OK I have to wonder what the creator was thinking when it was decided that not only should women go through menopause at a certain time of life but have to deal with other huge changes too. My son ( only child) just graduated from college ( proud Mom) and now he's decided to move 2,000 miles away. I'm trying so very hard to be supportive of his move, he's got a great job waiting for him and his girl friend also has a great job there and they're going together. I know it's time to let go but why does he have to go so far?? I know he was concerned about leaving me and his Grandmother ( that's the whole family) so I had to be strong and tell him I'd hate for him to regret not going 10 years from now. Anyway, I just needed to vent to some people who understand this madness called middle age. Thanks for listening. Sue

(((Sue))) I can sure relate to this. My son is also an only child and it tears my heart apart whenever he leaves "home". He doesn't even call our house home anymore but rather where he lives for graduate school. He's not as far away as your son, but just seeing him leave every time is so painful. Way back, I knew about "empty nest syndrome" and when we dropped him off for college the first time I had it bad. I had no idea that this was going to repeat itself every visit. Your son sounds liks a wonderful person and I'm sure he'll keep in close contact with you - small consolation, I know, but one we parents have to deal with. Lots of us here understand, Sue, and offer you shoulders to lean on. Best of luck to you!

I can sure sympathize with both of you. I had a very difficult time when my kids left to go to college. I had dreaded it since they were little. I had to cover up my feelings and it was hard. My daughter ended living in the same town and my son still lives at home so I did all that sobbing etc for nothing. Now I kind of wish he would move out. I am thinking that if my son moved 2000 miles away I would make sure he has the internet so we could exchange emails and possibly even talk in one of the chat rooms like Paltalk. Maybe you could look into that. I just want you to know that you are not alone.

Hi all, I sure can sympathize with you - my 2 sons moved away at the same time. We live in NY and one moved to florida and the other to California! I still have my 17-year-old daughter at home but my family went from 5 to 3 overnight. My son who moved to Cali decided he was coming back after 1 year (that's ok with me ) but now he wants to transfer to a school - get this- in Hawaii. He's very much a traveler and really does pay his own way - so what can I really say. He's young and loves to travel. It's just hard on me. You're right - at this time with all the weird things going on - to have your kids leave is sad - my husband doesn't really see it as sad - do you think that's a man-thing? He thinks its great that they're on their own. I miss them.

Mums are sad to lose sons and Dads sad to lose daughters. Now, where can I get a son?

Although saying that I hated leaving home and my Mum:( Now she's gone I'm lost without her (even worse since I lost Dad too!)

Y'know, I feel terribly guilty, because I loved my children, but I would give anything to see my son move on. He's almost 25 and just moved back. Menopause has rendered me crazy, and all we do is fight. Shoot, maybe I'm turning into a man. No, of course I feel guilty after each awful confrontation. He was sweet, he cleaned the garage, to fit his stuff in. However, this mess he creates everywhere is overwhelming, considering how NUTZO this chronic hormonal crap has mad me. I feel so panicky, sad and guilty. I'm really considering moving out and living alone. My husband, the workaholic will have to finance the apartment considering I'm unable to find a job. I want to go back, to SANITY!!!!

My oldest son just moved out within the past few weeks.I had a very hard time with it at first,i cried alot,was very sad,felt empty,etc.(even though i have 2 more sons at home)........then i realized i'm not "losing" him,that i shouldn't be mourning,i should be happy that i have raised him and he is able to venture out and have a life of his own and I should be proud of him.He visits and calls often and we get along better than when he lived at home.

And just wait until they introduce "Daughter in Law":o

No one's had the revolving empty nest I take it. My head is spinning.

My son graduated college with high honors. I really need to be patient. This empty nest spins, like my hormonal head. Wow, your kids really just bolted. Unreal!!!!!!!

And, I am proud of my son, but we butt heads!!!!!! And, what the heck is flying out of my mouth. You guys are lucky. I hope you don't hit the mean streak. Sour grapes. And, I was the woman, who was "so nice," and "got along with everyone." Too nice, ya think.

ANd, his IQ is HIGH!!!!!!!!!Too busy thinking, I guess.

ANd, his IQ is HIGH!!!!!!!!!Too busy thinking, I guess.

ALice, Would you like a son. My daughter has enough sense not to argue with the menopausal. Oy Vey, I paid for part of the degree in Philosophy. He's an expert in the art of arguement. Give it up, Chris. No, I wouldn't trade my son, as he's too precious. But, in, out, in, out. First real job, grad school. Stressful days!!!!!!!! All the kids are stressed. Times aren't easy in this world of declining work benefits.

alice--we have met possible daughter in law, and we must be very lucky! What a wonderful easy-going girl! We tease son#1 that if they ever break up, we are keeping HER, and he can go to live with her parents, if they'll have him. She is a tall, brown eyed red head in a sea of blue eyed blonds here in our house, and is so sweet and very REAL. I hear so many horror stories about the girls that sons bring home, I've been bracing for it.

Virgo, With such a wonderful attitude toward this young woman, if she does become your daughter-in-law, you're apt to have a beautiful friendship. I'm happy for you both!

I am facing the pending empty nest and I must say it's quite unsettling. My 21 year old is gone off to begin his life and my 15 and 13 year olds are not too far behind (although I have a few years left with them). Is it more difficult dealing with the empty nest if you're a single parent? I have been a single parent for the last 12 years and I wonder if it is worse for us. Or is it worse to have your kids leave home and then be faced with a partner you a) no longer know or no longer have anything in common with....what do you think?

My daughter graduated college and a few weeks ago moved to Los Angeles, about 50 miles away. A week later my 20 year old twin boys moved out with a couple of Fraternity brothers- 50 miles the other way. I WAS sad... and I DO miss them, but isn't this what I wanted for them?? Didn't I raise them in hopes they would be independent, and capable??? I'm a single mom, and I guess if I made this about ME, then it would be more difficult. I just remind myself DAILY that their desire to live life on their own has nothing to do with me, it's about THEM. And I'm a very proud Mom with an open door policy. ((((HUGZZZ)))) to my fellow empty nesters, but take pride in knowing you did a GOOD JOB!!

Wow, beautifully said, Leanne. My daughter is soon going to be moving about an hour away, and I needed to hear this right now. Thanks so much.

Well he's moved. My dear boyfriend ( I wish I had a better term for him, makes him sound 17 LOL ) drove the truck , 3 days with a broken air conditioner...and me in a horrible mood anyway. God Bless my guy who was calm through the whole mess. Anyway the kid has been there a month and is already talking about grad school next fall back up here. Guess his introduction to the real world wasn't what he expected. In the mean time since we've been back my boyfriend ( we've been together 6 years) was told he may have leukemia, so I haven't really had time to think about missing my son alot. The world works in strange ways. Thanks for all the feed back and sharing, I'm sorry I haven't been on to say that before now but with everything that's been going on I've been a bit frazzeled.

Good luck with your boyfriend. You've had a lot to deal with during meno. One of my sons (the oldest) is 55 miles away at college and the other is about 1300 miles away, also at college. The oldest was very difficult and so it was peaceful once he moved out. We love him dearly and he's matured a lot in the last 4 years. We do get to see him a lot. (Especially when he's hungry or needs money. ) My youngest was a real pleasure and we really enjoyed the 3 years we had alone with him. But we were so happy for him because he was accepted to a great school and he has a world of opportunities in front of him. So we couldn't feel sorry for ourselves. In the meantime, we've enjoyed being empty nesters and have done a lot of things we always wanted to do. Good luck with everything. And let us know how things are going with your boyfriend.

CO Woman-- That's where we will be in 3 weeks. Son #2 (last son) is moving to college. Actually he is there for the weekend and putting some of his stuff in his brother's storage area so that we won't have to take so much on orintation day in 3 weeks. Brother is at that college already, so we are happy they will be together---in the same dorm even! They have grown so close, the oldest begged the dorm people to let them be in the same building (not the same room--they are two years apart and it's good for them to get used to living with other people.) Hubby and I are excited about the idea of being alone finally after years of our lives being all about the boys. We love them dearly, but it will be a nice change. No more complaints at the table about what we're having---DH is very easy to please and we like the same things. Laundry for two, dinner for two, ---we and the dog. I will miss them terribly, but this is where we should be in life right now........

My son and his new wife will be moving out in two weeks. I'm pretty much a pro at this but still will miss them. In 99 after graduating college my son went to Uzbekistan to teach with the peace corps. He returned one month later after the 9-11 attacks. He waited another year for a new assignment and off to Africa he went. But returned 10 months later, after Africa was not what he expected.. Just worrying about him flying gave me grey hair. He's been working since returning from Africa to save money and now off to Law School> At least on US soil! His wife whom is Thai moved in a month ago after their wedding and I love her dearly, she's such a doll, BUT HELLO all their stuff is squeeze in every available floor place in my house. No kidding there is a small path to the kitchen. So I'm looking forward to having the house clutter free again. . But there will be tears! ~C

When DD left home we started going out more,travelling more and life was hunky dory then boom... it's too quiet, no comings and goings...reactions to different foods makes me not want to go far...husband is always working... sigh:(

I'm worried about that very thing, Alice. My dh has eaten and sedentaried (is that a word? ) himself up to over 300# and can do so little anymore. He has trouble getting out of a chair. Son #2 (last one) is going off to college in 2 weeks and there is a 3 day orientation in which there is much walking around campus for the parents. I know dh is going to be sitting on a bench somewhere and not be able to go to any of the events. It saddens me. Mind you, this is his own doing---truly---I do not say this casually, I am a nurse and he was in good physical shape at one time, but prefers to sit at the computer and has a desk job, and hardly ever moves. At age 50, his muscles are beginning to atrophy and he has no stamina. He will not go out to eat anymore, or do anything with me. I know he is depressed, but when I MADE him mention it to the doctor 6 mos ago, he refused to go through with any of the doctors suggestions for treatment. For awhile he was exercising on a recumbent bike we bought for him for father's day, and he was doing fine, but he just never follows through on any exercise regime at all. I feel so unhappy and hopeless about our future together sometimes. We talked of doing so many things together when the kids went off to school. Now, I feel as though I will be 'taking care' of him instead---I picture him on oxygen and in a wheelcahir by age 55. I have gone into our exercise area and exercised with him, I have been as much an enthusiastic 'cheerleader' as I can, and I try to cook properly for him. I can't control what he gets up in the middle of the night and eats. No amount of loving support seems to 'jar' him. He calls himself a 'self-proclaimed slug'. I feel helpless to improve our future together and there are so many things I want to do with the last 1/2 of my life. Just venting, I guess.

Virgomom, not sure where you live, but is it in a place where the weather is nice enough for you to take short walks in the evenings? When my boys went off to college and we found ourselves empty nesters, we really got into hiking. But the climate here in Colorado isn't as oppressive in the summer as other parts of the U.S. (and world for that matter). We try to get out and walk whenever we can in the evenings (though lately, I've been the one avoiding it because I've been so hot w/ meno). I truly feel for you. I'm thankful that hubby and I were able to retire at young ages while we still are up to doing these things. You have to get your dh moving around, but it sounds like a lot of the problem is in his head -- depression. Good luck. COwoman PS We just put our youngest son on the plane to go back to college yesterday after he was home for 3 weeks. I keep expecting to see him come out of his bedroom at any time now. So it's like going thru the withdrawal all over again. I really miss him.

COWoman--thanks for the reply. The scary thing is that he has gotten so far gone physically, that we have tried to walk many times, and he ends up tiring out after a couple of blocks, his back hurts (which he fully admits is made worse, if not totally caused) by the belly and weight issues. He has seen a doc for all of it, and they say---some arthritis--just the usual amount---and he needs to bail the belly. It seems to be a vicious circle for him ---the 'bailing' entails some exercise, and exercise is painful and exhausting for him. I will admit, he is a bit of a whiner , but never so much as now have I been afraid he has gotten himself too far 'in the hole'. Unable to dig his way out through even diet and exercise. I hope I'm wrong...... After a walk, he needs a back rub and complains bitterly for the rest of the night, often angry at me for 'bullying' him into it. As you can imagine, this makes me not too anxious to get him out again, even for his own good and 'ours'. I could just scream. Our sons are home from college and they can really see it in him--the lack of stamina, the all-out-laziness. He seems to have no drive to make it better. We have discussed his starting out on the recumbent bike until his legs are stronger and he has lost some weight, and THEN moving on to walking when he's more able, but he tries to push it too fast and walk for 20 minutes on the treadmill or somehting---hurts himself---and then gives up. :mad: He can be so aggravating! Well, I will continue to do my best to get him back in shape. That has become my goal for the next 2-3 years or so (besides getting this house organized-) and I won't give up. I know he was happier and more outgoing when he was an decent physical shape (I don't mean a marathoner) and that person is still in there somewhere!

PS--I know what you're saying about your son. I have been taking photos of the boys this past couple of weeks at home and around the house (much to their chagrin-) like pix of them waking up in the AFTERNOON () and their hair is all over the place, and at the table eating with their weeks growth of beard. (Not the younger one, as he still has a job for another week or so), and snacking in the kitchen and at the computer. The usual places and activities. Then I am hanging them up on a wall in the kitchen to keep them near me, and see them as they were here last. They'll be home for a week in October, but this will get me by. I think if they see me with the camera again, I am going to have to run and hide. But, they have a little smile when they are complaining. They know I love them.......

Virgo , I'm sorry to hear about your hubby's lack of motivation. I know what it feels like as I was pushing the 300lb mark myself about 18 months ago. Since then I've lost about 60 lbs and I can't tell you how much better I feel , I'm still continuing to slowly loose and it's a battle every day. Funny I have the oposite problem with my signifigant other, he has always been a ball of energy and now since his leukemia diagnosis he gets fatigued very easily and gets so frustrated. He tries to ignore it and keep going but of course that only makes it worse. I keep telling him he needs to listen to what his body is telling him and not over do it but he doesn't listen. MEN !! we can't live with em and can't live without em. Mean time the man I'm living without ( my son ) is doing well in Florida although I'm not sure he's thrilled with the "real world" . Sometimes I just have to laugh. HAve a great day and I'll keep a good thought for you and hubby.

I can't talk because both myself and DH are overweight but perhaps you should remind him that you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone, as he's so important to you and that he is setting himself up for a heart attack! What is it with men that they don't want to take responsibility for their own health? My DH is the same and will push himself work-wise way beyond what should be enough!

Sue--congrats on the terrific weight loss! That is so hard to do---at any time---but even more so at this time in our lives when the metabolism slows and the midsection fat goes on. I hope your hubby's prognosis is good. How is he being treated and is it effective? Is he getting better? alice-I am also overweight (about 40# maybe) but I can't imagine why , truly. I garden, walk my dog, run sometimes (I can still jump on the treadmill and do 2 miles), and I do all the household chores and outdoor things such as taking care of our pool. I do yoga and balance ball workouts and try to keep in shape. I eat almost vegan. The weight stays.....and stays...... But, I am happy that I am fit and strong and can do these things. That is why I wish hubby would just try to MOVE (as opposed to trying to train for the next triathlon). His weight is up there, but it doesn't concern me as much as the way he's becoming disabled from inactivity. Oh, well. He did get up and get on his staionary bike this am, so I am heartened! I have read that you garden on these boards and I know that you must be at some level of fitness to do that. I get up a pretty good sweat out in the garden!

As of today, I am officially an empty nester! We took our last son to college yesterday, and left him at the dorm. He is in the same dorm as his brother, although a different room. I just talked with him for awhile on AOL, and they are having a blast. Lots of orientation events and stuff. Hubby and I are going to take awhile, I think, for it all to sink in that this is IT. But, I am so glad for them. They are both at the college that was first pick for them, and they are in heaven. They are NOT the type to gte homesick and I am not the type to cry about stuff like this, so all is well. Feels like we are ambarking on 'phaseII' of our lives here.

ooops.. EMbarking.

Hi all, I'm a single mom and have been for the last 6 yrs. I have dreaded the empty nest for the last 6 yrs !! I took my youngest to college yesterday and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. My eyes are so swollen from crying!! I've always been "MOM" and I really don't know how to be a part time mom. I've been told now is the time to be selfish.....I DON'T KNOW HOW!! My kids have been my life.....I don't know what to do without them home. We prepare them to lead their own lives....but forget to prepare ourselves for when that day comes. All I can say is that it's not FAIR!! I haven't really dated alot in the last 6 yrs because I felt that raising my kids was my job and mine alone. Any suggestions?? Crying in NY....... Ms.Beaner

I'm not sure anymore how I will handle the empty nest. At one time I had plans down on paper of all the things to do, try, put away...My son will be 17 in 4 days. He's a sophmore this year so still 2 years of high school. My youngest daughter just turned 10 so have plenty more years till I have to really think about it. Lots of things on my list will change by then i'm sure. Not sure what the first step be when confronted with this head on. I think going to dinner right after work , calling home and leaving myself a message on the machine like "leaving this message to myself just because now I don't have to call home". Dreaming, dreaming... If you girls get it figured out ( how to cope) please write it here so I can go where others have tread.

Ms.Beaner: Oh, my heart goes out to you. I have one son left at home who will be leaving in May to finish his senior year of HS back "home" in MD. I can only try to make the last remaining months I have with him fun, happy, and enjoyable for him. I want him leave with plenty of lifelong good memories filled with fun, laughter, and love. I haven't learned how to be selfish either. It's just not part of my MO. Once my husband begins to travel again, I will be totally alone at home 4-5 nights per week. I work for a non-profit Hospice and my husband and I do alot of volunteer work (fund-raisers and community involvement). I suppose I will continue to do that a few times each month without him with me. My conclusion after alot of thinking when my oldest son left is to pray he is safe, that he's learned to take care of himself, that he continues to always be kind to others, and learn to be a responsible young adult. It's all we can hope and pray for. I don't think of it as a time when our work as Moms is over; instead I think of it as a time of transition where we are still Moms but slowly change from a parent to a friend. This is how my relationship with my son who is 20 1/2 is now. It's wonderful. I hope this helps. Take care, Tina

(((((( Ms. Beaner))))))) I'm so sorry, I know just how you feel. All I can tell you is, it does get better. Actually it got to be kind of funny when my son was in college because I couldn't wait for him to get home for the summer and by July I was wondering when school would start again. Actually what also helped me was I got a job where I work with kids at risk. So I can still use my mothering mode but the good news is I don't have to bring them home with me and do their laundry . Hang in there, maybe you could volunteer someplace like Big Brothers Big Sisters? By the way where in NY are you ? I'm wayyyyyyyy up north around Watertown.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Today I've been having waves of lonliness overcome me, and have been crying alot! I miss him so much. Since my divorce my son and I became real close, it feels like a part of my heart is missing. On a brighter note I have a grandbaby that is due anyday now, plus my Jayla is going to have 9 puppies, so I'm sure once they get here I'll have plenty to do. Although they won't replace the emptiness I feel for my son. I have 3 boys and all are gone..... SueK............ I live about 2 hours from you, I'm east of Syracuse about 20 miles

You all have made me weepy again; these tears come on easy. I went through so much planning my daughter's wedding and then her new husband gets a job in another state. I miss her so much. She doesn't email as much as I would like and they are short e-mails. I think I e-mail her too much; I have so much I want to talk to her about. I am trying to let go. I have a son left at home, but he is 19, and I love him very much. When he leaves it will be me and my HUSBAND! Yikes! Now that will be a story!