Hey Jacquie,

Ahhhh, you yelled at the dog???? Mommy's having a bad hair day???

I suppose I should have warned you about "next day hair". Its totally normal, just like all the girls here have said, it takes awhile to get used to new layers. The hair really does need to be trained. I ALWAYS tell ladies who want a "new look" to be patient with it. This is even true for a new hair color, let it all be, for about a week, and get used to it.

When blow drying the hair, I have a three step process that will help you. I take the hair into 3 sections. On each side, from behind the ear forward, I clip it, then I clip the back. So you have three clips holding your hair in three seperate bundles. Take the first side, let down some hair and use round brush, put the bristles close to scalp and pull away, dryer is always blowing down on the hair shaft, not up, and not all over. Straight down following the brush. Each section is blowed dried this way. It will slightly curve under. Geez this is hard to explain on this format, but I hope you can understand it. If you do it organized, it will get done faster and better than just hit and miss. A perfect doo everytime.

Don't be discouraged, it will be okay!!!!

Son brought the ring by the house tonight, he is going to engage Darla tommorrow at dinner. The ring is beautiful!!!! Princess cut style. I got teary eyed, almost smeared my sunscreen, lol.

Everyone down this way has been sick, awful colds going around, take care of yourself, hugs~Jules

Hi Joline,

Thanks for the soy information, I will check it out, maybe its what I need. This has been the first chance I've had in a long time to think about ME. The last few years have been much more than I could handle stress wise. I'm sure its a bit of everything. Thanks so much, Jules

Jules,

As you explain it, that is EXACTLY what the young woman who blowdried my hair did - clipped parts of it, and then used a round brush while blowdrying from the TOP. I just kind of aimed the blowdryer at my face and let it blast.

Can't get over how many people have mentioned the "day-after-a-haircut syndrome!" It's been a surprise. The thing about having a blunt cut for years, is that you wash it, stick your head upside-down and blow the roots, stand up and - done! But it was looking so oldish - like an old little girl!

I haven't washed it today - I have a cold and am still in pj's at 4:00 in the afternoon. But I like it again, now that the layers aren't so "poufed out!"

I called the hairdresser yesterday and asked for blow-drying advice, and he said not to be overly enthusiastic about blowdrying. To get the hair mostly towel-dry (not difficult with very thin hair), and then gently blowdry while moving the hair around with my fingers. He said to not dry completely - leave it very slightly damp. Tomorrow I'll toy around with all this. I don't have a round brush right now, but will pick one up at the drugstore.

Okay, enough about the hair!!! Thank you all SO MUCH for the advice and the indulgence! You are the BEST!!!


Jules, it is LOVELY that your boy is going to ask Darla to marry him. SOOO SWEET. Wish I was a fly on the wall....

Don't you just LOVE love????

Jacquie.......You said you were getting a cold. Have you tried airborne? It is in the cold medicine dept of drug stores or grocery stores. They are like alkaseltzer tablets and you put one in a small glass of water and drink it every 3 to 4 hours when you first feel a cold coming on. It is all natural and contains 17 herbs and nutrients including vitamin A, vitamin C, Vitamin E, Potassium, Manganese, Selenium, Magnesium, Riboflavin, Zinc, Amino Acids, ginger. My family swears by it. It was created by a schoolteacher who was sick with colds all winter long when she was teaching primary grades. At the first sign of a cold I start it and the cold that used to last 10 days (I have asthma) now last at a maximum of 4 days and not bad at all. If you can't find it there in Maine, let me know and I will send you some.

During this thread several of you mention about the fatigue and how you just get worn out. I don't know if I'm just at a place in my life that I don't see any relief in sight. I think it is because at almost 54 (next month) I am not where I thought I would be. I thought I would be gearing down to a different stage in my life but not the case. My husband and I are raising a 7 year old grandson (have had him since in was approximately 6 months old) and of course this is after raising 4 daughters. When he first came to live with us I was 47 and seemed to have alot more energy. But 7 years makes a huge difference. Plus I have an 81 year old mother whose health is failing and requires alot more care. I work full time as an office manager and can't really afford to leave because all the health insurance comes through me because my husband is self employed and becasue of our ages and that he had cancer 18 months ago but no sign of recurrence.....the cost would be more than we could bare.

I feel like I go constantly and there is no down time. I look at this beautiful little boy who is full of innocence and brings so much joy and love to our family and I get frustrated with myself because I just don't have the energy to do the things with him like I did with the girls. I'm not complaining.....I guess I'm venting.....

Losing the gusto I once had is so frustrating. Will it ever come back? Will I ever have the friskiness with my husband that I once had? l

Hey Jacquie,

Your sound better, and your stylist sounds like he gave you some simple and good advice, heck, try everything and see what works!!!!

After working today, I treated myself to a facial, the wonderful lady that works with us is great. She gave me an hour and a half facial. She even massaged my hands and feet, awwwwwh!!! I was in heaven.

This might be something you should consider???? Its really soothing. Or even a body massage.

No word yet about the engagement, I guess I will here about it tommorrow, yes love is beautiful.

Hope your feeling better with your cold, and taking it easy!

Love, Jules

Hi Gramz,

I couldn't not respond to your post, oh how I can relate to the busyness of life, and wow your plate is also very full. You are doing OVERTIME with rasing yet another child. I can read the love in your heart for this boy, I think you deserve a big hug, for all that you do!!!!!

I wish I had the answers, but I'm just like you, wondering why I can't be like I used to be, its maddening!!! I am learning, from the ladies here, to take it one day at a time, and be kinder to myself (it helps those around me).

Have a great day, Jules

Do you get any help from your boys Mum Gramz?

Ladies, if you want to really treat yourselves have your hands waxed (feet too is good). It feels wonderful as you are wrapped up while the parafin wax softens your skin.

What was I like before peri? Well I don't like to think about because it makes me miss the old me more. But lets see... I was a well contented single mom of two great kids. Loved reading, watching movies and spending time with family and friends. I was happy. Didn't think much about meno. Knew it was coming some day but probably not until I was 50 and then periods would stop and I would have hot flashes. And that would be it. On with life. Well... age 40 came and periods all of a sudden became strange. Nothing I couldn't handle. Fast forward to about 8 months ago at age 44 1/2 and I got hit with full blown peri. Didn't realize what it was until I googled 'anxiety' which brought me here. Guess I'm not dying after all.I want to feel content with my life again. Just to be able to curl up with a good book and to SLEEP. Some day...

Gramz,

Your post really moved me. I can understand your disappointment at not having the energy for your grandson that you did for your daughters. But you can offer him something different - the tenderness and quiet of a loving grandma. My own grandmother wasn't very hands-on (she had a child still in diapers when I came along), but she was THERE. I loved watching westerns on TV with her, LOL. Or just sitting on the porch steps talking.

Have you ever thought of contacting the Big Brothers organization? It might be nice for your grandson to make a connection with someone who'll do more active things with him, like sports, or taking him out to eat, etc.

Also, do your daughters ever take him for a period of time to give you a break? Does he have cousins he can do "sleepovers" with? My daughter was an only child, and it was often lovely when she had friends come to the house for sleepovers, and they'd amuse each other!

Just reading everything you're responsible for makes me feel worn out! Just want to be the voice that reminds you to take any quiet time for yourself that you can.

What our children want more than anything is love - you know. Just "be" with your little guy. Do your best, and then tell him, grandma needs a rest time now. Children understand more than we realize.

Bless your heart, Gramz.

Hi Jules,

You know, I wondered if your salon had other services such as facials. It seems more and more are going this route, offering all kinds of pampering and body care. Lovely!

I have an idea that, if you had the energy , would probably make you a billion dollars.

Start a chain of salons for "older" women. These would be full of services and products for aging hair/skin. Lessons on how graying hair changes texture. Natural approaches for hair loss, etc. Supplements & shampoos, perhaps. Makeup lessons - dealing with "turkey-wattle throat," or how to camouflage a drooping mouth. "What hormonal fluctuations can do to your skin..." Color and wardrobe advice: How to dress appropriately as the body changes - shifting attention away from an expanding tummy, etc.

Guess it comes out of my wish that I could just walk into a salon and say HEEELLLLLP, and be met by a group of specialists who know EXACTLY what I need help with! (And no 22-year-old Tatianas ) Just head-to-toe, make me the very best I can be without actual plastic surgery. Nice, natural products.

Just a thought!


P.S. How'd the engagement go?

Hi Jacquie....thanks for the kind loving words. Andrew's mom is a special needs child of 31 who lives on her own which is what she wants and we have a conservatorship on her so that we pay her bills and give her spending money. She works at a Walgreens drug store stocking shelves and enjoys being productive. She enjoys the independence that she has. She just did not have the cognitive skills and she is mildly austistic so she was not able to really bond with Andrew or to care for him and that became evident in the first few months. He is such a kind little soul who understands that his mom loves him but that she is slow and cannot take care of him. He has such empathy for those who are challenged whether it be physical or mental. He is and will be a fine young man. Our oldest daughter is 33, engaged to a man with two children. She works full time and attends University of Phoenix finishing up with her degree. She is a HR specialist at a large company and she is just the best daughter and has become such a good friend. They have the kids three weeks a month and so they will invite Andrew over for a sleep over and take him bowling, or minature golfing and he loves it. Our third daughter is 25 and was just accepted into nursing school so she has a busy, active life and our youngest is 20, lives with a couple of other girls and goes to beauty school. All of them have busy hectic lives and because of that I never ask for help. Which is part of my problem. Super woman who has always been able to do it all in the past and now that I have fizzled out I guess I really don't know how to ask for help. My hubby whom Andrew calls Papa is crazy about him and they do so many things together. He was assistant little league coach last year and again this year and helps coach his soccer so he really does remain very busy and active in Andrews life. We have a pool (we live in Sunny California) and they swim together alot so luckily for Andrew he has a young acting pop who trys to keep up with him.

Perhaps it is where I am at in this stage of my life.....I'm looking at the glass as half empty rather than half full. I don't know where my energy went but the fatigue is just so dramatic at times. It comes out of nowhere and everything seems like an effort. Helping to care for my mom this last year has been tough so perhaps part of it is depression. I have had horrible anxiety for years but the menopause has made it so much worse. Perhaps it is our generation. We help care for our grandkids and we help care for our parents. I look in the mirror these days and its like where did I go? Where is that youthful person who had so much zest for life? Where is the romantic person I use to be? I really miss that part of my life. Going off the hormones 2 years ago has caused the old libido to really take a hike and at night just falling in bed to sleep is about the most I seem to be able to muster. Will I ever find me again. I sometimes feel sorry for myself and think it is becasue all my energy is taken up with raising a little boy at this stage of my life....but then I come here and read and realize that so many of you feel the same way who are not raising another child. And then I look at this little guy who will wrap his little arms around my neck after we say our prayers at night and he tells me that he loves me all the way to God. He melts my heart and I feel such guilt for complaining.

I love this site because it helps to know that others will listen, will understand offer advise and not judge me. It is a safe haven and a place to share. Thank you all for just being there.

Gramz,
First let me say thank-you for your contributions on the humor board, really gave me a laugh.
Your life sounds so much like my sister who also was raising her grandson. Like my sister you have so many people depending on you for so much that it is very important that you take care of yourself. My sister got so involved in taking care of others that she neglected herself and died last year of a massive stroke at age 55. I miss her and now all the people that depended so much on her are struggling. Anyway just a reminder to take care of yourself too. You sound like you have a wonderful family. Good Luck. God Bless.
Dee

Superwoman,

In case no one has told you lately, you are an extraordinary woman.

Your understanding of your daughter - your grandson's mom, and the generous spirit you extend to HER needs and capacities is deeply moving. You consider the lives of each of your daughters in a way that makes it clear you understand that our children deserve lives of their own as they get older. What a GIFT to them.

It sounds to me like you and your husband are giving this boy a wonderful life. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about! You've earned your place in heaven, so it's time for you to relax and do some wonderful things for yourself.

My daughter surprised me when I was very depressed last year. She just showed me a tender side that was so sweet - I've always been the one who's "there" for her. Don't hesitate to let your daughters know when you need some gentleness. They may appreciate the opportunity to show you how special you are to them.

It can't be easy to have added to your hectic days the care of your mom. Do you have brothers or sisters who help with this at all? We are just beginning to go thru' this with my husband's mom now, who lives next door. It is frightening, and challenging. Bless you.

You've probably noticed from the posts here how many of us have had the kind of fatigue you mention. Not to make light of it, but for me, this has gotten SO MUCH BETTER! I believe it will for us all, in time. You've got so much going on...

Please, Gramz, don't be hard on yourself about what you're not "up to." Your days are full, you've got lots of responsibilities. Turn a little of that generous spirit to yourself - Honey, you DESERVE IT.

Jacquie

Gramz - ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

I just want to echo EVERYTHING that Jacqui has said. Your EXTRAORDINARY heart shines through every word youve written.

Julie x

Gramz, I agree that your plate is very full, and the fatigue thing is lurking around every corner, I wake up with it daily, and it really bugs me to lose so much energy everyday. Whats a women to do???

Your writings show a wonderful heart, and your doing the right thing, I'm glad your here with all of us and continue to share cause we are listening, and can relate. Bless you, Jules

JACQUIE,

A billion dollar market????? Well, yes that would be cool to have such a staff, but currently I can barely make it through the day, lol. I think the "stars" have fallen out of my eyes this past year. Everything seems so "hard".

Anyway hows your hair doing???? Are we making progress???

The engagement went very well, they were both just all smiles when I saw them on Sunday. He took her to a nice resturant overlooking the city lights, after dinner, he got down on one knee (yes he did) and proposed.

Had my own hair done today, color/cut. I tried a new style with more layers (thought of you) lol.

Have a great day, Jules

Hey Jules,

You got a new "do," too! Did someone from your salon do it? When you own a salon, do you have "favorite" hairstylists, or just think they all similarly wonderful? Somehow I imagine some folks would be better working with certain types of hair, or particular styles of cuts, etc. Is this true?

I'm back to liking the hair. It looks different every day! Sometimes the layers pouf in; other days out. But it's an improvement from that sad little bob. I've taken to not blow-drying it, as it dries on its own so very quickly. I just roll away with my round brush, LOL, and in about 5 minutes - voila! Hub likes it.

Hey, I want to ask you: I'm looking at the price tags for Bumble & Bumble stuff. Is it really worth the expense? Is there a good, basic, less expensive shampoo for thin babyfine hair? There are so many varieties of things, it makes my head spin.

I remember when I was a kid, you had a choice of Breck (ummm- nice smell), Prell (pretty green stuff), and a big ole' jug of pink liquid you could get at Kresge's. And no such thing as conditioner!

Aw, your son is SWEEEEEEEEET! Lucky girl! How beautiful that he got down on one knee! Brings tears to my eyes. Are they anxious to set a date, or will they wait awhile? Gee, you'll have to give us the clothing scoop for the next round, LOL. We have a nephew getting married in June, and my hub will take the photos. I CAN'T WAIT. Weddings make me deliriously happy - just a romantic old fool!

And this time you don't have to have that mother-of-the-bride post. I've always felt the MOTB role is the 2nd most important one in a wedding (who really notices the groom?).

Oh, dear, realizing this might make Alice anxious!

Jules, I'm so sorry you have this awful fatigue. All I can offer is my own experience, and say that it passed. It was a haul, that sense of having to climb a mountain every day - but it's gone now. PRAYING this will be true for you soon.

Take good care!

Jacquie

Jacquie.......I remember reading your post almost a year ago when you were suffering with the terrible depression and I read what you post now and what a difference. You should be so proud of yourself for how far you have come. You are just so full of love and warmth and you can read it in all your messages. One just smiles when they think of you!! and by the way.....thank you for all your kind words and support.

Jules....Being on your feet all day doing hair has got to be a tough one. I would think that it is tough at times because people come in with a picture and they want you to make them look like the picture. Probably like what a plastic surgeon goes through. However the plastic surgeon gets a whole lot more money!! Thanks for your kind words and I hope the fatigue subsides.

Hi Jacquie,

Yes I do like certain people to work on my hair, there is always someone for everyone, lol. My cut and color came out good, and I am really liking the new cut, its given me a lift, I think I really needed one.

Yes the Bumble & Bumble is pricey, but it all depends on your pocketbook, if you like to shop around, go to a beauty supply store and look at other lower costing products. Stay away from store brands (really). They contain lots of waste products that are cheap to make and tend to dry hair out, and strip color. Stick with the good brand names. You get what you pay for!!!!!

There are lots of products designed for fine hair, there's a big market for these items. Check out Matrix, Redken, Goldwell or Scruples. Abba is also very nice, I don't really know what you have out there. But try somethin new!!! We've come a long way from Prell and Breck!!!!

Now I have a question for you, do you think that my fatigue would possibly be helped by antidepressants???? I was thinking about it today, now that my hubby is on the lexapro, he seems to "want" to do things, where I just drag myself to do things. I wonder if its not only peri, but that peri could trigger some "depression" espcially when I had such a major stressful year, I think it does deplete our brain chemicals???? Do you think???

For the most part I am doing fine, my flashes are not there now, I am sleeping somewhat better, eating is okay, but just my mood is flat, seems like its that way from the time I awake, all day. Its like nothing changes there for me. Hummmm, it is puzzling to me. I bought some cream called "Gentle Changes", I sell it at the Salon, its a great progesterone cream, I'm thinking to give it a try, some of the ladies say its wonderful. Maybe???

Anyway, the billion dollar project will have to wait, at any rate, I will be the "free" hair consultant right here!!!! Love it.

Hugs to you, Jules

Thanks Gramz, for your kind words. Yeah I wish, infact we all wish we could be paid like the cosmetic surgeons, wow!!!! I am full up to my earlobes with my little business. It has taught me much about managing people, chosing my battles and most of all self control.

I do love what I do, its a passion with me, so this "peri" thing has been really rough, because it seems to rob me of my passion, it draws me down alot lately. I feel for everyone here, and I truly understand that we all need encouragement to get us through this time and passage.

Hugs~Jules

Dear Free Hair Consultant, (Jules)
I have very very thick hair. Last time I had it cut they cut it short. What I wanted at the time but know I look better in longer hair. I just thought having it short would keep it under control. My hair is so thick that I can look like a bush at times plus it is course and wavy not kinky or really curly. Any advice? also I have very dry hair.

I also have the terrible fatigue that makes everything such a chore to do with no joy. I use to enjoy life and everything is so flat now, except for my hair of course. You should see it when the wind blows I look like a tumbleweed from Wyoming.

Thanks Jules. I hope things get better.

Oh my Lassie, this free hair consultant thing is really taking off for me, lol.

This thick course wavy hair, is very difficult. My daughter has it, and we use lots of product on it, and flat Iron it daily. Yes in sections. You need to do some work, it you want the results. If you are not interested in doing the work, nothing on earth will help you.

Redken makes some good products, one is called "Butter Treatment" its in the Smooth Down line. It helps smooth the hair while blow drying it, plus you need a anti frizz serum like "Glass" by Redken. This together with Flat Ironing will make your hair shinny and glossy. If you need more info let me know, but it will take an effort on your part to do this. Whatever area you live in, check with your salon, and ask for smoothing type products!!! If you live near humidity, then get the Anti-humidity type products, which repell moisture, that makes hair frizz.

I myself, have medium thick hair, not to course, but its getting there from some grey thats coming in more and more. Everyday, I run my flat Iron through it, and my hair shines and always looks good. I teach my clients the secret!!!! It costs them to know this stuff, your getting it for FREE!!!!

Hope this helps, Jules

Jules, Thanks so much and hope I didn't take advantage of your kindness. I know your busy all day with this stuff and then I ask for free advice. It's like Drs I guess who people meet at parties and want free medical advice at least that's what happens on the movies. I will try to find some of the products you recommended and give the ironing a thought. I'm not sure if I am ready to devote that much time to it. Thank you for your advice

:lol:HI! I'm pretty new to P-S. I just spent part of the morning reading these eleven pages of posts. You are all so very great! I'm glad to be able to be a part of your sharing with each other. After reading this, I am giving myself permission to go buy a good book, chocolate, and curl up in the bed for a while and enjoy.

Oh, JudyMac, you're getting into the Power-Surge spirit of things!


Jules,

I honestly don't know if the antidepressants would effect the feelings of fatigue. When I got on them, I was suffering with severe depression, so for me the lift was SUBSTANTIAL! But I still have "slow" days when I'm not up to the usual activities. It seems to come in cycles - a couple of weeks of good energy, and then the necessity of taking things slower. Frustrating when you have a big event on a slow day!

I never get the debilitating fatigue I used to, however, so possibly the Lexapro has helped that. There was a period there where I was barely able to get thru' making dinner - it was scary!

I know what you mean about the "flat" sensations, and believe it is DEFINITELY peri related. I've always been a big lover of life, and when I began to lose real enthusiasm for things, it was VERY upsetting. That has eased on the medication. Not back up to my old high highs, but I'm back to enjoying things, perhaps in a "quieter" way than before.

It sounds like your hub does well with the Lexapro. What caused him to get on it? Just wondering whether he had severe depression, or generalized anxiety?

I know this fatigue is hard on you, where you have a business to run, and obviously would like a little fun when not working! It might be worth talking with your doctor. Meanwhile, are you taking enough rest time at home? I keep trying to remind myself, also, that it's normal to slow down a bit as we age. It's hard to accept when we've always been active!

Take good care. It's a tough decision, the anti-depressant thing. Sure seems worth trying the progesterone cream - some women on this site swear by it!

(((HUGS)))



Jacquie

and said she did not have a clue and that she needed to think about these things.

What kind of stomach and/or digestive dysfunctions have any of you had that you have chalked up to peri, meno, post? Any blood sugar trials and tribs? Am very interested in any enlightenment any of you can give.

Hi Judy, I can only speak for me, but this past year I had to go on the Acidreflex meds. Everything I ate, just plain hurt, heartburn like unbelieveable. I've never ever had it until this past year. Can't eat to late, can't eat to heavy, all of a sudden I am limited. I also have had IBS, it comes and goes. Sometimes my colon is spasmic??? I don't even know why, but it will act up and then go away for months. Hope this helps Take care, Jules


Jacquie,

Thanks so much for your post, it does make sense what you said. I am due to start the "cream" on friday, so I'll let you know if anything happens with that. Today I actually felt kinda good (rare, huh???). So it gives me a glimmer of hope that its all just hormones and it will take time to figure some of it out.

You asked about hubby and lexapro, he was in chronic pain for about 12 yrs. This was a major problem, he didn't handle it very well, he was on lots of pain killers, and basically I think he just about gave up. I think he wanted to die. The depression had set in really bad for the past 4 yrs. Its something that happens and gets worse and yet we are all wondering what to do???? When he had the surgery last year, it just made him more depressed because he didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, neither did I. Suddenly, God smiled upon us, and the doc put him on lexapro, and he just did a 360 turn. Then that ushered in all these other changes, exercising, no more pain meds, its just a miracle to me!!!!!

He is doing much better, of course not pain free, but hey, he is happy and wants to live again, what a relief, to see a person come full circle and make it!!!!!

All this has been a huge stress factor on me, I felt like hey, I didn't sign up for this mental challenge for 12 years, never knowing what was going to happen. The worst part was knowing that the pain and suffering was taking over our marriage, in everyway, nothing was left. It was truly a mess.

This is probably more than you ever wanted to know, but it just is bottled up inside, the whole thing has been a long road. I know you'll understand, and maybe even to know that hopes and prayers do get answered, in his timing!!!!

Love to you, Jules

Lassie,

((((hope I didn't burst your bubble, with my advice)))))

Sometimes a nice product, will even help to make your hair feel better, give it a shot??? A good home treatment, you can buy these packets that are filled with protein and moisture. Check out the beauty supplies!!!

Jules

Sorry to read your post Jules but at least now you've got rid of the baggage by talking about it.

My husband had a heart attack at 43, then had a bad fall from the top of a three storey stairwell (minus the stairs, he's in building). Thankfully the fact that he has some fat on him saved his life as his shoulders prevented him from hitting his head. He is also now type2 diabetic.

He totally pissed me off telling people after his accident that he's always been lucky,, purely because he makes no attempt to make his life healthier and because it's me that picks up the mess and sorts it out, getting myself in trouble with my own employer at the time!

Judy,Judy,Judy... I too suffered from stomach upsets, affected by certain foods that would instantly trigger diarrea, though they never did before. I took a good quality acidophilus bifidus, which I think helped.

Women and Anger
A Common & Difficult Problem During Menopause
Help For Women Whose Hormones Are Raging
And Whose Lives Are Negatively Impacted By Anger

March 31, 2005
9 PM (ET), 6 PM (PT)
Women & Anger Specialist
Laura Petracek, Ph.D.
In Power Surge Live!

/experts2.htm#petracek
Laura Petracek, Ph.D.

Laura Petracek, Ph.D., is assistant professor of Clinical Psychology at National University in Sacramento, CA. She maintains a private practice in San Francisco. Dr. Petracek's new book, The Anger Workbook for Women: How to Keep Your Anger from Undermining Your Self-Esteem, Your Emotional Balance, and Your Relationships. This workbook addresses the unique concerns of women with anger problems.

Dr. Petracek says, "Rigid social patterning conditions many women to stifle or deny their anger, and this repression can cause a range of other psychological problems. Others experience violent, outwardly focused anger." Whichever pattern your anger follows, this book provides a powerful set of anger management tools. Cognitive behavioral and attitude adjustment exercises help you limit the power of anger-triggering situations. Worksheets and assessments guide you in an examination of family-of-origin issues that might contribute to your problems with anger. Sections of the workbook explore the connection between anger and substance abuse, mood disorders, and spirituality, as well as the issue of domestic violence.

FREE copies of
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Join Dr. Laura Petracek, March 31th in
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Jules - it broke my heart reading your story.....Youve been through all that (and more Im sure) yet you're still in touch with your gracious heart !!

BTW - theres never too much information in soul-ful relationships .........

Much love and respect ..

Julie x

Jules,

I do remember now your talking about your husband's struggles. Thank GOD the Lexapro has helped him. Living with chronic pain is a terrible thing. People have been driven to suicide by this - that he was able to hang on for 12 years is something else. He must, on some level, be tough as nails.

Oh, if only we knew when we cheerfully utter those vows: "In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer..." How do we fully understand as young healthy people what this really means?

You surely put in some big years with all this.

What changes - hub does a 360, kids leave home... They don't need you in the same way. Now, it's JULES' turn. What wonderful things will you do for yourself?

Because you have EARNED it, Girl...

Thanks for all your inputs. I do remember feeling better when downing a couple of cups of this Russian yogurt daily that had aciddolpholis(sp?) bifidus and others added. Perhaps I shall go back to that. Thanks. Sometimes when I am in the middle of things not working as they should my memory does not kick in as to what worked before. Thanks for the jog! You all have a beautiful day, and I'll check with you later. Love you guys already. You all have been a immense blessing. I finally feel connected again with my feet on the ground--not crazy-up-in-the-air-let's-go-to-the-ER mindset. Byyyyeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

You can also buy them in capsule form Judy. Much more fun than not wanting to be too far from the toilet!

Thanks Everyone for the kind words and understanding, you are precious sisters to me!!!!

Loneliness in a marriage is indeed a very hard instrument to play!!!! Many are doing it and living it, if anyone understands, its those of us that have been there!!!

On the brightside, its fun to learn how to live again. I'm really kinda stuck in my mode, and little by little I laugh more and play more. Its been healing. Then of course just as things pick up, peri hits me, lol!!!!! God must have a sense of humor. I think that life is like a puzzle, one piece at a time, and we get to figure out where it should go.

Thanks Jacquie, Alice and Juliex!!!!!

Love and Hugs~Jules

Dear Ladies,
As I have been reading your posts, you've made me laugh and cry and feel like there is hope after all! I feel like that I'm done with doctors for the time being. I've seen so many and feel like it's been such a waste of time. I'm astounded that I've not yet found one that knows anything about peri-menopause and it sounds like all the ones most of you have been to, know very little either. Isn't it funny that there are probably thousands & thousands of women like us but no real clear way to handle it yet there are so many new versions of viagra out there!?
I'm learning to be less hard on myself in my failures to get things done, to find my car in the parking lot (HA) and in dropping and breaking things among many others!
I have a hard time with feeling guilty about not being able to do the things I used to- but this site is really helping in that area too. I guess one of the biggest things that bugs me (aside from not sleeping well) is how angry I get at times. I've always been pretty layed back but now I feel like Ulma Therman in" KILL BILL "when someone crosses me or wastes my time. I really feel like kicking A.....!
Sometimes I just even yell at people on the phone! I feel like a barbarian! I guess I need to go for a run (more like a slow waddle these days) or do something physical to get it out of my system! Any way, I don't always have a lot to say, but I really enjoy reading about how you all handle these PM issues.
Thanks ,
Lucette

Glad to see you posting GardenGal and welcome!!!

Your friend from insta-chat

Cathy

Hi Lucette - Welcome to PS .............. SLOW WADDLE .....LMHO

Lucette,

That is a REALLY pretty name. My mum is Lucienne. Lovely French names.

So glad you have found us!



Jules,

It is a thrash isn't it, just as we think we're changing in interesting ways, new things percolating in our lives, we're also hit with peri! But there are those blessed good days, and we KNOW better things are coming.

I BELIEVE.

Cathy , Julie, & Jacquie,
Thanks for the warm welcome. It's nice to know that there is a place where real people understand. I've yet to read so much on this site that I know will further enlighten me about all this! If any of you have any other tips of good places to check out - I'm all ears (and eyes). I couldnt believe it when I read about the soles of your feet being sore (primarily your heals! ) Because I couldn't figure out what I had done to cause that! Then it goes away for awhile then boom I get my period and it's back! With the heart palps I have to lay flat on my back and deep breathe and sometimes hold my breath and bear down really hard to make it stop. Once I was at a street art show and had to go back to the car with the kids in tow, recline the seat all the way back and do my breathing. I'm glad the kids are older and didn't freak out about it! Any way I'm really glad I did find you all!

Lucette

Hi Lucette, So glad you are hear with us!!!! I have a new saying lately myself, I think everyone is "stuck on dumb". I also get irritated, well, I've always been somewhat impatient (to be fare about this), but now its Attila the Hun at times, lol.

Now since Jacquie has reminded me to know that good days come and go, I am tracking my daily moods. I think it will show a cycle of some sort??? As I have experienced 3 good days in a row ((((yep)))). Thats been unheard of for me in the past year. So I am cautiously awaiting falling back into the tank, of fatigue and for lack of a better word, the yuks!!!!

I have learned so much here, found friends, and a caring place to come and chat with those who understand this phase in life. Its a blessing!!!!


JACQUIE, A quick hello, I was wondering if the snow is letting down a bit for you??? The weekends here, are you babysitting those lovely girls??? Or does grandma get to rest??? My daughters coming home on Wednesday for 2 wks to visit, she's home sick, ahhhhh!!!! I miss her lots.
Love and Hugs, Jules (sunscreen back on!!!!! )

Hi Jules,

Hey, watch that irritation when you've got the scissors in your hands! Yikes!

Daughter's coming on Wednesday? Get ready to spoil her. That's what I do when it's been awhile (and we live close by!), take her out to eat and otherwise just adore her. Even when she's getting on my nerves!

You've had 3 good days!!!! That is GREAT. There is DEFINITELY a cycling that goes on. I see it too - good days and bad, but sooooo nice not to be re-entering the gates of hell. Like the cycles are smoothing out along the way.

We still have no need of sunscreen here. But yes, the snow is melting....

My daughter is in North Carolina right now - her family went down to celebrate her in-laws' 50th wedding anniversary. Last early evening she called and said my littlest granddaughter (22 months) had found a toy phone and was talking to me in it, so she thought she'd like to say hi in person. She put Tula on and I heard:

HEWWWWO MEMAYYYY! (Memere, which is short for Grandmere - I'm French)

Soooo cute! Made my night.

Girl, you enjoy your raised spirits and sunshine!!!


Lucette,

That's a great story about lugging the kids back to the car so you could recline and deep breathe!! Talk about the resourcefulness of mothers!!!

Have a good Saturday, friends!!


Jacquie

Jacquie,
That is such a cute story about your grandaughter. I don't have any yet- which is good because my daughter is only 16. I got a late start in life. Too many adventures I guess. I'm seriously thinking about volunteering in our church nursery because the little ones really seem to lift my spirits too. They are so sweet an innocent and it reminds me that life carries on.(Had ALOT of deaths in the family over the past two years)
Yeah, about the deep breathing- I guess we are nothing if not innovative through this journey huh?!

Jules,

What a funny mind picture- Atilla the Hun going off to battle with barber scissors in hand!
Take care all
Lucette

Before MENOPAUSE (& Depression)

I was a nice person

I was fun

I was physically attractive

I was physicall active

I could think

I was pleasant to be around

I was not fat

I was not lazy

I could remember things

I was productive

I could work

I felt sexy

I loved my husband

I loved my life

Now I hate everything about me


I just needed to vent



Donna

Hi Lucette, i have the same experiences as you. I find listening to my favorite songs ( the ones in my yonger days, not todays kind of music) & daydreaming helps. Also relaxation. Welcome aboard PS

Oh Jacquie, French is such a romantic language, do you speak it??? Your granddaughter sounds very cute, and I love her name. It does just melt your heart!!!

Well today is day four on the progesterone cream and I don't feel anything different, infact the fatigue wandered back in today, its monday and I'm still not fully even dressed at 2:45pm. I know that the cream will take even a couple months to show results, but hey I was hoping for a miraculous cure!!!!

Last night I went to bed, and must of fell asleep, didn't even realize I was asleep, I entered into the most scary dream, then at a certain point in the dream I just woke up, heart racing, just all freaked out. I was scared to even get up and go to the bathroom, whats that all about???? I haven't had something like that happen in years. Maybe its the cream????

I felt like I was 6yrs old and afraid of the buggy man, lol!!!

Jules

Oooh, Jules, so awful to have this kind of a nightmare. Did you notice somewhere there's a thread about people having bizarre, disturbing dreams with peri?

Yes, it's a little early to tell with the progesterone, but we do hope for that miracle, don't we?

I am of French-Canadian ancestry, and do speak a halting French. Being in Canada helps it right along - usually only takes a few days and I'm babbling with the natives.

Hope your energy levels spike up some. You have a good week!

Jacquie

Before peri i would consider myself to be normal....i had normal menstrual cycle, day to day life was easier, i had a lot more energy, then everything changed, when it started i had never even heard of perimenopause, my former gyn he never mentioned it, when i complaines about my crazy cycle & my severe cramps, the anxiety & emotional ups & downs he mentioned a hysterectomy. Well not too long after that i changed to woman gyn & she mentioned peri to me right away, before that i read about it in goodhousekeeping. At present i am in peri almost 100% & am due for a period but nothing is happening, also the PMS im going through is not like it was before all this happened. I get angry very easy, i cry easy, i also try to laugh a lot ( hats off to my husband for the laughing, he trys to find humor in this, dont get me wrong he is very understanding ) I am in constant PAIN right now & am forced to take lortab to ease it, i otherwise cant function. I feel im being punished for something bad i did & sometimes i want to give up but i know its not me. I kind of feel like im going through puberty again except in a different way. I dont think straight anymore, i cant remember simple things, i cant concentrate, i get upset over the smallest things, im paraniod I think noone likes me, i feel inferior to the outside world. Im normal on the outside but on the inside im falling apart, i just try to keep in mind that there is just a demon inside of me that will come out sooner or later,usually when i bleed i feel much better, so when am i going to bleed? I dont know. Ive been carrying tampons in my purse, which is a pain, for approximately 2 months, because i just cant keep track of my periods anymore. What a way to live ! It never used to be this way! I came upon this site by accident & thank god i did, its become so helpful to vent my frustrations to women who have already been or are now going through this transition I to find out that I am not the only one. I come to this site everyday, even if anly for a few minutes, to just talk & listen & offer any advice. On the other hand, I am still young at heart & try to think on the positive side (im 42).When i get down on myself i ready to give up on life i make myself active like i was 20 again, sometimes it helps, i ache a little afterwards thats when reality sets in & i think gee im just about in midlife, no wonder I hurt ! I welcome anyone's advice and a lot of much needed support. Power Surge, you ROCK !!!