“The Change”

WHAT Now I’m a hermit?

I want to be left alone yet I’m lonely?

I used to be social> I think it’s only a healthy state if you enjoy it?

Oh Wait>>> most days I LOVE IT!

Can anyone relate?

R U kidding .. I plan on leaving work ,, going home .. getting in my jammies .. and going to bed ,, but I was out busy busy busy all weekend ,,

Sign me up!!

i will take a 1yr subscription please, i love being alone , its alot easier on my nerves, especially my ears some time just the sound of other people talking ( hubby) gets on my last peri-nerve !!!!! but i love my husband , just give thanks for my me time........

I completely relate and was a member myself for quite some time...and still am from time to time. But now, well into menopause, I find I enjoy outings again and spending time with people. I honestly didn't think I ever would again. Being around people gave me such anxiety, I wanted to lock myself in a room all alone. Take comfort in the fact that this will pass. You WILL once again want to live life again. It will be on your terms a lot more than it was in your younger years, but that is a good thing.

In the meantime, enjoy your alone time!!!

People do not understand unless they have experience this madness!

Tried of hearing "Oh your just depressed"!
Maybe so!

So hard to plan anything when I never know how I will feel from one hour to the next!
So I would rather just be left alone!

of course there are times I feel better when I do get out!
But the meno sickness cures that real quick!

I have learned never to say to dh that we should have a get together or something at our house. I never know how I'll be feeling from one day to the next. I may be all jazzed about having company and the next thing you know I just want to run away and hide somewhere where nobody can find me. I'll say I want company and my extroverted hubby will be all excited---until I, once again, deflate his balloon.

This just stinks....

Floats you are a person I greatly admired!

I delight in your resilience!

Booky >it stinks doesn't it?

I bought Weeks book on agoraphobic, "I love to get out" yet I have a form since I won't go out alone!

I have been in situation were I have felt so bad I was afraid I couldn't drive myself back home!

dids-fried-nc> your sign up!

Where set up meetings in my cave!

I am on my way!!!!!!!

i want to be in!

i don't want to be in!

no, seriously, i absolutely understand. my friends & family wonder where i've disappeared to these last years.

i can't think of a finer group of women to be reclusive with. i'd invite you over here, but my cave is a disaster.

OMG I am a major card carrying member of this group. I'm sure many of you have read my posts. That's how i have been feeling for months and months. I am getting better but when at home which is most of the time I stay in my PJ's and lay in bed watching TV and on some level I am ok. I have been venturing out more and have enjoyed myself. But, this is after taking AD for almost 6 weeks. I just don't feel like being around a ton of people and like you I never know how I'm going to feel sometimes to make plans. Though, I actually got excited about Christmas yesterday and offered my house for Christmas Eve dinner. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I'm surprised because I have not been able to "look forward" to anything or feel confident enough that I wouldn't flake. So I am taking a leap of faith here that I continue to feel better and don't have to cancel. I hope the AD continues to work, as I have posted before, I really don't want it to be my hormones being nice, cause i don't trust them. I want it to be the AD that is helping. I also love my hubbie but I am so glad he leaves me to my own devices alot and is pretty sensitive to my needs. We did go to a movie and dinner a few weeks ago which was nice. Although as the restaurant got noisier and busier I really needed to leave. He can be my himself too which is helpful. We have similar temperaments, except he is more kick back than me. I'm the kind of person who can go to a movie herself and out to eat by myself. We love being together, but, we can also be a part and not think our marriage is falling apart. Perfect person for me at the perfect time in my life. He is just happy I'm not crying, that's the only thing he is at a loss to how to handle, crying and panic attacks..... poor guy, lol. Today i am actually a little anxious but I'm just starting my period so maybe that's why, it's bearable. But, I'm in favorite room, my meno cave, nice, dark and cool. Take care, Mich

Susun S. Weed has written about a Crone's Year Away>> a year? I'm taking a decade!

That sounds about right I call this my "Year of the Frump". I turned 50 in December of last year and just wasn't into it at all, felt like it was gonna be a bummer and it's been awful. I have felt like 51 was going to be way better. I'm pretty intuitive so I hope I am right about that. If I lay in bed for a decade they will have to cut a hole in my wall to get me out, lol. Sometimes it is necessary to retreat, don't people sometimes trek to the Dali Lama, scale the Himalaya's or take life journeys to find out who they are during life changes. I just prefer to scale my bed instead of a mountain, lol....

My dear Floater
I too have gradually and slowly started to give up my Membership but it had a pretty long run!
Yes this stage passes and no-one should let it worry them too much.We just need time to come to terms with ourselves-somewhat re-invented!-before being social again.
It is true though that the need for company does lessen quite a bit and just a few good friends and an outing or too maybe quite sufficient.I think too that we become very good at keeping ourselves occupied and the frenzy of social life starts to lose its attraction.

Hope you are doing well
God Bless
Elizabeth

Thanks for the laugh!
I am not sure that I really want any more information about myself!So scaling my bed will do it for me too,sweetie!
Hugs
Elizabeth

Amen sister, lol! I am all for turning my brain off. I have been way to analytical my whole life, over think everything. My nerve endings were raw. I have taken a retreat, a retreat from the world, from work, from whatever the heck else I wanted to retreat from, lol. But, I feel inklings of re-entrance, I think about another month or so should do the trick. I am actually looking forward to Xmas (which I wasn't for a long time), which means the 'Year of the Frump" may officially be coming to a close. Ahhhhh, it will be greatly missed. However, I know I can always scale my bed as needed. Glad you got a laugh out of that.

Hugs back atcha
Mich

Gosh, yes! Especially the "left alone yet I'm lonely" part. I feel sorry for myself for having no friends, but I really can't be bothered by any one. I've always been that way, and menopause has made it worse, I'm sure. But....
on the other hand, I DO love it most days.

I'm glad it's not just me.

Wow.....can I eever relate to what you all are saying here!!

I think that all doctors & husbands should read this board!!

I'm new here & I've been reading & I'm just blown away & I'm so agreeing with this madness that we call menopause.

Patty

Oh, boy, Bookie, was I glad to see THIS post! I was starting to feel like I had a serious personality flaw because I seem to need so much "alone" time now. Kids are grown, just hubby and me now, but I still like my "alone" time in the house. After working full-time all week and being "on" every day, I live for weekends where I don't have to talk to/entertain anybody. Unfortunately, there are still some folks who don't work full time and don't "get" it. I am gone from my house 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, and on nights and weekends I need a break! I, too, nearly talk myself into entertaining or going out on the weekend, and the next thing I know, I'm like, "WHAT was I thinking??? Leave me alone!!!" I feel like my own best friend lately, or am completely happy puttering around or reading, but then sometimes I feel selfish about not being the "socialite" wife my husband would probably like. Does this feeling go away, or should I explore being a true hermit?

I've been a member long enough that my card looks a little worn around the edges, maybe I should get it laminated. I never could find where the meetings were being held so I kept missing them.
Just as well, didn't want to be around anyone anyway, but the company would have been nice!

funny thing is i always liked being a hermit crab staying at home or just being with hubby. I do go places but just hubby and i.

Does that mean you're gonna come take my house when you outgrow your's?

ha ha tw i think i let you keep yours. yours is a little to humid for me lol

Well, I guess I may have spoke too soon about re entering the world. I am having terrible lower back pain and a weird red thing popped up on my leg (I am thinking its a cherry angioma, which I have many of and been to the dermo for which are not dangerous, but, still I worry), so my health anxiety is rearing its head again, except maybe because of the Lexapro I'm not freaking out as much, though I am concerned enough to take a xanax. I'm actually contemplating a Dr. appt which was off my radar for a long time. I haven't done it yet, we'll see how that goes. But, at least I can entertain the thought. I am to the point that I don't want to waste time worrying about stuff that may not merit worrying about. Now if I have issues than I guess I will have to woman up and attempt to deal. We'll see, right now I'm talking a good talk. I hate this stuff, I was feeling good and once I let my guard down..... here we go again..... it's really frustrating. If you respond, I hate to dictate your response but no bad stuff please. I'm not sure I'm THAT emotionally healed yet. Thanks girls. Mich

DANG!!!! I was hoping we could trade places!!!

Dear Mich
I have a friend who has the 'Red Cherry' pop outs and the Dermatologist confirmed they are completely harmless but can be annoying if caught in clothing.Most of hers were on her back and chest.He lazered them off.The whole thing took about half an hour.and was completely painless
She was not really bothering about them too much but said they were sometimes uncomfortable when bathing or wearing certain clothes
So no "Bad Stuff" from this end.
Warm Hugs
Elizabeth

Thanks JV. I am thinking that is what it is but keeping an eye on it. My main trouble is the lower back, the pain is sort in my cocyx (sp?) tush area and radiates across. It may be from laying in bed wayyyyy too much for a month or so while I was taking my hiatus from life. Let's hope so. I'm just trying to keep my thinking rational. Have a lovely Sunday. Mich

Being a hermit is what I have been for the last 10 or so years, (probably when the P really started to dive).... I wanted to be around no one and enjoyed so much just sitting in the sunshine reading a good book in my spare time..... some of my friends called and asked what they had done to make me mad at them and I told them absolutely nothing... that it was just me. HOWEVER, now once the E is gone too and I am nearing post, for some reason I cannot stand to be alone. I want to be around others, but guess I burned so many bridges I don't have that many folks to be around any more but DH. During this time in our lives we need some really kind, caring supportive girlfriends. But, it takes a special person to be around the likes of me now. I sure do miss my family and do so wish that I had some family to be with right now. Just do not know what I would have done if not for Power Surge.

So, I guess I am trying to figure out why one hormone depletion makes us want to be alone and the other one causes us to be around others.... at least this is the way it has been with me.

Could be what "stage" of peri/meno we are in as to how social we want to be..... I am just wanting to be "normal again", social or not.

mood_swinger

Dear 'mood-swinger'
What you are describing is perfectly normal and understandable.Probably some of your friends have or are going through this too.However,it is never too late to re-connect.Honestly I have gradually started to get closer to friends that I hadn't really kept up with for many years and 'You know what' they were totally understanding.
We exchanged our various horror stories.Some had got divorced or been ill or had Menopause problems so everyone was able to empathise.
It is interesting to note that there were only about a handful of friends that I feel comfortable with.I think the others were people I used to know but we no longer had much in common.
Yes,Thank God for Power Surge but do not be afraid to reach out to past friends.You might be pleasantly surprised.
Do not forget that when we were younger-only slightly of course-we had a lot more of the caring and nuturing hormones skipping around and now is the time we want to be taken care of just a little.

All the Best
Elizabeth

I have never been an overly social person to begin with, I have never liked big crowds or alot of noise, but always enjoyed my family and friends.

I guess 3 years ago I thought I was taking out a trial membership to this club......just needed some time to regroup so I thought, every year passes and I say next year will be different and when the new year comes I renew my subscription. I have a very good BF who has been very understanding and has been very patient with me and my husband has been great. We used to enjoy "game" night or just going out to dinner and dancing, but now I plan nothing....I am content (well not completely, but I have to be right now) curling up at night and watching my Gilligans Island DVD's or Three's Company reruns that I tape every night.....If I have to plan a family get together which I did a couple times this summer with family in town that we don't see very often I just tell my mom that if you don't see me for awhile be hostess because I will be laying down.....I always have to think ahead like that. Some have said it is depression....I disagree because I know if my body would just cooperate I would be different, but it is really hard to play the game that I am fine when I am anything but.....so I just stopped trying.

I will not go anywhere by myself and a year+ ago I wouldn't go anywhere at all......I am now on a 2 week run again of not leaving the house due to feeling pretty nasty again.....I hate it, but I have these images of having to throw myself on the floor at walmart for fear of falling over from dizziness or just plain making an ace out of myself with a panic if all the symptoms were to hit me at once in some place I can't get comfortable right away.

I feel like I just sit here and watch everyone else live and only wish anymore.....wish I could feel well again, wish I could drive my daughter to her after school activities, wish that I could go see my sons new apartment without feeling miserable, wish that tommorrow I will not be bumbarded by symptoms again , wish I wasn't so wrapped up in myself and how I feel.....ect. So as much as I don't want to be part of this club, no offense, I thankyou for having me. HUGS Mikki

Dear Mikki
With all respect could it possible that you are suffering from a low level of depression as you do sound rather wistful.How can your body co-operate when your mind tells you that you are as you said'not fine'
I am not a Doctor but having suffered depression some of the way you are feeling is very familiar.What about talking to a Therapist or your family Doctor and see what they have to say.It may well be that you do not need an AD,but perhaps Thyroid and Hormone levels need a little fine tuning
I say this from care and concern.You should be able to go to your son's apartment or shop and feel comfortable going shopping.I am not keen on crowds and do not socialise a lot but it hurts me to feel that you are looking out of the window watching the World go by.

All of us have gone into hibernation and actually it helps one to soul-search and rest ones mind.It is such a busy place out there and it can feel scary.
Panic attacks and that all fuzzy wuzzy feeling is awful and I still get it occasionally so take a Xanax,very small Prescription dose,and it does help.
Anyway,sweetie please take care of yourself
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth

Elizabeth,
Thankyou for your concern, really.......yes it could be possible and probably is....I have to ask myself the old question though which came first the chicken or the egg because I am fine when I am not being bombarded constantly, and constantly isn't an exageration anymore, by symptoms of too low estro.... too high estro, too low P. and too high P. I can't seem to find any equalibrium anymore.

When this first started 3+ years ago and I was still working I could feel myself slowly started to retreat, I sought counseling in several places, took ativan knowing the road I was starting to go down, but as my symptoms became worse there was no amount of talking that was going to fix it...at that point I was not mentally in the state i am now, but as bit by bit of my life was slowly changed for the worse yes my positive outlook went with it. When I finally became housebound at one point we had a intensive home therapy started and again I made progress when I felt good, but the days that I felt my body shift I couldn't make the effort because the feelings I had/have scare me half out of my mind sometimes. My thyroid was checked and is fine, was given BHRT as my estro level was 12 last checked but they couldn't fine tune because they don't know what they are doing, I missed a period back in Jan. but they have picked up again and I have had periods 2x's a mo. for almost 3 years now and heavy, it has made my iron stores very low, I am completely exhausted and just wish they would go away. The momentum I had when this all started is but a memory. I have to lay down at any given moment from sudden weakness, dizziness or palpitations and I guess when these tings show up anywhere other than some place I can't lay down I am very uncomfortable and anxious knowing they could spring on me at any time. I truly don't know what the Dr's can do anymore. Yes I do sound wistful I know, but rest assured I am not to the point of anything serious it is just that everything I am feeling inside just poors out lately...I just can't find my brave face anymore......I am not beaten just sad of the time I am losing. Thanks again Mikki

I know what ya mean......

HUGS,
Mary Beth

Just my opinion but I truly believe we need to go thru the "hermit" stage. Being a hermit is extremely hard to do with these busy lives we lead. I've never been very social. I'm friendly, have a good heart. I can be a good hostess but quiet days at home, or sitting in the sun by the river make me happiest. I read an article the other day. A qoute that hit home with me was "I'm not a leave the lights on, blinds open kind of girl" This is me. I like my privacy. Love my family and the small get togethers we share and cherish these times together but time for ourselves is so important.

I'm aways happy curling up on the couch watching an episode of "everybody loves raymond" or such. Daily walks in the woods with my dog renew my spirit. Nature has always been my haven. It is where I can be "me"

I used to beat myself up that I am not a social person. "Why cant I be like everyone else" went over in my mind. I'd cry and hate myself for being that way. Sometimes I'd force myself to do things I didnt want to do. Menopause changed all that. I figure if I've reached age 56(almost) I can pick and choose what I want to do. I've earned that right. Theres always the things that must be done, family weddings, birthdays that are milestones, and I do those things.

As women we are taught to be caregivers, leaving ourselves behind. This hermit stage is rightfully ours!! I get my shopping done, take care of what has to be done, but if I want to put my car in the garage and not answer doors or phones I can do it with no guilt. Before menopause the guilt would have eaten away at me.

Susan Weed has an article on menopause that says there are 3 distinct phases of the menopause journey...Meltdown, where everybody lets go of worn-out modes of thinking and being. The second phase is Isolation phase where we remove ourselves from the present enviroment in which to transform(hermit stage) The last phase is Re-Emergence...awwww yes, the one I'm waiting for.....where we see a new view of the world and ones self.

I'm almost 3 years post-menopausal and still dealing with all the garbage but in ways I'm stronger. I wont take the crap anymore and I feel no guilt at being in this hermit stage. I am looking forward to Re-Emergence. I hope I will be wiser and able to just breathe and be free to soak up this last stage of my life.


((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

Fin

Dear 'Mikki'
What about the old Home and Garden HRT for a try?I know that many ladies are concerned about side effects but have found it to be great.
However,I have to agree with you about the Talk Therapy.I hate it and it makes me more scary.As for Atvian I understand where you are coming from.When I first started on Xanax,low dose prescription,was advised to take 1mg per day for two weeks to kind of kick the anxiety and panic in the butt.I did just that and am happy to report that I only use on an as needed basis with no upping the dose.
I know you are not beaten but wish I could give you a big hug
This Sister,and all of us care!
I want you to have your life back with peace and enjoyment!
Hope it is ok. if I pray for you?I am a believer and prayer has also pulled me through
So God Bless,honey
Warm Wishes
Elizabeth!

Elizabeth,

thankyou for your kind words and yes you can certainly pray for me....I am a believer too, however my prayers have been mere groans and whimpers lately....I know we all go through those times. HUGs Mikki

I had to reply. Especially about the burning bridges. My old enthusiasm for dinner parties, friends coming over, giggling on the back porch with drinks in hand ... I just didn't feel like it for so long. But I forced myself out of my comfort zone just these last few weeks, had friends over ... did the housework and polishing and put away the cat toys ... put out snacks, fridge filled with cold drinks, table set ... and I GOT THROUGH IT, but only after almost everyone left, and just 4 of us were there, could I honestly say I had a good time. In actual fact I dreaded the day itself, could have cared less if everyone had cancelled ... but I know I have to keep doing this or when I come out the other side ... nobody will want to play with me. So I tried a second time, to have a dinner party for friend's who quietly got married in their home, this was to be their big dinner. Not only was I less than enthusiastic, I was almost beside myself trying to be the OLD ME. And ... I didn't even make 1/2 the things I said I would for their special dinner, because I FORGOT. Like a moron. So I am trying to connect by emails, or phonecalls (something I dread) because truly I find myself lying to get out of after-work get-togethers ... my excuses are even amazing to me, because to say "I don't feel like it" is so lame. And even now, writing this, I am putting myself to sleep as it seems so petty, and "who cares". I am concerned more for my friend with liver cancer, and trying to get a better perspective, but this morning lay there (after waking and falling back asleep thanks to Xanax 3 times) thinking "I just don't care, I hurt all over, I feel weird and like I have been in an argument and everything is wrong and nothing is right ...." I literally wake up wanting to cry every morning. Still.

But I had to write because I am afraid of the burning bridges - and as pathetic as my attempts are to still be social, I AM trying. Maybe it is just the fatigue from pain and body changes, I live in hope as we all should, and I am looking forward to Stage 3 - the one where I know who I am again and have energy again. xo

Hi Suzy D,

You are to be commended for having these dinners despite how you felt! What strength and courage! When I went through my hermit stage, I did not care what others thought. There was no way I was having people over, but of course if someone "popped" in, I was very welcoming and cordial. I changed everything I did to make sure it was closer to my home so I would not have to drive far distances and just did not want to be around people. I totally understand where you are coming from. But I do believe if your friends are really true friends, they will understand what you are going through and will not expect you to "entertain" them. I still think it depends on what "stage" of peri or meno we are in as to how social we want to be. Now the only time I feel sane and good is when I am around others.... earlier (and for a long while), I just could not be around anyone much but my DH. I even planned a trip for us to a remote cottage one Thanksgiving just to keep from being around family. The key is not to beat ourselves up for having any of these feelings. We will get through it and someday soon emerge as women who have such a different and maybe even wiser perception on life. Anyway, this is what we have to keep telling ourselves.

I guess what I am trying to say is just do not expect too much out of yourself and don't beat yourself up if you cannot put on the most perfect dinner party. I have come to believe that this is a time of reflection and introspection.... when you are more up to being around others, the ones who truly care will be there. They surely were for me, and believe me, what we are going through now will let you know in a heartbeat who your true friends are.

Lots of hugs,
mood_swinger

So... being by myself isn't wrong? I love curling up with a good book, or watching TV. I've been doing this most of my life. I'm happy. Now, I don't want to go out simply because I planned to do things at home. If this is called being a "hermit", that's fine by me.

I don't think there is a Hermit "phase". I think there's just a realization that you've gotten past a certain time in your life that you become more confident in yourself and wiser in your ways. You don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. You make a decision with confidence and feel good about it. I'm not going to wait to come out of a "phase". If I change, that's one thing. If not, that's OK too.

When I read Clarissa Pinkola Estes' Women Who Run with the Wolves, I was totally changed. This book resonated with me. It still does.

thank you both mood swinger and lady G.! trust me, i enjoy my own life and privacy, when i left home at 17 have lived most of my life on my own, bought houses, fixed them up, renovated furniture, saved pussycats, travelled .... what i mean NOW, at 53, is i don't even care about family, about REALLY close friends i just used to hang with ... it is an effort, but what makes me sad is my feelings of not caring if anyone cancels or shows up, my old enthusiasm for doing something so simple yet nice for my bestest buddies (to me cooking from scratch and making delish food is my way of telling them how much i care) is GONE. it will creep back, but (why do i keep say BUT) i am so separated from my family and now am feeling i don't care about my friends that i am always on the outside loooking in now, that i HAVE to force myself to keep in touch. only one friend knows i am going through meno, i can't stand to talk about it - i met with my family doc last week and told her, know what she said "oh well, that's a GOOD thing right?" in a cheery smiling voice and then CHANGED THE SUBJECT. but (but but but but) i was only there for a quick rx repeat - so anyway i have to accept this. my one sister who no longer speaks to me - i keep hearing her voice 'YOU HAVE TO HAVE GONE THROUGH MENOPAUSE YOU CANNOT STILL BE HAVING YOUR PERIOD" in this nasty vicious tone ... i am sure she lost at Bridge that night with her posh friends. she was angry i was still having my periods. thing is, i am so conditioned like a trained dog with her, it is a relief to be away from her and her command performance demands ... and if we were still "close" now, i can hear her gloating satisfaction that i had finally reached meno. she would ask the most invasive nauseating questions on this earth. in my next life i am not coming back as the youngest of 4 domineering siblings ... and i will continue to reach out to my friends as much as i can. thanks for letting me ramble, now i have tears running down my face and have to blow my nose and get back to work. wishing i was at home in my lazy girl with blanket and cats, mugs of tea and good books by my side xo.

I relate completely to your post. However, I think I have taken "hermiting" to a whole new level. The only thing I do do is communicate with my "true" friends and family via text or email. I hate the telephone. I don't want to lose my friends completely, though, I like you for the most part just can't get with the program anymore. If I see them, I see them, if not, then oh well. I am lucky that I have explained where I am at with my friends and they are understanding. But, these are truly old and good friends. I have one friend who lives up near San Francisco, my oldest and dearest friend. I know if she lived closer she would come over and kick my butt (which frankly I probably need) and get me out and about. She really is wonderful. I would fight her of course, but, knowing her she would ultimately win. She would do it in a kind and loving way though. My family as well, know where I am at and they have been so understanding. So, I guess in that respect I am so lucky. It doesn't make me feel any better about the fact that I have lost my enthusiasm for the world right now. I would hazard a guess that I am depressed, even though I am on an AD, I may need to up it and I was hoping I wouldn't have to. I am also have health anxiety which kicks my butt and just when I think I'm ready to enter the world a bit or interact in my own life, something comes along that scares me and I freeze up and obsess. The AD was really helping with that at the beginning but not so much now. I am sad and accepting at the same time about this situation (which I truly don't get, how can I have those two emotions at the same time?). I'm just tired and feel like I am waiting out this period of my life and one POOF!! I will be myself again. Wishful thinking perhaps?? Take care, we do the best we can and for each one of us our best is different.

I can relate. I've always been a loner....loved my books and movies and inner reflecting more so than socializing. And these days, the news is so bad and the world has gotten so evil that I wanna dig a hole, get in and pull it in after me. I already live in the country, and I'm thinking of no longer reading the paper or watching the news. It's just too depressing.

I am also however going through a type of loneliness. I haven't been in a relationship with a man for several years now (I thought I had something developing with a guy online, but he stopped contacting me two months ago with no explanation. We had been chatting online for over a year). Yes, I miss that I'm not having sex regularly -- thank god peri hasn't messed me up there -- but I also miss the physical closeness of a hug or a kiss or just snuggling on the sofa. My experience has been that you meet someone when you're not looking, so I guess I just need to relax and live my life and see what happens.

Well now, nothing worse than being IN a relationship and being lonely, that is so heartwrenching, trust me. And yes you never know what is around the next corner, the next phone call, the next anything, just chill and let that part of your life happen as it may - keep an open mind, I know the world is spinning seemingly out of control at times, but it ALWAYS HAS BEEN!!! reading the paper takes guts these days, i also find it soooo disheartening, but tv ... stay away from the news is my advice. it is so panic-driven and stressful i wonder why my uncle leaves on one famous station of nothing but news in the USA and then rants and raves about everything. i use my tv for old movies, comedy shows, because REAL LIFE is serious enough. i am also a loner, but didn't mind when i was single having some friends over and making snacks, having drinks, watching movies ... but then i enjoyed doing that alone with my cats and KNITTING ( i think i knit an afghan for every family member) and would place the wool over each side of my chair so that every movement would make rodger and alice the cats go crazy ... and i would be drinking my wine, snacking my face off, watching movies and NOT ANSWERING THE PHONE. the grass always looks greener, trust us all on that one. and like that book says "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" ... we all want to share our lives with someone, someone kind and cool. so hang in there, enjoy every moment, and don't watch the news unless it is the weather report, there are forces so strong out there controlling our world ... politics politics politics ... s.c.a.r.y. throughout history, it has never been calm. now with all of our lovely media coverage people out there ... we are bomblasted with every situation, and feel helpless and depressed, which is their mission - to keep us off balance perhaps? stay grounded. look around you close by to see how you can do something positive, adopt an unwanted animal, join a cooking class for something you've never tried before, i.e. french "cuisine" ... but don't let the days pass you by because the world will keep turning as it always has ... and once again, all the worryin the world won't change the outcome, so maybe just try and do something positive close to home!!
xo

Thanks for the kind words.

Fin, I love your post here...

I'm 2-1/2 years post and 55 years old and totally agree that we should, at this age, be allowed to enjoy this "hermit" stage.
I feel a lot of guilt sometimes, too, about wanting to be a hermit, especially with regard to family. Plus, my husband is a "partyer", and I am so not. I have never had a problem with boredom when I am alone, and I think that is hard for him to understand sometimes. And after years and years of entertaining both sides of our family for every holiday that has come along, I want out of the "hostess" role. I don't know how my mother and grandmother did that for so many years...into their 70's! Makes me feel like a wimp, but I can't help how I feel.

What is the name of the Susan Weed article? Maybe I can just "Google" it...

Thanks for your insight.

Aginggracefully