Wasn't sure what category to post this, but since it's more about relationships, I'll put it there. A week ago Friday, my fiance dumped bombshell on me that for past year or so (same time I started Peri!) something's been missing from our relationship. When I tell you... I did not see this coming. He asked me didn't I notice all the little changes.... I said I noticed some, but just thought they were related to job related stress and my health related stress. Some complaints he had was that he was feeling alone in the relationship, that I nag him, and nothing he does is ever good enough. Just little background....he moved into my place 4 years ago and I guess I still always refer to it as my house, not ours and I know I am controlling when it comes to how things are done in the house. This i've come to realize it a fault of mine that needs to be changed. Anyway, long story short, he left for about 3 days to take some time to think. Those 3 days were horrible. We had agreed to no contact and as each day passed, i started to think he thought this was over. On the third day he sent email and called me and said he wanted to come home. We got together, talked and things went great. All talks since last Wednesday have been very positive and he's been trying ever since to do whatever it takes to make me happy. And I have been happy, which is why NOW since we've made up and everything's going great, do I wake up every night in a panic and having one of those adrenaline surge hot flashes. And it puts me in a funk. I actually woke up out of dead sleep thinking that everything was a dream, that he didn't come back. Is it possible that these things are happening on a delayed reaction?? That all the stress I had been enduring earlier in the week is now coming out in dribs and drabs in my sleep? They are horrible and I just wish they would go away. The panic is scaring me and I just wish it would go away.

I know this probably doesn't make any sense. I'm trying to type all out on my break from work. I guess bottom line my question is to anyone who suffers from these surges.... can they be on a delay like this, or maybe there's another underlying problem? My fiance wants to put all this stuff behind us and move forward in our relationship and the anxiety/panic is making it very very difficult. I was actually doing very well with all my peri symptoms until this bombshell hit. Things were picking up and then bam, back to square one. AND.... to think about it, it was almost exactly a year since the last panic attack! Deja vue....

I am sorry that you are dealing with all these. I have to ask though how can he feel like every thing is better in 3 days?

Good question. There were things he was feeling in relationship that he didn't understand. Said that the initial spark wasn't there and that we just came home from work, ate, watched tv and slept. After discussing with his older sister who's married for good many years, come to find that's life. Yes, you have to try and and perk it up, but doesn't mean you've fallen out of love.

Also there were other things discussed that when I gave my explanation, made his change his mind. They were things that should've been discussed long time ago and he never brought them up for whatever reason. Now he feels knowing what issues are, we have opportunity to make them right.

Hope that makes sense.

This post makes a great deal of sense!
First of all I think that it is really important for you both to realise that peri menopause can be a real threat to any relationship. I am embarrassed to say that at one stage I became a cold, nit picking, screaming banshee. There, I said it! Luckily my relationship was so rock solid that we weathered the storm. I am now back to my calm, gentle self. Can you let your partner read some of the relevant posts here just to let him know what you are both dealing with?
As for the adrenaline surges that fill you with panic and dread, they are a force unto themselves which will lessen with time. They are also, sadly, a normal part of the 'process.' Perhaps you could copy and print off a few relevant posts from Powersurge and discuss them together. If you both understand how your hormonal fluctuations could damage your relationship, I think you will be in a better position to preserve it.
You already have a good insight into how those hormones are playing with your emotions so I think that you have everything you need to move on and keep that relationship healthy!


Take care,


XIII

Thanks XIII! I knew I could come here and you and all the girls of PS would help me feel better. I am forever grateful!

Glad you both are talking and airing your feelings.

Best of luck.