Hi Michal,

I couldn't agree with you more. This is a time to reflect and recognize, maybe for the first time, that we won't live forever. I stayed up most of the night last night getting anxious about this. Typical, during the day I'm ok but it gets quiet at night.

My hubby, who is 10 years older than me, tells me it is natural to want to be a hermit and in fact he is trying to get me to do more of it. I can see his point. We're facing a big change physically and emotionally. It can't be avoided. Maybe part of what we need to do is take time to think about what we want, what we like.

Being kind to yourself, that is key. I first got anxious about stupid thoughts and then got mad at myself for not handling them better. Yesterday I was reading an article about a woman who always looked to her future and then suddenly realized she was getting to old to do this. The article was a kind of "self help" around how to make plans for the future but do what you want now. What I got out of it was that this is a time to begin to think about doing what we want now. We've been given the gift of life. There's an awful lot out there to enjoy!

For me, I'm signing up for the voice lessons I never took. I loved to sing but never would in public. It could be fun (and my daughter already does this). If I have time I'll take back up classical guitar. Last time I tried my kids were too young. Finally, I really want to learn more languages. I was always good with them but here in the US we don't get any practice.

I read a study last night which concluded that younger people worry more about their mortality than older people. Go figure. Must only get better then right?

Dear Jacquie and Rendy,

Yes, I think we do need to know what it is that really makes us happy....spending time with family, friends, or time alone with ourselves. The latter is my biggest challenge as I have two still small children (7 and 10). My husband is 58 and he has always had a conversation with himself about death. Twenty years ago when we got married I thought it was weird, but now I see he is very at peace with the whole idea of it because it has been a companion, of sorts, all along. For me, it is thunder and lightening!

Today my hubby decided we should get out of the house and go to the mountains for a picnic. It was wonderful, beautiful, and really got me out of myself and all my problems. I ran into an old friend in the mountains and we talked for half an hour. I think she and I might start attending a bible study together. It was healing for the whole family. My kids saw me relaxed for a change:)

Someday I would like to learn some new languages too. I've studied German and Hebrew, but would like fluency. Something to do with my children in a few years maybe. I really love working in my garden. I feel close to God there. We downsized a year ago (even with the kids) for retirement and I'm starting over in the yard. It requires a lot of patience because I'm on a tight budget, but that is good for me too. The truth is, I don't have the energy and stamina for it now like I did 10 years ago. Oy, in my mind I'm still so young! However, this too is good for me....enjoying the process in small bites.

Blessings,
Michal

Hi Michal,

What a coincidence - I studied German and Hebrew too. Doesn't seem like a typical selection for most!

I also have 2 fairly young kids - 8 and 13 - so I understand what you mean.

Rendy,

How about Yiddish? With the German and Hebrew I can understand a good bit of it:)

Michal

Wow, I never thought of that but it does make sense. I'd need to see if anyone in my family speaks Yiddish. I think that generation is gone.

Once we are 55, we will be able to join Elderhostel.

They have their program offering pamphlets at the local library, and there are some AMAZING offerings.

Can't wait to take some of the courses and do some travel-stuff!

A GOOD thing about growing older.

Jacquie, my parents used to do lots of Elderhostels. They loved it! Thanks for reminding me of a positive benefit of growing older

Shel

I don't think I have changed my personality since becoming peri.
Thankfully and for my hubby too, I don't get the mood swings.
I am still myself just some new things to deal with. My sense of humor is still intact and overall, I am still me, just wiser, calmer, better!!

I've worked full time for 36 years, since I was 18, and I'll be 54 in September. I've heard that people wish for retirement and free time until they have it, and then maybe for six months they're happy and get all those projects done that they've wanted to do (cleaning the basement, fresh shelf paper in their kitchen cabinets, etc.). AND THEN....there's nothing more to do, and they start to feel unhappy. I've heard that a person has to have a definite "plan" after they retire, because they CAN get depressed and bored, especially when they've always been used to a very tight schedule.

I don't really like a tight schedule anymore. Let's say it's getting old. I have to get up at 5:00 am, shower, eat, feed my cats and my dog, drive to work (an hour), work all day, drive home (another hour), eat dinner, try to get a couple of chores done, like a load of clothes or vacuum a room (if I'm not too exhausted), then maybe watch TV hopefully for an hour (and after I sit down for ten minutes, I fall asleep), then it's time for bed, and it all starts again. Five days per week, then a fast weekend that is gone in seconds, it seems. I have so many errands to run and any housework that I'd like to do must all be done on these two days.

My husband is six years older than me, and retired. It's hard for me to get up in the morning and leave while he plays with our dog and relaxes. He does help me, mostly doing errands that I don't have time to do, but he's not much for housework. I ask him to vacuum one room and often come home after work and it's not done yet. Or he takes the vacuum hose end and slides it around for five minutes. I feel like unless I do the housework myself, it isn't done right. I've thought of paying someone to do it, but I can't give in to that (yet). Tried a couple of different housecleaning services years ago and it was more grief than it's worth.

My husband says I should work until I get all the retirement benefits that I've earned all these years, but on some days (like today) I'm ready to retire the very split-second that I can, benefits or not.

CSugar...

I have had a housekeeper for over 27 years and don't know how I would cope without one! We had live-ins when the kids were little (it sounds extravagant, but it really wasn't!)....and for the past seven years I have had Lorena come to my house every Friday. It is a wonderful way to start the weekend! I have not done a load of laundry, nor changed the sheets, nor cleaned a toilet or tub for 27 years!

I've always believed if I work out of the house, I shouldn't have to work in the house!

Go for it, girl! It is sooooooo worth it!

I'm enjoying reading these recent posts!

I have a question. Someone above mentioned that hair dyes can cause cancer, including those that contain henna. I have never heard that henna can cause cancer, although I have heard that the ingredients in many drugstore and salon hair colors can cause cancer. That's why I stopped getting my hair colored in a salon and started using Light Mountain "Color the Gray" henna.

Can someone clarify the cancer info for me? Thanks!

Before peri started, I was quite energetic, sociable, and enjoyed sports. I was even a bit driven in regards to my career. Well, I quit my job a few years ago and pretty much enjoy being a hermit. Even though I know it would be good for me to get out and be more active, my favorite activity is sitting at home with hubby, watching TV or reading. Am I weird? Sounds like some of you feel the same way!

Ruby, well said! Since I spend all my free time cleaning my house, I love to imagine how it would be to come home and see that it's already clean, instead of coming home, tired out, and seeing a million things that need to be done.

I think the trick is finding a good housekeeper. We get flyers all the time about housecleaning services, but which one should we choose? Try several? I tried two in my lifetime. One was company-owned and I was not satisfied. They didn't clean the bathtub and they just folded the top sheet on the toilet paper roll into a point and put a gold sticker on it, like you see in hotels, as if this meant the bathroom was clean. I also tried a small cleaning service owned by one person, and they used my equipment. So the day they were to come, I had to assemble cleaning solvents, my vacuum cleaner and attachments, paper towels, and anything else they would need. On one occasion, I did all this and was nearly out the door to go to work when the owner called and casually said she couldn't send a girl today because she was short-handed. Another time, she sent two women who she said were "twins," and they yanked my vacuum cleaner cord out of the wall so hard that the plug prongs were splayed outward. I didn't want them treating my equipment like this, so I cancelled this one, too.

I guess it's like men---you have to try several to find the right one.

rsgreen, I don't have any info for you on cancer from hair coloring--sorry. However, it DOES sound good to watch TV. When I was home with my husband after his total knee replacement surgery, obviously he couldn't do much except his therapy exercises, so we watched TV during the day. It was good! I could do that...

>>>I have a question. Someone above mentioned that hair dyes can cause cancer, including those that contain henna. I have never heard that henna can cause cancer, although I have heard that the ingredients in many drugstore and salon hair colors can cause cancer. That's why I stopped getting my hair colored in a salon and started using Light Mountain "Color the Gray" henna.

>>>Can someone clarify the cancer info for me? Thanks!

There have been a few scares over the years in which medical studies get into the media claiming that hair dye may, just may cause cancer, but no...it's not true. Recently read a great book by the consumer reporter/cosmetics guru Paula Begoin who's written all sorts of great books like "Blue Eye Shadow Can Kill You" and that sort of thing. Even she says, no, it's a myth, don't worry about it. Hair dye is safe. No cancer link. Think she talks about it in her book "Don't Go Hair-Care Product Shopping Without Me." Great book.

>>>Before peri started, I was quite energetic, sociable, and enjoyed sports. I was even a bit driven in regards to my career. Well, I quit my job a few years ago and pretty much enjoy being a hermit. Even though I know it would be good for me to get out and be more active, my favorite activity is sitting at home with hubby, watching TV or reading. Am I weird? Sounds like some of you feel the same way!

Yeah, ditto. Isn't it amazing? But hey, life is good this way, just sittin' on the couch with the hubby. Now I can see why he's done it for years!

I also thought henna was safe and only dark dyes cause trouble...still I once read that potatoes can cause cancer! That's all of us then!

I think they sometimes feel the need to scare us!

I looked it up in my Paula Begoin books. It's in her "Beauty Bible," pages 499-501. She says that the hair dye issue began when a 1994 study by the American Cancer Society surveyed about a half-million women on their use of hair dye and found that those who used dark hair dye regularly for over 20 years showed a slightly increased risk of getting non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and bone marrow myeloma.

However the same study showed that overall women who used hair dye regularly had a REDUCED risk of dying of all types of cancer. Go figure.

So she runs through all the subsequent studies and there have been a lot of them since. All, except for the one mentioned below, found no correlation between hair dye and various cancers including one large study conducted by Brigham and Women's Hospital. There was also a study by the University of California in the late 90s that disproved that there was any link between hair dye and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Finally, there was one study by the USC in which 1500 women were surveyed, half of whom had bladder cancer. Those who had bladder cancer were more likely to have used permanent hair dyes (i.e., the long-lasting ones you get in beauty shops) once a month for 15 years than those who didn't have cancer. The study also showed a five-fold increase of bladder cancer among beauticians. But this might not even be statistically significant since the number of women sampled was small and the study didn't look at whether the women smoked, had a bad diet, etc. And who knows but the beauticians' bladder cancer could have been caused by something else, like all that ammonia in the air in salons.

So overall Begoin says the evidence is inconclusive, make your own judgement. She suggests that if you want to be super-cautious avoid dark permanent and semi-permanent hair dyes (those are the kind of dye jobs you get at a salon) and/or only get your hair dyed 7 or 8 times a year rather than every month.

I had stopped dyeing my hair when I read about the suspected cancer link and was relieved to hear that it might not be so.

I think that overall one's risk of getting cancer from driving the freeway everyday, going out without sunscreen, or living in a major U.S. city for that matter is probably far greater than the possibility of getting cancer from hair dye.

By the way, Paula Begoin's "Beauty Bible" has a great section on dealing with menopause skin. The book has saved me lots of money by dissuading me from buying all sorts of crap that wouldn't have helped my wrinkled skin after all.

I used to have control over my weight. My body used to change when I decided to upgrade my exercise regimen. I used to juggle a hundred things at once. I had an active social life. I didn't watch TV. I loved sex. I laughed a lot.
Now I watch old Sex and the City and remember....

Ain't that the truth!!

If I gained a pound or two, one or two days on a diet and I was back to bikini perfect -- now??? At the rate I'm going, I'll be 80 and back into the bikini - whatta sight, eh?!

I was the queen of multi-taskers - now??? Walking and chewing gum at the same time is difficult!

Sex??? Sex?? What is that??


Kidding aside - I am doing 10000000 times better since I started the bioidentical hormones! (People are probably getting tired of hearing me say it - but I am totally AMAZED!) I've even lost 9.5 pounds in 15 days - Finally!

Wow Ruby !! 9.5 lbs !! WoooHooo !! You go girl!

I just had to read that again, that was back in the spring & with what im experiencing now, thyroid problem, i wonder if i even really was in perimenopause, since being on antithyroid med the symptoms have just about GONE. Its rather embarrassing, but then on the other hand why should I feel embarrassed or even guilty, after all it was my former (YES FORMER : !!!) gyn dr who told me I was going through it and her words still stay in my mind "learn to accept it" . She never wanted to go any further with me other than hrt to make me happy, well it didnt! Yes i believe im starting perimenopause, maybe, maybe not....Im just waiting day to day to see what happens next. I do admit, though, i feel better than i did months ago, which is a good sign.

Thanks, boyzmom..... it feels good...but I have such a long weigh (oops...way) to go......

To think I weighed 128 and wore a size 4 only 24 months ago.......and now am at 174 and in size 14's (tight at that)....makes me want to PUKE.....

Today I saw a dress in my closet I wore just 2 summers ago... a little tiny thing. It made me sooooo very sad. I started to cry thinking of how bad it got over the last two years. Before all this, I was so cute and comfortable in my own skin.... now I don't even know this b-l-o-b of a woman....with rolls of fat... ughhhhhh.

I know, I know....it IS improving... but it is such a long haul to recover from the devastating affects of this meno crap.

And, today the doctor called me and told me I have yet another kidney infection.......it is my 5th one in two years. I now have to go to a specialist to see what is wrong.......

You think you finally are getting better and life throws another curve ball. <_<

Ruby Rose,

I am so so glad to hear how much better you are feeling. I am still struggling but not as bad as where we both started out. I noticed you had mentioned insomnia problems. That is where i am at now. When I can sleep I feel pretty good. But most nights I wake up after every hour or 2. By morning I'm an anxiety filled basket case. My doctor is pretty much done and he charged me a fortune! Need to change doctors now :-). Any improvement on the insomnia? Any advice?

Thanks, take care,

Wendy

Wendy, here is my post from the tiredness thread:

I've had something happen this past week that baffles me - but I ain't complaining!!

After almost two years of not sleeping well and taking all sorts of remedies to no avail, I have slept more than ever!

My usual deal is to fall asleep OK but to wake up every hour or so, and only get a cummulative amount of 3-4 hours sleep - very fitful sleep.

The doctors gave me Ambien, Trazadone, Sonata among others over this time....I have also used Unisom & other OTC, plus all the herbs & herbal teas..... the most I ever got was 2 1/2 hours straight.

BUT! This past week I have slept every night for over 7 hours straight! I have taken a Unisom at 8pm, gone to bed at 9pm, slept straight through to 4:30 or 5:00am.

WOWOWOWOWOW. Not sure why the Unisom worked this past week?? My doc kept telling me that once I was taking the bioidentical hormones, sleep would get better. I have been on them 12 weeks now. Guess it took that long.

Ah Ruby Rose, you give me hope! I'm right at 12 weeks in now. Maybe this will even out - sigh. Almost there.

I'll be watching you bioidentical girls. That's my next step. I like that weight loss report!!

Great Site !!!! I have been reading these boards for at least a year now and, know for a fact, that I have some semblance of sanity just knowing that I wasn’t losing my mind for the past 12 years and there were other woman hanging by threads too. I am a 57 year old “hot flash” called Ember!! I have two sons, five grandkids, and a terrific hubby. I am six years post-meno and still going—“s*cks big time.” Some symptoms are not quite as intense as they used to be. I always had heavy periods—had to use a tampon and pad—usually lasted six days. I looked forward to menopause for some relief. Well good grief—it’s not what I expected. I had big time anxiety (on Ativan for years—going to have fun weaning off--which I’ve already started.) I am hoping all will go okay as I work through it. Depression another monster to battle—doctor tried me on several anti-depressants, they all made me so sick I had to stop taking them (thank God for hubby’s support.) I think because I can’t take anti-depressants is why my doctor may have kept me on the Ativan so long--also to help me get some sleep. I wake, on the average, five times a night with hot flashes and night sweats—usually have to change my sleeping gear (boxers and tank top)--at times I just soak them. Anybody sitting next to me can tell when I’m flashing because they can feel the heat coming off me. Several daytime flashes--horrible and embarrassing. It’s not easy hiding a hot flash in the office when your face and neck is red and dripping with sweat. Usually get palpitations and a feeling of panic just before the hot flash hits. Sometimes an overwhelming weakness with them. They also bring on a sudden urge to pee. Now what’s that all about??? I sleep with a fan by the bed so I can turn it on me when I have a flash. When the air hits my skin it feels painful. I get the skin prickling and tingling. Aches and pains all over (might have fibromyalgia) doctor can’t figure out what’s wrong—he says it’s just me—I’m beginning to think he’s a quack. I believe I have inundated him with problems and he’s totally confused. I’ve gained weight, don’t exercise like I should, but that’s changing. It seems I’ve lost myself somewhere along the way. I was always fun loving and have a creative side to me. The zest has been lost. I feel robbed of my essence. I never worried before about aches or pains, just got through them. I know some of my problems are just the aging process but I feel like a hypochondriac and find myself obsessing over several things (family, life, death, etc.). Just don’t know what to think. I’ve never tried HRT—didn’t want to go there. I’ve tried over the counter meds and progesterone cream—didn’t do a thing for me. I have an abnormal thickening of endometrial tissue in my uterus—usually indicative of cancer. I didn’t have any post meno bleeding—a body scan showed my uterus was shaped odd. I was so scared. Doc did a biopsy and it came back okay—atrophic endometrium—normal for my age. I have had more than my share of stress (family things) over the years and had a hard time handling it. I know that stress will bring on symptoms and then stressing over them will make them worse--what a vicious cycle. There are good days, bad days, and downright ugly, lower than life days. In retrospect I don’t know how I made it through all those years—I know hubby has been understanding and supportive. But you know somehow we make it through. Having God in your corner is a definite must. What I am experiencing now in meno symptoms have definitely diminished and some symptoms gone. I’m waiting for the day when I only have one hot flash and then feel myself again—then it’s party time. What was I like--? I was fun !!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Hang in there…Ember

Ember,

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and a peek at what life is like on the "other side."

I just started this fun 4 months ago and had no idea that peri could bring on such terrible feelings of anxiety. My doctor picked NHRT for me instead of Ativan long term. I'm not sure which is better. I'm now managing my symptoms with a combination of minerals, herbs, NHRT and therapy. Wow! And I thought, like you, all I'd miss were periods and maybe some hotflashes. I haven't even got to the real fun stuff yet.

I am learning that those of us who tend to worry get the anxiety thing. It's like someone turned a knob up on our usual emotions.

Good to hear your seeing that light at the end of the tunnel. This sure is a long, long tunnel.

Take care.

What was I like before? Well, Im still pretty much the same except for hotflashes and alot of the physical stuff I have now which I didnt before plus the 15 lbs I didnt want... my personality is still pretty much the same, or so I have been told by many. I still feel Im the same, maybe 'cept I do hate living here in Minnesota now.

Alot of that I think has to do with so many of my family has died in the past 20 months well 21 to be exact..I want to be back where.. what is left of my kin..especially my sister..and I hate all the hubbub and fast pace of city living. Time has just flown by in 22 years and I have only the 3 youngest at home now.

oh wait I take that back...I have changed to where I am now taking more time for me...and I have actually learned that everything nor everyone needs my every waken moment. Ive learned to let the housework go more, and spend more time with my kids and have started seeing someone...also been trying to reach out or give a hand to others more.

Hi:

I hate to say it but it is like two different people. The person before meno was strong, confident, capable. This person is weak, fearful and unable to cope. I visited the Dr. a lot when my symptoms began but less after the diagnosis- no help- no cure- so what is the use. Tried HRT but stopped when my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer which the oncologists directly related to the hrt she received. The heart/stroke thing hits home. I had an incident of high blood pressure and now when I feel strange ( that's what I call that I can't breathe, think, sweating and tingly feeling) I think I may be having a heart attack but can't approach a Dr. for free they will label me a hypochondiac and then I'm stuck. So I do check my pressure and hope for the best. God, this is the most debilitating, embarassing stage of life. I don't think Alzheimers could be any worse. At least then, your Doctors belive there is something wrong and everyone trys to be understanding and supportive. With meno, you are supposed to be able to go to work and perform competently and well. Meno is no excuse for anything. It should be.

Hi,welcome

Your name says it all.I too feel like i woke up one morning someone else.

I agree we need to be our own advocates when it comes to our health.Drs need to listen more and become more worldly when it comes to peri/meno.


This site is a world of info and support.It is going to help you

Hugs,

I feel the exact same way. So much has changed in the last 6 months. My husband, family, and friends say that I am a totally different person. My habits have changed. What I once liked I don't like now, what I use to hate I now love, what I could not do before I can do now. Its all so weird.

I also agree that we need to be our own health advocates. I am a nurse and when this whole perimenopause started I thought of a zillion other things it could be. Actually, I was happy it was menopause because I was thinking more along the lines of some deadly disease! I can remember the exact day that everything changed. I was at a conference in Wisconsin. It was a Sunday and it was like someone flipped a switch inside me and I have never been the same since.

Some of the changes have made me a better person. Some of the changes have and still do scare me. The strange thing to me is how often my symptoms change. I can be fine one minute than feel bad for a few hours then feel ok for a few hours then feel bad on and on and on............

Anxiety and panic attacks were my most prominent symptom. Lightheadedness/off balance feeling is now my most prominent symptom mixed in with some anxiety, sweaty palms, dry mouth, decrease libido and most recently EATING BINGES. When this all started I lost 20 lbs in the first four months (probably due to anxiety) but since July 12 I have gained back about 10 lbs which I needed to gain back but now I am a BOTTOMLESS PIT. I eat all day. I think it is my body's way of making up for the last 4 months.

Take care,
Jill~

you know what ..I lied...well actually some things has come up that has reminded me of how I used to be, and that was one scared , weak will woman..because of my marriage and childhood.

I am now stronger, and hopefully wiser, and I do allow myself to be myself more..which I have only been discovering in the past 6 years..

DaMomma,

We all benefit from you finding yourself! I love reading your posts and your sense of humor. It sounds like you have traveled a very long way.

Hello

Before Menopause I could get a good night sleep and full of energy in the morning But now that Im going thur this now I wake up several time a night eating and flipping my pillow over, pulling the cover on me or off of me. Like Nelly sings " It's getting hot in here,

I'm 48 years old lady and 2 months ago I had surgery and the Dr removed only one ovary and 7 days afterward I started with this night sweat. I would wake up several time at night.

I'm trying to deal with this and hopefully it will get better.



Hot and Sweating in Il.

Before Peri started I was feellng pretty good about myself. (I lived in Spain at the time). I actually managed to get a job after my kids had grown. I thought I couldn't do it because of not knowing about computers, but my lady boss was such a darling, she was patient and kind and gave me the self-confidence I needed so I appreciated it and gave all I had to the job. Even though my marriage was falling apart, I felt I could manage moving out and getting an apartment on my own for the first time ever. What an ego boost, to not NEED someone to "look after me". I was euphoric, feeling the best I ever have. Now, since all the emotional upheavals of peri and the physical aches and pains, I feel suddenly OLD. Even being married again to a great guy and living over here in the states hasn't made it all better, in fact sometimes I feel it has made it worse because I'm havng a hard time adapting to a different country and lifestyle. Here it iseems it is all work work work. What about living a little? Anyway I hope it gets to be all just a little better in the future. I miss my old me so much!!! Rita

Before menopause I had a lot more confidence than I do now. I felt like I could conquer the world. I've turned into a hypochondriac. Now every ache and pain I wonder how long I have. I miss the old me. I had a sense of humor, not sarcastic like I am now. I had the patience of Jobe with my kids, but not anymore. My youngest is 12 and I'm counting the years till he graduates high school I wanted to do well in my job, now I just want to put in my 8 hours. Every once in awhile, I get a glimpse of the old me. The only thing that seems to help is reading the message boards. It's so nice to know it's not just me.

Before menopause I thought I had reached a great milestone. I looked younger apparently than my years I was still very fit loved dancing was full of cheek and felt like I had arrived if you know what I mean. Well all of a sudden this happened and I really thought I would reach the mid years and would breeze through all ' THIS MIND OVER MATTER BUSINESS PERI MENOPAUSE.' I honestly was brought back to earth with a big big big thump. No way is it mind over matter . Who would want to feel this way anyway. Now I try to take each day one at a time.

Flying Fairy

I just found this website a week ago and now I look forward to loggin in every day; it really helps to know I'm not alone. I'm 43...before peri, I didn't know how lucky I was. I had tons of energy, popped out of bed in the morning, and if I put on a few pounds, all I had to do was eat lightly for a few days, and poof! the weight would come off. Boy, those were the days. Now, getting out of bed in the morning is such an ordeal. Most of the time, I feel a sense of dread facing the day. It's like my emotions aren't functioning normally. Today while doing 30 minutes on my stationary bicycle and watching t.v.,I actually started crying over a life insurance commercial. A life insurance commercial!! I was bawling and cycling for over 15 minutes. And I dont't even know why. Also,I packed on 15 pounds in the last year and it doesn't want to come off my body. I didn't change my eating habits at all, and even started exercising every day, but the weight just sticks to me like glue. If I starve myself for a week, I'll lose maybe 2 pounds, but the minute I begin to eat it comes back in a day. yes, I've had my thyroid checked, my glucose, and it's all normal. Except my cholesteral, that is. Prior to pm, it was about 176. Now it's 254, and my doctor wants to put me on Lipitor. I'm trying with all my might to lower my cholesterol on my own, but with all the others symptoms I'm having, I feel like life is just one big uphill climb. Sometimes I get so depressed. Believe it or not, the beginnings and endings of each day are the worst. In the middle of the day, when I'm busy with work, I'm usually okay. But at night, I begin to dread trying to get to sleep (add insomnia to the list of symptoms), and in the morning...well, I covered that above.

I never knew it was going to be like this. I thought that sometime in my late 50's, I'd have a couple of weeks of hot flashes, and then my period would just stop and I'd be over "the change." Now I find it may be another 5 years or more like this. Yikes!!! I guess the good part is that it motivates me to make healthy changes in my life. The bad part is I may kill the dog for the no reason. (just kidding, of course.) So letsee, I used to be a thin, happy, somewhat nervous, but energetic person with no facial hair. I've now turned into a moody, flabby, neurotic bundle of emotional scar tissue who has to pluck hairs out of her chin every day. What a world, what a world....

Thanks, everyone, for giving me a place to vent...

-Robin

Hi

Being new here I feel a bit shy about replying to the topics. However reading some of your replies I just have to add my comments.

Before I was a very shy, easy going, do anything to keep everyone happy, type of person. I was unable to say no to anyone and I guess I got put upon quite a bit over the years.

All of a sudden I find myself getting aggitated over the silliest things. Incompetence is my main bug-bear. I have to do my job so why can't others do theirs well too. I have started to say no to people and get the hump when I am not treated fairly. Woman's lib - well I seem to have found it! Don't treat me like a second class citizen I deserve more

My mood swings have been unbelievable - up one minute, down the next and yet I still did not believe anything was happening. So I am 51 - so what!

I lost 20 lbs in weight and thought it was great - threw out all my big clothes - and am now struggling to keep the weight off - and battling with an unending hunger and craving things that I never really worried about.

My periods fluctuate between so light they finish within a couple of days to so heavy I continually flood and get so tired I could drop.

I can sleep one night and not the next. I can wake at the drop of a pin and not get back to sleep and then the next night I can sleep through and not hear the alarm (something I have never done).

Flashes/flushes are not on me at the moment but I did have two occasions where I awoke and thought I had wet the bed! I also have to stop myself from saying "is it me or is it hot in here?".

The fuzzy heads are the most frightening. I drove to see my mother who lives quite a way from me and found myself going round a roundabout twice because I lost concentration - extremely hazardous especially with my granddaughter in the car.

Loss of concentration - in a financial job - is also not a good thing and I have to try twice as hard to make sure of no mistakes.

My libido leaves a lot to be desired and I have to work really hard at it. To be quite honest the thought of a goods night sleep gives me more pleasure at times!

Working amongst younger men and women means I have to hide my symptons and not admit to my age.

Coping alone without the help of a doctor or anyone who has gone through this is frightening but finding this forum has given me the knowledge that I am not going crazy and that together we women can get through this.

Well I think that's about all I can remember at the moment - but then my memory is not so good these days either!!!

Marion

Welcome Robin and Marion! Both you're posts cracked me up. Good thing too 'cause humor is about out best survival tool. Crying at a life insurance commercial - I can relate! My emotions are not what I'd call normal right now either. I could cry just driving down the road. I was devistated by the death of our hamster (well, it did live for 3 years - twice the normal hamster lifespan). This is a great place to share your insanity

Hello Robin and Marion. Don't be shy, we're all in the same rocky boat!

Marion, I was like you before all this, quiet, diplomatic, bit shy. I now have a reputation for being bossy - me, bossy! I joke with the boys at work, fuss over the young girls and generally make sure that everyone knows I'm around! The thought of being ignored is a no-no. At least I've made a lot of friends - despite being bossy!

Hi Peribelle:

Thanks for the reply. You know, in the days before this madness started, I only got the weepies for a day or two before my period. Now it seems like it starts the minute I'm done ovulating, and doesn't stop for a good two weeks. I actually have started avoiding certain songs, tv shows, movies, etc, 'cause I know they'll just upset me. Last night my daughter and her boyfriend rented Shakespeare and Love and I had to ask them to please watch in the other room. Ditto for any sort of Lifetime movies...my goodness, what is that channel trying to do to us? If I see Meredith Baxter searching for one more kidnapped child, I think I'll scream.

The only safe stuff is the food channel and the comedy channel.

What scares me the most is I'm only 43. Is this going to get worse? I mean, I read about women here who had to stop working. That really freaks me out. I started menstruating when I was only 10, so I"m hoping menopause will be over by the time I'm 50. I can't imagine another 10 years of feeling so pin-prick sensitive.

Wouldn't it be a riot if men felt like this...even if just for a day? Can you imagine what the world would be like? It's so interesting; I went on the Men's Health Magazine message boards just to get a glimpse at what they DO talk to each other about. Give you one clue. It begins with a 'P', ends with an 'S', and they're all scared to death it's not big enough, not the right color, funny shaped, you name it. No talk of emotions or feelings...I guess men just don't get these thunderbolts of overwhelming stuff racing through their brains. Oh well...

People leaving and not seeing each other again sets me off..like Tom Hanks in Castaway, both the bloody ball and his ex! It makes me feel like I'm suffocating!

As a real regular visitor here...Each time I come in I see this question..."What were you like before menopause started?"
I know I probably posted here before....but today I just felt like giving some quick answers.

I Was:

Bold

Stronger then cat piss

Outspoken & direct

Wickedly funny

Extremely intelligent

That's the short list. Please note that these are not in any particular order. Ohhhh man...I sure do miss me.

I'm still not sure I'm really in perimenopause. I'm 36, and have had some symptoms for a few years now. I keep thinking it's stress related, since I do have a history of panic attacks going back to my adolesence. Maybe I'm in denial...

Anyway, before my symptoms started which are (vaginal dryness/irritation, crashing fatigue, more frequent and worse migraines, and lightheadedness), I was much braver when it came to my health. Now I seem to be so sensitive to the slightest physical feeling, and so scared by anything I feel. I used to be feel very sexy in general (appearance-wise and libido wise), now I just wake up each day hoping I don't feel "irritated" down below. It has really taken the wind out of my sexual sails.

I used to be strong, brave, adventurous, positive, generous, tireless, active, full of faith in myself, things and others. I never had an angry bone in my body. I used to feel like I'd be 18 forever.

Now I'm more fearful, hesitant, withdrawn, tired and "lazy," and things bother me much more. I've lost faith in a lot of things. I tend to feel put out by things that I used to do gladly. Physically, I feel like I'm in my 60s instead of in my 30s.

When I think about making a trip to the supermarket, my next thought is, "Well, I'll see how I feel tomorrow." I've lost that spontaneity. I feel like I have to live my life around "good days" and "bad days."

But I'm not depressed, oddly enough. I just want a definitive answer. Is it Perimenopause? Or is it Stress? Unfortunately, there is no way to tell just yet.

KB61. Wow, you are certainly going through it. Although you are not depressed, you definately need something/ someone to help you. I really think you need to find out what's going on with your health, mentally AND physically. It sounds like you are too young for peri - but - Who knows? Women that are staring peri nowadays are getting younger all the time. I hope that you follow through with this and insist that your doctor get to the bottom of it????!!! Rita

I was 38 when it became medically acknowledge and tested that I was going through peri, and now I can see that I had probably even started when I was 36.

KB I can relate to what you are saying, about how the person you have become,...BUT...i do believe its from peri, because I was under so much stress in my years b4 this year and I was still able to carry out everything, granted there were times that I had days I couldnt do much,...BUT NOT how debilitated I have become now!

I do have good days though and Im starting to see relief in sight,....I honestly think, and I was talking to one of our other sisters from here just this mornin about it. It has only started to become "easier" to handle(yes these freakin symptoms still hamper me in alot of ways..) once I fully accepted it and "allowed" myself to say...its the peri...She had stated the same for her too.

There has been discussions on here and I believe Dearest has some comments and resources out in the other parts of PS site,...that once women get to that point...it does become easier. Just like a death...at first you cant believe it, some wont believe it..(shock) then you find out every details, the hows, whys, and if's, couldas wouldas shouldas...then acceptance starts to set in.

Hugs gals...

KB

You sound peri to me...but I'm not a doctor...but they don't know anything about it either . My nice little ride started at the age of 32!!! I've been like just about everybody else on here, my symptoms scared me to death....at first. And once I did realize and accept that it was my hormones doing that crap to me, it sorta took the fear away. I still have occassional symptoms and I try to joke about them. Like when my heart races...I'll say "what's your hurry". When it flip-flops...I'll say "fly back to where you're supposed to be". Goofy little sayings like that and it works for me because they almost immediately stop. When I get the shakes....I'll go through the house and deliberately exaggerate my shakes, I look like I'm being electrocuted or something. We all laugh and I don't feel so bad having them. These are just some things I do to help me cope.

I have more good days now than bad and you will too .

I have read somewhere that women who have little trouble with periods will have little trouble with menopause. I'm not sure if that's true, but from about age 28 until my periods stopped 7 mths ago, I got awful headaches every month. Also had bad nausea when pregnant. I believe this is because some people are more sensitive to hormone fluctuations than others. Another theory is that calm placid women get fewer symptoms than more highly strung ones. Rather unfair I think! But certainly fits with me. But after menopause symptoms made me think I was a gonner, it was such a relief to know nothing was wrong, and certainly puts a different angle on things. But I suppose life isn't a bed of roses for most of us. There was someone who I used to work with, and who I envied because when I was taking the headache pills, she sailed through periods and in fact admitted was never ill. I saw her the other day and she said last year she'd had a brain haemmorage. No symptoms, no warning. It really made me rethink things. Thankfully she's made a good recovery. Makes you think though about the old saying 'A creaking gate lasts longest'. LOL.

Lydia...they be wrong ...again...whe I first started my periods,..and all the way up to 36,..no problems,...regular and very seldom cramping, headaches with em,..nothing really, I was very active and they didnt stop me.

Now,..holy moly...talk about a change!

Looks like when it comes to hormones there are no hard fast rules. I've noticed few women have all the same symptoms. but share many of them. I'm lucky in that I keep improving with time - although some things remain. It's true what you said about accepting, after the first shock.

This forum has played a big part of my acceptance, and the humour is a tonic.
I like the image of what I can only think is a hot flash, or one of those awful electric shock things (I've had them too!)