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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!



(((Hugs)))
Christina

Kleeo, I can totally relate to this. I am also afraid to open my mouth at times and when I do I just keep wondering why I'm saying what I am - it's like I just have no control over what is coming out. It is this out of control feeling that I think is the worse.

Have to chime in here...

I totally agree w/ not recognizing myself! Also used to be an easy going, rational, confident person. Not totally carefree, but feeling like I had a sense of what was going on, particularly regarding my body/health.

Now, every day it's a different channel and always w/ this underlying anxiety hovering around. Somedays I'm irritable or weepy or bit@hy or forgetful. I have crampy days w/ spotting & irregular periods too [28 days then 31 days, now 23]. Exercise makes me feel weak and sickly, not refreshed! That one really frosts me...

...And then I notice I'm complaining all the time, like right now! [sorry ]

Read here that anxiety is one of the earlier symptoms. Hoping that since periods are all over the map, maybe am moving along to middle symptoms? No one really knows as we're all so different. But man, I REALLY appreciate having this site to vent... Not all my friends are peri and some don't get this stuff at all. [Ignorance IS bliss, I say! ]

Thanks for listening to my rant,
new

I have to say that I can't really remember what I was like before this confusing and nightmarish time in my life. I think I have been peri-menopausal for so long...and then before that I PMS'd alot. It's been a good five years anyway I have to say of irritability, poor sleeping patterns, mood swings, instability and now the anxiety. I have read here that anxiety is an early symptom, that wasn't the case for me. I probably have a few years more to go because my mother was a late menopauser; so I never leave home without my Valerian. I find it really helps me if I am feeling anxious or stressed out. I only take it if I am feeling that way because otherwise I will get that tired feeling and who needs that during the day! I also exercise too which helps for my symptoms. I don't love exercising either but I know that it is good for me so I bite the bullet and just do it as Nike says.

Suzanne

Hi to all of you. I wish I had found this board years ago.

Prior to peri/menopause I was happy and content, with no reason to visit the doctor. I very rarely suffered from PMS then IT arrived.

Menopause has been a long haul, about ten years so far and I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. I now have to take medication to control my blood pressure. I have gained weight mostly around my middle, which is proving very difficult to lose, in spite of knocking myself out at the gym and watching what I eat.

On the up side, now I can say no without feeling guilty and the only people I justify my actions to are those who matter, not like I was prior to menopause.

The panic attacks, hot flushes have come and, hopefully, gone, but I'm left feeling very flat. I would dearly love to feel "normal" again. HRT is not an option.

Best wishes to all.
Snuggles

That sums it up for me too Snuggles...flat (and fat). My current symptom is very limited energy. If only I could go out and do things at the drop of a hat then I would cope with this better but if i plan I get anxious, take a Natracalm and feel too tired to do it.

Hi Alice

I also felt very tired at one stage. It was very difficult to cope at the time and thought I would not be able to continue working. I managed to bluff my way through and got over it.

Hang in there, it will get better.

Snuggles

I have to say that I also can barely remember what I was before perimenopause. I do remember one thing, though -- my complete trust in the medical profession. Now, maybe because so much more info is available on the internet but also because of my own experiences with doctors who think perimeopause is non-existent, I stay out of the doctor's office unless it can't be avoided. And when I go, I am very careful of what I say.

Like someone else said, too, I don't try to justify my actions to anyone except people who matter, which is different than how I was before.

In a wierd way, I think I'm stronger now, if only I could finally be done with these crappy symptoms so I could get on with my life!

I'm with you....I can't walk without sobbing either---what the heck is that about? I also have found that drinking at least takes that incredible feeling of sadness and anxiety away for awhile. Right now I'm trying so hard not to alienate everyone around me. sometimes I think it's all in my head, sometimes people say "why are you acting like that?" and I think "like what?"
ugh, this s*cks!

Yeah, I can't really remember either---I think I was a lot calmer. Now there are days when I want to rip people's heads off just for saying hello! I'm like two people, and one of them I don't like very much. However, I am seeing a homeopathic doctor who says that my anger etc are very normal and that since we live in a man's world we are made to feel like we are crazy people instead of realizing that this is a normal transition and that it's okay for us to feel this way (even the rage!). I liked that because I find I have to keep reminding myself that this is NORMAL... even if I don't feel very normal. It helps me figure out coping skills for one thing. It makes me think through things when I'm feeling out-of-sorts or angry. I also found it helps to talk to other people---my best friend is a guy and I often sit down and say "okay, this is what menopause is all about, this is why I'm acting this way." Luckily, he listens. Meanwhile my husband treats me with humor and that helps too.
And I'm with you---exercise is a good one to help out . And eating right (when I crave chocolate, sugar, starch, salt, alcohol etc). I know I can't stop what's happening but I figure if I accept it and learn coping mechanisms at least I'll feel SOME semblance of control. Isn't that what it's about in the end? The feeling that we've lost control. So, more power to you, Suzanne.




That whole crying thing is for the birds! It happens to me too. I always feel like an idiot!
As for the bleeding I tell people it's like having ebola. Here's a bleeding horror story---I was performing in a concert and during intermission (I was next up to sing) I went in the bathroom and found I was bleeding like crazy. Luckily someone had supplies (because I sure didn't).

Hi, I'm a newbie and am not sure where I should post this. I looked for an FAQ but couldn't find it and the topic is not explicitly covered. My question, which I'm sure a lot of us are wondering, is "when is menopause over?" I know the sympotoms of perimenopause and menopause but not the sympotoms of post-menopause. I've looked all over the internet and can't find it. I really need to know. Can't stand this for much longer!

teagrannie

I believe you are officially post menopausal when you have not had a period for 1 year. Hope that is soon for you!

Hi teagrannie - what a lovely name! Rendy is right, 12 months is the big one. You'll find loads of informative posts here and lots of info on the main site. It's huge site so take your time to look around. Hope to hear from you again soon.

Before all this started

I had a job - but I didnt have any time for my friends now I make time for my friends and I dont have a job
I drove everywhere - now I walk and cycle
I ate a healthy diet - did I heck - I now eat a far better diet
I didnt cry much and avoided crying at films and sad stuff on the news - now I cry and I dont care who is watching me
I sympathised with people who were unwell - I now empathise and try to help
I didnt believe anxiety could make you physically unwell - now I know better - OMG I know better.
I though Drs had the answer to most stuff - THEY DONT - now I use complementary medicine and have taken more control of what I put into my body
I didnt use web chat forums - now I couldnt get through peri without PS
I was overweight and unfit - I am now fitter and slimmer
I was doing a job which was unsatisfying - now I am going to train to do something I want to do
I didnt know myself - I am getting to know myself a whole lot more deeply

Mele

Before this began and trying to stay as positive as I can…

I used to dress for others and fashion…now I dress for myself
I didn’t show my feelings to anyone…now I am more open and honest with them and myself
My anxiety was like a sleeping volcano…now it has exploded!!!
I didn’t have much confidence…I’ve now completed a university degree
I didn’t appreciate that life is so short and precious…through personal circumstances I’ve now learned you can’t take people for granted, one day they may not be around
I never exercised or ate properly…now I exercise most days and have a fairly good diet
I tried to be strong and in control…I now know that I have weaknesses like everyone else and it’s nothing to be ashamed of
And last but not least, I thought it (menopause) would never happen to me…how wrong can you be!!!!

Mele, ditto…you said it all!

Seaside Lynne

vev - I have been wanting a drink when I get home for several years. I have felt guilty about it, but I think I started because of job stress, anxiety, depression, and family conflict during the dinner hour. I have two very strong willed daughters. I expected them to have chores like unloading and reloading the dishwasher, setting the table, getting water on table. (Sometimes they called me "Sergeant Mommy" )The girls wanted to argue with me . My husband wanted to be the nice guy and escaped to the computer/TV. Everyone seemed to come home from work/school and unload at that time. I wanted a quiet place to relax. A glass or two of wine would help to soothe me and keep me from totally yelling at everybody. I went to my Dr. (a female physician, general practitioner) 8 years ago and said that I was chonically tired, lethargic, backaches, neckaches, IBS, insomnia, crying a lot. She said that I was depressed and put me on Zoloft. This has been great for me - I sleep well. I am more even tempered(although I still feel weepy now and then.) The only downside is that it affects your libido.

The upside is that I have a good relationship with my husband, my daughters are now at college yea!. I love them but they drove me crazy. My last period was 4 months ago. I am feeling really pretty well, except sometimes a little weepy, stressed out from work. I am continuing to paint and I have started a novel. I have always wanted to write, but never had the time.

Thanks for letting me vent. I am seeing that each woman's experience is quite unique, and paradoxically, we have many symptoms and experiences in common.

God bless Dearest and all of you as we travel on this journey.

I used to be able to set my watch by when my period came; it was so right on time. I knew my body and knew pretty much what to expect month to month. I hardly had any PMS until my late thirties. My twenties were so easy. I could tell exactly what was going on with my body and moods and being able to diet a few pounds away that I had collected in hardly any time. I had to have a back surgery, but I was so young that I recovered in hardly anytime at all and felt fine. I had interesting work at a medical school and university hospital which I'd always found fascinating, anyway.

I didn't yet have signs of a thyroid problem and I had tons of energy and could party, go to work, laugh, get together with the "girls" and have a lot of fun. I dated, I married, I divorced, I found someone new....I bought my own house, a fixer upper and was so proud of myself. I had my own car and was independent. I traveled and took vacations at my leisure and my time was my own, to read, to go to movies, to a disco, to troll through the mall for hours or to get some beauty sleep. I could rest with my old cat and had the time to let him come to worship me.

I had broken hearts, disappointments, phone calls that weren't returned and anxiety and loneliness, also. But mostly I was free to hop over to South Street; check out the scene, lunch with the girls in my office. I could take jobs in the City and shop and lunch in nice places. After I was divorced at age 28, from a harrowing 9 month marriage, I didn't care so much about Mr. Right, anymore. I was free to make plans to move to California.....but I'd have to say goodbye to my new boyfriend, who seemed like such a sweet guy. My hair was still glossy black and shining.

He was a sweet guy and I returned after two weeks in sunny L.A. He helped me fix my house up. He moved into my house. We had a blissful time of going to concerts, going out to dinner, zipping up to New Hope, Pa or down to Cape May, NJ. We went to Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket and and finally, got married in a small ceremony at my mother's home where the Mayor of the town presided over our nuptuals. "This is as sacred a marriage, as if it were held at St. Patrick's Cathedral" said the Mayor..."and where but in America could a lay Catholic join together in holy matrimony, the marriage of a Protestant and a Jew?" My country tis of thee.

Thyroid trouble started, infertility problems set in, yes, I was growing a bit older. One doctor to the next, but finally at 35, I was pregnant, happy, had a cozy little bungalow, a wonderful husband, and with our two paychecks, enough money to get ready for baby.......the pregnancy was beautiful, the delivery, a nightmare as I was in labor from Friday evening, all weekend and on Monday was dilated only 4 cm and by 4:30 pm. My doctor told the nurse to get the OR ready immediately!!! My "natural childbirth" had turned into anything but that, but my beautiful 7 pound 15.6 oz baby boy was well worth the wait. With my husband at my side, we were ecstatic. He was such a beautiful baby.

Stress, no sleep, worry, tension, a colickly baby, neighbors and relatives who were of no help at all, a hot summer, my husband working long hours, breast feeding, laundry, having to quit my job, total exhaustion and depression and a baby who was very demanding and is now a demanding teenager. Summers at my in laws swmming pool....working a part time job for awhile. We found out that our son had Asperger's syndrome (autism lite). Our beautiful boy, who talked at 10 months indeed, had had some kind of problem as my instincts had told me.

In spite of the recession, we made it through and life continued. President Clinton was now in charge. I was taking Synthroid and Diovan for hypertension by then...so, indeed, I was creeping into middle age. My husband was to turn 50 and we three celebrated with a trip to Jamaica and a walk up the Dunn's River falls and snorkeling coral reefs.

A whirlwind through the years, my fiftieth birthday came, as did arthritis, to my surprise.........somehow, within the year I would need a total hip replacement. I let my hair grow out its natural color...hell, I had put on weight anyway. I now had a shock of silver/platinum hair and felt free enough that, I didn't need to color it and I let it grow long as I wanted.

I'd written a few pieces for cyberpublication and had plenty of time for poetry. My periods became irratic and I'd never had belly fat and all of a sudden looked dumpy. With my hip trouble, I had a had time finding fashionable, yet sensible shoes. Jeans didn't look good on me anymore....and anyway I thought that women over fifty looked like hell in jeans for the most part. I took to wearing skirts and dresses, clogs and boots...now illness in my in laws and my own mother and the face of mortality staring me down.....I go on, day to day, one day at a time and live each day as though it might just be my last. Youthful nonsense had been replaced with some wisdom. My periods were being traded in for common sense.

I am doing alright, after all.

Ballroomdaysare overbaby,

Thanks for your post. I too had my daughter when I was 37 years old and having to raise a teenager and going throiugh this hormones h** is not easy.

I have to admit that this journey has really allowed me to think of what really matters in life. I think that I have to learn to grow old gracefully instead of fighting it so much and maybe my body will relax and the symptoms will get better. I have been contemplating just letting my grays (whites) come it and just be ME.

Anyway, thanks again and enjoyed your post.

Plumeria

peace to all,
i begin by syaing that i am having a hard time figuring out wether or not the cessationof my period is due to meno or pregnancy. i did use a pregnancy test which indicated NOT pregnant. yet i am feeling so out of sorts that i still feel unsure. i have been experiencing pain in my lower left side where my ovary is and saw my weight gain go up six punds in a matter of days. pregnancy for me now is unimaginable. i have been able to avoid pregnancy for the last twenty years via natural methods. basal body temp mucous the whole thing. why do i feel so uncertain now? i am not a doctor person. my last visit to a doctor was over five years ago. i have been walking and jogging for the last twenty years. i just am confused right now and need some reassurance. my plan is to get another test but with a prayer that i am not pregnant. i just turned fifty two days after my period was to start and then nothing happened.

Jeddah

Tell you what - be a Dr person just for today - and get checked out - need to set that mind to rest - bloating and pain not necesarily pregnancy - I get this with cycles anyway - your cycles are going to be screwy in meno - the simplest answer to your body feelings is meno....Occams razor

Happy 50th for 2 days ago - you need to get checked up and then have another birthday celebration!!

Peace to you too - and please let us know how you get on with test.....

Love Mele

peace to all,
: ) just want to report that my period began today. i am totally relieved. in the back of my mind i had a feeling that i wasnt pregnant but uncertainty kept coming in. my question now is do i begin as usual with my cycle counting this as day one in order to know where i am with ovulation etc.?

Hi I'm new here and I am not sure I am doing this right but here goes. I was a pretty confident, happy person and I don't know where that person went. Maybe I should give you some background. When I was 49 I had been having a few signs of menopause, mainly the shortened periods that were extremely heavy. Then in October of 2004 I had a ministroke,if that wasn't bad enough they also discovered a problem with my uterus. So in April of 2005 when I turned 50 they started giving me a series of shots to speed up mesnopause. They wouldn't do a hysterectomy because of my stroke. I only made it through 2 of the shots cause they made me so sick. They did the trick because I really started going through menopause. The only trouble is it kind of enhanced all the symptoms I have so they are really strong and I am really miserable. One night I just couldn't take it and I started researching on the internet and I came across the Power Surge sight and thought WOW these women are living inside me. I sat here reading the message boards and thanking all of you for being here. That is all I wanted to tell you, my name is cardlady.

Hi Cardlady and Welcome again*S*

So many of us have asked exactly what you have "I was a pretty confident, happy person and I don't know where that person went." The fatigue, lack of interest in all that you once enjoyed, not to mention the hot flushes and other physical symtoms we get at this stage. You aren't on your own in this journey to menopause and you will find a lot of support from the women on this site.

I'm sorry to hear you have gone through so much and hope something can be done to give you relief with the problems you are having with your uterus.

I'm the same age as you from what I can work out, I turned 51 in May and after two failed procedures and am facing a hysterectomy in a few weeks.

Take care*hugs*


Hi Cardlady and Welcome again*S*

So many of us have asked exactly what you have "I was a pretty confident, happy person and I don't know where that person went." The fatigue, lack of interest in all that you once enjoyed, not to mention the hot flushes and other physical symptoms we get at this stage. You aren't on your own in this journey to menopause and you will find a lot of support from the women on this site.

I'm sorry to hear you have gone through so much and hope something can be done to give you relief with the problems you are having with your uterus.

I'm the same age as you from what I can work out, I turned 51 in May and after two failed procedures and am facing a hysterectomy in a few weeks.

Take care*hugs*


Sorry seems the post has gone in twice*L*

Dear Mele,
I love your attitude & approach. I am trying to get where you are now. It's just a s-l-o-w go for me




I certainly can empathize with you as I too was a pretty confident, happy person and don't know where that person went.
(((cardlady))) Hugs & thank you for sharing as I am new here too and not sure if I am doing this right

I'm new as well, so I guess I will weigh in too.

I've read many posts that state they were a happy confident person before peri/meno hit.

For me, it was the opposite. I guess the only way to explain this is that I got really used to putting my kids needs and various family responsibilities before myself, and next thing I knew, I was a 37 year old obese, sedendary, depressed woman that felt physically ill all the time. I told myself when my kids got older and didn't "need" me as much, I would do something about it before a heart attack, stroke, or diabetes disabled me or took my life.

I did just that. At 38, changed my lifestyle through nutrician and exercise, successfully dropped all my excess weight, felt 20 years younger and began sharing clothes with my 16 yo daughter.

Peri hit me almost right on my 39th birthday, a huge interruption to the newfound youth and vigor I worked so hard to get.

The only thing that is different is that I have to fight harder to retain the newfound health I discovered by changing my lifestyle. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed, but I'm not giving up. I felt bad all through my 30's because I didn't take care of myself, and I'm not going to allow menopause to put me back in that place again. Peri provoked me to eat even better, exercise harder, learn the quirks of my body in more depth.

I was never one to get along with other women. I was always one of the guys although I was very feminine. Now I seek out and appreciate women, their wisdom, comfort, advise, love and friendship. What a young fool I was.

That's pretty funny when I think about some of the women in my family now that they are over 40!

Before menopause happened to them:

After menopause happened to them:

The expressions pretty much say it all!

That's pretty funny when I think about some of the women in my family now that they are over 40!

Before menopause happened to them:

After menopause happened to them:

The expressions pretty much say it all!

***

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Hi Gals, I'm new here too but what a place to find! It really is a treasure to listen to other people with the same stuff going on and to know that it too will pass (todays a good day, yesterday I was in the end of the world mode and tomorrow I'll probably be in the wicked witch of the west mode) but today is a good day.... Thanks to all you fantastic women.

I never thougt it would be like this! Sure I had heard of hot flashes and mood swings but I had NO IDEA how intense both were! Before this happened, I had a rather ordinary existance....work, home, hubby.

I had the my uterus removed about 20 years ago, but still had both ovaries. Soon to celebrate my 50th Birthday. I started getting an occasional hot flash back when I was in my early 40's. Then I started to get classic migraines about four years ago. Then about six months ago the Hot flashes got so frequent and intense!!! Then the craziness started!....sad, happy, crying, angry! and thaat was just in one day!

I used to be relitively happy, I used to have energy to cook dinner and maybe work in the yard. I used to have a concave stomache even though i was always a big girl.!

Now I rarely have the energy to cook, the yard has certainly looked much better, I have air conditioniing but still run a fan in any room I'm in for more than three hours! I feel generally "off" most of the time, I now have a fat belly (despite exercise), And I just want to have those good ol' ordinary days back again!

And because of a blood clot history I am a poor candidate for HRT.

I just keep telling myself, this too will pass.....in time.

The biggest thing for me is I could drive a car BEFORE menopause started hitting me. I've been dealing with palpitations and anxiety attacks since I turned 35. My doctor has put me on one anti-depressant after another for the anxiety, and nothing works. Maybe because I'm not DEPRESSED! I understand the anti-depressants are also for anxiety, but let's not treat the symptoms, let's treat the PROBLEM. I have been trying to tell this jerk (the doctor) that the anxiety gets so much worse right before my period, and he said there's no correlation. I was too young to be dealing with peri-menopause. Then I got to the point where the anxiety attacks started happening really bad while I was driving. The head spinning, shaking, sweating, feeling like I was going to pass out sorts of feelings. So now I don't drive because I am scared they'll happen again. I don't want to actually pass out behind the wheel.

I cry for no reason, or over things that 10 years ago wouldn't have bothered me.

I missed my period in July. It was 3 weeks late. Then when I started, it wouldn't stop. It STILL hasn't stopped. I have been bleeding since July 27th. He finally referred me to an OB/GYN specialist, a WOMAN. Hopefully, she'll understand more of what is going on with me. My appointment isn't until Sept 5th. I feel like I could bleed to death before then. It's been very heavy, and alot of large clots for the whole 5 weeks. I'm taking an Iron supplement, just to be on the safe side.

I just feel like I am a mess. I never felt like this before. Like everything is wrong with me. Sometimes, I have even thought that maybe I had a brain tumor or something because of the light-headedness, and the leaning walking sideways feeling. Or just all of a sudden, my head will feel wierd. I don't even know how to describe that feeling. Kinda like a numbness.

I have been to the emergency room, I don't know how many times, over the past 9 years for this garbage. I have had a heart monitor, heart tests, an ultrasound on my heart.....There's nothing wrong with my heart, yet it feels sometimes like there is, because of the palpitations, and racing heart rate. My heart rate goes up to 110 bpm sometimes. Odd that an extra 15 bpm can feel so "racey".

Here's something that may or may not be related to the sudden hormone change:

I left my husband only for a weekend when I was 35, when all of this started happening to me. We got back together, of course, but while I was gone, I got a tattoo. I don't know if I would have done that if I were in my "right mind". Mid-life crisis? I like my tattoo, I'm not ashamed of it. I don't want another one, though.

I have also packed on the pounds over the past few years. I went from a size 9/11 to a 24/26. I have acquired such a sweet tooth. Also alot of late-night eating. Which I never did before.

I'm hoping this bleeding is the last hurrah, and it's going to be over soon so I can have my life back. My husband gets tired of being my chauffer. My kids are always "joking" with me about the non-driving that I can't do. They poke fun, but I don't think it's funny. I don't think much is funny anymore.

Sorry to hear that. I am having anxiety issues and Also was put on anti-depress. which help a little. You have come to the right place. These ladies are very supportive and funny. Dearest has setup a wonderful place for us to come and share what we are going through.

Tess-

I identify with every single statement in your post. The only thing I haven't experienced is the tattoo. I try to find the humor, but its becoming harder every day. I really feel too like my life has been stolen from me. I haven't had one normal day in a year. 9 years is too much. I wish this misery was something tangible that we could put our hands on because I would squeeze the life out of it and gladly pay the price for the pleasure of killing it!

I hope you get some help from your doctor. I can't believe that you told them you were bleeding for weeks and they made you wait even one day. I'm so sorry you are suffering, but you do have company here.

Before starting this journey, I would consider myself pretty outgoing...didn't mind being alone or doing things alone...have hobbies that could keep me busy most of the time. Liked to be around my family, (no kids, just me and hubby). Thrived on the stress that my job would give to me!! Would cry at sad movies (pretty tender hearted anyway). Basically a pretty well rounded healthy feel good type of person. Felt pretty strong willed and really could handle anything.

AND NOW.... geeshhh, some days I don't even recognize me. Some days when I'm home alone, I get lonely and I feel like I could cry over nothing...and if I try to just let myself cry, it won't happen...it's there, but just won't happen...and that can make one feel miserable.
My job stresses me so much more then it ever has and gets to me a lot quicker...retirement is not close enough for me yet.
I can't seem to get interested in my hobbies now...and don't know why.
I have NO energy and a major lack of motivation to get things done at home a LOT of the time. Oh, I do what's necessary, but anything beyond is put aside.
Go through rounds of depression, something that is totally new for me...I have never been a depressed person.
Don't want to be alone, but don't want to be around people who don't understand what I'm feeling like or going thru.
Have had a few of the anxiety attacks, and heart palpitations, been through the night sweats and deal with hot flushes now, get lightheaded ocassionally and my brain fog is off the chart sometimes.

Other than that...I'M JUST FINE!!!

[size=3]Hi. New here. I used to be a laid back sweet kinda lady who would occasionaly have enough energy to clean the house. I'm 43 and stopped having my period 4 years ago. Guess what? Today I'm having my period!

I was on Effexxor for about 5 years and tapered off that a couple of months ago. While on it, I was just about unflappable. Now I cry at the drop of a hat, it seems. I stopped taking it because I felt emotionally numb. I hardly ever cried. Now, I have mood swings that border on rage.

I started taking soy isoflavone supplements a couple of weeks ago. That may be what I can attribute today's bleeding to. I don't take HRT...scared of it. I don't like what I've become: detached from my family, irritable, weepy and I have no energy to speak of. My house looks like "who did it an ran?" and I hate looking at it.

Anyone here experience bleeding after years of not having a period? Couldn't find any specific info on this site about it, but then again, I don't have much patience, either! So I just may not have dug deep enough.

Would welcome any thoughts or comments.

I was a much nicer person.
I was stable (mentally & physically).
I was outgoing, with many hobbies.
Did I say a much nicer person???

I like who I was & hope to become that person again.
Perhaps with all of the information here, I will learn how to become that person again.

Hello all -

I am new so just wanted to say hi - I am 46 and from Western Australia. What was I like before? Well I was a very sophisticated, elegant, probably vain lady who took great pride in her appearance. So this ageing process has been really hard - it seems every day I deteriorate more!! I am fast losing myself as I was which is probably not a bad thing because the things that really matter are coming to the fore. I used to be so pedantic about things like the way my home was presented etc., but now it seems it just doesn't matter. I know that can be a good thing but it's really hard to let go of the familiar without thinking I'm letting go of myself.
I'm trying to be patient with the hot flushes - about one per hour - and the sleeplessness; but I am getting really tired and when I look in the mirror I see a tired old woman where I used to be a well groomed professional. I have worked from home in my business and adore my two kids, now teenagers - however it gets pretty hard when my 16 year old daughter looks at me with that "in your day" attitude. I still feel the same inside - yet the outside is telling a different story. I know this could be an amazing time for growth and acceptance - but it's hard to accept the wrinkles, grey hair - which will look blonde after I'm done with it, and especially those horrible brown spots which are everywhere!!!!
The worst part at the moment for me is how sad I feel. I want to run away back to the farm where I was a child - I guess that's pretty telling in itself. The sadness is an ache in the pit of my stomach and I know it's an important phase - this really is "the change" as it used to be called, because nothing will ever be the same.
The challenge is to make it as good as, or better than before.
I am getting teary as I write this, so any advice would be wonderful!!

Kat,

I can totally relate to EVERYTHING you said. I have always gotten great pleasure out of dressing well, looking good and having my home perfect. I really do think that the hardest thing for me is coming to terms with the fact that it's just not as important as it used to be and it scares me. I think that's why I don't recognize myself anymore.

I keep thinking that this transition time is so rough because when we get to the other side we will be so grateful that we feel better that we won't care about anything else and be filled with a sense of joy. Hopefully we will also understand what is really important...like family and love and being kind.

Hope this helps.

Lisa

Lisa - thanks so much for answering - you are so right - I know deep down somewhere in my soul all that 'image' stuff is very superficial - but it defined me as someone who took great pride in herself. Never to the detriment of others either - my husband and kids always came first but I was never far behind.
Now I feel they are out in front - my husband works in television and radio and everyone knows him - he is very handsome with olive skin which doesn't wrinkle - and when I go out with him I feel like I look so much older (I am only a year older than him).
I know that shouldn't be important but that's how I feel.
My daughter is a performer - I am so proud of her but she is really image conscious and sometimes tells me I need to be more flamboyant as I am now very conservative - but I feel I don't have the personality to match.
My son's sport career is really taking off and I am so happy for him.
None of these things could have happened for them the way they have without my input, support and encouragement - I truly am the engine room. That should be enough - me just knowing that and feeling proud - but somewhere along the line I got left out of the equation. I am the invisible wife and mother whose heart is breaking.
Despite all this there is a tremor of excitement at what this enormous surge of feelings will bring about - obviously I am trying to tell myself something!!
Love Vicki xxx

Hi...I am also new here.....have not quite figured out why when I go to add a reply I have to do it a second time before I am actually able to type a reply.

Anyways, I too was on Effexxor (sp?) for a number of years. Decided to go off because of bad side effects. My Dr. told me it would take about 2 weeks to get off....boy was that ever a mis-calculation on his part. I literally went through hell for about 4 weeks before I felt half-human again. I now take SAMe which I think helps me feel semi-normal. Notice I said semi-normal. I still struggle with depression but refuse to go back on anti-depressants, but have felt so awful I have considered going back to try something else countless times. But I manage to hang on with just supplements and Rescue Remedy, which helps so much with depression and anxiety.

I am also post menopause for about 2 years. 2 weeks ago I got a regular period. I was quite shocked to actually get it because a lot of times my body feels like it is getting ready to have a period, but do not get it. I asked my Dr. about it and she just said, oh it sometimes happens. It just means that you still have estrogen in your body. I left it at that but I think if it happens again I will have it checked out. I did a bit of research on the internet and a lot of sites say if you start to bleed in post menopause you should have it checked out right away. My older sister said it happened to her and her Dr. did tests right away. If I were you I would have it checked out.

Hi Maxxy
In my younger years I suffered a lot with ''depression" - I put it in inverted commas because I hate labelling feelings as a disease. I went through three separate episodes over about fifteen years and in each case received antidepressant medication - the last time the doctor really talked me into taking it again. After a year of feeling no sadness or anxiety - instead a nothingness - I decided to take myself off it because I wanted to feel again. I went through hell for a couple of months until it was out of my system. I used that time to research a lot, read a lot - work out why I seemed vulnerable to depression - even as a child I was melancholy at times.
Then after years of self awareness I decided that's who I am - I have my ups and downs - quite a few downs, but I do find that when I'm having a sad time it is usually instigated by circumstances with which my heart and soul are not comfortable. I'm trying to see it as an opportunity to really take a look at my life and make the changes necessary to set me back on track - in most cases it works - I feel like it is my soul crying out to me to find my true purpose rather than going along in automatic. I know everyone's experience is so different and under no circumstances would I want to say what to do - it's just an observation.
I think some of the natural alternatives help - I use the rescue remedy myself. The best thing for me is to be really self aware so that when the initial feelings come up I really address them, rather than waiting until it takes over my life.
I too stopped periods about two years ago and have a random bleed every now and then just to remind me what I'm missing out on! I also feel at times my period is about to come - I guess the hormones are really having a tug of war!
My best wishes to you.

'

I miss the person I used to be, before perimenopause.

I was confident, had seemingly inexhaustible energy, was generally happy, coped well in almost any stressful situation, and was able to really roll with the punches.

Then came peri.

Some days, I'm all of the above again. Other days, though, seemingly half the time or more, I'm fearful, sad, lonely, anxious, blue, and sometimes just to keep things interesting, irrationally angry at nothing/no one. It feels like I'm living life from the bottom of a dark dank well. I hate it.

I sure hope that I get myself back once I've moved all the way through peri into menopause.

Vicki,

I hear everything you are saying but the biggest thing that jumps out are the last lines. I sometimes think that this must be just like when as girls we were transitioning from childhood to womanhood. For me there were lots of hard days. Days when I felt like I didn't fit in, days when my friends began to feel like strangers, days when I looked at myself in the mirror and realised it wasn't my style but I didn't know what my style was. All those days peppered through adolescence but somehow one day it started to fit. I began to realise who I was, what was my style, what were my strengths and life took off full and plenty. We tend to forget those times don't we? Now is just another time of transition maybe harder but then we older and wiser and more capable, aren't we? I am about 4 or 5 years into this perimenopause. Symptoms are getting worse but I have a feeling I'm getting closer to the end and that's what I hold onto. Someone told me that in some ancient cultures this time in a womans life would be recognised and she would have taken herself off away from her family and responsibilities untill she felt the time was right. When she returned, she was treated as a wise woman. Wouldn't that be nice? Just remember to be nice to yourself. The family are not out ahead of you they are way behind. You are the engine and are taking a new direction, they will follow later but you are the real power and wisdom in the family. It was always the way. If you can try to hold onto that feeling and sense of great adventure and keep your chin up. This website is a godsend and will help. Lots of hugs.

Thank you - just what I needed to hear!!
It's funny how we know it deep down but it's what around us that we listen to.
I so wish women - older women - were more valued in our society - instead they are put aside and aren't even allowed to be seen in the media for fear of losing the viewers!! Oh if only they knew that it's those who have really lived life who we are truly drawn to - the beauty lasts a moment and then the lack of depth is apparent.
I also feel there is a creative side to all of us that we never get the time to explore - about three years ago I was playing around and drawing and I ended up drawing the most beautiful girl - I swear I have never drawn in my life and when I looked at the finished picture I was truly astonished. I found it hard to believe it came from me. Ever since I have wanted to draw or paint but that takes time - I need lessons because I don't even know how to mix watercolours etc., and I keep saying "one day" .... I have such a yearning to run away and I don't think it's to get away from my family - just to create enough space and time that I can listen to what God is trying to tell me.
Does anyone else have a creative urge?

Onslow...I like to dabble with photography...mostly scenery stuff. But I can't seem to stay focused right now to get into it again. Having trouble getting my motivation up again!
I seem to be wanting to do the running away thing more then anything at the moment...just kind of tired of going thru this crap ya know. Running away seems like the only thing that makes sense...but I know that can't happen!!

Hi JES80
Thanks for answering - perhaps the running away urge is telling us to step outside our normal routine and do something different.
I always find a holiday away from the home tends to put everything in more perspective - great opportunity to do your photography!!
When I leave my routine I see everything so much more clearly and usually set about making changes when I get home.

Hi.

Yes, our hormones are having a tug a war...and guess what...estrogen is losing big time.

I too, have thought a lot about why I suffer from depression. I have since my early 20's. At that time I was too afraid to tell anyone how I was feeling so I went through a lot of crappy years without treatment.

Over the past few years I have done a lot of research,( thanks to the internet,) on depression and anxiety. I have started to look for ways to help myself. I do yoga and breathing exercises, which help a lot. I have also learned to accept how I am feeling and not let it totally control me or my life. I have just recently started to get out of the house more, whether or not I am feeling not so great. I am tired of hiding in my bedroom waiting to feel better. I force myself to go out and be around people. And guess what....I do feel better eventually.

I have recently heard that Botox might be a possible treatment for depression. I am in the process of checking it out because....hey, you can get rid of wrinkles and depression at the same time. What a bonus!

Onslow, I did take a leap of faith this past July with doing something I would have never done years ago. And truthfully this internet talking stuff is something I've only starting doing since about May of last year. But I am sooo glad I've given it a try.
After making a friend on the internet we were invited to come see them...we live on the east coast...they live on the west coast. I decided to follow my instincts and go visit. We took the cross country drive to get there.
Although me and my new friend talk on the phone and live in the emails to one another I was still nervous about meeting face to face.
Well, I can now honestly say God knows what he's doing when he guides people together. Our visit with one another was wonderful and we had the best week I have had in a very long time. It broke my heart to have to leave and put that distance between us again...I cried like a baby for that.
BUT, we know God has his reasons for putting us together like he has and we are accepting that as best as possible. She is a few years older than I am and that makes it fit perfectly for me...so I will accept that we are so far apart. Thank goodness for cell phones and free minutes.
On my journey, I did get to take lots of photos and I now have some things to get me back interested in my hobby again in due time.

I have tried to come home with a new sense of new beginnings again and make some changes around the home here, but some days are just so difficult that I don't even want to try.
I do know what you mean tho about TRYING to make changes, it may help if I can just get motivated again!!!