Hello, I posted a introduction. I am so happy I found this site, I have been in a very bad way for many months. The medicine I am taking is not working and it has made me worse, so I am praying very hard for the courage to cope and get better. I have panic attacks with depression, the two antidepressants I have tried have been ineffective also therapy did not work, the therapist told me I was "too anxious to benefit from EMDR therapy" and "challenging" she never phoned be back after a few sessions so that really effected me. I wake every morning shaking with fear and it goes on for hours, then I cry at night because I am so drained from the fear and panic, sometimes at night when I pray I feel normal but it always returns the day after, I have a special-needs son that needs me to be strong, my husband is so frustrated and mad and my family and friends avoid me they pretty much told me to "call when I am better" I realize this is hard for them but it hurts to be shunned like this. I am very worried I have become accidently pregnant, I had a pregnancy scare in Feb and that is what started this terrible cycle of fear worry panic and depresssion, along with heavy periods and chemical and hormonal changes. I use the rythm method along with contraceptive foam [my husband refuses to wear condoms which makes me so upset} Perhaps you all can help me quell this fear, because along with the panic and depression its causing me chest pain and great anxiety, I had relations with my husband on Saturday night, Sunday morning my monthly started it was a few days early, I bled heavy for 3 days as usual, on Wed morning I woke up and discovered "very fertile mucus" like when I ovulate, this stunned me, I always ovulate shortly after my monthly, but never at the tail end of it , I was actually still bleeding a little with the fertile mucus, which never happened!? Now with my anxiety and worry I have convinced myself I am pregnant, I know sperm can live in the body for 5 days, I used foam but I am still scared I was not supposed to ovulate for 4 more days. When I was month late in Feb/March I was not pregnant, my cycle was just changing because of the perimenopause, people were horrid to me, all I heard was "down-syndromes baby" "deformed child" and "you have to have a termination because of your age" my husband almost left me! My question is its probably very hard for a 45 year old woman to have a child or get pregnant isn't it? I love children but with the medicine, my panic and depression, a special-needs child and a husband who is never here, this would be awful, I know I could never handle it, I am so afraid I am pregnant, I just hope this is just part of my anxiety, if I had not ovulated early this fear would of never entered my mind, the time frame was so close, I used protection but I know that can fail, do women still release eggs at 45? I have heard if they do they are mostly defective, and the foam could damage it further, I hope I have not offended anyone with this topic, I have tried to be as tasteful as possible, my own DOctor said back in Feb, "if you are do not call me, and no OB-GYN will touch you" The very LAST thing I need is a change of life pregnancy right now, if I was stronger I could do it and not a panic attack, depressed mess, I cry every night because I feel so weak and ashamed, I worry about cancer and dying, and leaving my son, I wish I could find the help or medicine I need, all the medicines do not work and cause terrible side effects, is there light at the end of the tunnel for me, does anyone else think they are dying every day?? I hate living like this, I am no use to anyone. I am sorry this is so long, I hope I have not bothered anyone, I have no family or friends to turn too, thank you for any advice and prayers. God bless you all, Ramella.

Ramella

I am sorry you are feeling so badly...and yes I have felt the exact same way you are describing right now....this went on for months and I still have the anxiety and depression but are starting to get better....but I have had all the fears you have and still do..they are just not as intense at the moment..but I am on a medication right now which I think may help me alot..certainly hope so..the fear and panic and crying are just horrible honey..I know.......I would think it would be very hard to get pregnant at this age...however not impossible...please dont worry yourself sick over it...I am also 45 so I totally understand your fear of pregnancy. I do beleive this will all get better with time....hang in there...feel free to pm me anytime you just need someone to bounce stuff off of......take care...and just know it will get better!.........


barbra

Ramella,

Hang in there! Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. Wow, I can't believe that therapist lady was such a wench to you! Please, try to find a counselor who knows about perimenopause, and who does Cognative Behavioral Therapy. It might take a while and a few tries to find someone, but you deserve a counselor who is understanding, compassionate, and believes in you.

As far as birth control goes, have you considered using a diaphragm? It might be more reliable than using foam with the rhythm method. You need a "prescription" from a doctor who will fit you with the right size.

As far as the anti-depressants, if they're not working for you, there may be other options. Do you have a doctor who is knowledgable about perimenopause? Is there a menopause specialist in your area? Perhaps you could benefit from some bioidentical progesterone? If you search this site, you'll find info on Pete the Pharmacist at Belleview Pharmacy. They can test your hormone levels and figure out what mixture of bioidentical hormone replacement might help you with some of your symptoms.

Don't give up! You are your own best advocate when it comes to your health care. If someone who is supposed to help you isn't helping you, then move on and find a new doctor, counselor, etc. And remember, you are not alone!

Thank you Barbara and rsgreen for your warm compassionate replies. I foolishly thought that one day in my forties or fifties I would just taper off and stop bleeding, what a shock to know that that does not happen. All this anxiety and panic did come back when I had two periods in Feb and then skipped in March, now I bleed heavily, its the depression that is scary and the "health anxiety" I actually ran to the ER twice thinking I was dying, and called the parmedics once, I feel I have made a fool of myself, I cannot get a handle on this panic and depression, medicines are not working and I feel pretty hopeless, I am glad I found this site because people in my life are NOT supportive, in fact they are pretty mad at me because of the way I am acting. I am praying to feel better and function better, this pregnancy scare has got me in a whirlwind, I know the risks and it would not be good, I always wanted a daughter {I have a son} but I feel my time has passed and I am in no way emotionally physical or mentally stable right now to carry one, its just one more worry to add to my list! My sister tells me I must "think positive" its the key to being healthy and happy again, but easier said than done. Thank you again for your compassion and caring, I am glad I found this site. God bless, Ramella.

Ramella,

You are not alone. I felt the same way when this started 6 months ago. I also assumed I would get a few hot flashes and such but nothing like the severe anxiety and fear I have experienced.

A therapist specialized in cognitive based therapy helped me a great deal. So did a gynecologist who understood menopause. I don't know if this is an option but birth control pills can help the peri symptoms as well as the obvious other benefit.

I did not think my family would be supportive but after they understood that this was menopause and that it was a natural phase to go through they were very understanding. It is important that you know you are not going crazy.

Please, search through all of this site. There is wonderful advice, book recommendations and experts you can email.

Ramella,...hey now, Im gonna point something out to you ok...you were not being FOOLISH in thinking it would all taper off. A fool is someone who knows better yet still continues to do it and doesnt care of the outcome...you were "ignorant" of the facts..(ignorant is not knowing) BIG DIFFERENCE hun...okay?

I ditto about getting Cognitive Behavior Therapy...it has helped me TREMINDOUSLY as well...sometimes by talkin with the gals on here and my 2 older ones and also my BF...helps me with the "Stinking Thinking"...(remember I was telling you about this earlier..the what ifs...the coulda , wouldas, and shouldas...) They understand this ,.. if this is possible for you and you if have insurance to help..call a mental health clinic..and ask if they have any trained counselors in this...and if you dont have the insurances..there are therapist that will charge on a sliding fee scale as well..

Get knowledge hun, and pray for understanding and the wisdom on how to apply it too..Ask questions and* a biggie here...please dont feel or allow yourself to think you dont have anything to offer to anyone else on here...jump in too,...okay?!

Thank you DaMomma and Rendy, I have heard many good things about CBT, I would rather try that than the meds since they have not worked and the side effects have been so brutal. I have a psych Doctor appt tommarow evening, I heard he does CBT, I was reluctant to see a man but I could not find a woman psych Doctor nearby, I am nervous but I need to do something.

I have thought alot about the "stinking thinking" DaMomma, this disorder really makes you negative I know I am tryin to work on that right now, I most probably need a good GYN and the salivia test as you and Che Che have told me.

I am so happy I found this site, the women are fantastic, I believe it was a godsent. Thank you, Ramella

Hi everyone,

I am new on here and also posted an intro. I hope I am doing this all right.

I just turned 50 in Nov. I cannot believe it. I get a sick feeling when I think about it. I have a just turned 26 yr. old son and an 11 yr. old daughter. I have 2 grandchildren. Besides all of them I hate just about everything else about my life. Or yes, I also have a husband.

Hi Kassie,

and welcome to Power-Surge...

I have IBS, and sometimes have the sense you talk about, of taking only a couple bites and feeling full.

Have you talked to your doctor? It's worth running this past him/her, because it can also signal something going on with the ovaries.

IBS symptoms also include alternating constipation/diarrhea (FUN), and low stomach pain.

Hope you get some relief soon.

JJ

Hi JJ,

Thanks for the welcome.

I do have constipation almost constantly and diarhea sometimes. I was also diagnosed with reflux and a fibroid on my uterus a couple of yrs. ago. He also told me I had cysts on my ovaries but said that was normal.

I recently had a pap and it was ok. He wanted me to have blood tests to test thyroid and hormones and also an ultrasound to see about the fibroid. The problem is that I do not have insurance so I can't do that right now.

I feel like I am dying with some kind of disease. Most of the time I have so much anxiety. A lot of times I just pace the floor. I just don't know what else to do. I can't sleep good, hurt all over, have the "unreal " feelings and many other symptoms.

This is my third severe episode. The first two came after I had my children. The first time I had panic attacks and anxiety. The second time I had mostly severe anxiety. I tried different antidepressants which I had some bad side affects. So I just quit trying with them. In between these two times I did recover a lot but never fully. It was about 14 yrs. between the first two times. And about 12 yrs. between the last time until now.

I just turned 50 in Nov. and I know that some of this has to be peri. My periods are irregular. I skip months. I am just so scared with all these hideous feelings. I just can't believe this is happening to me. I feel like a totally different person. Like a zombie most of the time. I cannot breathe or sleep good. I feel like I am going to lose my mind.

I know that peri. can make you feel all kinds of feelings but the trouble breathing? This really scares me. I had a pulmonary test prob. about 5 or 6 yrs ago and they said there was nothing wrong.

Sorry to go on and on so much. I am just scared and do not know what to think.

Thanks for listening,
Kassie

Kassie,

I've suffered with PMS all my life, and I too was very ill after the birth of my two kids by caesarian, due to a small pelvis. After the first one I got terrible dizzy spells. They were so bad I thought I had a brain tumour or something, and I would have to get on the floor and lie down until they passed. It lasted for 14 months and then subsided. This was accompanied by depression and anxiety, but I got through it.

After my daughter was born though, I was really ill, much worse than before. It went on for over two years and what has blown me away is how similar the symptoms were to much of what is described on this board as peri symptoms. Panic attacks and agrophobia, feelings of unreality, that weird feeling that everything was crooked, (even the floors etc were on a slant), terrible tinnitus and noises in the ears, and that terrifying internal shaking which made it all but impossible to sleep at night. Even though I had been small throughout the pregnancy I gained a lot of weight afterwards, was very puffed up and bloated, and I also got hot flashes, and I had trouble catching my breath and would get breathless just crossing the room.

The symptoms are just so similar to those of peri, and for me anyway I have taken comfort from that. From what I have read here, much of the initial distress is caused by people wondering what in hell is happening to them. For you and I, (and others I daresay) the fact that we had post natal illness, at least means we know that what's happening to us now is a) it's hormonal and we got through it before, so we can darn well do it again. At least that's how I'm looking at it.

I really feel sorry for those who have never experienced anything like this before and then wham, out of the blue, it hits. Although it was hell to live through at the time, I did come through the PNI (as did you) and eventually got back to normality, and I am taking a lot of strength from that

This devil has got a name - Peri. It's caused by hormonal and chemical imbalances in the body, just the same as all those other horrors like PMS and PNI that us women have to contend with throughout our reproductive lives. When the hormones go out of whack, it can be terrifying ... a range of physical symptoms from vertigo to being unable to breathe, from crippling headaches to internal tremors. From drenching nightsweats to agrophobia. We are convinced there is something terribly wrong with our hearts, our brains, all kinds of imaginery and terrifying ailments because the symptoms are just so scary .... so we go for all kinds of tests and treatments to no avail. The bewilderment and fear while all this is going on just magnify everything and make it 10 times worse. Welcome to the world of peri menopause.

Ok so now we know what it is, that for me takes away a lot of the fear. So what to do? Well apart from reading every darn thing I can lay hands on about all this malarky, I am going to try and do everything I can to help myself through it. That means being as informed and well equipped as I can to tackle this mighty challenge. I can't run away and hide .. it's here and I've got to deal with it, so I'm going to try and do the best job I can.

I believe your breathing problems are caused by your severe anxiety, and if you read up on the mechanics of shallow breathing through the freeze/flight/fight response you will see how this is caused. Just read everything you possibly can Kassie. These boards alone are a wealth of information and insight, and I have learned so much in the few days I have been here. There are also numerous resources on the web, your library, women's groups ..etc.

For me ... it has meant a real commitment to yoga and meditation (which has helped no end with the anxiety and depression) regular physical workouts, improving my diet 10 fold. Junk food and booze are out - fresh, unprocessed foods, soy, lots of water and supplements are in. Accepting my limitations, getting rid of toxic people and situations and for the first time in my life being 'selfish' i.e. finding the ability to say 'No'.

I can't say it's a picnic every day but I feel 50 times better than I did. Stronger, more focused mentally, the symptoms have lessened significantly and the depression and anxiety have all but disappeared. My negative, fearful outlook has turned to a much more positive focused one. Ok well I'm getting older (I too am 50 this year), but it doesn't mean I have to roll over and die! My attitude now is 'bring it on'. Let's get this thing done and dusted!

Sorry to ramble on so long,but your post hit a chord with me because of the PNI and the breathing thing. Anyway, good luck and take care

x

Jenilou,

Thanks so much for your response. I appreciate it.

Well, here I sit at the computer, feeling like I am going to just die of whatever is going on in my body. Especially in my chest and lungs. I can take some of the symptoms, but some of them are really getting to me. I feel like I am turning to stone from my neck down to my legs. I know that does not make any sense. I wish I could write down exactly what I am feeling.

I can't keep my eyes open hardly, but I sit here and fight sleep dreading to go to bed because I either suddenly wake up because I feel as though I am loosing my breath, or as soon as I go to bed I am wide awake and have trouble going to sleep.

You are right about so many things. It feels like fear is swallowing me up. If I could only get some tests to rule out some diseases I know I would feel some better. That would put my mind at ease somewhat but that is impossible right now.

I wish I could have a better attitude like you, but I don't right now. I am going to try to get informed and change somethings. I have already started taking walks again. At least that is a start.

I hope tomorrow is better than today has been. Because today has been the pits.

Take care,
Kassie

Awww Kassie.

I honestly do know how you feel, as do so many of the women who post here. It's terrifying.

I know it seems all but impossible to think that hormones alone could cause all this, and it is perfectly natural to want to get checked out.

I remember when I was ill after my daughter was born, I kept feeling like I was going to fall over. It was so weird ... everything was crooked somehow, and I felt like I was tipping all the time. I used to stand in a weird way with my legs apart, and try and hold my head straight. When I changed the chidren's nappies I couldn't even lean forward to do it, but would stand straight upright and try and do it without looking down.

Then on top of this I developed the most horrendous pain in my lower back. It was excruciating. I had never known a pain like it, even when I was pregnant. I was convinced they had damaged my spine when they gave me the epidural (I had caesarians). I kept going back to the doc's, had x rays, chiropractor, heavy duty pain killers which did absolutely nothing. The pain was relentless, and I was utterly convinced that there was something serious going on.

Then I saw a female locum and she took one look at me and said 'I believe the back pain is caused by your anxiety'. I was outraged. There was no way this dreadful pain was all in my head which was effectively what she was saying. Her theory was that the anxiety and the feeling of tipping over were causing me to stand in a totally unnatural way and it was causing all the muscles in my back to spasm - hence the pain.

She focused on treating the PNI and as my anxiety and the other symptoms lessened, the back pain miraculousy disappeared and has never returned.

Hormones - oestrogen, progesterone, not to mention the stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline ... can play absolute havoc with our bodies. There is barely an organ or human bodily function that cannot be adversely affected by them when they are out of whack, from bowels, to gastric function, from thoughts and emotions to headaches.

Take care of yourself. It will get better I promise.

x

Yes I agree with Jennilou. It's an anxiety thing. I've suffered from it too and I have absolutely nothing in my life to be anxious for! I've had two horrible years of this, and there have been times when I couldn't leave the house. I haven't been on holiday for two years or is it three? I hope to be able to go this year but may have to take some help with me!

I haven't had a period since June (I have gone 11 months before without one) and am currently going through a sciatica phase Yes, it truly s*cks!

Alice,

So sorry to hear you're dealing with sciatica! As if the peri stuff isn't enough...

Hope this eases up soon.

JJ

Jenilou,

I also have the back pain. I had epidurals with both my children. I had a c-section with the first child. I never hardly ever relax. When I am not walking the floors I sit stiff and tense. I feel like I can't relax. Especially my shoulders. I am trying. A lot of times I even eat while standing up. I know I am sooooo weird.

Yes, I am terrified a lot of the time with the breathing and bloating symptoms. And it feels like I am loosing my hearing. I have all kinds of ringing and noises in my head and lately it feels like my ears are stopping up or something. Just another thing to worry about!

Thanks for your response, it helps a lot to be able to talk about it.

Alice3,

Thanks for your response, also. I have, in the past, had difficulty driving and going places by my self. But I forced myself to go because I felt like I could not stand to be at home by myself since my husband worked nights. And right now it seems like I have to get out and go somewhere instead of walking the floors here. So, I have never been to the place where I was stuck at home. I do not know if that is good or bad. Yes, I do....NONE of it is good.

I keep skipping periods. I will have one and then I will skip two or three months. I am going on my third month right now. But I always feel like I am on a period.

JJ,

Just saw your post. Thanks. What is sciatica? Alice3 also mentioned this.

Take care,
Kassie

Kassie
I know exactly how you feel with the breathing, I too feel that it is an effort to breathe. Everytime I get to grips with a symptom another one pops up.
I wish at the moment there was one day when I felt normal.
I am so grateful for Powersurge, it makes it seem normal when I read about everyone else.

Jan

Hi Kassie, sciatica is caused by pain from the sciatic nerve I think. What it feels like is two lengths of overtight elastic joined from your lower back, down the back of your legs and to the back of your ankles and your evil twin is tightening it more and more Well that didn't come from a medical dictionary but that's how it feels. You cannot get comfortable at all and because you change your posture it makes the pain worse

Geez- My body sure as heck didn't ache as much! Every morning there's a new pang somewhere. A few years back after many compaints of low blood sugar, thyroid, gaining weight- several doctors told me- "oh- you're too young to be going through this!" Well bully on them- I know my body! Now at 47 -Oh baby- I am in the bubbling pot! But yet at the same time I feel that POWER I had when I was teenager- without all the major insecurities- mmm... I certainly speak my mind these days! How ignorant I was- I thought you just stopped getting your period and life was FREE from then on in. Did women not talk about this before?
I now long for that regualr cycle- everything was so predictable- now - the roller coaster ride is not always fun. I find myself having lots of flashbacks to my childhood- anyone else experiencing this?
fina

Hi Fina,

And welcome to Power-Surge! Sounds like your attitude about all this is great!

It's not easy to be handling the physical stuff (you're right, no one warned us!), but you can wisely acknowledge the increased sense of who we are, and the tendency to be reflective, and think about our early years. So many of us have felt that, and discussed it here on Power-Surge.

We're in the "bubbling pot" with you!

JJ

Hello everyone,
First off, I'd like to say that I have been "lurking" here for a few weeks trying to get up the nerve to join in. I'd also like to say that you are all a bunch of great ladies and thanks for listening!

I'm 51 (like the name says (- and probably have been going through peri since I was about 36 or so. My symptoms were never real bad until around 45 or so when the mood swings and irregular periods started. In late 2003, I had a very heavy period that lasted for 14 days....some of which was during a business/pleasure trip to NYC, which was not a lot of fun but thank goodness the being away from home and over stimulated, helped. However,when I got back home, I became so weak that I had an episode where I felt like I was going to pass out that took me to the emergency clinic.They took my blood pressure, blood sugar and pregnancy test (which I knew wasn't the problem because my husband ahd a vasectomy years ago)My blood pressure was high (ya think?)but everthing else was okay. I made an appointment with my GYN (who is wonderful) and he ran all the appropiate tests and said yes, this is very defintely perimenopause and it's normal for your periods to flucuate, become heavy like when they first began but to let him know if I had another one that lasted that long.

Well, long story short, although the time frame between them flucuated for a while, sometimes less than a moth between them sometimes a bit over a month, I never had another "period from hell" like that again. I should also backtrack a bit and say that around early 2002, I began taking an herbal menopausal support supplement that I felt was really helping and my GYN said that if it was helping, I should keep taking it. So, my last visit to my GYN was early 2004 and things were going along pretty much the same, I was just feeling more and more what I call "mental" so I started taking the extra strength meno supplement early December this year.Then, just after, Christmas I began having what felt like anxiety attacks...rapid heartbeat, feeling flu like, depressed and fatigued. I was also waking up more and more frequently during the night. Then, I had an episode where I thought maybe I was going to pass out and had to go lay down for a while.I also haven't had a period since October. I quit taking the extra strength supps and went back to the previous ones mid December but now, I don't feel like they are helping at all. The anxiety attacks seem to be less but are not gone and I also have that foggy headedness and sometimes feel like I'm "walking sidways" (vertigo?) and noticed foggy vision too.Then over the last month or so, I have ringing in my ears that I can live with during the day but that can really make me nuts sometimes when I go to bed at night! I went to my GP to see if I had an ear infection and he said I didn't. I also told him about the dizziness and he said: "Oh, you have that too?" gave me samlpes of Zyrtec, some nasal spray and a scrip for antibiotics if my ears became painful. He also said if none of this worked, he'd refer me to an ENT. Well, I haven't been taking any of it...considered the antibiotics but my ears never became painful, so I didn't fill the scrip.Then last week, my husband and I went for an eye doctor appointment and he told me I have a cataract in my left eye which really surprised him because it usually happens later in life and it came on so quickly. He referred me to an opthomologist that I have an appointment with on Monday. I also have an appointment with my GYN next month...can't wait!

Whew! has this been long winded or what!? Sorry about that but I just was wondering if any of you wonderful ladies are like me? Going along not loving perimenopause for sure but getting through it okay until right before actual menopause(which I'm hoping this will be if I can go period free until this October) everything just went to heck and the really bad symptoms attacked?

Hello everyone. I joined Power Surge two years ago, but have been too shy to post much. I've been reading the tremendous library and posts here though, trying to learn about these changes I'm going through and looking for ways to ease the difficulties. It's amazing to me how many symptoms I share with you all. I read this whole thread and feel like I know you girls so well! I'm very touched by your caring and friendship!

I'm 51 and began perimenopause around the age of 45. Before that, I always enjoyed good health, regular periods with hardly a cramp, and was very active and fit, loving to exercise. I was just a bit of a worrier at times, but didn't have any problems with anxiety or depression. I loved to travel, go out with friends, loved my office job, did lots of snow skiing, was happy and filled with self-confidence. I feel one of my strong points was in communication with others, able to carry on intelligent, vocabulary-rich conversations, and I was a good listener. That was then...

This is now... Since peri started, my biggest problem has been anxiety, but with some Ativan now and then and some of my own self-help remedies and practices, I've been able to get by. But like many of you here, it hasn't been easy. It's weird how anxiety just comes out of the blue, hits you 'wham' in the face, for seemingly no reason at all. I've had depression along with it too and took Paxil for about a year, but didn't like what it did to me, so weaned off very gradually. I experienced dizziness for about 6 weeks after finally quitting the Paxil, which made me determined to never again use an antidepressant (I hope). For me, the key to avoiding depression is regular exercise and meditation. Other problems I've had have been irritability, mood swings, crying, that terrible brain fog, and worst -- wanting to be alone, never wanting to go anywhere, not able to reach out to anyone -- although I know this is just what I need. That's why I haven't become active in Power Surge. I know everyone here is so wonderful and helpful, and maybe could benefit from what I have to say too... but it's just so hard for me to come out of the shadows, even when I know it's what I need. I guess I'm reaching out now... finally.

Last October, I had 3 weeks of intense hot flashes, then it just stopped. This seems weird, but that's the best I ever felt, as if the flashes burned the worst of the anxiety and depression out of me. My periods are very irregular and I've skipped several. At this point in time, I'm feeling somewhat neutral, though I still don't want to go anywhere. The last 4 days, I've had pains in my sides, about where my ovaries are, and am wondering if I'm about to get a period, or if something is wrong. If it doesn't go away in a few days, I guess I'll have to call my doctor... but I don't want to, because then I'd have to go somewhere! Oh brother... Anyway, that's my story. My heart really goes out to those of you who are suffering so terribly -- my best to all of you... RedFox

Redfox,

Glad you are coming out of the shadows. I am 48 years old and started having peri symptoms 2 years ago, until last December I was able to hold my own with the symptoms but then had a total meltdown before Christmas but slowly getting better. I too feel like you, I use to be so social and outgoing , now it takes all of my effort to get up in the morning for work and I just exist from day to day.

It is hard to explain to people how you really feel, fortunately I have a few friends and sometimes understanding husband that supports me and have some idea what I am going through but still there are many physical and emotional stuff going on that I cannot even put into words. I have a 12 year old that needs me (even though she acts like she doesn't) so this keeps me going.

Much to my resistance I too started an antidepressant (10 mg of prozac) and will try it for 3 months but I am working with my doctor on bioidentical hormones.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know we are here for you.

Plumeria

Ladies its been a nightmare for me. I don't even know who I am sometimes. The Anxiety is the worst!!!!!. I have lost my pep for life and worry all the time. I never expected to feel this way. I thought I would get some hot flashes and that would be it. I never knew about the tremors, lightheadedness, ANXIETY!!!, and what I call that Crazy Head feeling.

Its been 10 months now and I thank God for PS. Knowing that I was not the only one feeling this way saved my mind.

Angel 1

I'm in a ticked off mood today and everything I read brings to mind
how utterly ignored our problems are. In our local Sunday paper magazine, there
is an article by Dr. Isadore Rosenfeld touting why we may live better and longer.
Everything from heart disease, alzheimers, arthritis, diabetes, and oh yes,
sexual activity for men of all ages! Hmm what did they leave out! Oh yeah,
the malady that affects us, the scourge that is stealing our enjoyment of our years
in midlife! The good doctor states - "the sexual health of senior males also has been improved by a better understanding of the role of the male hormone testoterone". Isn't that nice for them! Its a shame that peri and meno isn't contagious to men- then we would have our magic pill too-
Just had to get this off my chest!

AMEN Lidge!

JJ

Plumeria, thanks so much for your kind words. Knowing there are supportive people like you here means so much to me. I'm glad you're getting better from the pre-Christmas meltdown -- the stress of the holidays can sure take a toll on one.

I have a 16 year old son (like you, he was 12 when I was 48). I understand what you mean about having a child and the responsibility keeps you going. Same here. Though my son is very independent and mature, doesn't seem to "need" me -- I still have to be strong and reliable, and at least "act" stable. Security is such an important element in my life and I want my son to have plenty of it too.

My husband is pretty understanding about what's happening to me too, though I find I don't talk about it as much as I should. I guess I feel like I'm complaining, but I know I shouldn't. I do feel better after talking. Unfortunately, I don't have many friends where we live, but having the Internet is wonderful. It's so therapeutic to connect with so many women going through this change, who really understand.

I hope the Prozac works for you. Although I'm glad I'm through with the Paxil, I admit it did help me tremendously. After being on it for a year, I started wondering, gee, am I going to take this forever, or is it time to get off? Thankfully, I was able to quit and do just fine without it. I'll be interested in hearing how the biodentical hormones go for you too. That's something I don't know much about, but I read about it a lot on PS. Good luck, Plumeria, and I hope to see you around.


RedFox

Jo51 -- nice to meet you, and sorry to hear of all the problems. About your ears, I too sometimes have pain in my ears, along with some dizziness and ringing at times, but I attribute the problem to sinuses. Usually, just taking a Sudafed works for me. I take that Sudafed PE, which doesn't have ephedrine in it -- the regular Sudafed gets me too wired!

Hope you're better.

RedFox

Well before peri-meno I was hardly ever sick. Maybe few sinus headaches, cold twice a year but that is all.


NOW - every thing in the book hits me - I feel like a hypocondriac. Something NEW every day - hardly ever a day I feel like I used to a few months back.

This TOO shall pass!

Ahhhh... life before menopause. My hormones and I were cruising along just fine.
Then is was Whaaaaaaat happened here.
I am 50 and meno since 45, last period.
I miss my hormones. Never much thought about it or appreciated its effects until it was gone. 2 months of HRT made me appreciate its effects. But didn't want to stay on that. Dr. didn't want me to either.
I have 2 teen daughters with estrogen.

Hello again everybody,
Thanks for the kind words Redfox and thanks to everyone else posting here that keeps me from feeling like I'm ready for the "looney bin!"
An update on the cataract front...I went to my opthomoligist appointment and I indeed have a catatact in BOTH eyes!
Doc said that surgery in my left should definitely be considered and possibly the right one after the left heals. The surgery is outpaitent with only something by mouth to help you relax and drops to numb your eye. Takes about 30 minutes. I know it needs to be done and I'm getting more use to the idea...just hope I can stay strong. I will go to get measured for the lens that they implant next Friday. I do want to go to my appointment with my GYN in March and perhaps go back to my GP to make sure that all these crazy things I'm experiencing are Meno and not something else...so tired of feeling this bad and not "like me," before I go for the surgery.
I don't think I mentioned that I don't have any kids and a wonderful husband that I couldn't do without that is very understanding and supprtive.
Man, I'm so hoping that I can go period free until October and really be in Menopause...I'm ready! Bring it on!"
Take care everyone and thanks again, Jo

Hi Jo,

Good luck on the cataract surgery! I know you'll be just fine. It's a common procedure that has helped so many people. Those who have had it, have told me it's the best thing they could have done. Be sure to keep us posted!

RedFox

Thanks RF! I will keep you posted!

RedFox,
I just wanted to ask you how long the Sudafed usually takes to start working for you?
Thanks again, Jo

Hi Jo,

The Sudafed PE (which contains phenylephrine hydrochloride, not ephedrine like regular Sudafed), only takes about 30-40 minutes before I feel relief, which usually involves clearing my nasal passages, elimination of the pain in my ear (usually just one side is affected) and elimination of that "sinus headache".

Like the regular Sudafed, it dries up your nasal passages. I've never actually had a sinus infection and like to think that taking a nasal decongestant prevents an infection. I know regular Sudafed can increase blood pressure, but I don't know if the Sudafed PE is completely safe. On the back of the box, it does contain a warning, "Ask a doctor if you have high blood pressure" (It names a few other conditions too).

Hope this helps, Jo!

RedFox

Outside of the constant worry of bleeding thru everywhere I go, the thing that annoys me most is losing the ability to hide my emotions. I used to be pure stone, when I needed to be. As a nurse it was a good thing. Now I cry uncontrollably when I actually don't want to show any emotion. I hate that.

"What Were You Like Before Menopause Started"



Sane

I had so much more energy! I used to spring clean a room a week from around mid-February to mid April. I got a slow start last spring and only finished 3 rooms before I got pneumonia so that was it for the year. I haven't even started this spring because I am half afraid I will get everything emptied out of a room and not have the energy to finish putting everything back. I am working on the spare bedroom now so my oldest can move back in, but that may be as far as I get this year!

I also had lots more energy. Now I can't even climb one flight of steps without feeling like I am going to pass out. Also, I never worried about my health. Now I worry all the time that something is going to put me flat on my back. I had a carefree attitude, now I just have an attitude.



Patrice

Focused....knew exactly what I wanted, how I wanted it, and would go straight away at getting the prize I wished.

Was able to listen to a heart felt story...take it in and not break down in tears over the slightest thing.

Before, I didn't take the time to ponder ideas and thoughts...I just moved beyond... at a frenzied pace.

Ate anything and everything I wanted...candy, soda, processed foods...Big Macs, fries...hot dogs with chili and cheese...you get my drift.

Didn't exercise...now I walk miles, out in nature. Along my walks, I see people and animals and even take the time to stop and talk.

Didn't read the bible as much as I do now...or, spend as much time at home & with family as I did before.

Didn't spend anytime here at PS before...but, now I'm able to chat and interact with wonderful ladies who share and care... about our changing time of life.

I'm more centered and focused now...

Yep

Dearest:
I am so glad to find this site. You have no idea. The doctors don't always have the time or experience to advise you. I don't really want to bring this up a lot with my friends and be a whiner or complainer. I do talk to my friends a little, but I find myself trying to have a sense of humor about life and menopause.

I look at my life now and wonder how I ever got through everything. How did I ever have the energy to work fulltime(and overtime!), one time working two jobs, being married, maintaining a household, husband, and raising two children.

I used to have more energy. Now I want to sleep 9-10 hours a night. I used to be a sex goddess. Now I can take it or leave it. I used to do everything for the job or the family - now I feel really selfish about my free time. I used to have really bad PMS - sometimes the screaming mommy from hell 2-3 days before my period. When I felt very fatigued and out of resources - then my family would seem to be the most demanding and difficult - which sent me over the edge. Now I am calmer - my children are out of the house, I get more rest, more "me" time, and my "happy" pill takes the edge off as well.

The Best thing now is that I am excited by life. I started taking painting lessonsabout 6 years ago when I was 45. I have always wanted to paint. About the same time I was having major conflict with my then 15 year old daughter. My husband and I went for counseling. I had a lot of stress and depression and went on medication - which helped a lot. I also started having heavier periods, less sex drive. Periods became more irregular. My weight went up slowly over the last 10-15 years and it has been difficult to lose weight.

The woman I was 20 years ago was 35 lbs. lighter, 20/20 vision, better muscle tone and stamina. I had two very young daughters and a great husband. I still have the great husband and incredibly intelligent and beautiful twenty-something daughters. Change is inevitable. Sometimes I feel a little blue but in general I am quite happy with my life.

i hope i'm doing this correctly, i am 52 years old, i had a hysterectomy 9 years ago but left my ovaries (big mistake). i have 4 kids, (3 in college) twin boys 23, daughter 21 and a son 16. my mother in law has alzheimers, my mother suffered severe post partum depression when i was born and has continually battled mental illness her whole life, my brother has washed his hands of helping with my mother. i have always been the rock that got everything done and took care of everything for everyone. up until november 2005, i was unstoppable, then i had a friend that died and my mother decided to have an operation that i felt was unnecessary and would jeaporidize her stability. Then i woke up one day, had no energy, my blood pressure and pulse went up from 116/70 to 150/100 and my pulse jumped to 112. i began having night sweats so bad that the sheets were drenched. i went to my husbands cardiologist, he put me on topral, this brought my bp down but i started having pulsitive tinitus in my ears. i went to an ENT he did an MRI, MRA, CAT scan - everything was perfect. i had an asthma attack, the asthma dr told me to get off the topral, the cardiologist switched me to verapamil - i had a huge reaction to it so he switched me to atenalol. i went back for a check up my bp was 175/125. he said my bp was anxiety and stress related and until i could get those two things under control my bp was going to remain a problem. NO ONE EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HORMONES OR MENOPAUSE i went to my GYN he never mentioned menopause, i then went to my family dr and had blood work done to check my hormones, he said the test was inconclusive but he would give me a low dose of premarin, i told him i didn't want premarin, i wanted the patch - he would not prescribe it. i took the blood results and faxed them to my GYN he said i was menopausal and called me in a patch. (you know the one size fits all doctor) i continued to slide downhill with anxiety, crying all the time, depression - nothing seemed to help - i read book and after book trying to educate myself, i did a saliva test got those results and finally ended up at a psychologists office, she put me on xanax, zoloft, and ambien cr. the zoloft made me so sick and the dr refused to change the medicine so i just lived on xanax. my emotions were a wreck, i had a fear of everything and lived by what iffing myself to death . in the mean time a friend told me i needed to see her doctor that deals ONLY with menopause. i went there the end of February. they drew 8 vials of blood. they immediately increased my patch to .075 put me on 100 mg prometrium and when the results of my blood work was in they put me on compounded
15 mg dhea (i basically had no testosterone in my body and had adrenal fatigue). they have increased my prometrium to 200 mg per day and tried to increase the dhea but it was to much. they put me on lexapro a week ago (1/2 tablet 5 mg) it has helped. but i still cry almost every day and look so forward to the end of the day so i can go in my room, shut the door, and be left alone - i don't want to do anything. the ringing in my ears is still there and if it were not for the xanax i would probably go nuts. i just had no idea of what was happening and for the first time in my life there is no instant fix and i am an instant results person. i'm crying just writing this because i just want my life back, my energy back, the hardest thing has been having my kids see me go through this - and i worry that it is effecting their school life, they call me every day to check on me - last week end was moms day at the University of Oklahoma and it took everything i had to go there for 3 hours. when does it end????? i just feel like i'm on this roller coaster that never stops and i want off - i hate roller coasters!!

Hi Menodistressed,

Welcome,You came to the right place...You are not going crazy and your not dieing...I know ..I felt that way too before I came to PS.

keep reading all of the helpful info here at PS and keep posting.As you search the site you will soon see your not alone.

Just knowing you are not crazy and that its all hormonal will give you peace of mind and put things back in perspective.

Don't be so hard on yourself....This will even out

You take care,
Hugs,
Lynda

It's such a breath of fresh air to read all these stories and know that I'm not (or more accurately at this time of my life, was) the only one to be going through this. The hysteria is normal, what a concept! Although I'm experiencing a bit of an unexpected complication right now -- more on that in another thread -- I guess the biggest differences before the change were my energy and sex drives. Hubby and I raised our 3 boys, went to our jobs, paid our bills, did work on our house, took care of our parents and siblings, all the things you just do and pay no mind to while you do them. Then the last of our kids started college pretty far away and we were able to find time to really do things with the only intention of spending time together and enriching ourselves. Like back when we met in college (long long ago). It was very refreshing for a while. Since that time, as my body has changed, I find I need a lot more rest. I also have to be very attuned to my dietary and vitamin needs, more so than when I was pregnant in a way. And that bedroom activity? Maybe it's a good thing we're both needing more sleep these days ...

Pre meno - liked to read mags about houses, decorating etc- now I shut the door on the room . I now read Psychologies magazine instead!

Before, I worked, took care of the family, loved to cook, went back to school. I had time to fit it all in because I enjoyed it all. Although I was busy, I really felt like I was finally hitting my stride. Sure I got anxious and depressed at times but there were reasons.

Now, I sit here at home with my heart beating fast, feeling scared to death - of what? Nothing! So my mind searches for things to be scared of - I'm a logical person, right? My arms shake, my heart races, I'm hot, I'm cold and I feel sick to my stomach most of the day. I even have to be careful at what I watch on TV because so many things make me cry. I can't imagine this going on for years more!

I also don't talk about this much as I don't like to be a burden or make people worry about me. Here at least I can let it out and be among kindred suffers. Thanks

Boy...i had to really sit and think about this because there is so much different.I'm no longer the same person....it was like i was stolen in the middle of the night...never to be found.

Boy i miss that person...I really don't know this one...we're still getting acquainted.I'm not sure i like her yet, there is still lots of kinks to work out....lots...LOL.

I think i miss everything i used to be....Ill let you all know as i find out if i like this new person...in this new outlook on life.....can i get back to you on this

All i can say is thank you all for being here during this strange metamorphosis

hugs,
Lynda

I was such an easy going, carefree person who hardly ever got angry. Now all I do is stress over my health and worry about everything under the sun and flip is my new middle name. I'm just hoping when things calm down that I can still find a trace of who I used to be because I liked that person a LOT better.

I just celebrated my 46th birthday yesterday, and it did get me to think of how I was before all this
started. I had ambition, energy, I was able to focus on dozens of things at a time. No shortness of
breath , no heart palpatations, no dizziness. I was 30 lbs. lighter and didn't have a buddah belly. I would
look in the mirror and not get depressed at what I saw. Oh, and speaking of depression and anxiety,
didn't have those either.

All I can say is thank God for all you ladies and bless Dearest for creating this site, because it has
kept me from just throwing in the towel and giving up. I do have hope that it will get better for all of
us!



Lots of love,

superflower

I had to chuckle when I read the part about 'flip' being your middle name. I told my friend at work today that I'm going to change my name to Cybill. Because that's exactly who I feel like! NEVER know what will come out of my mouth or how I'm going to act! It's almost humiliating sometimes. I hardly know the person I've become, and feeling good is DEFINITELY a thing of the past. Whoever nicknamed menopause the "Curse" sure knew what they were talking about. It s*cks.
Hugs!