT, PH.D., author of an excellent new book -- Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido

I've recently put up two articles by Dr. Pertot, plus another article in the Educate Your Body Library which should be of interest to anyone frequenting this forum.

• Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido by Dr. Sandra Pertot
• The Illusion of Sexual Individuality by Dr. Sandra Pertot
  

  . . . and two other articles that have been in the Educate Your Body Library for some time.
  

• Midlife Sexuality, Relationships / Vaginal Dryness
• Boosing Libido

I'm sure you'll find these very informative and helpful.

Best,
Dearest

You'll want to attend the chat this Thursday, May 10th at 9 PM, ET, with clinical psychologist and sex therapist, SANDRA PERTOT, PH.D., author of an excellent new book -- Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido


Did you mean to say March 10th????? Or do you really mean May 10th???

Just checking...I don't want to miss anything that will help me understand Menopause better.

Thanks!

Rita

Hi Rita,

I think you're referring to Avlimil. What it is is basically vitamins. (An easy way to tell a "supplement" ad from a drug ad is that a drug ad will tell you about side effects.) The supplements do seem to work for some people. But I'm a skeptic and I know placebos (sugar pills) work great for some people too.

It sounds like you - and your husband - really are suffering with this. Please, I encourage you to surf the Web and learn from reputable sites (especially ones that aren't trying to sell you something!) and most importantly, talk to your doctor about it. If your doctor blows off your concerns, find a better doctor.

-Margo

If you are looking for a supplement that may boost your libido, I can tell you that for me and for 2 other women who have tried it, Femarelle has worked. I noticed relief from hot flashes ect after about 5 days, but after 1 month at the higher dose (2 capsules a day) there was definitely an improvement in that area. But you have to take 2 capsules, 1 capsule won't do it. You must also take it for about 1 month before the response kicks in. It definitely was not a placebo effect, I can tell you that. Femarelle is a tofu pill, contains no estrogen or progesterone and can be purchased over the counter. They have a web site for those of you who are interested. I must also tell you that Femarelle definitely caused water retention in my case. I also noticed an increase in breast size and sensitivity. Since I am trying to lose weight, I decided to get off of it; much to my husband's dismay. In fact, he's really ticked off that I stopped taking the stuff because I have had absolutley no interest ( more accurately almost a repulsion) to this type of activity for a couple of years. To quote him "I've been turned down more times than a bedspread." Which is sad but true. I try to tell him not to take it personally. My body just can't respond and the interest just isn't there. It's like a household chore to me. I do it because I have to. Maybe if I can lose this 10 pounds I'm fighting with, I may try it again. I have heard that a drug called Livial which has been marketed in Europe for some time, but our good old FDA won't release it here, causes a libido boost. The FDA is running clinical trials now, but it will probably be years before they release the stuff. You can bet if it improved a man's sex drive, it would have been cleared in a week. Since Livial is made by a European drug company, you can bet that the US drug lobby was hard at work, pushing PremPro, which was not safe, but preventing us from having other options.

Hello Friends,
After reading all your experiences with Femarelle, I wanted to share mine. I began Femarelle six months ago to try and stop severe morning headaches, always base of neck "hormonal" tension-type and throbbing, waking me up each morning - no way to start the day! Postmenopausal for several years, I had taken ERT for several years which did stop the headaches, but had worse side effects of tension, bloating and enlarged ovaries so I was looking for something new. While doing a search on morning headaches, I found the Femarelle website.

The Femarelle worked well after the first week and I was enthusiastic. My hair loss was curtailed, there was a (minor) libido increase, better lubrication, and best of all, the morning headaches were GREATLY reduced. The Femarelle website states a 75% improvement in headaches in the study group, and I'd say mine were improved about 75% also. Hot flashes and night sweats were never major for me, but there were now none. Sleep was greatly improved, I could even say the Femarelle acts almost like a sleeping pill, I consistently fall asleep within an hour of taking it, even while watching TV in the early evening.

That said, after 6 months of Femarelle (dropped from 2x/day to 1x/day after the first month) I am now extremely bloated, which is what drove me to this thread in the PowerSurge, to see if anyone else experienced this while taking Femarelle, since the Femarelle info does not report this as a side effect. The bloating is major, including my fingers, upper arms, bags under my eyes, and a defined band below the buddha belly which runs right across my bikini area. I have NEVER experienced bloating at this location, even during periods of weight gain in the past. I have no choice but to discontinue the Femarelle and see if the bloating ceases. I am on a diet which restricts salt and includes ten glasses of water each day so I should be LOSING water weight, not gaining it. I can only conclude, particularly after reading all your stories, that it is the Femarelle causing the bloat.

Isn't it a cruel irony that after taking estrogen, Femarelle, etc., at least in part to increase our libido, that after it causes so much bloating and weight gain, even if our libido is increased, who would be attracted to a a blimp?!? LOL. Or at the very least, the bloating makes you feel so nervous, anxious, and with such low self esteem from looking like a porker that you don't look or feel sexy, even if your libido is up?!?

I see a few references here to people using diuretics, but I don't want to get into that take-a-pill-to-cure-a-pill syndrome. Not to mention that diuretics can really deplete the body of essential nutrients for proper kidney function, etc. and perpetuate a viscious cycle all its own. Does anyone else here have any alternative suggestions? Soy causes bloating also, and I was doing entirely soy foods prior to the Femarelle, with very miniscule benefits.
Best wishes to and heartfelt prayers for all of you who suffer -

Thanks for sharing that Sue. I hope things get back to normal or at least the bloating goes away quickly. Let us know.

Sue,

I also experienced extreme water retention on Femarelle. After a month, I felt like BLIMP woman. You are so right, what's the use of regaining the urge when you are expanding like a balloon and look like Porky Pig. The final straw was when the elastic waist on my "fat jeans" was too tight and my waist line became indistinguishable from my hips. I went to the medical library to read the 4 publications that are listed in PubMed. I was particularly interested in the one published in "Menopause" to learn more about their 12 month clincal trial. But our medical library only had one of the journals. This tells me that their studies were probably not considered good enough for publication in a major scientific journal. I simply do not believe that the women in the 12 month trial did not experience weight gain. It is irresponsible and dishonest for the manufacturer not mention this side-effect.

I am confident that now that you are off Femarelle you will lose the weight. I did although it took a few weeks. What a disapointment. Keep us posted about how it goes.

Thanks, CindyC and Dee for the support. I'm sure that if MEN were having such issues, vs. a small group of women sharing anecdotal stories on a website (although I am certainly grateful for the forum!), there would already be a "Bloat on Femarelle" committee in Washington, D.C.!

I started thinking after my post that many of the PowerSurge stories about Femarelle ALSO mentioned dieting, most of which modern diets involve massive amounts of water intake, like the one I am doing. In fact, my bloating became MUCH worse in the past few weeks, since I started the diet and increased the water dramatically. And so I am wondering if the bloating is somehow related to the increased water intake and/or the Femarelle's action on the tissues to hold the water. For example, I read in Larrian Gillespie's book, The Menopause Diet, that the female body tries to "hold onto the estrogen" after menopause, and so I am wondering if that is why we are bloating near the female areas. She also does not advocate massive amounts of water when dieting, just four 8-oz. glasses of water per day, nine cups of fluid total (opposed to the 10 8-oz. glasses of water alone I am currently drinking, as in most diets).

I wondered if any of you were also taking in massive amounts of water and dieting when the Femarelle bloat got out of hand. In a nutshell, I am thinking I should cut back the water to the intake Gillespie recommends and see what happens before eliminating the Femarelle. I hate to give up the benefits of the Femarelle and go back to a life of a.m. headaches every day, hair falling out, etc.! I also wondered if I should go back to 2 tablets/day, maybe the bloat would stabilize. I need to be scientific in my approach (shouldn't there be SOME science here?!?) and so I am going to cut the water back first and see what happens.

Any thoughts? Peace to you all.
Sue

Any loss or reduction in male libido is generally due to stress and any other mental issue. In the market now there are many pills, capsules etc available to treat this condition. You can try any option.

Same here.