Hi ladies,

Just wondering if any of you on the other side of this peri/meno nightmare have regained any interest in anything. This is so hard. I feel so blah as if I could care less about anything, even the things I once enjoyed. My zeal for life has been stolen from me by this hormonal mess. I am so out of sorts and feel as though I am in "limbo"... I guess this is normal. Please someone give me some hope that some day I will feel like a real human being once these hormones settle down.

(At least I have gotten out a few times lately and driven by myself!--I feel weird even saying this for someone who used to go anywhere and everywhere!)

Thank you so much.

mood_swinger

P.S. I still cannot wrap myself around the reason some women go through what we are going through and some do not!!!! Guess I am very angry that I am one of the few who do.

Hey Mood swing, take heart! It does pass, and we do become interested in life again. And I know what you mean, I can remember being proud of myself if I managed to get out of the house and go to the store without having a panic attack...it is so stupid!! But so real.

I suspect there are a great many more women out there suffering than you know....I also think (and know from talking to a couple of pharmacists) that there are a LOT more women out there using hormone replacement than you think!! You can just bet the women out there our age, who don't regularly break out into unexplicable sweats are using!! I know women who have quit their jobs because of nervous breakdowns...umm, do you think it might be menopause??

So don't be too angry, there is a whole lot going on out there that you just can't see!!

I feel the same as you and I'm not even post. I could have written your post though. I'm going out to pick up El Pollo Loco for dinner tonight and I expect a medal when I get home or at least a standing ovation.... thats how much I get out, lol.... and I am more of a lump in my bed most of the time, how sad is that? I just am not feeling it right now... I'm sure many would say pull up your bootstraps and get moving, to you I say.....I DON'T WANNA..so there. I wish I knew why some of us suffer more than others, maybe in some perverse way we are the warriors and the ones that will teach others how to walk through this, maybe we ARE the strong ones.... or delusional.... oh cr@p I don't know why... I was just trying to come up with something really elevating a regal. Bottom line some of us just get the short end of the stick and life is not always fair....ARRRRHGGGGGHHHHH (that's me yelling, lol) Hang tough, what else can we do, right??? ((((hugs)))) mich

elevating AND regal... jeesh can I not make a typo for a change?

Michu, standing ovation for getting the the restaurant tonight. I know about being a lump in bed. I only made it 1 1/2 hrs at work today and then layed in bed curled up in a ball like some kind of junkie going through withdrawals. Although I know it's the WORST thing to do, it's all I could handle. When my husband came home he listened to me ramble for a long time then innnocently said "why don't you go out for a walk or something?" I just said "I can'". I know you can relate.

about the walk... I said "I CAN'T" that typo changed the whole meaning.

Hey Floater...!

weirdly enough I was just thinking today that I don't see you post on here anymore!...glad to see your still coming here.

Hope you're doing OK?

Caz

Caz, how sweet of you to think of me! I am doing quite well, actually. Certainly many thousands of times better than I was when I joined PS! I do still post, but not as obsessively as I used to. I try and stick to areas I have some knowledge or experience with. How are YOU doing??

YES! It does come back...and in a million years you could not have told me that even a year ago, after 22 months of living hel%....

It has now been 9 months of waking up and having to pinch myself to thank God that I am back. No more crazy thoughts, no more hibernating inside my house, no more loss of interest in EVERYTHING.... I feel like me. I did this with the help of a good talk therapist, a lot of exercise, listening to that inner voice (not the crazy one ) and going within....something I was never very good at. Most of all I did it without the help of any medication or hormones...I am now 56 and POST mentally, physically, and emotionally and WHEW, it feels good.

I learned so much about myself and my body during those horrid months. Most importantly I learned that you have to listen to what your body is telling you- If you feel like being alone, be alone. If you feel like doing jiz saw puzzles because you cannot concentrate on one other thing, do jig saw puzzles. If you cannot muster up the same energy you always have had, you can't . Just sit with it. I also learned that Power Surge was my saving grace during all of it.

There is hope at the other end. I wish all of you fighting this fight a quick time until you get to the other side of it all.

Best,
Jonesy

Well done Jonesy
You made it through and feeling good.
This is an inspiration for all of us.
I have to say that I find Talk Therapy too scary and very overwhelming.I love jig saw puzzles and do lots of the -suitable for 5 and over!- with my grand-daughter.

Stay Well
God Bless
Elizabeth

Dear 'mood-swinger'
I think a lot more ladies than we can guess do go through some very bad stages.They are often just too scared or proud to admit it.
Since I came out of the Menopausal Closet have found some friends who were hiding the fact that they were taking anti-anxiety Meds. or using Hormonal supplements.However, there are definitely some who do better than others.It is probably due to our different physiological make-up.
I feel fairly normal but I confess am still on HRT and use Xanax on an as needed basis.I do get out and about more but am also very happy with my own company.I will often take strolls through the Malls and stop off for a coffee and a slice of cake!Very naughty but very nice!

This is one of the reasons I really enjoy this Forum so much.Everyone listens and shares but at least we are not judged or made to feel weak and foolish.
I have this Sister-in-law who is always bouncing around and cheerful.Looked like Menopause never hit her.She was always like"Jolly hockey sticks and Chin up Elizabeth"Could have choked her.
Then guess what I was nosing around in her Medicine Chest and found a large bottle of prescription Vallium with her name on it!So that explains the jollies!Was tempted to expose her then I though how sad that she has to resort to pretending!

So my love!Everything in its time!
And the hibernating feeling is what it is for now.Don't fight your feelings.Accept this stage in your life and I promise you that very gradually your mind and body will fall into sync. and walks,holidays etc will be enjoyed again.

Warm Hugs
God Bless
Elizabeth

Thank you so much Jonesy,

How beautifully written, and you have given us some hope and inspiration to hang onto. I am so glad that you are yourself again. I want to shout to all the pre-peri women in the world not to take a single minute for granted--to enjoy life to the fullest because soon things will change.

I will come back and read this post very often and know that it CAN be done.

love and hugs,
mood_swinger

Thanks Elizabeth,

Your posts are always so uplifting and caring. I am glad you are doing so well now that you feel comfortable in your own skin. I used to be that way and am looking forward to it again. What a challenge now to realize that we are in a stage of life that is so unpredictable.... anyway, I still feel if I could get this thyroid working right, my meno symptoms might lessen somewhat. This is my hope and prayer.

Love,
mood_swinger

I ABSOLUTELY relate to you MM. I've been doing it for over a month with intermittent outings here and there but they are few and far between. I am on a leave of absence from work (disability) due to the overwhelming anxiety and panic. I can't tell you how many times I left work because I was a emotional mess, crying and shaky. I had really understanding co workers, but, once we got really busy I just couldn't handle it anymore. It wasn't fair to me or to them to have to deal with the energy (or lack thereof) I was bringing into the office. I know that not everyone has the option of taking a leave, but, I am lucky that I can (at least for a little while). Even with the Lexapro and Xanax, I'm still not jumping through hoops to rejoin the world. I thought for a minute I was coming out of it. Then I got some new "ailments" that popped up and that triggers my fears (which include going to Dr.s) so I am back to square one. I am handling it a bit better due to the AD and Xanax but still hate the Dr. and now am back to feeling mindless and just existing for the moment. One step forward 3 steps back. I get over one thing and another takes its place. I feel like a weak willed sissy in some ways and in other ways I just feel like this is a phase that I will get through. I'm fighting falling into a full blown panic and just keeping still so as not to upset the apple cart too much. Ugghhhh!! This is the pits!!! Be good to yourself MM and most importantly be kind to yourself and try not to judge yourself too harshly, I know that is a hard one, we worry so much about how other people are judging us and how we are perceived. I guess I just tell the truth of what is happening to me and that I am processing it the way I am processing it and if they care about me, whether they get it or not, they just love me through it. If they can't, oh well..... ((((hugs MM))) Just know that there are many of us here that support you and "get it". Take care, Mich

HI Moodswinger

I had a really tough time with about 18 months ago - I am now 43 and still having regular periods.
The depression, and feeling as though I had descended into a big dark hole, lasted for a peak of about 6 months
and then gradually the good days started to outweigh the bad.

I did find it helpful, to plot my dark days, and the days I felt really unmotivated against my menstrual cycle
That helped me to see a pattern, and to anticipate them which gave me a sense of control at a time
in my life when I really didn't feel like I had much control over anything.

I am now back to my old motivated, joyful self, so I think the worst period may have been while
my hormones were switching gears, from 4th to 3rd, now I feel I am in 2nd (figuratively speaking)
and still haven't skipped a period, but I sense it is not far off, and I can definitely reassure you
that your mood will improve as your body adjusts.

Perhaps it is natures way to get us women to slow down - I hope you start to feel a little better soon.
I really feel for you - but try to take a little bit of joy out of each day, and that will help.

PS I also found cleaning the house to be quite therapeutic!!!

NZMum,

Oh, your post! It gives me such hope! I've been battling the anxiety and depression for over a year and I keep waiting for it to get better.

Actually, it is much, much better. But I still have these cycles with my period of feeling pretty awful. I want to believe that many of us will have stories like yours!

Yours inspired me so because your periods are still regular. Mine are, too. (though my cycles are shorter by 3 days)

So without the menstrual changes, the rest can make you feel absolutely crazy!!!!!

Thanks for sharing your story.

xo

Sukie

I am 5yrs without a period....are things getting better...no! worse in some ways, like emotionally I feel totally shell shocked...

I have not interest in absolutely anything....can't work ,can't walk, can't talk, can't read, can't have a drink. can't have sex, can't go out,
can't relate to other people, can't stand noise, can't stand silence, can't have a relationship,can't stand the sun,can't stand water on my skin, can't recognize myself,can't stand it anymore... I jut plain can't can't can't...
but.....
I can read this site, I can laugh , I can cry , I can have hope and I can pray that some day it will all be OK.....

praying for all of us
be well

Boy am I glad I read your post I know exactly what you all are saying, I try to keep pushing myself to go ouy and do things take walks but i know how you feel that anxiety justs grabs you and won,t let go. I,m doing all I can to get through the day, I cry because I hate what I turned into. Today woke up with the usual anxiety, just wanted to cry and say leave me alone!!! I too have lost interest in things but I think the anxiety plays a BIG part in that. I HATR the internal trembling, tingling at times, dizziness, sob, and the stupid thoughts. Some days you can get a handle on it others you can,t. This head thing drives me nuts and just not feeling like you. I keep praying trying to stay positive and keep saying it,s the Hormones not me. I,m going to an endocrinologist Nov. 4 I pray she helps me. Keep the Faith!!!! Keep saying you can if you think you can.

mood_swinger (and others)

I will give you hope that there is life after menopause. I am now almost 4 years post after having surgical menopause for endometrial cancer at age 54. I suffered dreadfully in peri-all the things that you have described are familiar to me. In fact I suffered for very many years before my surgery and then afterwards without my ovaries it was ten times worse

Surgical menopause is very abrupt even in peri, especially if as in my case I was not allowed any estrogen. I was a wreck for at least 18 months afterwards but during that time I did a lot of research into alternative ways to help myself.

What I discovered was that my lack of interest in life, anxiety, loss of stamina and libido, were all down to a large reduction of testosterone when my ovaries were removed. Loss of estrogen was of course part of the problem, but that is more because our bodies are used to having it and so the withdrawal of it is like coming off a drug. Once we are weaned off of it our nasty symptoms will go though.

I went to my doctor who agreed to let me try testosterone (without estrogen as I was still not allowed it) and within days I found my zip had come back.
I have mentioned this so many times before on other threads, that my well being and interest in life now is due to my testosterone supplementation. Please note that I still take no systemic estrogen as it makes me feel dreadful, but here is something interesting. Testosterone is partly converted to estrogen in the body, and so it is also an estrogen supplement.

For some reason I cannot tolerate estrogen so I just use testosterone and a little vaginal estrogen and I feel great. I know for sure without it I would still be feeling grim because I felt dreadful in every way until I started it.

For women who have not undergone surgical menopause their hormones are all over the place for longer but once their estrogen levels have settled low their ovaries should still be making a fair amount of testosterone which is why some women speak of "post menopausal zest".
Everyone is different of course. Some women's testosterone levels drop too after menopause so they begin to feel old and lacking in enthusiasm and strength.

I would suggest to any woman who is post menopausal but not having a return to their zest for life to find out about supplementing with testosterone. In the correct woman's dose it makes you feel wonderful and you will not grow a beard.

For those still in peri and hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel- don't worry. One way or another as you can see, you can get back your zest for life.

Hugs to all

janet c

Dear 'soulsurvivor'
You Post really touched my heart.I was exactly like this when found to be Post Menopausal at 39 and honestly at some point I was almost suicidal.
I was put on Prozac 20mgs and it really helped although it took about three months to kick in.I was also given Xanax to use on an as needed basis.I have never abused or upped these Meds. but honestly without them I do not think I would be here today.
I am now 58 and still on these ,although have tried to wean off a couple of times very slowly but unfortunately was never successful.I have now come to the conclusion that all our brains are wired differently so ,so be it!The Psychiatrist agrees with me and I have a regular six months assessment.
I have tried talk Therapy.It just made me more panicky and Herbal Supplements did not seem to help..
I also pray that one day you will be at peace and be able to enjoy life.
Just wanted to add that Prozac has never made me feel like a Zombie but I know my coping skills are better.
God Bless
Elizabeth

Was going to ask same thing! Glad to see it does come back but what do you do till it does? Its suddenly getting harder and harder to do or want to do anything Its really not that i'm too lazy just I really can't be bothered! Also the tireness is getting worse which does not help

I am afraid you just have to ride it out
This is why it is wonderful that we have this site to come to so we can discuss all our fears and symptoms with others in the same boat. Hopefully to also get reassurance from ladies who are over the worst that things WILL improve.
Hang in there

janet c

(((((((((mood_swinger))))))))) I feel for you. I have not felt well for over 3 years now. I've been talking about it all last week to my husband. I wake up every day and feel like crap. The past few days have been bad. My anxiety is just horrible, I feel tired all the time no matter how much sleep I get. I started exercising a little more over the past few weeks but nothing like I used to do...I don't have the energy. I have night sweats, hot flashes, every day, all day long. At least they aren't less than every hour. And I sweat all the time too. Just blow drying my hair causes me to start sweating. I've had tests galore and thank God nothng was found but still, this is rough living this way. And you talk about driving, I do drive but nothing like I used to do. I stay off highways these days for the most part because I feel like my car is going to tip over when I go fast, well, I used to any way. It's not as bad now but I'm fearful so I don't go on major highways very often...I avoid them. I so want to feel better and hope you do soon too, as well as everyone who is suffering here.

OMG! I thought I was the only one who experienced that! I used to drive everywhere, the faster, the better. I loved the open roads, I used to make multiple yearly trips to Florida and back, just for the fun of it. Now I only like driving in the slow lane, I can't bear another car behind me or in front of me...I feel like I cant judge distance anymore, so I stay about 8 cars behind the car in front of me and I hit the brake when I see a car 100 feet away from me. I thought I was losing it. Is this a part of what happens to the brain in peri?

Mood Swinger, I have lost it all too...my joy, my mind, my soul, my everything. I am hanging on by a thread. It will be a year this December that this has taken over my life. I dont know who I am anymore, and I sometimes wish I could just close my eyes and not wake up again.

God help us all.....
Dee

Dee I haven't seen you posting for a while. Are you not feeling any better at all?
Sending you a big hug sweetie. Please try not to feel defeated. Things will get better I am sure.

janet c