Power Surge Forums > I cant explain it

Janel

Jul 16 2001, 05:52 PM

I really cant explain, I guess I just need to talk for awhile.I have tried soooo hard for over 8 years now and I just cant get my life back.The last 2 1/2 have really been hard, I try to take one day at a time, I try everything you ladies try but with no success.Doctor has changed my horones 8 times in the last 2 years, I want off them so bad but my grandkids are coming to see me,I dont even want them to come.Untill last April I was having two periods a month for several months. This was caused by hormones, My dr. has sent me to a heart dr. saying that I have something wrong with my heart. She has sent me to the eye dr. she said I must have something wrong with my eyes. She takes biopsies every year, I am just so tired.

The last month I have felt just awful and it keeps getting worse. In the 80s I was agoraphobic and housebound for over 3 years. I beat it with the help of my family.Now here I am I cant do anything or go anywhere and I just dont know why.I feel doomed to this life and I dont want it anymore.

My husband is wonderful, he is the only one I have left. Both my mother ad sister have passed on and how I would love to see them again.I have one brother left but we are not close. I have isolated everyone so we have no close friends. Boy listen to me, dont I sound pathetic. Sorry just needed to get it out. I am sitting here crying, you would think it would help they say it releaves the stress. Thanks for all your great post they have been great.This is one time that I just know it wont pass because I have never had this before.

MaryO

Jul 16 2001, 06:28 PM

(((Janel))) I hear your pain and I think that we've all gone through this at some time or another. It does pass, eventually, but it seems to take forever, sometimes.

I just wanted to write to let you know that your're not alone and send you some big hugs...

NancyV

Jul 16 2001, 06:54 PM

Janel,

So sorry you feel so bad....which things have you tried?

Hope you hang in there and find something that gives you relief....my thoughts for your improved health and best wishes are there for you....

Take care... .

jeanne

Jul 16 2001, 10:12 PM

Hi Janel,

Yes it does seem like it takes forever. Have you thought of changing doctors? She might mean well , but changing your hormones that often could be the problem right there. I also have agoraphobia , but am just afraid to travel. But the frustration of that is awful also.There are so many good things to look forward to and you are fighting so hard . I promise it will get better for you , I just can't promise when. I also felt quite a few times that it just wasn't worth it , but it is!!! You have plenty of time to see your relatives who have passed on. I'm sure they are more than willing to wait for you. And I know they want you to be here for your husband , children and grandkids. When I almost died last year I found out just how much I want to live menopause or no menopause.

Life is hard , Janel, no doubt but you do have people that care for you and you do have friends, You just can't see our faces:) but we are here for you and always will be. and please stay in touch here,Hugs, jeanneP.S.Please check out another doctor ,I want you to take control of things . Go to a different doctor and see what that one says.

Snowbird

Jul 17 2001, 01:28 AM

((((HUGS))))) Janel

The other gals said most of what I was going to say!I just want to add that, my heart goes out to you!!! You certainly have a lot of things going on and I understand! Doctors changed my hormones countless times also, over the years.....frustration after frustration!!:(Every doctor in the city must know me by now....like you I've seen them all....well at least most of them!!I had a tough time too hon.......my hubby was my support!! I think most of my friends didn't know what to say or do....so......they just avoided me!! Not here...though!! We're here for each other........cuz......the gals, understand!! ((((That's why I love this site so much)))))All the answers may not come overnight....but at least you can vent...let loose anytime....and the compassion, understanding on this site, will see you through it.It will pass.......It will get better!! I went through hell......for years! Today, "Life is Much....Much....Better!!

Hang in there my friend....we luv ya!! ((((((((((Hugs from Snowy)))))))))))) Nancy

Patricia

Jul 17 2001, 02:21 AM

Janel...If I had one wish I would come straight over to you and squeeze you so hard you would break with a big hug....so sorry you are feeling so bad at this time - but pleased you have a great hubby to look after you...they are special mine is also.As the sisters said maybe try another doctor - a different approach....my heart goes out to you and take note that all your cyber sisters are around for you anytime and care and love you always.Remember you are special and as Jeanne said better days will come - we promise - it may be a rocky road but WE WILL SURVIVE as the song says....Like yourself I have no parents or sisters - only a great hubby who must know so much about menopause now....Speak to us soon - and cyber hugs to you sister:)

Ga Girl

Jul 17 2001, 07:27 AM

Dear Janel:I just found this forum about a week ago and it has been a tremendous help to me. I read your letter and my heart aches for you. I have been going through some tough times coming off Premarin which I think was making me worse. It has not been easy. The anxiety is enough to do me in--I have even begun to think that I have some kind of fatal disease. Like you, my husband is a great support. I don't want to sound like a preacher here, but, please pray that the Lord will deliver you from all of this and really give the whole situation to Him. He loves you and really wants to heal you. I know He is working in my life right now. Life really is worth living. Isn't it crazy how our hormones change everything in our bodies and our lives? I am praying for you. Keep in touch please.Love and prayers,Ga Girl

HSpec

Jul 17 2001, 12:29 PM

Dear Janel,You are not alone. Your grandchildren are probably the best medicine around. You are blessed with the love of your husband, children and grandchildren. Let that love nourish you.Let our support help to guide you through this really tough time that you are having. We do know and understand how you feel.Try taking small steps. Just step outside your home the next warm sunshiny day and let the warmth and beauty of the day sink in to your heart and soul.We are here for you.Hugs, hugs and hugs.H

Dearest

Jul 17 2001, 08:30 PM

Janel said, "This is one time that I just know it wont pass because I have never had this before.

Janel, MaryO has given you a big bear hug and NancyV, Jeanne, Snowbird, Patricia, Gagirl and HSpec have all given you their love and support.

Now, Janel, with everything you've gone through and with all the courage you've shown -- there's one person from whom you need the most encouragement and that's yourself.

Janel, with all I have gone through in my life (and I don't talk about everything openly because I'm basically a private person, but suffice it to say there's been a LOT), but even in my weakest moments, there's been something underneath it all, something that I will NOT allow to die, something that I will not let this transition with all its miserable ups and downs, its anxiety and depression, the feeling that it's sometimes swallowing me up into an enormous vacuum from which I might never return -- and then I remind myself of what it is that's been the glue that's held me together and it's one simple, but very powerful word, Janel -- HOPE!

Never, ever, ever give up the feeling that tomorrow or the day after, or the month after WILL BE BETTER than today. HOPE is what keeps people going under the most extenuating circumstances. And when I remember HOPE, I also remind myself that others, somewhere, in many ways are suffering more than I am and I tell myself over and over again, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."

We're here to support you -- to help you through the rough moments -- to help you remember that there is hope. Now, you have to start reminding yourself.

Dearest

Jul 17 2001, 08:35 PM

Janel and everyone who "Can't Explain It" ... remember this:

A Forever Friend Sometimes in life, you find a special friend; Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop; Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is Forever Friendship. When you're down, and the world seems dark and empty, Your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times, and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete, because you need not worry. You have a forever friend for life, and forever has no end. We are ALL your forever friends, Janel.

HippieHeron

Jul 18 2001, 12:02 AM

Dear Janel,

When I first started perimenopause I was very confused and upset about everything and really had no one to turn to for advice. I knew alot of women who were older than I am, so I assumed that they were experienced with menopause and could give me advice, but they just treated it like it was a taboo subject - no sisterhood there! But a friend of mine who was going through similar problems lent me a book about midlife for women and the first thing that it talked about was finding something to dedicate yourself to, especially something that you've always dreamed of doing or having but never had the opportunity. Something that has made you happy in the past. Something to nurture and feed your soul. For me it was singing (I joined a choir and started taking voice lessons, something I always dreamed of) and writing poetry, which I hadn't done since my 20s.

Another thing that helped was exercise. I also have a thyroid problem and my doctor did alot of experimenting with different medications when I was having problems with that, but the only thing that helped was exercise. You can do exercising at home or take a class. It really is relaxing and gives you energy and a more positive outlook. Sometimes if you really develop a desire to do something, that can help to give you courage to face something that you have fear of. And your faith in your God can help to see you through too. When you are alone, you can be sure that he or she is there with you.

I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers.

Snowbird

Jul 18 2001, 08:21 AM

((((Hugs, Janel))))

Just came on board this morning......was thinking of you.....hope you are feeling a little better??!! I noticed a lot of posts from those concerned.....who love and care for you as I do!!This board is very much a "Warm and Caring Community for Women in Menopause!!" No one is alone here!! No one Judges!! We've all gone through our HURTS, our TRIALS, our VICTORIES..........YES......even VICTORIES!! We are ALL WINNERS HERE!! **YOU ARE TOO** my dear friend!!

I'm keeping you in my prayers.....I know it's tough....been there myself!!

(((((((God luv ya....hon))))))))) Nancy

MaryO

Jul 18 2001, 07:23 PM

QUOTE

Quote: from Dearest on 8:35 pm on July 17, 2001[br]Janel and everyone who "Can't Explain It" ... remember this:

A Forever Friend Sometimes in life, you find a special friend; Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop; Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is Forever Friendship. When you're down, and the world seems dark and empty, Your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times, and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete, because you need not worry. You have a forever friend for life, and forever has no end. We are ALL your forever friends, Janel.

That's so beautiful, Dearest. Thanks for posting it for Janel - and all of us who sometimes feel like this.

We so often receive from you, but sometimes we're not so good at giving back, so I'm sending this back to you, too, Dearest, in case you ever feel this way.

Hugs to all

MsMolly

Jul 22 2001, 11:53 AM

Janel~

I have been away from the boards for a few days and am just now catching up. I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said...........so........just know you are not alone and that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

((((hugs))))Molly

EileenG

Jul 22 2001, 01:27 PM

Janel,Hope you're feeling a little better today. We all love you and know what those really bad days are like...... especially when you feel alone and like you want to give up!I hope this board is helping you feel less isolated. It is hard to feel like doing anything when you are hurting -- emotionally or/and physically. You will get through this though! You are strong! You are worth it! Just hang in there hon. We're here for you. We understand.

EileenG

Jul 22 2001, 01:40 PM

One more thing, Janel ----Have you been screened for depression? Depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain -- not a character weakness like some people think.

(Edited by EileenG at 6:25 pm on Aug. 5, 2002)

Kathryn Rudd

Jul 23 2001, 11:35 AM

Hi, Janel! :)You have taken a big step in just sharing your feelings with other people by posting here. That is to be applauded. When I was in therapy for depression about 15 years ago, I was told to put my feelings down on paper, or better yet, write a letter! The expression of your inner life for someone else to know about is essential to getting in touch with yourself and others.It is a big step toward healing.:)Please please continue to post in this thread. We need to know how you are doing, feeling, etc. I agree with the others who encourage you to try another clinic/physician, to test for thyroid problems and depression. It's so good to know you have your husband on your side! Are your children supportive of you also? Don't forget to give yourself permission to say "no" if you have to. Forget the word "selfish" OK? That doesn't apply to you. And, finally, when at the window or in your yard, don't forget to look UP. You'd be surprised to find who's looking down on you!:)Someone on another message board had this quote which helped me so much: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why it's called The Present.:wink:Peace and grace to you,Kathryn

Jww244

Jun 17 2002, 09:45 PM

Dear Jane,

I feel for you since I went through what you did. Most of the ladies here have already witten some very important things. I just wonder if your depressions aren't because of your hormones. I became very suicidal when on hormones. My doctor said well you are going through menopause and I asked if it could be chemical because I wasn't such a mess till then. I didn't sleep for more than a year, felt like I had my hand in an electric socket all the time and my moods were so eratic that I thought of leaving my family so their life could go back to normal. My doctor told me to see a councelor. I was also having biopsies done every 3 months and finally a friend told me to see her doctor for a second opinion. This doctor put me on an all natural hormone and used a pharmacy specially for this. It had no food colorings, additives and found out I had a lot of allergies. A few days after being put on the natural hormones I was sleeping again and found myself to be my old self. I now watch out for any symptoms out of the ordinary and ask my self what did you take or eat that is different. I'm not saying this is your problem but it's worth a try.Good luck and take each day a minute at a time.

GG

Jun 19 2002, 08:42 AM

Janel Just read your post this morning. You said you suffered with agoraphobia but beat it with the help of your family. This indicates to me that you probably have a tendancy toward anxiety and depression which very often go hand in hand. Then enters the dreaded menopause and all it's problems. Double whammy!All the effort you have to put forth each day just to feel as good as we think the next guy is feeling. I use to compare myself to other people then I realized I was comparing my inners to their outers and alot of people are feeling what we're feeling too. Read Lucinda Bassett's book "From Panic to Power" she explains alot about anxiety and depression and the connection between the two. It also helps you to understand the connection that what we eat has a great influence on how we feel. Exercise is so important. That's the one area I need to really improve on, but when I took the time to do it boy what a difference. When I read your post I could relate to your feelings so much and wish I was better at putting into words how much I understand.Read about anxiety read about menopause see that you are not alone and there are solutions.Most of all cut yourself some slack don't try to be everything to everybody just be the best you you can be at THAT moment. You can't ask for more than that. Love and understanding GG

dcamp

Jun 19 2002, 10:49 AM

I am so so sorry about the way you are feeling. I have experienced some anxiety and a few other annoying symptoms during this peri meno thing----but nothing close to what you are experiencing. I won't even attempt to say I know how you feel. I will offer you my prayers and good wishes. Please don't despair. Life is worth living. You mention grandchildren. There's reason enough right there to persevere. God Bless You.

(Edited by dcamp at 10:51 am on June 19, 2002)