I wasn't quite sure where this posting belonged, but this is as good a place as any I think. Some years ago, before I went into perimenopause, or had even heard the term, I read something which disturbed me slightly, well quite a lot actually.It was article which said that before the age of around 9 or so, there is not a great difference, facially, between boys and girls. Around puberty, girls faces take on a more feminine look, and the boys more masculine. The article went on to say that after menopause, as women no longer 'needed' to be sexually attractive, these differences disappeared, and womens' faces became a lot like mens (minus facial hair etc of course!) I found this mightily depressing, that we would have to put up with all that meno stuff, and then end up looking like men!! I spent a lot of time looking at women who I considered to be post-meno, to see if the theory was true. Sadly I realised that an awful lot of them did look fairly masculine, but this was often due to very masculine hair style, no make up etc, which are presumably a matter of choice? I have also noticed plenty of nice looking older women who do look like women, so have reassured myself that looking like a man is not inevitable.I am not a really 'girly-girly' woman, but I have always worn my hair longish etc, like being a woman and do not want to end up looking like a man!! :oReassurance, please??!!:confused:

Well, I have the hair - although not from menopause.  That certainly makes me feel very unfeminine.  I hate having to shave, but I don't want to admit this to anyone other than my doctor, so I won't do the laser treatments, either.  It is most discouraging, though and I hate it.

I do know lots of older women who aren't manly looking though - and some younger women who do.  I think it's partly genes and personal preference.

My mother doesn't wear any make-up and never has, except for lipstick.  She doesn't look masculine at all and I think it's because her mother always looked feminine.

I wouldn't be concerned about this. I've seen many masculine looking women in their twenties, thirties, etc. Becoming 50 doesn't automatically determine you will look masculine. I think it all depends on the face you were born with and what you do to look better. The most important thing is are you happy with yourself? Feel good about yourself. It took me many years to finally feel good about my hairstyle. I've always had long hair but when I got older it thinned abit and didn't look good anymore. I finally got up the nerve to cut it short, but layered and still shoulder length in the back.  I haven't had this many compliments since I was younger. I also am keeping it the natural color with gray in the front and it looks good like a frosting.  Find what works for you. Good luck.

I also am watching "older" women to see what makes them attractive.  I am even trying to grow my hair out a little (just not quite so short) because I think I'm one of those women that can look handsome rather than feminine if I'm not careful.Ok -- has anyone had this experience?  I'm standing in line at the bank and I look up at the security monitor and see an attractive older woman on the screen --and by golly! It's me!!!! LOL  I'm always amazed at the difference in what I think I look like now and what I really look like!! Not bad --just an adjustment!

Hi,I've decided to grow my hair out also. I have just recently had it cut short - chin length to even out the layers of my short cut that I've had for a few years. I'm also thinking of putting in a darker rinse to get rid of the blonde highlights that I've worn. I think I feel just like going back to a more natural easy going hairstyle with less maintanence. It's expensive and stressful sometimes having a cut or color that you don't like. I'd rather just look like I blend in rather than trying to stand out  and keep up this appearance of youth that I don't really feel suits me anymore. I don't mean that all short cuts mean you're trying to be youthful, but I guess for me I kept trying to keep up with the latest styles for hair and clothes and pretend that I felt that way. Maybe after meno's over, I'll get this new "post menepausal zest" that you hear about and decide to get more trendy again.

Suzie

I know exactly what you mean Suzie!! You kind of put into words what I've been going through.  I've always done the blonde highlights and the super short hair -- now it makes me feel  like I'm working too hard!  I see some women who look so good with that look so it's hard for me to see myself at this point in life and realize --for me -- that there may be an easier, more natural way to look.  Well -- at least that's  how I feel today.  Stay tuned to the latest!! LOL

Gemini, I wonder if that article you read was based on any kind of  genetic study of the human body or was it just written by a male? Are we designed to be sexually attractive then when we are passed our sell by date just dumped into the, let it sag and drag she's only an old bag category? Help! Does this mean that despite our best efforts some of us could end up looking like our husbands. Take a look at some of the elderly couples you see around, they look like each other. Well my mother still looks feminine and gentle and she is in her seventies. I've no sisters to compare myself with and I hope I don't end up looking like my father or my brothers as they are bald :biggrin:

It was some time ago that I read this, onesister. It was a short piece, in a womens' magazine, summarising some study which had been done by someone (being a bit wooly here, was a long time ago!) That was why it struck me at the time and has stayed me. I wouldn't give  a fig if it was some mans' own opinion, but it had been researched, and it implied that it was only during our fertile years that nature bothered to make us look different to men, so as to be attractive to a mate and keep the species going. Makes sense I suppose, but if it is true it is a pretty mean trick of nature, don't you think? Letting us go through years of menstruation, pregnancies, births etc, then meno, THEN to say 'Thanks for all that, but hey, you don't need to look pretty any more, you may as well look like a MAN now you have done your bit!' :oAs you say though, onesister, plenty of older women do still look femine, I hope to look like them, and not the ones who look like their husbands!

Nature can be very cruel! It sounds logical though that we'd be designed for  looking attractive during our years of mating. At least we don't bite the heads off our partners afterwards. Like you I'd like to try and stay feminine looking too.  There is a lot you can do with hairstyes and makeup. Some women don't seem to bother as they get older. But that is their choice and as long as they are happy with themselves thats all that matters. It's interesting though watching older ladies and how they look.  Nature sure plays some funny tricks. All those years of menstruating etc. Wouldn't you like to redesign the female body? There are times when I certainly would.

That was an interesting article, makes you think really, just what are we here for anyway? Just to be productive biologically and then cast away.  

I wouldn't dwell on it too much  - you know, I work with elderly people and I see all sorts - just yesterday I was surprised by a 73 year old lady, she was slim, great clothes, perfect hair and she looked so modern and attractive.  She isn't the first I've seen like that .

I keep using creams and doing face workouts, a cosmetologist told me the best facial gym is smiling (yeah, well I grimace (Cheshire cat style) every once in a while.Kisses, Barbie xxxxxx

Would I redesign the female body, onesister? Not sure, yes I suppose so, it would have been better not to have had all these periods I guess, and not to have to bother about contraception. I have never ever felt I would rather be a man though, much prefer being a woman, despite the physical stuff!Yes, I know what you mean, Barbie, partly it is taking care of yourself I'm sure, and partly genetic. I feel really trivial even bothering about this, but it really struck me when I read that, cos I had never heard it said before, and it was like  revelation to me, looked around and thought 'Yes, lots of older women do look like men!'

No, I definately would not wish to be a man either Gemini. Lets just say we should all make the most of what we've got. But as Anthenea says, we won't dwell on it.

Ok, we won't then!! :)Btw, being nosey here, but where do you live onesister? Are you in the States? I see you are online now, so it must be the middle of the night if you are!!

This reply is late, but I thought you'd look for it here. I live in New Zealand Gemini. But as I am not sleeping well you will find me on line at unusual times anyway usually reading the insomnia posts or transcripts.

I see. That kind of rings a bell now, you will have said somewhere else that you are from New Zealand. Meno fog, I forget what I learn right away!!

I've read about this too. If I remember correctly, it has to do with the estrogen. While we are in our child-bearing years the estrogen makes our lips fuller and our cheeks I believe etc. etc.which is what make us sexually attractive.So, I know I felt the same way you did that I didn't want to end up looking masculine. My lips have gotten a little thinner etc. but I don't think I look manly just not like that ripe peach anymore! But then my husband is not  young looking anymore either. We just get used to some changes, I suppose.Frances

Hey onesister, I'm from new Zealand too!!! ...and i'm doing the 'sneak a peek' at my meno sisters when I'm standing in a queue etc to see if they've sprouted facial hairs, if they've got the saggy baggy look etc - and guess what - most of us do have that middle aged look - eventhte ones iIsee power walking past my gate every day. I guess we can't beat age but learn to live with it. I still get my hair cut in a nice style and wear lippy etc when I go someplace special - otherwise, it's just the plain face, jeans and t.shirt look. I've got two daughters who keep me in place if I look too daggy - My biggest issue re feminity is the facial hair thing - I guess its genetic as two of my sisters have the same problem but what to do about it?? Tweezing helps, I did the cream thing but the fine stubble looked ghastly and was very embarrasing as it grew back, and laser treatment etc is very costly. Not too happy with the middle aged spread but with the othr problems I'm having, ie anxiety/panics etc, long walks are out of the question for the time being.  I'm on a few meds at the moment wich I'm hoping will help me get back my 'life' again.PS i've only got a few grey hairs in the temple area but I'm going to let my dark hair lighten to suit my skin tone and just intend to put through semi permanent colours to soften the look.  I don't want to be 20,30,40 again but I do want to feel well which is my main aim!!!!!