Ok Ladies, I wonder if any of you could help me understand why I feel the way I do about social situations.

I am finding myself increasingly uncomfortable during social occasions - my stomach gets extremely painful / bloated, heart beats faster, feel like i'm on the outside looking in.

Strangely I am ok during the day at work in a school surrounded by many children and few adults - but when the evening arrives or invitations to events occur I just find myself making excuses not to go - I feel a panic come over me inside. I have been like this for a few years. I am 47. But it is getting worse now. I can cope ok with maybe 1 or 2 people out for a quiet meal somewhere, but anymore and I just want to hide away and the excuses keep on rolling out why I can't go!

I'm sure people must think I am miserable but it's just that I feel so ill when I go out i'd rather not bother.

I don't like entertaining at home either anymore- I find absolutely no joy in cooking - and to be honest I just can't be bothered.

I've never been one for huge crowds, but never to the extent of making excuses to not go somewhere. My idea of a good night is a glass of wine a take away meal, watching TV with hubby and my boys!

Lots of people I work with (similar age) go out drinking to pubs and clubs, having a laugh and making complete fools of themselves (their words not mine). I am considered aloof because its just not my thing and I won't join them. Is there anything wrong with just wanting to stay in with my family curled up on the sofa watching a good TV program with a cup of tea??

I suppose deep down I worry that one day, when the boys have left home and I am on my own - my friends will have disappeared because I didn't want to party, party, party and always declined there invites.

Do you think that this type of social anxiety will pass with time - or am I always going to be uncomfortable in large social gatherings?

Thanks for listening - it would be nice to know if anyone else can relate to this.

Thanks and Take care

Jackie

Hi Jackie nothing wrong at all with that. You almost described myself. I use to get so nervous even thinking about eating in a restuarant or going to someone house for dinner, Thinking of having bad anxiety while i am there. i am the type of person who wants to grab dinner to go, eat it at home while watching tv with hubby thats my comfort zone. I do go to movies now for some reason being in the dark calms me lol. So don't feel bad bout wanting to be home and not being sociable, as long as your happy and comfortable about it. Hugs Terry

Count me in too, I never liked to party even when i was in my 20s, so now it has become a chore, LOL.
I never know how I would feel, anxious, achy, bloated, depressed, etc. Because of this, we have been avoiding parties and social gatherings, but recently, we went to two parties and I took my xanax before and was just fine, so I guess, it is not that bad and can be managed.
I also don't think anything is wrong with not being "party animal" at any age, LOL, bar hopping and drinking to excess, not a requirement.
I like to cook, but lately, entertaining at home is harder than it used to be, so this is pretty much out of the picture, cooking for a crowd makes me tired and out of commission for few days too.
I believe there are other activities that can be enjoyed at this time of life: good book, good music if you like concerts, opera, parks and museums, this type of things that are less stressful and don't include mandatory alcohol consumption.
Who knows, perhaps, when this mess is over, we will change again and will party all night long, drinking, and making fulls out of ourselves, LOL.
Hugs,
I.

I feel exactly the same way. I just received an invite to a friends birthday party and another invite to a Halloween party. There is a part of me that wants to jump on the party band wagon, but, really it's a very very very small part. I know I won't go. When I was younger the only way I could go into a club was if there was dancing. When there was loud music and no dancing I felt like I was in a trance, too much stimulation for my senses. However, if I could dance all night, I loved it. I like being at home with my husband and son. I don't mind if one person or 2 come over to visit, but, that's about it. I will go out to breakfast or lunch on occasion. I am an extreme case I think though. I'm not working right now and I have really embraced a somewhat still and solitary lifestyle. I don't want to be quite like this for the rest of my life so we'll see how this goes, maybe something a little more balanced. I do want to find joy in family and friends and activities again at some point. However, clubs are not in my future anytime soon.

I feel this way too! I think it was me and the anxiety thing. It drives me crazy because I used to enjoy going out with friends and stuff. But now, I get so anxious that I have had panic attacks right there in the restuarant or wherever.

It is good to know it is not just me.

I hardly want to leave my house / property any more.....

More than 1 or 2 ppl around me and I feel OVERWHELMED!!

2 YRS AGO-----50 PPL were not enough...the more the merrier!

I'm told it passes......................still waiting!

hi jackie
i to have the same feelings about groups of people i dont like to go out anymore because i have panic attacts when im in a large group of people i even feel that way when im out shopping so doing the weekly shop is a nightmare for me i try to get in and out the shop as quick as i can the latest thing with me is iv been invited to a halloween wedding and a few years ago i would have jumped right into that kind of party but now i know i wont go although i really want to go its just the panic i think that is going to stop me going ...i am 47 and sometimes think is this it for life but dont ever think your alone because on here your never alone this site as been a god send to me and the ladies on here will always help .. well thats what i have found on this site good luck to you and keep comming back
janet

Thank you ladies for all of your replies. It helps to know I am not alone in feeling this way.

Janet - I can so relate to the way you feel about shopping too - I have resorted to doing most of my shopping on the internet!

Iradan - you're right a good book, or going to theatre and concerts with my family are much more enjoyable - strange thing is I don't get worried about being in a large crowd at a theatre or concert, perhaps its because I am enjoying watching something and not having to try and be sociable!!

Thank you all again

Jackie

I have never been a social butterfly but even less these days. I even dread when DD wants company over for a sleepover. I am a member of the hermit club

Hi Jackie,

Yes me too.

Once upon a time I loved going out, now I,m happier being at home glass of wine and TV.

I,m a cheap date nowadays!!!

Have a lovely (quiet) weekend


Kath

I have those exact feelings too about being around a lot of people, especially drinkers. Then, every Saturday afternoon, my boyfriend and I would go to the local pub for the meat draw and sit in the same corner seats alone for a few beer. At first I was real rigid and thought everyone was staring at me (they weren’t) and little by little, over time, we’ve become one of a larger group of those “partiers” that I couldn’t understand before. We still sit in our corner and I still have my one beer, but now I fit in and am accepted just as I am, and I’m no longer tense or nervous. It’s all about familiarity, but it took me years to get to this point. It all starts with one step out the door and not demanding of yourself to plunge into an overly uncomfortable situation. I really look forward to the informal comradeship every Saturday afternoon. These people were as real as I and it was worth the effort to meet them and step outside of myself for a while.

Angela