Dear readers: I am new to this web site and having so many problems. Not sleeping at night is a big one and just being tired all the time and depressed. Up until about a month ago I was working out at a place called Curves 3 times a week which I found to help with fatigue and made me feel better about myself. Then we moved and I have not been going. I lost 40 pounds last year and do not want to get it back. As far as sex, my husband is always wanting to have sex, heck he would every night if I would. I guess I should feel lucky and glad that he still desires me that way, but I am just so darn tired at night and not feeling good about myself that I make excuses, not that being tired is an excuse. I do not want to disappoint him or turn him down too much because then I am afraid that he will start to loose his desire for me all together. I was just told about 2 weeks ago that I am in menopause. I do not really understand when you all talk about peri, post and all these different types of menopause. I really do not know what stage I am in. Heck, this morning the lady who lives next door to me really upset me by asking me if I was pregnant. She said I looked as if I had gained some weight since we moved into this new place. She is in her 80's and I am sure she did not mean any harm but I came in and just sat down and cried. Today is my 8th wedding anniversary. Just a question? Do you ladies look for help in the sex department by trying to buy the sex clothes and using aids? I need something to boost my desire again. It is not that I do not love my husband but I feel so old and just plain not so good about myself. Feel free to email me privately to at tdavidson12@cox.net.

VALady48: You don't say how old you are, but I am fifty three. What I am going to say is probably not what you are going to want to hear, but perhaps it will help in some way. I have been married for thirty six years, I got married when I was seventeen and sex was a big part of my marriage. At the age of fifty, I got every symptom of menopause imaginable. I, too, am exhausted all the time and cry at nothing. I also have vaginal burning, which makes it VERY hard to handle sex. My sister is 43 and I envy her the ability to have sex whenever she wants without it hurting. Seriously, I do! It would not matter to me one bit how tired I was if I could go back to the way I was. My husband is extremely understanding, but take it from someone who can no longer have sex whenever they want to without using a bunch of creams and gels and feeling pain, enjoy it! Make time for sex even if you are tired and think you are too tired for it. I don't mean to suggest that you should be jumping into bed at every opprotunity, but enjoy it when it happens. I think sex is one of the greatest free gifts God gave humans and I would be thrilled to have my sex life back. Love and peace.

VALady: First of all "Happy Anniversary!!!":) Secondly, I am also new to this meno experience and I have much to learn. Even though I am not married, I am in a committment relationship with a special person, that I see at least twice a week. Mainly, I am a single mother of three young kids and a grad student, so you know I get tired very easily. If you are like me at this point you are probably having a hard enough time dealing with all the changes. I had even a harder time trying to explain what I am going through with my partner. I told him that I love him very much but I dealing with life issues, that every women deals with if they live this long (I am only 47) that might effect our love/sex life. I asked for his understanding and patience and hopely we can get through this together. I too get very tired by nightfall, but I still can get into the groove at this point (despite my taking Paxil, an antidepressant that purportly kills the desire for sex). Even though I get tired especially at night, I feel way better in the morning or at least after several hours of sleep since I wake up in the middle of the night at least four times a week. Our over night time together is rare as overnight childcare is a challenge, so this forces me to make the most of our time together. As we do not make as love as often as we did in the beginning, we still show it in other was. Lately, we have just been glad to be together, watching funny movies and comedy shows and cuddling. Have you two considered making loving at another time during the day when you are not so tired? You two have made it to eight years and I know you will celebrate many more!!! This meno experience seems overwhelming and daunting in the beginning but I know we can get through it:D Keep reading PS for the wonderful sisterhood, advise and wisdom P.S. I Love VA Beach. i used to live there in the 1980s when I was married to my first husband who was in the Navy. My only regret is that we did not stay longer;)

Why does it have to be at night VA Lady? There's also lots of other ways to make your man feel good!