This is my first post. I have search the boards and decided to just go ahead and write. I have been post menapausal for several years. On antihistamines for increased allergies. I learned here that anithistimines are also anti libido. So here is my situation today. Due to an assertive persistant husband I continued to have intercourse despite no interest and no lubercation ( used astroglide and then k-y). It became downright painful.( I had stopped HRT due to the allergies; they seemed to make the stuff y nose worse) So I used vagifem to help that, and eventually I could do it without pain. But I did not feel loved, more like unloved after all, what loving husband would insist on sex when It was hurting his wife? Eventually I said that I could not contiune. We stopped about a year ago. We have been going to a therapist. Several months ago I had a routine PAPS smear done ( by my husband, who is the only GYN iin town). It did not go well ,it hurt and we finally figured out that I probably have vaginismus. So I am starting to get that treated. I am avoiding the antihistamines until I get sinus headaches so at least I am taking them less often ( also doing nasal irrigations, and SQ shots for allergies.) Hoping that I can become orgasmic again. My relationship with my husband is better, but he is still mostly interested in SEX if you know what I mean... he is getting frustrated. To tell the truth at this point I do not really care. So, does anyone understand, has anyone out there been down this route? Will decreasing the antihistamines as much as I am able mean that I will become orgasmic or increase my libedo again? Maybe?

Wow, nothing like an understanding husband and a GYN to boot! First off... he shouldn't be treating you. You need to have a SEPARATE GYN for your needs. Second, are you concerned about getting your libido back because of him and his needs? It sounds like you're allowing him to pressure you too much. It's not an easy time for you and he should at least be accepting and supportive if he can't understand it. Gee whiz..

Actually, the day I had the uncomfortable exam I more or less decided to go somewhere else. He brought the subject up. He hasn't really felt comfortable doing me for a long time. Its just that there are not that many Gyns nearby and he is a good one. ( getting better all the time as he learns a lot through me). I won't need another exam for about a year, but I have a replacement picked out. She is not OB_GYN. She is a nurse practitioner and an ex-ob nurse. If I end up with something tricky we will worry about that then. He has been a good husband in many ways, but like all people he has his faults. I am very grateful he is not worse. In some ways choosing a husband (or a wife) is like gambling. When we are young, we have no idea how profoundly it will affect us and our lives. Some of our problems are because I am not a good communicator or assertive enough some are because he is self centered and wants things his way. He is good at talking me out of my viewpoint. However, talking me out of things does not change reality and now we are stuck with it. When the sexual drive diminishes, after a time, we accept the situation, after all, what can be done about it? However, now that I know that the antihistamines are at least part of the problem I am more hopeful. The vaginismus material suggests finding some on-line support. so far I have been unsuccessful that is why I have posted here. I found one place but I think I is for primary and not secondary vaginismus. The useful thing for others to learn from this post is that it is very unwise to have sex if it hurts cause it can lead to vaginismus. Also, communication is essential for a marriage to last.

Robin, You have definitely found the right place for understanding and support. You will be astonished at the wealth of information offered here PLUS all the wonderful people you will meet that are willing to help and share similiar symptoms/situations with you. Painful intercourse has plagued our marriage on and off for several years. My husband is very gentle and will stop if it hurts me. My problem is that even when it doesn't hurt, I bleed so much afterward, including clots that it scares us both. We have accepted the fact that sex isn't anywhere as frequent as it used to be and it's OK. Every once in a while I sometimes wish we could turn back time to maybe 10 years ago when that's all we thought about. :P Take care, Tina

Tina, thank you for your kind reply. Its good to know that I am not alone.