Hey Jollie: Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. One of my greatest motivators is my new job (4 months new) at a non-profit Hospice. I am the receptionist but I feel I help make a difference. I get to move around, get my back limbered-up and mostly I work with people (office, patients, and patient's families) which gives me such a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment. I started with this company as a patient volunteer but as an employee now I cannot visit patients so instead I volunteer for fund raisers and community gatherings. My passion is people - I need the interaction even at times when I want to hide under the desk. It's what motivates me. In dealing with end-of-life patients, I feel it's like my soul-in-action work. It does drain me but I think it's what God put me here for. Another one of my passions is Power Surge. Reading and responding to all the other girls who have feelings and symptoms like me is such a RELIEF. Additionally, I have found a site where I can just lay it all out - the good and the bad and not be critized for it - instead I get messages like yours filled with understanding and encouragement. Thanks & take care, Tina

This is a very interesting thread, and I would like to add my thoughts too...... I never really thought about meno when I was younger. Why worry about it until the time comes, right? I had to much living to do, and didn't want to think about what happened to me when I got older. I just knew that one day my periods would stop (thinking they would just quit abruptly) and I couldn't wait for that time to come. The only other thing I had ever remember hearing about was hot flashes. So I thought I would just have some hot flashes and the ending of periods, I can handle that.... Ya right! I have always been kind of high strung, and had lots of energy in my younger days and before Peri. Never had to go to the doctor much, so I was pretty healthy for the most part up to a few years ago when Peri started in. I am 46 now and altho I don't have alot of symptoms just yet, I do have enough of them to know that I am in it. My main physical symptoms so far have been heavier periods, more clotting, shorter cycles, (an average of 25 days now), and night sweats. I used to get a few night sweats before my periods started, but now I can have them before and during my periods. Oh joy.. NOT! Emotionally, it's another story, I started having more pronounced mood swings a few years back when peri started, and that was one of the main symptoms that made me wonder if I was beginning this stage of life. I am not only going through Peri now, but I also lost my dear husband of 22 years, just two years ago, so I have been going through the grieving process as well, which has been a very rough journey to say the least. The grieving journey along with Peri has also brought on short bouts of depression and more emotional moments and days. My mood swings have become even more pronounced of course than they were before my loss. Some days it's very difficult to just to get through, but counseling has helped me alot, and also having a loving and caring family, and close friends that I can be open with helps alot too. Without them, I would be a basket case by now for sure. I am more set in my ways, than I ever have been, very strong willed, and more apt to tell people what I really think, and more free to speak what's on my mind, rather than beat around the bush about it. I stand up for myself even more now, because I have to. I've had to tackle things alone that I never thought I would have to at this age. Altho I have always been somewhat independent, I am even more so now because I have to be. It's what's been handed to me, and I have to fend for not only myself but I try to be there for my 2 lovely children as well, who are now 18 and 20 years old, as they are transitioning into becoming young adults while going through the grieving process as well. I have become an even more stronger person because of all that I have been through. So, not all of my peri symptoms have been of the negative kind so far I might add...... All of us are different and go through the whole peri/meno process with different symptoms and at our own pace, yet we all reach the same goal in the end, and I can't wait till that goal has been reached! Here are some things that I have learned while going through Peri thus far, and the grieving process as well, that I would like to share with you all....... Having dreams and goals in life is good, and I think we all should have them. Whatever life throws at you, and how ever hard it may be, you can get through it..... "One Day At A Time" You can't change the past, and you can not predict the future, so live for the moment. Count your blessings, and make every day count. Be grateful and thankful for all that you do have from day to day, as you never know when something or someone dear to you can be taken away. I know that I have talked about more than my Peri issues here, but when I am in my emotional writing mood.....it's hard for me not to bring my grieving issues into the mix as well because it is part of my life now. This a great board for all of us to come to as we help each other going through these rocky times in our lives. Thank you Dearest for this wonderful board! We will make it through it all with the help of each other, our dear friends and loving families. Peace to all

Hi Jan! I read through your post and it all made a lot of sense to me and touched me. I have also had to be more self reliant then I ever thought I wanted to be or could be during a traumatic period of mixed illness, perimenopause, adversity and loss. One day I said to myself with some surprise "I believe I am strong because life just keeps turning up the heat and I am still standing and trying and still sane". I don't think of myself as a strong person but I guess I have my moments, and strong points. Do you ever have that sense of tapping skills and wisdom that you didn't know that you had? Sometimes I imagine that strength and skill that I didn't know that I had comes to me out of the distant past, from my ancestors.

This is such a thoughtful, interesting idea for us all to consider...thanks Dearest! I'm in peri-hell and trying to stay optimistic, but truthfully, feeling very confused much of the time about WHAT IS NEXT? Before everything just was; it was easy, it felt right, it felt natural. Everything seemed in order. My body had a clear and reliable set of behaviors and rarely, if ever, veered from the customary patterns. Like all lives, mine was complicated, but this part of it seemed reliable. I liked being a woman who thought herself sensitive to her body's changes, and I liked respecting those changes. Now I feel like day to day, I don't know why I feel like I do. There are days when I feel bloated, but no period in sight. Then there's no period for months. Then I bleed for 19 days. I feel very betrayed and disappointed and well, shocked. Part of my shock is that I never had other female family members who I might have witnessed going through something similiar. So instead of it seeming natural, it feels somewhat frightening. Also, for me there is a big sense of loss. I feel like I'm loosing the self that used to be in tune. It's the self I know best, and this new, unpredictable and very uncomfortable one is a stranger. A weird stranger that is getting nastier and nastier each day. This website really helps a lot. I hope we can all continue to calm each other's fears and make this trip easier to take. With humor, courage, and knowledge!

Hi everyone! I'm new here but not new to perimenopause. I'm 45 but actually my perimenopause started earlier. It began with weight gain, a shut down immune system (catching colds left and right) and sluggish and tired. About 5 weeks ago, that all changed. I became nervous, thought with anxiety attacks, wound up in the emergency room which didn't make things any better. Went to endo, went to cardiologist, took stress echo test and everything came out fine. My endo says my thyroid is fine. When I first got these feelings, I thought I was hyperthyroid again or subclinical since I have a slight goiter and my body had similar effects to my past problem. But everything has come out normal. I did feel swelling around my neck, my glands went crazy and insomnia (which I was getting before) really set in. Then came this body flush, from the navel on up, through my stomach, through my chest to eventually the skin of my face. I get them throughout the day and night, but sleeping better at night since I use the natural progesterone creme right before bed. If I need to, I will take a pinch of Xanax, just a pinch to chill. I don't like drugs but sometimes you have to do what you need to do. Sometimes I'm afraid to drive cause I might get one of those attacks, flushes, palpitations, hot all over then cold chills or cold flashes. But I'm trying my best to stay in control and am going to visit my Gyne on Monday. Also, the flushes were so severe, it hurt my stomach so bad that it irritated my espophagus. It felt as though when I would have a flush, my stomach and reflex, espophagus all were popping until there was pain and then radiate into my chest. Good God! I still have my period, but last month it came two times and had spotting this week. This is a nightmare for sure!

Thank you so much for this, Dawn. As I read your acceptance of your "new" self, I saw how unaccepting I have been of this "new" older self (I'm 60). There have been so many changes ... empty nest, health problems -- even buying a car that I could get in and out of without sitting on the floor -- everything I was seeing said, "Old Woman." Thank you for your positive attitude ... helping me like this new, often strange, body with the young spirit still inside. ~ Sharon

Airfante, I also have a small goiter, plus had subclinical hyperthyroism. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. I discovered the hyperthyroism when peri hit. I had to search high and low for physician to treat my subclinical hyperthyroidism. I took the meds, and essentially traded hypo for hyper. The combo of peri and Graves made me contantly panicky. I'm much better, but still not having an easy time. The blood test for the thyroid autoimmune marker is abnormal, which means it's not in remission. I wonder about the correllation between this marker and a miserable peri. Did you have autoimmune hyperthyroidism??

I meant hyper for hypo. Another sleepless night, as it's 3:17am. Obviously the insomnia is still around, although I get much more sleep than when my TSH was non-detectable. Man, this insomnia is going to kill me. I have such difficulty falling asleep. Lack of sleep makes every last miserable symptom worse. Then I get anticipatory insomnia. On the bright side, I slept like a baby last night.

Hi Chris, I guess I am checking in with insomnia a few hours after you were here. I will likely be OK 'though, I just do my sleeping in two (or so) shifts. I get up in the middle of the night. I have a thick covering over the window to block daylight. I sleep in. Actually I have been staying in the bedroom for about 11 hours lately. I hope that you can sleep in.

Beth, Groan, no I couldn't sleep in. I have found a way around the ubiquitous 3a.m. awakenings, however. Don't fall asleep until 5:30am. Obviously the times on my posts are wrong, plus I'm too lazy to figure out how to change it. I'm glad I learned TM back in the day, since I did meditate part of last night. I need at least 7 or 8 hours sleep to be productive. Hope you managed to get back to sleep.

Some folks have suggested that perhaps a job is what I need to cure this sucker. Hardy, har, har. I can see it now, I fall asleep at some ridiculous hour, such as 5 a.m., then would have to be at work at 7am. I don't think so. I'm staying a kept woman for awhile.

Hi Chris. I did fall back to sleep and just woke up about an hour ago, thanks. How you describe working is actually how I do it (in the bad stretchs). The key is part-time, flexible hours and home-based. Hard to find, I guess. Also after working too hard at that job I am now back to "crashing" hormones again. As far as reporting as the clock chimes in early am, forget it, I agree. I don't think that I am up to that either.

I took a little nap, which helped. Part time, flexible hours, sounds about right to me, these days. Thankfully I seem to be having longer expanses of sanity. Of course, I'm also not in the worst part of the premenstrual period, but can tell it's getting time for another round. My anger had been a problem, of late. It seems like every little slight, I ever suffered silently is coming back to haunt me. These exaggerated emotions, which come with my hormonal fluctuations are exhausting!!!!!:o

Hi I work at home part-time and can pretty much make my own hours but honestly, its very lonely. It really worked well when my kids were little and definitely through the time of high anxiety but since I feel a little better (fingers crossed), I would really like to work with people. Sometimes I think I have to much alone time and tend to dwell/think about myself too much. Especially now that my kids are 22, 21 & 17. They don't need me but I'm kind of afraid that I will get a job outside and the anxiety will come back - there's no way I could handle an outside job and anxiety and there's really nothing like working at your computer in your pjs! I don't have any answers - I guess what works best for you at the time

Actually mind, the best reason I have for working is more human contact. So, I hear where you are coming from. I've also had intense anxiety through some of this transition, so I know what you mean about having to deal with people. I think hanging out alone can also make one feel depressed.

Mindis and Chris, I have needed to be able to work at home because I can handle that more often then I would be able to handle working in an office. However my job is flexible enough so that I can either work in the office or at home. That way I go in for the company and contact too. You are right it is a plus of having a job. Flexibility is key.

Before I start I have got to say how much I am enjoying these posts, yes many I could change the name and a couple of small details and they could be mine. I'm not much of a writer but here is my story. I'm 47 and started perimeno at 42. Big shock wasn't prepare at all! CLUE-LESS!!! Just clue-less! I thought you had Hot-Flashes, skip periods (OH JOY) and one day they just stopped and Wow wouldn't that be living AND no more PMS! For me my periods where always a pain, PMS was bad, my periods lasted about 5 days and the first 2 days I spend in bed (I just felt bad). Rest of the month I was happy and enjoyed LIFE! Depression-crying-anxiety-nightsweats-etc sure wasn't in my vocabulary. It all started with heavy periods, the first time I called my doctor it scare me so bad. I couldn't get off the toilet the bleeding was so heavy. I figure my uterus blew up or something! Then over the last 5 years it progress to every symptom in the book. I went from a high energy FIT person to one whom can barely function. I went to my Doctor again and again convince I was dieing. I survive thyroid cancer when I was 33 and survive it well! Now my thyroid level are not stable which makes it even more difficult . I do like whom I am now, more out spoken, I know how to say no at last. I just need a magic energy pill and the crying and the anxiety-migraines-body aches-itching-insommia-nightsweats to go away! I don't care if my boobs sag or my hair is grey Just give me back some kind of quality of life!! I have ran off into the ditch and just spinning my wheels>>Please someone give me a BIG PUSH OUT! But not now I'm exhausted and need a nap!

Well after your nap and when you are ready you come back and talk and read some more! Hope you find some answers to your health puzzle, possibly here on Power Surge. Talking about our health has been proven to be healing. Keeping it all inside and being positive all the time is a health hazard! Good health to you!

ROFLMTO--Cause here in the South, we don't use that vulgar language, here it's "tush." Am I laughing at you? Absolutely not--this is no laughing matter--it's just so pure how you described our communal falling off the cliff. Isn't it amazing Snow, how we could go from so well to absolute jello in such a short time? You got lots of company. It's almost like there is this macabre trap door in the floor of our lives and one minute we are here and the next--whoops we're gone. Snow, hang tight--it just has to get better. I understand girl friend, Mz Scarlett

I can't believe how we all sound so similar. I really, really can't believe that there is nothing we can find to completely relieve our symptoms. Every time I think I have found the cure - back I go! I wish so bad I could make us all feel like we did before this started. There is so much comfort in knowing there are others going through this. But the logical scientist in me can't stop thinking there must be a solution. Four weeks ago I started taking a small dose of Trazadone for sleep. That worked great - no more insomnia - more energy - less anxiety. Then stupid me switched from my natural hormones to birth control pills to stop the spotting that wouldn't go away. What a big mistake - now I am back to anxiety and weepiness. I went back to my natural hormones and I hope that I will start to feel good again soon. Or do you think I messed things up again permanently? Do you guys have any suggestions for the weepiness? I don't really feel depressed just have a terrible urge to cry. I wish I would have left good enough alone!! Anti-weepiness suggestions would be much appreciated.

boone, i think i wrote to you before and mentioned 5-htp. have you tried it? i found it to be the last missing piece of the "feel better" puzzle. i havent experienced the "weepies" at all since starting the 5-htp over 2 months ago! before using it , i cried at the drop of a hat on a daily basis it seemed. please give it a try. and i dont think you messed up things permanently by switching your meds , but i would expect it to take a little while to get out of your system and then to build up the natural stuff again to a good level. but im sure it will happen that you will start to feel better within the next month or so.its so tempting to give other things a try when you hear how great it works for other women, but im too chicken to take a chance and maybe pull the rug out from under my own feet. take care of yourself and remember to tell yourself that this is only temporary and it will pass!!you will find a good balance again soon!and try at least one bottle of the 5-htp! im so sure its going to help you so much.

Sudio, Thanks so much for your suggestions and encouragement. I am willing to try most anything! I did try 5-HTP a couple months ago for sleep and it never really did help. I am taking a small dose of Trazadone now for the insomnia and it really has helped. I have a Dr. appt. on Thursday and will ask if 5-HTP is okay to take with the Trazadone. What dose of 5-HTP did you find that works for you? Does it make you drowsy at all? Boone

Suido I'm pretty much new here and I haven't heard about the 5HTP. Please let me know what it is and where I can buy it. Like Boone I'm crying like crazy, I had crying spells at the beginning and then they stopped but just last week they returned worse then ever. I'm going to the Doc tomorrow and see what he can give me, I've tried so much but he is my new family doctor and seems pretty caring. I also received the revival soy today. Seems so silly to cry when there is no reason! ~C

boone and snowmoon, boone , i only take 50mg. of the 5-htp in the morning and i sleep like a baby at night. my naturpath told me to take 50mg. in the morning and another 50mg before bed but i have never needed to take the one at night. but my daughter ,26, had terrible insomnia and she takes 100mg. before bed and she sleeps great now too. she said that about half-an-hour before bed she takes it and she cant stay awake after that. no it doesnt make me drowsy at all! when you take it during the day it produces seratonin in your brain and at night it automatically produces melotonin to help you sleep. and i also talked to my dr. about it and she said that some people take up to 600mg. a day and its perfectly safe. snowmoon, 5-htp is a natural product. all it is is an amino acid that our bodies produce. i have read about it and its supposed to be better to use that antidepressants and it works better! very safe. there is a book out there written by an expert on 5-htp but i havent got it yet. i cant remember the authors name but you can find it online im sure. just type in 5-htp and go from there. if i find it , ill let you know. but let me tell you , it has made the biggest difference for me! like i said , since starting it i havent had the terrible moodswings and crying jags at all. boone, if it didnt work for you last time , try upping the dose a little. thats what it says in something i read on it , if after 2 weeks you dont feel a difference , (at 50mg.) go up to 100mg. and remember it doesnt make you drowsy during the day because it only produces seratonin then. then at night it will start producing the melotonin you need to sleep. good luck to you both. and let me know how things go after you try it.i noticed a difference the very first time i took one pill! and it got better every day after that! sudio

Thanks Sudio, It is awesome that you found something that works so well for you. I will definitely talk to my Dr. about it. Boone

According to Dr. Lee Baer, in guest visits to Power Surge, : Sasygrl: "Have you ever head of 5HTP for depression? Is it safe?" Dr. Lee Baer: "This is serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter in the brain and is involved with depression (as well as OCD). SRI drugs like Prozac increase 5HTP. There are vitamins that are supposed to increase this as well but this is not really tested. You should ask your doctor before taking anything that can increase serotonin (like St. John's wort)." According to Dr. Alex Lukeman in his visit to Power Surge, ... BHPurple: "Last year at this time I read that the FDA was investigating 5HTP for contaminants? Do you know what happened? Mayo clinic reported problems with 5HTP specifically" Dr. Alex Lukeman: "Hi Purple, no but they are very concerned about anything related to Tryptophan because of the prior incident. They are looking at the wrong thing here. But it's true that contaminants could be very serious. It affects the blood, has severe flu-like symptom and in the Tryptophan batch from Japan it killed. That was because they tried to speed up production by using genetically altered bacteria to produce the product." If you want to find out more about 5-HTP, you can ask Power Surge's pharmaceutical consultant (for almost 9 years), Pete Hueseman, R.Ph, PD - in the Ask The Pharmacist area of the Web site. Pete knows all about and sells these natural products. He'll be glad to give you the information you need. I have used l-tryptophan. It's very helpful for sleep disorders and relaxation. Everyone got hysterical about 20 years ago (I was actually using it then, too) when a bad batch came into the country. As a result, it became unavailable - more so OTC than by prescription. I don't know if you can get l-tryptophan OTC (which is contained in 5-HTP in smaller doses), or if you have to get it by prescription. Pete can tell you more about both. Dearest