I've always been pretty even tempered with a good sense of humor. Other people have characterized me as sweet, kind, thoughtful, and maybe a little shy. I would say that I have been assertive and shared my opinion when I thought it was appropriate. Since I've started having all of these perimenopausal symptoms I found myself angry a lot for no apparent reason, very impatient, grumpy, and ornery. I've become more aggressive in my communication and actions. I catch myself going "there" and try hard to reel it back in, but I don't always succeed.

Before these problems I gave quite a bit of thought to my "look". I took more care and pride in my appearance. Now I just do what I need to in order to be presentable. There are times when I couldn't care less about what other people think and then times when I feel worried that others think I'm crazy. I have always been pretty practical, but definitely open minded about things in general. Now, I find my self teetering back and forth with logical reasonable thoughts about being able to handle all of these symptoms and finding a good balance and going completely berserk.

I never liked going to the doctor's office and didn't go for many years, but in the last 3 or 4 years have been quite a few times. In the past I tried to make use of diet and home remedies or just wait out a bad cold. I've been to a doctor more recently for little things like an ear infection and poison sumac. Then the increased problems with my cycle drove me to seek help from my doctor. I have recently been diagnosed with uterine fibroids, ovarian cyst, and a thick lining of my uterus. So, I am understandably nervous and concerned. I go from realizing that fibroids and cyst are usually benign to being freaked out.

In the last year or so I have lost interest in several hobbies and things that brought me creative satisfaction and joy. I try to revisit them, but I can't seem to really get motivated to start them up again. My grandma often invoked the saying, "this too, shall pass" when things were bad and I tend to feel the same way. I hope she and I are right.

I tend to be a private person and have never blogged, or posted items before; although I do email and chat with close friends and family sometimes. I find myself feeling pretty isolated even though I have close friends. I usually don't share much about health problems or concerns with them, as I am usually the one others come to when they need to share. I often feel that I don't want to bother them with my problems. Most of my friends are much younger or much older than me (I will be 40 in Jan). I don't really have anyone my age as a close friend. This site has been an unbelievable source of information, help, support and empowerment for me. Thank you all for sharing so openly and honestly.

Have just seen Jodie Foster's new film advertised with the words:

At any moment

The person you thought you were

Can Vanish!

Why did it make me think first and foremost of peri and menopause?!! Foster's 45 years old this year. The ads show a middle aged woman and I'm thinking "Yep, sure can. I've been there". Then I find out the film's about a 45 year old woman becoming a vigilante!! "Bit extreme for menopause" is what I'm thinking.

Had to have a laugh and share it here. I'm sure the film makers are oblivious of this interpretation of their advertising.

HI ELLIE G HERE IAM AMAZED IVE MANAGED TO DO THIS MY MINDS LIKE MUSH AT THE MOMENT AM HOPELESS WITH COMPUTERS ,JUST LIKE TO SAY WHAT AGOD SEND THIS SITE IS .YOU LOVELY LADIES HAVE SAVED ME FROM MADNESS !!! LOL. BEFORE PERI MY DAUGHTER AND I WOULD SHOP TIL WE DROPPED ,CANT GO IN A SHOP NOW I TURN INTO A QUIVERING WRECK JUST THINKING ABOUT IT .DONT REALLY WANT TO GO OUT OF MYCOMFORT ZONE I AM ANXIOUS NEARLY ALL THE TIME .I AM GLAD I HAVE ASUPPORTIVE FAMILY OR ITHINK I COULD GET DEPRESSED I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK . I WANT TO GET IN THE CAR WITH HUBBY AND GO OUT FOR A MEAL , OR GO AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND . JUST ANYTHING NORMAL .ITS NOT ME BEING LIKE THIS . I WAS FUN LOVING OUTGOING AND I FEEL AS IF I HAVE LOST ME. AND I WANT ME BACK.

Congratulations Ellie, I think you have just taken one giant step in commanding your life back.

I felt the same way when I first found PS, what a life saver. I too thought I was going mental. I believe by making a post, you have started your way to healing.

Reading posts helped me a lot but by adding posts, I started feeling like I was slowly gaining my life back. Its nice to feel some confidence again. As soon as I found these other people going through the same dark, foggy tunnel that I was, I had a sense of fellowship. I wasn't alone in the world after all and if I was going crazy, hey, I have a lot of fine people going with me. That alone helped calm a great deal of the stress and dropped my depression on its face.

I hope you start feeling the same strength come to you, I believe you will the more you read and post. Maybe we'll hear you all the way in the U.S. yelling, "I am woman!"

Best wishes, PS-sister, Maggie

maggie may1. thankyou very much for your kind words.its true that if you did not read the messages you would think you were going mad ! IT IS NICE TO KNOW THAT WE ARRE NOT SUFFERING ALONE i think here in england a lot of women dont talk about how bad they are feeling a lot of things get swept under the carpet if you know what imean its as if they are embarresed about the change , iknow i am with alot of people.especially some of my family because alot of them pooh pooh things as if to say its nothing pull yourself together so i tend to avoid them when i can . idont think i am a negative person but you get vibes off people dont you. any way i have a dear friend who after a surgical menopause has had abad time and is still on hrt after 15 years she is my rock . its ashame my sis dont talk really much about her meno she just says it will pass but iremember her coming home from work shattered and going to bed for a few hours . and dont even get me started on my mum ihavent seen her for weeks she makes me feel ill. so i feel guilty because dad died 2 and a half years ago so the anxiety starts ifeel illl when i see her ill when i dont but she is such a negative person any way sorry to ramble on thankyou ellieG (GOT IRONING TO DO ) WOULD BE ON COMPUTER ALL DAY BUT SOMEONES GOT TO DO IT LOL .

Hi , so glad to hear i am not the only idiot who can't go shopping anymore. Also My wedding anniversary is coming up and I have the most wonderful husband , we even have a free night at a hotel and I don't even want to go. I am just no fun to be around. I dream of all the things I would like to do but then i just sit back and feel my body sink. I just wish someone would let us know if things get better and do we ever want to do things again. //wet noodle

hi wet noodle do you feel like you are going to freak out when you go in to places ? if i start flushing i just go into panic mode and the classic fight or flight kicks in, and flight usually wins i guess i am scared to fight because of what might happen to me .this all started nearly a year ago on holiday with hubby i had a funny do .i went all cold sweaty and nearly fainted and thats really scared me .then a few weeks after that my daughter and i went shopping and i felt all wierd ,legs like jelly tingly warm wierd tingly sensation in my head so had to come out of the shopping center. and this has happened everytime i go in somewhere ,and its warm i start flushing i just have to get out of there ASAP!!!....... im sure its hormonal anxiety. i wish i had the guts to stay and see .what would happen .but im not quite ready yet .....anyway the men in white coats might come take me away.............lol , keep your chin up i know its really hard to do so especially if you have had a bad day ...................................yours ellie ..............ha ha i nearly wrote nellie

I used to be able to take on the world. I worked full time as a teacher. I attended all my kids activities. I planned and went on vacations. I was willing and able to do all kinds of things. I helped my parents take care of their house. I took care of my own house doing all the cooking and cleaning. My husband coached basketball and I attended all his games. I would go from morning until night without naps. I rarely got sick. I never went to the doctor except for gyn annuals. I would get really tired several days before my period started and once it did, I felt great again.

It has been close to two and a half years that I have not felt like myself. I had been taking bc pills to control my periods for 4 months. I didn't feel especially good while on them...edgy, etc... I stopped them and have never had another period. I thought that was going to mean liberation. No more periods, yeah. There was a time of about 5 months when I skipped periods and felt great. So I naturally thought I would feel great again. NOT!!! This feeling of extreme fatigue overcame me. And to some degree I have it all the time. I have had lots of tests which declare me fine. I have tried HRT. I have tried antianxiety meds. I am currently using celexa. It helps somewhat. Everytime I have a few days of feeling completely normal, bam, the fatigue returns. I do only what I have to do. I try to force myself to go out and enjoy all that I used to enjoy. Sometimes I can and I cherish those times. I wish I could figure out what is causing this fatigue.

I am almost 58. So I was having periods until I was 55. I don't think I even realized I was in peri until I started having bad periods. Maybe I just didn't have time to think about it. My kids were still in school and my mother needed lots of help. In late 2000, two young people close to us died from suicide and drug overdose...my mother died in May of 2001, my father became ill, 911 occurred, my mother-in-law died in May of 2002, my husband and I decided to take early retirement from teaching, my daughter graduated high school and went off to college and my son graduated from college in Texas and took a job there... Now I think I have come to terms with all those issues...I have never been one to dwell on things but I think all those things took a toll because I never really dealt with any of this issues the way I should have. I am thinking this sudden lack of hormones created an environment good for anxiety and whatever else.

But when does it all end? Or maybe it never will.

Wet Noodle, I am so sorry to hear the mental anguish in your voice. I too have a husband that doesn't deserve to go through this. I have three daughters that have to feel their mom is gruff and distant and I don't know if they remember that I wasn't always like this.

I am (I believe) coming to a breaking point on my change. I'm 56 yrs old (when did that happen?) and my last cycle was in 1999. I have been in a fog for so many years that I can't tell you what I've been doing right since about 1996 or abouts. I was working outside the home, making more money than my dh; top in my field at that job when my whole world erupted. After 16 yrs at the same job, I thought it was the fast pace and job that was making me crazy. I went to another job and I have to tell you (with shame) I think I must have made those people miserable with all of my negitive feed back. A few years into that job and I went to another; a year into that job and I ended up in the hospital for an emergecy surgery on my intestines and that brought my world to a screeching hault for a couple of months.

During my recuperration at home, I realized I didn't know who I was any more. I couldn't relax, I angered easily, noise drove me out of my skin, I didn't want to be around people altho I felt alone in the world, I had hot flashes so often that I was driving myself crazy taking my sweater off and putting it right back on, a lover of the outdoors - I could no longer tolerate the hot sun, my focus was non-existent, I had little desire to work on any of my arts or crafts and for a person that loved to experiment in cooking - now found it difficult to even heat the food up to be consumed.

If I didn't like being around me how could I expect anyone else to be around me. If I didn't understand what I wanted and needed, How could I exspect anyone else to know what I needed. If I didn't know who in the world I had become, how could I expect anyone else to know me.

Women are not truely.... Queen Bee's! We don't just sit on our nests letting everyone serve us; women are usually the hub. Our family members come to us when they can't find where they misplaced something; can't figure out who to call or where to go to get what they need; need to be feed; need something to wear.............. When the woman is out of wack, the family is out of wack. What they say is right, "When Mama's not happy, nobody's happy!"

My point to you, Wet Noodle, Ellie, and other women reading this.......... BE KIND TO YOURSELF! Stop fighting the changes going on with your body. Stop trying to be 'super woman' while these changes have you off balance. Accept what is happening as part of normal life. Imagine a catapillar fighting against going into a cocoon and then fighting to come out before it's time is due? The catapillar has to quietly wait, accept that changes that are taking place, but not give up but prepare for the day of rebirth and rediscover itself with all the changes.

If your dh was all of a sudden going through some horrible difficulties, wouldn't you want to believe that you would cut him some space, pick up the slack and help him through his time? How about your children, wouldn't you do for them? I believe, the difference is......... my dh would quickly tell me that he needed help in picking up the slack and my children would be more than happy for me to help them out. We women hate to admit that for some strange reason, we can't be in control for this period in time; we now need to let someone else do the driving.

Oh, I know. They don't know how.... we have spoiled most of the people in our families, but they will have to learn. Communications is so important at this time. Let them know, you love them but need space; You want to do for them but have limited focus and strength. You would love to talk and listen but the anxieties are turning their voices into demons............. (what ever your pitfalls are at this time). Communications are a major factor. Don't expect them to understand...... we don't! Don't expect them to get all things right........ we have been doing most things for them up to now and anyhow, we're not looking to be replaced, but do let them kick in and help without feeling guilty.

While you are trying to find a new, temp. balance in your life and family, be kind to yourself. Take more time for yourself..... this is not learning to be self centered or selfish, it is to help relieve your mind and body of negitive energy so that you can be your best with other people. Find out what new little things do bring you joy and pleasure. (Warm bath with lavendar and candles? Watching your pets play? Reading a good novel?) Find it. Find yourself. When you do have anxiety, find how to battle it; meds, yoga, meditation, pulling weeds, working out at a gym? You have to discover the new you! But have patience with yourself, be kind to yourself, give yourself permission to be different, to have down times, to kick back, to be less than perfect, and to laugh (even at yourself).

If that isn't enough, look around your area for someone that is oviously worse off; elderly and ill, seriously handicapped, alone in the world (no family at all), etc and find a way to do something good for them. (Getting your mind off of you.)

Ladies, there is light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a long time coming and I thought I wasn't going to make it but with PS and the fine people I found here, I realized I wasn't alone and neither are you. Enough of the fog lifted for me to see.......... me! I gave myself permission to enjoy the little things again. Then I gave myself permission to laugh again. Now I have given myself permission to love again. Love who??? Me! And I want that for you too.

Best wishes,
Maggie (Your PS-sister)

my dear dear Maggie, PS sister

I just want to give you a big hug for your post. You are further along in this journey than I am but so much of what you said hit home with me. I can identify with so much. I think what you said about being kind to yourself and to not fight the changes is so true.

I was always busy busy busy. My 20's and 30's were a blur really. I worked and looked after the house and garden, then when the children came along them too and of course hubby. Then suddenly 'something' wasn't the same. I wasn't the same. I can identify with the anger and not being able to relax. I still tried to keep up with everything though.

Now I realise it was the beginning of peri and now I know more about what I am dealing with, thanks to everyone here, I have changed. I don't try to be superwoman. I listen to what my body is telling me whereas before all this started I would just plough on regardless of how I felt. Now things don't have to be perfect, they have to be enjoyed.

hugs
robin

Boy does your story sounf so familiar, I have already gone shopping and while waiting in line i would put everything down and run out of the store. But there have been a few rare occasions when I have been able to but about 3 items at a time. I guess the bright side is I don't spend as much money. I HAVE also started shopping for a lot of things through catalogs or online. I'll think of you next time I AM SHOPPING.

Wow this is deep. Before...hum...I'm not sure I remember. I had a hysterectomy in 2000 so I haven't experienced the stopping and starting of the periods and my moods seemed to fluctuate just a bit. The only symptom I had was hot flashes, therefore I was a happy camper! No one told me of the psycho crap that goes along with it and that I would eventually have the anxiety, panic attacks, the shaking, the insecurities, the obsessions, crying, out of control and desperate feelings, and the nausea. Now I am ticked off that I feel crazy, my doctor has prescribed prozac, and my life has totally changed and I have to deal with that!
~ Not what I had in mind for my life ~
I am reluctant to take the prozac, I had it filled and keep looking at it sitting on my counter. I think I could just let it sit there and walk by it one more time!
I can remember I never use to wake up and get out of bed and fall into the wall (or almost miss the toilet and be hanging half off. HA HA) or limp because my ankles feel like they are going to break, although I have dealt with that for some time now, just thinking I do not exercise enough. The physical things I can blow off, all the aches and pains, but this psychological stuff is a lot to deal with.
But as I have read the information, this too will pass, so will my rambleing....lol
...To answer the question, I use to be happy, secure, strong, brave, and sane.

ADB

Hi there,
Before I started to go through Premen I was even tempered, more relaxed.

Now I seem to get grumpy more easily. Sometimes something little sets me off.

I will not say I was ever normal. I have fibromyalgia and read medical books for fun. That is why I flew through nursing school. I decided to become a nurse at 47! Add stress. I had lots of pain, IBS, just tons of stuff, but I have a high pain tolerance so I got through. I was onthe pill for 25 years d/t fibroids that made me bleed like a crazy person whenever I went off of it. I decided to go off the pill this summer to see if I might be past meno. All I have done is bleed. That is when I REALLY got the dizzy/woozy/head symptoms. I am STILL convince that I am the one with the tumor. Do you think they will do an MRI? No, it is too expensive. They never asked if I'd be willing to pay. Hmmmph. Well, I was a dominant type A personality, with intelligence and I loved to travel. Alhtough I have had anxiety since I was a kid (under control for the most part) Now, I don't want to go to the store, am afraid to get a job, and pour over thoughts of how my family will be getting along after my death now. What FUN! I just cancelled my Disney trip which I was so looking forward to cuz ...how the heck could I possibly have any fun?

Before menopause, I was mildly neurotic and a bit of a perfectionist.

After menopause, I have full-blown OCD, maximum neurosis bordering on psychosis, take lots of crazy meds, and I have to see my psychiatrist once a week, and email her every day!

I am one crazy old lady.

Hey........there's worse things!

Hello you have just described my life at present, I have been an Rn for 36 years and loved my work.. Due to anxiety, panic attacks and headaches I had to stop working. I have tried a few other jobs but some mornings I can barely get out of bed. I have never been on any hormones but after suffering for the past 6 years, I have an appt to discuss with my doctor, whom I am sure will suggest I not take anything. See I have this uterus and they just can't give you estrogen in menopause, they have to also give you progestrone and it doesn't agree with me. Okay so I started with dizzy woozy head around age 51 , still having periods, they did Cat scan, nothing wrong I am just a crazy old lady. Anyway Nov 15, 2006 was my last period at age 56 years 6 months. So now it has been almost a year without periods, but the hot flashes and muscle aches are horrible. Living on ibuprofen which isn't good either. Just wish I could have some sort of life back. I waited so long to have the time and freedom to travel and now I don't wan't to go anywhere. I can't even go to store alone. What a nut case. I just wish someone who has been in this place would let us know if things ever get better. Is there a light at the end of this tunnel. wet noodle

RNRita and Wet Noodle....I was shocked, yet somewhat put at ease when I saw that I was living the same type of life. I to had an A type personality, almost 50 years old in a couple of weeks, I am not working right now, but have up until a year ago or so. What has happened? I am afraid to work, afraid to go anywhere, Even the smallest lunch invites make me lie about why I can not go, and I am so tired of being tired and anxious. I had heart palpatations, sometimes up to 200 beats per minute, and sometimes lasting anywhere from 3 minutes to 30 minutes. No lie...and yes I was check out and am fine. But it had happened at work a couple of times, and having everyone look wierd at you while waiting on the ambulance, makes me fear ever being in that situation again. I was a workaholic, and now, I want to work but am scared. My husband is used to me bringing in income, and he does not get this at all. To him I am being lazy, and irresponsible. Thats what I want to know......There has to be someone out there who is going thru this and is married. I have been for 17 years. What do you do when your husband doesn't know a thing about women, and basically doesn't want to. He thinks its all in my head. It has hurt our relationship a little. I feel guilty every day, which makes me more stressed and anxious. Going to work and breaking out in a sweat where I am literally dripping down the sides of my face or nose was horrible. Yes, thryroid has been checked and supposedly fine. But I take Paxil, 40mg. And I know it is one of the side effects, plus it can cause palps, but I can't seem to get off of them. And the older I get, the less my body likes this type of med. Like you, I pour over thoughts of how my family will do after my death, who will attend the funeral, wacko stuff. this is just not me, and I am sick of it. How has your husband handled it if you are married. Any advice?? Lots of prayers and hugs, Teri

What was I like before peri? For me, I have to ask what I was like before my dad died in 2002. I'm not exactly sure when peri started, but I know it was around or right after that. I have always been insecure and anxious, but the experience with my dad's passing, along with peri, have made me crazy at times. My family (siblings) and I have parted ways because of things that happened after dad died. Needless to say, that adds to the anxiety and insecurity I feel. It's hard to sit at lunch and listen to others talk about mom (mom died in '98) and dad, or how they spend time with their sisters or brothers. I just sit there and say nothing, just start thinking about everything and start to feel anxious again. Along with the fluctuating hormones, I can be a mess. I'm so thankful for PS and for the friends I have here. I also have some dear friends at work with whom I can talk about anything, so I really am blessed. I wish things were different and I had a relationship with my siblings. I'm sure my sisters are also going through peri. I have an older sister who may even be post by now.......

Six years ago when my symptoms started my husband was understanding, then after about 6 weeks he made reservations for dinner, which I was not able to go. He was upset and wanted to know how long this would last. Now after 6 years, I think he has discussed this with other men and accepts that I will have good and bad days. I try to attend as many things with him as possible. I have a sleeping bag and warming blanket in car and if we go somewhere and I am having a bad time I will go to the car and rest for awhile. This probably all sounds crazy but it works for us. Hope thing s get better for you.//wet noodle

I used to be fun! Ready to go anyplace at the drop of a hat. On the go, from sun up to sun down. Party planner, traveler, project juggler extrodinare. Then, two maybe three years ago, everything changed. I'm cautious, anxious, slow-to-go, mostly no-go, and pretty much no fun at all and 20-30 pounds heavier (and gaining!). Often I look in the mirror and ask: Who are you??? I'm praying for the day I feel like a normal person again. And greatful for the days I do (whoever I am?).

I am one of those rare few where I was worse off before my periods and hormones started to wane. I have bipolar disorder, type I that is of a sort that is estrogen feeding. Estrogen fuels the disease. Take away its fuel supply and the disorder shuts down. I used to have to take two different medications. Depakote to stabilize my mood and Klonapin to control mania. This two tiered therapy puffed me up to 215 pounds. As a result I had to take blood pressure pills and stomach pills.

In 2002 the Bipolar disorder started to wane. The doctors were not sure as to why. They took me off the Klonapin and switched me to Gapapentin a milder therapy. I dropped about 25 pounds with that medicine switch. Then in 2003 my periods became irregular. I would go for several months without a period. I had developed PCOS as a side effect from the Depokate. By 2004 the disease was even weaker and the medicine was altering my personality. I was switched to a mild anticonvulsant, Topamax, which I take today together with a special diet. I have been lucid since 2004. No periods since September of 2005. I weigh only 140 pounds my natural weight before I was put on all those drugs.

Mornings

Real Me: Up at 5 am, make breakfast, wash up dishes, make bed, shower, do hair, make up and a tastefully coordinted professional outfit. Breeze out the door, drive to work with much music and singing in the car...

Meno Me: Drag myself out of a sweat-soaked bed and into the shower just early enough to become somewhat presentable and get to work before my boss. If my hair isn't scary, I'm not wearing sweats, and my shoes match each other, it's all good.

Work

Real Me: Consumate professional, valued employee, problem solver and asset to my profession.
Meno Me: Get it done and get out of here without embarrassing myself or hurting anyone.


Evenings
Real Me: Set a pretty table, and make a nice dinner for hubby...but eating much later than planned because sweet lovemaking got involved.
Meno me: HUH???

Ok, I'm poking fun at myself her, but only kind of...I want the real me back!!!! WHERE AM I?????

Wet Noodle,
There is an end, I am sure of it. I'm 56, don't know when that happened but it did. My last cycle, I believe, was in 1999 and I only had about three of them that year. Nobody ever warned me that "the change" meant anything more than your cycle stopping, hot flashes, and night sweats. I am reading that in most cases, other women didn't hear any more than I did; women just didn't talk about these things and face it, they didn't have the connections to each other that we have. Those poor women of days gone by, must have thought they were losing it. I would guess that the most of them didn't even know that thousands of women were going through the same thing at the same time. The women in our past had work at home that took a lot more of their time than it does today (we have much better appliances to help cut our work load) and they didn't have the electronical means to get in touch with so many others.

I have noticed that the 'go to' personality seems to be the more devastated from the meno changes. I was used to doing; coming to the rescue at home and at work, picking up what gets dropped by others, and blazing a new trail when needed. Able to shoot from the hip and think on my feet, I was able to fill in where ever was needed at home, at work, or during events with friends or family.

In my home, I was up and going, went to were the person was that I needed to talk to rather than ask them to come to me, played with the children and pets, did what needed to be done around the house and enjoyed outdoor activities. In my job, I always tried to give more than I was hired to do, helped others when they needed help (even if they didn't ask but I saw the need), picked up after myself and often after others, would walk to a person's office rather than pick up the intercom, etc.

This type of activity keeps a person's reflexes sharpe allowing them to respond fast at the least amount of request but it is also adrenaline filled. We are always on the look out for the fires that might flair up in our surroundings. That adrenaline is addicting just like when a person comes home from war, the new surroundings feel wrong; they are used to being on the lookout, used to jumping into action, noting every movement from all directions, etc. Now...... all of a sudden, that adrenaline is gone and it leaves you without energy (at least that is what it felt like to me) but when the adrenaline does kick in again it is in surges; an over-loaded all at one time feeling more like being shocked with a cattle prod. Instead of the adrenaline giving extra strength it is overloading your system. (I am not a doctor, this is just my take on how it feels to me.)

Yes, there is a time when this does stop. I don't experience this anywhere near as much as I used to. I no longer feel like I need to see a preist to have the demons driven out. The fog is lifting and I am getting some of my interests back. I now have confidence to drive my car on the freeway. I now feel like I can leave my house, be around people and breath even when I am in a crowd. It's still a little surreal because I beleive I am calmer personality now than I was before; less jump-to, but capable of doing the task without the burst of energy. I actually think I like it, it seems to offer less stress for my mind and body.

As to the many husbands that do not understand .... neither do we! Most husbands don't understand what we are going through when we are pregnant, after we give birth, during our period, or PMS. In fact, most of these times in our lives, we don't understand what is going on with our bodies or mental status. Men are not walking in these shoes and until you have experienced something like this, you have nothing to draw from. I don't believe many of us understood the misery our mothers or grandmothers were going through.

I think the best thing women can do, regarding their husbands, is to explain that we don't understand what the body and mind is going through when we are pregnant, going through the cycle, or meno, all we know is that the changes are taking a lot of energy from our bodies, leaving us a lot less to work with. The brain seems to have broken connection with certain parts of our bodies and has left us handicapped in many ways. We have been told that sooner or later, we will gain a balance again but until then, he needs to accept that you don't have your full capabilities but you'll try your best to function the best you can. Ask your husband to think of you as recovering or taking treatments for a disease that he can understand and each persons recovery rate is different.

I met a young lady, a friend of my daughter's, somewhere in her 30's, lost the capability to move her arms. The doctors have no idea why, but she will be fine one minute and the next her arms will be paralyzed. The same thing has happened off and on with her legs and her breathing. The doctors have run many tests and still don't know how to treat it because they don't know what is causing it. Does this mean it is really not happening? NO! Does this mean she should just knock it off and do what needs to be done? NO! I don't care if she understands, if her husband understands, family members, friends or the doctor understands..... it's still happening to her and she still has to live with it. Just because your husband doesn't understand doesn't make it any less real. You need to understand that your husband has an understanding disability and forgive him!

I hope this helps some of you that are still trying to figure out what hit you and to talk to your family so you can have the support you need to see it through. Best wishes and remember, be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.
Maggie

Hmm, what was I like...worked full time, took care of husband, kids and critters, and household, took college classes at night several days a week, shopped and cooked, and still had tons of energy left. Now, that seems like another lifetime and another person.

Before perimenopause took hold, my nick name used to be, 'no stone unturned kath.' I could multitask like no other. Now I feel that my life has gradually been shut down. Until the age of 42 I trained 4 times per week as an ice dancer and went skiing every year as well as looking after a large house and family. I went to art collage and retrained as a professional photographer which was pretty scary but nothing seemed to phase me. Then it all started. Migraines became so severe and regular that I had to become grateful just to be free of one. The migraines seemed to shut down the colon which was awful. I have always been good at cutting my garment according to my cloth, so yet again I coped. It was left to others to comment upon how terribly unfair it seemed.
Holidays became a thing of the past which was very unfair on my lovely family. I had a lot of neck and back pain and everything that I had once enjoyed just became too much effort. Joint pains became a problem and sometimes I felt 90 years old. Interestingly several blood relatives had suffered in the same way. I quickly realised that consulting doctors for this type of problem was a complete waste of time. When you consult a doctor about menopausal issues, 'the lights are on but usually no-one is home.'
Recently hormone levels have changed markedly and the migraines are much more under control but lots of other nasty stuff has kicked off. I suddenly developed, 'doom Syndrome' which manifests itself in me thinking that every minor crisis is completely the end of the world. This leads to insomnia and panic attacks. I have had dry, congested nasal passages and horrid throat symptoms for a year. It seems like asthma but I don't think it is. I have missed the last three periods but who knows what the future holds. I am now 51 and I have had enough. I still find it unbelievable that this is supposedly a 'normal' process. As my mum used to say, 'I will be a man next time!' Bon jovi immortalised the phrase, 'My life's a bargain basement and all the good s**ts gone.
I do get rather angry about all this but I still have faith that this is all hormonal and it will pass. This site will be invaluable in keeping me sane whilst I continue with this journey. God Knows, I just wish I knew how long the journey is set to be!

Cheers,

XIII

Ditto for me. Your post is exactly what I have been going through. I'm 47 yesterday, and since I lost an ovary at 45 my life is gone downhill ever since. I never know how I will feel day to day. But I have all the same symptoms as you. I'm trying my last natural remedy, Oona 1, if that doesn't help after two months I'm taking the lowest bio HT I can get.

Good luck to you and feel well.

Corky

Hello everyone, I'm new to the site...this is a long thread, but one I'll read completely...I've just read some of the latest stories in it.

One thing that beginning to read threads on this site has begun to bring up to me is making sense of midlife, which for me is more than perimenopause and menopause, although very often the physical symptoms of those two are somehow involved in things that have happened to me. I just think that there's more than the change that hits women about the time that the change happens

My before perimenopause is like some of the stories I've read in this thread so far: high energy, going all the time, Type A lifestyle if not a completely Type A personality. In my case, trying much too hard to take care of others and to please. I'm in a service profession, so that's a natch for getting too far into the groove of taking care of others...it's what you think about all day long...

I'm 59. Perimenopause started showing up when I was about 53 or 54. I've been past the change for 2 years.

How many of the following that I've been through are directly due to entering the change? I'm not sure, for some of these items. But they all happened together, sometimes two or three at the same time.

• Stress, from work, compounded with a difficult relationship, compounded with upset over the war in Iraq and response to how I see the state of society in the U.S. and in the world generally. Concerning the last, I'm old enough to have been through the Viet Nam war with the lights on, but the current state of government, of social behavior, and of military engagement both home and abroad is definitely tougher for me to handle now than it was. I guess my lights are more on. I guess I count that a condition of having survived to middle age and having seen some things happen.
  
  
• The loss of three people with whom I was close, in pretty tight succession. Can't argue with the timing of those things; probably has some relation again to having survived to middle age...eventually you have to say goodbye to some people, and begin to think that your own life has a time limit on it. The Great Body Slide after the change is a reminder of that, to me.
  
  
• A congenital illness that runs in the extended family cropped up. This one is directly tied to beginning the change, I think. The literature says that if this thing shows up it's either in childhood or midlife, and being menopausal seems to be a trigger for it. So while I was in perimenopause, I was pretty sick...it took a couple years to diagnose, and thank God it got diagnosed, and something's being done, and I feel much much better. Because I had this extra illness, it's very difficult for me to know what my perimenopausal symptoms were, except for some night sweats and flashing. Could have been the change, could have been the disease.
  
  
• I got dumped by someone about whom I cared and with whom I had had a close relation for 6 years. Related to menopause? I don't know. But I do think two things: I was dropped for someone else because I was sick all the time, and because I didn't look so good and didn't accommodate and care for this guy the way I had. I was a Type A caretaker, which he had liked a lot; I couldn't be. I was looking sick and old. Yeah, I think there was a perimenopause/menopause connection...the drooping body didn't help. But I think it was a bad circumstantial bounce. If I had gotten that sickness earlier, before perimenopause, I bet he would have dumped me before perimenopause. So just a bad midlife bounce. I say midlife because at 59 that's where it feels like I am.. halfway to 120
  
  
• Fueled by the disease, by the being dumped, by my close people passing, and by the change I really went down into depression..people certainly go through worse things than I went through; it was just my spiral down.

But I have to tell you that that at 59, 2 years past cessation of fertility, I don't want to go back before perimenopause.

• I'm adjusting to a post-change body, getting a little more exercise, and for me, every exercise session has a payoff: I don't care whether it's a little more flexibility or strength, or just a little more relaxation and better sleep. It's in a 1:1 ratio; I can't coast, I don't have any stored benefits. I exercise, I feel better. Now I'm a stubborn creature, so I'm still testing this out, but I am getting more exercise, and mood and body thank me every time I do. For the first time in my life, I have thought about plastic surgery. For a couple of reasons I probably won't do it, but that I could even try the idea on suggests that I'm sorting out what IS reversible and what ISN'T. My old assumptions about these things aren't being taken as necessary truth. I'm looking at a lot of things these days.
  
  
• I've gotten some grieving done, of the to me ugly and sad loss of that intimate relation, of the loss of loved ones to death, of the state of the world. I think sometimes people need to cry until their crying is done. I don't expect that those will be my last hard times, but it helps to have gotten on into the grief and done the crying.
  
  
• I'm not grieving the loss of my fertility. I don't quite know my longterm health strategy for being after the change. I have enough heart disease and breast cancer in my family that HRT isn't really a good idea in principle, and I'm in that 5 years that you're supposed to take it, anyway, and running out the clock. I'm taking it Dexascan by Dexascan, trying to get my calcium taken. My mother, not taking HRT and calcium only very late in life, is in her 90s and 3 or 4 inches shorter than she was at her tallest, and has osteoporosis pretty bad, so I don't think I'm going to dodge the bullet of having to do something more than take calcium, once a Dexascan shows that I'm losing bone (I am but I'm still in the normal range).
  
  
• How to say this? I had a very poor apprenticeship into being feminine, when I was a kid. I had to teach myself to shave my legs, put on mascara and liner. No induction into makeup, how to dress, how to stand and move in a particularly feminine way. Poor self image and confidence. That's a long story, but at 59 I'm very into finding some things out in this department for the first time, which is kind of perverse in a way because I've got frown lines, and have got the usual bumps and sags, but I'm having the time of my life. I do Smokey Eyes. Bare Minerals. Last night I bought two shades of fingernail polish. I'm going to figure out how to paint my toenails. I completely blew this month's paycheck on clothes that have lower necklines and some flirt to them. I don't exactly know how this is going to connect up with men (what men? I don't want to be around old fuddy duddies or grandpa type porch sitters), but it's fun. This, for sure, is a heck of a lot more fun than what I was doing in this department up to the age of 55. I have read the threads on libido and other matters with interest

So I guess I'm finding post change, and post grieving, and post figuring out what my inherited disease needed, if I were going to be well, a lot of opportunity. I still have a job that grinds me into the ground with work weekly, still have worries about taking care of myself financially, still have down days, still have the body experiencing the Great Slide, but in a funny kind of a way, I don't have to worry about some of my past anymore, and I have Ka Chinged that you might as well go and see, try it out, and go after better times. Sometimes doing that means taking it day by day, inch by inch, minute by minute, I do know.

That toenail polish is kind of a deep burgundy plum with some faint sparkle in it. Hugs to everyone. I'll read your story well.

Hi Bougainvillea!
Love your name - we have them growing here and they are truly beautiful, especially in winter!
Your attitude is admirable - you've been there and come out victorious, I'm so glad for you!
I love that toe-nail-polish idea! You should post in "Recovery Stories" and "1.000 things that make us happy" and more meno-sisters will read your encouraging posts!
Glad you've found Power Surge! Have a lovely week and enjoy your beauty session!
God bless, Jonie

Thank you, Jonie. I've found the threads you mentioned & will be reading!

Pre being 53..last period, I was a teacher. never got wound up or nervous. Laughed a lot, made friends laugh a lot. Was pretty active..walking, swimming, gardening, dancing etc etc. Enjoyed going out. Wasn't much overweight..well ..wasn't slim, but 135 pounds at 5ft 4 was ok. I'd wake up, smiling. Post 53...panic attacks. Three years of it. I remember how I was...ie never, anxious or fearful and I miss that. Don't mind getting older but I do, mind the fatigue, panic attacks and the restrictions of it. I do, fight all that but sometimes, it gets me down. Does it ever stop ??

That is my biggest question, and no one seems to know. Will I be like this forever ? Or is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I wish someone who has been through this would let us know if it ever ends.? Or at least ends long enough for us to have some time to live normally??? 57 years and 6 months I have finally entered menopause///wet noodle

Wet noodle,

No one has answered your question because they can't. Some people barely feel any menopausal symptoms ever. Others have a much harder row to hoe. Everyone is different and there is no telling which way it will be for any one person. One thing I have heard is that you will probably be similiar to your mother's experience--but I've read exceptions to that rule too. I would guess that it at least gets better for most--or there wouldn't be so many functioning menopausal aged women around.

Miss Tibbs

I'm living pretty normally after almost four years. The anxiety and panic attacks have gone. Hot flushes are minimal or non existent, sleep is relatively OK. I wouldn't like to say I have the same resilience to stress that I had before peri, but I haven't put that the to test. I am supplementing with natural progesterone, phyto estrogens and other dietary supplements though.

However Miss Tibbs is right, everyone is different. We're all on a quest here to find the things that will work for us. As recently as a year ago I was still asking what you're asking - does it ever end, so I'd just like to say that in my experience, it does.

what a way to start my day-----I just came and saw this.Do you think that the age you started perimenopause can cause a difference?Or when you go through menopause?I have trouble sleeping. and the really scary part is that I don't remember how to spell anything.I really don't care what the weatherman says about how cold it is outside-I am HOT,and the windows are open when I am home alone,but the real clincher is that I have been having colds, and flu for the past three weeks.Open the window.close the window,open.....i wonder if I am causing it myself?I just read my profile, and said"hey ,i think I KNEW her."Have a good day.

I don't know what factors affect it libby. I felt completely OK until my periods stopped coming regularly, a few months before my 50th birthday, then everything started at once, hot flushes, anxiety, insomnia, adrenaline surges, panic attacks. I'm 53 now and rarely have periods - only three this year and one of those was after a ten month gap. But despite the very infrequent periods I feel fine. I hope it continues!

My mother had regular periods until quite late 55 or 56, experienced a few hot flushes but was completely unbothered by any other symptoms. Who knows what affects it. Stress is one thing I think but apart from that, I don't know.

I think having difficulty in remembering how to spell and trouble sleeping could be connected. When I had the interrupted nights I could barely function the next day sometimes, found it hard to get my thoughts together. Proper sleep put paid to all of that.

Thank you so much for the feed back//wet noodle

hi did you manage to get proper sleep?What makes things for you better now,I did not really understand that?When did things start to get better?Are you taking hrmones?Thanks for responding_I feel better already.

Things really started to get better for me this year, from about May onwards, just over three years after I started peri.

I am using hormones, in the form of Natural Progesterone cream under the direction of a doctor. Also phyto-estrogens in the form of Estroven and Red Clover and various other dietary supplements recommended by the doctor including Omega 3 oil. I started using all these things a year ago as a result of suffering intense menopause symptoms when I was withdrawing from conventional HRT. Whilst on conventional HRT I still suffered anxiety and panic attacks. Since adjusting to this new regime I don't any more.

I'm not supplementing with estrogen as it's contraindicated for me. I am however using Estriol cream for vaginal dryness and external dryness in those parts - and the estriol cream has fixed that.

What used to interrupt my sleep was anxiety, hot flashes, adrenaline surges and palpitations. As I don't suffer these things now, with the exception of hot flashes which are mild and infrequent, I'm sleeping well. I also make sure I exercise - walking in the open air. When I've done a six mile walk I feel really relaxed. Unfortunately there isn't time to do a six mile walk every day but I usually manage 40 minutes daily. If I don't do it, I soon start feeling below par physically, which affects my sleep. I also practice the Alexander Technique from time to time which involves stretches. When I've relaxed my muscles with that and increased the scope of my movement with the stretches, I lie more comfortably on the bed, settle into the matress more comfortably somehow, and am less likely to wake because my body isn't stiff, it's supple. I imagine yoga would produce the same effect.

When I first went to the doctor about the problems I was having with peri and with withdrawing from conventional HRT, I was surprised that she recommended quite an extensive change of lifestyle.

Either all these things she's recommended are working, or perhaps I'm through the worst anyway after almost four years, maybe a combination of both.

Different things seem to work for different women. Other people on the board have discussed what has worked for them, as you've probably seen. If insomnia is a problem for you, somewhere there's a thread where people have posted what has helped them with insomnia. There seem to be a whole variety of different approaches and the trick seems to be to find a combination that works for you personally. I really wish you luck in your search. I'm convinced this does all end, all the misery of peri and menopause. A year ago I didn't think that way. There aren't that many seventy year olds still suffering this however!

All the best to you.

Before I started this nightmare, I was extrovert, fun loving, energetic, happy, had a successful career (this didn't stop due to the menopause but thats another story), and had a wonderful sex life and social life. Where on earth has that woman gone to??? I just hope that post menopause, she may come back, possibly not as exuberant as before, but with my love of life restored. I love to walk, but, I just get so hot, sweaty and uncomfortable, that my walks are just a quick walk with the dog in the morning, and the occasional visit to town. The mad thing is, that if I do make the effort to do more, I do feel better, its just making that effort, but having read your post, I think I am going to force myself. After all, living in the lovely Isle of Man, I am not short of lovely walks, despite it being the wrong time of year, I dont drive, but even so, I can still visit the beach, and along the Prom, so come New Year, my resolution will be to start walking a bit further every day. Gosh does that sound like I am procrastinating, mmmmmm, ah well, maybe tomorrow!!!!!

Yet another inspirational post, gosh I am so glad I have found this site. I am on loads of sites regarding Wicca, but I rarely post, I have posted more on here in two days than in two months on those sites, and believe me I am a dedicated Wiccan. I know what you mean about fog, my head feels like its in a constant daze, but reading posts like this, really help. I have a book of Affirmations that I keep whenever I read something good I write it down, but thats as far as it goes, I think I will definately do something about them, and I meditate in the evening but I am now going to do another in the morning, like you say, I am going to pamper myself, and let the worries of the world wash over me, after all, I think they will still be around when I feel better able to cope with them.

Gosh you're so lucky living somewhere like the Isle of Man for the walking. I walk at all times of year and have walked in some truly terrible weather conditions. However as long as you're properly protected and equipped I find you do warm up. You have to be safe of course and take account of bad weather conditions in certain locations. Some walks are safest done in groups I find. I wonder if the Isle of Man has a local Ramblers Association group?

I live in London so daily walking is on the flat unfortunately. However I get out of London for hill walking when I can, and that's when I walk accompanied as I'm not familiar with the area or the terrain.

Good luck with your resolution!

"""""What I'm interested in having you all share is basically - when you introspect about who/how you were before and who/how you are now, what are the differences?

Have you become more fearful since starting your changes, or were you fearful prior to menopause whenever you had an ache or pain?

Did you go to the doctor a lot before menopause started, rarely - do you go more often now?

Do some of the severe symptoms of menopause cause you to think you may be having a stroke? heart attack? or developing some horrific disease?

Has menopause itself changed you and/or created a personality different from the one you had before?

None of this is meant to be judgmental in any way -- but to gain some insight into who and how you were before all this started and who and how you are now?

You don't specifically have to answer these questions, but just share who you were before -- if you remember biggrin.gif as compared to who you are now.""""

Wow! This is a great topic! I didn't realize it was originally posted in 2004 until I was ready to reply to it, but it doesn't matter does it? I was thinking the other day that it seems like what we are before menopause is directly related to what happens during and after, our personality types help to shape how menopause is for us. It took me awhile to figure this out- I've fought what I'm going through for along time now, thinking it must be all in my head, after all my mom had an "easy" time with it, why wouldn't I? Well, I have more of my dad's personality than hers. I'm more passionate, sensitive, and easily hurt, not to say my mom is not a wonderful woman, we are just different. I seem to feel things more deeply. That said....
One way I am very different is that I am much more fearful now than I ever was. I was always the one my family and my in laws used to say had the most courage. I would try anything, do anything. In 1993 I drove myself and my 5 small children through the Storm of the Century by myself 20 hours to get home up north from Georgia, no sweat. I wasn't scared to go anywhere alone, fly, build something, ride a horse, play a game, ski, rollerblade, hike miles through the woods alone. Now, the thought of doing anything like that makes me shudder. As far as my health goes, I'm about the same, aches and pains come and go, if I feel something is wrong I go to the doctor. I do have more strange things going on now, so probably visit the dr. more often.
My dad is a retired md, and he always avoided going to the dr. unless absolutely necessary- the way he put it was, you go in for one thing, they find two more things. I try not to go unless I have to. I will be going after the holidays are over, to have a physical because it's been two years, and because I feel I may be depressed.
I feel like my personality has changed, as I mentioned before, much more fear now of physical things, not medical problems though, but I also feel like my emotional stability has changed. I used to hate confrontation, now I have no problem with telling people how I feel. I've always been tactful, but that is fast changing. My husband is a controlling type, and I use to struggle when we argued feeling beat up sometimes, now when I stand up for myself he backs away, because he doesn't know how to handle it! Yay for me! I've also become more compassionate. I dont' know about the rest of you, but I cry when I'm happy, cry when I'm sad, cry when I watch a movie, read a book, hear a song, think of someone I used to know..... I feel sad more often, but one thing is, I never feel lonely....
Sometimes, this can all be overwhelming and I question myself. I question my husband, my friends.... even every once in a great while, my children, although I get along great with them. The only ones I don't question are my two golden retrievers, they are the best!!!

In answer to What Were You Like Before Menopause Started?

Happy and blissfully ignorant

but really what a great question and a wonderful board.

I had hints of anxiety .... more now - yippee
I had hints of PMS .....now .... lock the doors and windows and stay low.
I had an appreciation for life .... now I have a worry for the future and a big fear of death.
I had a slight worry for my health ... don't go to doctor more, but I am fearful of every little thing ... I notice and panic about way too much.
I had a competitive desire to succeed ... now ... I have a huge fear of failure.
I was happy and laughed ... am happy and cry.

Motto used to be "deal with it and get over it" ... now its .."LIFE ISN'T LIKE A BOWL OF CHERRIES OR PEACHES. IT'S MORE LIKE A JAR OF JALAPENOS. WHAT YOU DO TODAY MIGHT BURN YOUR A** TOMORROW."

Cheers - and great question!

Six or seven years ago I was busy and active, doing a part time job that I loved and keeping fit and healthy. Heck, I didn't even take up springboard diving till I was 42! Then in my mid-forties I started to get tired and achey. Today, I can't walk for more than half an hour because it's too painful. If I push myself to do more, I feel even worse the next day. I used to have a very clear mind, although only an average memory. Today, it's all brain fog and not following quite simple trains of thought. I am irritable and tearful, although I do wonder how much of that is due to having no job, no social life and being unable to excercise to get the endorphins going. I feel like my life has fallen apart and I've had zero help from the doctors.

I'm looking at ways to feel better but it's hard to have to push stupid doctors when you're feeling so ill.