I have a partner, although I don't live with him. We have been seeing each other over a year.
I am sure he is determined to make me more annoyed than I get already with PMS.
He knows I am having trouble with the hormones yet he continues to create problems. Every time I say anything to him the response is "oh it's your hormones talking again" and dismisses everything I have to say.
This is really getting me down to the point that I don't want to see him.
Why blame everything on my hormones?
I have directed him to a couple of websites that explain in detail about peri and full menopause so that he is prepared. He is fed up of my constant menstruation - which I have no control over. Then it makes me feel guilty.
He is in psychotherapy himself at the moment - he is widowed and is having trouble letting go of the past - but even that gets turned round to being 'your hormones'
Am fed up of this.
Anyone else have this trouble?
Full Version: Problem with my Boyfriend
I do not have this problem,but I feel awful for you and just wanted to say that if you value the relationship then sit him down and say"I will tell you when my hormones are causing my problems,please do not try to bundle everything together as "my hormones".Ask him how he would feel if every time he had a problem you blamed his penis?Seriously,I would just ask him to not bring the subject of hormones up anymore-tell him it is off limits unless you are the one who initiates the conversation.GOD-bless
There's an episode of "All In The Family" where Edith is going through menopause and she's very moody, crying, mad at the world, etc. Archie tells her "Alright Edith, you have 30 seconds.......now change!!" I swear, SO many men really do think that way. Our men need to be educated! 
QUOTE (Texasgirl @ Oct 2 2009, 10:25 AM) 
There's an episode of "All In The Family" where Edith is going through menopause and she's very moody, crying, mad at the world, etc. Archie tells her "Alright Edith, you have 30 seconds.......now change!!" I swear, SO many men really do think that way. Our men need to be educated!
Oh gosh.. I sooo remember that!! My dad was laughing so hard I thought he was going to have a stroke, and my mom just rolled her eyes at him!
Marshanda love... I'm afraid you have bigger problems than your hormones! Your problem is you're with a man who's not listening to you. In his defense, he may not know how to help you so he gets defensive and blames YOU. Typically when someone blames another it's because they're feeling inadequate, and somewhat responsible so they turn it all around on the OTHER person. Not the right thing to do. We're ALL guilty of this from time to time, but he needs to get over it, and FAST. You have bigger fish to fry, like your well being, to be dealing with this.
Much luck!!!!
wow if this is how he acts after only one+ year your in trouble, we were still in our honeymoon phase at that point, this is a clue for you to get out now rather than later, sorry, just an out siders veiw point.....good luck
Yes he has problems.
I get the blame for everything, rather my hormones do.
I get the blame for everything, rather my hormones do.
after having been married to a blamer, minimizer previously divorced guy, I can say one of the biggest problems was his 'minimization' Your guy sounds like he is well entrenched in minimizing blaming others behavior. it made me crazy, any time I was hurt, or in the hospital, he pretended it didn't even register with him
anything that he didn't want to acknowledge, work on, pay attention to, he simply said something like 'that's no big deal' including when I miscarried our children, when my family elders were sick in the hospital, when I needed any care and attention from him, and finally, famously, said thats no big deal and hung up on me when I called him from the ER on an out of state business trip to let him know I had been admitted for chest pains and arythmia.
our marriage counselor said he had 'borderline' personality disorder, a component of which is radical narcissism. nothing matters but him, and things he cares about. which apparently wasn't me.
he complained bitterly the night after I had major pelvic etc surgery to clear up polyps that might have been causing our miscarriages. I ended up in the ER 24 hours post op with a suspected bleed out into my stomach, it was distended like pg x3 and hard as a rock and I felt like crap. they gave me a shot of morphine for the pain.
as he sat there silently the whole time, I finally reached out to hold his hand and said ' at least we are together on Valentine's' trying to find some calm and humor in the pain, and in his silence. his response was to snarl 'this is the last place I would want to be on Valentine's' ok. I cried so hard the doctors came in to find out what was wrong. I was in so much pain that is when they gave me the morphine shot.
the next day back at home, xh acted like nothing was wrong. that's another trick minimizers and blamers do. they gut you out with their comments and actions and leave you crying then the next day call you like they do every day like nothing at all is wrong!
he eventually spiralled down in to a huge depression over the years, and started acting out in very angry moody ways, heavy drinking, so that one night he threatened to hit me, and I fled my home, never to return. police showed up.
If anyone had told me the few small things I saw about him while dating would have blown into a major police episode, I would have saved all agony he put me through. not to mention the huge sums of money wasted during the divorce. divorce is a financial wipe out. think twice.
anything that he didn't want to acknowledge, work on, pay attention to, he simply said something like 'that's no big deal' including when I miscarried our children, when my family elders were sick in the hospital, when I needed any care and attention from him, and finally, famously, said thats no big deal and hung up on me when I called him from the ER on an out of state business trip to let him know I had been admitted for chest pains and arythmia.
our marriage counselor said he had 'borderline' personality disorder, a component of which is radical narcissism. nothing matters but him, and things he cares about. which apparently wasn't me.
he complained bitterly the night after I had major pelvic etc surgery to clear up polyps that might have been causing our miscarriages. I ended up in the ER 24 hours post op with a suspected bleed out into my stomach, it was distended like pg x3 and hard as a rock and I felt like crap. they gave me a shot of morphine for the pain.
as he sat there silently the whole time, I finally reached out to hold his hand and said ' at least we are together on Valentine's' trying to find some calm and humor in the pain, and in his silence. his response was to snarl 'this is the last place I would want to be on Valentine's' ok. I cried so hard the doctors came in to find out what was wrong. I was in so much pain that is when they gave me the morphine shot.
the next day back at home, xh acted like nothing was wrong. that's another trick minimizers and blamers do. they gut you out with their comments and actions and leave you crying then the next day call you like they do every day like nothing at all is wrong!
he eventually spiralled down in to a huge depression over the years, and started acting out in very angry moody ways, heavy drinking, so that one night he threatened to hit me, and I fled my home, never to return. police showed up.
If anyone had told me the few small things I saw about him while dating would have blown into a major police episode, I would have saved all agony he put me through. not to mention the huge sums of money wasted during the divorce. divorce is a financial wipe out. think twice.
Here is the unfortunate part in all this.......husbands, significant others who have been brought up with that old adage of "Oh ignore her she is PMSing......even my daughters boyfriend will say this to her.......and my own son will do it to his girlfriend. Mind you as supportive as my own husband tries to be he did over the years remark on my mood swings as "Uh oh she is in PMS mode again". Infuriating at best however............when young boys hear this they tend to mimic. And the result is.........men who try to downgrade it and make fun of it. And they wonder why some women completely flip out during meno? Despite the fact that the guys believe its funny to make light of it........sometimes they seriously put their relationships into jeopardy. And then when it all comes crashing down.................its the hormones. 
Oh ladies - if I can stress one thing is RUN, do not walk, from relationships like this. How awful and demeaning to be snarled at by a jack*ss while YOU are in agony, trying to "soothe things over" about how it was the LAST PLACE HE WANTED TO BE. Anyone, male or female, who dismisses someone else's pain IS a borderline personality. Their next sentence usually starts with "I" ....
The worst part is that yes, sometimes you don't recognize them right away, but when you do, and you challenge them, it is like opening up a can of demons you cannot put back.
We are all going through changes, we have since we were born, but now we are older, wiser and must stay INFORMED - don't lie to yourself (i.e. oh he was having a bad day, I DO have heavy periods, etc.) and do not waste your time. I always tell my friends that it was far lonelier in my marriage than it ever was being single...I feel sick remembering begging my husband to please love me, hold me ... who wants to live like that.
It was hard trying to "go it alone" through meno - when I finally told my husband about it, I said that I had joined this forum, and was happily getting advice and support and lots of laughter and tears. He said "you will get through this, we are both getting older and going through changes that we both have to accept" ... because I of course want to GO BACK TO BEING THE WAY I WAS - he has helped me to learn to cope, and not keep thinking once I am through this I will be the same person - he is a kind soul - BUT if he even once said "oh it's PMS' or referred to my hormone's back years ago - he would have been in a headlock receiving nooogies until that language was out of his system (soft noogies, trust me). Men DO need to be educated, look up misogynist - there are lots out there, they truly, deep down inside, do NOT like women.
Keep away from this guy, or anyone who is remotely like this, talk about crushing someone when they are down ... you deserve so very much better, always.
xo
The worst part is that yes, sometimes you don't recognize them right away, but when you do, and you challenge them, it is like opening up a can of demons you cannot put back.
We are all going through changes, we have since we were born, but now we are older, wiser and must stay INFORMED - don't lie to yourself (i.e. oh he was having a bad day, I DO have heavy periods, etc.) and do not waste your time. I always tell my friends that it was far lonelier in my marriage than it ever was being single...I feel sick remembering begging my husband to please love me, hold me ... who wants to live like that.
It was hard trying to "go it alone" through meno - when I finally told my husband about it, I said that I had joined this forum, and was happily getting advice and support and lots of laughter and tears. He said "you will get through this, we are both getting older and going through changes that we both have to accept" ... because I of course want to GO BACK TO BEING THE WAY I WAS - he has helped me to learn to cope, and not keep thinking once I am through this I will be the same person - he is a kind soul - BUT if he even once said "oh it's PMS' or referred to my hormone's back years ago - he would have been in a headlock receiving nooogies until that language was out of his system (soft noogies, trust me). Men DO need to be educated, look up misogynist - there are lots out there, they truly, deep down inside, do NOT like women.
Keep away from this guy, or anyone who is remotely like this, talk about crushing someone when they are down ... you deserve so very much better, always.
xo
Oh ladies - if I can stress one thing is RUN, do not walk, from relationships like this. How awful and demeaning to be snarled at by a jack*ss while YOU are in agony, trying to "soothe things over" about how it was the LAST PLACE HE WANTED TO BE. Anyone, male or female, who dismisses someone else's pain IS a borderline personality. Their next sentence usually starts with "I" ....
The worst part is that yes, sometimes you don't recognize them right away, but when you do, and you challenge them, it is like opening up a can of demons you cannot put back.
We are all going through changes, we have since we were born, but now we are older, wiser and must stay INFORMED - don't lie to yourself (i.e. oh he was having a bad day, I DO have heavy periods, etc.) and do not waste your time. I always tell my friends that it was far lonelier in my marriage than it ever was being single...I feel sick remembering begging my husband to please love me, hold me ... who wants to live like that.
It was hard trying to "go it alone" through meno - when I finally told my CURRENT husband about it, I said that I had joined this forum, and was happily getting advice and support and lots of laughter and tears. He said "you will get through this, we are both getting older and going through changes that we both have to accept" ... because I of course want to GO BACK TO BEING THE WAY I WAS - he has helped me to learn to cope, and not keep thinking once I am through this I will be the same person - he is a kind soul - BUT if he even once said "oh it's PMS' or referred to my hormone's back years ago - he would have been in a headlock receiving nooogies until that language was out of his system (soft noogies, trust me). Men DO need to be educated, look up misogynist - there are lots out there, they truly, deep down inside, do NOT like women.
Keep away from this guy, or anyone who is remotely like this, talk about crushing someone when they are down ... you deserve so very much better, always.
xo
The worst part is that yes, sometimes you don't recognize them right away, but when you do, and you challenge them, it is like opening up a can of demons you cannot put back.
We are all going through changes, we have since we were born, but now we are older, wiser and must stay INFORMED - don't lie to yourself (i.e. oh he was having a bad day, I DO have heavy periods, etc.) and do not waste your time. I always tell my friends that it was far lonelier in my marriage than it ever was being single...I feel sick remembering begging my husband to please love me, hold me ... who wants to live like that.
It was hard trying to "go it alone" through meno - when I finally told my CURRENT husband about it, I said that I had joined this forum, and was happily getting advice and support and lots of laughter and tears. He said "you will get through this, we are both getting older and going through changes that we both have to accept" ... because I of course want to GO BACK TO BEING THE WAY I WAS - he has helped me to learn to cope, and not keep thinking once I am through this I will be the same person - he is a kind soul - BUT if he even once said "oh it's PMS' or referred to my hormone's back years ago - he would have been in a headlock receiving nooogies until that language was out of his system (soft noogies, trust me). Men DO need to be educated, look up misogynist - there are lots out there, they truly, deep down inside, do NOT like women.
Keep away from this guy, or anyone who is remotely like this, talk about crushing someone when they are down ... you deserve so very much better, always.
xo
QUOTE (Susy D. @ Oct 13 2009, 09:40 AM)
Oh ladies - if I can stress one thing is RUN, do not walk, from relationships like this. How awful and demeaning to be snarled at by a jack*ss while YOU are in agony, trying to "soothe things over" about how it was the LAST PLACE HE WANTED TO BE. Anyone, male or female, who dismisses someone else's pain IS a borderline personality. Their next sentence usually starts with "I" ....
The worst part is that yes, sometimes you don't recognize them right away, but when you do, and you challenge them, it is like opening up a can of demons you cannot put back.
We are all going through changes, we have since we were born, but now we are older, wiser and must stay INFORMED - don't lie to yourself (i.e. oh he was having a bad day, I DO have heavy periods, etc.) and do not waste your time. I always tell my friends that it was far lonelier in my marriage than it ever was being single...I feel sick remembering begging my husband to please love me, hold me ... who wants to live like that.
It was hard trying to "go it alone" through meno - when I finally told my CURRENT husband about it, I said that I had joined this forum, and was happily getting advice and support and lots of laughter and tears. He said "you will get through this, we are both getting older and going through changes that we both have to accept" ... because I of course want to GO BACK TO BEING THE WAY I WAS - he has helped me to learn to cope, and not keep thinking once I am through this I will be the same person - he is a kind soul - BUT if he even once said "oh it's PMS' or referred to my hormone's back years ago - he would have been in a headlock receiving nooogies until that language was out of his system (soft noogies, trust me). Men DO need to be educated, look up misogynist - there are lots out there, they truly, deep down inside, do NOT like women.
Keep away from this guy, or anyone who is remotely like this, talk about crushing someone when they are down ... you deserve so very much better, always.
xo
The worst part is that yes, sometimes you don't recognize them right away, but when you do, and you challenge them, it is like opening up a can of demons you cannot put back.
We are all going through changes, we have since we were born, but now we are older, wiser and must stay INFORMED - don't lie to yourself (i.e. oh he was having a bad day, I DO have heavy periods, etc.) and do not waste your time. I always tell my friends that it was far lonelier in my marriage than it ever was being single...I feel sick remembering begging my husband to please love me, hold me ... who wants to live like that.
It was hard trying to "go it alone" through meno - when I finally told my CURRENT husband about it, I said that I had joined this forum, and was happily getting advice and support and lots of laughter and tears. He said "you will get through this, we are both getting older and going through changes that we both have to accept" ... because I of course want to GO BACK TO BEING THE WAY I WAS - he has helped me to learn to cope, and not keep thinking once I am through this I will be the same person - he is a kind soul - BUT if he even once said "oh it's PMS' or referred to my hormone's back years ago - he would have been in a headlock receiving nooogies until that language was out of his system (soft noogies, trust me). Men DO need to be educated, look up misogynist - there are lots out there, they truly, deep down inside, do NOT like women.
Keep away from this guy, or anyone who is remotely like this, talk about crushing someone when they are down ... you deserve so very much better, always.
xo
Wow, Susy nailed this one! I concurr 110%
Yep , I also agree ..... Dump him , get out before its to late .
QUOTE (cathym @ Oct 14 2009, 08:47 AM)
Yep , I also agree ..... Dump him , get out before its to late .
^ ^
THAT
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