Hello, my name is Marion and I live in Va. Beach, Virginia. Since being told that I am going through menopause I cannot help but feel like I am nuts. I foreget things all the time. It is like I am walking around in a daze most of the time. I find myself day dreaming and so sleepy all the time. Depression is really an issue for me as well. It does not take alot to get my feathers in a ruffle. I loose my temper so easy. My husband is totally upset at me and says he is afraid to come home most of the time because he never knows what to expect. I have tired relentesly to express to him what I am going through but I really do not feel that he gets the whole picture. He is so wrapped up in his job and people at work and works such long hours that he hardly has time to listen to me complain about what I am going through and even when I do have time to talk to him he really does not listen as well as he should. Especially if tv is on, foreget it. It is like talking to a wall. I find myself talking just to hear myself speak. I have often asked him to repeat what I have just said and he just sits there with this stupid look on his face because he knows he is busted. Oh well, enough on that. Anyways, today is a hard day for me. The fifth anniversary of when my dear and beloved Mom died. It would seem that it would get easier for me but each year it gets worse. My birthday is the 22nd of this month, turning 48. I have started back to doing an exercise program last week, this time using weights, so hopefully that will increase my energy levels and help me in my desire to loose more weight. I did loose 40 pounds last year and 16 inches during Curves but reached a stand still so I have now started doing a similar program but using weights to try and firm and increase energy. I am also going to try and start walking on the days in between work outs once it starts to cool off here in Virginia Beach. Tomorrow is my girl's 21st birthday, she is in Florida, she lives there and I miss her alot. If anyone would like to chat with me more personally please feel free to contact me at tdavidson12@cox.net. I think I am going to start up a business working at home to see if that helps me with my depression. I have found something that I have a deep interest in, that is pets. I am going to be selling and representing pet products. I hope I can make some money at it. At least it might keep me busy and my mind active. Thanks, Marion

I am so sorry you are having a rough time.I can relate to everything you said...except i can ask my hubby what i just said and can you believe he will actually make something up???? I don't know what to tell you except this is all one hell of a roller coaster ride and we all have season passes.

I agree with Jade, Marion. We all on this ride with you. Sometimes our brains are in such a fog, it's as tho' nothing makes sense. I'm so sorry it's the anniversary of your mom's passing. This is a time when we can really use our momma's help and encouragement. I expect she's there for you anyway, looking over and loving you. I want to wish you a happy birthday on the 22nd, and I think your plan to establish a workout with weights is really good! It will keep your bones healthy, and help you continue with your weight loss (congratulations, by the way!). You've done so well already. And some people feel that walking is just about as effective in relieving depression as anti-depressants (I do both right now!). Good luck with your new business - animals are so wonderful! Sounds like a rewarding venture. And give your girl a big over-the-phone hug tomorrow on her 21st birthday. Remember those days? Thinking of you, and hoping you feel better soon. Jacquie

Hello everyone, I can relate to the husband not listening thing. My husband always cuts me off when I'm speaking, before I can finish. This really irritates me and I've tried just about everything to get him to stop. I've become silent and angry, I've continued to speak but I start shouting over him, and I've yelled at him not to cut me off. He still does it. The worst thing is when he does it in public. We are with a group of people and it's like he can't stand it if I talk. I can't get really mad at him in front of other people without seeming to be a witch. So I get red and seethe in frustration. Then he stops. VALady, there is hope for getting through meno because I have, and it does get much better. You didn't mention about your periods, whether they are regular or not, and whether you are taking any kind of HRT or over-the-counter remedies. I'm two years post-meno, and everything has improved except maybe the hot flashes. I've learned to live with them and not get upset about it if I have one. I use the Revival Soy every day and I think this has truly saved my life. I don't know how I'd be feeling without it, but probably nowhere near as good as I feel now. I also have lost 35 pounds on Weight Watchers. I started on May 17. I feel so much better now, because I gained about 15 more pounds last Christmas and was continuing a slow gain. My knees and legs started to bother me all the time, my slacks were tight, and I just felt tired and heavy on my feet. When I mapped out my food program, I was shocked to see how much I had been eating before. No wonder I had gained. I hope you feel better and I can assure you that things will improve for you, too. Hang in there!

P. S. Here's a funny thing I forgot to add. As I said, I have lost 35 pounds, and my appearance has changed quite a bit for the better. I work full-time, and no one, NO ONE, has asked me if I'm losing weight or told me I look better. They don't talk to me and a few have actually started avoiding me. I can't figure this out, and it has actually made me feel a little hurt and angry. Not that I lost weight to impress them, of course, but you'd think someone would say something good. But all I get is silence. I can't understand it!

sugar~~I had to reply to your weight loss story!! I went through the very same thing..about 12 years ago I went from 165 lbs. to 117 lbs... like you my appearance changed alot. No one..and I mean no one said you look good..it was just " are you sick" or "my goodness, if you keep losing you will blow away" over and over I heard these remarks..I had worked so hard ( like you have) to lose the weight and was hurt. I still get the same ole comments. I have managed to keep the weight off ( except lately my appetite is huge) meno I guess..but anyway I understand your frustration about not getting any positive comments on you weight loss..people still think I'm sick or something..my hubby says it could be their jealous. I guess we just keep being proud we lost the weight..I applaud you!!!

Finola and Sugar - at least you don't have to worry about people asking you if you're pregnant! At our age, they probably are worried that you're sick with some deadly disease. Heaven forbid! Congrats on the weight loss, everyone, I think you are inspring me to do something!

I've always been slim, and have felt many times some tension about this. I'm not a great beauty, but I think people are so concerned about their weight (thanks to our ridiculous social standards), that it's hard to perhaps have the "reminder" before them. And I have to say, as a younger woman, it was painful to be around beautiful women - I felt that I simply disappeared! Also, sometimes at restaurants with acquaintances from my volunteer work, or hub's job, I notice that some women watch what I eat very carefully, and occasionally comment about it. This makes me feel self-conscious and sad. I have a hearty appetite, and happened to get Dad's genes - my dad was tiny as a leprechaun! - 5'1", and he never weighed over 115 pounds. Frankly, I wish I'd gotten my maternal grandma's beautiful head of hair, or my paternal grandma's lovely face. We get what we get! Oh, that we could all - as Martin Luther King said - judge one another by the content of our character! Love you all, Meno-Sisters, no matter what your features, shape, size, or color!

P.S. I once heard someone say how they had gone out to eat with a group of girlfriends, and no one wanted to admit to wanting dessert, but they decided to get one piece of cheesecake to share. The group all sat there, not wanting to be the one to put her fork in first! They left with only a few tiny bites taken out - the woman said she wished she'd gotten a doggie bag, so she could devour the rest in the car! How sad is that? Also, on NPR one day, there was a young woman talking (early 30's I think) who was recently diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease - wonder if any of you other folks heard this? She said for years she fretted about what she ate, and she now had this condition in which her mouth and throat would eventually become completely paralyzed, and she'd have to be tube-fed. She was now savoring every single bite of food she ate! I was grateful for the reminder that the good things in life are to be savored, not fretted over! Eventually, we're all going to sleep for a LOOOONG time.... Love ya!

Finola, after your wonderful post, I feel much better and I don't need anyone else to tell me I done good!! COWoman, thank you also. I think you are right about people thinking we have a deadly disease. Many of my co-workers are much younger than I am, however (like 30 years younger) so you wouldn't think they'd be jealous of an old bag like me. I mean, I'm not exactly going to be sexually appealing or anything; I just wanted to stop aching so much and grunting and straining to just do easy housework. joliejacq, good for you that you are naturally slim. Personally, I love all of you and I don't care what you look like or anything else! But thanks so much for all your responses.

jolie~~my dad was small too..5' 3" about 125 lbs. I'm small framed but at 165 lbs, my health was getting bad, so I lost the weight for that reason, lately though I don't watch what I eat as close..I went 12 years without ice cream..but for some reason I started craving those "nutty buddy" ice cream cones and boy after I had one..now I want them every week..but hey I figure after 12 years I deserve it!! sugar~~so glad I could make you feel better..it's because I do understand the hurt feelings of not being complimented on the weight loss..I used to ask my hubby all the time "why can't they be happy for me" but after awhile I got used to remarks or lack of. you just keep feeling good about yourself and your accomplishment!! take care~~

cowoman~~Thanks for the congrats on our weight loss..believe me lately it's been so hard to stick to my healthy eating..I really think it's this peri thing~~I'm hungry all the time!!!

My dad was short and small, as well. I recall reading an article about the increasing prevalence of eating disorders, during peri. Lou Gerhig's disease, not that will give one perspective.(or guilt, depending on my mood) Congratulations on the weight loss ladies. Even if no one else has commented you have each taken a step in the right direction towards better health. I don't keep junk in the house. I do have a stash of chips in my husband's trunk, however. I never craved chips, except before my period. I don't have a weight problem, so I'm lucky. Actually, I weighed more a decade ago. Keep up the good work!!!!

I meant now, not, not. Oh, I need to get my period. I can feel it coming on.

Happy Birthday tomorrow Marion !!! Also Happy Birthday to your daughter today !!! I am sorry about the passing of your beloved Mom 5 years ago. She will always be with you, watching over you, and especially in your heart. I can tell you openly and candidly that you are NOT nuts. You are perfectly normal as the rest of us are who have our ups and down with these symptoms. I am also in such a mental fog most of the time lately but I trudge through it hoping that it doesn't affect my work. Luckily I work with women in my same age range and we all go through it and we laugh it off. I just wish there were a place for us to lay down at work on breaks/lunches to get a little nap but we just don't have the extra room anywhere on our floor. I sometimes wish I could curl up with a blanket under my desk and take a nap. After reading your post, when you mentioned about starting your own business at home - would your business take you out of the house or keep you in the house most of the day? The reason I ask is because if you are in the house all day, you will not have any day-to- day people interaction. This is an important aspect for a depressed person to get out of the house to meet and talk with others. It has helped me tremendously and I can tell you I have improved 95% now that I feel like I want to leave the house again. I hope this helps and I will be thinking of you Marion. Hugs, Tina

marion~congrats on your 40lb weight loss..I see you love pets..me too!! Hope your new job selling pet products goes great for you. I have a new dog..she's becoming my pal..just adore animals!!

Heard a song on the radio the other day. Not sure of title or singer(never can remember that stuff). Jist of the song is to live like you're dying. Think that is part of the title. Any way, knowing some days are easier than others but trying to live each day as though the last... food for thought and a reason for me to get up from bed in the morning. Finding the beauty of the sunrise, seeing pure joy in my daughter's eyes, just surviving emotionally yet another day...

Oooh, Finola, those nutty cones! I understand the addiction... I am so impressed with all of you who have lost weight! My mom and two brothers have all struggled with this for many, many years. They kind of go up and down, and it sure isn't easier in a culture in which there's a donut shop or McD's on every corner. (The hospital in my mother's home town, which has just won the right to become a major heart-surgery center, has a Dunkin' Donuts RIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL! I'm infuriated by this. What ever happened to the Hippocratic oath?) Mom and my older brother are diabetic, and my younger brother is pre-diabetic. By the way, even tho' my dad was tiny, he also developed adult-onset diabetes - so it's not necessarily weight-related in my family. Chris, my counselor told me she's seeing more anorexia in peri-menopausal women lately. I think it's just so much (too much) societal pressure... EBHeron, I'm so sorry you lost your mom to this awful disease. Ironically, after posting that message on the weekend, I noticed our local Sunday paper had a big article about a woman in her early 30's here in Maine, who is pregnant, and who just got the news that she has it. She seems to be coping well, but my heart breaks for her and her little one. Praying there's a cure for this one day soon. AMEN, Leslie. What a beautiful post...

Finola & CSugar: Congratulations on losing the weight and sticking with it. Did you use a plan like weight watchers? The reason I ask is because I tried Jenny Craig many years ago when I started peri and I just didn't stick with it. I'm about 25 pounds overweight now and am really considering going with the girls at work to weight watchers once per week. It really shocks me that neither of you received compliments on your weight loss. It HAS to be the jealousy factor. I was such a stick (very thin due to ballet and sports) most of my life until peri hit. It would hurt me when other women used to ask me if I was sick, ask if I was intentionally not eating, and then tell me they thought I was underweight and needed to gain weight. So don't fret over no compliments - I think alot of women are just plain jealous of women who are successful at losing the weight and especially when they can KEEP the weight off. I was once asked if I was pregnant after I started gaining weight in 94 - ouch !! I started on the Reebok step aerobics every single day and lost the weight in 2 months. It eventually came back though. Peri/Meno is full of challenges these days. Congratulations to you both !! Tina

joliejacq~~Thanks for the nice compliment on my weight loss..I must say in the past month it's been a struggle..I'm so hungry all the time..I've missed 3 periods and know it's this darn peri affecting my appetite..I do have a new dog and she's keeping me active..I walk her at least 3 times a day..can't let her run free..we live along a very busy highway. I can't believe a hospital has a dunkin donuts....everywhere we turn we are tempted by all the foods that are bad for us!! I have managed to do without my nutty buddy this week.. but the weeks not over..LOL..aren't they good!!! mattia~~I lost my weight by walking, and cutting fats. I just stuffed myself with vegetables, grain breads, fruits, and even pastas, just didn't add butters or oils to it..but did use the parmesan cheese, can't give up everything!!! I also gave up meat. I do eat seafood on occasion. I think the walking was the one thing that worked best for me..but now it's harder to do..along with all the other peri symptoms came the aches and pains, and it's harder to walk these days, and my appetite is huge lately, I HATE PERI!!! ~~HUGS TO ALL~~

mattia~~Thank you also for the nice compliment..it means alot!! Take Care~~

Finola, What kind of dog do you have? Is she a pup? I'm so jealous! We'd really love to have a dog, but are waiting for things to settle here - too many transitions in our lives right now. Lucky you! You know, thinking about it, I have a few cousins who put on a lot of weight during peri, and have lost much of in more recent years. I wonder if it's that fat-produces-estrogen thing, where women feel better if the extra weight provides more estrogen, so we subconsciously eat more. BTW, I have gained a little recently, either because of peri, or the Lexapro. Not a problem, but I have such pretty skirts and slacks that are harder to wear now! Ah, the ups and downs - so to speak - of peri. Love you all! Jacquie

jacquie~~my dog is 5 months old but weighs about 45 pounds, I adopted her from a shelter, and shes mostly hound, a black and tan coon hound, thats a certain breed. I think she's going to be HUGE!! shes adorable with those hound dog eyes~~you should get a dog when things settle, they are great friends..the only thing now is I hate to leave her and go away, I don't know how I'll ever take a vacation, she'll be to big for anyone to handle. Thank You for asking about her. Hope you can get your dog soon~~ I hear that lots of women gain weight in meno, I can see why!! If my appetite stays this big, it won't take long!! ~~Hugs~~

Finola, I've also been starving to death at times when I should not be - like an hour after I eat breakfast. What I've done and it's been successful most times is drink a big glass of ICE water to stop the craving. It really fills me up so I'm not so hungry. Add lemon if it's available because it helps eliminate excess water in your body. I add lemon for my kidneys which acts like a natural diuretic and is also good for the liver. You are very welcome for the compliment that was very well deserved. I am proud of you and hope to be on the same track as you are SOON !! Take care, Tina

Finola, I have a friend who has a male coon hound who's about 2, and he weighs - brace yourself - 80 pounds! He's a big ol' sweetie named Dan, and she adores him. Hounds do have the sweetest eyes... We did shelter our Brit - we got him used to it at puppy stage, and he came to love the woman who ran the shelter, and also he enjoyed the company of the other dogs. We'd bring him home, and he slept for 3 days from all the barking and playing! However, not everyone likes to shelter their pets. Do you have a friend your pup could get used to now, so that when you have to leave, she'll be less upset? Oh, and some hotels are dog-friendly! May cost a little more, but worth it! Congrats on this sweet new family member.

jacquie~~I think this hound of mine will end up weighing at least 80 lbs, maybe even 100 lbs..she sure is a sweetie, just like big ol' Dan. She tries to sit in my husbands lap, shes so big already and she just doesn't understand why she can't fit in his lap, it's very cute watching her try!! I will look into shelters, if I can find one I'm sure of then I may have to leave her, she probably would like the other dogs. I see you live in Maine..we have a friend who just went to Maine and on up to Nova Scotia, he just keeps telling us we have to go, that Maine is so beautiful, we live here in WV with nothing but mountains and he said they drove 2000 miles up the coast. He loves the people in Maine..he may have sold us on that trip someday..may just take my big hound with me!! ~~Hugs~~

Oh, Finola, If you come to Maine some day, and have time to spend in our lovely city of Portland, promise you'll let me know! We have also been to Nova Scotia, and it is stunning up there - parts of Canada are so much less "built up" than just about anywhere we know of in the states. Also the northern parts of the Maine coast (what we call "Down East" LOL) along with some of the islands, are still quiet and beautiful - working fishing ports, etc. And what a small world - my son-in-law hails from "Almost Heaven, WV" (actually Sissonville). He has the sweetest accent and beautiful Southern manners - we just love him to bits! We've been as far south as Virginia, but he and his family assure us that WV is VERY different! We'll get there one day, as we adore the mountains... BTW, my friend with a coon hound took him for a walk in the woods last week and he "tree'd" a raccoon - she couldn't believe it! So far he's sniffed out a baby fawn, a few squirrels, a groundhog - she has real terror of his going after a skunk or a porcupine! Enjoy your new pup - she's lucky to have you, and a man sweet enough to let her try to climb up onto his lap!

jacquie~~Maine sounds just beautiful!!! If I'm ever fortunate enough to get there I will let you know!! Your son in law sounds like a sweetie..I see Sissonville is near Charleston..we live in the panhandle of WV. The mountains here are very nice..esp. in the Fall of the year!! My hound sniffs out everything in the woods too!! I have to keep her on a leash as she could get lost in these vast mountains chasing a deer, so she drags me all over the woods!! Dan sounds like a great hound..sure hope he doesn't find a skunk!! You have a great day and Thank's for being so nice!! ~~Hugs~~