I am sitting here watching ABC Evening News and they are doing a story on manners in our country. With the recent outbursts by Serena Williams and Kanye West in public towards other people. These outbursts have caused an uproar.

I have noticed that the younger generation (not all) seems to think it is ok to expect things with no offer of a Thank you in return. The do not feel the need to say please or ask nicely only demand. It just horrifies me to be in a store and here a child of any age, demand that their mother give them something. They do not ask nicely, they scream and demand!

when I was growiing up, if your manners left you my grandmother had the cure. She would slap your mouth and tell you to go find them immediately.

What a world we live in today. It amazes me beyond words.

George Will just said that the squeaky wheel gets the grease and people have an attitude of entitlement that makes them feel it is theraputic to express themselves in any given way they choose. My sentiments about it are it is ok to express yourself whatever you are feeling but it is not ok to hurt others and use language that is not necessary to do so.

Just wondered if anyone else has feelings on this subject.

I totally agree with what you said....it's ok to express yourself but not to hurt others.

I'm still waiting for any kind of acknowledgement for the baby gifts I sent my nephew and his wife...

And as for their oldest son, not a peep of a thank you for the money I sent for his birthday last month.

Brats!!

Maybe this should really be part of the school curriculum. Basic Etiquette 101, just make it a part of Home Ec classes. Teach them how to write a thank you note, RSVP to an invitation and maybe how to be grateful?? Sheesh.

Would a thank-you once in awhile kill anyone?

Bday gifts-baby showers gifts-wedding gifts> rarely a Thank-You!

I agree with both of you, too. It is never OK to hurt others. However, let's not blame youth. They only learn what they live. I have been a high school teacher for 25 years. Everyday, I talk with teenagers who get absolutely no guidance or support from home. They are left to figure things out for themselves while their parents are working, dating, drinking, doing drugs , serving jail time or any number of other things besides being there to serve as positive role models for their children. It's harder than ever to be a parent in today's society. Children are so influenced by the media and society, in general. But, too many parents seem to be through with parenting by the time the teen years roll around and this is when they need their parents more than ever. I have no idea what type of environments Serena Williams and Kanye West grew up in, but some place along the way, they learned that it is OK to act like this.

I watched that also and was thinking the same thing. I was shocked the other night when that congressman yelled out "YOU LIE!" at President Obama. That sort of thing was unheard of when I was young. The "office of the Presidency" should always be treated with respect.

Funny, I'm in another site that is having the discussion about the fact that in the southern part of the US, usage of ma'am and sir is expected when addressing others and to not do so is considered a serious form of no manners.....I actually had some call me disrespectful because a friend who is from the south calls us all ma'am and sir's and we kid her to stop; it's too formal for NY I told them .....boy, did I get the tongue raspberry after that one .....sooooooo

I came back with my biggest pet peeve of ill-mannerhood for me and it is public spitting on the ground by mostly young men....gross, disgusting, we walk in it, carry it inot our homes, workplaces, I have to look at it as I walk...ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..do I HAVE to see what you coughed up from your lungs? That's for your doctor, not the public to see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My next? Walking in front of someone and not saying "excuse me"...when did that phrase get erradicated from the English manner booklet????? (excuse my around the world sisters; I am speakng strictly the States although it may ring true for you too)

As for unmannered children, I work at an intermediate school....manners have all but disappeared from the kids I work with but the biggie: walking up to me when I'm speaking with another adult/talking on the phone and interrupting me.....erggggghhhhhhhhhh......happens multiply times a day and they always look blankly at you when you ask them "Do you see that I'm talking someone?"

*****sigh**** another sign I'm getting old.....

Yep the Southern manners thing was a very big deal when I was growing up. Those manners are a part of me as much as my eyes. I have ingrained those same manners in my children. I just hope they use them.

It infuriates me

Recently I took my 11 year old daughter to a very nice place for lunch. We both dressed up for Mommy and Daughter day.

She was awed by the beauty that surrounded her. She never stopped commenting on it. I started seeing this place through her eyes. Wow! How could I have not noticed?


We were seated...then I started the instruction... It was so fun for me.


At home we sometimes have "manners" night, so she was very well prepared.


We discussed the silverware & etc. I was able to show her the desert spoon...soup spoon...& etc. She noticed that everyone had a bread plate and she commented on how one man was not buttering each bite of bread and failed to place his knife in the correct place on the plate. LOL! This never seemed important to her before. Up unto this point, she thought that is was stupid!


All of the instruction that I had crammed into her, suddenly came into play. At this particular place, I was able so instruct her in the "fine points" of enjoying a meal.


Later on, the waitress came over and commented on her manners. She informed my daughter that she was the first child that she had seen using proper manners. My heart filled with maternal pride for her. Suddenly she started asking me more questions.


I did not order desert; the cost of the lunch was enough. LOL! However...



At the end of our meal, the owner brought us desert, one that she made herself for "special people." She had been watching my daughter, too. As we were leaving, she PERSONALLY told us that it was delightful to have us there. There was no charge for the desert.

Next lesson? I will teach her continental dining style. Although in America, it is not often utilized, it is a skill that one should have. We already can handle chop-sticks quite well. LOL! For one week, we used nothing but chop-sticks. Either you mastered this skill, or starved to death. LOL! They almost starved to death for the first few days.


I believe that if you put it into them, it will come out when they need it.

Shebee

My daughter (4years old) has been to many birthday parties recently,and have had 3 Thankyou notes in total!!.Obviously they are too young to write their own BUT isn,t it the perfect time to teach children by your own example.
I have always made my daughter aware that I am writing notes for her and have her stick stickers or draw something on the notes,now she can almost write her name I insist she does this on any Thankyou note

It saddens me that in general most people have left their manners elsewhere.

And what is it when you open a door for someone and they just waft through it,without a nod or thankyou!!

And whilst I,m on a roll, what about shop assistants who are to busy chatting amongst themselves to barely acknowledge you!!

I,m done.

be here forever else moaning about manners

KathS

I agree with all of you. You have to instill these things when kids are growing up.

The thank you note thing is a really big sore spot for me. I believe if someone takes the time to pick out something for you and give it to you, you should have five minutes to WRITE and let them know you appreciate it.

I have been writing thank you notes since before I was in school (thank you grandma) and I make my children to the same thing. They get impatient with me but when the person calls and says thanks for the note it meant alot, then they realize.

Another thing while I am at it, cards in the mail.
I love email as much as anyone because it is fast and convenient but there is nothing like walkiing out to the mailbox and finding a birthday card, Christmas card or any other card for that matter. Seeing that card in the mailbox and the anticipation for who it is from and what they had to say is awesome. I love it so I try to be sure to do it for others.

If I keep this up, it will be too long a post.

I love the southern dialect...it's got a charm I hope is never lost...I just know if I began saying ma'am and sir to my aquaintances, it would be strange..I truly think you have to grow up in it to get it....

HOW ABOUT THE LOUSY DRIVING MANNERS too??????! I can't take this self centered, narcissistic "younger" group that 's out there now .... sickening!

I agree with what everyone has said and can't miss this opportunity to mention the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Ozzie and others who feed this notion that rudeness is not only acceptable but successful. It boggles my mind that someone pays them to be this obnoxious.

Boggling is an understatement for that bunch

I have to stick up for the younger generation on manners. - at least the ones I know My daughters are in their 20s and both got married in the last two years. They wrote thank you notes for every single gift they got. They were raised since small tots to do this.

We gave two graduation gifts this year and promptly got two thank you notes. Their friends are polite and courteous around us. At both weddings, all their friends knew how to behave properly at a formal wedding, offering to help with the parties we had at the house, doing airport runs for other guests. One of the groomsmen asked me, "Mrs. X , can I do anything? That's my job as a groomsman!" They were a delight to have around and always thanked me and even cleaned up after themselves. When they were growing up, if my daughters were asked to go on vacation with a family or spend a weekend at a family vacation home, they took a small hostess gift. They don't assume anything is a given.

That said, I agree there are many out there with no manners. I have been cut off by kids with no word of apology. When a kid does this to me, I just say, Excuse Me. They get the message.

WriterMom

WriterMom... be careful who you say Excuse me too... We live in a very crazy world!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/16/cracke...ting/index.html

I agree with all of you, most young kids do not have manners and are very rude. I raised 2 boys and my older son is 21 now and married, and I am so proud of him for saying "please and thank you", and holding doors for people, and all the manners stuff that I taught him. My 12 year old says please and thank you, and I am trying to teach him to hold doors open for people as well, he is around my elderly mother and she even helps out in the manners department, so hopefully when he gets older he will remember all the things we have taught him. I don't understand why parents can't teach their kids some manners, it isn't rocket science!

You ever notice when you do meet a nice young man/women how impressed you are? Like they stand out? I always think how proud their Mothers must be!
My 2 are adults now and they are very polite and kind people!

I can also brag on my nephew> when he graduated High School this past year I send him a card with a gift of money. He called right away to Thank me!
He's a wonderful young man! He's off to college now as a undergrad medical student> he will make a fine doctor!

My married children sent thank yous for showers and weddings, phone call thank yous for birthdays.

You were all speaking of manners and the kids of today, which reminded me of something that happened to me recently.

We were on the checkout line in office max. There were 4 people on the line. The person who was making her purchases, a teenage girl about 16, me and hubby, and a man behind us. Two registers over, a sales clerk announced she could take someone. The man behind me was the closest, he moved, and the teenage girl in front of us, went also..so we moved up in line and were next.

The woman checking out bought a lot of things, so it was taking a while. We stood patiently waiting. After a few minutes, this kid was back. She says to us, oh, someone was on that line already. Apparently, the man who went there, was taking longer than she expected..so she came back and thought she was going to reclaim her spot in the line. My back had been towards her. I turned..looked her right in the eye, and placed my ink on the counter. I guess she got the hint, because she stood behind me, silent.

As we were leaving, I said to hubby..did that kid think she was going to get ahead of us? He said, yeah. I said heh..I would love to see her try that, in a supermarket or a store like walmart. I cant tell you how many times we have changed lines, while shopping and the line we moved to took twice as long. It would never even cross my mind to go back and reclaim my spot in the old line.

I still shake my head when I think that this kid expected me to back up and let her back in the line. I guess thats how they think today...its all about them.

unfortunately, home economics in many schools is a thing of the past.

regarding thank-you's - what is considered an acceptable amount of time in today's society to write and mail a thank you? does it vary depending on the occasion?

i've always written thank you's, have done so since i was little and continue to. i usually manage to get the task accomplished NLT 2 weeks following the occasion/event/gift.

Ladies
If you think manners are bad in the USA you ought to try the UK. People here are atrocious and quite honestly I find younger people no worse then older ones. On Monday we were expecting a friend to collect a kitten for a new home. It wasn't costing a penny but without so much as a "sorry I can't make it" she failed to turn up causing us to remain at home when we could have gone out.
Customer service is virtually unheard of and people frequently bump into others on the street while yelling into their cellphones.
Most folk spend their spare time either getting drunk or staring at a television screen and everything is me me me. Added to which they cry at the slightest excuse and demand their entitlements.
Pick up a magazine and there is nothing but celebrities smirking from the pages, diets and Green issues. It is little wonder that people lack manners as the media certainly doesn't promote them.
I usually find the children an improvement on their parents
Louise

I read somewhere once that a bride has up to a year to send thank you's for gifts, but I always told my girls to do it right away so the sender knew their gift had arrived safely.

Where I work, the men I work with always hold doors for us ladies. They also don't use foul language around us. We wouldn't stand for it! there are only 3 of us ladies for lots of male engineers and other employees.

WriterMom

The two years we lived in Montana, I really missed hearing "Yes, Mam, No Mam." Once when we were checking out in a Walmart, the checker (a young man about 20) said "Yes, Mam" to me. It was SO REFRESHING to hear! I asked him where he was from and he said, "Houston, Texas." I told him I appreciated him saying that to me and that I really missed hearing it. He said "I was raised that way." Several more times before we moved back here to Texas, whenever I went to that Walmart, I tried to make sure I went through his line.

UP TO A YEAR?????????? good gravy! i could pen a novel in that amount of time!

My daughter got married on July 11th, and ALL her thank you's were out by July 20th! I was sooo proud. I offered to help her sort through them one day (gently reminding her that they needed to go out SOON), and she said "they all went out last week!"


Also.. this is what Emily Post says about wedding thank you's: "Contrary to popular myth, the happy couple does not have a year’s grace period. All thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of the gift."

She also say's a rule of thumb on ALL thank you's is it should be written on the day you receive the gift. Obviously, with a wedding, there is usually a honeymoon and many gifts so she suggests within 3 months.

I grew up in Texas, but raised by a mother who was raised in New Hampshire. She never stressed that we use the "ma'am" and "sir", although she still made sure we were polite and didn't say things like "Huh?" and "What?" instead of "Excuse me" or "Pardon?" I picked up the "ma'am" and "sir" anyway because I was around it so much.

My cousin's daughter from New Hampshire moved down here to Texas for a while. She got in trouble in school (she was a junior at the time) for being disrespectful because she didn't use "ma'am" and "sir" when addressing teachers. She finally got used to using the words, then moved back to New Hampshire. Out of habit she used them up there, and got in trouble with her teachers for being sarcastic. She couldn't win either way.

I had a customer yesterday (I work in a convenience store) with the most polite little boy. He was about 4 and used "thank you" and "please" just like a pro. I said to his mother "What a polite little boy!" She said "He'd BETTER be." I guess that meant that she is making sure that he is. Good to hear that there are a few parents left who care. Most of the kids I see are demanding and hateful and smart-aleck. And the shocking part is the parents allow it. The few times I spoke to my mom like that -- all kids do it occasionally -- I was either given a STERN warning about my behavior, or jerked up, taken to my room and spanked.

Since when did children rule the world? I've actually heard parents (moms mostly) who say "I can't handle him. I just let him do what he wants." And says this IN FRONT OF THE KID! No WONDER the kid rules over her. He knows he can. But then again, children are "monkey see, monkey do". If the parents are obnoxious clods, the kids will be too.

that is SO not the case here!!!

this sounds more reasonable than one year!

this isn't really about manners,more about rudeness....a co-worker of mine had the nerve to tell me i need a makeover......i thought it was very rude and was thinking "didn't anyone ever teach her any manners".....but i let it go and didn't get too upset over it because she is rather plain and dorky looking herself.....

Some people have no couth and I agree that is just being outwardly rude!!!!!!!! Good thing you let it go, she is not worth the aggravation and anxiety you would have felt after lashing out.