I am probably rambling but I do that a lot lately.
Oh, by the way, I didn't realize the interest section concerned the Website but I am concerned about my Golden Retrievers. I don't know if they will make it through this either.
Full Version: Anger in Perimenopause
I have been reading a lot on this Website and find the info sooo helpful. I am in perimenopause according to my doctor, myself and anyone who has come in contact with me for any length of time since about April.My anger is ridiculous. Although quite often it is justified (my husband is a slob), lately it gets out of proportion. Many times I just need to get away and there is nowhere to go (especially in our house, which is being remodeled). I woke up the other night to go to the bathroom (down the basement since the upstairs one is ripped up), turned the light on and the blasted radio comes on. My husband has the radio (usually talk radio) or TV on or is slamming the back door continuously from morning to night. Sometimes my head aches so bad, I long for a moment of silence.
Hi Introvert - sounds like you are into the fun that most of us have been going through at some time or another, but don't worry about it, ramble and vent all you want, as you can see we all do, and sometimes it helps to pound the computer instead of somebody's head :biggrin:
That was comical when you said that anyone who had come into contact with you since April knew you were in peri - just goes to show we don't even have to tell anyone do we :wink:
I was just wondering what you were taking if anything for all this hormone imbalance which is the root of all evil :wink: or are you battling it out by yourself. If you've been reading around, you may have seen on the different boards that there are loads of ways to get round all the symptoms (even lousy mood swings). Oh, and when you've got to run out - run out, take a drive, take a walk and do what you want to do - that is so important at this time - thinking of yourself, it really is :smile: I spoilt my husband and kids too much, so when they get too pretentious, I just go to the coffee shop on the corner with a book and take some air.
I think that people talk about their pets sometimes on the Nothing Board, although they mention them on all boards really,
Take care,Barbiexxxxxxx
Thanks for the response. I am now using Estrostep (BCP) that I just started last month. Dr. says that HRT would not be "strong enough" for me at this point. Last week just purchased some progesterone cream (one recommended by Dr. Lee). It seemed to give me some relief although I really don't know because the symptoms seem to ebb and flow. It might take a few months to show any great indication of improvement as I understand it.
Saturday I was a screaming maniac and always seem too tired to finish anything. Today, my "period" started because my last pill was Saturday. Usually I feel good once it starts but today I felt nauseas although it was nothing like it was last week. What is really weird is that I have major mood swings, nausea, crying jags, backaches and headaches but hardly any hot flashes. I do drink soy milk, take my vitamins and calcium (was told I was on the borderline for bone loss -- joy! joy!
At least I was in a good mood today. They are so infrequent that I revel in them when they come.
They ought to do a commercial. This is Mary's brain and show a normal functioning intelligent brain. And then ... this is Mary's brain with wildly fluctuating hormones and show one with Medusa like snakes in fury flailing from it.
Anger worse in perimenopause than in PMS. There is a reason for this. Besides all of the symptoms that we have to endure, and just when we think ok we are getting closer to post, wham!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After 9 months period comes back. We have a reason for being the way we are. Don't you think.!!!!!!!!!!! I have had it with all of these crazy symptoms. I just want to be whole again. I don't believe that is in the cards for me. Not right now anyway.
Mood swings - you betcha ya.
Rage - WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for letting me vent.
Huggsss!!!!!!!!
is then the anger less or goes away in menopause??
Hi:Introvert: I haven't heard about Estrocep, is it just estrogen? If your doctor says it isn't strong enough, maybe he can look for another alternative because you are going through a lot of symptoms. It might be an idea to post this on the HRT boards and possibly someone will see it and be able to give you some advice on that - Dr. Lee knows his stuff, so he'll probably put you on the right road and suggest something. Keep posting won't you and let us know.
Wildflowers: I reckon there are no fixed laws on this, there are those who have more symptoms in peri than they do in recent post-meno and with others it's just the opposite - so if you are going through a really difficult time now, maybe it'll let up when you're past it (meno that is :biggrin:).
You know I think there's also a physcological perspective to this, in the way that we are angry with ourselves because we are physically changing in some respects and we make too many balances - I sometimes think of the things I "should have" changed before now and I don't want it to be too late to change them - frustration and anger is a part of that. I try to think though because I know that irrational angry behaviour towards people won't get me anywhere and try to relieve the nervous tension doing something else - (not just absorbing it, because that will make me worse). I'm just writing and thinking about this at the same time :smile: not directing it to anyone in particular. I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on that.
Barbiexxxxxxxx
I was just reading the other string "Anger in Menopause" and a lot of views were expressed there I suppose, still I reckon we could carry it on here anyway :smile:
Barbiexxxxxxxxx
Hi Barbie.... Just a thought I had in regard to the anger... for myself, it seems like I am less angry than I was when I was younger. Seems like I am more accepting of myself now, for some reason. When I was younger, I was much more driven to be perfect and had alot less patience! :biggrin:
i think sometimes too as i've said before...lots of women are all cycling at different times and moments of the day/minute..so some things that you hear/see at 10am might not bother you in an hr...everyone is reacting at different times..and when theres a bunch of women all going at different speeds and times we all can react in many different ways.
Hi girls:
Thanks for your thoughts
Vickie: I think that is so positive. I wish I could propel myself into that train of thinking :smile: – still, got a few years to go to realize myself (ha-ha) and then I can reach the point where I let myself off the hook. I don’t just mean projects, it’s a whole sphere of things. I hope that is clear, it's not referring to anger really, just acceptance of who we are.
Wildflowers, That's true. Oh and you made a really good point last week when we spoke on the chat about assertiveness. etc. I think it’s great to be more assertive, because I suppose we do learn so much about ourselves at this age and that it’s time, if we haven’t done this before, to be firm about what we want.
Kisses,Barbiexxxxxx
Hi Barbie...
I don't really know how I got over my anger, but I do have a couple of hunches... one is shedding a marriage that was destroying me, and the other is coming to terms about my relationship with my mother, who was an alcoholic. Other than that, I figure I just have gotten too old to give a damn about other peoples' opinions of me more than my own. I think we are all constantly working on ourselves, realizing ourselves, until the day we die, so there is always so much to still learn. Self-actualization is such a luxury, especially in trying times, but I think we all strive to obtain it, in some way. I sure hope I make more progress in the time I have left here! :biggrin:
Vickie: Hi - Yes, I'm sure your strength and the ability to lose your anger must have come from having to face difficulties (those you are telling me here and others I read on the boards). You have a lot of spirit - that must have helped you get through those times and now, hopefully, it's much easier to find happiness when you are open to it and not angry with the world, so now you have every reason to find happiness - your positiveness will just lead you to it. :smile:
Sometimes, your posts have helped me think, I remember what you said in anxiety that support doesn't always look like support.
Nice weekend to you and everyone else here.Kisses,Barbiexxxxxxxxx
I don't know how the mood swings are in post menopause since it looks like I have to start all over again. All I can say is that after I started my period after 9 months I lost it. I just got into a terrible argument with my husband. No one seems to care what I am going through or doesn't seem to understand.
I had a good cry and then I felt a little better. It seems that I just have to let it out or I will go mad. Do you know what I mean???? Is anyone else feeling this way?
I remember my poor mother when she was going through menopause. I was 13 at the time, my brother was in Viet Nam, and she was a widow trying to make ends meet. I caught her several times crying by herself. She never talked to me about it. It was my Aunt that pulled be aside one day to explain it to me.
She was so independent. It must have been hard on her. I don't feel as strong as her though. Thank God for these boards b/c I feel so alone at times. But when I come here I see others going through similar situations. It does help.
Huggggsssss
It's so interesting you should say that about your mother, Aunt B, because now I can recall my mother's menopause. At the time, I was also a teenager and didn't have a clue what was going on with her except that she wasn't feeling well. I'd bring her cold compresses and hold them on her forehead. She never was much of a crier, but I knew she was going through a very bad time. We never discussed menopause. I wish I'd understood better then, but I did my best to try to help her. I remember her closing herself in her bedroom, listening to music a lot and isolating a great deal at the time. She's always been a very sociable person, but I do recall her friends having to drag her out of the house. She, like your mother, has always been a very independent person - even at nearly 90 today.
That's why sites like this are so important -- women need to talk about what they're going through. Let me tell you something, sites like this save people a fortune on therapy.
Dearest
Aunt B. WE CARE....my Mom is almost 83..she still gets a hot flash once in awhile....I remember her in my teen yrs. standing over a pot of soup crying and crying..menopause..she says in the "olden days" she used to take Lydia Pinkam (sp?) pills and the doctors gave her some kind of shots..vitamin one i think..my Dad who passed away over 20 yrs. ago..would hold her hand..when she was having difficult times..she told me in later years..she says although it was nice..sometimes she wanted to smack him lol...he just tried to be so understanding..my husband too trys to understand...i think men go through a type of this minus of course the periods..you know with the mood swings, tired etc..etc..please remember we DO CARE...go back and press the enter button and listen to that song!!it helps me..
Hi Barbie...
I guess I do have alot of spirit (that I have to sometimes coral, lol), and I am sure the difficulties from within my family may have strengthened my character, but I think we all have alot of spirit and strength to tap into. Besides, lol, I was required to go through alot of personal counseling as a requirement of my own master's program in counseling! :biggrin:
From your posts, I also get the feeling that you also have alot of spirit, positiveness, a willingness to look openly at many things, and to learn all you can about yourself and others, so I am sure you must be very far along the way in your quest for self-actualization! I have learned alot from you and others here, for which I am very grateful (lol, especially about tennis shoes--sheesh, I have forgotten your name for them at the moment).
I also appreciate your acknowledgement of my comment regarding support not always looking like support, and I am glad I helped you to think about that one, especially! That one can be a very tricky one to understand sometimes... I know, been there, done that, and fought it for a long time! :biggrin:
You also have a great (warm, summer!) weekend!
Hi Aunt B...
Firstly, I would like to say that I am sure it is so very terribly frustrating to get so close to that 12 month mark and get a period... I think I will do more than cry if that should happen to me. But, crying is also a sign of great strength because of the willingness to let yourself feel what it signifies. It takes much greater strength to let yourself be vulnerable than it does to try to remain stoic and let the pent up feelings churn inside of you until it kills you.
Crying is a perfectly acceptable outlet for the release of feelings, as are a number of other things that some people unwittingly consider as signs of weakness. If the feelings we have are not released somehow, they cannot ever get out, and eventually will make us ill.... physically, as well as emotionally. Further, I think that, because you are able to do this, you are every bit as strong as you consider your mother to have been.
On the subject of our mothers-- they were raised in a different time, and they did the best they could with what they had and knew... today, we are in far better times than they were, especially regarding feelings and meno. My mother used to try to hide so many things from me and my siblings, including her crying (she was also a widow, and at a very young age), and perhaps she thought she was helping to protect us. My mother is now gone, and I cannot help but feel a little slighted because I feel that if she had shared some important things with me (like her own menopause, for instance), it would help me greatly now. I do not blame her, because I know, as I said, that she did the best that she knew how, and gave what she was capable of giving, but I do feel alot of grief sometimes at what got lost along the way. I am not relating this to your mom, but your post just got me to thinking about my own mom's attempts at saving me from grief, which has had the opposite effect from what I am sure she thought it would.
Be kind to yourself, and feel good about your ability to cry when you need to. :)
As far as dealing with the anger, I suggest slamming a pillow into the bed over and over as hard as you can. If you'd like to accompany this with a scream or growling noise it will work even better. It helps tremendously. The cats and dogs run for cover, but at least this way they are not the targets.
I wish I knew about my mom's menopause. She was 37 when she had me, and I remember her saying that her doctors thought she was starting her menopause when she became pregnant. Therefore I was too young to remember what she went through. I do remember a time when my mom would be shut in the bedroom upstairs in the dark in great pain, and the doctor would come (that was back when they made housecalls) and give her a shot for the pain. I remember standing at the foot of the stairs watching my dad and doctor run up and down stairs, but I wasn't sure what was happening. (That's probably one of the things that has led to my anxiety and paranoia today.) I wonder now if her pain then was menopausal, maybe migraine headaches, but I have not had those (yet) and I hope I never do. I do get cluster headaches occasionally though.
Aunt B your post concerns me. I've been without a period now for almost 11 months, but this past week I've been feeling that heavy feeling in my pelvis and have been more tense than usual. Could the menopause gods be cruel enough to me that I would have a period after 11 months! I'm so close to that 12 months - I'm considering it my Christmas present this year. Let's just hope its one of those phantom periods.
Thanks everyone for your reply. It did feel good to cry and let it out. Of course, hubby is not too happy with me right now.
I miss my mom terribly. I wish I could hear her consoling words. Of course she was a very blunt woman. She would have had a way of telling me that would have made me angry and it would have pushed me into doing better. LOL
I will try to push myself into thinking positive again. I just need a little time to heal if you know what I mean.
Thanks and Hugggssssss:smile:
Haven't been on the message boards for some days and have missed a lot.
I talked to my dad about my mom. He said she was a "mean bean" during perimenopause. I replied that I never felt good and he said that was what she had told him. I was living in California at the time and she never mentioned any symptons (She never talked about "personal" things to anyone. ) But I remember she went to bed "for about a month" and my dad said he would take her to the hospital if she didn't get up. She got up, but I doubt she felt any better. She also had physical symptoms of anxiety and had gas pains so bad that she did go to the hospital.
While I am more inclined to seek out information regarding perimenopause (and it has helped), I also feel good one minute and lousy the next.
But I had about 8 great days where I scrambled to get everything done so I could rest more if I felt lousy. The last few days brought on that hideous backache and the fatigue. I didn't sleep very well that past few nights either. So, here we go again!!!
I have to also mention that the anger does seem to have a source. I just don't want to put up with certain things anymore. The anger got my husband to stop using the entire first floor of the house as a closet.
Hi, I wrote quite a bit on this thread, but I wanted to say like wildflowers, that yes, we do care- I think most of us know what it's like to feel vulnerable, sensitive and anxious, so that makes it easier to understand each other. I didn't see my mother go through much more than hot flashes (my dad is such an understanding person, so if she did have anxiety, he must have helped her get through it) and my mother-in-law always tells me she didn't have symptoms and I remember, she didn't!!! There's still hope - not everyone is going to feel miserable because of this all the time :smile:
Kisses, Barbiexxxxxxxxxxxx
Vickie: "trainers" - sounds a little like something a baby would use :biggrin:- but that was what I was told they were called.
As we've said so many times, every woman reacts differently to menopause. There are so many factors involved - most importantly including the state of a woman's personal life at the time she enters perimenopause. Don't think for one moment that everything isn't connected. Most of us don't lead perfect lives - lives without all sorts of emotional difficulties -- some physical issues that existed before menopause. Everything in our lives is exacerbated by menopause. It's like when people post about their marital or partner relationship suddenly going sour. I hate to make blanket statements, but I seriously doubt a good relationship with a solid foundation that has been good for years will suddenly find a menopausal woman suing for divorce. I've had men write to me about it all the time -- as though, "Wow, what's with my wife? Suddenly, our ideal marriage is ending because she's going through her changes." Sorry, my friend, but there are problems in your marriage that existed before menopause started.
The anger we experience has so many possible causes, the most significant one being the constant ebbing and flowing of hormone levels, which could drive anyone crazy. It's like having PMS 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Nobody can deal with that without feeling some anger.
The thing that frightened me was experiencing a rage I had never even known I was capable of before perimenopause. I have written about it before -- that for about a year (and it's not easy now either), I was unable to be in the same room with my father without feeling all the pent up anger come to the fore because of so many unresolved issues I've had with him since childhood. There was so much I sequestered away for so many years and once in menopause, *everything* comes to the fore - it's like the floodgates open and all our emotional demons face us head on. This isn't an unusual situation - not the exception, but most often the rule. Maybe that's why all the dreams and nightmares women complain about as well -- many of the suppressed feelings coming to the surface in our dreams. Everyone deals with her emotional issues differently, but anger and rage are very common during menopause and the best way to deal with it is to accept it, address it, find ways of coping with the anger. It can manifest itself in so many ways including gaining weight -- using comfort food to deal with issues we find overwhelming. I mean, let's face it, menopause presents so many challenging physical issues, alone, to cope with -- couple with that the mood swings, anger, anxiety and depression and it could send the most stable person into an emotional rage.
This is simply not an easy time of life!
Bette Davis once said, "Old age ain't for sissies." Wellll, go through about 10-15 years of menopause and most of us will be more than glad to get to old age because if anything ain't for sissies it's menopause.
I have no tolerance for doctors who keep telling us about how natural this process is. Whoppie do. Natural, my foot. There ain't nothing natural about this process. It can be the most gut-wrenching experience on a daily basis for years and years and I've never stood for anyone minimizing menopause. Sure, we look for ways to resolve our problems, but don't even present me with the idea that it's all in my mind, or I'm making more of it than it is because for too many women I have seen what a life-altering event menopause can be. Sure, we want to come out of this feeling better, stronger, empowered and more zestful (I'm still waiting for that Margaret Mead prophecy), but until we DO get there, many of feel like we're going to hell in a handbasket.
Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel as though you should be doing better than you are. We're all doing the best we can -- one of the most important things being "talking" about it.
As for those older women who say they went through an easy menopause, I'm very happy for them. Would it were so that we could all go through an easier menopause and would it were so that there were some magical relief to all these issues, but there isn't. It takes work, patience, self-love, understanding and learning to be a little selfish and put yourself first. Hard after years of putting everyone else first? Sure, but something you must do in order to get through this transition.
There IS light at the end of the menpausal tunnel, but it doesn't happen overnight. Just be kind to yourselves -- learn to rest -- give yourself a break. Don't expect to be the superwoman you've been for so many years.
Learn to be your own best friend.
Dearest
i'd like to comment on the anger coming out after yrs. of marriage. (on what dearest said) .i've probably read well over 100 books on peri and meno stuff..one book..don't recall the name..was on the positives of HRT replacement..it was written by a Dr. and his wife..well i wasn't interested in using hrt..but one comment came out of that book..and it has stuck with me for a very long time..it was from the Dr. to the men of women in menopause..it went something like this..Men..please remember whatever your wife is saying to you now, the anger, the resentments coming out etc..is not something NEW she has just thought up..it has been there all along, building and hiding beneath the surface..these are things that have bothered her all along and now is the time she WILL speak them...i also think this book had a religious tone to it..i've read so many from ones like this to Indian customs of sitting on moss on a mountain side naked and just letting yourself bleed into Mother Nature....so far i'm leaning towards soy....
I've had men write to me about it all the time -- as though, "Wow, what's with my wife? Suddenly, our ideal marriage is ending because she's going through her changes." Sorry, my friend, but there are problems in your marriage that existed before menopause started.
Dearest, you are so right. It is pent up anger from years ago and when we go through all of these horrible symptoms we suddenly realize or become bold enough to say "Wait a Minute." Not only w/husbands but other family members, friends, co-workers, etc.
I also have had it with these women that look down on me because I am having such a horrible time with meno and they aren't. Hurray for you!!!!!!!!!! I feel like saying, "I wish you were in my shoes right now. Lets see how you deal w/with them."
I have gotten into Tae-Bo Gold. But I am having trouble w/cooridnation here. LOL I never was a physical fighter. My son said he will show me how to box. "Let no one fool w/me then." LOL :biggrin:
Huggssss
Wow! Thanks for the chocolate "reward", Dearest 
Yummy!
Yummy!
Hi Barbie... Wouldn't it be great if we ALL could get through this like some of those lucky women?? Maybe we should get a petition started or something... :biggrin: And, thanks very much for refreshing my memory about "trainers"...it is kind of a cute term, though. :)
"I have gotten into Tae-Bo Gold. But I am having trouble w/cooridnation here. LOL I never was a physical fighter. My son said he will show me how to box. "Let no one fool w/me then." LOL"
Uh oh! I can just see the next championship boxing match coming up and the referee announces, "And here's Beryl the Boxer in this corner!" :biggrin:
Dearest
"Wow! Thanks for the chocolate "reward", Dearest "
You're very welcome, my chocolate loving friend :biggrin:
Dearest
Hey, Wildflowers... I could go for sitting on the moss on the mountain thingee... I wonder how long I could get off of work for that? :biggrin:
i remember more now of the "moss" book...the lady that wrote it (she also gives seminars all over, can' recall the name anymore) at the beginning of the book had all of the symptoms listed in the power surge site....i mean loads of symptoms..she couldn't take it anymore..so she went to a dr. and got some form of hrt..then she started doing all of the moss type stuff and going to elders etc...while still taking hrt..so she took the synthetic stuff for the body to stop the bleeding/flashes etc.. and the Indian customs for her mind.. in coming to understand her body now and acceptance etc..i don't know how long she was on the moss lol..but probably not long if she was taking hrt..a few days maybe (she was under control by then for the bleeding)..some of us would have to be up there for months....and have to have access to a lot of moss.......
I think I'd have to be there for YEARS, lol, but it might be restful. :biggrin:
Here I am again – what is it about this string???
Gosh, I hope what I said about my mother and m-in-law didn’t sound offensive and uncaring in response to anyone’s post here. I just meant it in the sense that maybe a bit of hope (not illusionary) but just hope is a good thing – knowing that not everyone goes through everything all the time and that one day we will come through it –I think that kind of hope lifts our defenses. Maybe it’s not what people want to hear right now. I didn’t mean to sound smug at all but she was fine during what were her menopausal years, I lived with her and very was very close to her. Unfortunately, now, she’s going through many serious problems, one is osteoporosis which was never diagnosed during menopause. With my mother, well yes she did have mood swings and maybe she went through more than I realized.
I know that my menopause isn’t going away for now. After 12 months of not getting a period, I got one (that was almost two years ago) but that was all, I didn’t have any pms symptoms and I didn’t feel distressed at all by it – actually just the opposite, because I didn’t want to be post-meno at 44. I didn’t seem to go through that much perimenopausal anxiety, mood swings etc. all that seems to be happening to me now!!! So, perhaps, some women are more sensitive to symptoms during peri and it will change around for them in post-meno.
I’m so grateful to have this space to come to, it’s great to put my thoughts down on words, that’s therapy in itself, synthesizing what I feel, and then, even better if there’s someone there who, unlike a therapist, knows and understands, because she’s “into” the same., I don’t feel so much anger, or maybe I suppress that and it translates itself into anxiety, so I’m looking for stress-busters :biggrin: Dearest. It is important to me what other people think (I wish I could say I didn’t care) and I try to keep control so that my relationships won’t suffer and deteriorate, I feel like I need them – and I need to laugh as well.
Aunt B, I just wanted to say that I do understand how you feel – I think it’s great that you are trying so hard to find strength - talking and venting here is just great. I find this place to be a refuge and it’s just not worth the trouble even telling all this to real-time friends who don’t or won’t understand. By the way, tell me more about Tae Bo Gold :biggrin:
I'd just love to sit on a mountainside somewhere, that would be sooo relaxing - how about a P-S retreat somewhere like that :smile: 'Scuse this long post.
Barbiexxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Barbie...
I think you sharing your mom and mother-in-law's good experiences with meno is a positive thing, and does, indeed, give hope about getting through this. I wish we all could go through meno in the same way. :) I am sorry that you seem to have delayed symptoms in post, but, as you have said, it is different for all of us, I guess. I just keep hoping that all of my symptoms in peri will not end up exascerbating later on...that it can get better, as many here have said. I do hope your symptoms get better soon, too. I could go for a PS retreat! :wink:
Vickie (hi again): - it's not too bad most of the time - at least I got away almost scott-free with the first part - Anyway, I'm looking for ways to cope so that keeps me entertained. I just thought that in my case perimenopause didn't last for very long - I went from regular to irregular in just over a year so that was pretty quick I think. I do hope so much that all this passes quickly for you too :smile: :smile:
Barbiexxxxxxxxxx
Thank you, Barbie... I don't know how this is going to end up for me, really... I have been peri for over 4 years now...seems like a never-ending thing. It's so strange how differently all of us go through this! STILL :confused:
HiIt's Thanksgiving night and I am "on the board". I just happen to click on to this particular thread because of the "enticement" on the home page. I am not feeling exactly angry right now but about 6 months ago I went through a pretty rageful couple of months.I was so angry I was actually wrestling in my mind about whether my 29 year relationship with my husband, was all for naught.(not). I wondered if all the things we had been through ( relationship growth , money worries, mistakes in financial risks, sharing in the upbringing of our children etc )equaled my staying with him for another 30-40 years. I started blaming him ( in my mind) for all the mistakes and set backs we had over the years. I was being pretty rude to himand was tentatively thinking of a seperation. I imagined him out of my life....I wrote my feelings out in a journal....what a pain in the behind he was etc.After a while I came to the conclusion that this was perimenopausal anger. I could leave him and feel righteous or stop to figure out another alternative.I chose to accept the fact that I was angry for many things and finally blurted it out why I was feeling the way I was towards him.( we have always been able to communicate) but for some reason I wanted to hold onto my anger. I wanted to covet it like it was my own little "ball of pain". Sort of like holding onto a stash of your favorite candy cupped in your hands.This is mine....allll mine.NOW , after awhile also realized that these feelings had something to do with the fact that I had skipped 2 periods in a row. So, this anger had something to do with my menopausal clock 
:confused:As of this writing I am feeling much better about things...I have regulated my feelings by understanding that I am feeling this because of " MY BODY". Of course it has helped that my periods have been regular again. I am a few days late this month and I noticed that my patience over the last couple of weeks hasn't been great....so I am probably due for another late or skipped month 
.Hopefully I can get through this one again without feeling too bad. I will be 50 in Jan and am not taking anything for symptoms. I worry that over the next 5 years or so that can remain this calm about it. I think there are a lot of my own control issues that I have allowed to escape my attention so that I can keep the stress levels down. I know I am not supposed to drink coffee BUT I have noticed if I drink one cup evey other day it actually seems to help my moods. BUT if I drink it on certain days or for too many days in a row I get "a little crazy" (then I try to have a cup every 2 days...which can sometimes bring on a headache:(I am writing this not to say I am going through this like a breeze.I am writing this to share my own experience at this time. I do have anger and rage. I hope I can keep it all in perspective for myself. There have been times that I thought may be I should try something but I am afraid to take anything. I panic when I have to take an Advil sometimes. Another menopausal "quirk"...For the past 2-3 years I panic just before I take an Advil even an occasional Pepcid....I never liked taking anything before but for some reason I get panicky if I need to to take anything other than vitamins :confused:I have redeveloped my long distance relationship with my sister over the past two years...wonders of the Internet ..so I think THAT has been a great boost to my well-being. We used to be very close...than lost touch for quite awhile.(we made contact at Christmas and birthdays and letters ) but we can "talk" to each other at least 5 days a week now...which is great...we have been reaffirming who we are these past 2 years. I also have been sharing ALL my symptoms with my husband...we talk a lot about it now and I have warned him that this is temp and such.. It takes a lot of pressure off .Well, I think I have prattled on for quite some time now.A VERY SPECIAL THANKS TO Dearest for her post above on Nov 18 at 5:29p.m.. That post inspired me to write this. I DID read the whole thing and it made a lot of sense and the special surprise at the end "by clicking here" was the sweetest thing any one has ever done on the boards. THANKS for your affirmation of our feelings and thanks to ALL who share on this board...every one who posts a message does so with the understanding that it will help SOMEONE>>>SOMEWHERE. So on this day of THANKS-----GIVING. I give thanks to all of you who have helped and will continue to help us all through this confusing time in out lives.
I just happen to click on to this particular thread because of the "enticement" on the home page. I am not feeling exactly angry right now but about 6 months ago I went through a pretty rageful couple of months.I was so angry I was actually wrestling in my mind about whether my 29 year relationship with my husband, was all for naught.(not). I wondered if all the things we had been through ( relationship growth , money worries, mistakes in financial risks, sharing in the upbringing of our children etc )equaled my staying with him for another 30-40 years. I started blaming him ( in my mind) for all the mistakes and set backs we had over the years. I was being pretty rude to himand was tentatively thinking of a seperation. I imagined him out of my life....I wrote my feelings out in a journal....what a pain in the behind he was etc.After a while I came to the conclusion that this was perimenopausal anger. I could leave him and feel righteous or stop to figure out another alternative.I chose to accept the fact that I was angry for many things and finally blurted it out why I was feeling the way I was towards him.( we have always been able to communicate) but for some reason I wanted to hold onto my anger. I wanted to covet it like it was my own little "ball of pain". Sort of like holding onto a stash of your favorite candy cupped in your hands.This is mine....allll mine.NOW , after awhile also realized that these feelings had something to do with the fact that I had skipped 2 periods in a row. So, this anger had something to do with my menopausal clock :confused:As of this writing I am feeling much better about things...I have regulated my feelings by understanding that I am feeling this because of " MY BODY". Of course it has helped that my periods have been regular again. I am a few days late this month and I noticed that my patience over the last couple of weeks hasn't been great....so I am probably due for another late or skipped month .Hopefully I can get through this one again without feeling too bad. I will be 50 in Jan and am not taking anything for symptoms. I worry that over the next 5 years or so that can remain this calm about it. I think there are a lot of my own control issues that I have allowed to escape my attention so that I can keep the stress levels down. I know I am not supposed to drink coffee BUT I have noticed if I drink one cup evey other day it actually seems to help my moods. BUT if I drink it on certain days or for too many days in a row I get "a little crazy" (then I try to have a cup every 2 days...which can sometimes bring on a headache:(I am writing this not to say I am going through this like a breeze.I am writing this to share my own experience at this time. I do have anger and rage. I hope I can keep it all in perspective for myself. There have been times that I thought may be I should try something but I am afraid to take anything. I panic when I have to take an Advil sometimes. Another menopausal "quirk"...For the past 2-3 years I panic just before I take an Advil even an occasional Pepcid....I never liked taking anything before but for some reason I get panicky if I need to to take anything other than vitamins :confused:I have redeveloped my long distance relationship with my sister over the past two years...wonders of the Internet ..so I think THAT has been a great boost to my well-being. We used to be very close...than lost touch for quite awhile.(we made contact at Christmas and birthdays and letters ) but we can "talk" to each other at least 5 days a week now...which is great...we have been reaffirming who we are these past 2 years. I also have been sharing ALL my symptoms with my husband...we talk a lot about it now and I have warned him that this is temp and such.. It takes a lot of pressure off .Well, I think I have prattled on for quite some time now.A VERY SPECIAL THANKS TO Dearest for her post above on Nov 18 at 5:29p.m.. That post inspired me to write this. I DID read the whole thing and it made a lot of sense and the special surprise at the end "by clicking here" was the sweetest thing any one has ever done on the boards. THANKS for your affirmation of our feelings and thanks to ALL who share on this board...every one who posts a message does so with the understanding that it will help SOMEONE>>>SOMEWHERE. So on this day of THANKS-----GIVING. I give thanks to all of you who have helped and will continue to help us all through this confusing time in out lives.
Hi Sunlynn, Vickie, everyone:
Sunlynn: Prattle away :biggrin: that sounds just great to me – I just like the way that you are coming to terms with a lot of things in your life and that you reasoned it out so well (writing it down helps a lot doesn’t it?) and it helps me and others to see different perspectives.
Talking about husbands, a lot of the situations that my husband and myself have found ourselves in - when I really use a magnifying glass – well they are not just his fault. I used to blame him for everything - but well that just meant that I relied on him for everything - so when you turn it round and look at it from a different angle, I'm just as much at fault - makes me think that if I have to change something, it has to be me first and my attitude is changing, maybe that's a positive side to all this hormone unbalance stuff. I also hate taking meds for anxiety - it's sort of a challenge and I want to win.
Hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving. Oops, I live in the land of ungrateful people (we don't celebrate that where I live :biggrin:
Barbie xxxxxx
Hi athenea..Thank you so much for your kind words. I was a little worried about submitting my post but I did hoping it might make sense for at least one other woman ( or 2 or 3). What I like about the boards is that you sort of feel like your having a "round table" discussion...maybe sipping tea or COFFEE...enjoying each others comments without hurting feelings or someone trying to take over the conversation. You get a sense that we are really in this together and try to choose your words carefully so that all feel welcome :cheesy: Or maybe we are sitting around a lovely room with a fireplace that has a "low" fire going...all of us alternating taking our sweaters off and then on.Or how about feeling the warmth of the sun on our backs... around a patio table near some water with a COOL breeze adding just the right temp. in the air...with a fancy glass of lemonade or ice tea or ICED COFFEE............maybe some soothing music playing in the background.As you can see COFFEE seems to be my only vice :0 I like the way you put you live "in the land of the ungrateful" you charmed a laugh from me. Where ever you live..you can always find some celebration of giving thanks to something or somebody. Thanks for your affirmation of my thoughts.
fire going...all of us alternating taking our sweaters off and then on.Or how about feeling the warmth of the sun on our backs... around a patio table near some water with a COOL breeze adding just the right temp. in the air...with a fancy glass of lemonade or ice tea or ICED COFFEE............maybe some soothing music playing in the background.As you can see COFFEE seems to be my only vice :0 I like the way you put you live "in the land of the ungrateful" you charmed a laugh from me. Where ever you live..you can always find some celebration of giving thanks to something or somebody. Thanks for your affirmation of my thoughts.
sunlynn...how about coffee ice cream? or a cappachino (thats not spelled right..) cooler..the ones made with milk ..my favorite is hazelnut...over crushed ice.....
wildflowers...sounds marvelous :cheesy:..could we use Lactaid 100 calcium fortified for my sensitive stomach...sad but true :wink: ... HAhaCOFFEE>>>COFFEE>>>COFFEE....in any flavor any form!!
sunlynn..i bet we could ....
OKAY WF...anyone else want to join us?....name your favorite beverage!
Hi Barbie...
Well, Happy Thanksgiving to you anyway! :biggrin: I vote with you about taking a look at ourselves in relationships... I think it is not real helpful to put all the blame on the other person... as they say, it takes two to Tango (even if it is only to follow). I have made mistakes in the past in thinking I could change another person, and have learned so many lessons about only having control over what we do ourselves. I have also found that when I have relied on my husband (or anyone else) exclusively, I can also rid myself of responsibility for myself, then blame him! Personally, I don't like the idea of turning my power over to him or to anyone else! It sounds like you are saying much the same thing when you talk about blaming your husband and realizing that means you were relying on him for everything. I think both of us realizing it might make a big difference for each of us in our relationships. :)
Hey Sunlynn...
Some good thoughts you jumped in there with! :) I have also visited there myself in regard to my relationship with my husband. The primary thing I know to attribute it to is also my peri, because I think I am married to the most communicative man in the world.
I can also relate to the redevelopment of your relationship with your sister. :) I have also done that with my own sister in the past year or so, after several years of purposely distancing myself from her. I am very glad I decided to do that, as she has had some major health problems in the past several months, and I don't know how long she is going to be here. I think we get to a time in our lives when these relationships take on new meaning! Happy Thanksgiving. :)
Hi girls:
Vickie: I'm so glad that you really do understand what I meant - I spent too much time being happy when things went well and upset when things didn't - but since I wasn't "involved" so much, that way I could neither congratulate or blame myself. Well, I've reasoned it out that I do have to be involved - and even though I won't change things overnight, just being conscious and aware of things helps so much. Thanks for helping me "think". I'm so glad for you that renewed your contact with your sister now that you feel it will be a positive thing for both of you - and your husband is communicative??? - Don't you think you had just a little something to do with that? :smile: :smile:
Sunlynn: Yep, it does feel comfy like that as if we could be in real-time sitting at a coffee-shop, lounging around and saying what we feel (it's like Dearest said, it would save us a fortune in therapy). There's so much we can just work out and learn between ourselves It's great for me to have come across a bunch of people who are so responsive and who are "into" the same things. Going back to your 1st post, I have a feeling that you are really working hard on understanding what's happening to you and how it's affecting your relationship. You are really quick - it took me a lot longer to make that kind of association. Soo, when you feel like - keep it up, 'cos we are learning too :biggrin: wildflowers - tell me if the cappuchino you drink is like this - express coffee with milk, that is frothy with chocolate chip and cinnamon. Nice, but it's so filling.. Then of course there is Irish coffee if you have the stomach for it :biggrin: I don't like decaf, but that's what I drink now - and I don't even believe it's decaf :biggrin:
Speak to you all soon.Barbiexxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Barbie...
I think we have both had the same kind of experiences in relationships and made the same kinds of mistakes. Good thing we (and, I am sure, many others, especially here at PS) had the courage to take a look at our parts in it! : ) I really like myself much better now than when I didn't want to take responsibility for myself.... it feels much more freeing to me. And, gosh, I sure don't deserve any credit for helping you think... you are very good at it, all by yourself.
I think that my current husband is either an answer to my lifelong prayers or I learned a hell of alot in my life about men and relationships, haha. I have written before that I was raised in a terribly dysfunctional and alcoholic family, and, guess what... I chose people that were just like that when I was younger. Since I am pretty direct and communicative, I had great difficulty in my family of origin and also in early adult relationships. I have been with my husband for 4 years now, and I keep wondering where he was when I was younger. Well, as some of my co-therapists keep telling me, I probably wasn't ready for him yet then!
Thanks so much for being you.
Hi - I have to agree. With things in my life, I've come to the conclusion that we have to reach a certain level until we're "ready" for the right one to come along. Perhaps at an earlier time, either they, or we, would have messed it up! But it does seem that so much time was wasted.........Glad you found each other, anyway!
the capp. drink is already premade..you buy it in the grocery..called capp. coolers..its in the coffee section..you make it with COLD milk (i like ice in mine)..pour the contents in a tall glass, add milk stir and add ice...love the hazel nut..(also like hazelnut hot chocolate yummy..) don't like the vanilla..but then again i don't really like vanilla anything..not candles, icecream, incense etc..i'll have to look in the grocery for the name of that cooler...
Kalanie...I am sorry to hear your sister has health problems BUT you are renewing a part of your relationship that you feel comfortable with. You are right our relationships can take on new meanings ALL through our lives too.My sister and I are so much alike AND SO VERY different but we have always had tihis special connection like we were twins. Its pretty cool.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
athenea.....thanks again for your affirmation of my thoughts on growing and learning about ourselves.Sometimes I look back on my life and can not believe all the things that I have done. Not that I have a super woman past...just plain old regular living. Thinking back 20 years ago is not so long but remembering 40 years ago is still unbelievable to me. Was I actually a child? Did I really do this or that as a youth as a teen?. When I tell my children certain events I almost feel like I am making them up because I have experienced so many things .(more on a cerebral level though)...how could this all add up? My emotional growth is astounding, I think for what I went through as a child. I guess I am just glad for who I am ....I may not be famous but "not bad" for a small town girl.Could someone please pass me the cinnamon for the lovely cappuchino that "athenea "brought. Thanks ..... YUMMM :)wildflowers...maybe you could add some "WILDFLOWERS" to our table.......oh and "yankeegirl' maybe you could bring some Indian pudding or is "yankeegirl" referring to being a Yankee baseball fan.........even so...you would still be sort of from New England................
oh...look here comes Dearest...Introvert and Aunt B...sorry I did not see you behind the other girls......no friends, I haven't lost it..........just play acting....can you tell I still work with young children? :)I just did not want to forget anyone on this thread. Any newcomers?
Hi Yankeegal... Wasted time, yes.... making up for it right now. :biggrin: Better to have finally reached a higher level later than to have never reached it at all. Hope you are having a great weekend after making it through the Thanksgiving dinner (at least I assume you did ... you seem to have made it back here, none the worse for the wear and tear).
(Edited by Kalanie at 11:11 am on Nov. 25, 2001)
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