I didn't know where to put this topic, but it surely makes me feel depressed, so I chose this board. How do you handle rejection from other people? When I was younger, I had friends and somehow I didn't care as much or get hurt as much when people didn't seem to like me. I just moved on and didn't give it a lot of thought. Now that I'm in menopause, it really hurts me when people don't like me, and I know that the worst thing I can do is hold on tighter, because that only drives them further away. I don't know if it is because they think I am unattractive, or boring, or what. I try to be friendly. My appearance is good and I try to wear nice clothing and fix my hair and all that. I'm not 20 anymore, and not pretending to be. I look my age but I take care of myself. What more am I supposed to do? I wish I could just walk away when I sense that people are rejecting me. Instead, I criticize myself and obsess about WHY they don't like me. If I'm a good person and I'm friendly and pleasant, what do I always do wrong? Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

Dear CSugarGrove, I am so sorry that anyone has rejected you. You seem to be such a caring person and have helped me so much in the past! From CBT counseling I have learned a few techniques for not letting things bother me so much - maybe they can help you a bit. Strive to be the best person you can be, then do not be sorry for who you are (as long as you do not hurt anyone). Feel confident that if you have been sensitive and kind to others that there is nothing else you can do. If you cannot do anything about the situation give it wings and let it fly. Sometimes the people rejecting you have their own problems they are trying to deal with. Or another answer is that there are a large number of uncaring people in the world But from your messages I would say you are a very caring person - who would make a great friend. I hope someone comes across your path soon that will make you feel welcome and not rejected. Take Care! Boone;)

CSugar, You are a very wonderful person that I admire. You might be overly sensitive - I know I am. Try not to take it personally. I am going through something very similiar at work in this new position. And my old boss won't even look at me. It hurts and I've tried a couple of times but she shuns me. It's the mean people in this world that like to play these types of games with other people's feelings. It is only a matter of time until the game is played upon them. I think of these types of people as "dark entities" who thrive on being mean and hurtful. You are way above that type of behavior and that is something you have to keep reminding yourself about. They don't deserve you if their actions are mean-hearted. Take care & don't worry about it. One of the best ways of knocking them off course is to be nice like saying good morning cheerfully like you haven't even noticed their meaness toward you. Kill them with kindess !!! Hugs, Tina

CSugar, Rejection scares my pant off, yet always did. Nobody likes it, so don't blame it, on menopause, nor yourself. It may be one of the larger human anxieties. Of course, these transitory years may leave us feeling more vulnerable to this situation. My sister told me, over a decade ago that it's harder to make friends, as we grow older. I don't know, it's been my case. Also, this feeling does factor into sadness, so perhaps here it lies. Pardon, typos no glasses. Moody, but hanging in there, a.k.a. Chris.:D:D And, Sugar, I remember the story of your daughter, and your mother, and it still makes me sad. Girl, you said meno was your worst experience. OY VEY!!!!

As Tina mentioned, I'm also exquisitively sensitive. A mixed bag!!!! It beats living-dead.

Me too Chris -- much harder now to make friends. I don't know if it because I just don't have the energy anymore or I would prefer no interaction outside of work. Once we get our pool, my husband mentioned having a party (cringe !!) -T

I am just the opposite with regards to "rejection." I used to care GREATLY, which caused shyness. But now I could not care any less if I tried what anyone thinks of me. Why would I? There are lots of people out there, so there is no one in particular I need. I heard someone (a psychiatrist) say once, "What someone thinks of you is none of your business." Basically, it is only their business (their thoughts). Also, my own psychiatrist said, "Rejection says nothing about the person being rejected, but only about the rejectors' preferences." I mean, SugarGrove, maybe they have bad taste, which is why you are sometimes rejected. Think of it that way. I'm trying to cheer you up; I hope I'm not screwing it up! Anyway, caring what anyone thinks (except maybe your boss or intimates) is a huge waste of time. No matter what you do or how you look, someone won't like you, because you remind them of their Aunt Matilda or someone they don't like already. I have to say that stopping caring what people think of me has been the only (or one of the only) good things peri has brought (cuz I gotta say, I mostly do the rejecting now--always in a very polite way, of course, because it's not about them, it's about what I want).

Tina, I have faith in you and you'll do fine. Aimee, You cheered me up. I laughed at the shrink quote, "What someone thinks about you is none of your business." Good post.

Csugar- Maybe it isn't you that is being rejected. I am in my 40's and I have noticed that it is not easy to make friends. I can go out of my way to invite people over and they do not respond. Society today is crazy. People are overworked; busy with in their family; etc., they do not have time to get together like they used too. I have noticed this and so have other people I know. I have a few acquaintances but not many close friends anymore. I don't think it is you I just think it is our society. If they don't have time for you, keep trying to make new friends. If you end up with one or two, you are lucky. Sandy

"What someone thinks of you is none of your business." ~~~~Oh! I like this...Definately needs more advertising.....might save everyone a lot of grief! Thanks Aimee

Sandy and Friends, Sometimes it isn't that you can't make friends, it's the age group you choose. 40 somethings are busy trying to cope but there are worlds of 70 somethings who would love friends and by that time of life have learned what really is important. They have lots of experience, less jealousy (aren't dealing with meno) and make wonderful friends. Just a suggestion. L, ygirl

Well, I certainly have all the good friends that I could need. Boone, Mattia, chriscarol, AimeeDecorates, ygirl, 40Something, jimi. You all made me feel so much better. Sometimes even though I think it's all behind me, I have days when it is NOT behind me, and that's where this wonderful site has saved my life time and again. All I ever have to do is post about something, and then there is such a warm flood of caring people. Boone, it was so good to hear from you because I have wondered several times how the sleep situation is going for you. I love that phrase, "give it wings and let it fly." I will think of that next time I feel down. Mattia, you just made me feel better with your post. Same for chriscarol (GOOD memory about my mother/daughter situation)! Actually, I think it was another contact over this last weekend with my mother that started me on a downward spiral emotionally. She always gets me to feeling bad about myself. I know the best thing would be for me to stay away from her, which I'd love to do, but then I'd miss seeing my Dad and I love him so much that I endure my mother. My Dad is 87 and in good health now, but I know very well that I don't have a lot of time left with him. Every one of you gave me such good advice. Thank you, thank you. I feel a lot better today.

Sandy, I wanted to tell you that you are right about society. I'm relieved to hear that it may not be just me. I never had a lot of friends, anyhow. It always seemed when I was younger that people would be friends with me for a while, then they would drift away. Have you had this happen? Well, thanks again for your post.

Hi CSugar, Thanks for thinking of me. I have been doing pretty good. I started taking Alluna (valerian root) for sleep and my natural HRT and things have been so much better. I have my fingers crossed. I know what you mean about people drifting away. This has happened to me over the years too. Maybe its because our interests and life situations change so we move onto other groups with other interests. I also know what you mean about the mother thing. My Mom always provides stress and usually makes me feel worse - she is a "me" person. I have learned through counseling that it is best to keep my relationship with her "on the surface", not to expect much from her and to keep my distance from her. It is hard because afterall she is my mother. It is weird how much emotion this time of life brings with it. It seems as if these things were not so much an issue when we were younger. I think the hormones cause our emotions to rise right to the surface. I try really hard to find things that make me happy and to stay away from what makes me feel bad. I know my Mom wonders why I don't come around as much. Maybe you can find ways to be with your Dad without your Mom. Find something to do with him the she doesn't like - ha! Take Care, Boone

CSugar- I think it is normal for friends to come and go. People change. I have had that happen to me. I also moved allot and was not good about keeping in touch. Your good friends will always be there for you. Sandy

Boone--I'd love to be with my Dad, but my mother will not permit it. She has some serious, very deep mental problems. My troubles with her go a long way back, like 33 years, to when my own daughter was born. My mother has repeatedly tried to take her away from me emotionally. It's a long story that I posted about on another board. My Dad calls me from a pay phone now, just to visit once in a while because when he called me from their home phone, she found out about it on the bill (local call, but she doesn't want him to talk to me) and she hit the ceiling. So now he calls me whenever he has a chance from a pay phone when she isn't around. It's easier and less stressful for him to work around her rather than locking horns with her all the time. 40something, it is very reassuring to me that someone else has had friends drift away. Sometimes I feel like it's me, so it is comforting to know that others have had the experience. Thanks so much to you and Boone and everyone else for your help.

Sugar...I am usually the one that does the driffing away for many reasons usually it's just a need for solitude. What I have found is that true friends that know me keep in touch and if and when I do the contacting, they are always glad to here from me and eager to catch up....the rest don't matter!

CS, don't let people dump their crap on you. When I worked outside the home I had lots of friends. One day at my Mums (she died a long time ago) I mentioned that my section was relocating and the girls said they would miss me as I made them laugh. My sister looked at me and said"You?", which really hurt. I feel my sister uses people to get to positions she wants (networking???) and then dumps them. A few of her friends have been cast aside when they have needed her the most. She'll call you when she needs you! I have struggled with this for a number of years and it has made me feel bad about myself and caused depression, especially since my Dad died. My husband has always said to ring her and not lose touch, but since she has been on holiday and has now been back over a week and still not got in touch, he's coming round to my way of thinking. Why should you have toxic relationships in your life? I shall treat her as shallowly as she treats me. Don't worry about others CS. If you behave like a nice person and like yourself then it's others hard luck. They've missed out. Anyhow at the end of the day it's not your mother who will make the final judgement!

You make ME laugh alice...following each other round the boards tonight LMAO - TA!

alice, from what I hear, just about everyone that I know has problems in their family. You hear the phrase, "dysfunctional family," but I'd like to know anyone on the planet that has a FUNCTIONAL family. Everybody has a feud with someone, or hurt feelings, or something. At the holidays, when I ask people what they are planning, they tell me they aren't speaking to someone in their family, or someone was invited for Christmas but is not coming because they are angry, and so on. Think about it: everyone has problems with a family member most of the time. So you have a lot of company and so do I. I never had a sister, but I can well understand your feelings when she said "You??" She is obviously feeling inferior to you and it makes her feel better to put you down. I wouldn't get in touch with her unless you really want to. It will only compound your anger if you keep making all the effort and she does not treat you right. jimi, I always hang on too tightly to people and I think that drives them away. Maybe they fear suffocation with me. I don't know if this has anything to do with my mother never loving me, but I'm grown now and I need to move on and not repeat the mistakes she made. Actually, I kind of enjoy time by myself. When I was in peri, I had all this insecurity and I couldn't go to lunch alone and I was always needing company. It was very irritating to feel this way. Finally, I just started spending time alone and I discovered that I'm not that bad to be with. Plus, I can go where I want and do what I want and I don't have to please anyone else.

CSugar, I can definitely relate to this and everything that you've said in this whole thread. I don't have any answers, but I sure wish I did. Sounds like everyone in here is giving you good support and ideas. Amazing what parents can do to us that stay with us for a lifetime. Best of luck to you - many of us can relate and understand.

MaryO, that is why I love this website. Any time I need answers or I just want to vent, people are supportive and they really give me great advice. If you feel like writing about anything that you have experienced, I'd be very interested. Other people's posts have often helped me solve things in my own life. I know that I started out in this thread talking about handling rejection, and then things gravitated to issues about my mother, I guess because it is such an ongoing problem for me. I've read that menopause is a time of reckoning, and that has certainly been the case. Some of these problems started way back when I was in my twenties, but I was too busy having a blast to think about them then.

Alice: I agree with everything you have said. Your sister sounds like one of my oldest "so-called" friends. She is a user and only calls when she wants something. Never even called while I recovering from the kidney problems. What a friend, huh? Chris: Thanks for having faith in me. The last time we had a party was in 1990 and I was so frantic I ran into a closed screen door and fell backward - everybody loved it !! You and I are both sensitive and I think when people reject us it makes us feel like we've done something wrong - then the guilt that comes with that is too much for us to process with everything else happening to our bodies. CSugar: Growing up, our family very tight-knit, and loving. The only problem was that my mother liked me the least. It was very hard as a child to deal with those types of emotions. I tried everything to please her and make her like me. The only thing I had was a great loving bond with my Dad and was grateful that I had that closeness with him. I have had friendships with people over the years that have come and gone. Also have always enjoyed solitude due to the fact that Dad had us reading book after book as children. You can find me on the weekends sitting in the piano room reading, playing the piano, or just looking out the window. For many years I have felt I don't need alot of friends anymore, the few I have live far away but we keep in touch via email. I do keep in touch with 1 girl here that I used to work with and that's good so far. As far as work, my boss and some of her friends still aren't talking to me. I am accepting it and it still bothers me a bit but I can't do anything about it. I only wish I could let things like that not get to me. Take care all & have a great night, Tina

Howdy - I can sure relate to so much of what has been said here - on this thread. I am facing a journey home to see family soon and contemplating how I will remove myself from toxic or potentially toxic situations. Rejection - I've always been very sensitive, I think it's just part of my makeup. The last few years have been tough and I've definately noticed a change in the way people relate in social and/or cultural situations/everyday life. Too busy, hurried, think there's no time. I go to the public garden nearly every day and hardly see anyone there - I guess TV is the god of choice. There are times when I crave human interaction, and times when solitude will do. Things have definately changed, CSugarGrove, so I would try and not take it personally, even tho' that's hard to do sometimes. The 'front porch' culture of people greeting one another and taking the time to chat must still exist somewhere. I certainly miss the face to face human interaction and cherish it when it comes along... Take care all, and have a good night - nj

Lately when I drive anywhere, even on beautiful sunny Sunday afternoons, I don't see a single soul in their yards, or biking, or taking walks, etc. It's like one of those "collateral" bombs has gone off, and all the buildings are still standing, but the people are dead. I miss the sounds of little kids in the neighborhood (we have them; just don't ever hear them). All these expensive swingsets go unused. We have neighbors who have a pool they keep up, but in the years they've had it, I've never seen them use it. Where the hell is everybody? Hard not to be lonely in this day and age...

Why should you have toxic relationships in your life? I shall treat her as shallowly as she treats me. my previous posting. Perhaps toxic is a bit strong, perhaps I should have put "relationships that are not good for you". My sister is actually well liked by many people (she's certainly no super-bitch) but I feel I am always last on her list. Perhaps we are all oversensitive at this time in our lives. Perhaps I watched too many episodes of The Waltons

Tina, is this treatment because of the policy your new employer were operating? I was 'headhunted' - nowhere near as grand as it sounds, it was just the new section leader had worked in the department that I had- for a job once. The girls that already worked there were very hostile to me even though I had worked in the same building at one time. It ended up with someone telling tales about me and we had a big row (not like me at work at all- different persona at work but will stick up for myself at home). Once the air was cleared we became the best of friends.

Alice, I agree with the wording "toxic" because that is exactly what it is - toxic to our emotions and to our bodies from being stressed about it. You hit the nail right on the head there. I will U2U you about the job - it's a long, twisted story. Hugs, Tina

I wonder what the Dalai Lama would have done?

Jimi, I expect he would have smiled that beautiful smile... :)Jacquie

He does have a beautiful smile and a kind graceful manner. I imagine he would offer loving kindness. All the best, nj

Thanks for the message Tina. I thought there must be something behind it. Your old boss is sitting in a stew!

A little late on the uptake -- but I have a few things to say about this feeling rejected - not liked - etc. My gut feeling is that what happens is when you're going through a particularly difficult time in your life and aren't feeling really good about yourself, no matter how good you look, or think you look, no matter what a good person you are inside, no matter how much you give to other people -- it's not unusual - in fact, probably more common than you know, that the way you're feeling inside is what you're sensing from other people as well.

This may sound like a simplisitic answer, but I think we tend to complicate things. I remember my mother-in-law telling me years ago that as a child her mother alway told her how ugly she was, so she went through life thinking of herself as ugly. I remember telling her -- maybe there was an agenda behind her telling you that, but you're anything but ugly. Think of yourself as beautiful - show that to others and you will be!

I think if you give yourself some good daily affirmations, strengthen your real feelings about yourself, know who and what you are -- then 1) you'll sense that from other people as well and 2) you won't really give a damn what other people "seem" to think.

Whether you know it yet or not, one of the nicest things about getting older is that you really, really don't put so much effort into worrying about what others think.

So, work on yourself. Do everything within your power to build yourself up -- and don't let anyone make you feel less than what you are.

Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, Nobody can make you feel like a fool without your permission."

Dearest

I had posted this some time ago on another forum, but perhaps this will answer your question:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Instructions for Life from the Dalai Lama:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go some place you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Here's another from the Spirit, Sound and Affirmations forum.


To a woman who complained about her destiny, God said,
"It is you who makes your destiny."

"But surely I am not responsible for being born a woman?"

"Being born a woman isn't destiny. THAT is fate. Destiny is
HOW you ACCEPT your womanhood and WHAT you make of it."

Beautiful, Dearest. Thank you (again and again).

..........Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said - "Nobody can make you feel like a fool without your permission"......Just had to repeat this one Thanks Dearest AND....I already knew what the Dalai Lama would have done, but I love that you re-posted these instructions - sometimes we all need reminding - do you think you could send George a copy? ~ Everyday you live a better life ~ THAT becomes your history!

Hi Ladies And CSugar, Boy can I relate to this topic... I too probably hold on to tight and chase them away but I dont have the energy to chase them anymore... One of the things I have realized is everything I need is right under my nose and I never took the time to see it .. Better late than never !!! I too Sugar have only a couple of good friends but thats quite alright with me these days... I couldnt take the heartache which some people leave you with which has happened to me recently... It is so painful to think people can be so cruel..... Who needs em.... I too think you sound like a real sweetheart !!! It is such a shame about your mom but glad to see your dad finds a way to touch your heart.... Take Care Sappy P.S. Im in ILLINOIS - you too? Never Forget You Are Special!!!!!

Dorothy was right then Sappy... luv from the Cowardly Lion:P

Hi alice3, I dont think anyone has ever quoted me before, You are great for my ego!!!! I have always been in the habit of reading into what other people say, and that turns into nothing but rejection... But the goods news for me is since meno for the most part I dont have the energy or time to care what other people think... It just takes up to much of the energy that is hard for to mustar up sometimes....Im having a good day today hope you are too!!!! Bye, Luv Sappy

Hello to Everyone, I've been absent from these boards for a few days, and now I wish I'd taken the time to read these new messages. In fact, Dearest, I might not have even checked back here if you had not let me know that you wrote a response. WHAT WONDERFUL ADVICE!!!!!! I heard somewhere once that even if you are feeling depressed, force yourself to act happy and energetic, no matter how hard it might be. And you know what? I don't mean to sound like an idiot, but your bad mood will actually improve. And if your mood improves, others' reactions to you will be positive, and this makes you feel good, and so on. This was one of the items in your post, Dearest. (Giving yourself some good daily affirmations and knowing yourself, then seeing this attitude reflected in others' perception of you). I've noticed that if I stand up straight and look around confidently when I'm walking somewhere, people seem to react to that in a positive way. I did that once when I was walking across a lobby in a building, and some man actually said "Hello," as he walked by. I almost swallowed my teeth. Then I realized it was because of the way I was acting. But Dearest is right, also, about this: I really just don't care as much what others think of me. I used to have a broken heart when someone didn't seem to like me, but now I don't spend as much time worrying about it. I think, "So what?" and get on with things. Another thing I have to remember is that I'M RESPONSIBLE (from Dali Lama). A lot of people tend to blame other people or an unfortunate series of events as being the reason for their bad lot in life. True, you cannot control bad things happening, but you CAN control your reaction to it. I mean, no one is going to put on a big grin right after they dent their car or something, but if they are still stewing about the dent after two months, they need to take responsibility that it happened and move on. I feel so good today, and I know it's because of your posts. I hope everyone one of you can have a good day today.

CSugar, I'm so glad that you're feeling so much better. I read this thread often and just didn't know how to respond. So much of what you said applied to me, too. I'm glad that you got all these helpful responses, because I can use some of them, too. Then what Dearest said really hit home for me, too I was amazed when she said I went through the same things - both my parents continually would tell me I was stupid, fat, ugly, the works. Unfortunately, those thoughts still pervade my life all these years later and I somehow can't get past those thoughts - which all add up in my mind as "worthless". Anyway, I don't want to hijack your thread, CSugar - I'm truly glad that everyone's response helped and you're feeling better now. You've always seemed to be such a nice, caring woman in your posts, in the chats. Feeling rejection can be very difficult, but I think what Aimee said was so good: "What someone thinks of you is none of your business." Easy to say - hard to take to heart. So, thanks for starting this thread, CSugar. In addition to all the support you got, you might be helping others too afraid to post their same thoughts!

Mary, that is just amazing that your parents did that, obviously based on nothing, considering your gifts. It's funny how parents "decide" who you are as early as when you are born, having no real knowledge whatsoever. Example: My cousin, age 49, EXTREMELY bright, funny, witty, well. . . her mother decided when she was born that she was "defective." I'm serious. She believed she had to do everything for the child, so my cousin grew up thinking she could not do anything on her own and was abnormal. She was not allowed to start school until she was 8 years old (her mother said she wasn't "ready" until the school system sent an officer to the home). So, my cousin never got a job (in her life, to this day lived at home), did not finish high school (said she just could not do math) and did not attempt to drive until she was 30. The amazing thing is, her I.Q. is actually far above normal intelligence level (just below genius)--she was tested after a head injury. It's so sad that she wasted her life, but children BELIEVE what they are taught and act accordingly. You are just one of many who were sold a false bill of goods about yourself. P.S. It's true what people think of us is none of our business, and like you say, it is hard to take to heart sometimes, but we must try! I think that we can repeat things like this to ourselves over and over and over and do a sort of reverse brainwashing! My doctor says that what you repeatedly tell yourself *will* get down into the subconscious eventually and will "overwrite" the old tapes. But it does take disipline (plus I never remember to do it ).

Hi all I had to post as i to feel rejection so deeply. Our childhood is to blame i'm sure of that how we are formed as children affects the adults we become. I've posted my story so i shall not bother going into it again. When i started having councelling some 6 years ago my councellor did me a tape with positive affermations (sorry not spelt that right). I had to listen to this tape everyday and the one thing i have taken with me and has help me so much is the saying "YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE" So only put good postive thoughts and eventually you will start believeing in yourself. well it took me lots and lots of councelling but i really am getting their. Rejection has alot to do with having low self esteem and we need to change that but only we can do it. Take care pauline

Pauline, You are SO right about "YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE" !!! I am very happy to hear these affirmations are helping you. Going back to my Dad, this is very similiar to what he lovingly drilled into our heads. He used to say, "YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE." Which I think goes hand in hand with "You are what you think you are." I no longer have the time to worry about what others think at work. I am too darn busy for that. My goals have changed for the better this last month and I plan on keeping it that way. We are preparing for a huge merger in 2 1/2 weeks and I am looking forward and not getting tangled up in all the negativity of those who love to spin gossip. Much more confidence in myself with this new position and I thank God for this opportunity daily. Even with the horrible morning anxiety, it fulfills my soul to help others. This type of work does drain me emotionally and physically to where I have to lay down when I come home - but at least I have a smile on my face !!! I know this may sound corny, but I feel "right" again with myself and God. I feel my soul is filled with happiness and my spirit is soaring. The last 3 years have been so hard for me moving away from home. I deserve this new happiness !! Hugs to All, Tina

Tina, After your recent surgeries, and the physical pain they brought on, and the struggles with job changes, here you are doing so well! I'm thrilled for you!!! MaryO, I agree with Aimee - my heart truly breaks that your parents didn't see the lovely gifted little girl they were sent. You are so knowledgeable, and your posts have been very, very important to me. I think you are absolutely wonderful! (AND you are a pianist, something a gazillion people wish they could do!!!) Love you, MaryO!!!

I think that is soooo true. Have you ever known someone who was not very smart, but who thought they were exceptionally bright? I've known tons of those people. And I've even known a couple of women (which is rare for a woman) who thought they were near beautiful, when in fact, they were unattractive. One woman's mother told her since childhood that she was beautiful. She believes it to this day (even though only her mother can see this physical beauty). Men, on the other hand, mostly think they look great, even when they are complete TOADS! It's all in how we think of ourselves. Now, I don't necessarily advocate leaving reality completely, like in the above examples, but we are usually way too negative about ourselves and actually distort ourselves to far worse than we are, which is not a good way to live. So err on the positive side of your attributes and liabilities.

Jacquie, Thank you so much. You've hung in there with me all the way through this and I don't know what I would have done without your caring and support. Life has it's many lessons and I've learned that you can't rush you body do what it has to do on it's own to heal. Plus, I would not have this rewarding job if I came back in 2 weeks as planned. There's a reason for everything even if we can't see it at the time. Hugs, Tina

It's also easy to misconstrue what people are saying about you. My daughter was telling me about her and a friend were talking about one of the ladies at the dance, saying how nicely dressed she was and how pretty she looked. The lady came over and was quite nasty to the pair of them and has since written them off as a pair of witches! It's not always what it seems!

If you stick your hand in a cage with an animal in it over and over and it continues to bite you, you learn not to stick your hand back in. My family is Dysfunctional with a capital D. I think feeling rejected by ones own family is very hard. You tend to always think "well, if my own family doesn't love me there must be something wrong with me". I have only one family member I speakto every few years on the phone. He lives on the other coast so we don't see each other. Holidays can be very depressing. I remember large family gatherings on the holidays as a child. Now I stay home by mysef while my husband and sons go to his elderly mother's home. Well as you can see I can relate to this topic all to well. Sorry about the negative mood today I think it is heading back down again.Chin up! Thing will get better. Take care, Cathy