Dear Ladies,

Wanted to send a Thank You to all who have offered their time and support to this site!!
I think you may have saved my life!! I'm 47, married, and have no children. For the first time ever in my life I am dealing with issue's I have no clue about.
My life was normal then it went spiraling out of control over the past two years. I'm at my all time low, have not left my house for five days, normally do not get dressed all day, refuse to answer my phone, and I cannot bare the thought of facing people in general. My anger is off the chart for no known reason, and I cry each and everyday without fail. I did not understand until this morning after reading some of the information found here that menopause could have these types of effects. I thought I was suffering from some sort of break down, honest I felt like I would not live much longer. You have no idea how much help it has offered finding others who could somehow understand what is happening.

I have not been to any gyn for six years now, it's a fear thing! The last doctor I went to was a wonderful lady doc, we had such a good relationship. She relocated to another state and I have not found no one who I trust since. I did schedule an appointment with a new doctor, all he was interested in is what meds I was taking? None .. I was not on any meds! He acted as if I was some drug seeker person coming to ask for drugs?? He made me feel like such a whinny wimp because I was suffering from extreme cramps and clotting with my periods. I had used birth control pills in the past which did not fix the problem but did help. The cramps were managable and my cycle was more regular. He told me that was not birth control intended use. All he offered is drink more fluids (water) get more excercise, and take a tylenol when needed. Duhhhh!! I did not need to go the doctor to be told that crap! I have always been a very active person, excercise was a part of my life already! I left angry and have not gone back to any doctor since. Now, I am suffering to the point I need help but cannot bring myself to go through this type treatment again!! In Auguest I did go to my family doctor and had a complete blood work up done and everything came back normal. He included a thyroid check and that was normal as well. The only reason I did this was because of my husband's worry.

I am not a complainer, I get quiet. I have huddled up in this house trying to do this on my own not knowing what was going with me. I have no support other than my husband who is a wonderful man, but he's a man!! I have little family, lost both parents several years ago, have one brother. No mother to go to with questions. I'm ashamed of the way I feel unable to change. So many things in my life have changed! This has to be hard on my husband, no way can he understand what is happening and I cannot expect him to live with me in this condition. I could care less what I look like! Always in life I have taken care with my appearence, now I'm lucky to wash my hair! There is not one thing that I look forward to other than being alone. When I'm alone all I do is cry and worry, what's to look forward to about that? I don't understand??? It's so exhausting!! I had to ask myself .. do I want to be sad? I have no major drama going on in my life that could bring on these types of feelings that I am aware of. Talking about sleep .. I'm lucky to get three hours without waking. For the last two months I have slept on the couch so I don't keep my husband up at night. He's concerned and I have no idea what to tell him? He wants his wife back and I have no clue where she went! I am like a stranger to myself .. I'm scared not knowing what will happen next? Death I suppose? I hope I can find strength to step out and seek the help I need!!

After visiting this site, I don't feel so dark and alone! Thank You All So Very Much!!

Sincerely,
Vaylorie

Thanks for letting me share!

You are in the right forum!! I would like for you to find a doctor and get a check up, 6 years is a long time.

Hi Vaylorie,

A very warm welcome to PS.

This place has been my saviour on many a bad day.

All I can say is just read and post,there are so many wonderful knowledgeable women on here,who will help you get through this and make this difficult scary time a little easier to bare.

Hope to see you around the boards alot more

Take care Vaylorie


KathS

Hey there...I think most of us have been/are in the same place. I went on bio-identical hormones and regained my life.


I did not need shrink...I did not ADs,...I just needed my hormone levels restored. I am now a power-house of energy and feel great. I can't tell you how I suffered before, and along with me, my family.

Why no one told me, I have no idea. Menopause & peri seems to be a big secret!

Keep reading....

Hugs from me to you,
Shebee

I can relate completely. I feel like an alien stepped into my body. Like you I can go days laying in bed, not caring about how I look. My husband knows and understands. I force myself to get up and shower and have a day or two of looking somewhat decent just so he doesn't think I have totally disappeared. I too have a fear of Dr.s. I have kept up with Mammo's and had blood work, due for a pap but need to work up to that. This kind of fear was foreign to me prior to a year ago. Always did my reg. check ups. We are close in age so I get all of it. I am on an AD and use anti anxiety meds as needed (mostly to sleep). The AD helps with the panic anxiety to a great degree, xanax helps me sleep. However, I have become a hermit for 90% of the time. On occasion I can get myself to step out of the house. Don't feel alone. Some of us feel the need to retreat from the world, maybe the over stimulation of interacting with people and the outside world in general is just too much for us at this time. There are many of us who respond to peri in this manner. I can't say I love it but I feel how I feel right now and I only hope it runs it's course sooner rather than later. Until then me and my bed and remote control have become quite close. Take care of yourself, you are in the right place. You will get lots of support and understanding here. Take care, Mich

I feel your pain.....there are days the dark cloud comes over me too......I know its hard right now to think about doing anything but you must get help. For me it was calling my local compound pharmacy and asking them which doctors in the area worked with them....that way I knew I had a doctor that was open to bio hormones. I then had a saliva test done and got on the hormones I needed plus supplements to strenghthen my body. My adrenals were shot when this all started and its been a journey. It takes time to heal but if you can just take a baby step you'll be on your way. The depression is a new symptom for me and it was caused by my estrogen being low.....I just started the estrogen a few weeks ago and now I wait and take it one day at a time. You said you used to exercise....maybe taking a baby step in this area too.....a short walk.....a video. I made myself take a class to be around people....we just moved to a new state so I don't know anyone....this has helped.

I'll be praying for you......

Oars

Hi vaylorie,
Glad you found us. You are not alone anymore. We are all going through most of the same things and we try to get each other through it
the best we can. You will find alot of support,love& advice here.

Lara

helloooooo vaylorie


i was exactly like you before i found this forum ! , when ever i feel down or need someone to chat to or write my feelings down i come straight right on here , it makes me smile and feel better when ive been on , so your not alone we have one great family here take care

spice x

I am glad you found us too. Do you have anyone you can ask that may know compassionate doctors? Does your primary care physician know any? Maybe that would be a place to start. Is there a womens' senter at teh nearby hospital? Maybe they would be a good place also. I would like to see you get some help. I bet those hormones are doing a number on you and making you feel this way. I am 49, So I have been there and still am going through it.

Coming here is the best place to get information and compassion. Keep posting and reading and hopefully feeling better.

welcome to ps- i too up until last month didnt see a doc in 10 yrs, but its a great releif knowing that every test came back ok, it releives
alot of anxiety, and no you are not going crazy , what you are is sick, your hormones are causing all kinds of
physical and emotional pain, the first thing you need to do is clarify that with a drs physical, beleive me the releif
on having one is worth the testsing, and maybe get some releif for the anxiety /or deppression, there are
alot of good meds now for that , and you might have to go thru a couple to find
which one works best for you, and beleive me , ive been thru the wringer and back, it gets better..... come to ps often...

Oh My Gosh .. You have no idea at my Surprise when reading all the thoughtful reply's.
Somehow the words "Thank You" do not come close to describing how grateful I am for the kindness I found!

After I made that post of couse I cried for a half hour .. then I worried when I logged back in I would get some message about how I was not approved to use this site! See, how my mind is working? This is the first time I have ever shared my true feelings. I'm so glad I did it here where others who relate could recoginize what was happening with me! I could have never said these things to others for fear of their judgment. What a wonderful blessing to find my way to this awesome family! Sincerely, Thank You!!

I feel a hundred times better, nothing has changed I know but just feeling uplifted and positive feels so great at this moment! Plus, I'm not crying thank goodness! I got dressed (just in jeans and a tee-shirt) and even ventured outside to take a short walk! I felt like a vampire when the sun hit my eyes from being inside the house for so long! I want to start a list of what I need to focus on and what I should do first. I assume getting an appointment with a doctor will be my first priority. Will not be easy to find a good doctor without knowing a thing about them. I feel very comfortable with the the nurse at my family doctor, maybe I could call her and ask if she could refer me to someone who could help? Better than picking a name out of a phone book.

My husband will be such a happy man when he comes home tonight! When I tell him I want to get help he will be so surprised. I feel like I have taken the first step in dealing with what is happening to me. I would have never done this on my own! I would have sat here until I rotted! I understand this will be a process but learning what is happening with my body has been like a Godsend!

With great pleasure .. I am smiling!
Vaylorie

I am so happy to hear you are smiling and you felt the "love" and understanding that is here for you. I laughed when you said you felt like a vampire when you went outside as that is how I describe myself. I always call myself the vampire. I just told my hubbie last night I think the reason I love the night time is A. because it feels more peaceful to me the world slows down (and then I feel a bit more normal to everyone else, lol) and B. when I am laying in bed at least it's the appropriate time, lol. I always feel a bit better at night too. I lay in bed far too much. I wish that I felt more like interacting with the world but I don't. I get out or have an activity once or twice a week and that is more than enough for me. Well, I need to hop in the shower I am starting to offend myself . Keep coming back and so happy that we could help you not feel so alone. Take care, Mich

Welcome Vaylorie!

As you can see I have posted A LOT!...I have been coming here the last 22 months or so to find solace and to know that I am not alone.....yes, I do have friends, in their 40's and a couple in their early 50's......but none seem to be having such a huge problem....dare I say YET!......not that I am wishing it upon them, just that I want them to see what all my moaning is about!!!

I began with all this c**p about 4 years ago when I was 45......and stopped having periods when I was 47.....some things have improved, and some not. I have been working with an alternative practice, but am getting slightly frustrated with slow improvements in some departments and about to decide on either tinkering with a very small amount of DHEA (according to my latest adrenal test results I could do with some) or spend the earth going to a bio-dentical Dr. (believe me I have already spent a fortune over the past 5 years!).

You need to seek advice, definately.....BUT, listen to your body and educate yourself.....there is so much information by the girls on here that you will think you've earned a degree in menopause!

Good luck...stay positive...this life is for living, loving and laughing a lot.

Welcome to PS.

It took me quite sometime before I found PS too. I was constantly being told that all of this crap was in my head and that there was no way I could be anywhere near menopause or peri for that matter. This all started age 36 and I am now 46.

Coming here and reading and posting was someone lifted a dark curtain off of my mind and life. I thought to myself, OMG, there are other women who feel like me!!!!!!!!! They are experiencing the same crap as me!!!! I finally found a lot of answers and information that I desperately needed. I still have bad days and lots of anxiety but now, I know that I am not alone. I know that I am not lsoing my mind. And I know that this is a passing experience - not death as I was always worrying about dying from something that no one had heard of or just dropping over dead by myself.

I am glad that you found this site. I think it is an excellent idea to try and see a doctor even though it is tough to do (I do not do doctors well either).

Big hugs to you,
Jeaninne

Vaylorie, you poor thing! You do not have to go through this alone. We are all here to help you. I am 53 (well almost) and felt just like you when I was 49. Just like you I did not know what had hit me. Suddenly I was scared to death, could not sleep, eat, or function. I went to my family doctor who was no help. She was a young woman who had just had her first baby, what did she know about menopause?? Then I went to a Neurologist and NOTHING, I was fine! I then found Power Surge; my life saver.

The first thing I think you need to do, and I see you agree, is tell your husband what you have found here on Power Surge. You may be surprised at how supportive he is. After all, men know that menopause is inevitable and can cause hot flashes, but a vast majority do not know all the other symptoms it can cause; I know mine didn't. Second, make a doctor's appointment. If you don't like that doctor then find another and keep doing this until you find one that you are comfortable with. While you are doing those 2 things you must somehow find the inner strength to take control of your life or this feeling will eat you up; trust me, I know. I know it sounds impossible right now but it sounds like you are typically a very strong women. Tap into that strength that is eluding you right now and use it to beat this thing. Last but not least; be open to try different things that might help you. Perhaps a short time of anti-depressants would help; just to get you through this. I only took them (Lexapro) for 6 months and it turned my life around at that time. I then got off them and was able to function normally. I still have bouts of depression from time to time, something I had never had in the first 49 years of my life. I am considering hormone replacement theary now just see if it will help.

Hang in there, and visit often. We are all going thorugh the same thing and we understand.

Hi Valerie~~~

You have already discovered that you are not alone in the nasty part of our lives which takes perfectly happy sane women and turns us into a ball of nerves. Oh yes! I have been where you are and I am here to tell you that it will not last! You will be back to your wonderful self sooner rather than later. I know that we are all different and perhaps what I did to help myself may or may not work for you, but after reading that you went for a walk after finding the wonderful comfort of the great ladies of PS Forum, I think perhaps some of what I did may help. Please allow me to share.

I am 49, not too much older than yourself. I still have periods and all of my blood work came back normal like yours. My gyno is wonderful and she recognized my symptoms (panic anxiety, worry, not wanting to leave the house for a month, heart palpitations, tingling,etc. etc.) were all peri symptoms. I had several tests including a cardio echo stress test and cat scan all which proved fine and dandy. So I am in peri. Now what?

A trusted friend recommended her therapist to help me with the panic anxiety--even though it was related to the peri, I still needed some direction in managing/overcoming it. The therapist recommended a great book which gave me the tools to face panic and not be afraid of it. The book is titled "Don't Panic". I learned that your mind is so powerful and worry can take on a life of its own and turn us into jelly, esp. during peri. If you are creative (artist, writer, etc.) like me, our imaginations can work overtime (in a bad way) during this time in our lives. I taught myself a mantra which I had to first shout at myself (in my mind) and then it just became routine: "It's just a thought. It can't control me." I would repeat it whenever anxiety would scratch at me. And it suppressed it. Sounds so esoteric, but it did work.

Also my gyno suggested I take Estroven, an herbal supplement and multi-vitamin. According to my neighbor who is a Doctor of Pharmacy, black cohosh (which is in Estroven) is the only herb which has been medically tested and approved to help with peri menopause. It took over two months for the Estroven to really get into my system and start working but I feel like my old self these days. I don't take any prescription meds, not because I don't like them,but because I wanted to manage my symptoms on my own or with herbs and if that didn't work, I would consult with my gyno on other strategies.

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you, but if you work on you wonderful mind first, and continue to take those steps to get out of the house and back into your life, it will become habit. This is a two steps forward one step back procedure, but over time (for me it was over three months) you will be Valerie again. Peri symptoms are hell, but you have found support here. Welcome ))))~~~~XXOO, Beth

Please forgive me for mis-spelling your lovely name. I just realized my error. ~~~XXOO, Beth

...and welcome to you too Beth!......I see you are just down the road from me....I am in Sterling, VA.

I am about to work with a new therapist here soon, she is in your neck of the woods too.......I do believe in the cognitive behavourial way....it does work...although I also realise that you have to really work at it to make it work!

Caz

(((hugs))) to you!!! I am so happy you found PS, it has been a true lifesave to me! The women here have been my rock. I am so sorry you are having a hard time, but I agree with the above that getting a good physical and seeing what a good doctor can do to help you feel better. This is an amazing group of women and I hope to see you around. Take Care~

Hey Caz~~~Good to know I'm not the only "Surger" in NoVA ~~~If you want to email me ehfedorko@peoplepc.com we can compare therapists, et. al.~~XXOO, Beth

Vaylorie, you may find some Surgettes in your neck of the woods. Connecting locally has been a huge help for me too!~~~XXOO, Beth

Hello Vaylorie,

Vaylorie, welcome to this site. Your post bought tears to my eyes. Please don't worry any longer. Come here often you will always find some dear ladies who will help you.

First find a kind and sympathetic dr for a complete check up, this would be a good start to help you allay those awful fears we all have to differing extents during this roller coaster ride called peri.

You do not deserve to feel this bad - big hugs coming your way.

Jackie

Welcome Vaylorie I was sure I was going to end up in a mental hospital when this first hit me [45]I didn't want to go anywhere at the beginning,especially when I had anxiety and panic.Things settle down after a while and you learn coping skills.I'm still in the process of convincing my husband that it's real and I'm not just lazy.We deserve this time to heal and educate ourselves,and realize we are not alone.I'm glad you found us you will find comfort here. [[[[[Hugs]]]] Lumz

Welcome Vaylorie, you will not be alone here. Such wonderful women hang out here on PS. You are in the right place.

I live in Tennessee too.

I was reading your post and thinking about my symptoms. I am going through some similar ones as you. I am married, no children. I have a father whom I just recently got close to, sisters and a brother. I lost my mom 4 yrs ago suddenly. She was my everything..my best friend, both parents, etc. I feel so alone because I also have no one to talk to. I wish I could just pick up the phone and call my mom and cry, but I can't. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who is trying as best he can, but as you said, he's a man. They can only understand so much. He tries and tries and sometimes just his hugs are enough, other times I get frustrated because he can't relate. Not his fault, but it's frustrating the same. My sisters are great but have their own lives and stuff going on, so they can lend an ear, but its not often and usually turns to them in the end. My brother has the typical male outlook on menopause and that's all women go street rat crazy, once they hit the dreaded M. I feel at times that I will never be able to leave the house or live a normal life again. That I won't be able to enjoy all the things I used to, even things as simple as cooking, shopping, seeing family & friends. I feel cheated and I feel I am cheating my husband out of a "normal" life. it's just all taking it's toll on me. Every day, mostly evening time, I have dreaded thoughts that my life is ending..i'm going to die soon, etc. I have gotten to the point that food is turning me off and i dont want to eat. When i do, I have diarrhea and seem to lose everything I ate. Which isn't much in the first place. So, i can relate to you..just trust that you aren't alone. Sometimes I forget that, but then I come on the boards and read other stories and it puts a lot into perspective.

I've read this thread so many times and each time it helps so much! Thanks for all the support and advice, makes such a difference when people are positive. All of you have given me so much to consider and ideas to start with. By chance I found a female doctor who I want to try. Was a referral from a friend's mother. Suppose to offer special needs for peri and meno. I really hope she will someone I will be able to talk with and feel comfortable with. I have taken notes so I can focus better for this first visit. I will be a nervous wreck. Thank you all for the help to get me started in the right direction. Your help is what I credit for me taking this first step.

Vaylorie

Dear 'lobo25'
Am also very glad you are here with us too and that you are getting some good advice and ideas on how to handle this transitional stage.
As you say it is difficult and for some more than others.However, I am a bit wary of ladies who say they are 'breezing' through.
Hope you will be well too
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

Dear 'sloe66'
Yes it is true being a part of this Forum is fantastic.
Even though I was Menopausal many years ago I still love to come back here and share.
It can often be a 'lonely ,dark and frightening place.Thank God your husband is supportive but like you say they really do not get it.
Eventually all your symptoms will start to get better and one day you will leave the house and join life again
However please do get a full check-up with your Doctor and Gyno. as it seems your stomach is suffering badly due to your anxiety.
When I was Menopausal ,many years ago there was not much available on the market to give relief but now there are lots of great Herbal supplements plus the Bio-Identical Hormones that many ladies have had success with.
So please keep on Posting and know you have our full support.
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

Dear 'Vaylorie'
So pleased that you have found a female Doctor who hopefully will understand and be able to help you.
You have taken the first step so that is great
Do not worry about being a nervous wreck We have all been there ,dear friend
Glad you are writing all your symptoms down.This way you will not forget anything.
Please let us know how the visit goes!
We are all rooting for you!
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

Thanks so much Elizabeth. Your support helps, I appreciate it. I have an appt soon to go see my doctor about my stomach issues. it is suffering and not eating is not helping my situation..

Slo66, so much of what you posted rings home with me. I lost my mom as well and miss her so much. I wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to her. Unlike you I do have 1 daughter and a husband and they have been wonderful but I just can't keep bothering them with my feelings. This has been going on for over 3 years and I am post meno for 2 years. I still get hot flashes, sleeplessness, and depression or just sadness. I too have dreaded thoughts that my life is ending and I am going to die soon. When all this started 3 years ago I was not eating either but took ADs for 6 months and got better fast and I weened off of them, but it has been returning on and off for the past year. I really hate feeling this way. I just want to enjoy life and forget about all this other stuff but my mind won't let me. I guess I should just embrace the good days and learn to put up with the bad days because I do have some good days and some bad days. The hardest part is hding it from my family. I don't want to worry them the way I did back then; besides it was embarrassing to be that way. Best of luck to you my sister in this jouney. I'm sure we will have many good days ahead!