Suddenly out of nowhere and I mean NOWHERE I simply am beside myself with anger/dissapointment/sadness concerning my husband. NOTHING has changed between us except I feel us drifting apart again. He says he feels it to and doesn't like it either. I find myself going from "fine" when he is gone to either sad or extremely angry when he walks in a room. It's frustrating because I want to leave him to get away from the anger issues not him. Everything he does is driving me nuts and I feel like everything about him is MAGNIFIED when he walks in a room and it is just rubbing me the wrong way. It's like an electrical charge in the air that is annoying. Ideas? Points? Straightjacket?

When he says he feels it, does he mean he feels it coming from you or that he feels the same as you do "that you are drifting a part"? I know you guys had some rough patches in your marriage and you guys made it through. I think there are times we all go through that kind of feeling in a relationship. If pheramones have anything to do with hormones (or maybe it is just plain hormones) than maybe sometimes when the hormones go wacky the attraction/closeness feeling get's wacky too. How long has this feeling taken hold? This is just a thought and I can be completely offbase. It may be some repressed feelings from the years past when you stuck by your husband when he was drinking. As much as we think we have healed.... hurt/anger/disappointment can come back and then recede many times until it is fully purged. We all know how peri/meno can bring up all kinds of stuff from the past even things we think we have put to rest. You guys are a strong couple, I have faith you will work through this too.

It's a tough time for relationships.I'm sure a lot don't make it through meno.There are times I cry because my husband doesn't hug me and then times I want him out fast so I can deal with my stuff by myself.Whenever I feel doubts about our marriage I think wait until this stuff is over so your thinking more rationally.Our self asteam is also pretty low and when it is we tend to reject people.

((((big hugs)))) i totally understand what you're going through.

Thanks girls. When he said he feels it too it's on his behalf but I know it hurts him TERRIBLY when I pull away from him. When I pull away it's not because I don't love him. It actually has nothing to do with love at that moment but he thinks I no longer love him during those times and says that just destroys his heart. He told me about five years ago during the hardest part of the alcoholism this and it was during a sober moment.



"When you are angry with me, be angry. You have a lot of valid reasons to be angry with me but it doesn't mean you have to stop loving me because your angry. I know what I am and I know that hurts you. I don't drink to hurt you, I drink to make me feel less pain. When you pull your love away from me because you are angry it destroys my heart and makes me want to cry. So please, if you must be mad...simply be mad, but don't stop loving me. That hurts."

In 19 years I can honestly say this man have never ONCE pulled his love away from me. I imagine that would hurt.

Yesterday after our blowup, when he came back, he was no sooner in the door and had me wrapped in a hug asking what happened? Why were we bickering (we bicker now, we don't fight. Fighting is when I throw things and I'm not like that anymore). I told him I had no idea, I think I'm just mad and blaming you. So, i appologized and we kissed and made up and all is ok now.

HOW FREAKING WEIRD IS THAT???!!!

Not freaking weird at all, in my opinion!!!!!! I've been doing much worse lately and I know it's a combination of peri/hormone crap and the aftermath of the affair. It's been terribly difficult and very, very painful but we continue to try to stay together and work it out. I don't think this could have happened at a worse time in my life. An affair is hard enough at any time but throw in the hormones and WHAMMO, you've got insanity!!!! Ladybugs, the quote you gave from your husband tells me once again that you have a good man there...he has a very good and loving heart if he can even articulate those thoughts. I also know from your posts and the PMs you've sent to me that you have a loving heart as well. You two will be fine as long as you keep loving each other. Just don't let this peri crap tear you down. You've been through too much and fought so hard to survive as a couple to let it win. Go beat up on a pillow until you're too exhausted to take it out on him. BTW, isn't make up sex the best??? LOL
xoxo
Jan

What sex!!!??? Opps, that's on my part I suppose, ah but the thought is nice! How are you and hubby doing? PM and give me details girlfriend!!!

I knew you guys would work through it. These kind of moments happen, as long as you can find your way back, it's all good. Acknowledging your part in things is always a good thing. Your husband loves you and you love him, don't lose sight of that even during those moments of weirdness that happen. You guys didn't get through all you did to let stupid little gremlin horror-mones wreak any more havoc than they already do. Today I hate my horror-mones, they are not my friends. Take care, Mich