Full Version: What Were You Like Before Menopause Started?
That just about says it all......
April,
You are just so in the thick of it right now. It is going to ease, but there's a period where everything seems to hit at once, and it's overwhelming! MANY of us have been there, and found that these things change. For me, it's all eased a lot.
Maintain hope, and do your best to take things only one step at a time.
Oh, and SPOIL yourself. You have earned the right to be fussed over and given treats!!
Hang in,
Jacquie
You are just so in the thick of it right now. It is going to ease, but there's a period where everything seems to hit at once, and it's overwhelming! MANY of us have been there, and found that these things change. For me, it's all eased a lot.
Maintain hope, and do your best to take things only one step at a time.
Oh, and SPOIL yourself. You have earned the right to be fussed over and given treats!!
Hang in,
Jacquie
Jacquie,
Great advice to "maintain hope" and take it one step at a time. I hope that April takes your advice, and to know that she will come through this.
Jacquie I did read the thread on bizzare dreams, thanks for that tip. It was enlightening to see how many ladies have these strange dreams, scary!!!!
Still using the progesterone cream, also been eating healthy with things like brown rice, tofu and veggies. I've been at this for about 3 days, and low and behold I even dropped a couple pounds. I'm lucky to have a fairly decent weight, but I did somehow gain some weight in the past month, lots of water weight???
Hope all is well with you!!!!
Love~Jules
Great advice to "maintain hope" and take it one step at a time. I hope that April takes your advice, and to know that she will come through this.
Jacquie I did read the thread on bizzare dreams, thanks for that tip. It was enlightening to see how many ladies have these strange dreams, scary!!!!
Still using the progesterone cream, also been eating healthy with things like brown rice, tofu and veggies. I've been at this for about 3 days, and low and behold I even dropped a couple pounds. I'm lucky to have a fairly decent weight, but I did somehow gain some weight in the past month, lots of water weight???
Hope all is well with you!!!!
Love~Jules
Good morning all,
Just drinking my morning coffee reading through the entries in this thread. My experience prior to starting the meno journey,,,In my 20's I was struck with paralyzing panic/anxiety/agoraphobia. I went through two different episodes with it. The second time was truly debilitating. Fought and struggled my way through that darkness. I passed through that, and became a strong confidant woman, secure in the knowledge of who I was and what I stood for. My PMS I always referred to as PMR ( pre menstrual retardation) I would get foggy, would reverse words in sentences, drop stuff, have body buzz where I felt like I was just vibrating, strange head sensations, my vision would get strange, etc. Now for my preconceptions about meno. The older women in my family never spoke of meno. As a young girl I once witnessed my Mom shed her shirt and lie down on the tile floor in the kitchen with a hot flash. Hmmmm I thought. My oldest sister (12 yrs. my senior) tried to tell me about meno. I just scoffed. My thinking was...I am a stronger woman than her. Menopause will just be some hot flashes and a blessed end to this monthly bleeding. My sister had the book "Woman on the edge of two worlds" by Lynn Andrews. I read the entire book...in one passage it spoke of Native American women finding a nice patch of moss in the wilderness, and going there to bleed on the moss during their final cycle. That was the passage I latched onto from the book. I even had my patch of moss picked out. In my mind menopause was not going to be a difficult journey. I welcomed it. I was READY for it.
Good grief. Sometimes one looks back on previously held mindsets and wonders... HOW COULD HAVE I BEEN SOOOOOO WRONG???!!!???? Man I hate it when I get into Happy Zones. I have been blindsided by meno. I started into peri 4 yrs. ago. About a year ago, I noticed my joy and passion for life in general was fading. I was slipping into depression. Questioning who I was and what the hell good I was. Constantly having that feeling of being homesick for a place I knew I could never return to. This past Oct. I had a really bad reaction to antibiotics...one of things that happened was severe headaches followed by terrible nosebleeds. I was absolutely convinced that I had a tumor or some such malady. I knew I was dying. With that event, I started with panic, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. The obsessive thoughts are the WORST. I also had them with the panic attacks in my 20's.
So...my symptoms are mimicking those that I had at different points in my life. All the PMS symptoms (Ohhh how I long for the PMS days, when it only went on for 3 or 4 days a month! )...the anxiety. Chuckling to myself...I thoughts that hot flashes would be the biggest problem. Although unpleasant, they are the least of my worries.
I would like to pose a question to those of you with adult daughters. How are you handling this with them? I've been telling my Nicole all about it. I've started to wonder if maybe ignorance of all of the joys of meno might be the best thing. I mean I came into this blissfully naive. I was looking forward to it for goodness sake. What would have happened if I knew how bad it was gonna be??? Would have I fretted for years? Because lets face it ladies....at this point in time there is really nothing we can do about this. We can strive for positive attitudes and hope like hell that our senses of humor can prevail. There are no pills, there are no magic bullets. Each of us have a different experience, but the bottom line is every woman on this planet is going to go through this if she lives long enough. So- should we educate our daughters on this? Or would it be better in blissful ignorance?
Once again I'd like to thank all of you for being here and taking the time to share your experiences.
Ula
Just drinking my morning coffee reading through the entries in this thread. My experience prior to starting the meno journey,,,In my 20's I was struck with paralyzing panic/anxiety/agoraphobia. I went through two different episodes with it. The second time was truly debilitating. Fought and struggled my way through that darkness. I passed through that, and became a strong confidant woman, secure in the knowledge of who I was and what I stood for. My PMS I always referred to as PMR ( pre menstrual retardation) I would get foggy, would reverse words in sentences, drop stuff, have body buzz where I felt like I was just vibrating, strange head sensations, my vision would get strange, etc. Now for my preconceptions about meno. The older women in my family never spoke of meno. As a young girl I once witnessed my Mom shed her shirt and lie down on the tile floor in the kitchen with a hot flash. Hmmmm I thought. My oldest sister (12 yrs. my senior) tried to tell me about meno. I just scoffed. My thinking was...I am a stronger woman than her. Menopause will just be some hot flashes and a blessed end to this monthly bleeding. My sister had the book "Woman on the edge of two worlds" by Lynn Andrews. I read the entire book...in one passage it spoke of Native American women finding a nice patch of moss in the wilderness, and going there to bleed on the moss during their final cycle. That was the passage I latched onto from the book. I even had my patch of moss picked out. In my mind menopause was not going to be a difficult journey. I welcomed it. I was READY for it.
Good grief. Sometimes one looks back on previously held mindsets and wonders... HOW COULD HAVE I BEEN SOOOOOO WRONG???!!!???? Man I hate it when I get into Happy Zones. I have been blindsided by meno. I started into peri 4 yrs. ago. About a year ago, I noticed my joy and passion for life in general was fading. I was slipping into depression. Questioning who I was and what the hell good I was. Constantly having that feeling of being homesick for a place I knew I could never return to. This past Oct. I had a really bad reaction to antibiotics...one of things that happened was severe headaches followed by terrible nosebleeds. I was absolutely convinced that I had a tumor or some such malady. I knew I was dying. With that event, I started with panic, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. The obsessive thoughts are the WORST. I also had them with the panic attacks in my 20's.
So...my symptoms are mimicking those that I had at different points in my life. All the PMS symptoms (Ohhh how I long for the PMS days, when it only went on for 3 or 4 days a month! )...the anxiety. Chuckling to myself...I thoughts that hot flashes would be the biggest problem. Although unpleasant, they are the least of my worries.
I would like to pose a question to those of you with adult daughters. How are you handling this with them? I've been telling my Nicole all about it. I've started to wonder if maybe ignorance of all of the joys of meno might be the best thing. I mean I came into this blissfully naive. I was looking forward to it for goodness sake. What would have happened if I knew how bad it was gonna be??? Would have I fretted for years? Because lets face it ladies....at this point in time there is really nothing we can do about this. We can strive for positive attitudes and hope like hell that our senses of humor can prevail. There are no pills, there are no magic bullets. Each of us have a different experience, but the bottom line is every woman on this planet is going to go through this if she lives long enough. So- should we educate our daughters on this? Or would it be better in blissful ignorance?
Once again I'd like to thank all of you for being here and taking the time to share your experiences.
Ula
Mizzula
Well said - well writen
What do we do next?
Stop and let me get off.
Well said - well writen
What do we do next?
Stop and let me get off.
MizzUla
I too have been hit with this hard! I also did not have any idea what this would be like. Thought meno was hot flashes and your period stopped. When all this hit thought I was dying or losing my mind. Some days I still think that. As far as my daughter is concerned she is only 15 but I am speaking to her about what is happening to me. I let her know that this has not been easy. I in no way want her to be hit with this the way I was. Yes she is young and really is just beginning to get used to her own cycles but I want to be honest with her. I have been careful not to say to much and I will continue to speak to her more as she gets older. I have a 19 year old son who also knows that I'm struggling with this right now. My goal in telling him( I leave out the things he would not want to hear about---don't think he wants to hear about his mom's flooding problem!!) is to make him aware that this can be a hard time in a womans life. Someday he will be a husband and I want him to be understanding with his wife when the time comes. Maybe I'm too open with my kids but that is the way we have always been. Please take care of yourself.
Cathy
I too have been hit with this hard! I also did not have any idea what this would be like. Thought meno was hot flashes and your period stopped. When all this hit thought I was dying or losing my mind. Some days I still think that. As far as my daughter is concerned she is only 15 but I am speaking to her about what is happening to me. I let her know that this has not been easy. I in no way want her to be hit with this the way I was. Yes she is young and really is just beginning to get used to her own cycles but I want to be honest with her. I have been careful not to say to much and I will continue to speak to her more as she gets older. I have a 19 year old son who also knows that I'm struggling with this right now. My goal in telling him( I leave out the things he would not want to hear about---don't think he wants to hear about his mom's flooding problem!!) is to make him aware that this can be a hard time in a womans life. Someday he will be a husband and I want him to be understanding with his wife when the time comes. Maybe I'm too open with my kids but that is the way we have always been. Please take care of yourself.
Cathy
MizzUla -
Boy - telling daughters about this is the $64,000 question, isn't it? I have told my 31 year old daughter about some of my struggles so she won't think she's nuts if this happens to her, too. Luckily she lives far away enough to not see all the gruesomeness. But I sure don't want her to live the next twenty years waiting for the axe to fall. On the plus side, at the early stages of this mess last year my ordinarily non-spiritual self slid temporarily into marginal temporary spirituality and so she and I were able to make a new connection since that's a big part of her life. Hmmm, I KNEW there was a positive side to this madness.
But my two closest women friends are fourteen years younger than I am and I also worry about telling them too much. One is now already worried and she has enough on her plate that I wish I could have shielded her from my difficulties. The other has just started peri, or at least has had some depression since the birth of her child a few years ago.
It's a tough call - we need the support and understanding, but sure don't want to make the younger women in our lives dread getting older.
Otter
Boy - telling daughters about this is the $64,000 question, isn't it? I have told my 31 year old daughter about some of my struggles so she won't think she's nuts if this happens to her, too. Luckily she lives far away enough to not see all the gruesomeness. But I sure don't want her to live the next twenty years waiting for the axe to fall. On the plus side, at the early stages of this mess last year my ordinarily non-spiritual self slid temporarily into marginal temporary spirituality and so she and I were able to make a new connection since that's a big part of her life. Hmmm, I KNEW there was a positive side to this madness.
But my two closest women friends are fourteen years younger than I am and I also worry about telling them too much. One is now already worried and she has enough on her plate that I wish I could have shielded her from my difficulties. The other has just started peri, or at least has had some depression since the birth of her child a few years ago.
It's a tough call - we need the support and understanding, but sure don't want to make the younger women in our lives dread getting older.
Otter
Cathy
You told me on the Fibromyalgia board that I have a way with words or somthing to that effect - Well so do you girl!!!!!!!
You know that I also have a daughter and a son. I have also talked with them both about what MOM is going throught. My daughter is now 31 and my son just turned 28 - both married with three and two little boys respectively.
My daughter is ultra supportive and wants me to tell her everything. She says someday "Mom I will need your knowledge and support when I go down that road of life." She is having really difficult periods now after having 2 yes 2 - tubal ligations in her life and 3 C-sections - lots of scar tissue proplems. The first tubal resulted in pregnacy with baby boy 3 being born 4 years and 2 days after her first tubal. She is about to have the lazer procedure due to excessive bleeding and she has PMS from bowles HE!!!
Son needs to know because he has a wife (who is bipolar & A nurse) and has PMS issues as well so I say be open be honest - let you feels out in helps to purge emotionally. He will need to give her more support that most with her Bipolar.
I am of the opinion that Ignorance is NOT Bliss in any matter of live ............ My daer mother thought that she could shelter me from every thing in life - she still tries.......... We do not mother in the same way....no doubt....
Mizzula
Good luck & Hang in there. My children are adults.......very successful - stable - self sufficent, well adjusted adults who have good lives. I raised them alone for 11 years - We shared EVERYTHING !!!!!! They tell me time and time again - "Mom Thank you for raising us in the real world!!!!!!!!!!!!"
BTW: I was raised in a Fairy Tale world by my parents< especially Mother-------
It makes life so much toughter to live as an adult -
when you life was FAIRY TALE PERFECT as a child, as mine was ......Trust me I know -----
The Silver Spoon in my mouth eventually Tarnished ---------I still have a difficult time getting the taste out of my mouth. Tarnished silver always turns that awful BLACK ------- it even has a horrible smell!!!!!!
Real world prepares you much better for everything........... I think a lot of my depression and my emotional upheaval is STIL a result of THE SILVER SPOON SYNDROME .......... I have had to learn everything the hard way as an adult...
Love to both of you!!!!!
Donna
You told me on the Fibromyalgia board that I have a way with words or somthing to that effect - Well so do you girl!!!!!!!
You know that I also have a daughter and a son. I have also talked with them both about what MOM is going throught. My daughter is now 31 and my son just turned 28 - both married with three and two little boys respectively.
My daughter is ultra supportive and wants me to tell her everything. She says someday "Mom I will need your knowledge and support when I go down that road of life." She is having really difficult periods now after having 2 yes 2 - tubal ligations in her life and 3 C-sections - lots of scar tissue proplems. The first tubal resulted in pregnacy with baby boy 3 being born 4 years and 2 days after her first tubal. She is about to have the lazer procedure due to excessive bleeding and she has PMS from bowles HE!!!
Son needs to know because he has a wife (who is bipolar & A nurse) and has PMS issues as well so I say be open be honest - let you feels out in helps to purge emotionally. He will need to give her more support that most with her Bipolar.
I am of the opinion that Ignorance is NOT Bliss in any matter of live ............ My daer mother thought that she could shelter me from every thing in life - she still tries.......... We do not mother in the same way....no doubt....
Mizzula
Good luck & Hang in there. My children are adults.......very successful - stable - self sufficent, well adjusted adults who have good lives. I raised them alone for 11 years - We shared EVERYTHING !!!!!! They tell me time and time again - "Mom Thank you for raising us in the real world!!!!!!!!!!!!"
BTW: I was raised in a Fairy Tale world by my parents< especially Mother-------
It makes life so much toughter to live as an adult -
when you life was FAIRY TALE PERFECT as a child, as mine was ......Trust me I know -----
The Silver Spoon in my mouth eventually Tarnished ---------I still have a difficult time getting the taste out of my mouth. Tarnished silver always turns that awful BLACK ------- it even has a horrible smell!!!!!!
Real world prepares you much better for everything........... I think a lot of my depression and my emotional upheaval is STIL a result of THE SILVER SPOON SYNDROME .......... I have had to learn everything the hard way as an adult...
Love to both of you!!!!!
Donna
QUOTE (MizzUla @ Apr 6 2005, 08:35 AM)
Good morning all,
Just drinking my morning coffee reading through the entries in this thread. My experience prior to starting the meno journey,,,In my 20's I was struck with paralyzing panic/anxiety/agoraphobia. I went through two different episodes with it. The second time was truly debilitating. Fought and struggled my way through that darkness. I passed through that, and became a strong confidant woman, secure in the knowledge of who I was and what I stood for. My PMS I always referred to as PMR ( pre menstrual retardation) I would get foggy, would reverse words in sentences, drop stuff, have body buzz where I felt like I was just vibrating, strange head sensations, my vision would get strange, etc. Now for my preconceptions about meno. The older women in my family never spoke of meno. As a young girl I once witnessed my Mom shed her shirt and lie down on the tile floor in the kitchen with a hot flash. Hmmmm I thought. My oldest sister (12 yrs. my senior) tried to tell me about meno. I just scoffed. My thinking was...I am a stronger woman than her. Menopause will just be some hot flashes and a blessed end to this monthly bleeding. My sister had the book "Woman on the edge of two worlds" by Lynn Andrews. I read the entire book...in one passage it spoke of Native American women finding a nice patch of moss in the wilderness, and going there to bleed on the moss during their final cycle. That was the passage I latched onto from the book. I even had my patch of moss picked out. In my mind menopause was not going to be a difficult journey. I welcomed it. I was READY for it.
Good grief. Sometimes one looks back on previously held mindsets and wonders... HOW COULD HAVE I BEEN SOOOOOO WRONG???!!!???? Man I hate it when I get into Happy Zones. I have been blindsided by meno. I started into peri 4 yrs. ago. About a year ago, I noticed my joy and passion for life in general was fading. I was slipping into depression. Questioning who I was and what the hell good I was. Constantly having that feeling of being homesick for a place I knew I could never return to. This past Oct. I had a really bad reaction to antibiotics...one of things that happened was severe headaches followed by terrible nosebleeds. I was absolutely convinced that I had a tumor or some such malady. I knew I was dying. With that event, I started with panic, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. The obsessive thoughts are the WORST. I also had them with the panic attacks in my 20's.
So...my symptoms are mimicking those that I had at different points in my life. All the PMS symptoms (Ohhh how I long for the PMS days, when it only went on for 3 or 4 days a month! )...the anxiety. Chuckling to myself...I thoughts that hot flashes would be the biggest problem. Although unpleasant, they are the least of my worries.
I would like to pose a question to those of you with adult daughters. How are you handling this with them? I've been telling my Nicole all about it. I've started to wonder if maybe ignorance of all of the joys of meno might be the best thing. I mean I came into this blissfully naive. I was looking forward to it for goodness sake. What would have happened if I knew how bad it was gonna be??? Would have I fretted for years? Because lets face it ladies....at this point in time there is really nothing we can do about this. We can strive for positive attitudes and hope like hell that our senses of humor can prevail. There are no pills, there are no magic bullets. Each of us have a different experience, but the bottom line is every woman on this planet is going to go through this if she lives long enough. So- should we educate our daughters on this? Or would it be better in blissful ignorance?
Once again I'd like to thank all of you for being here and taking the time to share your experiences.
Ula
Just drinking my morning coffee reading through the entries in this thread. My experience prior to starting the meno journey,,,In my 20's I was struck with paralyzing panic/anxiety/agoraphobia. I went through two different episodes with it. The second time was truly debilitating. Fought and struggled my way through that darkness. I passed through that, and became a strong confidant woman, secure in the knowledge of who I was and what I stood for. My PMS I always referred to as PMR ( pre menstrual retardation) I would get foggy, would reverse words in sentences, drop stuff, have body buzz where I felt like I was just vibrating, strange head sensations, my vision would get strange, etc. Now for my preconceptions about meno. The older women in my family never spoke of meno. As a young girl I once witnessed my Mom shed her shirt and lie down on the tile floor in the kitchen with a hot flash. Hmmmm I thought. My oldest sister (12 yrs. my senior) tried to tell me about meno. I just scoffed. My thinking was...I am a stronger woman than her. Menopause will just be some hot flashes and a blessed end to this monthly bleeding. My sister had the book "Woman on the edge of two worlds" by Lynn Andrews. I read the entire book...in one passage it spoke of Native American women finding a nice patch of moss in the wilderness, and going there to bleed on the moss during their final cycle. That was the passage I latched onto from the book. I even had my patch of moss picked out. In my mind menopause was not going to be a difficult journey. I welcomed it. I was READY for it.
Good grief. Sometimes one looks back on previously held mindsets and wonders... HOW COULD HAVE I BEEN SOOOOOO WRONG???!!!???? Man I hate it when I get into Happy Zones. I have been blindsided by meno. I started into peri 4 yrs. ago. About a year ago, I noticed my joy and passion for life in general was fading. I was slipping into depression. Questioning who I was and what the hell good I was. Constantly having that feeling of being homesick for a place I knew I could never return to. This past Oct. I had a really bad reaction to antibiotics...one of things that happened was severe headaches followed by terrible nosebleeds. I was absolutely convinced that I had a tumor or some such malady. I knew I was dying. With that event, I started with panic, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. The obsessive thoughts are the WORST. I also had them with the panic attacks in my 20's.
So...my symptoms are mimicking those that I had at different points in my life. All the PMS symptoms (Ohhh how I long for the PMS days, when it only went on for 3 or 4 days a month! )...the anxiety. Chuckling to myself...I thoughts that hot flashes would be the biggest problem. Although unpleasant, they are the least of my worries.
I would like to pose a question to those of you with adult daughters. How are you handling this with them? I've been telling my Nicole all about it. I've started to wonder if maybe ignorance of all of the joys of meno might be the best thing. I mean I came into this blissfully naive. I was looking forward to it for goodness sake. What would have happened if I knew how bad it was gonna be??? Would have I fretted for years? Because lets face it ladies....at this point in time there is really nothing we can do about this. We can strive for positive attitudes and hope like hell that our senses of humor can prevail. There are no pills, there are no magic bullets. Each of us have a different experience, but the bottom line is every woman on this planet is going to go through this if she lives long enough. So- should we educate our daughters on this? Or would it be better in blissful ignorance?
Once again I'd like to thank all of you for being here and taking the time to share your experiences.
Ula
Ula, I wish my mom had told me about this thing called menopause & what to expect--when i ask her about her own experiences she really has no recollection although I do remember a lot of times she was miserable. I have an adult daughter & we talk just about everything....you bet I will tell her about it.
QUOTE (joliejacq @ Apr 5 2005, 03:01 PM)
April,
You are just so in the thick of it right now. It is going to ease, but there's a period where everything seems to hit at once, and it's overwhelming! MANY of us have been there, and found that these things change. For me, it's all eased a lot.
Maintain hope, and do your best to take things only one step at a time.
Oh, and SPOIL yourself. You have earned the right to be fussed over and given treats!!
Hang in,
Jacquie
You are just so in the thick of it right now. It is going to ease, but there's a period where everything seems to hit at once, and it's overwhelming! MANY of us have been there, and found that these things change. For me, it's all eased a lot.
Maintain hope, and do your best to take things only one step at a time.
Oh, and SPOIL yourself. You have earned the right to be fussed over and given treats!!
Hang in,
Jacquie
jaquie you made me feel a lot better...I need a lot of reassurance right now 
Mizzula,
Thanks for bring up the question about what to tell our "kids" about meno. I guess I'm much like Otter and Noona, I tell my son (25) daughter (20) that I'm struggling with the "change". I get strange looks, they accept it, but I don't think they can fully understand it yet. My own mother used to whine for-ever about not sleeping, night sweats, and EVERYTHING she could think of (seemed overkill to me when I was young). NEVER did I think I would be anything like her, lol.
I do think we need to talk about it. I tell my daughter as much as I see she can handle to hear, without freaking her out.
I agree with Otter, that I'm glad they are away, and can't see some of the hard days.
Cathyw: Keep that close relationship with daughter, at 15 comes all those changes in a young girl. I think its great that you talk with her!!!!
Hugs to all, Jules
Thanks for bring up the question about what to tell our "kids" about meno. I guess I'm much like Otter and Noona, I tell my son (25) daughter (20) that I'm struggling with the "change". I get strange looks, they accept it, but I don't think they can fully understand it yet. My own mother used to whine for-ever about not sleeping, night sweats, and EVERYTHING she could think of (seemed overkill to me when I was young). NEVER did I think I would be anything like her, lol.
I do think we need to talk about it. I tell my daughter as much as I see she can handle to hear, without freaking her out.
I agree with Otter, that I'm glad they are away, and can't see some of the hard days.
Cathyw: Keep that close relationship with daughter, at 15 comes all those changes in a young girl. I think its great that you talk with her!!!!
Hugs to all, Jules
Morning ladies...
Thanks for your responses. It's always interesting to hear the perspectives of others. My daughter,Nicole, is 27. She is a wonderful,positive well grounded woman. She and I have been best friends. More like friends than Mother/Daughter. We know everything about each other. She made me laugh yesterday...she and I have always had this running thing about the "baby-boomers" vs. "generation X". She stated that she's not worried about menopause. That the "boomers" were never ones to suffer in silence and that we see ourselves as the catalysts of change. She's confident by the time her meno rolls around we'll have it all figured out. From her lips to God's ears.
Wishing you all a wonderful day!!
Ula
Thanks for your responses. It's always interesting to hear the perspectives of others. My daughter,Nicole, is 27. She is a wonderful,positive well grounded woman. She and I have been best friends. More like friends than Mother/Daughter. We know everything about each other. She made me laugh yesterday...she and I have always had this running thing about the "baby-boomers" vs. "generation X". She stated that she's not worried about menopause. That the "boomers" were never ones to suffer in silence and that we see ourselves as the catalysts of change. She's confident by the time her meno rolls around we'll have it all figured out. From her lips to God's ears.
Wishing you all a wonderful day!!
Ula
I'm also honest with my daughter, although I pray that the experience will be different for her.
When I was a teen, my mum (who swears she had no menopause problems but I KNOW DIFFERENT) once went to the grocery store with her sweater on inside out. Worse, it was a white sweater that she had taken in on the sides with BROWN THREAD (she was in a hurry).
I remember thinking, she's going NUTS!
Kids may not understand now, but they might one day!
When I was a teen, my mum (who swears she had no menopause problems but I KNOW DIFFERENT) once went to the grocery store with her sweater on inside out. Worse, it was a white sweater that she had taken in on the sides with BROWN THREAD (she was in a hurry).
I remember thinking, she's going NUTS!
Kids may not understand now, but they might one day!
good one ula! dare we devulge our user names for the sake of generations x'ers known to us? 
Liz
good one ula! dare we devulge our user names for the sake of generations x'ers known to us? Liz
Hmmm this is a question I have had little time to ponder Dearest yet now i think I have always been at some level of menopause. I got a taste of it when I was 26. I was diagnosed with endometriosus and the treatment was "to stop the menstral cycle by chemical means (Danazol). It threw me into meonpause with night sweats, oily skin and hair (had to change shampoos) irratibility, fatique, low sexual desire (if any) and weight gain of 9-11 lbs. I am a petite person 5 ft 2 and 4 inch wrist....that is an uncomfortable gain on a small frame. I was willing to go thru all this because I wanted a child desperately. After two miscarriages...we were blessed with a baby boy (now 19). While carrying him...hang on I'm having a flash/flush/whatever.....sorry, had to disrobe..i'll be freezing in about one minute 
Any way in the first days I began spotting and was put on progesterone supositories for 5 months of the pregnancy with ultrasounds every week to make sure he was developing normally. Well while I was pregnant I had a sex drive for the first time in years..it was kind of weird, my big belly and all but fun too. I only had the side effect of leg cramps in the night and I gained 60.. yes thats right..60 pounds. I was only allowed to go up and down the stairs once a day and no exercise; fearing another miscarriage. Sooo...that all took care of itself and we had a fine son..later we wanted another child but all the same problems were there and I wasn;t willing to go thru it all again (surgeries, drugs etc..) witha toddler at home so when my son was four, we adopted a beautiful little girl.
Any way in the first days I began spotting and was put on progesterone supositories for 5 months of the pregnancy with ultrasounds every week to make sure he was developing normally. Well while I was pregnant I had a sex drive for the first time in years..it was kind of weird, my big belly and all but fun too. I only had the side effect of leg cramps in the night and I gained 60.. yes thats right..60 pounds. I was only allowed to go up and down the stairs once a day and no exercise; fearing another miscarriage. Sooo...that all took care of itself and we had a fine son..later we wanted another child but all the same problems were there and I wasn;t willing to go thru it all again (surgeries, drugs etc..) witha toddler at home so when my son was four, we adopted a beautiful little girl.
to continue..I was freezing, got my sweater on now My hot flashes came and went for years after so I really didn't know if it was endometriosus or menopause. I have been using herbs (vitex,dong quai,sarsparilla etc) since around 1996 after a partial hystorectomy (1 ovary left intact). It appears my last ovary has decided to go the way of the rest so I have real trouble now with the hot flashes night sweats, migraines, dizziness, insomnia, and very low sex drive (my poor hubby). I haven't really changed personality wise except that I do find that I am less tolerant than I used to be. I just don't patience with stupidity or meaness. I find that I avoid people like that whereas I used to make excuses for them. I also find I am not satisfied being an observer of life, I rather want to be a participant. This has led me ,at 48, to learn to snowboard and wakeboard and travel the world more. I am so excited about life in general but its hard when you feel yucky..I am beginning to see some small results with my acupuncture though and my chinese herbs. I am excited that maybe I can manage this. I am actually considering a marathon in the summer in salt lake. I have only done a 1/2 years ago but run regularly in shorter races.(i believe this is one reason my symptoms aren't worse). So really I am eager an dexcited to be done with this phase so I can get on with my life...its coming i can see the end of the tunnel, i think, or is that my failing eyesight??? Oh Bother, as Pooh would say...You are all great women, I am so happy to be a part of this group...thanks for sharing, jeanie 
My hot flashes came and went for years after so I really didn't know if it was endometriosus or menopause. I have been using herbs (vitex,dong quai,sarsparilla etc) since around 1996 after a partial hystorectomy (1 ovary left intact). It appears my last ovary has decided to go the way of the rest so I have real trouble now with the hot flashes night sweats, migraines, dizziness, insomnia, and very low sex drive (my poor hubby). I haven't really changed personality wise except that I do find that I am less tolerant than I used to be. I just don't patience with stupidity or meaness. I find that I avoid people like that whereas I used to make excuses for them. I also find I am not satisfied being an observer of life, I rather want to be a participant. This has led me ,at 48, to learn to snowboard and wakeboard and travel the world more. I am so excited about life in general but its hard when you feel yucky..I am beginning to see some small results with my acupuncture though and my chinese herbs. I am excited that maybe I can manage this. I am actually considering a marathon in the summer in salt lake. I have only done a 1/2 years ago but run regularly in shorter races.(i believe this is one reason my symptoms aren't worse). So really I am eager an dexcited to be done with this phase so I can get on with my life...its coming i can see the end of the tunnel, i think, or is that my failing eyesight??? Oh Bother, as Pooh would say...You are all great women, I am so happy to be a part of this group...thanks for sharing, jeanie
Hey Jeanie,
Thanks for sharing. Its so amazing to me, that we all have the SAME thing going on. Its hard to keep up with life when you feel crummy. Its something I suppose we have to fight daily, never knowing what is around the corner for the day!!!!
How wonderful to hear about your children and all that you went through, you surely deserve a medal for it!!!!
At 48, you are one year older than me. Though I still have most of my parts, lost my right ovary in '02. Things are on the decline for me as well. Its been hard, and I live a busy life, that lately I can barely keep up with at times. I fall into fatigue that drives me crazy, I nap more and sometimes words and thoughts escape me, lol. Brain fog!!!!!
I'm so glad you came here to PS, its full of info, and great gals that keep it interesting.
Hugs~Jules
Thanks for sharing. Its so amazing to me, that we all have the SAME thing going on. Its hard to keep up with life when you feel crummy. Its something I suppose we have to fight daily, never knowing what is around the corner for the day!!!!
How wonderful to hear about your children and all that you went through, you surely deserve a medal for it!!!!
At 48, you are one year older than me. Though I still have most of my parts, lost my right ovary in '02. Things are on the decline for me as well. Its been hard, and I live a busy life, that lately I can barely keep up with at times. I fall into fatigue that drives me crazy, I nap more and sometimes words and thoughts escape me, lol. Brain fog!!!!!
I'm so glad you came here to PS, its full of info, and great gals that keep it interesting.
Hugs~Jules
Hi Jules,
I read your post about progesterone, have you noticed a difference, and if so in what way? I bought some, but haven't used it yet, had read where some were having problems with acne brought on by the progesterone, and also some weight gain, so was curious to see if you had experienced these effects or not? Bell...
I read your post about progesterone, have you noticed a difference, and if so in what way? I bought some, but haven't used it yet, had read where some were having problems with acne brought on by the progesterone, and also some weight gain, so was curious to see if you had experienced these effects or not? Bell...
Hi Bell,
Just posted back to you on the other thread, lol. On this subject of the progesterone cream, well its kinda to soon to tell about it yet. I have only one month under my belt. I did notice a "big" improvement with my energy level, and felt less depressed. I stopped the cream 48 hrs before a period was suppose to start, and it did start. But my periods are still awful, and I was still down for 2 days feeling really bad, oh well.
I did notice that my breasts were really sore while I was on the cream, they say that this might get better as the body adjusts, hope so. My cream is an over the counter type, called Gentle Changes. I have also noticed a few "breakouts" on my forehead (how lovely). I suppose this next month will tell me more, I will let you know, but truthfully, I do feel better.
What kinds of symptons are bothering you??? I'm sure the list is long, lol, but just wondering??
Jules
Just posted back to you on the other thread, lol. On this subject of the progesterone cream, well its kinda to soon to tell about it yet. I have only one month under my belt. I did notice a "big" improvement with my energy level, and felt less depressed. I stopped the cream 48 hrs before a period was suppose to start, and it did start. But my periods are still awful, and I was still down for 2 days feeling really bad, oh well.
I did notice that my breasts were really sore while I was on the cream, they say that this might get better as the body adjusts, hope so. My cream is an over the counter type, called Gentle Changes. I have also noticed a few "breakouts" on my forehead (how lovely). I suppose this next month will tell me more, I will let you know, but truthfully, I do feel better.
What kinds of symptons are bothering you??? I'm sure the list is long, lol, but just wondering??
Jules
Jules,
Just read your other post, thank you. Actually I don't have to many complaints, probably the worst is this internal shaking and insommnia, my body has a hard time utilizing cal/mag so I am always fighting that but last night took a bunch of B vitamins, folic acid, and pantothenic acid, and I slept for 7 hrs. I am usually up all night or until I am totally exhausted and crash. So I was sort of curious as to whether the progesterone would have any effect. I can't get anything done, I am always tired.. Bell
Since everyone is opting for your salon expertise, hope you don't mind if I do to.
Are all hair dyes pretty much equal? My hair is really shiney but when I use a dye it looks fake and dull, any suggestions
Just read your other post, thank you. Actually I don't have to many complaints, probably the worst is this internal shaking and insommnia, my body has a hard time utilizing cal/mag so I am always fighting that but last night took a bunch of B vitamins, folic acid, and pantothenic acid, and I slept for 7 hrs. I am usually up all night or until I am totally exhausted and crash. So I was sort of curious as to whether the progesterone would have any effect. I can't get anything done, I am always tired.. Bell
Since everyone is opting for your salon expertise, hope you don't mind if I do to.
Are all hair dyes pretty much equal? My hair is really shiney but when I use a dye it looks fake and dull, any suggestions
Hi Bell,
Hmmmmm, thinking of your hair problem. I don't think that all hair dyes are equal, some are more conditioning then others, and some have more pigment also. Since you say that your hair is shiney, then you dye it and it gets dull. One thing that you need to know about shine, is that it is "light" reflecting off of the hair. Thats what shine is. So if your hair looks dull, that means that the dye was strong, and opened up the cuticles on your hair. Each individual hair strand has a cuticle, this is similar to shingles on a roof. Any type of "abuse" such as dye or bleach, cause this cuticle to open. As it opens, it reflects less light, so it looks dull. This is telling you that you need more conditioning. I always flat iron my hair. This seals down the cuticle and makes the hair look silky and shiney.
I'm not an expert on the store bought dyes, so I can't tell you which is good. I only have experience with professional products that are sold to stylists only.
All color treatment affects the hair cuticle (on some hair types worse than others). If you blow dry, use some good products in your wet hair. Like for example a hair polish. These are made to seal the hair during the blow dry.
Let me know if this answered your question, good luck!!!!
Jules
Hmmmmm, thinking of your hair problem. I don't think that all hair dyes are equal, some are more conditioning then others, and some have more pigment also. Since you say that your hair is shiney, then you dye it and it gets dull. One thing that you need to know about shine, is that it is "light" reflecting off of the hair. Thats what shine is. So if your hair looks dull, that means that the dye was strong, and opened up the cuticles on your hair. Each individual hair strand has a cuticle, this is similar to shingles on a roof. Any type of "abuse" such as dye or bleach, cause this cuticle to open. As it opens, it reflects less light, so it looks dull. This is telling you that you need more conditioning. I always flat iron my hair. This seals down the cuticle and makes the hair look silky and shiney.
I'm not an expert on the store bought dyes, so I can't tell you which is good. I only have experience with professional products that are sold to stylists only.
All color treatment affects the hair cuticle (on some hair types worse than others). If you blow dry, use some good products in your wet hair. Like for example a hair polish. These are made to seal the hair during the blow dry.
Let me know if this answered your question, good luck!!!!
Jules
Jules,
If you have the time.........Why is gray hair coarse and without shine?
If you have the time.........Why is gray hair coarse and without shine?
Before menopause eh? I am 57 turning 58 in September and what is there to say....I have polycystic ovaries and have had OBs that wanted to remove them because of rumours of cancer(so far unfounded). I was told I could never have children...I did pop out a son now 28 and everything else is running like the well oiled(whatever it is that one oils) I will be starting my monthly period any second now...I had one hot flash 4 years ago last March. My face still breaks out 
but then it has done that since I started my periods at the great old age of ten...I am taking wellbutrin for anxiety and it has helped . I have gained weight but then again I do eat and never move unless prodded... 
Altogether I am looking forward to stopping this period thing because I have wanted to be an official wise old crone for many years now rather that just a CIT(crone in training)
Ilaf
I've never thought of myself as a crone in training, it's right up there with "When I am old I'll wear purple, or something to that effect. I thought menopause was over by 58? How long can this stuff go on for? Bell............
I've never thought of myself as a crone in training, it's right up there with "When I am old I'll wear purple, or something to that effect. I thought menopause was over by 58? How long can this stuff go on for? Bell............
Hi Lassie,
The grey hair dilemma, huh??? Well, I do know that grey hairs are different, usually more coarse. As for no-shine, well the grey hair lacks "pigment" there is no color to it, therefore that shade probably wouldn't shine like a blonde or more so of dark hair. Remember shine is just reflection of light.
I have seen the most beautiful "silver' hair, some women get a shade of grey thats really very nice, but rarely do I see that shade.
My own hair used to be much finer and softer, with the greys sprinkled in, even though I color it, my hair seems much more coarse and dryer than before. My head also lacks the oils, which is good for me, as now I don't have to wash it everyday, lol.
Hair does change with age, nothing we can do, but treat it with good products and endure.
Hugs to you~Jules
The grey hair dilemma, huh??? Well, I do know that grey hairs are different, usually more coarse. As for no-shine, well the grey hair lacks "pigment" there is no color to it, therefore that shade probably wouldn't shine like a blonde or more so of dark hair. Remember shine is just reflection of light.
I have seen the most beautiful "silver' hair, some women get a shade of grey thats really very nice, but rarely do I see that shade.
My own hair used to be much finer and softer, with the greys sprinkled in, even though I color it, my hair seems much more coarse and dryer than before. My head also lacks the oils, which is good for me, as now I don't have to wash it everyday, lol.
Hair does change with age, nothing we can do, but treat it with good products and endure.
Hugs to you~Jules
Jules,
Thanks for the information on the dye, I probably had over kill when I dyed my hair. The first time I dyed it it turned almost pink, so I redyed it and although the color was better, I am thinking of getting it cut short just to get rid of the bad hair, I don't know what product could breathe life back into now. My grandmother had silver grey hair, really pretty, my mother had yellow grey, not so pretty, thankfully I got my grandmothers version, and I am more then happy to keep it that way, but I hate how others preceive someone with grey hair. Bell............
Thanks for the information on the dye, I probably had over kill when I dyed my hair. The first time I dyed it it turned almost pink, so I redyed it and although the color was better, I am thinking of getting it cut short just to get rid of the bad hair, I don't know what product could breathe life back into now. My grandmother had silver grey hair, really pretty, my mother had yellow grey, not so pretty, thankfully I got my grandmothers version, and I am more then happy to keep it that way, but I hate how others preceive someone with grey hair. Bell............
Hi! I'm new here and I was just reading through these notes and had to comment on the hair topic.
My hair has been going silver since I was in my 30s (I *never* refer to it as "gray"). Except for a few experiments, I don't color it, mostly because I'm lazy. There is still a little bit of brown left in it, but almost all of it has changed over.
I've been very disappointed with hair care products for silver hair. Anything I've found for silver hair seems to have blue or purple in it, which is definitely not the look I'm going for!! Fortunately, a few shampoos, conditioners and glosses have shown up lately targeting blondes and I find these very nice. I usually select the ones for champaign or platinum blondes. My hair is very fine and the light conditioners work well for me.
Occasionally, I use something called Sun-In that is meant to lighten your hair using the sun or the hair dryer. My hair can't really get any lighter, but it does get all sparkly and shiny like spun silver. Also, a little lemon juice in the rinse water can add to the shine as can some lemon combed into it before going outside on a warm sunny day. All this can dry my hair out, so conditioner is mandatory for me.
Whenever I go on vacations, a good quarter of my suitcase is filled with stuff for my hair. I get a lot more compliments on it now than when it used to be mousy brown. I can't imagine a color I'd like better.
Anyway, end of rant...
-dah
My hair has been going silver since I was in my 30s (I *never* refer to it as "gray"). Except for a few experiments, I don't color it, mostly because I'm lazy. There is still a little bit of brown left in it, but almost all of it has changed over.
I've been very disappointed with hair care products for silver hair. Anything I've found for silver hair seems to have blue or purple in it, which is definitely not the look I'm going for!! Fortunately, a few shampoos, conditioners and glosses have shown up lately targeting blondes and I find these very nice. I usually select the ones for champaign or platinum blondes. My hair is very fine and the light conditioners work well for me.
Occasionally, I use something called Sun-In that is meant to lighten your hair using the sun or the hair dryer. My hair can't really get any lighter, but it does get all sparkly and shiny like spun silver. Also, a little lemon juice in the rinse water can add to the shine as can some lemon combed into it before going outside on a warm sunny day. All this can dry my hair out, so conditioner is mandatory for me.
Whenever I go on vacations, a good quarter of my suitcase is filled with stuff for my hair. I get a lot more compliments on it now than when it used to be mousy brown. I can't imagine a color I'd like better.
Anyway, end of rant...
-dah
I'm planning to go naturally "silver" so appreciate this info, Dah!
Thanks for sharing, and welcome to P-S!
so appreciate this info, Dah!Thanks for sharing, and welcome to P-S!
<_< Hi I am new to the site. I posted a message somewhere on this Board and I do not know where it is. My problem is that I am 60 years old and have not had any periods since my 40's. Just a few weeks ago I had some spotting and a yellow discharge.
WEnt to doctor and he did a pap and it came back normal. Then went in for endometrial biopsy (ouch) that really was uncomfortable. Then had both a pelvic and transvaginal ultrasound done. That was ten days ago and I have not heard on anything as of yet. From what I hear if they see anything of an urgent nature on the ultrasounds they call immediate. I am still worried though. Can anyone shed some light on this. I am star ing to get a little nervous.
Thanks. Peggy
WEnt to doctor and he did a pap and it came back normal. Then went in for endometrial biopsy (ouch) that really was uncomfortable. Then had both a pelvic and transvaginal ultrasound done. That was ten days ago and I have not heard on anything as of yet. From what I hear if they see anything of an urgent nature on the ultrasounds they call immediate. I am still worried though. Can anyone shed some light on this. I am star ing to get a little nervous.
Thanks. Peggy
Hi Peggie,
I wonder if you might have had a slight infection?
Don't hesitate to call your doc and ask for the results. There have been a few occasions where my doc's office has "forgotten" to call.
Also, my sis-in-law told me that one day her neighbor came to the door, asking if she had any tampons. It had been 5 YEARS since she'd stopped having periods, and for some reason, one just appeared! Also, a couple of women on these boards have had periods after 2 years of postmenopause.
It's possible you've had some kind of hormone surge.
Let us know what you find out!
Jacquie
I wonder if you might have had a slight infection?
Don't hesitate to call your doc and ask for the results. There have been a few occasions where my doc's office has "forgotten" to call.
Also, my sis-in-law told me that one day her neighbor came to the door, asking if she had any tampons. It had been 5 YEARS since she'd stopped having periods, and for some reason, one just appeared! Also, a couple of women on these boards have had periods after 2 years of postmenopause.
It's possible you've had some kind of hormone surge.
Let us know what you find out!
Jacquie
Thanks Jacquie, I always thought that they called right away after the ultrasounds, especially if they saw something bad. I have an appointment today to get results of endo biopsy and he will probably go over the ultrasound results with me. I hope it is not bad.
Thanks for you note.
Peggie
Thanks for you note.
Peggie
Hi Jacquie, just got back from the doctor's office and everything was normal. I will need a hysterectomy because my uterus is just about falling out of me and I have what they call atrophic vaginitis. That is what caused the bleeding and discharge. Thanks again for your kind words.
It feels like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders. When Something like this happens it really does put things into perspective. Thanks again, and have a good day.
Love Peggy
It feels like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders. When Something like this happens it really does put things into perspective. Thanks again, and have a good day.
Love Peggy
Hey Peggy,
I'm so glad to know that you're fine! Thanks for posting.
Good luck with your surgery - remember to be gentle and SPOIL yourself in the recuperative stage.
Jacquie
I'm so glad to know that you're fine! Thanks for posting.
Good luck with your surgery - remember to be gentle and SPOIL yourself in the recuperative stage.
Jacquie
Good Morning,
After reading some of the replies.. I am right there with you.. I used to exercise all the time, Now I dread and think of excuses.. I lost a few pounds and inches I feel the inches pile on again. thats all I think about. but not doing anything about it.I feel if I commit to something that I might be missing out in something better to do. When I listen to myself I think I am going psycho.. I dont tell anyone how I feel because it sounds so stupid.
I have everything my health great husband. but why cant I feel like living the wonderful life God has given me?
JANLYNN
After reading some of the replies.. I am right there with you.. I used to exercise all the time, Now I dread and think of excuses.. I lost a few pounds and inches I feel the inches pile on again. thats all I think about. but not doing anything about it.I feel if I commit to something that I might be missing out in something better to do. When I listen to myself I think I am going psycho.. I dont tell anyone how I feel because it sounds so stupid.
I have everything my health great husband. but why cant I feel like living the wonderful life God has given me?
JANLYNN
janlynn,I dont think it sounds stupid at all it sounds like you need the time just to enjoy simple things,dont be so hard on yourself.This peri meno stuff is hard enough to deal with.We have to learn to stop beating ourselves up.I know how you feel,i have been 'DIETING" since i was 12yrs. old it was a life consuming full time job i keep things undr control,somewhat, until the birth of my son lost it all and than now in peri bam... gained at least 30 lbs and like you i dont have the ambition(sp) to take it off yet i think about 24 hrs a day.I wonder if all this peri/meno stuff makes us stop and put things in perspective.I hope that when all of these crazy scary symptoms are gone and we can feel normal again we can then put ourselves first. i hope to have a different perspective of my self when this CRAP is over.Janlynn,hang in there and dont beat yourself up and absolutly dont feel stupid.Not to change the subject but is your dizzy feeling more like a off balance feeling? and does it get worse when you are upset,teedoff?
janlynn,I dont think it sounds stupid at all it sounds like you need the time just to enjoy simple things,dont be so hard on yourself.This peri meno stuff is hard enough to deal with.We have to learn to stop beating ourselves up.I know how you feel,i have been 'DIETING" since i was 12yrs. old it was a life consuming full time job i keep things undr control,somewhat, until the birth of my son lost it all and than now in peri bam... gained at least 30 lbs and like you i dont have the ambition(sp) to take it off yet i think about 24 hrs a day.I wonder if all this peri/meno stuff makes us stop and put things in perspective.I hope that when all of these crazy scary symptoms are gone and we can feel normal again we can then put ourselves first. i hope to have a different perspective of my self when this CRAP is over.Janlynn,hang in there and dont beat yourself up and absolutly dont feel stupid.
the last part about the dizzy was ment for someone else.Now whose stupid sorry.
sorry.
Hi all
I'm new here and cannot believe how common the symptoms are for this. I have gone through what most of you here have. I think I have sufferered for the last year and not realised it. In the last 6 months my life, as I knew it, changed. I became filled with extreme range. I began to talk to myself and cried all the time. My two beautiful girls (ages 21 & 23) stopped hanging out with me. They would leave the room when I got home from work. I would walk in the door and all the day's woes would come out and I would rant and rave about everything! I became sad about everything. My sex drive has taken a permanent vacation, which s*cks. I finally went to see my doctor and had a melt down in his office. I told him that I wanted to drive my car under an 18 wheeler and he decided to put me on anti depressants. They help with the rage that I had but the underlying problems are still there. Last week I became so stressed at work that when I got home I packed a bag and went to an hotel. My family called all night long but I felt I couldnt talk to them. My husband has had a close friendship with a woman at work (its been 10 years) and it never really bothered me before. Now It does and although I know he is not having an affair, their closeness bothers me - to the point where I have started to check how many times a day he talks to her on the phone and cant stand to hear her name mentioned. He tells me I am imagining things and it has started to affect our relationship. I guess it is anxiety and paranoia about my age affecting my looks and self image. I wasnt like this before and hate the panic attacks. My heart pounds so hard sometimes that I cant breathe. It is so sad but Im trying real hard to help myself.
I'm new here and cannot believe how common the symptoms are for this. I have gone through what most of you here have. I think I have sufferered for the last year and not realised it. In the last 6 months my life, as I knew it, changed. I became filled with extreme range. I began to talk to myself and cried all the time. My two beautiful girls (ages 21 & 23) stopped hanging out with me. They would leave the room when I got home from work. I would walk in the door and all the day's woes would come out and I would rant and rave about everything! I became sad about everything. My sex drive has taken a permanent vacation, which s*cks. I finally went to see my doctor and had a melt down in his office. I told him that I wanted to drive my car under an 18 wheeler and he decided to put me on anti depressants. They help with the rage that I had but the underlying problems are still there. Last week I became so stressed at work that when I got home I packed a bag and went to an hotel. My family called all night long but I felt I couldnt talk to them. My husband has had a close friendship with a woman at work (its been 10 years) and it never really bothered me before. Now It does and although I know he is not having an affair, their closeness bothers me - to the point where I have started to check how many times a day he talks to her on the phone and cant stand to hear her name mentioned. He tells me I am imagining things and it has started to affect our relationship. I guess it is anxiety and paranoia about my age affecting my looks and self image. I wasnt like this before and hate the panic attacks. My heart pounds so hard sometimes that I cant breathe. It is so sad but Im trying real hard to help myself.
Hi Sandy,
(((HUGS))) to you!!
I'm so sorry you're having these feelings. It is so hard to put up with this cr*p, isn't it???
Hon, I would feel EXACTLY like you do if my husband had a woman "friend" he was talking with several times a day! Regardless of how long they've known one another, etc., that kind of emotional intimacy should be reserved for YOU. And you need him right now! I would raise holy hell about this issue, myself. You must be a saint to have put up with it all this time.
Can you talk to your daughters about what you're going through? It might help them to know how hard this can be - they will be facing it themselves one day. Maybe then rather than leaving the room, they can come over and give you a big hug (or do something nice like fix you dinner!).
Girl, you need some support right now. Please be gentle with yourself, and help your family to understand what you need. It is very hard for us women to ask for help, or for nurturing, but dammit, after years of doing for others, we deserve to have it, too.
Welcome to the Power-Surge sisterhood! We hear what you are saying, and wish you well in all this. Let us know how you are doing.
Jacquie
(((HUGS))) to you!!
I'm so sorry you're having these feelings. It is so hard to put up with this cr*p, isn't it???
Hon, I would feel EXACTLY like you do if my husband had a woman "friend" he was talking with several times a day!
Regardless of how long they've known one another, etc., that kind of emotional intimacy should be reserved for YOU. And you need him right now! I would raise holy hell about this issue, myself. You must be a saint to have put up with it all this time.Can you talk to your daughters about what you're going through? It might help them to know how hard this can be - they will be facing it themselves one day. Maybe then rather than leaving the room, they can come over and give you a big hug (or do something nice like fix you dinner!).
Girl, you need some support right now. Please be gentle with yourself, and help your family to understand what you need. It is very hard for us women to ask for help, or for nurturing, but dammit, after years of doing for others, we deserve to have it, too.
Welcome to the Power-Surge sisterhood! We hear what you are saying, and wish you well in all this. Let us know how you are doing.
Jacquie
Im with Jacqui on the "friend" front -
The meno-monster takes no prisoners - including denial. 10 YEARS! - how hard this must have been .........no wonder you cant contain it any longer.
Glad you found this sight - its a safe place to unpack your baggage, take a break, seek new perspectives, learn new things, have a giggle, speak your mind and release your feelings and much much more.
Jacqui's right you need support.
Julie x
The meno-monster takes no prisoners - including denial. 10 YEARS! - how hard this must have been .........no wonder you cant contain it any longer.
Glad you found this sight - its a safe place to unpack your baggage, take a break, seek new perspectives, learn new things, have a giggle, speak your mind and release your feelings and much much more.
Jacqui's right you need support.
Julie x
Sandy ~ {{ BIG HUGS }}
You are taking good first steps in trying to help yourself. By finding this board, you can read excellent information as well as finding support.
I was having rage for a while. It seemed that everything was making me mad and I was constantly upset with my spouse
What I did to help myself is number one and this may sound corny but I took deep breaths and would count to 20.
Next, I would make sure that I got myself moving around and was doing something. Re-focusing my angry energy helps immensely.
I also had to realize that I needed to try very hard to control these feelings. Easier said then done I know
When you get in the 'grip' it is hard to break out.
I had my husband read several articles about perimenopause/menopause and afterwards we had a nice long discussion. I spoke about how I felt, how I felt out of control sometimes, depressed, lack of libido etc.
It was a productive conversation and both of us came away understanding how the other felt and most importantly he understands that I will not always be able to control things as I would like.
I also have taken responsibility of letting him know what I need of him as he can't read my mind. When I need space, I tell him as well as when I need lots of cuddles and snuggling
It doesn't always go smoothly, but its so much better than when I spent months being angry and snapping his head off.
Perhaps if you were to print up some articles for your family to read and then speak with each of them you will find and get the support that you need and deserve. They are all probably just as confused as you are.
As far as your husbands woman friend of 10yrs, you need to address this as well with your husband and let him know how it is making you feel right now. You know that old saying, "That was then this is now"?
You are a lovely woman and be sure to make time to pamper yourself. You are probably like most of us trying to keep up with everything and it just makes you more edgy.
I no longer push myself to get certain chores done at home that have always fallen on me to do *blah* I figure they will be there tomorrow and that my husband can pitch in and help. He does, but I have to tell him LOL. I wish he'd just see that something needs to be done and do it but there ya go
I'm wishing you the best and please let us know how you are doing
You are taking good first steps in trying to help yourself. By finding this board, you can read excellent information as well as finding support.
I was having rage for a while. It seemed that everything was making me mad and I was constantly upset with my spouse
What I did to help myself is number one and this may sound corny but I took deep breaths and would count to 20.
Next, I would make sure that I got myself moving around and was doing something. Re-focusing my angry energy helps immensely.
I also had to realize that I needed to try very hard to control these feelings. Easier said then done I know
When you get in the 'grip' it is hard to break out.I had my husband read several articles about perimenopause/menopause and afterwards we had a nice long discussion. I spoke about how I felt, how I felt out of control sometimes, depressed, lack of libido etc.
It was a productive conversation and both of us came away understanding how the other felt and most importantly he understands that I will not always be able to control things as I would like.
I also have taken responsibility of letting him know what I need of him as he can't read my mind. When I need space, I tell him as well as when I need lots of cuddles and snuggling
It doesn't always go smoothly, but its so much better than when I spent months being angry and snapping his head off.
Perhaps if you were to print up some articles for your family to read and then speak with each of them you will find and get the support that you need and deserve. They are all probably just as confused as you are.
As far as your husbands woman friend of 10yrs, you need to address this as well with your husband and let him know how it is making you feel right now. You know that old saying, "That was then this is now"?
You are a lovely woman and be sure to make time to pamper yourself. You are probably like most of us trying to keep up with everything and it just makes you more edgy.
I no longer push myself to get certain chores done at home that have always fallen on me to do *blah* I figure they will be there tomorrow and that my husband can pitch in and help. He does, but I have to tell him LOL. I wish he'd just see that something needs to be done and do it but there ya go
I'm wishing you the best and please let us know how you are doing
Hugs to you all - thank you so much for the kind words and the understanding I seek so desperately. I will keep you all up to date. I am trying to cook dinner right now so I have no time to myself. Thanks again - I have finally found friends who understand this madness!
Sandy
Sandy
Sandy,
Thanks for sharing. I seem to need to hear this over and over. I started today throwing-up and shaking. sometimes I wonder if there is something more wrong with me than just perimeno.
Someone described this as the Meno Monster. They're right, nothing is sacred. My husband actually found this sight for me. He has been not only supportive but reminds me when I need to get off the pity routine and just get living. It is so hard and sometimes so scary I just want to hide in bed.
I agree, try talking to your hubby and share this website with him.
Hang in there, we're here for you!
Thanks for sharing. I seem to need to hear this over and over. I started today throwing-up and shaking. sometimes I wonder if there is something more wrong with me than just perimeno.
Someone described this as the Meno Monster. They're right, nothing is sacred. My husband actually found this sight for me. He has been not only supportive but reminds me when I need to get off the pity routine and just get living. It is so hard and sometimes so scary I just want to hide in bed.
I agree, try talking to your hubby and share this website with him.
Hang in there, we're here for you!
Hi gals. Glad to find the board. I'm 15 years into menopause. Other than insomnia, it hasn't really been bad. My mom went through menopause at 35, so I counted myself blessed when it came at a normal time for me (age 50).
Some words on hot flashes... In German, the word for hot flashes is "hitze Welle"--heat wave, so when I flashed, I would sing a chorus of that old song, "We're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave." The hot flashes were never debiliating (I didn't take HRT) and faded out after a few years.
Some words on insomnia... My sleep pattern has never returned to normal, but I've found ways around the disruption. One thing I do is keep the radio on all night, with soft meditative music. If I wake up at 3AM, I incorporate the nice music in my revelry. I've learned how to get rest even when I don't get sleep.
Some words on osteoporosis... My GYN tried to talk me into HRT. I'm an MD myself and had done my own due diligence. I wasn't convinced. She used bone density to try to convince me of my need. Low and behold, I had the bones of a young maiden, even without HRT. One of the fringe benefits of bone density testing is the questionnaire that comes with the test about diet and lifestyle elements that influence calcium absorption and retention. I found that the questionnaire was a healthy reminder that served as a cheer leader to remind me of what I should be doing. Over the 15 years without HRT, my bone density that was already normal has improved by 7%. I'm convinced that's from attention to things like Tums, exercise, veggies, dairy products.
A word about fibbing on questionnaires...The first time I had a bone density, I was embarrassed by my non-compliance with what I knew to be healthy life style and didn't want to 'fess up on paper. But instead of fibbing, I wrote. "Whoops, you caught me! Thanks for the healthy reminder." And then I cleaned up my act. A few months later, I saw a lead article in the New England Journal of Medicine on lifestyle and bone density. The study was based on questionnaires of women taking the test. This study was a good reminder to me that I can hurt someone other than myself with what seemed to be a "little white lie." And I wondered how honest the women were who filled out the questionnaires for this study.
So, that's my story. And here I am still awake at 1AM. But I'm retired now, and can catch a nap tomorrow! Happy heat waves!
Some words on hot flashes... In German, the word for hot flashes is "hitze Welle"--heat wave, so when I flashed, I would sing a chorus of that old song, "We're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave." The hot flashes were never debiliating (I didn't take HRT) and faded out after a few years.
Some words on insomnia... My sleep pattern has never returned to normal, but I've found ways around the disruption. One thing I do is keep the radio on all night, with soft meditative music. If I wake up at 3AM, I incorporate the nice music in my revelry. I've learned how to get rest even when I don't get sleep.
Some words on osteoporosis... My GYN tried to talk me into HRT. I'm an MD myself and had done my own due diligence. I wasn't convinced. She used bone density to try to convince me of my need. Low and behold, I had the bones of a young maiden, even without HRT. One of the fringe benefits of bone density testing is the questionnaire that comes with the test about diet and lifestyle elements that influence calcium absorption and retention. I found that the questionnaire was a healthy reminder that served as a cheer leader to remind me of what I should be doing. Over the 15 years without HRT, my bone density that was already normal has improved by 7%. I'm convinced that's from attention to things like Tums, exercise, veggies, dairy products.
A word about fibbing on questionnaires...The first time I had a bone density, I was embarrassed by my non-compliance with what I knew to be healthy life style and didn't want to 'fess up on paper. But instead of fibbing, I wrote. "Whoops, you caught me! Thanks for the healthy reminder." And then I cleaned up my act. A few months later, I saw a lead article in the New England Journal of Medicine on lifestyle and bone density. The study was based on questionnaires of women taking the test. This study was a good reminder to me that I can hurt someone other than myself with what seemed to be a "little white lie." And I wondered how honest the women were who filled out the questionnaires for this study.
So, that's my story. And here I am still awake at 1AM. But I'm retired now, and can catch a nap tomorrow! Happy heat waves!
[quote=Juliann,Apr 19 2005, 11:19 PM]
I'm not an expert on the store bought dyes, so I can't tell you which is good. I only have experience with professional products that are sold to stylists only.
A few thoughts on dying grey/white hair.
1. Several studies have now documented increased risk of lymphoma (cancer of lymph glands) in women who use dark dyes, esp with henna in it.
2. Grey/white hair softens the effect of wrinkles
3. Grey/white hair disguises normal thinning of hair and pink scalp peeking through.
I'm not an expert on the store bought dyes, so I can't tell you which is good. I only have experience with professional products that are sold to stylists only.
A few thoughts on dying grey/white hair.
1. Several studies have now documented increased risk of lymphoma (cancer of lymph glands) in women who use dark dyes, esp with henna in it.
2. Grey/white hair softens the effect of wrinkles
3. Grey/white hair disguises normal thinning of hair and pink scalp peeking through.
Well, I entered peri late as I had my third baby at 43 and nursed for 5 years! So I went from lactation straight to peri. Had a surgery at 48 and another at 49 (not gyn related). I used to be so full of energy and confidence....I was even a model in my 20s. Although I "look" good, I feel like a wreck. Had my first hot flashes last week during my period (I'm 50) and night sweats. Also, had my first ever spotting between periods of my whole life. I definitely have general anxiety disorder. Was always prone to it, but now it is full blown. I'm getting Claire Week's book to work on it. I really don't want meds, but if the book doesn't help, I'll need them.
I homeschool my 7 and 10 year olds (oldest is 27) and I am not emotionally present the way I should be. Feel like I really need time alone. My husband is great about watching the kids at night so I can go get massage, go to library, etc. Problem is, by evening I'm wiped out.
Still, after reading these boards, I've decided to keep up with my hair color (not let the roots get an inch long because I just don't care). I feel like it will help me mentally to make an effort to look nicer. Also, I invited company over tomorrow. I used to entertain a lot , but now rarely. I feel more human when I interact with people, even though my inclination is to be a hermit.
I'm really sad about the loss of my youth. I know it has been gone for a long time, but I've been so busy with the kids I didn't notice until now. It all went so fast. I never thought about old age when I was young....not until my forties really. I pushed it out of my mind always because it seemed so unpleasant. Well, now here it is. Maybe it would have been easier if I hadn't been in denial my whole life. All this of course, causes one to face mortality for real. I'm trying to be more gentle with myself and others now. We're all in this life together.
MIchal
I homeschool my 7 and 10 year olds (oldest is 27) and I am not emotionally present the way I should be. Feel like I really need time alone. My husband is great about watching the kids at night so I can go get massage, go to library, etc. Problem is, by evening I'm wiped out.
Still, after reading these boards, I've decided to keep up with my hair color (not let the roots get an inch long because I just don't care). I feel like it will help me mentally to make an effort to look nicer. Also, I invited company over tomorrow. I used to entertain a lot , but now rarely. I feel more human when I interact with people, even though my inclination is to be a hermit.
I'm really sad about the loss of my youth. I know it has been gone for a long time, but I've been so busy with the kids I didn't notice until now. It all went so fast. I never thought about old age when I was young....not until my forties really. I pushed it out of my mind always because it seemed so unpleasant. Well, now here it is. Maybe it would have been easier if I hadn't been in denial my whole life. All this of course, causes one to face mortality for real. I'm trying to be more gentle with myself and others now. We're all in this life together.
MIchal
A nice post, Michal.
You sound like a very dedicated person, homeschooling your little ones, and trying to make the effort with entertaining, keeping looking nice, etc. I know what you mean, BTW - in our 30's and 40's, my hub and I had many dinner parties here. Now - it's been 2 years since we've had anyone except my daughter over!
The fantasy is that when this crap is over, we can resume those things we enjoyed with some GUSTO.
Wishing you well.
Jacquie
You sound like a very dedicated person, homeschooling your little ones, and trying to make the effort with entertaining, keeping looking nice, etc. I know what you mean, BTW - in our 30's and 40's, my hub and I had many dinner parties here. Now - it's been 2 years since we've had anyone except my daughter over!
The fantasy is that when this crap is over, we can resume those things we enjoyed with some GUSTO.
Wishing you well.
Jacquie
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