Okay..so I am sure lots of you guys have had bouts of wierd, out there and just plain crazy sounding thoughts. I know, I do. Right now I have the wierdest, most bizarre just OUT there thought that I can't shake!! I bought something off of ebay and the person never sent it, had to open a claim against them, yada yada. Finally the seller sends me the items..I get them today and instantly think.."omg, what happens if they were pissed at me for opening a claim and laced this box/item with anthrax"? HELLO..where the HECK did this come from? Now I am scared that I may have breathed it in and im going to die a slow and painful death

..You guys, I'm NOT crazy! I swear! I have never had any thoughts like this before! Where this thought came from, I have NO clue! it's scaring me..I almost called my hubby to come home because I feel OUT there with the thought pattern. its like one thought goes into another one and then I obsess over the new thought..recently it was stomach cancer...now this...I can't take this much longer. Now I will be scared out of my mind that I am anthrax ridden or something. Right now my head feels wierd and my thoughts keep turning to, could it be IT!I can't believe I am telling you all this..because I feel like a mental case freak who needs to be put in a ward somewhere!!! Am I losing my mind, seriously???

Don't beat yourself up, these days can be scary with all the stuff in the news. So what did you get?

ya, but anthrax?? whoa..wierd. Where that came from, I have NO clue. I got these Boston Terrier xmas ornaments for my sister and sis in law who both have Boston's. They are really cute

Don't worry - totally normal! The fact that you are questioning your judgment on this says to me that you are aware that you are having irrational thoughts. When it becomes a concern is if you start believing this hon.

Don't worry, I have certainly been there. I can't believe the things I speak but don't say out loud. It bothers me sometimes. I am getting better though!

Reeeelax,
Suzanne

Bostons are SO cute!!!

Hi "slo" ... lol .... you know, I have to laugh ... I"m not laughing at you, but, I have to laugh at this whole thing, because I'm just like you .... I get a thought into my head, and that's it! I was NEVER like this either! I never would have thought half the things i end up thinking now.! But honestly, there's no anthrax in there ..... I know the way this works, and it's so stressful! These thoughts create such fear and anxiety, and you know darn well, it's not true, yet, you can't get the fear out of your head, i know! IT's not anthrax, you have nothing to worry about ..... as far as this cancer scare thingy....ok, i know what you mean! I recently posted about have this small brownish "patch" or blotch above my upper lip .... and you just know what I'm thinking!!!! This is insane .... but, apparently, par for the course!

Slo .... it'll be fine, you're fine .... it's not anthrax .... BIG HUG!

LOL..I have to laugh too! I told my hubby and he just looked at me and shook his head. LOL..he is so used to my crazy thoughts, that nothing surprises him anymore. He said.."you know how hard it would be to get anthrax..it's not like you can pick it up at the grocery"...of course I said, WELL it's possible!! Jeez...

Sorry I had to laugh too!
Anthrax!Does it never end?
Probably not but at least we are all still laughing!
All the Best
Elizabeth

Slo are you still here with us? Did you survive the anthrax scare ;^)

ya, Im here. Hanging by a thread tho. Having one of "those" days. I was good yesterday..had energy, felt pretty happy. today, another story. Seems everywhere I look SOMEONE around me has cancer. So there goes my health anxiety again because I am dealing with loss of weight and stomach issues (which in my scary-peri mind i think is stomach cancer). I wish someone could just say, "you are healthy"!

Slo,

All I can do is say, I get you, I really really get you. I do the same stuff. It's so hard. I've gotten better on the AD, but, in the back of mind I always think something is germinating somewhere. Right now I have had a 14 day period, mainly spotting, nothing major. I am trying not to over think this as I hear it is a peri thing, long periods, short periods, heavy, light. Please no one tell me it is anything other than peri... I will freak out and I have too much to do this month with the holidays. Anyways just know that I emphasize with you. P.S. you don't have anthrax poisoning... cause I think you would have already hit the ground. Dodged another bullet Slo.... doesn't it feel like you are in a pinball game sometimes dodging all the balls... that's how I feel half the time. Like you there are several people around me (one being my Dad) who are dealing with real illness. Trying to keep my two feel on the ground and not go in to "what if" and "OMG" land. Take care and try and use that active imagination for some fun things. You know people like us with active imaginations have special talents, we should be writing books or something, lol....

*sigh* I know...I always have had an over-active imagination, even as a kid. Wish I could use it to my full advantage now, but I have NO motivation! So I am on a rollercoaster ride right now. I am glad you get me..cuz seriously there are days I don't even get myself. I think, how can one person have SO many wierd thoughts?! Before I found this site I thought I was going nutso..had some mental issue that just sprang up and I would need to be admitted. I was happy go lucky before..now I feel like a shell of a woman.

My dad is going through a real illness too, kidney cancer. My mom passed away suddenly 4 yrs ago...friends & friends spouses are sick, etc. So I think all of this and that is just piling on top of my already anxious and scared mind. It's too much sometimes. In Oct. I was deathly afraid of swine flu...EGAD, it's just never ending.

The pinball game analogy is right. I do feel like that. Like Im being tossed around from one thought to another to another, back again. No wonder Iam exhausted and have no motivation. Tho part of that may be just sheer depression from all this crap going on. I have family coming into town this week and I just don't want to deal with it. How sad is that?! And I used to LOVE being w/family. it's like it's just too much and I am afraid of "not feeling good" and having to put on a happy face when Im dying inside!

O well..thanks for the nice reply. I am really glad that you understand. It's nice to know I am not entirely looney and that I just have a crappy hormonal imbalance~

This past year I would get so p#ssed off, I would think when the h#ll is this gonna end. Every month some stupid thing would pop up and I would obsess over it, it was making me insane. Now I am noticing that some of things cycle in and out so I just don't worry as much. Plus, I stopped looking for stuff, stopped checking out my body every second. I still do my Breast Self Exam each month and I don't google (that is the key, don't google stuff) it's hard not to but I just know it will bring nothing good to the table, lol. I'm a bit afraid of the Dr. so I pray every day nothing comes up that forces me to have to go, lol. That throws me for a loop. I just want 2010 to be one year that I get a break from the Dr. I will do all my testing again in one year. Got a mammo this year, so, I'm gonna wait a year on that. I think every other year is good enough for me. Hopefully, all will be well in a year. I just need a break. I know you get that feeling. You sound so much like I was at the beginning of this year. I felt awful and I tried to make light of it (when I could) but I felt like such a nutso hypochodriac (still feel like that at times but try to control it and replace the negative thoughts with a positive one). I'm alive today and that's what I try to focus on each day. My day may have liver cancer, he goes in tomorrow to have the biopsy and the "whatever" frozen and taken off. My Dad is such an inspiration I can't even imagine not having him around. The Dr. is very optimistic and feels whatever it is is very treatable, so that's what I am holding on to. PM me if you ever need to. I truly get what you are going through. My husband is constantly rolling his eyes at me but he does make me laugh at myself which is a good thing. hugs, Mich

Hi,
I have OCD (an anxiety disorder) and I live with those thoughts all the time. (I'm not saying you have OCD!). But, I want you to know that what I learned in therapy is that everyone has thoughts that can be considered weird or "paranoid" but most people just think about it and say to themselves "What a crazy thought" and then go about their business.
The difference between people with OCD and the rest of the population is we think "Oh no, WHAT IF?!!!" and then place importance on the thought.
Then we run around seeking reassurance to make sure that what we are worried about is not going to happen (i.e. googling symptoms!).
So, in your case, the more you think about anthrax and WHAT IF the more you are feeding the anxiety.
The thing is we can't make thoughts stop ( a classic trick is try not to think about pink elephants...and see how much you think about them!), but we can not place importance on the thought and just let the anxiety be and then pass.
Even if you don't have OCD per se, but have health anxieties, it would be helpful to read about the best treatment for OCD (cognitive behavioral therapy), because it is effective for health anxiety too.
I wish you the best, I know being stuck with these thoughts is painful..It's like you rationally know it's crazy, but there's the little what if voice:)


quote name='slo66' date='Dec 7 2009, 04:43 PM' post='322402']
Okay..so I am sure lots of you guys have had bouts of wierd, out there and just plain crazy sounding thoughts. I know, I do. Right now I have the wierdest, most bizarre just OUT there thought that I can't shake!! I bought something off of ebay and the person never sent it, had to open a claim against them, yada yada. Finally the seller sends me the items..I get them today and instantly think.."omg, what happens if they were pissed at me for opening a claim and laced this box/item with anthrax"? HELLO..where the HECK did this come from? Now I am scared that I may have breathed it in and im going to die a slow and painful death

..You guys, I'm NOT crazy! I swear! I have never had any thoughts like this before! Where this thought came from, I have NO clue! it's scaring me..I almost called my hubby to come home because I feel OUT there with the thought pattern. its like one thought goes into another one and then I obsess over the new thought..recently it was stomach cancer...now this...I can't take this much longer. Now I will be scared out of my mind that I am anthrax ridden or something. Right now my head feels wierd and my thoughts keep turning to, could it be IT!I can't believe I am telling you all this..because I feel like a mental case freak who needs to be put in a ward somewhere!!! Am I losing my mind, seriously???
[/quote]

I've had this numb little toe since sunday (to large socks on sat tight shoes) but I googled it .. so now Im sure I have MS .. Im with you I think all kinds of crazy things @

[quote name='carybeary' date='Dec 10 2009, 04:29 PM' post='322984']
Hi,
I have OCD (an anxiety disorder) and I live with those thoughts all the time. (I'm not saying you have OCD!). But, I want you to know that what I learned in therapy is that everyone has thoughts that can be considered weird or "paranoid" but most people just think about it and say to themselves "What a crazy thought" and then go about their business.
The difference between people with OCD and the rest of the population is we think "Oh no, WHAT IF?!!!" and then place importance on the thought.
Then we run around seeking reassurance to make sure that what we are worried about is not going to happen (i.e. googling symptoms!).
Yes Carybeary,
exactly the same as you and going through peri made it worse. I have gone through all the what if and go through the weirdest negative scenarios in my head even when the rational side of me knows that I am being illogical. I just focus on the worse. I find that my AD is very useful as it has been now better for the past few days.
I thought for the longest time that I had breast cancer because of on going pain sometimes very sharp under the nipples. then with peri, I thought I had MS, colon cancer, brain tumor, celiac disease, throat cancer, glaucoma, and I am forgetting some! the only thing I don't worry about is my heart. I worry as well when I don't worry because I think I must be overseeing something.
What the h...! Today was a good day but who knows what I will discover tomorrow.
take care ps sisters, there are better days coming ahead of us
MrsBuff

hello Didgens,
Well, made the same mistake as you and ended up having a nerve conducting test. The doctor spent his time convincing me it was not MS but he gave me all kind of test for it. I was so scared, it could be part of a good comedy show if it were not so sad!
take care
Mrs Buff

Hi

I had the nerve conduction test too. But my GYN sent me to the neuro and the neuro thought I had MS! I went through brain MRI's, conduction tests, spine MRI's..I swear the nerve conduction test was worse then the thought of having MS. But my hubby and I worried and panicked the entire time, only to find out I was okay. I was freaked out, but not like I would be now! I would be a basketcase..now I have stomach cancer, colon cancer and fighting a sore throat so I am sure I have the flu...*sigh*

Hi dear Slo66,
I am so sorry. I have now had 3 sore throats in the past 2 months. It feels really itchy and scratchy and I can't drink my lemon juice in the morning as it makes it worse and then it goes away. Me I thought I had colon cancer 2 weeks ago but now I know it is my anxiety talking to me. Being on Cymbalta has helped me to settle down the anxiety. It is still here but I can talk to myself now and cool down.
I wish I could give you a hug as I so so know how you feel and it is hard to go to bed feeling so worried and waking up having the same feeling.
I am sending you a special wish just for you that tomorrow will be a better and merrier carefree day
You take care dear Sister
Mrs Buff

I thought I had MS, ALS and god knows what else. My Dr. said I wasn't presenting symptoms common to MS. I totally freaked out earlier this year, what a mess!! I had a regular ole mammogram and once I had it I acted as if I had breast cancer from the time I walked into the xray area. I was crying as I left. It was pure h#ll until I got the results saying all is good. I think I told the whole story on this board somewhere. I was a nutbag but in rereading the story it is *******' hilarious in a really really sick way, lol. I stopped the d@mn googling, I swear it's the devils tool. Of course my AD has helped me tremendously. Not 100% perfect but I stay semi rational most of the time. The only thing is I did not insist on all kinds of testing. Blood tests through me through the roof for g=d sakes, lol. I feel for all of you who go through this gamut of tests and the increased anxiety that goes with that to find out nothing is wrong (which of course is a good thing). I just don't believe in exposing myself to xrays or radiation unless I truly truly have to. I hope all of us who suffer with this bizarre symptom of Peri Meno get some relief. It is to me one of the worse of the 34 symptoms because the anxiety it causes affects our whole body and that just feeds the monster. Take care, Mich

D@mn it annoys me when I spell words wrong=== "threw" me "through"

Count me in too ladies.

I cannot even bring myself to say what I think I may of had,incase if I say I will then get it if I haven,t already!!

Then if I have a good day I panic thinking if I feel ok probably means I,m not ok!!!

YIKES

KathS

P.S Santa please bring me a new brain for christmas

Don't feel bad, I do the same thing. I go from feeling "normal" to being afraid to let my six year old sleep in his room because I am afraid something might happen during the night and I wouldn't hear it. I also obsess over finances - constantly. I NEVER used to be like this. I feel like some alien has taken over my body and mind. I can't think during the day (except to worry about things) and I can't sleep at night (lately its night sweats). I always feel like I have been hit by a train...LOL...then I worry that it could really happen. This has been slowly getting worse over the last three months and I am driving my family crazy. The hubby is not very understanding and thinks that its all in my head and I just need to get over it. My mom tells me I need to ignore it, she went through it and didn't let it control her (yeah, thats what she thinks). I feel pretty alone and the severity is making me crazy (crazier?)

Hang in there, that is what I am trying to do.

Your not alone Songweaver we are all here for each other.

And a big welcome also.

KathS

Thanks Kaths! It feels good to not be alone! :-)

hello Kath S,
How are you doing. I have just arrived on the board. I had a long day teaching and I started to obsess on the computer which has a virus and shut down so we cannot access some of your data. So my husbandn does all our investement on line. We are self-employed so we have to save for our retirment so I started to obsess with that today. What about if a hacker get into our info and we loose everything. I had my husband call the investement site to check if there was any activity. The madness of being OCD and GAD. GRrrrrrrrrrr. Anyway, except of having the song in my ear for now few days. yesterday was Hawai 5 0, today was back to lady GAGA Bad Romance. What the H.... I am teaching in class and start singing in my head!!!
Hello Songweaver611,
Welcome to the site where all the wacko thinking, weird symptoms of peri/menoland. It is the best site you could have found if you feel you are going mad. Never hesitate to call on us if you need info, need to cry, to laugh, to share a joke, a problem need a hug need some support. WE are here for each other and do not judge. Just listen and open our arms. This site has been my life saver. So many wonderful wonderful knowledgable women. Granted some us sound a little crazy at times but that's what make this site feel so normal.
HUgs to both of you
Mrs Buff

Slo, I live in the town where the anthrax came from. It scares the **** out of me all the time. They have all kinds of nasty stuff there. Besides the anthrax they have nerve agents and other wonderful biological warfare agents. I get scared they may have a leak and the lab is only about 5 miles from my house!

I was diagnosed at age 37 with POF. Since then I have convinced myself that I have had everything from Diabetes, Liver disease, Lupus and other diseases. It seems as if I get a thought in my head and just worry and obsess over it until I prove it to be not true.. Hang in there. I really think low estroge causes something in the brain to question your own mortality. Fear of dying? I guess...

I have been a constant worrier my whole life as well as many of you. I can recall asking my parents about death form an early age and worrying that they would die during the night and told me they really didn't know for sure if they wouldnt when they tried to assure me they were fine. So here I am at 50 and have had some rough years while in the throes of meno. Since the summer I have been much better and have no idea why. Suddenly thought, the last two days i feel so nervous and worried. Why, who knows? I just am. I am worried about my kids, maybe this one has this or that, not that here is any reason for this, but I can't get negative thoughts out of my mind. I worked out hoping to change my mood, but no luck. I am so mad since it's been so long. Maybe I am still low in estrogen. I started pellets three weeks ago and I guess something is off. UGH!!!!!

There is something going on these last two days, something in the air, I swear. I have been relatively fine until the last two days as well. Maybe the earth and the weather and the moon and the stars... jeesh who knows... since we can't get answers anywhere else might as well think it's the something in the air that throws our bodies off. I don't know. Today isn't as bad as yesterday, but, I gotta go out in the rain and handle some stuff... So out I go to brave the wilds

I can relate. I have been a constant worrier too, my whole life. I remember thinking about my parents dying and getting so upset over those morbid thoughts. I still do that. My mom passed a few years back and it really sent me in a nosedive. Now I worry about my health all the time and dying. I have been anxious the past few days myself and since ive lost more weight, I am really upset. When does it ever end....