I'm a 54 year old married empty nester (kids in their 30's.I would appreciate any replies from those of you who have panic disorder w/anxiety attacks who now find themselves practically, if not entirely,  unable to leave their homes.  Since I have absolutely no one to talk to about this,  it would be wonderful to share your experiences.   How do you deal with it? Have you been able to overcome it?  I take xanax (have for quite a number of years) and it just isn't helping that much anymore.  Sheesh, I desparately need to see the dentist but cannot.  I haven't ventured to the supermarket (or any store for that matter) in about two years.  When I have doctors appointments I get so panicky that I feel like I'll pass out.  (I never actually do but it feels like it).  Sheesh, I can't even go get a haircut.  I never used to be this way.  I held down a responsible job for over 25 years.  I was fun and outgoing.  Now I'm just so very lonely and tired of looking for answers. I have Dr. Bourne's workbook and have read much about systematic desenitization, cognitive behavior therapy, relaxation methods, etc.  Problem is I don't know a soul who could or would be my "support person".  

Contrary to some doctors' opinion, I AM NOT NUTS AND THIS IS NOT "JUST NERVES".  It's very debilitating and a horrible way to exist.

Thanks for letting me vent.  You gals (and guys who post once in a while) are great.  Thanks so much.

I know what you mean about the Dr. office visits, I never used to be that way until I got sick and had to see so many Dr.'s.  But anyway, the way you feel in the Dr.'s office was probably the same as the way I would feel everytime I had to go to the store, a restaurant, or anywhere (by the way I've never gotten over the Dr.'s office panic).  Just thinking about going out would set my pulse to racing.

My constant fear was what if I can't make it through the grocery store, or through the meal out, or through the recital.  Of course, no outing was enjoyable because of the "panic" but still there were places I felt like I had to go.

A good friend of mine, a man, who had had an extended illness told me that his experience almost mirrored mine.  And this was his advice.  Don't put the pressure of completing any trip on yourself.  Just go, and tell yourself, if I can't finish this (grocery trip or whatever), I'll leave.  I started doing that and just sortof pushed myself to stay a little longer each time, knowing in the back of my head, that if it got too bad, I'd just leave.

Now mind you, the "weirdness" and "wild" feelings I had in the store didn't go away, not at first anyway.  Finally they did, but I can still find myself being anxious in stores or public places sometimes, especially if there's a lot of confusion.

After the fact, I decided that what I was really afraid of was the "feeling of being afraid."  I didn't want to have my heart race, and be short of breath, and get all tingly, so I avoided anyplace that gave me that "feeling".

Now if it happens, I sortof picture the "feeling of being afraid" like a huge wave that will roll over me.  I don't really try to stop it, I don't put myself down for having it.  I just say, "Well, this is who I am, and this is how I'm feeling."

I was so busy trying not to have it that I was actually making it worse I think.  

Well that's my story, I hope there's something there that can help you.

Hang in there.  I must say that I could only see progress when judged by years, not days.  

I've been dealing with this anxiety and agoraphobia for almost 4 years now. You're not alone on this one.....and no it's not nerves. I think our hormones triggered something that sent us into this anxiety state. I had my first panic attack while driving which sent me into such a high anxiety  state that I couldn't even walk through the super market without holding on to my husband, and standing in line was  a killer....thought i'd pass out every time.  I didn't want to leave my house either....didn't even want to leave my bed.  I'm slowly coming around though, and know you will too. I still have lots of anxiety and dizziness but I just plow right through with whatever I have to do.....except the driving....still working on that one. What i'm trying to say is.... I waited for over 3 years for this panic stuff to go away, but it wouldn't....so i'm going to have to go on with these awful symptoms....or become a recluse.  p.s. I take low doses of xanax when the going gets really tough. E-mail me anytime.  

Again, thank you so much for your replies and I share in the hope that one day our lives will return to normal. Heck, I'd settle for just a semblance of normal.  :-)

Years ago I had panic in supermarkets.  My husband would "try" to help me by saying the bananas weren't going to attack me or anything...yeh right!   I just started going afraid and starting thinking if I did pass out, some kind compassionate person would pick me up.  Before that in my mind, there were no kind compassionate people....so I changed how I thought about the world....guess that was helpful...

Since then,  I don't care--just want to get my stuff....I was so self-conscious....had so many issues going on that didn't relate to shopping but my fears in general.

Still think that a lot of this has to do with lowered progesterone levels too as Dr. Shipko said in the chat the other night....that might have helped back then.

I know it really gives a blow to the self esteem to be so challenged to doing ordinary things.  I would look at others and say why am I so anxious and those other people don't have a care in the world....

Self-talk is a lot of it I guess.....less of the scary kind.  It is heroic task to challenge all this--reminds me of the song Dearest posted --A Hero Lies in You....

Feel for all of you dealing with this because I have been there...  

I also realize that panic is fear of fear, but I also realize that knowing that doesnt help a whole lot. I started having panic attacts when I was around 5yrs old. Doctors at that time called them mental spells. I have fought this all my life, so after alot of very hard work and the support of my husband, mother and sister I made it on my own, but it was far from being easy with alot of ups and downs.After I was 95% better ( I dont think you ever get 100% ) I started helping other people. I went to their homes and became their support, It has been very rewarding and I have met many many people, We are certainly not alone.

I guess the one thing that I want you to know is that you can overcome this, One day at a time. There will be setbacks but you can also overcome them . The most important thing is to keep a journal and record everything, good and bad days. Believe it or not there are good days, It really does help to read about the good when you are having a bad. You do have allot of work cut out for you but you can do this, Work on your relaxation and desensitizing yourself, Please if you need help or even if you are having a bad night e-mail me if you want ( I will be you support person if you like) Panic attacts do not keep a 9 to 5 and not many drs. are there for you, This I know first hand. Also I know first hand that there is certainly light at the end of the tunnel and it is GREAT. Hang in there and NEVER give up.

I think that is so true, and lowering the expectation of ever being 100% is an important part of recovery.  It keeps you from being disappointed and let's you just be glad for the "life" that been returned, such as it is.

Everyone here has said some really helpful things -- I might add just one.  You might try picking some small thing that terrifies you -- like walking out and standing on your front porch or patio or whatever.  You then might ask someone to come and visit, or if not, take your cordless phone and call a supportive friend or family member (one of your children?  They wouldn't even have to know that they're participating in your recovery!).  Then, with "help" at hand, walk out on the porch.  If you can only stay ten seconds, so be it, but you did it!  Tomorrow, do the same thing, accept ten seconds, but try for fifteen seconds, and so on, slowly, until it gets easier and easier.  

And most of all, congratulate yourself!  But no matter how scared you feel don't stop -- drop the time outside back to ten seconds if you have to, but don't quit.

I've done this type of thing, always knowing that if I passed out or whatever, I had the person on the phone or, some kind person would find me, and fairly quickly I realized that what I really feared was the fear itself.  Now I'm to the point that I only get "jittery" in very large crowds, back corners of restaurants or rooms, and on planes.  I go to major league ball games, etc. and do pretty well there with the crowds, go to meetings, restaurants, etc., but I'm still struggling a bit with plane travel (which I used to really enjoy).  It takes time, hard work, and the blessings of a friend or two, but I believed that it was worth the effort and it was.

Take care and bless you,  

(Edited by JennaN at 10:28 am on June 11, 2001)

I don't know that I had a lot of courage -- I just get bull-dogged determined and stubborn after a while.  I can put up with something just so long -- get knocked to my knees and beat over the head (as a figure of speech) just so long before I get mad, and then I have to do something about it.  Or, I have to walk away.  Well, you can't "walk away" from agoraphobia, anxiety, etc. so the last resort for me was to do something about it.  

It's a mind game I've played with myself for years.  For example, let's say I have a HUGE pile of dirty dishes to wash and I just don't want to.  Well, I say to myself, "I'm just going to do the pans before I go to bed, and I'll do the rest tomorrow."  Usually, once I get started, I end up doing the whole sink full.  Agoraphobia to me was somewhat similar -- "I'll just have my boyfriend drive me to the drug store -- I don't have to get out of the car, and in fact, we can turn around and come right back if I have to."  

After a couple times (and after I didn't keel over and die!) I thought, "Well, if the store's not busy, I'll just run in and buy tissues -- that's all."  And recovery grew, in tiny steps, from there.

While I believe the agoraphobia is hormone driven (we don't get a vote) I also believe that we have *some* conscious control over it -- even though it's very, very difficult.  Xanax helps, Bach's Rescue Remedy helps, supportive family and friends help a lot.  In the end, though, it's only each of us who can put one foot in front of the other to achieve the tiny steps that allow us to break free (or, if not break free, at least achieve a mostly normal life).

As I said in the previous post, I still don't want to get on an airplane, and I still won't sit in a crowded theater, or in the back of a crowded room or restaurant...but, most of what I need or want to do, I can now do.

Many hugs,

(Edited by JennaN at 10:29 am on June 12, 2001)

I don't think anyone can truly understand how horrible this is unless they've experienced it themselves. I just wanted to stay in bed forever until it went away, but that wasn't going to happen. As painful as it was, I just had to take those tiny steps (baby steps....as Bob would say) and get it into my head that I wasn't dying and I didn't keel over. I think what's helping me is...anger.  I am so angry that this panic has stolen 3 years of my life that now I say to myself....screw it!....if your going to faint...then faint....but don't stop. This seems to help because I haven't actually passed out yet. There is only one area that I still have my limitations though, and that is driving alone. I do drive if someone is with me and I feel i've come quite a way on this. There was  a time I hated to even ride in a car.  So Jenna, you are so right....being determined, stubborn, and getting angry at this panic is our way out of it.  :)

To Jools:  If my words helped at all, I'm glad, and good luck at the dentist's office.  I'm not fond of dentists either, so I know how it feels.  

To Kari:  Yep, I think determination and anger are the keys.  I'm generally even tempered and very, very patient, but finally, when I get REALLY angry, look out.  I had to get REALLY angry before I started taking baby steps.  Occasionally I even prayed, saying, "OK, Lord, if you want me, take me, but as long as I'm on this earth, I'm not living in fear any more!"

Occasionally, agoraphobia and inner terror still cast their shadows over me, and sometimes, I still give in, at least for a little while.  And then I get mad again........

Take care and hugs,  

The driving will come.  When I had it at it's worst, I couldn't imagine myself ever driving anywhere again.

Then like you said, I would go in the car with someone else driving.  Eventually, I drove with someone else in the car, and now I can drive places by myself and hardly think about it.

I have more anxiety driving if I'm having a bad meno symptom day.  Like if I'm feeling lightheaded or having palpitations alot, and I try not to drive on those days.

Take the driving by yourself, in small steps too.  Drive around the block till you're comfortable with that, then around the neighborhood, you know the drill.

Like I said in one of my other posts on agoraphobia, you can't always measure progress in terms of days, but rather in terms of years.

Thank you, your reassurance is greatly appreciated. It helps to know others have been there and moved passed this. I haven't read "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook", but I do have "Help and Hope for your Nerves" by Claire Weeks.  I have to tell you though, this breathing and floating  doesn't seem to help me when I feel like i'm floating out of my body. The part that bothers me is that i'm invoving other people if I happen to faint.  That dizzy, floaty, feeling and the visual problems really scares me. I can do back roads and side streets, it's the real traffic that sends me...all those cars coming at me, and piling up behind me.....SHIVER! I'll keep trying though. Like Jenna says...."bulldog determination".  Thanks so much, you girls are the best!:biggrin:

There's are many yoga tapes and books that are helpful. Read the transcripts of Mara Carrico in the Library and I believe she has a Web site, too. It'll be included on the transcripts.

There's the wonderful book, Full Catastrophe Living : Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness" by Jon Kabat-Zinn.  You will learn an incredible body relaxation method that could have a tremendous impact on how you feel. I also have his tapes, "Mindfulness Meditation: Cultivating the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind."

Also, read Dr. Stuart Shipko's transcripts in the library. His newest from his visit two weeks ago is at located here. He's a psychiatrist and neurologist who specializes in panic disorder. If you scroll to the bottom of any of the chat transcripts, you'll see links to the guests other visits (provided they've guested more than once).

I have used Dr. David Illig's subliminal relaxation tapes for years. I can't tell you how many stressful moments his tapes have gotten me through. You might do a search for him on the Internet. I won't link to his Web site as it's a commercial site where he sells his tapes. I highly recommend his tapes, Learn To Relax, if you can find it. I think it's the best, but I haven't tried them all. I believe he's made many more tapes since and I would like to have him as a guest in Power Surge. I also have "Relieve Stress and Anxiety."

I have talked about Dr. Claire Weekes' for years. Her book, Agoraphobia, doesn't seem to be available at amazon.com, but it's worth a search for in your local library. That book and Dr. Weekes saved my life years ago after I went through a  personal trauma. For those suffering from anxiety, panic, fear, stress, I also recommend her Pass Through Panic: Freeing Yourself from Anxiety and Fear. I absolutely absorbed all her work.  She was such a level-headed, inspirational and powerful psychiatrist and human being that you can't help but benefit from her tapes and books.

Next week I am having Bronwyn Fox, an expert in the area of panic attacks, stress, anxiety. Check the schedule for more information and if you're not on the mailing list, I recommend signing up now for weekly announcements of the guest chats and bi-montly newsletters.

Also, be sure to check the Reading List for excellent recommendations on books for anxiety, stress, panic.

I hope this information is helpful to some of you.