Hey fellow sufferers... I posted a "Hi nice to meet you" awhile back and then went into medical h**l for awhile. Isn't it all of our deepest fear that we will have a serious health issue? I know that has been a major stressor/panic inducer for me for years. When I get those awful feelings that someone posted about below, I know for me I began to think: could this be a major health problem? what is Wrong? etc etc.

Well, a trip to the gyno for my irregular bleeding sent me right "there" in a way I haven't been before. Upon examination, she found a mass on my ovary and in my right breast and recommended ultrasound right away. Okay, so off to that scary trauma, at which they tell me that the mammogram they did before the ultrasound showed suspicious microcalcifications on my LEFT breast and I should have a stereotactic biopsy done (insert your favorite freak out symptoms/thoughts/sensations here). Honestly ladies, isn't all of this your worst nightmare?!

Long story short and mucho anxiety later... all is well, all is benign.

You know what I learned, however? Something that I am not sure I have really truly faced in twenty years of anxiety and panic disorder? I learned that, even in my perimenopausally induced hormonal mental messiness, I can actually handle what I have been terrified of most: a bad diagnosis. Yep, because that is where my mind took me so I lived like that for several weeks. I found out that when it is "real" it is so much less frightening than when you are just obsessing about it. I think this has changed me and my relationship to illness, and fear. I don't know if this is helpful to anyone, but on the chance it could be I wanted to share. I feel so much freer, like I finally met my personal demon face to face and it wasn't as scary as I always assumed it would be.

((((((((((((getreal))))))))))))))) Wow, what a wonderful thing that came out of all of this for you. I'm so happy everything turned out so well.

Yes, thank you so much for posting this.
I think we can all relate to your story and it's fantastic to read about your positive outcome. It certainly will give everyone hope.

getreal-
A great post- absolutely spot on!
I had terrible health anxiety during peri, but do you know what? I think it saved my life!
I kept obsessing about a symptom I was having for ages but my doctor thought it was nothing. I kept searching and googling and my symptom pointed to one thing-endometrial cancer.I went back to my doctor again but she still thought it was nothing. By this stage I was such a wreck with worry I could barely function so I insisted on a referral. Even the Gyn thought it was nothing but did all the tests anyway. And the result? I had early stage endometrial cancer

I actually had to face something that I had always feared and do you know what? The endless months of worrying about what it might be was much worse than getting a diagnosis and surgery and in the end a total cure!
I found out that I am a lot stronger than I thought, because I honestly believed I would fall apart if ever I was diagnosed with cancer but I actually didn't. It has given me a whole new perspective on life.
I sometimes wonder why so many of us obsess about our health at Peri. Maybe it is because it is a time for taking extra care of ourselves and putting ourselves first. Part of the journey is turning inwards and looking to make sure all is well. I had a really strong feeling about my health. Yes I was obsessed but thank goodness I was because I instinctively knew I had a big problem.

What you went through was horrid because until you knew you were ok you suffered in exactly the same way as I did.
I am so glad all is well and happy that it has helped you find a new perspective.

janet c

HI GIRLS,
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO ADD TO THIS POST---I TOO WAS HORRIFIED OF FINDING I HAD CANCER---I ACTUALLY AVOIDED GOING FOR MY YEARLY CHECKUPS FOR SO LONG---I WAS AFRAID TO GO--BUT PROBLEMS EVENTUALLY FORCED ME TO MAKE THE APPOINTMENT....AND AS I FIGURED--I FOUND OUT I DID HAVE CANCER----I DIDNT THINK I COULD FACE BEING TOLD I HAD IT......BUT I HAVE FACED IT HEAD ON---AND IT HAS BEEN A BLESSING IN DISGUISE......IT HAS MADE ME A BETTER PERSON FOR IT....I AM IN REMISSION NOW....BUT GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE STRENGTH TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING! ALWAYS SMILE AND BE POSITIVE!!

getreal:

I am so happy for you!!!!
thanks for telling your story, it gives me hope.
Hugs,
Jeaninne

Yes, we just have to hang in there my fellow sufferers. This big ole scare really has helped me in ways I wouldn't have expected... when I get a "weird" feeling now, I am so much better able to shrug it off knowing that if I have a problem, it WILL make itself known, and even the biggies can and do get "handled." Sort of like "you feel like crying (being anxious)? Well I'll give you something to cry about (be anxious about)!" LOL!

I can't believe it -- it may take awhile to get used to this "calm" feeling...

Please let me know if I can help!!! I have lived through so much with this stuff -- years of it and would love to save anyone any part of it I could. I'm not sure how to but I can try to share what has helped/hasn't helped.

Such an interesting post. As FDR said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I have my fair share of health anxiety and always thought there was something going on underneath. Maybe our ancesters had to be vigilant about wolves and we have the same anxiety and use it to be vigilant about skin moles?


I also think with me it can be a bit of magical thinking "If I worry really hard, then the bad thing won't happen..."

I'm so glad you are healthy and that what must have been a horrible time for you lead to some helpful insights about your health anxiety. You must be feeling SO relieved! If you really are up for sharing, boy I could use some advice!


My brand of health anxiety is not thinking I'm going to get every disease under the sun, but once in a blue moon finding some mole, bump, or odd symptom to worry about, googling it for reassurance, and coming away convinced I've got a fatal illness. Many doctor visits and tests later, I am temporarily relieved, but inevitably Oprah has to do one more of her Shocking Medical Mistakes episodes, or else a magazine comes with a scary article about just that disease I am obsessing over (and of course I can't resist reading/watching!), and I am a mess of worry again, certain that the doctors missed something, the tests were inaccurate, and perhaps I need yet another opinion. I feel like I'm living with a black cloud hanging over my head until eventually I realize a year has passed and I have not dropped dead or the symptom is gone and I have to conclude the doctors were right.

Any thoughts on breaking this cycle, especially the "what if the Doctors are wrong?" part? Health anxiety feels like temporary insanity - the complete inability to think rationally about whatever the symptom is!! And now that I am a little older, a little hormonal, and have young children who desperately need me, the worry is certainly worse. Life is too short and too precious to waste a year here and there feeling temporarily insane!

Thanks in advance for any light you can shed on this!

Hi Anna,

Yep, that pretty much describes me too! So funny (yet so awful). I was complaining about my hips aching last night and my husband laughed out loud and said "AH HA! I wondered how long it would be until the next thing!" (Don't worry, I gave him a good bop over the head with my pillow.)

It has helped me tremendously to have received (repeated) good news. It does seem to sink in a bit having had several rounds now. (The Rounds: symptom, "Dr. Internet", fear, doctors, tests, reassurance. lather, rinse, repeat.) But the most helpful thing is to:

1. IGNORE symptoms, moles etc. This avoids that lovely cold chill down your spine and the voice in your head that says "OMG, this is it..."
2. DO NOT visit Dr. Internet. Turn off the tv if it is Scary Medical Diagnoses that You Should Know About and that Will Save Your Life. Put down the paper when it is "that kind" of article. Seriously. Do it.
3. READ some spiritual/philosophical books that help to put things in perspective and give you the ability to trust your health, the Universe, etc. I like Eckhart Tolle, Gary Zukav and Pema Chodron.
4. Do something regularly with your body that reminds you it works pretty well. Like WALKING, working out and YOGA is truly outstanding for helping you trust your body more. I have done it for about three months now and it has changed me for the better in this area!

The main point here is to treat this like the addiction it is for us. I've decided I am like an alcoholic -- I am addicted to all the scary health info out there and to obsessing about it. So when I am "tempted" to do that, I make myself stop. That has helped break the cycle and has made leaving it alone all the easier as more time goes by. An alcoholic can't have any booze in the home, has to stay out of bars, etc. You get the idea!

I sure hope this helps! I so know exactly what you are talking about!

Hey Anna, one more thing since you specifically asked about the "what if the doctors are wrong..." fear and I failed to address that!! (That would be my early-onset Alzheimers that I am occasionally totally convinced I have, LOL)

Okay, so specifically for that, two things come to mind. #1 As your kids get older, this will lessen. It is partially related to your love and fierce attachment to them and how much they need you right now. That leads to a natural kind of fear about one's own mortality compounded by the fact that we are the ones responsible for getting them and ourselves medical attention. Mine are now 15 (at a boarding prep school) and nearly 12 and it is such a relief to be less scared about dropping dead and "leaving" them -- they are so much more self sufficient!!!

#2 The next biggest help for this specific problem would be to get some of the books by the authors I mentioned. All about trust and meaning of life stuff and perspective. Really wonderful, deep stuff that can help your lightbulb go on and give you some peace. I keep these books on my nightstand and refer to them regularly -- reading and re-reading and underlining, etc. A wonderful help to me! And so much more so than the zillion Anxiety self help books I have which can practically give me a panic attack reading about panic/anxiety!

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. It helps a little just to know there is someone else out there who completely understands!! I'm laughing about anxiety books making it worse - I have all those same books. (And my husband deserves a good pillow-bop for all the eye rolling he does when he sees them out!) I will definitely look for the books you suggested. Walking is a great suggestion, too - used to do that and it did help. My youngest child started preschool this year, so maybe I can squeeze in a walk while he's out of my hair! (Then again I might feel more sane if I used the time to take a nap - that boy is a whirling dervish!) At the moment I have a laundry list of worries and seem to cycle through them - this was a good week because obsessing about dropping dead wasn't my top worry priority; I had no time for Oprah, Dr. Oz and the internet - and it did make a huge difference! Just say no!!!

Good luck to you - stay healthy and peaceful!!! And thanks again for sharing your story and your wisdom.

Absolutely insightful. You have addressed all my fear/health based issues. I no longer get on the internet and check symptoms. I had a weird thing that popped up on my leg, I allowed myself to look at it once a day and then I let it go. Then I took a Xanax, lol. It ended up coming off in the shower, it kinda looked like a red scab and didn't come back. End of that. Right now my lower back/hip is hurting like heck, I have tried to ignore it for 2 weeks, but, alas, I am trying a massage tomorrow and then if that doesn't help chiropractor and if that doesn't help I'm gonna have to go to the Dr. (which I am phobic about, but, I can't ignore something that prevents me from moving, lol) I am trying very hard to just be optimistic and sit with things for a while without reacting. I relate to your comparing our focus on health issues almost like an addiction. I love the ideas you gave on how to approach this issue. I really really related to your post. Thanks so much it was really helpful. Take care, Mich