(((((places2go))))))

All your discription above.....wow sonds like the person i was before all this......where have i gone??
that is a wonderfull end to your post the'Lighthouse' very deep truthfull and inspireing.

Love&Peace xxxxx

Human Identical Hormones for Hormone Replacement Therapy

The abrupt cessation of a branch of the Women's Health Initiative Randomized Controlled Trial (WHI) (a study funded by the NIH, National Institute of Health) caused a media frenzy and raised concerns regarding Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) by both the professional and lay community. Interestingly, this WHI study was actually one of two studies which had results published at approximately the same time. The other study was the The Heart and Estrogen / Progestin Replacement Study Follow-up (HERS II) study.

The WHI trial consisted of 16,608 post-menopausal women age 50-79 years with an intact uterus at baseline who were recruited by 40 US clinical centers from 1993-1998. The women took Premarin 0.625 milligrams plus Provera 2.5 milligrams (a combination called PremPro) each day, or they took a placebo (a similar pill with no medication) each day, and were unaware of which pill they were taking. The Women's Health Initiative was asking the question "Does hormone replacement with PremPro decrease the risk of chronic disease in healthy women who have their uterus and ovaries."

This study was ended early on May 31, 2002 after 5 years due to an increase in the risk of breast cancer of 26% in the group receiving PremPro. Because this study was ended early, it is difficult to interpret the results for heart disease. However, preliminary results (those that were seen with the amount of time that elapsed during the study) demonstrated that there was an increased risk for non-fatal heart attacks, stroke, and blood clots (deep vein thrombosis (DVT) and pulmonary embolism (PE)). Again, it is important to note that because this study was ended early, it is difficult to determine whether these "heart effects" would have been reduced with continued treatment once the "initial high risk period" of treatment is complete. Benefits from treatment in this study included a reduction in fractures, conferring protection from osteoporosis or "bone disease". The authors of this study commented that “the results of this study do not necessarily apply to other formulations of oral estrogens and progestins (natural progesterone).” In addition, they stated that “it remains possible that estradiol with progesterone, which more closely mimics the normal physiology and metabolism of endogenous sex hormones, may provide a different risk-benefit profile”.

The recently published HERS II study consisted of 2,321 post-menopausal women in which treatment with hormones (most patients received Premarin 0.625 mg) was compared to no hormone treatment to evaluate the benefit on coronary heart disease, as well as non-cardiovascular effects such as cancer. This study demonstrated no differences with regard to cardiovascular (heart) effects for patients who were treated with hormones versus patients who received no treatment with hormones. Additionally, this study showed that after an initial treatment period of 2 years with hormones, the risk of blood clots declined to a non-significant difference. Therefore, long-term there is no increased risk of blood clots. The HERS II study also demonstrated that there were no differences between the hormone group and the placebo (sugar pill) group in the incidence or occurrence of any types of cancer.

Both of these studies strengthen the idea that Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) should be in the form of human identical hormones, also known as bioidentical hormone therapy (bHT), and not products like PremPro and Premarin that are totally foreign to the human female. The concept that estrogens and progesterone coming from horse placentas or created in the laboratory will have positive long-term benefits in the human female simply makes no sense. The bHT matches exactly the estrogens and progesterone made by the ovary, and therefore fit exactly on the cell receptors as nature intended. These hormones are extracted from various plants and have been available by prescription for many years.

There have been some studies with positive benefits of bHT in reducing the risk of heart disease, osteoporosis, stroke, cancer and Alzheimer's disease. Generally, these studies showed no increased risk of breast or endometrial cancer. Clearly, there have been contrasting results with PremPro, and the authors of the WHI trial have even alluded that the results may have been different with bHT. The bottom line conclusion is that continued clinical research is needed to further prove the benefits of bHT in preventing heart disease, stroke, cancer, and Alzheimer’s disease in absence of an increased risk of breast cancer. In the interim, however, hormone replacement therapy with bHT continues to help women in many ways, including improvement in quality of life, by treating various symptoms associated with menopause.
Paul Hueseman, Pharm.D.

You sounded alot like me. It will take time..My mother passed away at 43 years old and my dad was 50, they died a year apart and it has been 26 years ago. I was 26 at the time. It was at least 10 years before me and my 3 siblings talked normally. I could not be around some of them because it was always talk about remember when, and it made my anxiety go out of control. I think all 4 of us kids at the time and sometimes now, just are not the same since our parents passing. It has effected each of us in its own way, and since we are all different individuals, even though siblings, each of us has our own way of dealing with things. Sometimes we do not always realize that it is the death of a loved one that is making us act differently. At times just talking on the phone to one of my brothers or sisters would bring up feelings of panic and anxiety, so I would stop contacting them....to avoid the internal feelings. And even though it has been so long ago, it is something that effects you whether you want it to or not forever. It gets better, then a bad day, then a cry day, mad day, etc. Even after 26 years. But I have come to realize that their deaths were out of my hands, at Gods own timing for a reason which we will not know right now, and that there was something we were to learn from not having them here any longer. It is ok, write me anytime, I am at resam10@hotmail.com and by the way, my sister and I did not become close again until about a year ago, and I am the oldest. Now you could not separate us for a moment. And talk about things that happened after "Dad Died". Girl, do I have a story to tell there too!!!! I think thats what started OUR own separation with siblings and relatives. Keep your chin up, and feel free to email to chat or vent or whine or question anytime. Teri

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes......once I burp the palps (or skipped heart beats) are better. And yes, Doc looks at me like I am crazy. I read your comment and thought...At Last, verification that I am not insane............Yeah!!!! Teri

What was I like before perimenopause?

A survivor of alcoholic/abusive parents, I became a strong, independent woman who was always positive, even while facing adversity. My first husband could not handle the responsibility of an unplanned pregnancy – my first child I raised by myself for the first eight years. Swearing that “hell will freeze over before I remarry”, it snowed on September 12th, 1993, the evening of my second wedding. Close enough to “freezing over” for me – what do you think?

Emotionally I was highly sensitive but kept it under control as life in general and the business world finds no value in emotions (sensitivities). Art, reading, gardening, studying something new and exercising released my pent up emotions and frustrations. Laughter was a major ingredient for my 20+ years of success; keeping my true (emotional) self separate from my (unemotional) work-self.

I am a 24 year Admin Assistant veteran; working in the fields of Law, Computers, Construction, Consumer Goods Manufacturing and Agriculture. I have supported staff settings consisting of 10 to 250 peoples, from janitors to CFO’s, within Accounting to Manufacturing departments, in predominately male environments. Few times I had the honor of reporting to female execs (my personal preference as they don’t fear delegating responsibility as men do). I even hold a Business Admin w/Information Systems degree which has been of no value towards advancing my career. Oh well, it was a pleasurable learning experience still.

I have made many mistakes in my life, only to learn from them and move forward. I have made some bad decisions in my life too, but my good ones overshadow those moments. *S* My best decision was moving my learning disabled daughter from one state’s school system, that failed to teach after three years of attendance; then threatening me if I should “make waves”. Moving to another state where four weeks into a country school, and with the aid of 11 children ranging between the ages of 5-13, my daughter read to me, wrote her entire name, quoted the ABC’s and counted to twenty – all for the very first time. She is a high school graduate with aspirations for vet technician and masseuse.

I never procrastinated, or slack from my duties as a co-worker, friend, daughter, wife or mother (not in order of importance). I have always been optimistic even when the evidence proves otherwise – I am a survivor, remember? I am a take charge kind of person, whether to lead or as part of a team, doesn’t matter to me – let’s just get it done. I never wasted time looking for blame, instead focused on a solution.

Today…

Since 2001, I have struggled with keeping my emotions at bay. Since 2004 I cried minimally twice a month on my job. At least monthly I “told off” minimally one managerial or engineer prima donna - whether a co-worker or a client. Sadly, I was never reprimanded because everyone agreed with me so “let-by-gones-be-by-gones”. My behavior was just wrong and so not like me. I retired from corporate America in 2004, to start my secretarial business in 2005 only to have it fold in 2006. I made $300 that first year out!

Looking back, over the past 8 years my high sensitivities dominated me more and more; uncontrollably. In 2006 I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue and thyroid disease – a precursor to perimenopause (?). In 2007 did my perimenopause escalate to a major psychotic episode that lasted weeks, only to include the following symptoms too:

• Severe depression w/ suicidal thoughts
• Acute fatigue, where even rising from bed I was dizzy to the point of nausea.
• Insomnia that lasted for weeks
• Severe PMS symptoms which I never experienced until my mid-to-late thirties
• Crawling ants, who wore sharpen cleats, over my eczema (dry) riddled skin
• an irrational anger that perpetrated white hot rages that (to me) threatened my safety as well as my family
• crying jags that would last for days, without letting up
• headaches that would never leave even with 800 mgs of ibuprophen – 3 x’s daily.
• severe joint and muscle aches without reason
• mental foggy, absence mindedness, whatever its called, was so severe that I could never return to work as an Admin Asst. I could not even remember how to spell my daughter’s name, Samantha.

I never knew perimenopause can be so debilitating.

I am owned by fear, mostly of people. I hole up in my home to avoid interactions, mostly conflicts, with people. I can note slight edginess in people’s voices, hyper aware of body language and feel I am imposing upon anyone’s time even if it’s their job to perform the service I seek. I even dread talking to my doctor’s medical assistant because she has never been an engaging, polite individual. I am so overwhelmed by this feeling that I jeopardize my menopausal treatment (not renewing medications or having pap/breast exams) to avoid any interaction with her. Furthermore, I can even see ear-marks of my developing some kind of social paranoia with all this avoidance and fear.

I have lost many friends and family members due to mostly their lack of understanding and verbal attack on my being ill (thyroid and adrenal illnesses) and especially being unemployed.

Even after two years on HRT (Tri-nessa birth control) and Estradol (.5 mg), and Armour thyroid medication (60 mg), I still cry at the drop of a hat however, act as if this is “normal”, continuing conversations without skipping a beat. I still experience irrational irritability, though the “rage” is now a low level manageable anger. Ants still walk across my skin but the cleats pegs are dull but still irritating. The fatigue is tolerable and most times I can “overcome” the affects to get my chores done. The depression reminds me of a constant gray cloud hanging overhead, and then during my PMS week it escalates into full blown clinical type depression.

I don’t laugh like I use to. I don’t enjoy working on my web page or writing book reviews any more. Heck! I don’t like reading anymore either, then compounded by the fact I can’t remember what I read two hours ago. I force myself to garden so I can get some sunshine, fresh air and exercise – but the joy it use to give me is gone.

Even my children, and step children, irritate me for no reason really. They are young and entitled to error as I have, in order to learn and improve their lives. Still they drive me nuts. So I stay away from them so I don’t destroy what we have.

My youngest daughter, Sam, two little Toy Fox Terriers and ex-Deputy Sherriff husband are the only survivors of my perimenopause. Their patience with me has no limits. Wish I could say the same about me…although infrequently, they do mildly irritate me. When that happens I crawl back into bed and stay there until it passes. Hubby pampers, while the daughter and dogs love me when I am grumbly.

However, this is just not enough.

I want my old self back because I have a lot to do in my older years. When I turned 40 (I am 46), I vowed that the next forty years were MINE – doing things MY way and not everyone else’s. It was a time for some fun, freedom and all about me. The roller coaster of perimenopause never was part of that plan but growing older gracefully was. I let my hair turn gray, started plans for a nut farm, and organized my craft room to make way for landscape design, stained glass, crafting, painting, sewing, quilting, etc. Since 2006 I have slowly lost interest in all my plans and goals – the energy and stimulus is not there any more. It’s just too tiring to maintain the energy necessary to complete one task, much less many more.

The herbals, multivitamins, medications just don’t make me feel “normal” even though they lessen the severity of the symptoms. This reality depresses me further. It takes a lot of energy, mental and physical to “override” what symptoms still linger after the meds.

So let me whine for just one more second… I have worked hard ALL my life… when do I get a break?

Thanks for hearing [reading] me… I hope by posting this I will gain some freedom of this critical phase in my life. That I will continue to rise above it all… to survive.

I have read most of the posts here and feel deeply your struggles, unhappiness, and frustrations. Along with your need to persevere, overcome, rise above it all, though more importantly SURVIVE.

(((((HUGS)))))

I thought someone was writing about me! Astonishing isn't it? I think that is why this board is so helpful to so many. Life seems to flip us at this time in our lives. I especially found the part about feeling you are imposing on people even the ones whos job is to be there for you. I really have that bad. I have been on this site for about 2 years, have taken a break from it due to depression and not feeling like explaining or worrying no one would understand, and then go thru spurts of getting on and going full blast. Its horrible. I have decided to stay on it and check it daily now. My "Aha" moment was last week when my daughter who is 26 made a comment that completely made me realize some things about myself. She said (about an episode that had happened with another person) "The mother I used to know would have never put up with that" . Can you imagine that? She was right. the woman who would stand up against Satan himself and defend a stranger in public, now stays at home, has dreams of things I want to do, but can't get the stamina to actually do it. As a result have gained weight, tired all the time, heart palps, anger, sadness, restlessness, blah blah blah. I feel like I am....NO I know that I am not depressed, I am tired of fighting, fixing everyones problems, and no one giving a damn about mine. Its the first time I have felt selfish like that. I am almost 52, still monthly cycles right like clockwork, but know my hormones are way out of wack. I love one minute, hate the next. It just wears me out.

Hello Resam10 [Teri],

This is terrible to say but... I am glad to hear you are experiencing similar events.

When I wrote that monologue I worried the whole time writing that no one would understand, berate me for whining and be plain nasty to me about it. What a comfort to read your response.

I must agree with you as you state your hesitation to post because of the indepth explanations needed to describe what one is feeling, experiencing, etc. That alone can be exhausting. Then when you stated about feeling this time in life is about YOU and not everyone else is so true!! Thank you for affirming that feeling in myself. I too am tired of caring, fretting, and worrying about others. I need that energy resource for me...as selfish as that may sound.

I too will love one minute then dispise the next, never realizing the transiton between emotions. The emotional extremes make it hard to interact with other people, and tolerate daily life. So keeping to myself seems to be the safe solution. Your affirmation about imposing on people REALLY made my day - I thought maybe I was maybe imagining this. I just can't seem to let other people's inconsideration and insincerity to rol off my back like i use to. Thier cruelty hits me square in the chest and sticks.

I also experience hormonal fluxes where they accentuate my symptoms to portions similar to when I first started this ride. Since I take birth control for HRt I have excessive leg swelling but when the hormone fluxes take place the sweling gets tso bad I can barely walk. I do lymphedema massages 3-4 times a day to relieve the pressure. I remember caring for diabetics in their 80's who suffered from this plight... I am only 46 but feel 80! I even wear pressure hose to give my legs support. I just went through a flux in January and suffered with severe edema, and other perimenoapausal symptoms, and PMS issues for three months straight. Beginning of April did I finally get my reprieve, gradually letting up as the month wore on.

I still experience hot flushes that make me sick, except they now last 1 hour instead of four hours (my medication helps with these symptoms). Since I don't sweat I get very nauseated and shakey (fainty). Also, I have to garden in the early monring or late evening hours because peak sun causes heat stroke.

My dog had to be hospitlized for a liver infection this past week. In the past I would weather this like any experienced mother/pet owner - go wth the flow. While she was in hospital I shook with stress, couldnt sleep, while my stomach raged a war against everything I put in it. When she finally recovered and came home, I stayed on the couch, exhausted as if I fought a battle. I look back on this moment and just shake my head in amazement at my physical reaction to this rather low level stressor.

Does anyone remember being told that the Change of Life is so dramatic, traumatic, debilitating, psychotic, etc? I remember being told that you will lose your ability to have children and your periods would stop. No one said anything about the roller coaster from Hell ride!

Teri (((((HUGS))) thanks for making yourself vulnerable in sharing your feelings it has given me comfort at a time that its really needed. (((HUGS))))

No one told me either. It hist me like a freight train....I thought I would be enjoying this part of my life... I am 48 and
when I read how many women are in their fifties it makes me wonder when and if I will ever recover.

So Happy that we all have each other. I can so relate to you!
Kim from California

No one told me either. It hist me like a freight train....I thought I would be enjoying this part of my life... I am 48 and
when I read how many women are in their fifties it makes me wonder when and if I will ever recover.

So Happy that we all have each other. I can so relate to you!
Kim from California

Scottie,

I meant to respond to your post ...you described and summed up a lot of women's experience here I think but maybe didn't have the energy to put it all here so eloquently. Some of us my even be afraid to admit how devastating peri has been to ourselves and the people we love. I too believe I experienced a psychotic episode or nervous breakdown, etc. in Dec. 2005... now that I weaned from BHRT due to breast issues, I have the constant fear that I will spiral down again and be in that very dark place...

Anyway, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your post and sharing all that you have been through.

All the best,

Plumeria

[You know ladies, mom died at 43 but had a full blown hysterectomy at 30, I never heard her once say anything about menopause, never heard anything from my grandmothers either. I guess back then they didn't talk about it. Kind of funny.....I came along an OLD Sears Catalog printed in (I think 1930) they actually had pills in the catalog for "weak women". And of course I can not find it to this day, I am going to have to see if I can find that catalog again, you should have seen some of the stuff in there. It would blow your mind!!! (Literally). Thank you both for responding, I had alot more to say, but thought it wise to shut up before I read it later and thought.....Oh lord...who was I and what was I thinking then (ha) No really...it seems that bad sometimes. I am making an appointment with an OBGYN to check my hormones, not sure what all he is supposed to check besides estrogen, pegerst.....(whatever) and testerone. Isn't there something called fhl or something. I can look it up. Is anyone else 50+ and still having regular monthly cycles yet menopause symptons. Hate to speak graphically but my cycles are more like a miscarriage type system and has been for years. Thats as soft as I can put it without being too blunt. Lets hang together, I will keep you guys updated on everything he tells me. He is more of an DO not MD so more Osteopathic. We will see. Hugs to all, keep chins up. teri

Hello Plumeria:

I know what you mean about having the energy to be detailed here…I was having a good day so thought I better take advantage of it by writing down all I have survived during my perimenopause moments. *LOL*

How are you doing since leaving BHRT behind?

When I turn fifty, my physician advised I get off my HRT regimen; been on it since 2007 and I am 47 this year. Her reason being because my mom has breast cancer and cervical cancer when she was 27. On a side note – I find this whole HRT thing overwhelming and at times confusing. So many questions - Should I be on a hormone replacement program? If so which one? What’s the difference between a birth control regimen and a bioidentical one? My physician assured me that my current HRT regimen is “safe” [using this term very loosely *S*]. Being estrogen dominate makes this program effective for me – today. But what will the future hold? My mother’s oldest sister lost her battle with breast cancer in 2005 after a 20+ year war. Today my mom is still winning her BC war. *huge sigh* Who knows…

Hello Kim [kimdnov]:

When you said about perimenopause, “ it hit me like a freight train…” – what a great way to put it! Yes, a freight train going a thousand miles per hour without slowing down. And since 35 years old, I have been staying about 250 paces ahead of it. It caught me when I turned 42… the rest is my life today.

Teri [resam10]:

Good luck with your appointment. I am looking forward to your sharing the results and experiences from that visit.

About the “unenlightened days” of past times - When my DO doctor diagnosed me with adrenal fatigue, she explained that in the “old’n” days they called it… drum role please… a nervous breakdown. Another conversation with a nurse friend stated that in the fifties/sixties quite a few women committed suicide because of severe menopausal symptoms – believing themselves flawed somehow along with poor medical understanding. In the seventies and eighties too many were institutionalized under the guise of mental illness. Yea, I read too much… We have come a long way from those days, so I should be thankful and feel blessed.

My mother never mentioned her perimenopause either, but I remember her personality change during her early forties. My mother NEVER cried, was cool under fire and focused. When she started peri all those characteristics, and more, became the opposite. When my sister called to ask our shared physician what was going on with our mother, all he would [could?] say was, "Don't upset her." To this day she speaks to neither my sister or me. If we had known we would have gotten her through this trying time... my sister and I are researchers, finders of information, solution implementers, etc. We would have taken care of her...

To everyone (((((BEAR HUGS))))))

Wow, sound alike. I too am finder of information, researcher on everything, etc. Yeah my mom changed too. I did not know what it was, she just seemed more hardened and more direct with a mood attached. But how was I to know? Lord, maybe she didn't even know. Your info on the old times is too interesting, and makes alot of sense. Now when I meet someone in the store (I'm a little chatty with strangers at times) and they mention menopause, we can stand there and talk forever. Have a terrific day, Teri

I'm right with you on this one. I was only 7 when my Mother "changed" drasticaly once peri hit. My older sibling were able to escape her extreme bouts of "road rage" type mood swings while I was stuck in the house with her. She also became antisocial and couldn't leave the house without my father at her side. Also stopped driving due to severe constant dizziness. Witnessed or heard her violent vomiting when the hormonally driven migranes would occur. Peri became full meno around the age of 55 for her and the symptoms never fully abated. Only thing that really subsided was her road rage became a "simmering" meaness towards everyone. Perri and meno caused her to lose the life she knew, friends, and her 8 children. We continued to see her on the major holidays but she couldn't even manage to enjoy that.

Soooo, when I was slammed into peri I had so many severe symptoms. For me I choose hrt and quality of life. My hrt is still being "tweaked" but have been told it will be easier to acomplish once in full meno. And, even then, will need periodic "tweaking". I've lost almost the last 2 years of my life, am now in a fairly good place the past 3 months, and will not let hormone loss defeat me or the ones I love.

One last thing about Mom. She died 2 1/2 years ago after a miserable bout with Parkinsons and lung cancer. She was in a coma for the last 6 days of her life. I stayed with her thru the moment she died and she finally found some peace. I value those last 6 days because I finally had my Mother back. Yes, she was ill and in a coma. But we were able to coexist and I was able to take care of her. She died peacefully, and ironically, with a smile on her face. It was the first time in decades I'd seen a smile on her face. Sorry, to ramble..... but this perri/meno stuff affects us all in so many ways and sometimes for a very long time. Best Wishes to all, Jzz

Hello Jzz

I too cannot leave the house wihtout hubby in tow; he buffers me from the people and daily life while i am out and about. Enjoying simple things like Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are practically non-existant anymore. Its like all my happiness has been ****** out of me. Faking it is a way of life for me now - though physically draining afterwards.

My HRT regimen has taken the sharpness off my symptoms, just enough so I can "manage" them, adding to me fatigue issues. I to lost three years so far and feel the rest standing in line to be wasted away by perimenopause chaos.

THanks for sharing your experiences...best wishes for you too. ((((HUGS))))

Awwwwwwww, thanks Scottieluvr. Feeling the luv and really appreciate it.

Try to manage the best you can and you're so fortuanate to have the hubby to help. I'm divorced and have had to deal with this alone. Except when I became too dizzy to drive my friends took away my car keys. I couldn't drive for almost 8 months but they helped when possible.

I totally understand "faking" it at times. Here's just one example of my faking it. Try being single, dating, not having whatever hormonal profile used to make me feel sexual and alive, AND then becoming intimate with someone for the first time...... It's like becoming pre - pubescent, except I know what I'm missing and how much yippee good fun it used to be! Talk about "all dressed up and no where to go......"

Don't know if you're in peri or fully meno. But, hrt does sometimes need to be "tweaked" on occaision. Or, if taking a combined product, maybe try taking them separately to see whether E or P or T makes you feel better than the other. Sometimes its a case of ratios between them that can make a world of difference. Or, an adjustment in the amounts.

Since, I've been feeling somewhat better, lately I find myself mourning the "former me". Yes, I've come back a long way over the last 2 years. But I really really liked how I used to function and feel. I want my former life back and resent this cr*p now called Perimenopause. BTW - Does anyone know why we use the term Peri or Pre menopause instead of the old "Change of Life"????? In my opinion - it truly is a change of life, all aspects of it. Regards to all, Jzz

You know I have to mention, I want to nap more. I was always known as not being able to sleep as long as I knew the sun was up. Now I want to nap a while everyday almost. Anyway, sorry you are dealing with this home alone. What was causing the dizzy spells? did it have anything to do with blood pressure lowering or rising? Lord....look up the word Fake in the dictionary and there is my face. Someone can come to visit, and I am the best actress around. I should have won hundreds of Oscars by now. I miss the me that once was. But I know she is still there, I can feel it, but can't seem to pull her out of the "bag". I am making my appt tomorrow with the Doc and will have to be a little more firm about what is going on. Now I realize some of this may be my own fault, I smoke, drink too many cokes, which I am sure doesn't help any. And of course could loose 50 lbs. But can't seem to get it all done. I want to write, I want to do Customer Service Seminars, things I know I am good at, but something feels like it has a grip on my mind telling me "you can't do that". Your 51, you had your chance, your too much of a comedian, no one would take you seriously. I became the funny person in order to gain friends from the time I was young, I stuttered so bad I could barely talk at all. So I did other things to try to get a friend, make them laugh, make fun of myself, do crazy things even as a child to get attention from other kids to try to make them like me instead of mocking me and laughing at me and making fun of me. Seriously....was in speech therapy for 9 years, an hour a day. Until 9th grade. They would ask me my name and time me on a timer, it would take up to 60 seconds to get my name out of my mouth. I haven't stuttered at all anymore once I turned about 45 years old. Mom said I didn't start stuttering until I was 6 years old and that I talked fine till then. I know some of the underlying issues, but it was as if I had alot to say and offer, yet some evil presence didn't want me to talk. Now that I can, I have alot to say and write. and now this....peri or Change of Life starting, realizing that I spent most my life acting in order to hide by embarassing problem, that I never actually found out who I really was underneath, and now that I am starting to....another curve ball has hit. Now wasn't that vunerable and fun?? ha. Teri

Thanks for asking, but not alone in this anymore. Have my friends (also new PS friends), grown children (but out of state) and good docs now. I was dizzy due to an abrupt shutdown of my ovaries (due to being given wrong medicine in the hospital). Neurologist said the dizziness was the rapid loss of hormones. My blood pressure hadn't varied much from what was normal. Ovaries restarted after 8 month abrupt shutdown. Hasn't been a fun 2 years.

Sorry to hear about the unkind children from childhood. You're obviously a survivor - now hang on with the rest of us for this not so lovely Peri ride. Jzz

OMG! Being single and going through this nightmare!? Makes me want to fall down and bawl, just from the mere thought of it. Not working outside the home helps me cope too, but many women are not as fortunate. If I worked, I would have to be heavily medicated just so I dont open my (unreasonable) sassy mouth that I developed over the last three years ago, or cry for no reason in front of clients and co-workers - the list goes on.

((((BIG BEAR HUGS)))) I admire your stamina and perserverence in continuing the dating scene... I would worry that I would get "irritated" with something they said or did, then relentlessly cuss them out. Those poor dates! With me around, safety of the masses must be a priority.

I am perimenopause, and my HRT (birth control) and Estradoil (.5mg) does need tweaking as I experienced a hormonal flux in January that wreak havoc on me for three months. I take my HRT/Estradoil in the morning and my thyroid meds in the evening which helps me sleep better too. Since separating the two hormones, my energy level improved but then I had that hormone flux in January setting me back a year. Still, thats when I realized that my meds will need altering as I go deeper into this bodily change - a major reality check for sure.

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS - and diagnosed when I was 27 yo) so my testosterone levels are great - proven when my estrogen and progesterine (sp) plummetted I had the libido of a high school male teen. About drove me nuts! Once the HRT started it leveled out to where it was manageable.

About why we don't call it the "Change of Life" like in the past - I am going to take a guess and say because there are different levels to the "Change of Life" - pre, peri and post. Changing the references to those three entities makes conversations, writings, etc more explicit and easier to explain the different isues surrounding those periods in the menopausal phase. (?????) Just my humble guess-timation.

I know referencing it as the "Change of Life" is more fitting comsidering the major changes one's body undergoes, and one's psyche as well. When explaining my progression into the "Change of Life" I know I was premenopausal from 34 yo until about 38 yo, then from there I began my decent into peri. Reaching full blown peri at 42 yo.

[quote name='Scottieluvr' date='May 4 2009, 06:04 AM' post='282707']
OMG! Being single and going through this nightmare!? Makes me want to fall down and bawl, just from the mere thought of it. Not working outside the home helps me cope too, but many women are not as fortunate. If I worked, I would have to be heavily medicated just so I dont open my (unreasonable) sassy mouth that I developed over the last three years ago, or cry for no reason in front of clients and co-workers - the list goes on.

((((BIG BEAR HUGS)))) I admire your stamina and perserverence in continuing the dating scene... I would worry that I would get "irritated" with something they said or did, then relentlessly cuss them out. Those poor dates! With me around, safety of the masses must be a priority.

Pam, I'll pm you with some questions. Thanks for the support. As for continued dating.....Well, truth be told.....There were times I had to avoid going out with my SO due to the mood swings, etc. And, my most least favorite moments with him would be during sex when a mood swing would hit. Once minute I'm a loving it and the next I would be fighting an urge to punch him in the head!!! Luckily the mood swings were swift in coming and going on a moments notice. But they did last a very long time....... Best regards, Jzz

BEFORE peri I could not stand to watch certain people on TV. NOW, I love em!! Just to name a few; Jim Carey ( Saw him in Liar Liar just recently and he is TOTALLY HILARIOUS!) , What was wrong with me??? Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, Nancy Grace (but, I am getting tired of her) Guess I need a break from all her drama.

i had to laugh when reading this - i now sometimes find the 3 stooges & the beverly hillbillies funny, much to my dh's delight. must be low estrogen.....

Yea, epdp, What's with that?? I loved the 3 stooges when I was a kid, but as an adult, OMG, how in the world can anyone be so mean and cruel to each other??? I may even have a stash of The 3 stooges hidden away somewhere. I know I have the Beverly Hillbillies, but NOW I all of a sudden want to rush out and see every Jim Carey movie I have missed!!

TW, I love Jim Carrey. If you liked Liar Liar, you'll love Yes Man - it was a wonderful, positive story. Of course, there's always the standards, The Majestic and The Truman Show - classics

Thanks Rendy! I have always thought he was stupid, but now I see him in a much different light for some strange reason. The Truman Show was filmed just down the road from me at Seaside and I didn't even go to watch them film!! How stupid of me!!!

I love the 3 stooges. I have a vast collection of their shorts. I used to watch it when I was a kid w/my father & brother. They are on a local station every Sat. & Sun. for a couple of hours, & I will watch them while paying bills. I don't care how old I get, I will always be a stooge fan. Since peri, I have a lot less of an attention span, so I watch an awful lot of tv. But I don't care, because it relaxes me after a long day at work.

TW - I have a great deal of respect for Jim Carrey ever since I heard him talk about his management of depression. Some sort of irony about that isn't there? Thanks for the Truman Show fact. We kinda wondered where it was filmed.

Binsky - we got (ok,hubby got) my 11 year old son a 3 stooges DVD set. He watched it over, and over, and over and over - well you get the idea . Never thought of using it while paying bills. Good idea, thanks!

Hi Teri-

I understand what you mean. I would be the good listener to other people's problems or try to make people laugh (still do) and I started realizing that it was a way to keep focus off of me and push it outward. I'm currently doing some cognitive therapy (while I'm going through the hormonal hoo-hah) and working with my "inner child." Apparently, she's pissed cause I've kept her down for so long LOL. Briefly, it involves writing and drawing with your non-dominant hand (that's your inner child talking) and even having conversations between the adult you (written and drawn with your dominant hand) and your inner child. Sounds crazy, but has been helpful I think.

I used to run like a house afire; but perimenopause is making me "pause" (pardon the pun) and even in the midst of the anxiety, depression, weird mood changes and physical sensations, I'm kind of grateful for the slow down making me look at and appreciate both the world around me more and get to know the person I am inside. We are all feeling very vulnerable during this change cause it takes everything about ourselves that we thought we knew and could count on and shakes us to the core. I had a horoscope a couple of months back tell me that I would be experiencing change and it might take a while, but at the end, I would feel like I had been reborn. I certainly hope so, cause every morning feels like the movie "Ground Hog Day" only without Bill Murray and not nearly so funny. It feels like I have to experience some kind of painful birth each morning as it is.

I guess all we can do is hang in there.....tightly.

Sharen

Wow, writing and drawing with my non dominant hand, that would be hard. What am I supposed to write or draw? I would love to learn more about that. It makes sense, but do you write or draw the same thing you would write or draw with your dominate hand? I find this fasinating. Would love to try it. Lord.....now I want to do research on it. I love doing things like that. You can always email me regular at resam10@hotmail. com goodness knows, we should probably all do this huh? Teri

I imagined myself totally different to how i actually was for many years whilst going through menapause, prior too i was confident,self respectfull,optimistic,fun,spontanious,articulate,interested,ect,whilst going through menapause(which has been going for some 6 years now)i have grappled with all of these things. that has been and still is the hardest challenge for me and my love ones. so glad i have found this forum. thanks shez

hey Scottielvur
your story could have been mine. sooooo nice to not feel alone. your break will come. thinking of ya shez

Hello to you all. I am soooo thankfull for having taken this time to research regarding menapause. ai have not long returned from my male GPs office with at least the knowledge that he is not going to be any help. Its up to us to share and figure out ways to help us forge through this difficult time( which by the way clocking up 6 years for me). thank you too you all for sharing the continual unpredictability of menapause. shez x

I just found this board today. I am 50 years old, and last year I was still taking birth control pills, but having terrible painful cramping, clotting, flooding periods. My Dr recommended a uterine ablation, but my insurance has a high deductible, so I decided against it. Instead, I quit taking BCP and my periods started getting more normal. This year, I will sometimes have a period every month, sometimes 2 a month, sometimes every 2 months. My breasts felt like 2 bricks hanging off my chest. It has now been almost 3 months since I've had one. My main symptom is anxiety, and it is driving me crazy! I have dealt with anxiety my whole life, but the past 10 years I had it pretty much under control with no medication. I also have a few hot flashes now and then. I hope my period is gone for good, but what to do about the anxiety? I really don't want to take meds if I can help it.

thanks for any insight!

Dear 'kimber7'
Anxiety is a tough one.I feel that Yoga and walking help me a lot but when I have very high anxiety even deep breathing-which I know well how to do or floating with the feelings -is of no help to me
I understand your reluctance to meds.I use low dosage Xanax,on an as needed basis but what about checking your health store to see if you can find any Herbal remedies that may work for you.

It is great that you found this Forum.
You will meet great and caring ladies full of interesting information.
So hope to see you around often
All the Best
Elizabeth

I read your post while in my own pain. But....you have really touched me. Your honesty, refreshing. I am still "out There" inthe corporate world.I am coping day by day. feel your struggle. I know so many of the feelings that you expressed. I am with ypu in spirit. We will all make it for sure.

I am going thru perimenopause - I am not the same person I was a month ago.
I have not had my period in 4 months and felt on top of the world that I no longer had to purchase my femine products.
Now, I wish I still had my period.
I would gladly exchange it for the hot flashes, anxiety, depression and mood swings that I have gone thru in the past 2 weeks.
I was a happy go lucky gal last month, now I don't even know who I am! To say that I am scared is an understatement, I am terriffied!
Yesterday I had 25 hot flashes, ranging in sevarity - some so hot that I thought I had an inferno inside my head. I thought that if I spoke flames would shoot out of my mouth!
I have used Menopeace with no luck. I live a healthy lifestyle, walk every night, visit my gym 3 times a week, I eat lots of fruits and veggies.
My moods swing from laughing one moment to crying at the drop of a hat.
Most times I feel unattractive & unsure of my own thoughts. YOu could say I am in a Rut, just feeling blah.
How do I handle this?

I have always viewed the idea of menopause with horror and an almost physical revulsion. The very word menopause makes my skin crawl. After some hormonal distress which began a year ago I felt as though an executioner had put a black sack over my head along with a noose around my neck and said "this is your lot - you are no longer an assertive tough woman who can literally cry with laughter but a sexless dried up feeble creature"
Then after a good talking to from my amazing husband the fighting spirit came out. I started taking 5HTP for serotonin enhancement and while I researched the different types of hormone treatment I took a red clover supplement.
Within six months I was tearful, lethargic, depressed tearful, no libido and extremily anxious. I have always suffered GAD but this got completely absurd.
Fortunately I had the names and details of a couple of doctors in London offering bio identical hormones as I had always vowed that I would not tolerate an untreated menopause.
One morning much to my husband's relief I made an appointment with an endocrinologist having prevaricated in a way most unlike me.
The female doctor was excellent and very supportive of my views and I felt that the menopausal noose was removed from my neck along with the black sack.
My blood tests showed only a minimal drop in hormones which surprised her. Apparently some women react very badly to a small drop in oestrogen whereas others tolerate it better.Since then I have been busy working at losing the small spare tyre I had with some success and I have been busy helping a few other women find out about bio identicals as they are not so well known about here.
I have been busy playing poker and enjoying the return of my libido (courtesy of a very modest dose of testosterone) and I had my cheeks enhanced to be rid of the miserable expression on my face.
Anyhow something must be working as friends say I'm glowing.
Strangely enough a few days after starting my hormones my long lost half sister finally located me. The poor girl is going through premature menopause and I have been able to help her.
I still suffer anxiety but it is reduced and I feel livelier then I have in years thanks to the hormones, my husband and a good diet.
Louise

[font="Comic Sans MS"][/font]I keep remembering on the days that I felt more my self which was just roughly 2 years ago. I'm praying that this endocronoligist I'm going to for the 1st time at the end of nov. will be able to help me get my hormones balanced out again. I was on a bio-identical hormone combination about 2-2.5 years ago and was feeling good but then a year later it started going back the other way and that dr. was no longer offering natural hormone therapy anymore.
I'm now taking the progesterone compounded by a pharmacist and I don't know how to tell if its really making any difference whether I take it or not. My symptoms have escalated in just the past year, have gotten progressively worse. Mainly water retention/bloating/weight gain around the mid-section and anxiety. I started taking OM3 supplements about 2 weeks ago and I really think I'm able to tell a big difference in the depression, seems I'm having more up days and feeling like I'm able to "just let go" of the worries I had about the weight gain in the mid-section. I know that I do everything I could possibly do on my part and so the rest I know is unbalanced hormones and I'll just have to wait till the end of nov. and pray that this new dr. can help me.

I've always had bad pms problems. I just wonder if the fact that I've never had kids might have an effect on the hormones. May have absolutely nothing to do with it, I don't know.

I guess the weight gain thing is the roughest part for me. I've always been a very active person and have always made working out just a normal part of my life, couldn't live without it, keeps me going. I suffered with anorexia for 10 years starting at the age of 18, so thats why the weight gain is such a huge issue with me even though I no longer have anorexia I still tend to have that same mindset of being obsessive about weight gain. I feel I could easily deal with the hot flashes over the weight gain any day!

I practice meditation/EFT and hypnosis regularly and its STILL difficult. I think also that it has a lot to do with your past negative experiences in life. I think that tends to exaggerate it even more. Depends on how you've been used to handling emotional issues. Thats just my opinion.

hello,
First let me thank you for creating such an amazing site. It has been such a relief for me to find it.
For me I used to be a fun, enthusiastic, energetic, strong tempered woman. I am now a different person. Now I just wish I could stay in bed all day and I use to love getting up in the morning. My daily life is worrying about everything : disease, work, family, disease, husband, money, work, food, weight gain, weight loss, weird body symptoms. I don't enjoy anything any more except taking my dog out for walks. My head is riddle with negative thoughts. I used to love exercising, now I am afraid to get hurt exercising. I used to love high cardio with pouding music now I just listen to meditation tape and work-out at a boring pace. I love my work but now just wish i did not have to go out any more. i have lost my sense of humor. I cry all the time with no reason. I have always had anxiety but was always able to control it. Now I can't seem to shake it. It is constant. I have been in the past month to more doctor appointments that I have ever been in the past 10 years! I keep thinking now that I have some horrible disease and each doctor appointment is a great source of anxiety. I just don't seem to have the tools any longer to quiet myself down.
I have stopped menstruating 10 months ago but everything hit me 4 months ago and I find it harder to get my head above water.
I am now afraid that I have lost the fun side of my personnality and that nobody will want to be with me any longer.
thanks again for allowing me to express myself.
MrsBuff

Hi Mrs Buff.....I could sign my name along side yours as you wrote about your experience. Is this what has become a "new normal"? Or can the old me come back. What type of treatment are you doing. From June-August I wore the combipatch, but didn't see any relief. Then switched to oral HRT, the generic of Activella, definitely seen a change in reduction of hot flashes. Primary dr started me on Zoloft mid September, now mid October...still feel angry. I wish I could embrace this menopause journey, but I am hating it. And becoming so very isolated in the process. I wish I had friends of similar circumstances, but I don't. I am 51, but do have friends who are approaching or may even be in peri menopause, but still in denial that it is happening. I'm single and looking but if I can't stand myself, can I alllow anyone else to? I feel so stuck. So misunderstood. So alone. I guess to some degree I am comfortable with the alone thing, I was an only child. I'm not a stranger to it. Keep sharing if you want to. Take care, Barbara

Hello Barbara,
I was touched by your comment as I know how it feels. Each day, you wake up hoping it will be a brighter day or at least a day without any fighting with your feeling or looking for that body who used to feel strong or at least supportive. I am not on any hormones replacement as I am not yet officially menopausal. 10 months with no period. I was regular , my main prb used to be fibrocystic breast, which used to cause me great anxiety. then 10 month ago, my period stopped and then all kind of weird symptoms started. I never slept well but then I totally stopped sleeping. Then I started to get worried about everything and focused on stupid things about my body. I could not exercise any longer.
As of today, I am feeling slightly better, even though I had to repeat a mammogram because of micro-calcifications and I have been googling most of the week-end, trying to feel better about it. My doctor just started me on Klonopin for the past two days and I have to say that I slept very well last night for the first time in many many months if not years! I hardly notice right now the tingling and head pressure and the twitches (Mind you I take magnesium for that, it helps) and I am trying to focus on good food. I also started on Lachesis 200, an homeopatic medication that some women recommanded on this site for tingling and twitching and it seems to help. The worst thought is as you said, the feeling that you are alone. I am 52.5 and have no friend who seems to understand my anxiety. I think they look at me like a nut case even though they are being very nice and patient about, I tried most of time to laugh it off as I don't want to look worried. My family lives in France, besides, my mom, is more worrying me than anything when I speak to her and does not offer much help. My sister-in-law is dying of cancer and I don't want to be petty about my issue and my doctor, who is very nice, deal with me like a hypocondriac. My husband does not even want to listen to me and most of the night, when I wake up in a sheer panic (have not in the past 2 nights), I just sit there and cry for about 2-3 hours.
this menopause sure makes you feel lonely, like you are in some kind of virtual prison. so please feel free to vent to me. My name is Bea and I live in toronto. I don't have any children, just a dog and a cat.

I am glad that you found ps as you it will help you to get through the day. Please read the many posts that they have, even those that do not seem relevant to your situation, you might be suprised. I have tried to send you a personal message but i think you have not unable it to work. so I am using this post instead to respond to you.

take care dear Barbara

***I*** haven't changed a particle...

But if you asked my dearest spouse that question --- he claims (get this) that I am just a wee bit more impatient & impulsive & stubborn & irritable & dazed & confused & tearful & depressed & emotional & dramatic & disorganized & self-absorbed & talkative & quiet & & &

I think he is living with another woman.

I see none of myself in the above description....which probably proves that I am all he says I am...

I just am not inclined to sit passively & be a lady these days. I am different. Better. And he needs to get used to it!!! GRRRRRRRRR.....VW

Before menopause, I had 3 day horrendous migraines on the 3rd day of my period every month, although I still get migraines, they are nothing like as bad.

Before menopause from the age of 16 I had severe period pains, I would nearly pass out and at other times would be pacing the bedroom holding my stomach in agony. Thank goodness that has gone.

Before menopause I would have stomach cramps a week before the period and the migraines and the mood swings. No more!

Whilst I went through the menopause I remember bleeding for a whole month heavily, I was exhausted, the moods were up and down, I went to the menopause clinic for an endometrial biopsy and they gave me an infection doing it. I ended up in hospital having my infected tubes removed!
Oddly enough, they left one and a half ovaries in there (thanks a lot) so I still carried on through the menopause.

My periods stopped, 4 years ago, at the age of 52. Today, my moods are a lot better, my migraines a lot better. I ache and am stiff, I get exhausted easily and I have severe insomnia.
I have vaginal atrophy, my nose and ears and really dry. My hair is thinner. So some things are better and some worse. The worse is the insomnia.

I too, was unpleasantly surprised when I hit the menopause. I had been looking forward to my periods stopping for years as they were so bad, but I have almost taken hormones because the insomnia is so bad. If anyone knows if the insomnia goes away and you start sleeping again, please let me know!

Christine