Hi everyone, My depression is back full bloom since I know I have to return to work tomorrow to a job where I have no one to relieve me if I have to use the bathroom. I don't want to wear depends again; I can't even wear underwear yet since my ureretha is so sensitive. My problems is I don't want to be an "undependable" employee. I cry and cry because I have been so undependable since I haven't been to work in 3 weeks and have had lots of doctors appointments before then. I am still passing stones and catching them, and having ureretha pain before I pass these stones but it is now bearable. I cannot sit straight in a chair, I have to lean to one side or another to take the pressure off sitting on the ureretha. How can I do that all day at work? My back is killing me. All I want to do is stay inside the house, curled up on the couch, and pee every 1/2 hour. This entire ordeal has equally affected me both physical and mentally. I am so tired but I fight it. My body hurts, I don't want to go anywhere. I feel safe at home and I don't care about getting out. This has happened before in 2001. I called my psychiatrist but cannot get in until the 29th. They gave me a prescription for xanax but it's not helping. I know I will not be able to keep this job where I am unable to "go" when I need to. My mind is spinning - do I quit, do I try it and hope it gets better? I still have alot of healing to do - will my company understand - unlikely. I don't know what to do. I am a mental mess. My husband can't understand but he listens. I feel like I am on the verge of freaking out again. Help !!! Any suggestions ?? How do I cope? Tina

An added note here: While seeing my urologist while I was in horrible pain, he suggested I see a psycihatrist since I needed to calm down. How can you calm down when in such pain? How can he understand when he's never had kidney stones plus other complications? This is another thought that has been running through my mind - maybe he is right - maybe I am a lunatic. I let things fester like that then it really gets to me to where I'm not sure of myself anylonger.

HI Tina First of all.....you are not a lunatic! Anyone who has been thru what you have would be feeling the same way you are now. I'm sorry you are still in pain and having to deal with these other problems. Have you told the Doc you are at a job that does not allow for going to the bathroom when needed? Maybe he can say it is still to soon for you to go back to work. This way you can still have a couple of more weeks to recouperate. Just curious, what kind of a job does not allow you to go to the bathroom whenever you want to? If you do have to go to work,explain to your boss that you will have to use the bathroom more than a few times a day,so you will have to leave your desk(?) every now and then. See how it goes tomorrow and then you can make the decision to either go to the doc to ask for the work extension, or if worse comes to worse, ask your boss if it's possible to take the rest of your vacation time til you heal up. Hope this helps you some. Let me know what happens. Peace AA

Thanks AA: It's a front dest receptionist -busy area answering a non-stop mondernized switchboard with calls that come in 3-4 at a time. Cannot leave due to the phone. My boss will be going on vacation Tues so I might have 2 others to relieve me. All I get from the other girls that can when I ask is a big sigh and "i'll be there in a minute". That's my big worry. I won't be able to wait a minute when I have to go. This is the same boss who wanted me back in a week. Plus my company had the doctor fill out 2 pages of what's wrong with me (against the new HIPPA laws) with my date of return stated on there. My company called me Friday afternoon stating I cannot come back until I have a doctors note. I can come in at 8:00 but if I do not have it by noon, I have to go home. And yes, I am passing more stones this weekend and will talk to him about taking another week off. It will ruin my bosses vacation and she will find someone else to fill in for me but I really think it is in my best interest to give my 2-week notice tomorow and find a job where I have the freedom to get up and move around if I have to. Literally, I am chained that front desk and it's horrible. Thanks, Tina

Tina, First off {{{hugs}}} you have been through the wringer. You need to be kind to yourself and it sounds like (in your last post) that you are. It doesn't sound like you are in a supportive environment and if you can financially swing it then it might be best to find another job. I have not been through what you've gone through but I do suffer from bouts of depression. Pain can wear you thin and is a quick road to depression. These are the times I know I've got to do good things for myself without guilt or self redicule. I like hot baths with soothing music and a cup of sleepy time tea afterwards. Remember you are the most important person right now, take care of you. Best of luck.

Oh Tina, that sounds like my old story. Thankfully I left a few years ago and work from home! My daughter is now going through the same with IBS. Sometimes she can manage work but sometimes she has s& d so bad she can't possibly work and they are sooo unsympathetic at her work and have ignored the possible number of days off that the doctor told them to expect. She is made to feel like a bad person and that doesn't help her anx. You are obviously going to be anxious when you are expecting pain! Get more sick leave and b****r what anyone else thinks. But make sure that you take short walks/outings so you don't become agoraphobic. It can creep up on you! Can you buy a child's rubber (swimming) ring to sit on?

I understand how you feel and my prayers are with you. I feel the same way (don't want to leave the house), but over a bunch of other things. I would say to try to be strong at work and know you can only do what you are physically able to do, and no job is more important than your well-being. If you are sick and have your doctor's backing, the company should not be able to "pull" anything without facing a law suit, I would think. So don't worry as much and just do the best you can and no more.

Hi Tina, You know I have interstitial cystitis, and, honey, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! Bladder/urethral pain is almost unbearable. I tell people it's a very upsetting kind of pain, almost as if someone poked a finger into your eye and you had to walk around with it in there all day. You just want to get the finger out! It troubles me terribly that there are jobs where people can't take bathroom breaks - this feels downright inhumane. Definitely see how it goes, and do what you have to to make yourself feel better. It certainly won't facilitate your healing - both physical and emotional - to be in an environment which I agree, doesn't sound very supportive. I so wish you well with this. Let us know what happens, dear friend!

Tina, What an ordeal... Take good care and get all the rest you need to heal and be well. All the best, nj

NJ, Jacquie, Aimee, Alice, WebbyMom, and AA: Thank you my meno sisters for your support and love. Your understanding and compassion have made my day. I love you all. I called my boss this morning at 7:30 and told her I just could not come in and sit all day. My body is not ready for it. I was proud of myself for standing up for myself. She was not happy because she had to find other people to relieve me, but you know what? I can't help it. Then I called our Human Resources Manager and she agreed that it's not time for me to come back and this is not the type of position I need. My position has now been entered into a "pool" position and when I am ready to return (with a doctor's note), if there are any available positions open where I can have freedom to run to the bathroom, I will get the position. There are no available positions now. The HR Manager relayed this conversation to my boss today. I feel like I've had a ton lifted off my shoulders; I am so relieved for making a decision and sticking with it. I even rested peacefully today and will continue to do so until I am better. My doctor was on vacation today so I could not have returned anyway. I am going to ask for at least 1-2 more weeks off. I need it. I am passing more stones - average of 4 a day and they are larger than before. Not alot of pain, only when they try to come out and get stuck in the ureretha so perhaps this is the last of the lot of what they blasted out. Sounds logical to me, huh? If this ordeal has taught me anything, it is not to feel guilty over something I have no control over. Thank God for that lesson. And Most of All ..Thank God for all of you ... XOXOXO, Tina

HI Tina Good for you!! I'm proud of you. Whatever time you need to heal, just take it without feeling guilty. There is only one you, and that is the only person you should be worrying about right now. Everything else will fall into place eventually. Peace aa aa TextBlack[

Tina, I'm so happy for you! Ditto on what Anxiety said. {{{HUGS}}}

I agree, Tina.. BRAVO!!!!!! Take the time to rest deeply, and get yourself well again. Savor your time off, and do some special, gentle things. You have indeed been through an ordeal - now it's YOUR time.

Tina, I know exactly what you are talking about with being chained to the desk and needing people to relieve you. I had this type of a job for years. We had a busy front desk with people walking in constantly and telephone calls like you at 3-4 at a time. I'd have to go to the restroom and I'd get that same attitude from co-workers ("I'll be there in a minute.") I didn't have kidney stones, but I'm not much good at holding it very long without problems. I'm sure you couldn't do this, but I'd actually get up from the desk and go to the restroom without relief if I couldn't wait. I don't know if there is any solution to this kind of dilemma. We only got one break before lunch, and there'd be no way I could go that long. At this same job, I had to attend this awful three-hour meetings where people talked and talked. They expected me to just sit forever, hanging on every word when I wanted to scream. I'd get up there, too, and leave. Okay, so fire me, what am I supposed to do? One of my supervisors laughed at me and said I must have a bladder problem. Just wanted to let you know that I know exactly what you went through, and I'm glad you are out of there!

Thank you all so much for your wonderful words of encouragement. I've been out of town since Saturday morning visiting my family back home. CSugar - I think you and I worked at the same place. I also despise meetings where people talked and chatted for half the meetings - so unproductive. I would get one break in the morning and one in the afternoon. One of my old co-workers who used to be the receptionist (3 or 4 receptionists ago) said she did the same thing - getting up from the desk without a relief except she put a big sign up at the front desk while she was gone and just let the phone ring !! She said I was the only one who lasted that long in that position. I'm back from 4 days of going home to Mom's and that wasn't good mental therapy. She's still mean and remarked that I've gained considerable weight since I last saw her. She was picking on me like this in front of all of my family, including my son's friend. I have lost weight since I saw her last September. This kidney medication makes me sick and leaves me with no appetite. I didn't fight back - just went outside and sat on the front porch and fought back the tears and wondered why God made her so spiteful. Jacquie - oh thank you for I am so much better. I'm still having "little accidents" trying to get to the bathroom and burning in the ureretha and use ursept (sp) medication for that. I am taking my time but do have my resume ready. I am getting a little bored not having much to do & I haven't heard back from the law firm that called me. I think I'll just go to a temp company and work part-time. AA & WebbyMom - Thank You. I am finally proud of myself for saying NO. I have not heard a peep from my old boss so I suppose she's mad at me. That's OK, I'm sure that replacement they said was interested in that job is now in place. Love & Hugs :D Tina

Hi Tina, I'm so sorry you're feeling down and worried and conflicted. Here you are in peri, AND you're recovering from an operation, AND you're concerned about your job. These are very real challenges. To work at a job that doesn't allow you the opportunity to use the bathroom seems a very unhealthy situation for anyone. Who wouldn't want to stay home and curl up on the sofa? What is the dose of Xanax you were given? Perhaps it is too low. Are you currently taking an antidepressant? You're going thru a very rough time, and the best medicine is to treat yourself very kindly. If your best friend was going thru what you're going thru, what would you say to her? Say the same supportive things to yourself, over and over again. Thinking of you. Cesca

Tina, I wish I could give you a BIG hug. My mother is mean, too, and many, many times things that she has said and done have made me cry. That was a while back, but I taught myself to stop crying and feeling hurt, and learn instead to protect my heart against it in the future. Your mother is probably jealous because you lost weight and she can't. I'm so sorry that you didn't have a good visit, because you certainly deserve it after that stupid job. I hope things get better for you and I'm giving you a hug (( )) anyway!

Don't get me started on the topic of business meetings... Years ago I did secretarial work at some different places, and whenever that damn "whiteboard" and the magic markers came out, I just immediately went braindead. We'd make these long brainstorming lists that were always immediately forgotten as everyone left the room. And there were always the requisite "peeing contests" between a couple of the coworkers. Yuck! Tina, I'm sorry your mom was so unkind. You'd think she would have thrown her arms around you and given you the solace you deserve for having been courageous when facing a scary surgery. It would have been nice to hear that she was relieved to know you were well again! Bless you; sometimes we just need to create more loving "families" closer to home. Working temp jobs can be a good option for those of us on the meno rollercoaster. Work when you wish, for whom you wish. Yes, the benefits aren't there, but at least here in Maine, there's no one I know who's getting the benefits they used to even 5 years ago - seems most employers are cutting that stuff back (or out altogether). Gee, I hope your replacement at the old job has a super-strong bladder capacity! Keep getting well, dear Friend.

Hello All,
I go through similar urinary problems but I am trying to conquer with unprocessed foods, (no bread, sugar, cafeine, etc,) since these ingredients rob our bodies of health and drink alot of water (almost a cup per hour) to flush out ecessive hormones.
My medical doctor has recommended these steps especially in the last two weeks of cycle when all gets worse. Natural progesterone also helped me. I am worried about all the meds because some day they will be stopped and then the crash could be worse than all before! There are days when deep breathing is all that will get you through. My period has stopped for 8 months and I still get an intense
discomfort the two weeks before the period used to begin! Amazing! Hope you are feeling better and a homeopath could be a big help getting you on a natural diet. Hope this helps!